Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is an unspoiled network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering what we do in The Shadows Season five, episode six,
Urgent Care. In this episode, Colin Robinson is too interesting,
(00:25):
which means that he cannot feed and he is really
feeling a way about this. Meanwhile, Nagen now knows that
Guillermo has been turned and I am blown away. I
didn't expect everybody to find out before Nandor. Welcome to
(00:46):
spoil Me. Welcome to the show everyone. I am Natasha.
(01:07):
Thank you so much to Max for commissioning this episode.
You guys, this this was a great episode. I loved this.
I really like I feel like this may go in
some of my top like five episodes of the show.
(01:29):
There were so many elements here that were so excellent.
So we start off this episode with Laslow going to
get Guillermo and they're making sure that Nandor is out
of the way and that he is going to what
is it that last list is he's shaking hands with
(01:52):
Rosie Palmer and her five milk maids, which is his
way of saying that he's jerking off Palm. But Rosie
Palmer and her five milkmaids, I am putting that in
my back pocket. That's happened, Like I'm saying that at
some point it's too weird and creepy. I love it.
(02:16):
So it turns out that he's doing these experiments and
he has made these frogs that he injected with Guillermo's blood.
I don't even remember exactly how this works. He says,
I've discover discovered something wonderful with the frogs. Yeah, that
I injected with his blood. So first of all, they
(02:37):
all have Guiermo's hair, which is truly hysterical. But they
can also fly, and I love that he throws them
off the balcony and Guillermo has a moment of just like, no,
what are you doing because he just cares about these
little froggies, which is truly funny considering that he watches
people get murdered all the time. But uh, these frogs
(02:58):
can fly, which means that Guillermo can fly. That is
Laslow's theory here, and I have to agree that made
sense to me. So he breaks off the end of
like the balcony banister, and he just basically goes down
on the floor and coaxes Guillermo. I thought, for sure,
(03:20):
Leislo was going to push him, and I was sort
of like pleasantly surprised that he lets Gemo do this
at his own pace. So, yeah, Guillermo does this like
interesting little drop where he's still got a toe on
the balcony, but otherwise he has completely tipped forward, And
(03:44):
there was something about that that really resonated. I was like,
Oh my god, if I was testing out whether I
could fly, I think I would probably do that exact
same thing, Like that one little toe still being there
would give the illusion of like, oh, I can do it,
like I can get myself back onto that landing if
I need to, even though it absolutely does nothing of
(04:06):
the sort, but it would let me feel a little
bit more in control for a second. And then he
hears nandor yelling and he's like floating in mid air
on his stomach and it causes him to lose his concentration,
panic whatever it is, and he falls flat on his
face from like ten feet in the air and twists
(04:28):
his ankle pretty badly like we see it later on,
and that shit is turned all the way around, and
it takes quite a while before anybody pays him the
least bit of attention because Colin Robinson shows up and
is a little bit too interesting. So first thing is
(04:51):
he comes in and says, what's up, boners, and Colin
has a black eye, So immediately, despite the fact that
Giermau was laying on the floor with a completely like
twisted around ankle, immediately it's Colin who's like, everybody's going,
what happened to you? What's going on? Someone's had an
interesting evening, And he's asking what happened to his foot,
(05:16):
and they say, who gives a fuck? And they're like,
did you get kicked by a donkey? Did you get
in a fight? And this is when he says, this
is the problem. Every time I go to drain someone,
they see my black eye and want to know what happened.
All of a sudden, I'm too goddamn interesting to drain anyone.
(05:37):
And when Nander kind of calls him and is like, really,
you're so interesting, and he says, the exact same thing
happened when I came back from Vietnam. They're all impressed,
thinking that he went as a soldier, and it takes
a minute before he is able to straighten out that
that's not what it was Six years ago. I took
(05:59):
a cycling trip with back Roads. On the third day,
we found a dead body in a tree with an
ox's asshole around its neck like a necklace. And they're like,
how did that happen? Some poor farmer in his ox
must have stepped on a decommissioned land mine and he
blew them up into the tree and the ox's assho
(06:20):
almost have just landed on his head, and Leslow, I
wasn't expecting that. Ending it's the black eye that makes
my stories too interesting. Do you think your black eye
also has an interesting story? Unfortunately, Yes, it's fucking remarkable, Laslow.
But this is Colin Robinson. I mean he can't have
(06:41):
any more fascinating stories in him. And Colin says, gee,
you tell me a five pound frozen block of shit
and piss falls off a plane, landing on a three
to eight Ferrari and blowing the side view mirror right
into my kisser, to which Laslos says, well, fuck my
(07:06):
old boots, son of a bitch, Fuck my old boots.
We've got Rosy Palmer and her five milkmaids and fuck
my old boots. We're just it's all winners, it's all good.
These are great, fuck my old boots. What what even
(07:26):
is that it works? I don't know why, it just does.
So so yeah, going also into the arsenal, So yeah, everybody,
all of this is happening while Guillermo is literally on
the phone or on the phone on the floor, moaning
and crying, and this means that nobody wants to bring
Guillermo to the emergency room. Nandor says, I bought him
(07:52):
new trousers a year ago. It's your turn, and Naja
is like, fine, whatever, it doesn't matter to me. He
is his familiar end of story. I don't know how
it's it's your turn? Why is it anybody's turn? But
I guess he does stuff for all of them around
the house, So it's just, you know, I suppose so not.
(08:16):
I love the way that they have her just pick
him up, like it's really easy to do, and when
she's walking around with him, it just you can see
his foot like dangling. And she asks Lasla, what's it?
Why are all these harry frogs zooming around? And he says,
the only harry frog I'm interested in, mean, darling, is
the one between your legs. The way that he says it,
(08:42):
I and then she says, it's not just a frog,
it's the whole swamp. Oh that was just awful, truly, truly,
Oh my god. So anyway, this is uh how it
(09:06):
ends with him trying to find the frogs. But then
we jump over to this like weird apparatus that Laslow
has concocted that is meant to take energy out of
Nandor and pour it into Colin Robinson. Later on, this
(09:27):
actually does get used, but at the moment Nander's asking
if it's gonna hurt, and when Laslow says pain like
you've never known, He's like, hey, uh well no, then
what if we just, you know, try to do the
original thing and cover up your black eye with makeup
(09:51):
and make you boring again. So that's what they attempt
to do, and they go out and Colin keeps accidentally
being interesting. You guys, this is my favorite subplot, him
being too interesting. I love all of the things about this.
(10:12):
Him being really boring is a great joke, and the
ways that they're able to like get that joke across
in multiple ways is always interesting to watch because a
joke about how boring someone is you can that can
go badly really easily if you don't have enough imagination
(10:35):
about it. The specificity often is what makes it so funny.
Like one of my favorite characters for whom this was
like a recurring joke was Captain Hole of Brooklyn nine
nine Rip. But he was supposed to be somebody who
was so straight laced and like conservative in the way
(10:57):
he lives his life that you would get these amazing
little like lines. At one point, he gets food poisoning
and he's talking to Amy the next day and he says,
I'm feeling much better today. This morning I had dry
toast and she says, oh, that's a good idea of
something bland, and he says, that's my favorite breakfast. Or
at one point asking like somebody says, do you want
(11:18):
to go get lunch with me? And he says, oh, no,
thank you. I eat this like beige food bar that
contains all the vitamins and nutrients necessary to the human animal.
It's flavorless. I love them, and like that kind of
thing I feel like works really really well. The thing
is there is something about doing things in that kind
(11:42):
of boring way that is in itself unusual and interesting.
So Colin Robinson has to be a particular type of
boring that the jokes can get a little repetitive, because
it's not just he's boring, it's also a kind of
like basic Midwest quality to him that you know, it's
(12:04):
like a bit redundant after a while. And this is
such a great way of doing it, not just because
it's oh, we're gonna do the opposite. I always love
when we do that with characters. Don't get me wrong,
pretty much anytime that you do like, oh, they're going
to act very unlike themselves, or they're going to get
(12:27):
results that are the opposite of what they normally get,
or they're going to get bunked on the head and
act like a completely different part. I love that shit,
so always always down for it. But what I really
liked about this is how completely crucial to his life
it is that he'd be boring. This isn't just like
(12:50):
I am having an annoying day because everybody wants to
talk to me. It's like I'm literally starving to death,
and so my behavior is getting more and more erratic
because I am starting to lose like the strength to stand,
and that combined with obviously the writers having a super
fun time figuring out how they're going to make Colin interesting,
(13:14):
coming up with these wild stories which feel just weird
enough that I'm like, did they read about that somewhere?
Did they literally just make that up? Or because it's
so specific, I'm like, is that something that happened to somebody?
And eventually getting picked up by US's face TV star
whose name I never remember, I just think they must
(13:37):
have been having a really, really good time with this.
So we go over to Naja pushing this shopping cart
with Guillermo in it, and Guillermo is so certain that
they're going to figure out that he is a vampire
if he goes into an emergency room, that he has
(14:00):
to get out of this somehow, and so he keeps
like attempting to try and get out of the shopping cart,
and honestly, eventually it comes out that he's like healing
quite rapidly, and that was sort of what I was
waiting for. I was starting to be like, is it
gonna turn out that by the time he gets seen,
(14:20):
it's there's there's not a broken ankle anymore, because the
bit is he has a lot of vampire powers, but
they're setting in so slowly it's hard to tell. And
I was kind of thinking that part of the joke
might be how long the waiting room line is that
you know, he was waiting to get in for six
(14:43):
hours or something, and thus he was able to heal
before getting in because the line is so absurdly long
in whatever New York neighborhood they're in, Oh, that's right
there in sant Island. So it turns out it's not
any that because he is brought to a completely different
(15:04):
emergency room and it turns out that it's familiar urgent care,
which is even worse news for him because if it
were the case that he was in a regular hospital,
they would see some weird shit and be like, what's
up with this guy, but they wouldn't be able to
(15:25):
clock exactly what was happening. If he's going somewhere where
they're vampires and they know they're gonna be able to tell, Like,
there's just no doubt about that. And the way that
she has to go, like right through the wall. She
mesmerizes the entire waiting room by saying it's just like
a doberman with a floppy tail, which honestly, she says
(15:47):
that to keep them from being interested. But I feel
like the worst possible thing you can do when you're
trying to keep people from caring is bring a dog
into the equation, especially like an injured dog. Are you kidding?
Everybody's gonna pay attention. They're all gonna want to know.
Like to me, that just seemed like you're doing the
wrong thing there. However, she looks like she's going into
a wall, and of course, with his injured ankle already,
(16:09):
he's freaking out. But the wall, it turns out, is
an illusion. And they go right through to a doctor
who is advising this one particular vampire to put her
familiar down because even though she just got a cold,
what has she got how many years she have left?
(16:30):
Even you know, bare Leannie, she's almost like forty years
old something like that. And she talks about her familiar
to Naja in a later scene about how like it's
cute to think about her human going over the Rainbow
bridge and meeting all of her friends to have spaghetti.
(16:53):
I know that these sorts of jokes are kind of
played out, like the jokes about how if we like
recontect dualized human stuff, it can sound weird and silly,
but I do really, really enjoy anytime we get the
vampires who are so old they barely remember what it's
(17:15):
like to be a person anymore. So it's just like
the connection is not there. It is genuinely hilarious to me.
I really want to know, though. This vampire has a like,
you know, weird forehead in the sort of Buffy Verse
vampire style. And we've seen this before. There are vampires
in this universe who look like fucking vampires out of
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TV shows, and I want to know what the difference is.
This is a piece of lore that I'd be very
down for because, you know, the baron I was accepting
that he was he just looked like he did because
that's how old he was, And like, now that he's
been brought back to his former glory, he pretty much
(18:02):
just looks the same, except younger and hydrated. He's got
the same look, mostly extremely thin, gaunt, you know that
kind of like aristocratic carriage. But still fundamentally he looks
the same. Really, there was just a little crease between
(18:24):
his brows and like more more prominent brow bones. And
I want to know what happens to make vampires who
look like straight up demons in the face. Is this
also a product of age? If they look like that,
is that a signal that they are an even older
vampire than average? Does that just happen over time? How
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long does it take? Does it happen like because you
were closer to death than somebody else? Is it somehow
a choice that you can let yourself look this way
and choose it? Like, I just really am curious about
it because it's something I've noticed a few times, is
how different some of them can look. So this is
(19:10):
when we jump over to Colin Robinson who is walking
into the street and he is having such a hard
time because his energy is so low that he approaches
this couple trying to bore them with some talk about
the origins of the doggie bag. And he's talking about this,
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and first of all, he's approaching them in a weird
way that isn't boring just on the street yelling at them.
So the boring part already, I'm sort of like, I
feel like this isn't the approaching wan bro, because they
are going to be fascinated at the weirdness of some
(19:53):
random man trying to trivia them on the sidewalk, Like
even if it's a boring fact, it's the circumstances that
make it sort of like, wait, what's happening? But then
he gets his foot run over, which draws the attention
of everybody, and a bunch of people begin to film him,
and he winds up on TikTok as the music jump
(20:15):
around plays because he's hopping on one foot and everybody
is just filming him, but nobody's offering to help or
do anything, And eventually a woman is like, are you okay,
but she doesn't really help. The dude who ran over
him has pumped the brakes and has gone in reverse,
(20:38):
and it turns out that it's this actor John Slattery.
Thank you to the subtitles, So of course, also super interesting.
Everybody's like it's like a movie star, although I don't
know what movie season he's been in. Some I think
he plays oh, actually he plays uh fucking Iron Man's
(21:02):
dad in like flashbacks and video that he does, I think,
But that's the only thing I really remember. But yeah,
this dude being the one who did it, and he's
coming back and apologizing and offering to like drive him
to the emergency room. You don't get better footage than
(21:26):
this when you're just sitting on a regular fucking like
having tacos at a picnic table out in the street.
And thus Colin is like, I need to get away
from this guy. He's too interesting. This is gonna fuck
me up. But Nakiermo Nandor says, he owes you a
debt and you're gonna be alone in the car with him.
(21:49):
Go in there and drain him, figure it out. So
he gets in the car. I love when he says
he like because somebody says John's one of the greats,
and Colin says, he's not one of the greats. He's
a reckless driver. Somebody yells back at him, you're a
reckless walker, which I thought was very funny, honestly, So,
(22:14):
oh my god, you guys. When I said that the
Doberman thing didn't work, I didn't even clock the fact
that they were in a veterinary office. How did I
miss this? I think I was so still stuck on
John Slattery that I didn't notice there's a sign outside
that says and there are literally people in the waiting
room with dogs in their laps. Holy shit, I cannot
(22:35):
believe that I miss this. I am really very very
embarrassed at this moment. So, yeah, John Slattery, as it
turns out, not a great not a great person to
try and feed off evidently. So the first thing that
(22:56):
Colin tries is kind of like poking at him about
the fact that he's older. Do you find it difficult
being an older actor having to memorize lines, especially when
you've been drinking? Slattery, that's an Irish name, right, And
he says say that last part again, and Colin is excited.
(23:21):
He thinks, I can't believe you just said that. Are
you gonna Are you gonna say that to me again?
He's like, Oh, I'm getting under this sky's skin perfect
now I'm about to feed And he says, do you
want me to resay I is slatterly an Irish name?
I mean, I personally don't mind the Irish, but I
(23:41):
just don't like it when they try to sound intelligent,
and Slattery says wow, And there's a moment where you
can't tell I think it seems like he's pissed, and
then he says, I could listen to you talk for hours,
not what you're saying, but to that accent, it's just
(24:04):
so specific. Where are you from upper midwest Wisconsin, but
not eastern Wisconsin that would have more of a Germanic influence.
Am I right? And I love this so much, you guys.
I am certain. I'm not the only one who has
(24:25):
been around actors. And it was not as much of
a thing when I was in school high school, even
though I went to like a performing arts well it
was a boarding arts school. But when I got to
Carnegie Mellon, it was fascinating to me to listen into
the homework that the actors were given because they had
(24:48):
to study accents and there's a very particular kind of
like alphabet with the phonetics that they use to write
out certain accents so that you can learn them by
reading them phonetically first. And it's not just about your
ear for it. It's mesmerizing the particular alphabet that's used
(25:14):
to spell these out when this certain language is the
accent you're doing, which I found riveting. I just thought
that was so interesting. But then this kind of thing
where they stop people and ask them to repeat things
and imitate them and try to get the sound down,
And I fucking find myself doing this too. It's so
fun and difficult and weird. It's like the kind of
(25:36):
thing that and you'll have these weird like preconceptions as
well about what somebody's gonna sound like. So then when
they come out and they have a certain sound to
their voice, if it's not what you expected, it's extra
like wow. Really today I was talking to Owe about
this goofy example, but I was looking for a new
toaster oven and are there was like a video for one,
(26:01):
and you know, usually in a video for like an appliance,
it'll be like revels six and one toaster oven can
toast and broil and air fry all in one device,
And it's like this very sort of generic sounding woman,
often a woman when it's for like a domestic thing,
and it's often like as average American an accent as
(26:24):
you can do. And so this woman steps onto the
screen and I'm expecting this voice to come out of
her mouth, and she goes the brevel all lay one
cooka and she's got this like really broad Australian accent.
And I had a moment of just like having to
stop myself from laughing because it wasn't that the accent
itself is funny. I have like a million Australian friends.
(26:48):
It was how completely unexpected it was. I really thought
that I knew exactly what I was gonna get in
this ad, and then it wasn't. And so anyway, this
bit with him becoming obsessed with Colin's accent, Oh my god, y'all,
it's so boring on our end to listen to. And
(27:10):
he keeps like talking about if he brings up the
movie Spotlight about the Boston Globe reporters who uncover the
sexual abuse cover up and the Catholic church, Yeah, exactly, no,
never seen it, and yeah, he describes this character and
who he was and what kind of Boston like he was,
(27:33):
from the upper crust, and so he wouldn't have this
type of accent, he'd have another one. And essentially the
two of them are like being drained by John Slatterly.
That's pretty much what's happening. And as for Nandor, he
tries to chime into this conversation at one point and
(27:55):
Slatterly says, yeah, thanks, but I was talking to him.
So he is so interested in Colin Robinson. Nandor has
a bizarre accent that's like not even like I don't
even know if it's a real like what's going on there?
(28:16):
And slatterly completely does not notice it, doesn't care about it.
It's this goofy Midwest one that he's like zeroed in on.
What what a stupid joke? But yeah, oh my god,
here it is. It's kind of nice to think of
Kathy on that rainbow ridge doing stuff with her familiar,
(28:37):
familiar friends, having spaghetti or whatever it is they're dreaming
of doing Naja looking at the camera. She's in a
better place, and then I wish I was. So this
is when the doctor comes out and tells her Guillermo's
ankle is healing up nicely, which is very unusual. So
just to be safe, I say we put him down.
(29:00):
He could break that ankle again, but he could break
the other ankle, or he could just bitch a lot.
And honestly not just says, I think we're just gonna
take him home. But I could not help but be
surprised because or he could just bitch a lot. I
felt like would really resonate with her as yeah, And
(29:21):
then he says one more thing. The results of that
blood work came back and they're very very odd. I'm
just gonna have it retested I promise it won't take
long and that we will get you out of here
before sunrise. So Naja at this point thinks that those
results are coming out weird because of his relationship to
(29:42):
Van Helsing, which makes sense, and he like the concern
there is that you know, they're using him as sort
of a bodyguard. At this point, he tries to say,
it's like still officially on the books that way, even
(30:03):
though it's kind of not in practice what's happening anymore.
But I appreciated her being concerned enough to be like,
all right, you know what, we got to get them
manic here before they are able to do that testing
over again. So she decides to go back there and
take matters into her own hands. Oh MyD I forgot
about Colin. Are you taking us to Brooklyn? And then
(30:25):
he's imitating that. I love that they're just going like
this long way around. Oh my god, can you let
us out right here please? You also have an interesting
pauses in your speech. I can't tell if they're regional
or uniquely you or oh my god, this guy. And
(30:46):
this is when Colin's like, all right, fuck this, and
they just open the doors and roll out of the car,
and thankfully we've got the camera guys behind them filming,
and they're the ones that like pick them up and
bring them home. But by the time they get home,
Colin's like almost dead, and Laslow winds up having to
(31:08):
do the thing where he hooks them up and drains
life out of Nandor, which very nearly kills Nandor. But
we will get there. So let's jump into the room
where Giermo's being held. There's so much blood on the
walls and stuff, and I love Guillemo's saying, they gave
me some relax and it's making me feel very medicine
(31:32):
and Naj just says, all right, well, they're testing your
blood and they're going to find out about your van
helsing blood or whatever, so we got to get you
out of here. And Guillermo tries to tell her that
he loves her and she just slaps him across the face,
to which he says, you're a crazy bitch, but I
still love you. And Collins, I love him, but he's
(31:57):
like a little boring Mitch. He's like LBB. But then
you know, I love Nandor because he's like queen bitch.
And then he sees the doctor and he says, who's
that bitch? Ah nat? She tells the doctor the Kiermo
is back to a red, shiny, fresh apple. I feel
(32:19):
like I know why she thinks that's a good thing,
but it does not sound good. It feels like he's
very swollen and red. So this is when the doctor says,
he's not going home. Who turned him? According to our tests,
it's the early stages, but he is well on his way.
(32:43):
And he says, if you're regretting turning him, because if you,
if you are, you should have thought of that before
you did it. Oh my god. So she takes a
while to convince to and he says science does not lie.
It must be recent because he's still transforming. And she's
(33:06):
just like, this doesn't make any sense because nobody in
this in our house would do it. And this dude says, well,
then I'm gonna put him down. I am willing to
accept that he was just going to do this because
he does this to all human beings for reasons. But
(33:32):
I thought that, like sometimes people do turn their familiars,
is the point is this proof that there is never
an intention to turn familiars? Because it feels like if
that if this reaction to a familiar getting turned is
(33:55):
the usual reaction of who the fuck did this, that
it seems like it's just it never is done. We
just don't do this, and it was an accepted thing.
I thought we were all on the same page. You
don't turn your familiars, oh my god, you know. And
I have to assume based on the like how poorly
(34:17):
they're treated most of the time. I just you, guys,
I was most of the time with Guillermo not getting
turned and nand Or making promises and not following through
most of the time. What I took that to be
just as much as that Guillemo is sort of like
(34:37):
lame and sad and they don't really want him around
like that, A big part of me felt like there
was some just misunderstandings of time issues with Nandor. And
what I mean by that is time passes so quickly
for him because he's so old that he doesn't understand
(34:59):
how long Guillermo has really been waiting. He can hear
Giamo say it's been twelve years, it's been thirteen years, whatever,
and to him it's just not registering. That's like no
time at all. And he's not thinking of it in
the perspective of what it's like to a human being
who only lives eighty five ninety five years. But now
(35:22):
I'm like, was I just as easy to fool as
gullible as Guillermo? Did I give Nandor the benefit of
the doubt thinking he actually meant it and he meant
nothing of the sort. I mean, I'm really bummed if
that's the case. Like I have been believing that he
ultimately did intend to turn him. It has just been
(35:45):
sort of like, I'll get to it eventually, but I'm
enjoying having a fucking servant too much. And now I'm like,
oh my god, is it just like understood of course
you never turn you're familiar. Oh my god, you know,
I don't know. But anyway, I just feel like I
really was not. Either it's just the energy of this
(36:08):
particular doctor, or you know, this is the thing, Oh
my god. I love when they go into a couple
of different rooms and you see vampires, like with one
of those loops that they use for catching animals and
like a spray bottle, and then in another one, he's
like got a cone around his head and he's on
(36:30):
a table on his hands and knees. I don't know
if he's being neutered or what's happening, but it's so upsetting,
you guys, I really really hated it. But eventually she
runs into Evil Mabel, who's like, oh, uh yeah, I
volunteer here. It's a way of giving back. I mean,
who rescued who? Right? Oh my god, stop it. And
(36:52):
she's doing the thing that all vampires do where they
just throw a piece of raw chicken into the cages.
I don't know where this they love row chicken thing
has come from, but it needs to stop. And the
raw chicken that they're throwing around, I know has to
be made out of candy. You know, it's probably made
out of some sort of like melted Swedish fish, but
(37:14):
it looks too real and it grosses me out so bad.
Oh my god. So then we go to Dandor and
Colin just trying to use the toilet in one of
the uh the what he's gonna do? Nandor is telling
Colin ask for a sanitary wipe, then ask when they
last clean the toilet, and then tell them you're going
(37:37):
to take a nice big shit. All of the things
like ordinarily would work right, but unfortunately, once again, things
are too interesting. They have come in the middle of
an armed robbery, and this dude is so distracted because
he sees Colin and recognizes him from TikTok and he
(38:02):
pulls out his phone and it's the jump around music
as he's hopping on one foot and he's in the
middle of showing him this video when the clerk comes
around the counter with a baseball bat and bashes the
sky in the head, making him a hero, and that
(38:24):
is when Colin collapses. You guys, I swear to god,
this was such a stupid turn of events. I loved
this so much. It's just the series of ways that
they figured out how to make these ordinary situations interesting.
It's so much fun. I really want Colin to be
(38:47):
like remembered and recognized, you know, I don't. I feel
like having it be difficult for him to be to
feed again would be a really interesting wrinkle to add
to the situation because it's been pretty easy for him.
And if they turned him into a sort of local
(39:07):
hero where everybody always wanted to, like, you know, find
out about the story from him, go up to him
and talk to him about it, and he had to
do something kind of dramatic in order, almost like the
way he did in the last in the campaign episode,
where you know, he's trying to hype everybody up because
he's attempting to win for just a minute, and then
(39:29):
he's like, you know what, I don't want to win,
and he just shatters that goodwill by flashing everybody. I
feel like we could draw it out a little bit
more than that, though, and make it like an ongoing
sort of interesting thing. But anyway, so back to Nauja,
who comes into the room that Guillermo is like strapped
to a table and there are these vampires with the
(39:52):
weird sort of cages around their heads, and she doesn't
let Giermo loose. She in me is like, they told
me that you are a fucking vampire. He tries to
deny it, and then finally when she punches him in
the face, explains what really happened. And she says, you
(40:13):
could have been turned by a legendary vampire and you
gave it away to Derek and I'm like, look, you
could have been turned by a legendary vampire. Could he though, like,
you know, I don't know. Mmm. She seems sincere when
she says it, so I feel like I think part
(40:37):
of my thing too, is like, oh, being turned by
anybody other than your master. I guess I've been just
trusting that that means, well, of course they have this
because you are going to get turned eventually, So we
just see it as really rude if it if it's
(40:58):
vampires like just don't turn their familiars. Maybe this is
just a way to keep familiars from doing that, doing
exactly what Guillermo did. But I don't know. She she
does seem pissed and mystified enough that I can't help
but think she really believes that he was eventually going
(41:19):
to be turned, even if she does not think that
it's a particularly good idea. And I really did think
at the end of like the previous season, not previous
the end of season three, when he has made a
deal to go with Nandor and get turned, I really
(41:40):
believed Nandor mente at that point. So I don't know.
So anyway, this dude says, if we release an abomination
like that onto the street, I'm gonna lose my medical license.
And see, this is what I'm saying, an abomination, This
(42:00):
is just supposed to be that this doctor himself is
crazy or what, because like, what's an abomination? All he
has said is he's in the process of turning into
a vampire. It's he hasn't said anything about like the
results aren't working or there's something else going on with
this blood. So it was just sort of confusing to
(42:23):
me exactly what his hang up was here. But uh, Anyway,
eventually he's got this like syringe that's apparently full of
poison that he was going to inject Gamma with to
kill him, and Naja gets in a fight with him.
Gammo is still strapped down, but he manages to free
(42:45):
one hand and uses Telekinese as to just pull a
bunch of stuff out of the cupboard and knock this
guy down. But it is not quite enough, and eventually
Naja is up against the wall and he has the
tip of this needle in her cheek, which was truly
awful to watch. I'm just gonna say that, even though
I know that this is fake, it looked horrible. And
(43:07):
finally he gets up and grabs the fucking syringe and
injects it into the doctor's leg and saves Nadja, but
she's got a huge puffy cheek because of that poison,
and I was just very glad that that was the
only effect, because, yikes, you guys, it's interesting that the
(43:32):
kind of poison that would work on a person would
also work on that doctor. You really wouldn't think that
would be the case, you know, you really would think that, like,
whatever it is that they use to put a human down,
it's probably not gonna affect a vampire. But there it is.
So anyway, okay, jumping ahead to when Nandor gets drained
(43:56):
to feed Colin Robinson. I love Colin Robinson saying it
kind of hurt at first, but now I sort of
like it. What's the purpose of the machine? And Las
is explaining, and he says that I originally built it
to combat situational impotent impotence, or whiskey dick, as you
(44:19):
might call it. Colin says, that makes sense, because I'm
getting a little tickle in my pickle. Oh my god, no,
thank you, that's an accident. I removed that. That must
be the vibrations, or it could be the smell. I
really like the smell of burning hair. And this is
(44:43):
when Laslow turns to see that Nandor is dead, and
he's dead in an extremely amusing way. You guys, He's
got one hand sort of up and curled and his
mouth open with his teeth, so he looks very much
like a dead gerbil, you know, like guinea pig. Like
there's a rodent esque quality to it that, while so
(45:08):
pitiful in an actual dead rodent in a person, is hilarious.
Is so funny. It's so much more fun than him
just going limp like a regular dead body. Curling up
like that cracked me up. When the camera turns to him,
I was dying. I was not expecting him to look
like that. So last though is like, all right, well
(45:33):
I turned the machine off, but I'm thinking maybe this
is it's a little bit too late. And Colin's like, well,
can you reverse the process, And when he's like, well,
I don't know, He's like, all right, you know what
if I can drain people, I can re energize them.
So and he comes over to Nandor and decides to
(45:54):
tell him some interesting stuff to bring him back. He says,
I'm gonna tell you my name. I'm gonna tell you
my real name. It's Arthur Simon Santino but I had
to change it because people would laugh when they realized
(46:17):
that the initial spelled out ass, which brings Nandor back
to life. And he just says ass. Do you know
who it was that pointed it out to me? My
ex boyfriend Davy Crockett at the Alamo. If you don't
(46:41):
believe me, maybe this knife that Jim Bowie gave me
will convince you. And he pulls out a knife that
says DC plus ass forever. I love that he's just
got this in his pocket. I love it. And like
(47:03):
I said, Nandor's this seems to have been sufficient to
wake him up. So Naja had been screaming for Laslow,
and it turns out what she wants is to just
yell at him about the fact that he knew what
was up with Kiermo and hadn't told her. And he's saying,
(47:26):
I'm trying to find a cure for whatever's going on,
and if we're able to do that, then maybe Nandor
can turn Gizmo. Naja is so pissed. She is not
taking this away that Laslow is he's you know, he
definitely was, Oh my god, he would He'll kill you.
We've got to deal with this. She's much more like,
(47:48):
he'll kill you, and you fucking deserve it because you
fucked up. I can't believe you did something so stupid
and so thoughtless. That's what you get. Fuck you, and
also says that he'll kill her and Laslo as well
because they knew, but then and then kill himself. He
certainly won't, however, he might kill two of them. I
(48:10):
could see being mad enough that he would like, if
you're gonna put it out there, that he would kill
either and any of them, including Guermo. I don't know.
I don't know if I believe this dude has it
in him at this point to be honest. But maybe.
And she tells Guillermo that she isn't going to lie
(48:31):
for him and is just generally really giving the impression
that she's gonna throw him under the bus immediately. But
then Nandor comes in and he finds that I love Giermo.
They tried to put me down? What why? Uh? Guierremo
(48:56):
is fine, just your average weak boned, broken foot familiar.
That's that's that. She just decides to keep the secret anyway,
and I enjoy the dynamic coming up of her hating
(49:19):
Giermo even more than usual because she knows this and
is pissed, while Laslow just continues to do these weird
experiments and see this as all sort of like an
interesting circumstance that doesn't really have Like Laslo is just
not worried about it, that's the main thing. Naja is
(49:39):
fully thinking he will find out and it's not gonna
be a like solved problem by then we're screwed, and
Laslow seems to be much more like, oh, he won't
find out before I find out how to undo this,
like don't worry about it, like he genuinely seems to
have a lot of faith I will get a solution eventually.
We have managed to make some real strides in other areas,
(50:01):
like he didn't make that uh that test for him
to fly, He used his sweat to go out into
the sun, like the shits he's doing that is really significant. Actually,
I am really curious if he will now use that
sweat on Naja, if she would even be willing to
do it to go out into the light. But anyway,
(50:24):
so yeah, that's gonna be a fun dynamic coming up
that I'm really looking forward to. But so this is
when Nandor says, wait, don't move and walks up to
Garmu really really slowly, and it looks like he's like
gonna touch him, grab his throat something, and then he
(50:44):
grabs out of the air beside him one of those
flying frogs with the Giermo hair on him. And I
love this because nobody wants to cop to what the
hell it is. And he even points out like this
even looks like you, Guillermo. Do you think I'm an idiot?
(51:09):
Because this is precisely what happens when a little birdie
sneaks into this house fucks a mouse. They have a
child that grows up and then fucks a frog that
looks like you. This is a direct result of your slacking.
(51:29):
I have no idea what the fuck he means. I
am assuming he's talking very literally about how Guillermo is
not doing his like housework and so the there's just
been pests in the house that have like made it
and done a thing. I got so confused, you guys.
(51:52):
At first I thought he was gonna say that, like,
Guillermo fucked a frog, and that's why, like I if
this was bonkers. This was so weird and Colin himself.
He sneaks up and looks at Guerremo and says he
(52:12):
may be an idiot, and he says he may have
the IQ of a Russian toilet. I don't get this joke.
I'm gonna be honest. Is it just supposed to be that? Like, oh,
Russian's just shit into holes in the ground. Is that
supposed to be it? Because like, our toilets are not smart.
If I was gonna call a toilet smart, I would
(52:33):
say it was a Japanese toilet because they seem to
really enjoy having like gadgets and they have a lot
of bidet attachments and whatnot. It's very standard. What is
the Russian toilet thing? Though? I don't know this, this stereotype,
what is happening here? But Colin looks at Giermo and says,
(52:56):
you definitely are up to something, And for a second,
Guermo looks like he's gonna tell him. Giermo's like, if
I tell you something, I was ready to strangle him. No,
do not tell Colin. Colin is not a guy that
keeps a secret. I am so sorry. But the whole
(53:18):
thing with him is agitating people so that he can
feed off them. What's gonna agitate him more than either
telling outright or taunting Guillermo constantly that he knows and
threatening to tell in order to feed off Guillermo that way,
Absolutely do not tell him. Ever, Thankfully, Colin interrupts and
(53:41):
tells him I don't give too. I couldn't give two
squirts and walks away. But I could not believe that
Giermo even considered telling him, are you fucking high? Absolutely not, yeah, no, no, no, no,
So I just really you, guys. I now don't know
(54:10):
how long we go before Nandor finds out, and I
genuinely do not know what his reaction will be. Of course,
I do not think he will kill Guillermo. However, if
the writers did have him kill Guillermo, that would be
a wild choice. I'll say that I don't particularly want that.
(54:32):
Just because it's surprising does not mean it's good. But
who knows. However, the way he finds out is gonna
be the thing that sort of makes or breaks that episode.
I want him to find out because of something that
is sort of like intimate, not for example, Guillermo doing
(54:55):
something accidentally that's really vampirey and all of a sudden
Nandor's like, wait, how did you do that? Don't want that?
That's so easy and it's too Honestly, there are so
many things that Germo could already do that were more
than human because of his vampire killer blood. I don't
(55:16):
even know what that would look like. And how slowly
he's transforming has led me to believe he's never really
going to fully be a vampire. Really, I'm just going
to I have to assume something's something's in the way.
But I do kind of like I don't know what
(55:40):
I would prefer, and almost would like for Nandor to
feel bad about it, Like if he finds out, it
will be in the context of, well, he just really
thought you were never going to turn him he stopped
believing you, and him feeling guilty and being like, oh
my god, I you know what I mean. I would
(56:01):
sort of like it to come from that direction, because
Nandor never really feels sorry for almost anything he does.
The one thing that we ever saw him genuinely seem
regretful of was turning his wife Marwa into Tony I
think was his name, And I think that that was
(56:24):
the only time he ever even kind of acknowledged he says.
The line he says after that is like, I think
maybe what I did was wrong. Probably not, but maybe.
So that's like the best we've ever got from Nandor
in terms of actually seeming sorry. And I wouldn't be
(56:46):
mad if the context for him finding out that Guillermo
is has been turned by somebody else was you were
so shitty to him that he just lost faith you
and him realizing like how poorly that has gone. I
don't know. Oh my god, I forgot about Laslow seeing
(57:12):
the frog in that box that's saying Giermo's name, it's croaking, guieremo.
Excuse me? How? What what do we have in the
store with these frogs? Because I just feel like something's
coming and I have no idea what to expect, but
(57:32):
I think frogs just gonna appear occasionally doing weird shit.
I am very down for that, just saying all right,
I'm gonna wrap this up, but thank you guys for
coming to hang out with me. This was such a
fun episode. I really enjoyed myself. And until next time
to lou motherfuckers. That was an unspoiled network podcast.