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February 22, 2024 • 54 mins
Thank you very much to Max for commissioning this episode!


This episode is so weird because the main thrust of the plot is that everyone is trying to cheer up Laszlo due to bizarre behavior that turns out to be about whether to arrange his library by author or title. HOWEVER the real plot is really about the Baron finding out that Guillermo is a vampire killer who roasted him for real once.


Thanks for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is an Unspoiled network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering what we do in The Shadows Season five, episode eight.
The roast in this episode, I really enjoy that the
title of this episode is about, you know, the roast

(00:24):
that they're throwing for Laslow, but also the fact that
the baron gets roasted a couple times. Welcome to spoil Me,

(00:52):
Welcome to the show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you
very much to Max for commissioning this episode, this one.
I have such mixed feelings about this particular episode because
it's like, on the one hand, kind of a really

(01:14):
weak premise the whole thing with Laslow. At the same time,
it's not really about him after not even like what
ten minutes, we have moved on from Laslow as the issue.
So to another point, I'm sort of like, all right, well,
maybe this is fine. I just can't help but laugh

(01:37):
that the whole thing begins with him sitting still and
it's two solid weeks, I think, is how long they
say he has been behaving this way, and Naja is
beginning to get really agitated, and I love the way
that this goes. I fully thought that Guillermo was right

(02:02):
on the first viewing, and that the the his theory
about how he was looking for a solution to what
Guillermo is going through and the fact that he can't
stand defeat has like driven him mad. I mean, that's

(02:23):
kind of a dramatic way to put it, but there
is that's sort of what he's saying. And I realized
upon rewatch that the joke is really everybody thinks that
his breakdown, whatever they want to call it, is about them,

(02:45):
which is actually a way better joke. I think that
this sort of situation is always really remarkable, and there
have been like a few different things that I think
mainly that I have read, but there was one but
ticular book where a situation that is completely unrelated to

(03:06):
anybody is happening, and each POV that you see that
event from everybody takes it the wrong way and they
think for sure what's happening is directed at them, but
each of them is certain and it actually wasn't relevant
to any of them. And I always really really love

(03:30):
that premise, just because what these people assume tells you
a lot about them. First off, the fact that they
think it's about them. Secondly, some people will think it's
about them and be like, Oh, that motherfucker. Some people
will be like, oh, it's about me. How lame. I've
totally forgotten about that, you know, beef that we had.
Some people will be like, oh my god, it's about me.

(03:52):
I need to go and talk to them about it.
And I know you can think it's about you without
being totally self centered as a part, and the direction
that you go with your actions tells us everything we
need to know about you. So when we when I
like was on the rewatch, I sort of thought how

(04:14):
this episode could have, in my opinion, been a little
bit more interesting with the way that they decided to
do this and everybody behaving as if what's going on
with Laslow is actually about them. But we kind of
drop that pretty quickly in favor of everybody agreeing on
this roast idea, which Evil Mabel was the one who

(04:36):
actually came up with the roast idea, but it wasn't
until Colin Robinson suggested it that they actually listened. And
you guys, I I just feel so bad for Evil Mabel.
I know I've said this already in another episode, you know,
in terms of like how they're not including her and
Na just doesn't even see her as like a real

(04:57):
friend or anything. But what but I found sort of
funny this episode is previously I kind of enjoyed Evil
Mabel and found it surprising nobody liked her and all
seemed to see her as like kind of a non
entity basically, And this episode she fucks up real, real bad.

(05:19):
So I sort of had a moment of like stepping
back and be like, oh wait, maybe maybe this is
why she sucks, and maybe they're kind of right to
be leaving her out of things. I can't tell how
much she did this on purpose and not. I feel
like she didn't do it on purpose to fuck up Guermo,
because if I remember correctly, she has been wanting to

(05:41):
fuck Guermo, and so I feel like she'd just sort
of be more protective of him than otherwise. But I
think really the motivation was what she said, like she's
been left out of a joke so many times that
she saw a way to mitigate that for somebody else
and just did it because she hates that being done
to her and wanted to help. And it was, you know,
just the wrong call. But what I like too, and

(06:05):
I think I've said this previous to this she has
taken the place of Guillermo in some ways, like, Okay,
taking the place of him is wrong, that's not accurate.
But Guillermo's what's going on with him has moved on
a little bit from him just being the butt of
all the jokes about how like nobody likes you and

(06:28):
they won't accept you. That still happens, for sure, but
it's uh really seems like they're sort of letting that
go now that he's like transitioning into a vampire asterisk maybe,
and now that he's got this whole vampire hunter thing
and there's just another aspect of him that we have

(06:49):
learned since the beginning of the series. He is a
little bit more. I think he has a little bit
more of their respect, and I say a little bit,
like a really really a little bit. So having her
kind of be the one that is getting the brunt
of these I really like. And I also think maybe

(07:10):
it's on purpose that they just made her sort of
an inoffensive, decent person, because that's like the vamps aren't nice,
they don't they're not kind, generous, self aware people at all.
So maybe that's kind of the thing, is that, like
evil Mabel seems pretty decent, and the fact that they

(07:33):
don't like connect with her or like her at all
is like really a reflection on how shitty they are
in combination with just the mere fact of how they
treat her. But you know, I may be reaching on that.
I don't know. Let me know what you guys think
about that. So anyway, this is when they jump to

(07:53):
the roast itself, and I was really surprised at how
quickly we transition from this just being an idea to
full on we are at the roast and everybody is
in attendance. I kind of thought the episode would be
about planning it and that roast would be at the end,
but instead it's like the first thing that we deal

(08:16):
with after establishing why we're doing it, and everybody is
here already. Sean is here again, having been like they
promise to hypnotize him and get him to forget. They're
gonna break Sean. It's gonna have to happen, like they're
doing this to him too much. But the whole thing

(08:39):
with the way that they eat roast Laslow, so Nando
does the most sort of like traditional type roasting to
open things up, just given Laslow himself grief, mentioning people
in the audience giving them grief, like he feels pretty

(09:00):
much as like the host, right, And then Naja comes
up and ms Te says, I thought the saying that
we would have to plan it the whole time. Very
glad to have been wrong. Agree. Yeah, when I say that,
that's what I expected. I don't want you guys thinking
I mean that's what I wanted. I just thought that
was how it was going to go. And what they

(09:23):
decided to do was funny because it was like, oh, well,
we'll just get everybody together and have some people say
some shit, which, if I am not mistaken, is often
how things go. Like people will make a joke at
a gathering because they think everybody gets the joke, and
the fact that they assumed a bunch about how much

(09:43):
every person knew will turn out to be a big problem,
you know. So I did like the way that that
wound up sort of shaking out. But anyway, so Naja
she goes up there and she does a whole bunch
of you might be a Laslo Cravensworth. I love the
fact that it's not you might be a Laslow because
that works too well. That's the same number of syllables

(10:06):
as redneck. And that's just it's too good. We have
to say you might be a Laslow Cravensworth, which is
just so clumsy sounding and like everybody goes with it
in the audience, but it's just it's such a missed
opportunity to do it the first way and have it
be simple. And I really like that they just had
her not do that. One of the things she says,

(10:30):
you guys is if, like, if you think coming on
a pillow is the same thing as making your wife dinner,
you might feel so Cravence. Oh my god, you guys
are so and like you know, I have swallowed my

(10:54):
share of come. I have nothing against it. It's when
it's like on another surface that I'm just it's like, okay,
now it's different. Now now we're doing a different thing.
I can't anymore. That's it. I have like a certain
boundary and it's there once we have put it on
another object. It's awful. Menu. I'm sorry it's too late anyway.

(11:18):
So this, uh, you guys, there is a moment here
where fucking Colin gets up. He tried. This show is
so good at these like painful moments. I feel like

(11:39):
it's the exact kind of comedy that I can't take
in large doses, Like whole shows that are this sort
of cringe comedy, I can't do it. You know, it's
just overwhelming. I can't like, for example, rewatch the first
season of The Office. I, y'all, I disappear inside my

(11:59):
own boy. It is absolutely out of the question. But
having the little bits of it that they do in
this show, it's just the perfect amount, just a little
chef's kiss of a reminder, this is what this guy
is like, this person is like, and how that manifests.

(12:24):
And I feel like if it were done any other way,
if they did it more, I would have a struggle
getting through this show. That's all. So anyway, he tries
to tell this fucking aristocrats joke. Now, if you guys

(12:45):
haven't heard this joke, Basically, the joke of the joke
is that it isn't an official script, and everybody, it's
sort of the kind of joke you adapt have and
like any sort of joke that's like, oh, did you
hear about the priests and the so and so? Like,

(13:05):
you can adapt shit with that all you want. If
you hear that squeaking. Sorry, guys, my regular headphone is
cracked in half the other day, so I'm having to
wear my backup ones and they are so noisy. But
what I was saying was you can adapt any word
of mouth sort of joke, right, like, that's just the
nature of them. But the explicit thing with the Aristocrats

(13:30):
is that the way people alter it is particularly like
revealing about the person telling the joke and the audience
to whom they are telling it as well, because what
the joke is is basically, this family comes in and
tells this guy get ready for this amazing family act.

(13:51):
They do a series of horrific, sometimes sexual, filthy things,
sometimes just straight up like shit and piss filthy, and
sometimes it'll be like disturbing, you know, something violent, whatever,
and they'll say this thing. They'll do all of these things,
and then at the end of the act, with the

(14:12):
person who's like the talent scatter or whatever sitting there
stunned and horrified, he'll ask, what do you call the act?
And they say the Aristocrats and the joke meaning that
they did these like hideous things, and then they named
it something that is sort of, you know, incongruous, and
that's the joke. And like I said, everybody who tells it,

(14:35):
they do it in a slightly different way, and so
there's a real personal spin on it depending on who
you hear it from. And it's one of those jokes
that's sort of like notorious in comedy circles that people
like to sort of outdo each other with the stuff
that they come up with. And there was actually a whole,
like I want to say, like basically a documentary about

(14:57):
the joke itself where they went from one celebrity to
another and asked them if they'd heard the joke and
the version that they had heard, and whether or not,
like like who taught it to them and what varieties
of them of the joke have they heard up until

(15:18):
this point in their lives, And it's just this huge thing.
And so anyway, that's the background for those who aren't familiar.
And because of the joke being so flexible, the point
of it basically being that like you can do this
whatever way you want. It's perfect for somebody like Colin

(15:39):
Robinson to fuck up because he doesn't have like a
real easy pacede script. He has to sort of make
up the things and so he says them out of order,
And you, guys, have you ever been around a person
who tells jokes in this way? Like they get shit

(15:59):
out of order and they don't. The smart thing to
do is if you fuck up like this, you drop
it right. And I have seen this myself where there
has been a person who they realize I sent the
fucking punchline already and they just go, Okay, I've ruined it.
Never mind, And as much as that's tragic, that's appropriate.

(16:21):
This is what you should do is just be like,
all right, never mind, I'm calling an audible and I
no longer get to finish the joke because I just
ruined it. But he keeps trying to like restart and
backtrack and like be like, oh, and also there's like
the family dog that's there that'll be important later. The
worst possible way to try and tell a joke is

(16:43):
by like making sure people pay attention to certain things.
The joke needs to be simple and concise enough that
they can't fail to pay attention to the significant thing
that will come up later. If you have to like qualify, oh,
this detail is important later, so remember it it that's
no longer a joke that's a fucking script for a

(17:04):
movie or something. You're confusing the issue. Keep it snappy. Okay,
let's get this show on the road. So anyway, I
also love how the way that they film this is
always that we see the beginning of this awkward thing,
but then the camera will just pull away and we
don't have to watch it all and we just know
that it continues to go on. It's like they did

(17:26):
it this way here and then in the previous episode
with the UH, or the maybe the one before that
with a campaign, they just have the fast forward button
going through it, which was also a really really clever
way to do it. But this UH, we jump to Nandorgon,
who is like saying something about how here it is

(17:50):
look at this. Oh that's right. Yeah, everybody's fallen asleep
because he's draining them, assuming he's draining them on purpose. Right.
There are times where I'm sort of like, is this
just who Colin is? You know? And he like tunes
in and is like, ooh, yummy, a treat. But that
wasn't necessarily what he went in trying to do. But okay,

(18:15):
so the thing with uh, the who knows more about
roasting than his beloved Rby's is what he says about Guillermo.
And when this guy starts roasting a vampire, you better
bring a bun and also some ketchup, and everybody's sort
of like what. And this is when Mabel tells on Chillermo.

(18:40):
I don't know how she even knows this information, To
be honest, I don't have a problem with her knowing
for the record, I'm just curious, like, did somebody just
tell her she wasn't around when all of that was
going down? I don't think unless I'm wrong, but I
didn't think so. So yeah, she whispers, and you guys,
the way that they film the moment of her telling

(19:04):
the baron is so good because he just gets this
look like his eyebrows go up just and it's like,
when I say his eyebrows go up, I don't mean
like a surprised way. His eyebrows go up at like
in a way that would be overacting for any other character,

(19:28):
but for him is absolutely on point. The drama of it,
The way his eyes like a bug out of his
head and he slowly turns to Guillermo and stares at
him like it is so fucking funny. I laughed so
hard in that the way he played he is so

(19:48):
good in like he's always fun. But this episode in particular,
they had some excellent lines. And this moment when he
sees Guillermo go up there, Oh my god, we've also
find out that she told him about his van Helsing lineage.
So the Baron is sitting there and getting very up

(20:09):
in his feelings about this whole thing, and Giermo is
doing his more like Cravens worthless speech, but he doesn't
really hit And so when the baron stands and says
he'd like to say a couple words, they immediately kick
Guermo for the baron's sake. And what is it that
Nandor says when he says the microphone for the baron,

(20:32):
please welcome a man who knows quite a lot about
sick burns. And look again that he gives him. Oh
my god, So the baron, this is great. Look at
this festive assembly, all of us gathered here together, chuckling

(20:52):
at jokes and silliness and jack and napery. I guess
there's only one thing left to say. What is this shit?
And they all laugh like genuine sincere laughter. You call yourselves, vampires.
This entire evening has been nothing but a pageant of

(21:14):
insipid nonsense, worshiping at the altar of your own mediocre,
mediocre frivolity. A gestures hollow dance, and who's laughing, and
somebody cheers, and he just sends that guy flying into
a wall. He says, vampires are supposed to hold blood,

(21:37):
host blood orgies and slaughter circles. You have all gone soft.
You even invited humans to this as nine affair. All right,
you know what, Shawn is cool, he's a good time.
I take that one back. But everything else is a
fucking embarrassment to the very word vampire. And when Nander

(21:58):
explains we were just trying to up Laslow. Vampires do
not need cheering up, and he says it in the voice,
the whole place goes dark for a second. Sparks fall
from the ceiling and his eyes glow red, and he
explains that vampires are not supposed to be cheerful. They

(22:20):
are supposed to brood and plan murders. And the worst
part I find out only tonight that you have all
been keeping secrets around here, have you not? I know
you have been harboring a vampire killer and right here

(22:45):
under your own And I love Gierma, like very slowly
edging up in his seat, who in fact tried to
kill me and nandor attempting to buy some time. What
do you mean? And he said, don't insult my intelligence
or intelligence, so he says it with his accent. You know,

(23:07):
I think it's inelligence. I don't know, but anyway, at
this point, Guillermo runs and he turns into a bat
and flies after him. It is a really fun gesture
that he makes to turn into a bat as well.
Just overall absolute, like eleven out of ten performance from
this guy. I love the way he says jack and napery, Like,

(23:29):
just go back and just rewatch this whole scene and
just focus on how much he fucking is loving every
second of this role. He is having such a great time,
and I have to imagine it is super fun. So
then we have the fight between him and Guillermo, which

(23:51):
goes on for quite a while. He is, you know,
picking up Germo and choking him. Guermo is stabbing him
with various wooden objects, and you know, it's all the
middle of the night. But what I found fun was
that Gama. He runs, but instead of like heading just
out into the city at random, he waits for the
baron to follow and then doubles back and goes back

(24:13):
into the house. And I was sort of surprised by that,
but I felt like it might be actually a pretty
good move in terms of just what nobody is going
to expect, Like you would try and really get away, right,
but it does not fool the baron, you know, so
I love to the baron walks out and both Nandor

(24:33):
and Naja are like holding onto his robe. I'm pretty
certain that those are like little dummies that are dressed
to look like them, And even knowing that, that was
still really really funny. So at this point, the two
of them are literally chasing each other around the house,

(24:55):
like around the outside, crawling up and over everything, and
they are trying to talk the baron down from continuing
to go after Guillermo because the reason the baron is
basically taking it as like a given that he's going
to win this fight, and they have to be like, hey, dude,

(25:17):
no offense, don't take this the wrong way. But he's
a vampire killer though, so like it's possible, you don't
come out of this just fine, just a little for
instance that you should consider. So what they eventually do
is they trap each of them in a different way.

(25:42):
They trap the They've tracked Giermo first by pretending that
they have the Baron in this bag and that he's
like hurt and maybe if Guillermo were to help him
he would forgive him, which sure, and of course Giermo

(26:03):
comes forward, they tase him and he gets broad inside
and tied to a chair. And then the other one
is they try to they succeed in capturing the Baron
by simply pretending that they have Guillermo and that he's
free to kill him. That you know, okay, go ahead,
I guess like you know, not everything always works out.

(26:27):
And guys, I really do like this method. I like
the the concept of just each of them having completely
different reactions. And here's Gillermo just hoping to be like
forgiven and fat chance Bud super duper not happening. So
basically what happens is in the end, Guillermo, we jump

(26:57):
to this moment where we have Nandor saying like, okay,
both of you have got to understand, first of all,
to the Baron, we need to review this. You agree
that when Guermo opened the door and fried you with
the sun, he did not know that you were inside

(27:20):
at the time. I do, great, And Guillermo, you accept,
even though it was an accident, that the Baron has
every right to be very fact mad at the fact
that he got fried by the sun, and Gimo says,
I do. The baron says, I will accept your apology

(27:42):
if you will accept the fact that I'm still going
to kill you. And what follows is one of my
personal favorite line deliveries and lines of the show ever.
Nandor says Guiermo, he is trying to meet you in
the middle here, and the Baron says, it's like he

(28:06):
doesn't even want this to be resolved by my killing him. You, guys,
I did not do that line justice in the least,
but fuck, he delivers it so well. I watched this
episode twice, and on the second time I laughed just

(28:28):
as hard because I had forgotten the line and it
was so well done, and there's just enough of a
pause that it seems like the end of the sentence,
like it's so good. I love this baron so much.
I was so surprised by the way things go, you guys,
because in the end spoilers, Giermal burns this baron again.

(28:51):
And I was thinking throughout this whole episode how it
seemed probably to this act who, from what I understand,
often plays under really really heavy makeup. He's extremely tall
and really really thin, so you can do a lot
of makeup on him, and that brings him out to
looking average size. Instead of a lot of people who

(29:14):
if they were wearing that kind of makeup, their whole
look would be like out of proportion and it would
be very clear they're wearing makeup. He can kind of
look rather natural in it. So he does that kind
of thing a lot, and I was sort of thinking
to myself that probably getting him back to his normal
look of just you know, this guy and this wig

(29:37):
is a huge relief to their budget because they don't
have to do this intense heavy makeup every time he's
on screen. And maybe that's why they brought him back
to looking like himself, was because they couldn't afford to
keep doing that. And then by the end of this episode,
he gets fried again and he's right back in that makeup,

(29:59):
and I was like, well, there goes that theory, I
should have realized that what it was was they were like, oh, yeah,
let's take him out of that look so that we
can put him into that look in a truly spectacular
fashion leader. So anyway, that was an aside, because that's
later on. But Nandor he leaves to get some blood

(30:20):
because he initially orders it and forgets that Giermo is
tied to a chair and cannot get it. And while
he's gone, Guermo says that he has found a way
to renounce his vampire hunter lineage, and the baron is like,
the fuck he did. And as soon as Naja realizes

(30:44):
the direction that Guillermo is going in terms of what
he is about to tell this guy, she's like, hey, buddy,
maybe that's not a great idea. But Guillermo goes for
it anyway and tells this dude that he has been turned,
that he went to somebody other than Nandor for it,

(31:05):
like the whole thing. And what I have really enjoyed
is the fact that every time he tells a vamp
what he did and asks what do you think Nandor
will do? I think that without fail they have always
said probably kill you. And then himself. I just really

(31:26):
do think that's funny that everybody it's like, you know,
we know exactly how this is going to go, and
it's not going to be pretty my friend anyway. So
he tells the Baron this, who is horrified but also
kind of impressed, like, you know, the oh my god,

(31:49):
I forgot the fact that Gamo says it was that
vampire named Derek, and he says it in a way
that you know, it takes for granted that the Baron
knows who he means. And for a second, I was like,
the any time the Baron ever met him was like
at Nandor's wedding, right, but no, it was like the
previous episode of the one before that when he tries
to double turn somebody. Yeah, Guillermo tries to call this sticky,

(32:15):
and he says, I think this is more than just sticky.
It's a devastation, a wiolation, a humiliation, a shame from
which neither you nor Nandor shall ever recover. And Guillermo says,
that's why I haven't told him, and I would appreciate

(32:37):
it if none of you would tell him either, which, yeah,
I liked the acknowledgment that evil Mabel is standing there
because there goes a gal who is not good at
keeping a secret, and of course the first thing that
she says is how good she is at keeping a secret,
which some of the people who are worse at keeping
secrets really think they're good at that shit. Did you
ever notice that? Have you guys seen this before? It

(32:59):
is really remarkable. But the way that she says it again,
I was just so unsure. Am I supposed to think
that she outed Guillermo on purpose or that she's just
truly unaware of how bad she is at this? I
kind of think it's that one actually, that she doesn't

(33:20):
even really consider the fact that she's the cause of
all of this as being her fault, Like she just
you know, well, Guierremo, you did do the thing and
so got to take your medicine, you know. But anyway,
so this the baron is basically like I mean, I

(33:43):
would definitely not tell him, but it's coming out eventually.
Oh my god, Colin saying I would like to be excluded,
actually explicitly Guillermo, you all have much graver matters to
discuss here, and I want no heart of what might
transpire if and he says if and Nandor comes in

(34:06):
at that very moment with a flat pepsi For Guillermo,
he kind of gets it right, That's not too bad.
It could be a lot worse. So this is when
they announce that they've called a truce, and the baron says,
I will not be the one to take this familiar's

(34:27):
life tonight and gives Guillermo this very very significant look.
So this is the point at which Guillermo and the
Baron have their little heart to heart right in front
of the door, and he says it's going to come
out eventually, and it will be best if he hears

(34:48):
it from you, and he gets his ass fried again.
And then when we jump to the talking heads, everybody
is saying, well, the baron, you know, is basically going
to wake up and track down Guillermo and definitely fucking
kill him, like for sure. So I'm like thinking, as

(35:13):
I'm watching this, I had sort of lost track of
the time, and I thought that was where the episode
was going to end, that we were just like on
a cliffhanger, and then we were gonna come back to
the baron chasing Germo, and that was gonna be like
the next episode was him sort of hiding. But no,
we're only like twenty episode or twenty minutes into the episode.
There's still another eight minutes to go. I'm trying to

(35:35):
see the time here. Iss hard to see, but yeah.
So immediately the baron says, where's Guillermo? And Laslow when
he asks Nandor first, and Nandor says, look, I know
that he has almost killed you twice, and he did

(35:55):
massacre an entire theater of vampires. The baron immediately wait
what and Nander just smooth sails right on past that.
But he did so to defend his master. Whatever Guillermo's flaws.
Maybe he has always been loyal to me, has he? Yes? Baron?

(36:20):
M has he? Though, yes, Baron, he has? You are
certain enough? Yes, yes, I am. Well. I would just
say that it's complicated, but we can discuss this further
after I kill him. Yes, now, where would he run?

(36:42):
And Laslo just tells him straight up he isn't here.
He's in the tool shed. That's where he goes to
hide and wank. Guys, tell me what you think. Did
Laslow say this explicitly because he knew that the Baron

(37:03):
would have a decoy to kill and that it would
just satisfy him for the time being. He says, why
delay the inevitable when they ask him why he did it.
So I think it is supposed to be that he
didn't care about Giero and was about to let him die,
But a part of me sort of thought he was
just like, oh, yeah, that's probably like, you know, he'll

(37:25):
run into that weird creature and then we'll be able
to have this dude out of our hair for the
time being. So then we have the Baron carrying in
Giermo's body and dumping him on the floor. And as
soon as I saw him, I was like, this dude
looks off. What's up? What's on his face? Like you

(37:45):
could see that there was something wrong with it, and
it could have been that it was bruised, but it
didn't look bruised the last time he saw him. And
pretty quickly we get this, like, Okay, this dude just
straight up looks wrong. I love Everybody gathered around Guillermo's
body and the Barons saying Okay, now I'm starting to

(38:08):
feel a little bad. But on the bright side, he
was just a familiar He was not just a familiar.
He was my bodyguard, he was the best man at
my wedding. He was my friend. And I wish Germo
had been there to actually hear that, because it's like

(38:28):
the only thing he wanted in his life and he
missed it. I really wish that, Like I want him
to like go back and watch this footage that the
camera people you know, like in the universe, and see
that and just be like, oh my god, he finally
said it. There were friends. So she calls Laslo to

(38:49):
help carry Guermo out, and oh, no, you know what,
I was theorizing that he did this on purpose to
like bake out the baron. But he comes out and
says that says, that's not Gizmo, right in front of
the baron. So it makes no sense that he would
try and like fucking around and give him a fake.

(39:11):
If he's just gonna immediately then say that isn't the
guy that you thought. That wouldn't make any sense. So yeah,
he just straight up did not care whether Germo died
or not. Oh what a bummer. And when they all
argue about whether or not it's really Guillermo, he cuts
up the center of Guermo's body and yanks out a

(39:32):
weird uh like he calls it gills, but I don't
know how you know those are what those are? But yeah,
just pulls out a bunch of parts like an eggsack
and everything, and it's like, yeah, no, that's that's definitely
not him, and his eyes pop out in this crazy way.

(39:53):
That's really like, I think it's all cgi, but it
looks pretty good. So this is when the baron says,
you know what, I will let him go. I was
going on and on about all of you and how
you've gone soft. Deep down, it is I who have

(40:13):
gone soft. And they all argue with him, and he
stops them and says, guys, let's get real for a sec.
I live in the suburbs of New Jersey in a
two bedroom craftsman with a breakfast nook. I don't none
of my neighbors fear me. I have a dog. And

(40:38):
you know, just the whole way that he talks about this.
I loved this so much because, you guys, the whole like,
we're fucking vampires were supposed to brood and murder people
and be fucking tough badasses and whatever. This is the
kind of speech that always winds up coming out of
some vampire. In any like long running vampire series, you're

(41:01):
always going to have vamps that are sort of like
fundamentalists about how vampires should behave and who look down
on vampires who are looking for acceptance from like human
beings or who are trying to curb the the appetites
of other vampires. And in True Blood, this was like

(41:22):
a particular like there was basically a vampire supremacist movement
that was not in the suokie books. And I really
enjoy the subversion of this that the baron gets super
angry and then comes back around and realizes I was
just like feeling self conscious actually like I was talking

(41:44):
some shit that I shouldn't have been because that was
about me. What I just what a great like way
to handle it. And when he says that he has
a dog, they show him like carrying the fire extinguisher
for the hell hounds poops because its poops are like
on fire, and that I thought was actually a pretty

(42:07):
great joke. And what about the sire two ancient legendary vampires.
At this point, we are more like roommates than roommates
who viciously murder humans together you know, it can mean lonely,
this American dream. So at this point, these little creatures

(42:32):
are coming out of this fake Giermo's chest cavity, and
the baron takes them home and is like playing with them,
and basically it's like they're his babies, and it's so
creepy and awful. I really hate these creatures, you guys.
The fucking toads with hair was as far as I

(42:54):
could go, and I'm sorry, but y'all have lost me
on the rest of it. So we jumped then to
Nandor staring out the window. I can't believe I'll never
see Guillermo again. I hope he is okay out there,
and I love him, like he's looking at this window,
and then pretty sure I told him to dust here

(43:18):
he turns and he goes to get into his coffin,
and Guillermo was inside it, and he says, I thought
this would be the last place the baron would look,
and I was like, oh, that's actually a really good call. Yeah.
So of course, then we have this goofy moment where
Nandor is like, how do I know you're the real

(43:38):
Guillermo And he tells him his last name saying like,
but anybody would know that? And he's like, would they?
How does Gamo do my hair on formal occasions? Half
up half down also known as half down half up?

(44:03):
So close? I was looking for Sarah Toga split And
Giermo says, I should have known that one? Why why?
Why should you have known that one? And then he says,
the first day Ghermo became my familiar, he gave me
a card. What did that card say? And it said

(44:27):
to be a vampire is my dream to be your familiar,
will be my honor. And you see Nandor get all
emotional and he then says, close enough, you guys, I
think we're going to reach a point where Nandor realizes

(44:50):
that he cares enough about Guillermo that he wants to
turn him now. And this is gonna be what causes
Giermo to have to like come clean. He just gets
a real look on his face, like you know, oh
my gosh. And when Ghemo was like, how did you

(45:11):
know to ask that, he says, I know you better
than anybody enough to know when you've been keeping a
little secret from me, And Garamo naturally assumes the worst
and that he's talking about becoming a vampire. I love
the look that he gives the camera, like oh shit.

(45:32):
And then Nandor sits up and he says, is there
something you'd like to tell me? Long pause? You made
a part in my coffin, didn't you? And Gemo says,
I made a part of your in your coffin very softly.

(45:56):
You guys, do you think he really did? I think
he probably we really did, but I would it'd be
really bad to fart inside of a coffin. That would
be a real hot box situation. M hmm. And Nandor says, see,
I know you better than anyone and boops him on
the nose. I'm saying, just the affection that he is

(46:23):
showing him we have not seen before from Nandor. It
hasn't happened, So this feels like it's a real Ah,
it's a real moment. So then we get the final
scene of Naja and Laslow. I can't believe that I

(46:48):
kind of danced past what what Naja and Nandor we're
doing to try and like get him cheered up again,
because what is wrong with me? How did I miss that? Giamo?
The reason I think that I thought Giamo was right
about it being about him is because he's the only

(47:10):
one that Laslow calls by name. He like opens his
eyes in a wider and looks up and says Gizmo
and then immediately like goes away again. But it was
more than anybody else had gotten out of him, so
I sort of was like, oh, huh, maybe he's right
about that, but uh NAHJ just says that his like

(47:35):
sex drive is all fucked up and that we're down
to sixteen fucks a week, which I mean, I guess
that's that vampire pussy because I don't think I could
take that. I think that might be too much for me.
And damn girl. And then Nandor follows up with like

(47:59):
we're down to three, and she just like very compassionately
reaches out and like pats his hand. Really really good moment.
But then we get this moment where she comes in
dressed up like a construction worker doing a very porny
sort of like ugh, I'm trying to hammer these rivets

(48:22):
is what she says, and he pays absolutely no attention
at all, and then Nandork comes in and says, oh, look,
I found this box full of like old ships and porn,
and that was pretty much my favorite. I really really

(48:42):
loved that joke. But yeah, sorry, guys, I can't believe
that I left that out. So Naja is saying, I
can't keep track of whatever the fork is going on
around here, but I did find a new home for
those disgusting geear mo TODs. And this is when we
jump back to the Baron and he says that now

(49:08):
when he goes out, his vampires are or his neighbors
are afraid of him. So I guess I'm terrifying again.
It can be beautiful, this eternal existence. I have to mention,
considering that he said this, that Naja at one point,

(49:29):
when like Nandor is saying the Baron's going to kill
all of us, Naja says, would it be so terrible
if he did kill us, to which Nandor's like, whoa really,
and she just says, I'm just going through some stuff.
But anyway, I forgot about the baron flushing one down

(49:49):
the toilet. That thing was too big. So finally Naj
just sits in front of Laslow and the thing that
he has said repeatedly all up episode is yes, very good,
thank you, thank you, and she's trying to like get
through to him and saying, is it something I've done?

(50:10):
Is it this hex that I've been cursed with that
hangs all around me, made me in your eyes like
an ugo or something? And he says, oh, yes, that's
it and wakes from his stupor, and of course it
sounds like he's saying, yes, yes, you are an ugo.
He says, despite the frequent interruptions, I've sat here trying

(50:33):
to decide if I should organize my books alphabetically or
by author or by title. And when she's like, it's
been three weeks, he says, time well spent, I believe,
and it's author. Oh god. When he says like, you'll
be pleased to know, I think, or like good news

(50:55):
to it. Yeah, you'll be pleased to know author first thought,
best thought? Have I miss anything good? And she says no,
and then just laughs and points at him and says,
this guy, I really thought she'd be a lot more angry.
I really did, Like I respect that she's not, and
good for you, girl, And considering things like how long

(51:17):
they have all been alive, I suppose that probably two
three weeks, three weeks, I think it is total doesn't
even probably seem like that long. But I mean, my god,
you couldn't just like tune back in for a moment
to tell us that's what you're struggling to decide on, guy,

(51:38):
come on. But anyway, So then we go to credits
and I forget what the like brief after credits scene
is here, because there always always one in every episode.
Uh oh, is there not one? I'm watching it now
waiting for it to pop up, and usually it has
by now, and it's not happening. Maybe that's why it, remember,

(52:00):
because they didn't even do one this episode. Yeah, I
guess not. But anyway, so yeah, that I like I said,
I thought the premise of it was like kind of weak,
but the way that things worked out so now literally
everybody knows about this except for Nandor. I'm really curious

(52:23):
how he's gonna take it, because I have no doubt that,
however this information gets out, he will never think that
everyone knew before him, and I have no doubt that
that part will come out, And I don't know how
he will react to that. Will that be part of
what sort of calms him down? Will that be what

(52:46):
makes it worse and even more humiliating, like, you know,
I don't I don't know what he will think about
that part, and I can't help but wonder if like
the Baron isn't just gonna snap and tell on Kiermo
after all, because at this point, why wouldn't you just
got ahead? You know, he definitely has something to hold

(53:08):
over his head anyway, So I'm gonna wrap up, but
uh yeah, fun episode overall. Glad I didn't have any
more of the hybrid creatures to deal with because I
hate them so much. And I hope that you guys
are enjoying the coverage. Until next time, tital Loom motherfuckers.

(53:57):
That was an Unspoiled Network Podcast two
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