What We Do In The Shadows, S05E09- A Weekend At Morrigan Manor

Thank you very much to Max for commissioning this episode!


So this ep was super duper fun. I loved all the nods to murder mysteries, I loved that Evil Mabel is finally taking everyone to task for the way they've been treating her. I'm just so excited to see what's going to happen now that Guillermo has been outed to Nandor.


Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!

Wanna talk spoilers? Join the Discord! https://discord.gg/rEF2KfZxfV

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is an Unspoiled Network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering what we do in The Shadows Season five, episode nine,
a weekend at Morrigan Manor. In this episode, so finally,

(00:25):
Evil Mabel is getting her revenge. Almost she almost gets
her revenge, not entirely, not the way I honestly can't
help but think she deserves.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
Welcome to spoil Me.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Welcome to the show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you
very much to Max for commissioning this episode. Max, if
you're listening, appreciate you, Bud, and hope that you've been
enjoying the coverage. Yeah, you guys, this was hilarious. I
really enjoyed this development because, like, the way she's been

(01:22):
treated has been so shitty, and I was thinking it
was just meant to be something that like, is gonna
be an ongoing joke but never really dealt with, you know,
like I was gonna say, in sort of the way
it is with Guermo. It's not entirely fair to make
that comparison though, because with Guillermo he does kind of

(01:46):
snap eventually a couple times and demands better treatment and
leaves or you know, in the case of what has
been happening this season, got made into a vampire by
somebody else, took matters into his own hands, as she
puts it, so you know, it's it's not like it's
just never dealt with with him. But she has been
sort of a late addition to the cast, and so

(02:10):
if they were just gonna have her sort of be
the new punching bag and they were, you know, not
going to actually deal with that, I don't even think
that would have been like so terrible. I feel like
I could have let that go and been like, yeah,
you know, well that's why they added her.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
Probably.

Speaker 1 (02:30):
I really love the fact that she has finally reached
a place where she's like, I am not fucking taking
this anymore. And the creativity of it is extremely fun.
I don't know, like who thought of how they were
going to set this whole thing up, But for myself,
I just found this to be a really fun slow

(02:52):
burn because, like it occurred to me at first the
fact that like things had worked out the way they
did in the Gymnasium with Laslow, I was sort of
like that feels like she was sort of testing him,
like did she make those guys appear? But I didn't like,

(03:13):
I pretty much shoved that aside almost immediately. I didn't
give it any further thought. And then eventually, when Nanja
like falls down a hole in the stairs, you would
think that I would sort of realize, but it's made
to look enough like an accident that I was willing

(03:34):
to just let that go as well. Then the whole
thing with Nandor, and I started to be like, huh,
and she just happens to like be there with her
leg in a trap. How'd she get out there? She
was doing a whole thing with Naja, what is she
even out here for? And I didn't like give myself

(03:56):
the time to even formulate a theory on that. I
just thought it was odd. It wasn't until Colin getting
dropped and then I was suddenly like, oh my god,
she's done this to everybody because fuck these guys. And
I couldn't help but laugh because, honestly, yeah, fuck these guys.

(04:16):
Correct call. I'm not mad about it. The only thing
that I'm mad about, to be honest is the fact
that she eventually gets gas lit into thinking it was
like not in her head exactly, but it definitely is
made to be like, oh, well, we're just emotionally repressed

(04:37):
and can't tell you how much we really care about you,
and I, for one, I am disgusted. Come on, I
just really wanted her to be able to get her
revenge and let it be the revenge, and not like
I actually want our guys to be locked in the
basement for their eternal lives or however long it would
be until they were found when this lady comes back

(04:57):
from her vacation. But uh, you know, letting go on
a little bit longer, I wouldn't have been mad about it.
Miss Tea is here, hi, Miss t So anyway, okay,
let's start at the beginning of the episode, because the
whole way that this starts off is Colin Probinson telling
them about a sale on sour cream in the newspaper.

(05:19):
You guys, there is something about the way that he
delivers this line. It shouldn't have been as funny as
it was. Do you know what I mean? Do you
ever have this where you like you can understand stepping
back objectively, this isn't that funny, and yet, for whatever reason,

(05:42):
it fucking got you and I cackled at this so bad,
I really did. I mean, you know, like he's just
he's so good man anyway. So this is when Evil
Mabel comes in and she says, I was I'm excited

(06:06):
because my art exhibit is happening this evening. I just
wanted to remind everybody that, you know, it's the gallery
opening that you are SVP two tonight, And Laslow says,
paintings the intoxicating elixir to the weary mind? Who is

(06:28):
the artist? And she says I am, and he does
not even respond. He says, tell me more about the
sour cream sale. Colin Robinson truly devastating you guys, And
why though you know that's the thing.

Speaker 2 (06:52):
Sometimes it's just like this with people.

Speaker 1 (06:55):
You know, I know that there are times where you're
not being let into a friend group because you do suck,
And you can't see that they could have written her
so as to be actually annoying. But I think I'm
gonna go ahead and stand by what I said in
the previous episode, which was that they have decided to

(07:16):
make her completely reasonable and friendly and likable in order
to underscore how shitty the vampires are, because it was
just sort of like, you know, we need everybody to
truly understand what assholes these guys are on a real level,

(07:37):
not like funny for vampires sort of level, but like
two fellow vampires, they are just as awful, And I
feel like that's actually quite well done at this point.
Like they are we have seen the evolution of them
over the past few seasons, and like how many times

(07:59):
in my did I say that Naja was like the
more level headed and they have really let her become
more and more chaotic, so now I can't ever really
say that about her anymore, like there's no truth to
it at this point. And Laslow is like the most
likable of all of them in my opinion, but yet

(08:20):
in the previous episode had been more than willing to
just let Giermo be killed and did not care. And
it was just a coincidence that this dude wound up
going after a weird mutant version. So yeah, they all
had RSVP'd and not just said something about how like, well,

(08:40):
i'd have to shuffle a lot of things around, so
I don't think so I'll think about it now. Nandor
says his book is really good, and then she brings
out this note from her purse, which should have been
a clue. Why would you she have mail in her purse.

(09:02):
I guess it's not out of the question, because she's
often the one that sort of carries messages to them.
But I did sort of stop and go, that's a
weird thing. And I still didn't really put it together.
But I will say that my suspicions about the hex
thing were correct, so that was fun. So she tells

(09:23):
them that there is a message here for them from
somebody named Perdita Morgan. And evidently she is this like
extremely famous and exclusive vampire. I can't remember if nandor
I think it is that says her New Year's Eve

(09:46):
party was so exclusive that nobody was invited. But yeah,
it's supposedly she They're all being invited for a weekend
at her ancestral man and they're so thrilled by this.
We get to see a like painting of her, and

(10:08):
she's really chubby. She's got a double chin and these
like little rosy cheeks and teeny tiny fangs poking out,
and honestly, I was really feeling it. I loved her
little face. She's so cute. She's the matriarch of one
of America's first vampiric families, and apparently when the Plymouth

(10:31):
Colonies lost all of those people due to the cold.
She was the one killing them, and she just blamed
it on the weather. She just did it really, really quietly. Amazing.
Oh it's a met Ball after party. Sorry, not a
New Year's Eve party, but uh yeah, this is when

(10:52):
the guide says, I get it. I know she's a
big shot, but my vampires know how hard I've been
working on these paintings. I think they will make the
right decision. And immediately Nanderk comes through to get the
car and she looks at the camera in such a way.
And it's very fun to sort of rewatch this because
I watched it twice. I watched it once by myself

(11:14):
and then once with Owen and rewatching it with the
knowledge that this is a setup and she has given
them throughout the episode. By the time it comes down
to things, she has given them so many chances to
not be douchebags. I mean, they really couldn't have asked

(11:36):
for more chances, and they just fucking fumble it every
single time. So you just do get to a point
where you're sort of like, I don't know, guys, that
seems like it's pretty much on you at this point,
you could have not wound up here had you just
decided to act like fucking people for a second. And

(11:59):
so yeah, this first moment, this is like one of
however many chances they get this episode, and it's tragic.
It genuinely is like I feel so bad for her,
especially I am extremely sensitive about like creating art, and
I don't share it with a lot of people most

(12:21):
of the time because it feels real private and I'm
so sensitive about it that I know I am probably
going to react unreasonably to like criticism or commentary, even
if it's willman. So I just like, don't put it
out there a lot. But if I do choose to
put it out there and nobody is even like acknowledging.

Speaker 2 (12:41):
It, I would curl up and die.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
I would literally drop dead. You guys know, like the
reason that my podcast is what it is. I thrive
on attention. I need it. It's my like, you know,
And just how utterly ignored she is, even if you
aren't somebody who needs attention the way that I do

(13:07):
and you're normal, I feel like this is devastating. So anyway,
this leads to them their arrival at the manor and
I love the detail because I hadn't really noticed it,
but all of their coffins are like piled on top,
and in the back, Guiermo has all of the vamps

(13:31):
in bat form in like a little pet carrier. Now,
the only thing that I'm going to criticize this episode,
and it's such a small thing, it's really I hesitate
to even mention it, but I'm going to because of
this right here, and what happens right after she has

(13:51):
cages in the basement and they all wind up in
the cages, and you know, they're the cages are meant
to be made out of like pure silver, so yeah,
it's you know, gonna be difficult to bust out of them. However,
the spaces between the bars are so big that if

(14:13):
they fucking just turned into a bat, they would be
able to get out of their no problem. It would
just not be an issue at all. I don't know
if it's just that they don't have like great control
over touching the bars while they're bats, or if it's
supposed to be that like the silver being there prevents
them from changing into bats at all, that might be it.

(14:36):
But uh, I just kept like looking at how big
the spaces are, and like I said, I wasn't even
gonna like mention anything about it. But then right away
after this whole thing, Germo turns into a bat to
fly away, and so it just put it in mind
again a little bit for me where I was like,

(14:57):
I just kind of want them to try it, at
least to like for it to be acknowledged that they
probably could fit out. And if it turns out that
it's like the presence of the silver prevents even the transformation, fine,
I would be willing to accept that. I just want
it to seem like they thought of it, and it

(15:17):
doesn't seem like they did, which you know, can't have everything.

Speaker 2 (15:21):
Like I said, it's a small thing.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
I don't even really hold it against them. So for
this episode, Colin Robinson decides that he's going to grow
out a mustache, and he says that he has to
actually normally shave three times a day, And I was

(15:46):
fascinated because what he initially starts off with is a
regular mustache. And then as things continue, eventually he winds
up with like the little it's not quite a soul patch,
I don't don't we call it when it's a little
bit longer and pointier than that, but it's still sort
of like in the center of your chin. But regardless,

(16:07):
it's a real look, and they have him beginning to
speak in a way that I think is supposed to
be sort of representative of a poiro sort of energy.
It's not entirely like correct. If you've read or watched
Poirot the cadence of how he speaks and everything, you

(16:32):
would be able to tell that this doesn't feel right.
But I you know, for a joke, it's fine. But
it's just funny because like poiro doesn't have that little
center thing. I don't think unless he's trying to do
the more modern like Kenneth Branna version of poiro who
maybe he does have that chin thing. I'm thinking of

(16:53):
the one David Chuchette from the BBC Flawless Number one
best POI ro I mean, like, no question, but he
does mention also a little bit later. It's like a
glass onion And I just lolled at that one, Like
you guys, if you haven't watched Glass Onion is less good.

(17:17):
I'm gonna say. I figured out who was the murderer
in that one quite quickly, and it was a little
bit frustrating because I felt like it was super obvious
and it just sails past everyone for such a while.
But the first of those movies, Knives Out, is a

(17:39):
really really good time, and that one I had a
lot of a harder time figuring out, And just overall
the story and the themes to the story felt really
like he was making a statement there that I really
appreciated and I think deserves some like discussion. Actually, But anyway,

(18:02):
I'm really into murder mysteries, you guys like in a
way that's sort of I can be real snobby about
the type of murder mystery. I tend to go really
for like cozy murder mysteries, and they have a tone
to them a lot of the time. If they're not
well done, that is so like difficult for me to

(18:24):
tolerate that I can be it can be hard for
me to like find a new series. So if you're
listening to this and you know of some really like
cozy murder mysteries, especially fun if they're like a period drama,
but it's not necessary, I would be very open to
hearing them, because you know, it's always the kind of

(18:45):
thing that I will just tear through on my own
time with like audiobooks especially, and then I'm just left like, well, no,
I have nothing to listen to, but I just can't
put them down. So anyway, this is when the guide
shows up and they made her fly the whole way.
They tell her there wasn't any room in the car.

(19:09):
There clearly was, and she says that it was almost
two hundred miles and Guillermo corrects her and says over
two hundred. Guermo, consistently in this episode is the only
one that is validating any of the things that she
is saying, appearing to even hear her a lot of

(19:29):
the time, and even now when she's she's like going
to the car and being like, oh, before everybody goes inside,
how about you look at my art? And she opens
the trunk like they're going to stand there on the
in the driveway and look at the art in the
trunk of the car, which I'll be honest, as much

(19:50):
as it like is hurtful that she turns and sees
they've all walked away, A big part of me was
kind of like, girl, yeah, of course they don't want
to to hand in the fucking wet driveway. Why would
they want to do that. So they go inside. The
house is dark, and so Giermo has to like painstakingly
and light all of these candles. I really enjoy that

(20:13):
this is just a thing that fucking vampires could have electricity,
They could live in a regular fucking house. The baron
does it, you know, but here, No, it's got to
be the vibe, and so the whole house very much.
I'll say, this looks like a slightly nicer, cleaned up

(20:33):
version of the vampire's regular home, and I'm pretty sure
it's probably the same set, doesn't matter, but I just
had to mention it because like, there's a lamp in
this room that I'm almost positive in the background of
their bedrooms or their main sitting room as well. But yeah,
so there's a recorder here, a really really old one

(20:58):
that has a message on it from miss Perdida telling them, Hey,
really sorry that you're not that I'm not going to
be there to greet you this weekend, but I hope
that you will enjoy everything that the house has to offer,
the hunting grounds, the gymnasium, and she mentions like the

(21:19):
antique belfry, things like this, and eventually everybody goes to
each of those places. Now, I am not sure if
this was a message Perdita actually recorded that was intended
for the guide and then the guide just repurposed it

(21:40):
to be used for these guys and didn't and you know,
didn't it didn't need any editing. Or is the guide
did she just sort of like do a voice thing
and change, you know, is she recording this her I

(22:02):
don't remember if that's ever explained. It does not matter,
but I was just suddenly stopped and wondered about it. She,
for her part, the guide is really keeps on trying
to make this art thing happen, and nobody is paying
attention to it, and they all bail to go to

(22:24):
their respective interests, leaving Guillermo and the guide to unload
all of the baggage coffins and everything. And she's going
to get her paintings, but Guillermo stops and says, don't worry,
I'll get them for you, and he puts a hand
on her arm. It's a nothing moment, but then the

(22:46):
music does this little sort of sting after he does it,
indicating that whatever happened there was important, even though her
expression does not betray that at all. Her expression doesn't
really change almost she smiles and says, thank you, you're
so kind, and that's it, you know, So you're getting

(23:09):
this little hint, but it's not enough to give anything away,
and she isn't even signaling to like the camera guys,
that she's planning anything, which I just really like the
fact that this is obviously a total surprise to everybody,
that they didn't want to nod to the audience and
they just decided to sit back and let us sort.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
Of figure it out.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
So the first thing we get is las Low in
the gymnasium, and unsurprisingly, guys, I loved this so much. Laslow,
it turns out, is like an incredible swordsman, and I
have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that this is a fucking

(23:54):
like stunt double. You know, it's just so much fun
to imagine that he's as good at this as he
seems to be. Last though, does a lot of bragging,
but I have kind of noticed that much of the
time he's not actually overstating it. He seems to genuinely

(24:15):
deserve some of the the what's the word I want?
His conceit, I suppose, is really the best way to
put it, like I don't know, guys, I can't help,
but sort of be like, all right, I don't know,
I have that actually pretty fucking impressive and what this

(24:38):
gymnasium is doing. At first, the guide comes in and
she's in this full amazing outfit and she whips her
sword around and does all of these sort of impressive
like figures, and he doesn't respond at all, and she's like,
what's the matter, and he just tells her he would

(25:01):
rather practice with his dummy ouch ew. But then she
leaves and he turns back to his dummy and there's
a person standing there and he's like, okay, well, as
long as you're here, and he just goes ahead and

(25:24):
fights with this person. Even though he doesn't know where
he came from, it doesn't seem to really preoccupy him
very much. He turns his back again and when he
turns around, that has turned into two people. It took
me a minute to understand that it's not that every

(25:44):
time he turns around there's another one. It's every time
he turns around they have doubled in number. So eventually
I did get it, but I had a moment there
of like, how are they how are there so many
of them that fast? Well, eventually like he has this
great sword fight. Owen was so delighted, you guys, it

(26:05):
was so fun to watch him watching this scene. But
they you know, it's a highly choreographed, full of like
quips and commentary sort of scene, and he really is
killing it. And then he turns his back, turns back
around and instead of eight of them I think it

(26:26):
was eight that they wound up with, there are now sixteen.
And he is basically like, well, that's a rap on me,
I guess, and they just come at him. It's sort
of a weird moment because they don't use their swords.
I thought that they would attack like sword point first,
but instead they like run inward and sort of gather

(26:48):
around him in a way that felt like it's supposed
to be that they're about to beat him up, but
it doesn't look like that's the motion they're making either.
It was a weird way to end it. I think
it's just supposed to be in reality that they're kind
of crowding him toward the hole in the floor that
will drop him into one of the cages.

Speaker 2 (27:08):
But I don't know.

Speaker 1 (27:09):
I may be wrong about that, so he, you know,
has been taken out of the equation for now. And
I want to mention as well that when he is
telling her like, I just want to fight with my dummy,
and she comes back, there's two people there by that point,

(27:30):
and she's like, are you sure you don't want my help?
And he says no, he's in the zone now, So
you know, again, she gives a lot of chances. So
this is when she goes into the sitting room and
she sets up all of those paintings, and it's amazing.

Speaker 2 (27:49):
She hasn't done one of Guermo.

Speaker 1 (27:50):
I just want to know that, as much as she says,
Guillermo is like the only one who's been kind to
her and blah blah blah, he clearly doesn't really count
with her still because she's only done portraits of these
four And you know, I'm pretty I'm pretty certain not
that this matters, but all these paintings look like when
you use like prisma or one of those filters, it's

(28:14):
like just a photo. And I love the fact that
Colin claims that he has never worn glasses like that
in his life.

Speaker 2 (28:23):
Sir, I'm going to need you to like get real here,
for a second, Jesus.

Speaker 1 (28:29):
At this point, Nauga comes in and says, have you
guys seen Laslow? He's vanished and that's not like him.
So she mentions the like belfry full of bats, and
I was like, why would he do that? But then
not just says it's it would be like my perverted

(28:49):
husband to go sniff out the local born deello. So
I guess that what we're saying here is that Laslow
would fuck other bats in bat form, which I guess
shouldn't come as a surprise because he and Naja have

(29:11):
fucked in bat form. I'm pretty sure that we have
been told that at one time or another. But I
did have a moment of like, oh what, like just
true pearl clutching, and I felt a little bit embarrassed
that I reacted that way. I couldn't help it, I'm sorry,
but yeah, it was definitely a moment of like what

(29:34):
is she talking about? And oh no, As it fucking
like catches up with me, miss t says that bat
fucking thing is wild out caps Yes, definitely. Uh oh.
Misty is also saying accolades. Was I looking for the
word accolades earlier? I've already forgotten, but yes, perfect word,

(29:54):
I'll just say just say that. So they're going up
to the belfry and uh Naja is behind the guide
as she walks through the door that they heard this
loud knocking noise from It's not just like, oh I
held back as we walked into a strange room. It

(30:17):
was I heard something coming from behind the door that
sounds threatening, and I am going to let you go
in and explore it first. And as soon as the
guide begins to like scream and gesture and panic, Naja
turns and tries to run away down the stairs and
she just falls straight through the floor. And that should

(30:39):
have been a clue everybody. I should have realized. I didn't,
did you Guys, like you're very, very genuinely curious here?
How long did it take before you all started to
clock what was happening here? Because I can't help but

(31:01):
think if I'd been paying better attention, I would have
gotten it a little bit earlier. It doesn't matter. Just
you know, I'm not trying to like criticize myself for
not getting it. I just sort of like, you know,
what would have happened if I had gone into this
episode really understanding that we were doing like a murder

(31:22):
mystery spoof, I would have realized. But I thought that
that was just sort of like the a little bit
of the joke of the episode, because like the recording
at the beginning is I believe how, And then there
were none begins where everybody is invited weirdly to like

(31:42):
this remote home and nobody knows each other or why
they've been brought there, and there's a recording that like
is from somebody who has already died, or so they think.
So I think that this is meant to be a clue.
But I wasn't getting how serious the episode was about

(32:05):
that theme. You know, Miss T says immediately suspicious they
got invited to an exclusive house and then she isn't
even there, Miss T, you really.

Speaker 2 (32:19):
Make a hell of a point.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
I really should have thought that was weird. I guess
I'm just always willing to think that vampires are any
like any kind of weird, and so I just like
accepted it. But honestly, that is the better point, you know.
But anyway, so if I had like considered it, I

(32:44):
think that what I would have thought was that they
were all being set up by you know, maybe like Simon,
even though I think the Laslow has permanently lost that hat,
so I don't know why Simon would be going after them,
but I would definitely not have put it at Evil
Mabel store at least. So anyway, Yeah, so this is

(33:08):
Naja and she yells say I'm coming to help, and
then just like goes down the stairs, falls through the floor,
and then Evil Mabel turns the light on in this
room and you see that it's just a dummy, and
we know now this was a setup and she's play
acting for the camera. She sees the hole in the

(33:31):
floor and says, oh no, but this was her whole plan.
So then we go to Guillermo and Nandor and we're
having a human hunt and we see all of these
like naked people, which Nandor says that he thinks a
lot of them might be college athletes, which are the
most challenging prey. He wants, you, guys, he wants Guermo

(33:55):
to sniff this jockstrap for scent. You know, I know
that grosser things have happened in this show, but I
just felt my skin crawl on this. I think I
think it's not just the way he's like telling him
to take a big whiff. But it's also the jockstrap

(34:19):
itself has clearly been like treated to look gray and dingy,
like it's been left outside for a while, or it's
just like really dirty. So I think that might be
part of it. But when I tell you that, I
like recoiled when he did this, and he says, get
your muzzle in there.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
Oh god.

Speaker 1 (34:40):
So finally Gamo says, you know what, how about this?
You wait here and I'm gonna go, and you wait
for my signal. And he's like, okay, well what is
the signal? And he says, you'll see, And we find
out later that Gamameau just doubled back around and went
right inside and settled down on the couch with a
book and it's just chilling. Or no, he's I think
he's got his switch. So yeah, he's just saying to

(35:05):
the camera guys like, I know eventually I am going
to have to like hunt people, but I'm not there yet.
I just can't quite get into it, you know. And
it is sort of funny because a part of me
would definitely be ready to argue he's not even like

(35:26):
really capable of it. But the thing is that we
have seen him dispose of many human victims and he
seemed fine. So, you know, I don't know why I
keep thinking that Guillermo doesn't have the stomach to be
a vampire. Maybe it's more the fact that, like, it's
very different to clean up after people that you worship
and think are like all practically gods and who have

(35:48):
given you orders. It's a really different thing than to
do a murder yourself to actually, like, I am cures though,
because he hasn't indicated at all that he's thirsting for blood.
So I do wonder how long it's going to take

(36:11):
if it, if it indeed will happen, Like, considering everything,
I am really curious when it's going to suddenly strike him.
You know what I could go for is like some blood.
Actually that sounds really good right now. I don't know
how much time we've got or if that's ever actually
going to happen, because he has this van heusing thing,

(36:35):
which it turns out that's all it is. It's fighting
off the vampire sells DNA whatever, So maybe the transition
isn't going to occur and he is going to be well,
I was gonna say he's going to be more of
a Blade type. Does Blade drink human blood? I don't
actually even remember. I saw Blade like once and I

(36:59):
half watched it while it was on during playing a
video game or something, So forgive me, everybody, but not
an expert on what all happens in Blade. I hope
that you guys couldn't forget me for that. But yeah,
so this, uh is when the Guide turns up with

(37:20):
her leg in a trap and all of the humans
come running back. It like Nandor had said earlier that
the humans are super easy to catch unless they decide
to work as a team, but they're usually too stupid
to do that, and so here it looks like that's
what's happened. And he's just like, oh shit. And the

(37:43):
Guide says Nandor, if you must leave me behind, and
he just says see you and bails. He bails, yelling Giermo,
I need your help, and as he's running away, a
trap springs and he is like caught in a net
and carried into the air. Now, I was sort of

(38:03):
surprised by the net thing. I was thinking the net
was part of the hunting, But that's not really like
when people say hunt, that's a different thing from trap,
and so I did have a moment of like, really
they have nets. I wouldn't think that the vampires would
be excited about like prey that was cornered in that

(38:27):
sort of way. I would have thought it would be
much more fun for them to actually like physically chase
them down. But you know, there are times where like
you have the act of hunting, but it's like been
really kind of dumbed down. So I was thinking, maybe

(38:48):
this is supposed to be a bit of a joke
about how the woman who works here or who owns
this house, who's like an aristocrat and is somebody who
has maybe gotten kind of soft, she makes the hunt
a lot easier than most people would want it to be,
just because she is a little bit lazy and just

(39:11):
wants the formality of chasing her prey. But not really,
you know. But it turns out that this is part
of the guides setup here, So again, probably should have
figured this set out, this one didn't. And then we

(39:32):
have a weird scene where Colin is basically pretending to
be Pouiro saying, I know it was you who lured
us all here under false pretenses, and you're making everyone
disappear one by one, and Giamba's like, what why would

(39:52):
I do that? He's like, well, because you know, and
Ander's going to find out about turning yourself into a
vampire with somebody else. And he says, then why wouldn't
I just kill Nandor? And he says, uh, because we
all know your secret. Okay, So then I kill everyone

(40:13):
because I want to keep the secret from Nandor. But
then I still kill Nandor too, And Colin just sits
there for a moment and says, Huh, maybe maybe I
missed a clue. Is it something where the last person
alive and inherits the house? Now, even when I was

(40:36):
saying that, that didn't really make sense, And that got
me a little bit because that's such a thing like
this is a sort of my pet peeve about some
murder mysteries. There are some where the solution was sort
of right in front of you and you just failed
to connect certain dots and understand their motivation or who
they were, you know, because they're pretending to be somebody else.

(40:58):
And then there are ones where the detective they leap
to a conclusion that absolutely nobody would leap to because
they actually had information that the audience didn't, or they
had like made a connection that the audience would like,

(41:18):
you know what I'm saying. So I get really salty
when it's that, because I want a murder mystery where
I feel like I'm working with the same clues and
it's sort of feeling like I and the detective in
the story are on the same side. If you're just
gonna do whatever by having them know things that I

(41:43):
haven't read yet, I don't feel like I'm part of
that mystery, and that really really takes the fun out
of it for me. So anyway, this bit where like,
oh it's a clause where the last person who's alive.
There will be stuff like that that will just pop
at the end of the book out of nowhere, and
they'll just be like, oh, well, you didn't know about

(42:05):
this clause, and I'll be like, yeah, no, I didn't know.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
About that clause.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
Nobody knew about that clause, which feels like cheating. Actually,
if you can't write a mystery that stays a mystery
without just completely hiding plot points, that doesn't seem like
you're doing a great job. But anyway, so this is
when the guide comes in and she has her injured

(42:32):
leg and is saying about how, like Nandor, he really
just took off so quickly. You'd think he would say, no, no,
I'm not gonna leave you behind just to be nice,
but he just took off. And then he got swooped
into the trees and I couldn't find him. And Colin
sits back and says, and then there were three. But

(42:52):
earlier he had a really really sort of smug energy,
and now he seems truly bewildered. So Giamo is helping
her with her leg and trying to be like me,
let's just look at it and see what we're dealing with,
even though she's insisting that she's fine, And when he
shrieks about how much blood there is, she says something

(43:13):
about how every day we're given opportunities to be kind
to someone else, to make them feel included doesn't seem
like much to ask, but for some people it's just
something they won't do, even though they should know it
would mean the world to other people. And she's looking

(43:35):
at Colin here and I'm waiting for her to do
a setup, right, like are you just are you going
to give him a chance?

Speaker 2 (43:41):
To do something.

Speaker 1 (43:41):
She says, there's do you know what it feels like
when there's a whole group of buddies and no matter
what you do, they will never see you as part
of that group. And Guillermo does, but as he starts
to say this to her, she's like, no, no, no, I
wasn't asking you. We look over at Colin and I'm thinking, like,

(44:04):
you know, she's going to give him some act. You know,
I didn't realize that. Just the fucking acknowledging that she
had spoken and engaging in this way, this was the
act she was looking for. And he can't even do this.
When she glances back, he's got his phone out and
he just says the Celtics one noise, and even Guillermo

(44:29):
goes Colin. He looks up, what were you saying something?
And she says, oh fuck it. They can't all be clever.
And she opens this brass box on the table next
to her and she just smashes the button, which.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
I really really enjoy.

Speaker 1 (44:48):
That is all it is is. I want to know
how many traps there are in this house and did
she put them all in place? Were they already there?
And she took advantage of them, like, how did she
set this up here on the side table and make
sure that he sat in that chair? How any of
it doesn't matter? I know, every like a lot of
what I'm saying this episode doesn't matter. But you know what,

(45:10):
that's kind of the point of Unspoiled, is I speculate
about shit that doesn't matter a lot. I will I
will focus on things that nobody else really cares that
much about for the fun of it, or I will
spiral out of control thinking about the implications in the
world building of one thing being true. Well, then that

(45:31):
must mean so that's what you're here for, right, So
you know what, maybe I should just stop apologizing for
kind of going off on these tangents when I'm pretty
sure that's like the point of me actually, m yeah,
all right, so anyway, uh Kiera. Meanwhile, he's standing there
having just watched him plummet through the hole in the chair,

(45:53):
and is like, what the fuck? And then she leads
him into the basement and there they all are in
these amazing cages, really beautifully lit. We got some nice
design going on here. I love when she says that
they're solid silver, and Colin says, well, I'm immune to silver,

(46:15):
so good luck keeping me in and she says, well,
do you have the key and he just says no,
Oh that was funny. So at this point, oh, you guys,
I said earlier, did she do the voice? And she

(46:35):
does the voice here Morgan Manor can be a treacherous place.
She did do the recording. I love it. I didn't
notice this. I don't know how I missed this. So this,
you know, leads into the explanation of everybody here got

(46:59):
given a million chances to be nice to me, and
when she's even trying to explain, they don't want to
hear it. Even this part, you know, she's like trying
to say it. She decides to say it slowly and
they're just like, no, it's fine, we're good. The person
who's not getting it is Nandor. He thinks that Perdita

(47:21):
is pretending to be the guide for reasons like dude,
where are you? What are you talking about? But eventually
they get to the point where she's like, yeah, I
know that she spends her summers in her chateau somewhere else.
I think she says, just stat is how you pronounce that?

(47:43):
And I wanted to teach you guys a lesson. So
we see this board that she's got set up, which
is all covered with their portraits and like maps of
the house. And I want to read like some of
these little bits here because we have illustrations of bear

(48:08):
trap target with some opportunity to save. I think it
says kitchen victim. I don't know why. What will he
decide damsel in distress? Use humans to drive target toward
hidden net. Okay, so that's nandor lure target to location,

(48:33):
offer target final chance, click fall down. I love these.
This is giving like home alone, a little bit overwhelm with. Sorry,
I'm just trying to see and then ambush and the
decoys and the drawings. I just love the way these
are drawn, like they're beautiful, you know. So yeah, she's

(48:55):
saying you guys all did this to yourself and not
just says you decided to do all of this instead
of having a short conversation with us about your feelings.
And the guide stops and sort of looks up and says, well, yes,
I guess I did, in like a aren't I silly sort

(49:18):
of way, But I just want to mention the guide
has attempted to have a conversation about her feelings a
few times and has been completely blown off. So I
just don't see a reason why you would continue attempting
that when it really seems quite clear that these people

(49:41):
have absolutely no interest in your feelings. Like the suggestion
here is supposed to be how silly she is for
deciding to do something this drastic, but considering how utterly
ignored she has been, a part of me doesn't feel like.

(50:03):
I mean, it is dramatic, but the way they have
been has been so unusually terrible that I don't even
feel like her response is so unusually terrible in response
I considering everything, it's not like she's like killing them.
She'd been planning to leave them down here, but like

(50:23):
they'd been found, you know, the lady comes back from
her Vaca, has staff go to the basement for whatever
they'd found them, so it wouldn't have really even been
that big a deal. But yeah, so this, uh, the
Germo tries to leave and she stops him and is

(50:47):
explaining the fact that, like, I was always on the
outside and every time I try to get close, I
get burned, And I really really liked you all, but
you treated me like an afterthought, and we see a
little bit a montage of how many times she attempted
to connect, and it comes back to Colin saying, so,
what are we a clip show? Now?

Speaker 2 (51:08):
What are we?

Speaker 1 (51:09):
Golden Girls?

Speaker 2 (51:11):
Ouch?

Speaker 1 (51:13):
I really do like that though, because honestly, when I
think of clip shows, I think of Golden Girls immediately,
like that's the first thing I think of. And I
don't know if it's because they are particularly known for it,
or if it's just part of the way that I
watched television, But one of my favorite bits is in Community,
where it's a clip show, but it's all clips of

(51:34):
things that we have never seen before, and they just
treat it as if don't you remember this episode where
this happened and we have never seen any of this?
And I always found that a particularly fun joke. These
weird It's almost like the writers had come up with
these sort of half baked ideas that they never pursued,
and they just saved them all in a folder until

(51:54):
it was time to write a clip show, and then
they pulled out all of these like well, not quite
fully formed idea and they were like, oh, what if
we do this thing? So anyway, this is when Naja
brings up her curse and she's like, I think this
might have been my fault because of the curse that
I got hext with, and she's like, no, there isn't one.

(52:19):
There never was. I just made you think there was.
God I forgot that. Colin says, did not have that
on my twenty twenty three bingo card. Do you ever
have moments where because clearly Colin saying that line means

(52:39):
that that's like a very played thing to say, right
like ugh. But and I will say, I don't know
if I've ever said that sentence or typed it out.
So I don't feel personally like hurt by the implication
that it's played on that level. It's more that I

(53:02):
wouldn't have thought of it as played if I saw
it somewhere. So the fact that I haven't clocked that
something is played by the time it is makes me
feel really old, Like it's if it's played out enough
that it's a joke on a currently running show. I
feel like I shouldn't know by now that it's over

(53:25):
and we don't say that anymore, and you know, like
just to be clear, you say whatever you want to say.
But there are definitely certain phrases that like I am
very over in terms of their prevalence, especially on social media.
One of the biggest ones for me is we did
a thing and it's a picture of people holding like

(53:46):
the keys to their new house or their new car,
or a couple like, you know, doing a pregnancy announcement
or something. We did a thing. Oh, come on, I
get it, you're trying to kind of be joky and
underplay what you're telling everybody, But it's just so uninteresting
a way to do it, you know. That's that for me,

(54:08):
I think is the first one I think of when
I'm like, shit, that we just don't need to do
it this way anymore. And they you know, I'm not
like saying if you do that that you're a complete
goon who doesn't deserve friends. I'm just saying, like, come
up with your own way of saying something and be
fun about that, you know, be personal. Don't just take

(54:32):
something that if I typed we did a thing into
the search bar on Twitter, I would get seven hundred
and sixty four thousand individual separate hits. That's all I'm saying.
Miss t says I was over wait for it immediately
I don't feel like I've seen is are you talking

(54:54):
about like wait for it, like when somebody's posting a
video so that they're telling you to like get like
make sure you actually make it to.

Speaker 2 (55:03):
The end of the video.

Speaker 1 (55:05):
Because that one is one that I have really mixed
feelings about, where part of me agrees it's super played,
but another part of me is like, folks don't watch
to the end of videos. They don't, so part of
me wants to be like I get, I kind of
get just wanting to tell people have some fucking patience,
you toddlers with your like twenty four second attention spans.

(55:29):
It's thirty seconds long. Please get to the end, you know,
But I also get what you mean. There was there
was another one the other day where somebody was like, uh,
I'm trying to feel oh, oh, you know what. Okay,
So this is gonna be two different ones, but they're
like the same energy. One of them is but y'all

(55:54):
don't want to talk about that. And it's after somebody
will say a thing that they think is really deep
or cutting and incisive, like they're really holding up a
mirror to society, and then they'll act like nobody ever
talks about this. I'm the only one who's brave enough
to bring it up. But they'll have said something extremely

(56:17):
wrong or really biased, or a thing that everybody talks about. Actually,
you are not interesting for doing this. You're just baiting
it's nonsense, you know. And in a similar fashion, I
just it's a sort of format where people will be like,

(56:45):
it's okay to want people to listen to you when
you speak. It's okay to want to take over a
castle and kill all of the servants. It's okay to
want to become a bog witch follow your dreams. And
it starts off as like a funny like well, we're
just doing a little like hey, validation, but then it
turns into a more and more extreme goofy scenario. I

(57:08):
don't mind those in general, but there is a tendency
for them all to have like the same end point
where it's very like specifically witchy or like goddess of
wrath or whatever, and it doesn't even go anywhere particularly
unique anymore. And I just see it a whole lot,

(57:30):
like I just, I don't know sometimes if it's just
the circles that I travel in, maybe this is just
a sign that I need to mix up who's on
my social media a little bit more. But I do
feel like I get hit with that sort of post
a whole lot, And there was definitely another one, but
I don't think anybody cares at this point, so let

(57:52):
me just move on from it. But yeah, so anyway,
Colin's saying that, and she says, I try to get
you to do something nice, treat me as a friend,
and then we could like take the curse off, so
to speak. And Naja says, I did thank you for
helping me with the curse, and she says, not once

(58:18):
I meant to you, didn't thank you so much. I
love that voice that she puts on there. Uh so, yeah,
she snaps at her too late, even to the bitter end,
hoping against hope, I gave each of you one last
chance to show me the smallest amount of kindness, and

(58:41):
even that was beyond you. And when Colin asks about Guillermo,
she's like, yeah, he's the only one that has ever
been nice to me, and she mentions they have done
the same thing to him. He's been waiting to become

(59:03):
a vampire for all this time, and even he was
forced to take matters into his own hands, at which
point Nandor says, sorry, what. Guillermo attempts to shift this, well,
I think you know, I don't think they mean to
exclude you, and Nander interrupts, circling back to taking matters

(59:27):
into his own hands, and everybody around him is very
clearly like avoiding eye contact and just sort of, oh,
you know, let's talk more about these cages and the oh,
what time is it anyway, and he starts to realize
this means they fucking know, and he's getting.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
More and more agitated.

Speaker 1 (59:53):
So finally Guillermo tells him, and I was like surprised
with simplicity with which he says it, master, I made
a big mistake. I didn't want to tell you because
I didn't want to hurt you. And as he's saying
all of this, Laslow is beside him, being like, no, no, no,

(01:00:14):
don't do this. Do not tell him.

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
What are you doing?

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
And he says, I went to somebody else and I
got made into a vampire by them. I asked them
to do it. And I love the way this actor
plays the scene, because Nandor reacts like he's just been
told he's been cheated. On, but like, it's a much
more extreme thing, even than being cheated on.

Speaker 2 (01:00:42):
In their eyes.

Speaker 1 (01:00:44):
You know, you asked someone else, a vampire who was
not me. I like, clearly you fucked someone else, you know,
I felt like I had no other choice. You could

(01:01:05):
have asked me, are you fucking kidding me? I asked
you repeatedly for thirteen years. Yes, and I was gonna
get around to it. And frankly, kids, I would have
snapped on him.

Speaker 2 (01:01:25):
Were I Guillermo in that moment.

Speaker 1 (01:01:28):
How old do you think Nandor is supposed to have
been by the time he was turned, Like, let's take
into account the aging process being a lot less kind.

Speaker 2 (01:01:36):
To ancient peoples.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
I would say in real life he's probably like thirty
five thirty eight, and in his era, I would put
him at like twenty six, maybe even younger. But how
old is Giermo meant to be? I really want Girmo.

(01:01:59):
I know that the point is not that Ghemo needs
to convince him, because the joke is that he doesn't
care enough to even be convinced. He won't listen long enough,
you know. But I was thinking about the fact that,
like Guemo is going to very shortly be too old
to be turned. And I've sort of been all over
the place with and when I say very shortly, I

(01:02:23):
mean like, if we're talking about waiting thirteen years as
being kind of a nothing amount of time, it will
be practically no time. But you know, I've been sort
of all over the place in terms of how the
show depicts, uh, the attitude about turning familiars, like they

(01:02:45):
had been treated like absolute nothings, And at times it's
almost seems like the joke is that you tell you're familiar,
they're gonna get turned, to get them to do everything
for you, but you never actually do it. And it
seems like it's sort of some of the Vamps treat
it more that way, and others seemed to be like, no,

(01:03:06):
I will turn them eventually, I'm just not ready to
like give up this awesome servant yet. So I think
I was just sort of like, I'm not really sure
where I fall on what I think is going on here,
And there have been a few times where I was like, no,
it seems like he was really going to turn him
the end of the last season or not the last one.

(01:03:26):
Season three, it seemed like he was really willing to
turn Gyermo at that point, and I've been wanting to
believe it, and then sort of thinking, am I just
being a dupe like Guermo? Is? Am I falling for
this line? And should I be embarrassed because I fucking

(01:03:47):
believed this shit?

Speaker 2 (01:03:48):
You know?

Speaker 1 (01:03:50):
But I couldn't really land on a decision. I couldn't
I couldn't fully commit to the idea, and even him
here saying I was gonna get around to it. I
just don't know if I actually believe him or not.
I want to because I just don't want to think

(01:04:12):
that he is this cruel to just use him. Obviously
he is cruel.

Speaker 2 (01:04:18):
They're all cruel to.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
A point, but it's a different thing when it's like
a character that you know at this point, and I'm
starting to be like, I think it is just that
he doesn't consider Ghermo, aging that he doesn't appreciate how
much time has passed. I mean, the joke in like
one of the very first episodes was that he didn't

(01:04:40):
realize it was the ten year anniversary. He said it
was two year so or something like that. So I
think I'm just gonna go with the fact that Nandor
is a himbo flake and give him like the benefit
of the doubt that it's not him being actually horrible

(01:05:03):
and just like using someone as a slave only to
inevitably someday probably kill them or let them die of
natural causes such as aging. I just don't want to
believe that of him, so I'm gonna go with the
like nicer version. But anyway, so this moment where the

(01:05:25):
thunder begins, he's then who was it? I don't think
that's really relevant. It's relative to me. What's done is done,
and he has Guillermo, and he just blurts out, Derek, well,
thank you for being honest with me. I appreciate it.
Now I'm going to be honest with you. I am
going to kill you, Guillermo, and then quite possibly myself. Now,

(01:05:53):
I really want to give this dude credit here, because
I have never actually been afraid of Neandor.

Speaker 2 (01:06:04):
It has never happened.

Speaker 1 (01:06:07):
As much as he says that he's Nandor the relentless,
The idea of him being terrifying in battle felt ludicrous
because he is just kind of a joke. No offense
but maybe offense though, and I simply couldn't imagine him

(01:06:28):
being intimidating in a genuine way, like he's tall and imposing.
He's clearly built, so in that sense, he looks intimidating
in a very basic tick the boxes.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Kind of way.

Speaker 1 (01:06:42):
But he's never really had the energy that made me go,
this guy was scary to people what.

Speaker 2 (01:06:50):
And it was so much fun to.

Speaker 1 (01:06:55):
Get him off, like let completely off the leash, and
to see him truly fucking murderous. It's just, you know,
we just haven't gotten to see this. The look that
he gives him and he's screaming at him, you're a
dead man, and his eyes are like pits. It's truly

(01:07:19):
I was like, oh, my fucking guy. And he starts
growling out at him, has his teeth out, and oh,
here it is. This is when Laslow interrupts and he says,
can you find the tapes from November the twenty first,
twenty twenty two, And the tapes roll and it's them

(01:07:43):
giving the Guide all of these compliments. I just think
that the Guide is really, really nice. She's more than nice.
She has a tremendous wit and a fantastic backside that
would usually make me very jealous if I didn't completely agree.
She's also a very good list and once you get
used to that voice, she has some very interesting things

(01:08:04):
to say. I've often thought, as I've searched for a wife,
that the answer might be right there under my nose
the whole time. And Laslo says, that's enough, Ryan. I
think she gets the point. You can turn that off.
And immediately I'm like, Okay, what do they say after that?
Because obviously he said this at a very particular time.
If I were evil Mabel, I would have been like, no, no, no,

(01:08:27):
no no. I want to keep listening to them say
nice things about me, and I probably would have been
able to like fuck it up enough to keep listening.
But she's so caught up in her own embarrassment over this,
like as she thinks of it as a misunderstanding that
she buys it hook line and sinker, and they, as

(01:08:51):
I said earlier, just sort of explained it away as like, oh, yeah,
well we're vampires and so we have difficulty sharing our
emotions and doing all of that gooey stuff, you know.
And it was the most effort, other than that clip,

(01:09:12):
the most effort that we have ever seen them make
on I was gonna say on her behalf, but it's not.
It's for their own behalf because they just want to
get out of this trap. So I was about to
give them some credit there and why they do not
deserve that, but she, like I said, is very embarrassed,

(01:09:33):
not just as something like, oh, don't worry, girly, we
all go crazy every once in a while, and just
really like plays it off. And I really wonder, like
I don't recall if there's another season or if this
is it, but if there were another season, how would
they deal with the Guide because she'd still be around.

(01:09:56):
Would they have to always fake being nice to her
because they were worried, which would actually be kind of
fun to watch. Is them like very ineptly attempting to
pretend to have interest in her? I don't know, so
uh yeah. She lets them all out of their cages,

(01:10:17):
and she is letting out Nandor, who is foaming at
the mouth to get at Guillermo. Guillermo turns into a
bat fully amazing I'm so excited for him and manages
to snatch the keys out of the Guide's hand and

(01:10:37):
he says, if I let you out of this cage,
do you promise not to kill me, and Nandor says,
I promise, and he says, do you mean it? And
he just yells no. So Leaslow says, I'm gonna give
you a head start. Get the fuck out of here,
like just run, and Guillermo bats once again and gets

(01:11:02):
out of there, and the episode ends with Nandor gripping
the silver bars and his hands sizzling and steaming as
he screams after him Garrima. And that's how it ends,
except for like the post credits thing where we find

(01:11:23):
out the only reason that they were saying these flattering
things about the Guide was because they were attempting to
convince Colin that she was a good match, that he
should maybe check her out, and then eventually she'd move
in with or he'd move in with her and leave
the house. And apparently he like knows exactly what they're doing.

(01:11:44):
And it's just funny to me the idea that they
would ever attempt to like hook him up with anybody
if he wasn't gonna make it work with.

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
Ev It's not happening with anybody.

Speaker 1 (01:11:54):
That's the only person that it could ever have, you know.
But uh yeah, so well that's the end of the episode,
and y'all, I just really this was a fun one.
This is a really really fun one, so I have
got to wrap up. I'm like way over time. I
didn't even realize you guys, but thank you so much

(01:12:15):
for hanging.

Speaker 2 (01:12:15):
Out with me.

Speaker 1 (01:12:15):
I appreciate you all. Thank you Max for commissioning these,
and until next time to lou motherfuckers. That was an

(01:12:52):
unspoiled network podcast.