February 8, 2024 • 57 mins
Thank you so much to Max for commissioning this episode!
This episode is the one where Laszlo puts Guillermo through a bunch of tests to see if there's any progress on him becoming a vampire, and it turns out that Guillermo can now levitate stuff? And also his sweat can allow vampires out into the sun? Wild. Meanwhile, Sean is running for comptroller and has decided to court the gay vote.
Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!
This episode is the one where Laszlo puts Guillermo through a bunch of tests to see if there's any progress on him becoming a vampire, and it turns out that Guillermo can now levitate stuff? And also his sweat can allow vampires out into the sun? Wild. Meanwhile, Sean is running for comptroller and has decided to court the gay vote.
Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
This is an unspoiled network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering what we do in The Shadows Season five, Episode three,
Pride Parade. In this episode, Sean has decided to run
(00:22):
for a city comptroller, and he decides that the best
way to get the queer vote is to throw an impromptu,
very small, extremely focused on sean pride parade. I admire
the hustle. Welcome to spoil Me of Welcome to the
(01:05):
show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you very much to
Max for commissioning this episode. Y'all, this episode is a really,
really weird one. I think if you were gonna have
like a weird off, it would be in the top
five at least. There are so many bizarre things going on.
(01:31):
First of all, there's the fact that we have a
vampire walking around in the sun because he used the
sweat of somebody else. We have a vampire and a
dull spirit switching bodies. We have colin his face coming
(01:52):
out the back of the head of the same body.
We have uh, just the mirror ongoing fact that Guillermo
is slowly transforming into a vampire. Like all of these
things together create one of the more bizarre episodes of
this show. So all right, let's just get things started,
(02:16):
shall we. H. I really do like how every time
I think I know where this is going, we juke
to the left and do something weird. So the episode
opens with Nandor saying, our neighbor Sean has begun a
bid to ruthlessly unseat Staten Island's rulers so that the
(02:37):
crown of absolute power may rest solely upon his head.
And this is when we find out it's comptroller that
he's running for. His wife is helping him. Delighted to
see her again. She is just really, really fun. Her
fucking hair is huge. I aspire to hair like that.
(02:58):
I swear to God, it can't all be hers. I
can't believe that. And he's he's decided that, like his
slogan is going to be bring the Rangers back to
Staten Island. Full disclosure, kiddos, I'm assuming that's a sports team,
no idea at all. Or is that hockey? Is that
(03:23):
that's not football? Rangers? Rangers are hockey. I don't even
know now that I'm saying it. It's not baseball? Is
it baseball? I don't feel like it is. Well anyway,
So that's that's the uh you know slogan that he's
(03:44):
running with. And while I can understand his desires there,
I can also see why he's not really resonating with
the queer vote so much. Not to say that queer
people can't care about sports, but let's be real, here
is a smaller part of that demographic than the Straits
for sure. And this, like, the way that this goes
(04:11):
is so funny because he is saying, I think I'm
going to win, and I need your help because this
is the demographic I'm sliding on. And what I decided
to do was throw a parade, a Pride parade, And
instead of like presenting or getting to present the rest
(04:33):
of his idea, Laslow interrupts him. And the way he
does it is so funny because Laslow has this way
of phrasing things where he to tell like it seems
to really be shit talking you in the first half,
and then he turns around and is super encouraging in
the second half. So they're showing the poster for the
(04:59):
Pride parade, and uh, I didn't realize that his last
name is Ronaldi. I'm just like really clocking that right now.
And that was one of my favorite teacher's last names.
But yeah, they each have like queer family members that
are going to be coming down to help. He says
something about like his bisexual cousin and he asks, he says, Leaslo,
(05:20):
you probably remember him, and I feel like that's a
reference to something that we actually got to see on
the show, but I don't remember what it is, if
anybody wants to refresh me. But yeah, last though, like
he interrupts all of this with like, Okay, I'm going
to need you to shut the fuck up, and I'm like, ouch,
(05:46):
is he just like angry about this, sent this this
idea or what? And then I know why you're here.
You want us to grand marshall your gabe parade. And
again the tone of it, I'm just like that sounds
like a bad Like that sounds like a no. Immediately
(06:09):
following that's a thumbs up. You want to start your
gay parade on our front lawn, that's two thumbs up.
I have I realize a terrible time really like reading
Laslow there, he can have almost the exact same expression
on his face when he's delighted versus when he is irritated,
(06:34):
and it's purely by the dialogue that I am able
to tell how he's feeling it all. It's just kind
of wild, you know. Anyway, So he also says, like,
any floats that you were planning on, although, of course
(06:55):
the only thing that Nandor can think of is chariots.
So he keeps trying to like push this agenda of like, yeah,
well you're clearly going to slaughter your enemies, and they
keep having to be like, well, that would be super cool, yes,
but no, we can't do that. So it's going to
be voting, and he keeps seeming very disappointed by that,
(07:17):
but he tells them Laslow that they are also going
to make the floats. And I really do enjoy y'all
the way that this goes eventually, because I kind of
thought that this was going to be an unmitigated disaster,
and I was sort of bummed, like preemptively because I
(07:42):
know that, like, Okay, it's the whole point of this
show a lot of the time is how incompetent these
vampires are and that we are just enjoying watching them
screw up. But I also really didn't want to see
(08:07):
something that is for queer people get completely like fucked up.
You know I didn't want to see them be let down,
and we really don't. There is some true weirdness that
winds up happening later, and that's real, but it isn't
(08:28):
as bad as I was sort of expecting it to be,
and I am really grateful for that. So just to
head that off and mention that off the top, because
like I said, I had a sense of dread going
on and it turns out to have been mostly unwarranted.
So the two of them, the Renaldi's as I'm now
(08:52):
going to call them all the time, agree to this
and are really like grateful for it and taken by surprise,
thought for sure that it was just going to be
what we just wanted you guys to like help us
with posters and messaging and stuff. Well, y'all, so what
(09:14):
we get like after the the intro is we're hanging
out with Naja and Evil Mabel and the Naja Doll again,
and the conversation is really more like a therapy session.
(09:36):
Evil Mabel is saying, like, what is really actually at
the root of your frustration lately, Nauja Doll, and the
doll says, I died a virgin. Essentially, I died before
I was able to use my body and not just
(10:01):
sort of confused by this, and she's like, I definitely
wasn't a virgin when I was turned vampire. And she's like,
but I was, I'm the spirit of you, or she
says something like I'm not a virgin now and she says,
but I was this, I'm the spirit of you when
you were turned and then you were and uh, she
(10:28):
like the idea of this is. When she's first presenting it,
I'm like, so, what is this episode going to be?
Like We're gonna find a male doll that can have
sex with you? Like that doesn't feel like it's gonna
who how what? How would that even go? But no, kids,
(10:50):
that's not what we're doing. So eventually she comes to
the point like I wish that I could just like
borrow your body for a day. Nadja is like, oh, well,
of course, if that were possible, I would do that
in a second, but since it's not too bad, at
(11:11):
which point Evil Mabel chimes in, actually, it is possible,
actually not even that hard. It's pretty pretty easy to do.
And I really enjoy anytime somebody like acts as if
it would be no big deal and they'd certainly do
a thing, but when they find out it's real, you
suddenly see how full of shit they were. And I
(11:34):
like it in some ways because this is exactly also
how I am. I'll be like, oh, if only such
and such, when really, in my heart, I am doing
a little dance because I didn't wind up having to
do the thing. So yeah, relatable. So they do the split,
(11:56):
and I was very curious about how this was gonna
work because, as is said later by Nandor, and I
really actually loved that this was addressed in the script,
the two of them were basically the same person. So
how does it even work that they like switch bodies
(12:21):
and there's any difference at all? That was my main question,
you know. And it turns out like their personalities aren't
exactly different in terms of their overall desires and the
ways that they approach problems. But what's really different is
that the doll has not joined the modern world in
(12:44):
any sense. So her solution to wanting to get railed,
as Naja had put in, is to go to a
speed dating session and try and like hook up with
somebody there. Now, well, my friends, I am so curious
if anybody out there has done a speed dating session,
(13:08):
because I, you know, that never really I've only barely
done like online dating at all in the very early days.
And it really wasn't even online dating. It was just
like who looked hot on MySpace? And then we like
got together and fucked around and then maybe I saw
(13:28):
them again, maybe not. So I don't know anything about
these sort of speed dating services. I don't know if
that's really even the word I want. Is this like
a common thing? Has anybody done it? Because it seems
(13:49):
like simultaneously absolutely excruciating but also low key kind of fun.
I'm always curious about it, and you see it really
a lot in stuff like sitcoms, you know, but I
feel like, what a great time. It sounds like you
just basically get to see the highlights of a real date,
(14:15):
so you don't have to do all of the bullshit
like sales pitch exactly, but you're still doing a sales pitch,
but it's not wrapped up in all the fucking goofy
nonsense that comes with a whole date. And I just
feel like that seems ideal, you know. I don't know,
(14:38):
so anyway, I just wanted to ask about it because
It's just not something that I'm familiar with, and it's
presented all the time on television as if it's super
common that these are going on all over the place,
and I really don't know how true that is. I
have to assume like when it's you know, most of
the time when you see this stuff, it's in the
(14:59):
context of people who like live in a city, because
I would think it's probably easier to fill speed dating
what it would dance cards basically is the word I
want when you're pulling from a huge pool of people
than it would be say, like in my town, you
know what I mean. But maybe it's not. Maybe this
(15:21):
is something that goes on in small towns as well.
I've never like searched for it or anything, you know what.
You know what, guys, look, I'm gonna be able to
talk about this episode quite easily within an hour. So
let me just speed dating near me just to see.
I hope Owen doesn't see my search history and start
to worry. Ooh, there is a bunch of stuff on
(15:43):
event bright and it's the first one to pop up
is lesbian speed dating in Dallas. That's fun. My cheeky
gay date dot Com Okay, I'm sorry, that's fantastic. They
have like different age ranges that's interesting, ages twenty nine
(16:06):
through forty two. Okay, that feels reasonable. And then and
a lot of these are like being done by different
So there's network bar nest Craft, and then a whole
different section my cheeky date. I feel like that implies something.
(16:27):
There's something about it being called cheeky that's like, is
this sex? Is this just pure like hookup culture? Then
there's one that's just called do you relish? Uh, I'm sorry,
what does that mean? Do you relish? That also sounds
extremely sexual. I'm clicking on it. Uh. It's all about
(16:48):
what you relish. Relish is capitalized though, and finding someone
to relish those things with. I don't like this. If
you're tired of online dating, exhausted by me eating someone
only to discover they're nothing like their profile, we offer
an alternative, bringing together comfortably chic venues with a cosmopolitan sensibility,
(17:09):
a sophisticated, no frills approach to singles events. We've done
away with the whistles, name tags and over the top
party trimmings. What do they mean with the whistles? What
does that mean? Do these have whistles usually? Do they
mean for speed dating? Like they're like blow a whistle
and then switch tables. Is that what they mean? A fresh,
(17:31):
alternative way to typical events that seem more like a
job fare than a relaxed way to connect. Okay, whether
it be a romantic dinner, wine taste in concert, or
festival bar crawl or fitness class, maybe even a mud run.
Do what you relish again capitalized with whom you relish? Look,
(17:52):
that's not a bad pitch, but I don't like this
relish motif that they've got going on here www dot
dorelish dot com. Oh boy, well I'm clicking on that
just out of curiosity. But I won't bore you guys
by reading any further. I'm just you know, I just
wanted to know how this works, because it's the sort
(18:12):
of thing that I feel like, how do you even
find out about it? You know, I'm so used to
just people inviting me either in person or because we're
Facebook friends and like adding me to events and things
like that. And you know a lot of dating stuff
is through Tinder or uh okay Cupid things like that,
(18:34):
And I was like, did those companies set up things
like this, but no, it's like totally independent companies that
that's all they do is set up like singles events.
That's kind of fascinating anyway. So she, like I said,
the naj doal wants to try and connect with somebody there,
and she uh is saying real weird stuff about how
(19:01):
like my dowry is really low. You just if all
you need is one goose and before you can even
slit its throat, I'm your wife, and she's saying it
like what she's like, it's it's the same tone of
voice as you would use to be, like I'm a
(19:24):
really cheap day. All you need is one drink and
my clothes will be on the floor, Like that's what
it sounds like she should be saying. But she's talking
about slitting a goose's throat. I love that it's a
goose too. It's not even like a go like a
hoofed animal that can do It's just a goose. Which
(19:46):
it's like, there's only really so much you can do
with a goose. You can have eggs and then you
can kill and eat the goose at least another animal.
You can make milk, You can take milk make cheese.
You could. If they're sheep, you could use their woolf
for things. A goose feels like that is really cheap dowry.
That does feel kind of bottom barrel. There's a woman
(20:08):
that she starts to do like a mating dance at
and she's like standing up and holding her arms out
and she says something like, look how wide I am,
which like when you look at the mating dances of animals, like,
(20:30):
that's not not what they're doing a lot of the time.
You know, it's like she's not terribly off base. To
be honest, Yeah, I'm sorry you guys, but just like
I think all the time during scenes like that, what
it is like to be the person she's dancing at.
(20:53):
Can you imagine filming this scene and having to keep
a straight face? Not just keep a straight face, you
also have to like have a look of like polite horror.
You're restraining yourself from having the the reaction you want
to have of just getting up and leaving the room.
(21:15):
I how many takes does it require before you are
able to get through that entire scene and not lose
your fucking mind? Oh my god. Anyway, So this uh
ends up with like, uh person, because she like touches
(21:38):
the woman she's dancing at, and so the person who's
moderating the event comes up and says, please, no touching,
and she just screams at her to like fuck off
and shoves her, which results in getting her evicted from
the event, and then we like moved back to the
(21:59):
house and it turns out, and I forgot to mention
one of my favorite things, which is that Evil Mabel
describes the process of becoming of jumping into each other's
bodies as a Freaky Friday scenario, and there was something
about like giving the concept of Freaky Friday real credence
(22:24):
and acting like that's genuine magic that I was very into.
But they come back to the house and it turns
out that the person that she wants to hook up
with is fucking Colin Robinson, which really hadn't even occurred
(22:47):
to me. Frankly, it hadn't occurred to me that because
like everything starts off with not just specifically saying you
don't want to fuck anybody in this house because all
of them have been ran through, which I really enjoy.
Anytime ran through is like something that is applied to
(23:07):
men because it's just so often just a slut shamy thing.
But so I just sort of expected Colin Robinson and
anybody like at home to really be taken completely off
the table, and that if she were going to meet
somebody else it would happen like on the way home.
It would be a sort of chance encounter thing and
not a I feel like, because this one dating thing
(23:32):
didn't work out, now I just have to go straight home.
You don't have to, girl. It can't have been that late.
They said they were gonna give it a day and
attempt to, like, you know, figure this out together, and
it just seemed like they were giving up awfully quickly.
And granted, a lot of that is because Naja does
not want to like give her body up, so she's
(23:54):
trying to take it back a little ahead of schedule.
And I'm not even mad at her about that, But
the fact that she decides to go for Colin Robinson.
I love that he first of all is like, okay,
you want to have sex with me, like he doesn't
(24:15):
really believe it. Then he is very careful to be
like and Naja is okay with this, Like I really
appreciate making sure that the person whose body it is
has given consent, and then we jump to like him
(24:38):
going in to kiss Naja while the doll is sitting
on a chair in the room, and the doll is
saying like, I don't know if it's weirder for me
to be here or not. And I was like, Oh,
I can't even believe that's a question of course it's
(24:59):
we for you to be there. What do you mean? Like,
what correct me if I'm wrong? Guys, But like, that's
much much weirder, right, I just the fact that she
was still there. It never even entered my head that
that was how it was gonna play out, that she
(25:21):
was going to fucking be there for it. I don't
think so. I don't like that at all. And he's
going in for the kiss and it seeming like, okay,
it's about to happen, and I was just sort of
resigned to it, even though it made me deeply uncomfortable.
And then he pulls back and he says, I can't
(25:44):
do this, and then we get one of the best
lines of the entire show, which is, it's not because
of how fucked up it is. I like how fucked
up it is, Like I really really like how fucked up.
(26:07):
Oh my god, there is something about just saying that
that I appreciate deeply, Like I think humanity would be
happier if we could all just admit that there are
(26:29):
times where the fact that something is wrong is what's hot. Like,
it's just a fact. I don't like it any more
than anybody else. I am not like supporting it, but
I think we should admit it because then we can
just cut to the chase. But we spend so much
(26:50):
time falling all over ourselves trying to act like whatever
it is isn't even that weird or wrong and justifying
a rational and you know what, kids, I'm just going
to say it, sometimes a fetish that people have can
be fucked up. It's just weird and wrong. And I
(27:12):
know that we're not supposed to kink shame, but guess
what I'm gonna there are kinks that are fucking strange
and wrong. And you know what, fine, it's fine. You
can like strange and wrong. Shit. I just don't want
you to try and tell me why it's fine. I
(27:33):
don't need it to be fine. It's not about me.
And if you're okay with it, then whatever, Just as
long as you're not hurting anybody, got ahead and do
your weird thing. Just don't like, why do we have
to try and be like, you know, everything is just
as valid. No it's not, it's not. I'm sorry. I
(27:55):
know that's like not sex positive, but there are just
some shit that's like fucked up, and that's what is
hot about it is that it's taboo and the whole thing.
So anyway, there's just that moment delighted me. And then
(28:15):
it turns out like he's like, I really like Nauja
Best as a doll. So it turns out like he's
been sort of harboring an attraction to the doll, which,
like it caught me off guard, but also when I
stopped and thought about it, I was like, I'm actually
(28:36):
very much willing to accept that that feels true for
Colin Robinson, Like he'd be like a weird collector dude
that has a house full of dolls, and at first
you'd be like, oh, he's just kind of like a
a quirky, offbeat dude with an obsessive streak, and then
he'd begin to find out that he had like borderline
(28:59):
sexual like thoughts about his dolls, and it would just
progressively get weirder and more and more uncomfortable. And I
actually really see that for him as a character. So this,
while it, like I said, did catch me off guard,
(29:19):
wasn't a complete shock. And you know, so now we're
at it because if she is in the doll form,
it's not like he can fuck her that way. That's
not gonna work. So then at this point, now just
trying to say, well, tough, tough titties girl, them was
(29:42):
the breaks. We gave it a shot. We tried to
let you have my body and get fucked. Didn't work out,
So sorry, what can you do? And is basically like saying, okay,
give me my body back, and dal Naja won't do it.
(30:02):
She just runs away and it turns out evil Mabel
is like, oh uh yeah, so probably I should tell
you that I don't actually have a way to like
make the spirit leave the vessel that I put it in,
which I can understand why she didn't mention that off
(30:24):
the top, But then she adds or no, I think
Colin like suggests, and she says, oh, yeah, that is possible.
Can we put another person into the vessel with that
spirit so that the vessel is holding two and she's like, oh, yeah,
(30:47):
actually we can, and he looks delighted. So they send
Colin's spirit into Naja's body, which results in this really
weird like the actress has to play both herself with
her ridiculous accent and Colin with his like extremely sort
(31:11):
of Midwest American accent and jump back and forth as
if they are arguing back and forth inside her. She
manages to like just barely pull it off. But it
was a really close one. For a second there. I
was starting to be like, oh, I am not buying this.
I'm sort of concerned if this is even gonna like
(31:33):
you know what I'm saying. But I feel like she
just about squeaked by. It was very very close though,
And what we wind up like eventually happening is Colin's
face is coming out of the back of her head.
So later on, when they're on stage at the beginning
(31:55):
of this like Pride parade that's gonna happen, they're singing
a duet and she's just turning around. And I don't
know how they did this. I can't tell if it
was like straight up cgi or if they had the
like the costume in such a way that both of
them could sort of fit inside this weird body. I
(32:16):
have to assume it's cgi because of how it really
did look like just one person turning every time. I
don't know, though, that was like there's something about Colin's
face peeking out from underneath all of her hair in
the back. It's weird enough to have a face coming
(32:39):
out of the back of somebody's head, as we have
seen with like Voldemort coming out of the back of
Quarrel's head, but that person having long hair makes it
a lot worse, a lot creepier. Quarrel had a bald head,
and so it was just like, oh, yeah, you're just
waiting for a face on the back of that head.
It's basically already there. You just get a marker and boom,
(33:00):
but when there's hair hanging over it, it's so much
worse and so much creepier. I really hated it. I
really really didn't like it, you guys. So anyway, in
the in the very end, they like post credits, they
walk by the bedroom and Laslow is in there, and
(33:24):
it's Nana and Gamma walking past, and Laslow is just
railing Naja's body that has both Naja and Colin inside
the body at the same time, and Colin is evidently
very into it. He seems to be having a great time.
(33:47):
But the way he responds, because you know, Laslow asks,
is that okay? And he says something like yeah, that's
real nice, like something like that, and I was like,
oh man, And I can't imagine a creepier response. If
I were fucking somebody and they were like, ah, that's
real nice, I would just stop. That would just be
(34:10):
a wrap on that session for me. I'm sorry, but nope,
that is horrible. So anyway, that's that's that the whole
plot line. So now let's back up and talk about
(34:31):
there's a weird little subplot about Nandor trying to impress
Guillermo and fly into space, but that's a result of
what's going on with Guillermo and Laslow. So Laslow is
running a bunch of different tests on Guillermo to determine
(34:55):
whether there is actually any transforming happening. And I really
really liked this because of how the the what's the
word I want here? The research that Laslo's doing. It's
so silly, like he could just you know, find a
(35:16):
book or whatever, but he just decides to go into
the living room and ask his friends, like, hey, what
do we know about vampires? Just like throw some things
out there. And I got really excited about this because
you guys know, there's all sorts of weird lore about
vampires that you very rarely actually see put into practice
(35:38):
in media. And the counting all of the rice on
the floor is like one of my very favorites because
it's such a kind of giveaway that people were attempting
to like explain away certain types of mental illness or
just sort of obsessive compulsive behaviors, which I guess still
(36:00):
is mental illness, but like it's it's really revealing that
that's what was going on with creating these weird legends,
is that folks met some strange people that were not
neurotypical and they were like, well, clearly they're vampires. And
it became a whole fucking thing. And I enjoy so
(36:25):
much when the like things that don't get included in
almost anything are at least brought up. But this episode
has a couple of them payoff really well. We'll get
into it in a second, but for now, I want
to just talk about the fact that there are a
pair of very very tiny bats wings growing out of
(36:46):
Giermo's back. What the fuck, you guys, what is going on?
It's not like his ears where it popped out and
then it went away. It seems like they're just there
and he can't see them. So he's asking like, is
this uh zoriasis thing? Like he thinks there's just something
(37:10):
wrong with his skin, and last Lav doesn't even tell
him the truth. He's just like, yeah, yeah, you know,
just a little patch, and he looks actually a little
bit freaked out, which it's hard to make Lasla look
scared about anything. So I just really, uh, that is it?
(37:33):
Just are they just there all the time now, just
under his clothes. He's just got these weird little wings.
Oh my god? Oh I hate it all that. So anyway,
the couple of the few things that last La is testing,
I'm gonna try and go to the actual scenes so
(37:54):
that we can see what it is. H that's this
way Vampire Super Speed Test number seventy two begin and
it's just Guillermo running back and forth in the room
and him timing him and pointing out that he's actually
like under the usual time for humans, which like I
(38:19):
would be quite under. It wouldn't even you wouldn't even
have to couch that language and try to be nice.
I know who I am and what I'm capable of,
and it's not a lot. But my favorite one personally
was that he's like in a full hazmat suit, holding
like not clothes, whole heads of garlic up to Guillermo's face,
(38:45):
and Guillermo at first sort of recoils and then he
sniffs and he's like, oh, that's not bad, actually, and
we see him like take fully the whole head of
garlic in his mouth. And I actually really love this,
especially because he's meant to be Hispanic and they are
fucking heavy on their garlic in their food, and I
(39:06):
love it. It's the best. And he the fact that
he just like goes for it like he's he has
it's the whole thing is in his mouth. I really
want to know if that was a real head of garlic,
doesn't matter in the slightest, just curious, or was it
like a cupcake like cut up and put with frosting
(39:29):
to make it look like a head of garlic. I
have always been personally offended, you know, in the Eureymine
one mister Grinch, there's a line you have gok in
your soul, and I've always just been like, is that
meant to be offensive? I feel like I have garlic
(39:52):
in my soul too. I'm not mad about like, Oh,
I sure, you know. I just always was sort of
And the fact that it's supposed to like ward evil
off like garlic is symbolizes this in a lot of
different traditions. And it's actually like an anti fungal and
(40:17):
antibacterial I think, so it's medicinally wards things off. But
also it has just an incredibly pungent smell, so I
think that's meant to be part of it as well.
I just got garlic is a fucking miracle. And I
have a friend who is allergic to all aliens, garlic onion, scallions,
(40:38):
you know, chibes, even I think bother her and I
could not live. Oh, it's so tragic to me. So anyway,
all of these are having zero effect on him. He
doesn't show any particular like vampiric reaction to anything except
(41:04):
for telekinesis. He is able to make a beaker float
in mid air, and it seems to tire him out.
He like goes and lays down afterward. But it's interesting
because all the other stuff isn't working. He can do telekinesis.
Here we saw that he was able to do, or
(41:25):
that he has like twenty twenty vision as well. The telekinesis.
I'm not sure if that is only has only just
started working, or if it's a like something that he
hadn't even thought to try on his own before, and
so he's only just figuring out that he can do it,
(41:45):
but he was able to do it the whole time,
do you know what I mean? I'm not sure it
even really matters, but the I think what I'm sort
of think my thinking is is that if it's only
just begun, that means that there is a progressive development
(42:06):
of abilities. If it was something that he was able
to do from the start and simply didn't know he
could do, that means that there's potentially no forward movement.
That he got a bunch of like little abilities, but
they aren't they aren't approaching the level of like a
vampire necessarily. And then we have Laslow having him like
(42:36):
I think he's just running on a treadmill or something,
and he collects all of Guillermo's sweat and distills it
into this like decoction that he dabs all over his body,
and it makes it so that he can actually go
out in the sun. I am assuming. I love the
(43:02):
fact that Ghermo's like, well, am I like a day walker?
Am I like Blade? And he's like, yeah, You're like Blade,
shut the fuck up? And I was like, look, you
can mock him all you want, but we saw what
the fuck Guillermo did at that council meeting, and I
am not dismissing at all that Guillermo is like Blade,
(43:27):
not even a little cuz like he kind of is though,
he's sort of like Blade, and that's awesome. And the
fact that it's just dismissed, I'm like, yeah, I think
that's actually exactly what it is. I think we're going
to find out he has done the half and half
thing and that's why he can still go out in
(43:49):
the sun. And maybe the like tiny little bat wings
aren't really like supporting that theory, but I don't know.
Everything else feels like it's lining up for that direction.
So anyway, as this is all happening, we've got Nandor
sort of in the background feeling very resentful over the
(44:12):
fact that the two of them are hanging out and
he isn't included. It's actually great, Like I really enjoy
seeing Nandor unsure of himself. When it comes to Giermo,
It's always my favorite way to observe him because you know,
he's such an asshole so much of the time he's
(44:33):
just a douche. And the fact that he reaches points
where he begins to really care that Giermo does not
have any time for him. It can feel like Germo
means nothing to him, And honestly, just because he is
reacting doesn't me and Ghermo means that much to him.
(44:54):
But I think it's evidence that he's just like hiding
how attached he has a actually grown to this person.
He doesn't want to admit it, you know, but it's
happened and it's too late. It's he's he cares so
Guierremo Like at one point they are like talking through
(45:18):
what vampires are capable of the things that we know,
and they mention flight. Laslow says they can only fly
as high as the lowest cloud in the area, and
Nandor chimes in with I think that's more of a
Laslo thing than a vampire thing, and he kind of
(45:40):
snickers when he says it, which earlier Nandor had said
vampires can only do two pumps and then they go soft,
So we know that he's certainly got some Nandor specific
stuff going on, but he is very just of this.
(46:01):
And when Laslow was like, oh, really, so how high
can you fly? And he says to outer space, Lazo
basically tells him to fuck the hell out and like,
shut up, knock it off, which of course leads to
Nandor needing to dig in even further, and we get
a sequence that I fucking loved It was so stupid
(46:25):
and it's pointless, but I still loved it so much.
He gets a go pro and he's got it on
his head as he's flying, and we check in with
him intermittently, and he eventually does pierce Earth's atmosphere and
wind up in space and he's floating, and there's a
(46:47):
moment where it seems like I was sort of wondering,
is it gonna be that he can't get back down,
like you know what I mean? And instead what they
did was they had it seems like the Earth's atmosphere
is what protects him. So he's hovering out there with
(47:11):
no effects apparently for a minute or two, and then
you hear this sizzling and you see that actually he's
beginning to catch fire. And I don't know if it's
that he's far enough out that the sun's light can
like kind of reach him anyway, I don't know what
the principle is here. But he begins to go back
(47:33):
down into the atmosphere and he lands like a fucking comment,
falling like he it's like an asteroid hitting the ground.
And maybe it's supposed to be that he's like on
fire simply because of the re entry. Like I thought
that it seemed like he wasn't actually beginning his re
(47:55):
entry left when he started to show flames. I don't
know that for sure, but I am curious, like what
that means, if anything, you know, the fact that he
completely it's it's when he lands, his clothes are gone,
(48:16):
they have burned up. He's fine. I was sort of
wondering if it was going because you know, vampires are
susceptible to fire, so I thought maybe that was going
to turn out to be what it was that he
injured himself terribly and no he's not only fine, but
so pleased with himself. He is delighted with the fact
(48:38):
that he went to space, because when he said he
had before, he was full of shit. But it turns
out he has managed it, and you know what, he
has every right to feel pride on that. I support
this pride. I think this is great and the fact
that the only thing that I regret is apparently the
(48:59):
go pro also destroyed, because it would have been so
cool to see that footage. And I don't know if
there's a way for him to prove that he was
even out there. If you know Laslow will ever really
believe him. But I think that his attitude, you can
tell that he is proud for a good reason. He
has a vibe when he lies, and he doesn't have
(49:20):
that vibe here. So then we have the uh, the
scene of Laslow going out into the daylight, and he
it's amazing. At first, He's just like it is so
fucking bright, Oh my god, And they're all working on
the posters and everything. There's for some reason, like an
(49:41):
Elton John poster, and I was like, are they just
putting Sean's face over it? But then it seems like
there's a speech bubble that they've got going on, and
I can't tell what he's saying, if he's the one
that's saying yes, Sean or what. It never goes up
high enough for me to be able to spot it.
(50:03):
But Laslow asks him for a garden chair lawn chair,
and he borrows one, and he goes, Oh, just his
vote Ronaldi, Okay. He goes to the beach, and I
love the music that's playing here because he's in like
an all sort of khaki outfit as somebody in eighteen
(50:23):
eighty would have worn to go to the beach, and
he's just laying out and enjoying the sun in this
very childlike way that was sort of moving in a
weird way. I love that there's like this couple just
kicking a soccer ball back and forth and he just
has to come in and launch that ball into the
(50:46):
fucking horizon like it's gone, and then he just tips
his hat to them, like you're welcome. I was like, dude,
what are you doing? But he has such a great time,
and I was sort of wondering is this something that
he could monetize? Would he like be able to sell this?
(51:07):
He would need Guillermo's sweat to do it, and I
don't know how you explain how this works where you're
getting it from. But I have to imagine there are
vampiars out there who would love to be out in
the day, right, I would think that would be something
you would miss terribly. So really curious if this is
going to be like a thing again or if we've
(51:28):
just sort of got this one episode for experimentation and
then it never gets brought up. I would sort of
like it if it's not really brought up again and
you think they've dropped it, and then there's some plot
line way later on where it turns out something has
to happen during the day and Guermo, you know, he
(51:51):
and Laslow are able to make it happen, but they
kind of can't explain how they did it. I'm sorry
if you guys can hear that. My time is playing
with a chew over here. But anyway, Yeah, so that
that whole scene, I just really really enjoyed him being
out there and just having a fucking blast. So then
(52:12):
we go to the actual Pride parade and it's a
funny affair. The way that they have this filmed is
you can never really tell how many people there are.
It looks to me to be about fifteen people max,
and I really think that it's supposed to be slightly
(52:33):
more than that, but just tricks of camera work, you know.
Leslow does turn up with a very bad sunburn, but
he doesn't seem to care. And I did notice when
he goes out into the water. I was sort of wondering,
is that just gonna wash off the ointment? I don't
(52:53):
know what to call it, And is he just gonna
burst into flames in the middle of the ocean, Like
how would that work? We've got a a lot of
vampires going where no one has gone before in this episode,
now that I think about it, with out in the
sun and in space. But he makes his speech Lastlow does,
and he says, come on, let's have a clap for
(53:16):
gay and let me tell you something. This fella tries
to kiss me all the time. And he points at
Sean and we just see Sean's wife out in the
audience kind of like open mouths doing a sort of
like excuse me what, And Sean doesn't actually argue, He
(53:36):
doesn't try and say like what, no, I don't or
like oh, he's kidding, he's kidding. He just laughs and
like looks a little bit abashed. So part of me
was sort of like, look, we're not around them all
the time. Maybe he does try and kiss him all
the time. I wouldn't know, I don't you know. But
(53:58):
he says, I'm not the only grand Marshal of this
gay parade. And then of course Nandor's not here. We
get Naja coming up and doing her creepy fucking thing,
and and then eventually Nandor crash lands and they have
to kind of cause a distraction and just be like,
(54:18):
h so, who's ready for a parade? Yeah, let's go everybody.
And so we see them all out with their floats
and Guillermo has a sign that just says gay guy
with a bunch of like rainbow heart stickers just at
(54:42):
random around it. The most feeble thing you've ever seen.
He looks miserable. He's just got his chin sort of
leaning on the edge of the like foam board because
I think that's what it is. And there's you know,
he's just fucking like ah, okay, camera goes away. We
(55:02):
see everybody else dancing and they're playing its raining men
and then the camera comes back to Guillermo and he's
sort of pursing his lips in a little bit of
like a all right, well, you know actually, and then
all of a sudden, he raises his little sparkler that
he's got going and starts to like really dance and
(55:25):
get into it. And I fucking loved that ending so much,
you guys, it may be so happy. It was just
so it was just happy, and you just we don't
get to see Giermo happy. He's like every episode tends
to end with him being the loser somehow, and even
(55:46):
though things don't really like work out in this episode
in terms of him becoming fully vampire or anything, they
don't go terribly for him. And then he gets his
little moment of like, yeah, you know what, I'm just
like listening to music and I have pride and I'm
in a parade, you know what. Fucking yeah, And I
just really enjoyed that ending. I thought it was super sweet.
(56:07):
So yeah, I'm trying to think if there's anything else.
I already talked about the fucking post credits and how
incredibly creepy it is. I forgot too that while Laslow
is railing them he's wearing those like weird goggles and
has his burnt face and just the whole thing looks
absolutely freakish, especially because like the nag doll is sitting
(56:29):
on his shoulder and I think she's got a crop
and is whipping him or something. So like you guys,
it's a whole lot. There's much, much, much happening in
that scene. But anyway, Yeah, I really enjoyed this one.
It was really weird, but it was high energy. It
(56:49):
just felt like it kept along in a really good clip.
You know, there have been some real duds last season,
and I'm hoping that they've just decided to pull the
stops out a little bit more this time. All Right, Well,
I'm a little undertime, but I feel like with these
episodes that's just kind of happening. You know. I have
my days where I go off on a particular tangent,
but I haven't had enough tangents this time. So I'll
(57:12):
come locked and loaded for a real tangent next episode.
I promise, thank you again. Until then, to Loo motherfuckers.
(57:49):
That was an Unspoiled Network podcast
This is an unspoiled network podcast. This is spoil Me
covering what we do in The Shadows Season five, Episode three,
Pride Parade. In this episode, Sean has decided to run
(00:22):
for a city comptroller, and he decides that the best
way to get the queer vote is to throw an impromptu,
very small, extremely focused on sean pride parade. I admire
the hustle. Welcome to spoil Me of Welcome to the
(01:05):
show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you very much to
Max for commissioning this episode. Y'all, this episode is a really,
really weird one. I think if you were gonna have
like a weird off, it would be in the top
five at least. There are so many bizarre things going on.
(01:31):
First of all, there's the fact that we have a
vampire walking around in the sun because he used the
sweat of somebody else. We have a vampire and a
dull spirit switching bodies. We have colin his face coming
(01:52):
out the back of the head of the same body.
We have uh, just the mirror ongoing fact that Guillermo
is slowly transforming into a vampire. Like all of these
things together create one of the more bizarre episodes of
this show. So all right, let's just get things started,
(02:16):
shall we. H. I really do like how every time
I think I know where this is going, we juke
to the left and do something weird. So the episode
opens with Nandor saying, our neighbor Sean has begun a
bid to ruthlessly unseat Staten Island's rulers so that the
(02:37):
crown of absolute power may rest solely upon his head.
And this is when we find out it's comptroller that
he's running for. His wife is helping him. Delighted to
see her again. She is just really, really fun. Her
fucking hair is huge. I aspire to hair like that.
(02:58):
I swear to God, it can't all be hers. I
can't believe that. And he's he's decided that, like his
slogan is going to be bring the Rangers back to
Staten Island. Full disclosure, kiddos, I'm assuming that's a sports team,
no idea at all. Or is that hockey? Is that
(03:23):
that's not football? Rangers? Rangers are hockey. I don't even
know now that I'm saying it. It's not baseball? Is
it baseball? I don't feel like it is. Well anyway,
So that's that's the uh you know slogan that he's
(03:44):
running with. And while I can understand his desires there,
I can also see why he's not really resonating with
the queer vote so much. Not to say that queer
people can't care about sports, but let's be real, here
is a smaller part of that demographic than the Straits
for sure. And this, like, the way that this goes
(04:11):
is so funny because he is saying, I think I'm
going to win, and I need your help because this
is the demographic I'm sliding on. And what I decided
to do was throw a parade, a Pride parade, And
instead of like presenting or getting to present the rest
(04:33):
of his idea, Laslow interrupts him. And the way he
does it is so funny because Laslow has this way
of phrasing things where he to tell like it seems
to really be shit talking you in the first half,
and then he turns around and is super encouraging in
the second half. So they're showing the poster for the
(04:59):
Pride parade, and uh, I didn't realize that his last
name is Ronaldi. I'm just like really clocking that right now.
And that was one of my favorite teacher's last names.
But yeah, they each have like queer family members that
are going to be coming down to help. He says
something about like his bisexual cousin and he asks, he says, Leaslo,
(05:20):
you probably remember him, and I feel like that's a
reference to something that we actually got to see on
the show, but I don't remember what it is, if
anybody wants to refresh me. But yeah, last though, like
he interrupts all of this with like, Okay, I'm going
to need you to shut the fuck up, and I'm like, ouch,
(05:46):
is he just like angry about this, sent this this
idea or what? And then I know why you're here.
You want us to grand marshall your gabe parade. And
again the tone of it, I'm just like that sounds
like a bad Like that sounds like a no. Immediately
(06:09):
following that's a thumbs up. You want to start your
gay parade on our front lawn, that's two thumbs up.
I have I realize a terrible time really like reading
Laslow there, he can have almost the exact same expression
on his face when he's delighted versus when he is irritated,
(06:34):
and it's purely by the dialogue that I am able
to tell how he's feeling it all. It's just kind
of wild, you know. Anyway, So he also says, like,
any floats that you were planning on, although, of course
(06:55):
the only thing that Nandor can think of is chariots.
So he keeps trying to like push this agenda of like, yeah,
well you're clearly going to slaughter your enemies, and they
keep having to be like, well, that would be super cool, yes,
but no, we can't do that. So it's going to
be voting, and he keeps seeming very disappointed by that,
(07:17):
but he tells them Laslow that they are also going
to make the floats. And I really do enjoy y'all
the way that this goes eventually, because I kind of
thought that this was going to be an unmitigated disaster,
and I was sort of bummed, like preemptively because I
(07:42):
know that, like, Okay, it's the whole point of this
show a lot of the time is how incompetent these
vampires are and that we are just enjoying watching them
screw up. But I also really didn't want to see
(08:07):
something that is for queer people get completely like fucked up.
You know I didn't want to see them be let down,
and we really don't. There is some true weirdness that
winds up happening later, and that's real, but it isn't
(08:28):
as bad as I was sort of expecting it to be,
and I am really grateful for that. So just to
head that off and mention that off the top, because
like I said, I had a sense of dread going
on and it turns out to have been mostly unwarranted.
So the two of them, the Renaldi's as I'm now
(08:52):
going to call them all the time, agree to this
and are really like grateful for it and taken by surprise,
thought for sure that it was just going to be
what we just wanted you guys to like help us
with posters and messaging and stuff. Well, y'all, so what
(09:14):
we get like after the the intro is we're hanging
out with Naja and Evil Mabel and the Naja Doll again,
and the conversation is really more like a therapy session.
(09:36):
Evil Mabel is saying, like, what is really actually at
the root of your frustration lately, Nauja Doll, and the
doll says, I died a virgin. Essentially, I died before
I was able to use my body and not just
(10:01):
sort of confused by this, and she's like, I definitely
wasn't a virgin when I was turned vampire. And she's like,
but I was, I'm the spirit of you, or she
says something like I'm not a virgin now and she says,
but I was this, I'm the spirit of you when
you were turned and then you were and uh, she
(10:28):
like the idea of this is. When she's first presenting it,
I'm like, so, what is this episode going to be?
Like We're gonna find a male doll that can have
sex with you? Like that doesn't feel like it's gonna
who how what? How would that even go? But no, kids,
(10:50):
that's not what we're doing. So eventually she comes to
the point like I wish that I could just like
borrow your body for a day. Nadja is like, oh, well,
of course, if that were possible, I would do that
in a second, but since it's not too bad, at
(11:11):
which point Evil Mabel chimes in, actually, it is possible,
actually not even that hard. It's pretty pretty easy to do.
And I really enjoy anytime somebody like acts as if
it would be no big deal and they'd certainly do
a thing, but when they find out it's real, you
suddenly see how full of shit they were. And I
(11:34):
like it in some ways because this is exactly also
how I am. I'll be like, oh, if only such
and such, when really, in my heart, I am doing
a little dance because I didn't wind up having to
do the thing. So yeah, relatable. So they do the split,
(11:56):
and I was very curious about how this was gonna
work because, as is said later by Nandor, and I
really actually loved that this was addressed in the script,
the two of them were basically the same person. So
how does it even work that they like switch bodies
(12:21):
and there's any difference at all? That was my main question,
you know. And it turns out like their personalities aren't
exactly different in terms of their overall desires and the
ways that they approach problems. But what's really different is
that the doll has not joined the modern world in
(12:44):
any sense. So her solution to wanting to get railed,
as Naja had put in, is to go to a
speed dating session and try and like hook up with
somebody there. Now, well, my friends, I am so curious
if anybody out there has done a speed dating session,
(13:08):
because I, you know, that never really I've only barely
done like online dating at all in the very early days.
And it really wasn't even online dating. It was just
like who looked hot on MySpace? And then we like
got together and fucked around and then maybe I saw
(13:28):
them again, maybe not. So I don't know anything about
these sort of speed dating services. I don't know if
that's really even the word I want. Is this like
a common thing? Has anybody done it? Because it seems
(13:49):
like simultaneously absolutely excruciating but also low key kind of fun.
I'm always curious about it, and you see it really
a lot in stuff like sitcoms, you know, but I
feel like, what a great time. It sounds like you
just basically get to see the highlights of a real date,
(14:15):
so you don't have to do all of the bullshit
like sales pitch exactly, but you're still doing a sales pitch,
but it's not wrapped up in all the fucking goofy
nonsense that comes with a whole date. And I just
feel like that seems ideal, you know. I don't know,
(14:38):
so anyway, I just wanted to ask about it because
It's just not something that I'm familiar with, and it's
presented all the time on television as if it's super
common that these are going on all over the place,
and I really don't know how true that is. I
have to assume like when it's you know, most of
the time when you see this stuff, it's in the
(14:59):
context of people who like live in a city, because
I would think it's probably easier to fill speed dating
what it would dance cards basically is the word I
want when you're pulling from a huge pool of people
than it would be say, like in my town, you
know what I mean. But maybe it's not. Maybe this
(15:21):
is something that goes on in small towns as well.
I've never like searched for it or anything, you know what.
You know what, guys, look, I'm gonna be able to
talk about this episode quite easily within an hour. So
let me just speed dating near me just to see.
I hope Owen doesn't see my search history and start
to worry. Ooh, there is a bunch of stuff on
(15:43):
event bright and it's the first one to pop up
is lesbian speed dating in Dallas. That's fun. My cheeky
gay date dot Com Okay, I'm sorry, that's fantastic. They
have like different age ranges that's interesting, ages twenty nine
(16:06):
through forty two. Okay, that feels reasonable. And then and
a lot of these are like being done by different
So there's network bar nest Craft, and then a whole
different section my cheeky date. I feel like that implies something.
(16:27):
There's something about it being called cheeky that's like, is
this sex? Is this just pure like hookup culture? Then
there's one that's just called do you relish? Uh, I'm sorry,
what does that mean? Do you relish? That also sounds
extremely sexual. I'm clicking on it. Uh. It's all about
(16:48):
what you relish. Relish is capitalized though, and finding someone
to relish those things with. I don't like this. If
you're tired of online dating, exhausted by me eating someone
only to discover they're nothing like their profile, we offer
an alternative, bringing together comfortably chic venues with a cosmopolitan sensibility,
(17:09):
a sophisticated, no frills approach to singles events. We've done
away with the whistles, name tags and over the top
party trimmings. What do they mean with the whistles? What
does that mean? Do these have whistles usually? Do they
mean for speed dating? Like they're like blow a whistle
and then switch tables. Is that what they mean? A fresh,
(17:31):
alternative way to typical events that seem more like a
job fare than a relaxed way to connect. Okay, whether
it be a romantic dinner, wine taste in concert, or
festival bar crawl or fitness class, maybe even a mud run.
Do what you relish again capitalized with whom you relish? Look,
(17:52):
that's not a bad pitch, but I don't like this
relish motif that they've got going on here www dot
dorelish dot com. Oh boy, well I'm clicking on that
just out of curiosity. But I won't bore you guys
by reading any further. I'm just you know, I just
wanted to know how this works, because it's the sort
(18:12):
of thing that I feel like, how do you even
find out about it? You know, I'm so used to
just people inviting me either in person or because we're
Facebook friends and like adding me to events and things
like that. And you know a lot of dating stuff
is through Tinder or uh okay Cupid things like that,
(18:34):
And I was like, did those companies set up things
like this, but no, it's like totally independent companies that
that's all they do is set up like singles events.
That's kind of fascinating anyway. So she, like I said,
the naj doal wants to try and connect with somebody there,
and she uh is saying real weird stuff about how
(19:01):
like my dowry is really low. You just if all
you need is one goose and before you can even
slit its throat, I'm your wife, and she's saying it
like what she's like, it's it's the same tone of
voice as you would use to be, like I'm a
(19:24):
really cheap day. All you need is one drink and
my clothes will be on the floor, Like that's what
it sounds like she should be saying. But she's talking
about slitting a goose's throat. I love that it's a
goose too. It's not even like a go like a
hoofed animal that can do It's just a goose. Which
(19:46):
it's like, there's only really so much you can do
with a goose. You can have eggs and then you
can kill and eat the goose at least another animal.
You can make milk, You can take milk make cheese.
You could. If they're sheep, you could use their woolf
for things. A goose feels like that is really cheap dowry.
That does feel kind of bottom barrel. There's a woman
(20:08):
that she starts to do like a mating dance at
and she's like standing up and holding her arms out
and she says something like, look how wide I am,
which like when you look at the mating dances of animals, like,
(20:30):
that's not not what they're doing a lot of the time.
You know, it's like she's not terribly off base. To
be honest, Yeah, I'm sorry you guys, but just like
I think all the time during scenes like that, what
it is like to be the person she's dancing at.
(20:53):
Can you imagine filming this scene and having to keep
a straight face? Not just keep a straight face, you
also have to like have a look of like polite horror.
You're restraining yourself from having the the reaction you want
to have of just getting up and leaving the room.
(21:15):
I how many takes does it require before you are
able to get through that entire scene and not lose
your fucking mind? Oh my god. Anyway, So this uh
ends up with like, uh person, because she like touches
(21:38):
the woman she's dancing at, and so the person who's
moderating the event comes up and says, please, no touching,
and she just screams at her to like fuck off
and shoves her, which results in getting her evicted from
the event, and then we like moved back to the
(21:59):
house and it turns out, and I forgot to mention
one of my favorite things, which is that Evil Mabel
describes the process of becoming of jumping into each other's
bodies as a Freaky Friday scenario, and there was something
about like giving the concept of Freaky Friday real credence
(22:24):
and acting like that's genuine magic that I was very into.
But they come back to the house and it turns
out that the person that she wants to hook up
with is fucking Colin Robinson, which really hadn't even occurred
(22:47):
to me. Frankly, it hadn't occurred to me that because
like everything starts off with not just specifically saying you
don't want to fuck anybody in this house because all
of them have been ran through, which I really enjoy.
Anytime ran through is like something that is applied to
(23:07):
men because it's just so often just a slut shamy thing.
But so I just sort of expected Colin Robinson and
anybody like at home to really be taken completely off
the table, and that if she were going to meet
somebody else it would happen like on the way home.
It would be a sort of chance encounter thing and
not a I feel like, because this one dating thing
(23:32):
didn't work out, now I just have to go straight home.
You don't have to, girl. It can't have been that late.
They said they were gonna give it a day and
attempt to, like, you know, figure this out together, and
it just seemed like they were giving up awfully quickly.
And granted, a lot of that is because Naja does
not want to like give her body up, so she's
(23:54):
trying to take it back a little ahead of schedule.
And I'm not even mad at her about that, But
the fact that she decides to go for Colin Robinson.
I love that he first of all is like, okay,
you want to have sex with me, like he doesn't
(24:15):
really believe it. Then he is very careful to be
like and Naja is okay with this, Like I really
appreciate making sure that the person whose body it is
has given consent, and then we jump to like him
(24:38):
going in to kiss Naja while the doll is sitting
on a chair in the room, and the doll is
saying like, I don't know if it's weirder for me
to be here or not. And I was like, Oh,
I can't even believe that's a question of course it's
(24:59):
we for you to be there. What do you mean? Like,
what correct me if I'm wrong? Guys, But like, that's
much much weirder, right, I just the fact that she
was still there. It never even entered my head that
that was how it was gonna play out, that she
(25:21):
was going to fucking be there for it. I don't
think so. I don't like that at all. And he's
going in for the kiss and it seeming like, okay,
it's about to happen, and I was just sort of
resigned to it, even though it made me deeply uncomfortable.
And then he pulls back and he says, I can't
(25:44):
do this, and then we get one of the best
lines of the entire show, which is, it's not because
of how fucked up it is. I like how fucked
up it is, Like I really really like how fucked up.
(26:07):
Oh my god, there is something about just saying that
that I appreciate deeply, Like I think humanity would be
happier if we could all just admit that there are
(26:29):
times where the fact that something is wrong is what's hot. Like,
it's just a fact. I don't like it any more
than anybody else. I am not like supporting it, but
I think we should admit it because then we can
just cut to the chase. But we spend so much
(26:50):
time falling all over ourselves trying to act like whatever
it is isn't even that weird or wrong and justifying
a rational and you know what, kids, I'm just going
to say it, sometimes a fetish that people have can
be fucked up. It's just weird and wrong. And I
(27:12):
know that we're not supposed to kink shame, but guess
what I'm gonna there are kinks that are fucking strange
and wrong. And you know what, fine, it's fine. You
can like strange and wrong. Shit. I just don't want
you to try and tell me why it's fine. I
(27:33):
don't need it to be fine. It's not about me.
And if you're okay with it, then whatever, Just as
long as you're not hurting anybody, got ahead and do
your weird thing. Just don't like, why do we have
to try and be like, you know, everything is just
as valid. No it's not, it's not. I'm sorry. I
(27:55):
know that's like not sex positive, but there are just
some shit that's like fucked up, and that's what is
hot about it is that it's taboo and the whole thing.
So anyway, there's just that moment delighted me. And then
(28:15):
it turns out like he's like, I really like Nauja
Best as a doll. So it turns out like he's
been sort of harboring an attraction to the doll, which,
like it caught me off guard, but also when I
stopped and thought about it, I was like, I'm actually
(28:36):
very much willing to accept that that feels true for
Colin Robinson, Like he'd be like a weird collector dude
that has a house full of dolls, and at first
you'd be like, oh, he's just kind of like a
a quirky, offbeat dude with an obsessive streak, and then
he'd begin to find out that he had like borderline
(28:59):
sexual like thoughts about his dolls, and it would just
progressively get weirder and more and more uncomfortable. And I
actually really see that for him as a character. So this,
while it, like I said, did catch me off guard,
(29:19):
wasn't a complete shock. And you know, so now we're
at it because if she is in the doll form,
it's not like he can fuck her that way. That's
not gonna work. So then at this point, now just
trying to say, well, tough, tough titties girl, them was
(29:42):
the breaks. We gave it a shot. We tried to
let you have my body and get fucked. Didn't work out,
So sorry, what can you do? And is basically like saying, okay,
give me my body back, and dal Naja won't do it.
(30:02):
She just runs away and it turns out evil Mabel
is like, oh uh yeah, so probably I should tell
you that I don't actually have a way to like
make the spirit leave the vessel that I put it in,
which I can understand why she didn't mention that off
(30:24):
the top, But then she adds or no, I think
Colin like suggests, and she says, oh, yeah, that is possible.
Can we put another person into the vessel with that
spirit so that the vessel is holding two and she's like, oh, yeah,
(30:47):
actually we can, and he looks delighted. So they send
Colin's spirit into Naja's body, which results in this really
weird like the actress has to play both herself with
her ridiculous accent and Colin with his like extremely sort
(31:11):
of Midwest American accent and jump back and forth as
if they are arguing back and forth inside her. She
manages to like just barely pull it off. But it
was a really close one. For a second there. I
was starting to be like, oh, I am not buying this.
I'm sort of concerned if this is even gonna like
(31:33):
you know what I'm saying. But I feel like she
just about squeaked by. It was very very close though,
And what we wind up like eventually happening is Colin's
face is coming out of the back of her head.
So later on, when they're on stage at the beginning
(31:55):
of this like Pride parade that's gonna happen, they're singing
a duet and she's just turning around. And I don't
know how they did this. I can't tell if it
was like straight up cgi or if they had the
like the costume in such a way that both of
them could sort of fit inside this weird body. I
(32:16):
have to assume it's cgi because of how it really
did look like just one person turning every time. I
don't know, though, that was like there's something about Colin's
face peeking out from underneath all of her hair in
the back. It's weird enough to have a face coming
(32:39):
out of the back of somebody's head, as we have
seen with like Voldemort coming out of the back of
Quarrel's head, but that person having long hair makes it
a lot worse, a lot creepier. Quarrel had a bald head,
and so it was just like, oh, yeah, you're just
waiting for a face on the back of that head.
It's basically already there. You just get a marker and boom,
(33:00):
but when there's hair hanging over it, it's so much
worse and so much creepier. I really hated it. I
really really didn't like it, you guys. So anyway, in
the in the very end, they like post credits, they
walk by the bedroom and Laslow is in there, and
(33:24):
it's Nana and Gamma walking past, and Laslow is just
railing Naja's body that has both Naja and Colin inside
the body at the same time, and Colin is evidently
very into it. He seems to be having a great time.
(33:47):
But the way he responds, because you know, Laslow asks,
is that okay? And he says something like yeah, that's
real nice, like something like that, and I was like,
oh man, And I can't imagine a creepier response. If
I were fucking somebody and they were like, ah, that's
real nice, I would just stop. That would just be
(34:10):
a wrap on that session for me. I'm sorry, but nope,
that is horrible. So anyway, that's that's that the whole
plot line. So now let's back up and talk about
(34:31):
there's a weird little subplot about Nandor trying to impress
Guillermo and fly into space, but that's a result of
what's going on with Guillermo and Laslow. So Laslow is
running a bunch of different tests on Guillermo to determine
(34:55):
whether there is actually any transforming happening. And I really
really liked this because of how the the what's the
word I want here? The research that Laslo's doing. It's
so silly, like he could just you know, find a
(35:16):
book or whatever, but he just decides to go into
the living room and ask his friends, like, hey, what
do we know about vampires? Just like throw some things
out there. And I got really excited about this because
you guys know, there's all sorts of weird lore about
vampires that you very rarely actually see put into practice
(35:38):
in media. And the counting all of the rice on
the floor is like one of my very favorites because
it's such a kind of giveaway that people were attempting
to like explain away certain types of mental illness or
just sort of obsessive compulsive behaviors, which I guess still
(36:00):
is mental illness, but like it's it's really revealing that
that's what was going on with creating these weird legends,
is that folks met some strange people that were not
neurotypical and they were like, well, clearly they're vampires. And
it became a whole fucking thing. And I enjoy so
(36:25):
much when the like things that don't get included in
almost anything are at least brought up. But this episode
has a couple of them payoff really well. We'll get
into it in a second, but for now, I want
to just talk about the fact that there are a
pair of very very tiny bats wings growing out of
(36:46):
Giermo's back. What the fuck, you guys, what is going on?
It's not like his ears where it popped out and
then it went away. It seems like they're just there
and he can't see them. So he's asking like, is
this uh zoriasis thing? Like he thinks there's just something
(37:10):
wrong with his skin, and last Lav doesn't even tell
him the truth. He's just like, yeah, yeah, you know,
just a little patch, and he looks actually a little
bit freaked out, which it's hard to make Lasla look
scared about anything. So I just really, uh, that is it?
(37:33):
Just are they just there all the time now, just
under his clothes. He's just got these weird little wings.
Oh my god? Oh I hate it all that. So anyway,
the couple of the few things that last La is testing,
I'm gonna try and go to the actual scenes so
(37:54):
that we can see what it is. H that's this
way Vampire Super Speed Test number seventy two begin and
it's just Guillermo running back and forth in the room
and him timing him and pointing out that he's actually
like under the usual time for humans, which like I
(38:19):
would be quite under. It wouldn't even you wouldn't even
have to couch that language and try to be nice.
I know who I am and what I'm capable of,
and it's not a lot. But my favorite one personally
was that he's like in a full hazmat suit, holding
like not clothes, whole heads of garlic up to Guillermo's face,
(38:45):
and Guillermo at first sort of recoils and then he
sniffs and he's like, oh, that's not bad, actually, and
we see him like take fully the whole head of
garlic in his mouth. And I actually really love this,
especially because he's meant to be Hispanic and they are
fucking heavy on their garlic in their food, and I
(39:06):
love it. It's the best. And he the fact that
he just like goes for it like he's he has
it's the whole thing is in his mouth. I really
want to know if that was a real head of garlic,
doesn't matter in the slightest, just curious, or was it
like a cupcake like cut up and put with frosting
(39:29):
to make it look like a head of garlic. I
have always been personally offended, you know, in the Eureymine
one mister Grinch, there's a line you have gok in
your soul, and I've always just been like, is that
meant to be offensive? I feel like I have garlic
(39:52):
in my soul too. I'm not mad about like, Oh,
I sure, you know. I just always was sort of
And the fact that it's supposed to like ward evil
off like garlic is symbolizes this in a lot of
different traditions. And it's actually like an anti fungal and
(40:17):
antibacterial I think, so it's medicinally wards things off. But
also it has just an incredibly pungent smell, so I
think that's meant to be part of it as well.
I just got garlic is a fucking miracle. And I
have a friend who is allergic to all aliens, garlic onion, scallions,
(40:38):
you know, chibes, even I think bother her and I
could not live. Oh, it's so tragic to me. So anyway,
all of these are having zero effect on him. He
doesn't show any particular like vampiric reaction to anything except
(41:04):
for telekinesis. He is able to make a beaker float
in mid air, and it seems to tire him out.
He like goes and lays down afterward. But it's interesting
because all the other stuff isn't working. He can do telekinesis.
Here we saw that he was able to do, or
(41:25):
that he has like twenty twenty vision as well. The telekinesis.
I'm not sure if that is only has only just
started working, or if it's a like something that he
hadn't even thought to try on his own before, and
so he's only just figuring out that he can do it,
(41:45):
but he was able to do it the whole time,
do you know what I mean? I'm not sure it
even really matters, but the I think what I'm sort
of think my thinking is is that if it's only
just begun, that means that there is a progressive development
(42:06):
of abilities. If it was something that he was able
to do from the start and simply didn't know he
could do, that means that there's potentially no forward movement.
That he got a bunch of like little abilities, but
they aren't they aren't approaching the level of like a
vampire necessarily. And then we have Laslow having him like
(42:36):
I think he's just running on a treadmill or something,
and he collects all of Guillermo's sweat and distills it
into this like decoction that he dabs all over his body,
and it makes it so that he can actually go
out in the sun. I am assuming. I love the
(43:02):
fact that Ghermo's like, well, am I like a day walker?
Am I like Blade? And he's like, yeah, You're like Blade,
shut the fuck up? And I was like, look, you
can mock him all you want, but we saw what
the fuck Guillermo did at that council meeting, and I
am not dismissing at all that Guillermo is like Blade,
(43:27):
not even a little cuz like he kind of is though,
he's sort of like Blade, and that's awesome. And the
fact that it's just dismissed, I'm like, yeah, I think
that's actually exactly what it is. I think we're going
to find out he has done the half and half
thing and that's why he can still go out in
(43:49):
the sun. And maybe the like tiny little bat wings
aren't really like supporting that theory, but I don't know.
Everything else feels like it's lining up for that direction.
So anyway, as this is all happening, we've got Nandor
sort of in the background feeling very resentful over the
(44:12):
fact that the two of them are hanging out and
he isn't included. It's actually great, Like I really enjoy
seeing Nandor unsure of himself. When it comes to Giermo,
It's always my favorite way to observe him because you know,
he's such an asshole so much of the time he's
(44:33):
just a douche. And the fact that he reaches points
where he begins to really care that Giermo does not
have any time for him. It can feel like Germo
means nothing to him, And honestly, just because he is
reacting doesn't me and Ghermo means that much to him.
(44:54):
But I think it's evidence that he's just like hiding
how attached he has a actually grown to this person.
He doesn't want to admit it, you know, but it's
happened and it's too late. It's he's he cares so
Guierremo Like at one point they are like talking through
(45:18):
what vampires are capable of the things that we know,
and they mention flight. Laslow says they can only fly
as high as the lowest cloud in the area, and
Nandor chimes in with I think that's more of a
Laslo thing than a vampire thing, and he kind of
(45:40):
snickers when he says it, which earlier Nandor had said
vampires can only do two pumps and then they go soft,
So we know that he's certainly got some Nandor specific
stuff going on, but he is very just of this.
(46:01):
And when Laslow was like, oh, really, so how high
can you fly? And he says to outer space, Lazo
basically tells him to fuck the hell out and like,
shut up, knock it off, which of course leads to
Nandor needing to dig in even further, and we get
a sequence that I fucking loved It was so stupid
(46:25):
and it's pointless, but I still loved it so much.
He gets a go pro and he's got it on
his head as he's flying, and we check in with
him intermittently, and he eventually does pierce Earth's atmosphere and
wind up in space and he's floating, and there's a
(46:47):
moment where it seems like I was sort of wondering,
is it gonna be that he can't get back down,
like you know what I mean? And instead what they
did was they had it seems like the Earth's atmosphere
is what protects him. So he's hovering out there with
(47:11):
no effects apparently for a minute or two, and then
you hear this sizzling and you see that actually he's
beginning to catch fire. And I don't know if it's
that he's far enough out that the sun's light can
like kind of reach him anyway, I don't know what
the principle is here. But he begins to go back
(47:33):
down into the atmosphere and he lands like a fucking comment,
falling like he it's like an asteroid hitting the ground.
And maybe it's supposed to be that he's like on
fire simply because of the re entry. Like I thought
that it seemed like he wasn't actually beginning his re
(47:55):
entry left when he started to show flames. I don't
know that for sure, but I am curious, like what
that means, if anything, you know, the fact that he
completely it's it's when he lands, his clothes are gone,
(48:16):
they have burned up. He's fine. I was sort of
wondering if it was going because you know, vampires are
susceptible to fire, so I thought maybe that was going
to turn out to be what it was that he
injured himself terribly and no he's not only fine, but
so pleased with himself. He is delighted with the fact
(48:38):
that he went to space, because when he said he
had before, he was full of shit. But it turns
out he has managed it, and you know what, he
has every right to feel pride on that. I support
this pride. I think this is great and the fact
that the only thing that I regret is apparently the
(48:59):
go pro also destroyed, because it would have been so
cool to see that footage. And I don't know if
there's a way for him to prove that he was
even out there. If you know Laslow will ever really
believe him. But I think that his attitude, you can
tell that he is proud for a good reason. He
has a vibe when he lies, and he doesn't have
(49:20):
that vibe here. So then we have the uh, the
scene of Laslow going out into the daylight, and he
it's amazing. At first, He's just like it is so
fucking bright, Oh my god, And they're all working on
the posters and everything. There's for some reason, like an
(49:41):
Elton John poster, and I was like, are they just
putting Sean's face over it? But then it seems like
there's a speech bubble that they've got going on, and
I can't tell what he's saying, if he's the one
that's saying yes, Sean or what. It never goes up
high enough for me to be able to spot it.
(50:03):
But Laslow asks him for a garden chair lawn chair,
and he borrows one, and he goes, Oh, just his
vote Ronaldi, Okay. He goes to the beach, and I
love the music that's playing here because he's in like
an all sort of khaki outfit as somebody in eighteen
(50:23):
eighty would have worn to go to the beach, and
he's just laying out and enjoying the sun in this
very childlike way that was sort of moving in a
weird way. I love that there's like this couple just
kicking a soccer ball back and forth and he just
has to come in and launch that ball into the
(50:46):
fucking horizon like it's gone, and then he just tips
his hat to them, like you're welcome. I was like, dude,
what are you doing? But he has such a great time,
and I was sort of wondering is this something that
he could monetize? Would he like be able to sell this?
(51:07):
He would need Guillermo's sweat to do it, and I
don't know how you explain how this works where you're
getting it from. But I have to imagine there are
vampiars out there who would love to be out in
the day, right, I would think that would be something
you would miss terribly. So really curious if this is
going to be like a thing again or if we've
(51:28):
just sort of got this one episode for experimentation and
then it never gets brought up. I would sort of
like it if it's not really brought up again and
you think they've dropped it, and then there's some plot
line way later on where it turns out something has
to happen during the day and Guermo, you know, he
(51:51):
and Laslow are able to make it happen, but they
kind of can't explain how they did it. I'm sorry
if you guys can hear that. My time is playing
with a chew over here. But anyway, Yeah, so that
that whole scene, I just really really enjoyed him being
out there and just having a fucking blast. So then
(52:12):
we go to the actual Pride parade and it's a
funny affair. The way that they have this filmed is
you can never really tell how many people there are.
It looks to me to be about fifteen people max,
and I really think that it's supposed to be slightly
(52:33):
more than that, but just tricks of camera work, you know.
Leslow does turn up with a very bad sunburn, but
he doesn't seem to care. And I did notice when
he goes out into the water. I was sort of wondering,
is that just gonna wash off the ointment? I don't
(52:53):
know what to call it, And is he just gonna
burst into flames in the middle of the ocean, Like
how would that work? We've got a a lot of
vampires going where no one has gone before in this episode,
now that I think about it, with out in the
sun and in space. But he makes his speech Lastlow does,
and he says, come on, let's have a clap for
(53:16):
gay and let me tell you something. This fella tries
to kiss me all the time. And he points at
Sean and we just see Sean's wife out in the
audience kind of like open mouths doing a sort of
like excuse me what, And Sean doesn't actually argue, He
(53:36):
doesn't try and say like what, no, I don't or
like oh, he's kidding, he's kidding. He just laughs and
like looks a little bit abashed. So part of me
was sort of like, look, we're not around them all
the time. Maybe he does try and kiss him all
the time. I wouldn't know, I don't you know. But
(53:58):
he says, I'm not the only grand Marshal of this
gay parade. And then of course Nandor's not here. We
get Naja coming up and doing her creepy fucking thing,
and and then eventually Nandor crash lands and they have
to kind of cause a distraction and just be like,
(54:18):
h so, who's ready for a parade? Yeah, let's go everybody.
And so we see them all out with their floats
and Guillermo has a sign that just says gay guy
with a bunch of like rainbow heart stickers just at
(54:42):
random around it. The most feeble thing you've ever seen.
He looks miserable. He's just got his chin sort of
leaning on the edge of the like foam board because
I think that's what it is. And there's you know,
he's just fucking like ah, okay, camera goes away. We
(55:02):
see everybody else dancing and they're playing its raining men
and then the camera comes back to Guillermo and he's
sort of pursing his lips in a little bit of
like a all right, well, you know actually, and then
all of a sudden, he raises his little sparkler that
he's got going and starts to like really dance and
(55:25):
get into it. And I fucking loved that ending so much,
you guys, it may be so happy. It was just
so it was just happy, and you just we don't
get to see Giermo happy. He's like every episode tends
to end with him being the loser somehow, and even
(55:46):
though things don't really like work out in this episode
in terms of him becoming fully vampire or anything, they
don't go terribly for him. And then he gets his
little moment of like, yeah, you know what, I'm just
like listening to music and I have pride and I'm
in a parade, you know what. Fucking yeah, And I
just really enjoyed that ending. I thought it was super sweet.
(56:07):
So yeah, I'm trying to think if there's anything else.
I already talked about the fucking post credits and how
incredibly creepy it is. I forgot too that while Laslow
is railing them he's wearing those like weird goggles and
has his burnt face and just the whole thing looks
absolutely freakish, especially because like the nag doll is sitting
(56:29):
on his shoulder and I think she's got a crop
and is whipping him or something. So like you guys,
it's a whole lot. There's much, much, much happening in
that scene. But anyway, Yeah, I really enjoyed this one.
It was really weird, but it was high energy. It
(56:49):
just felt like it kept along in a really good clip.
You know, there have been some real duds last season,
and I'm hoping that they've just decided to pull the
stops out a little bit more this time. All Right, Well,
I'm a little undertime, but I feel like with these
episodes that's just kind of happening. You know. I have
my days where I go off on a particular tangent,
but I haven't had enough tangents this time. So I'll
(57:12):
come locked and loaded for a real tangent next episode.
I promise, thank you again. Until then, to Loo motherfuckers.
(57:49):
That was an Unspoiled Network podcast
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