July 18, 2023 • 53 mins
Thank you very much to Max for commissioning this episode!
We're getting the opening of the vampire nightclub, now named Nadja's, a lot sooner than I was expecting, and there's actually a lot in its design that I approve of! But of course we've got some really big obstacles to overcome. The main thing is we've got an opening act that seems to be on the rocks, and just when it seems things will go right...they go wrong again.
Thanks so much for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!
We're getting the opening of the vampire nightclub, now named Nadja's, a lot sooner than I was expecting, and there's actually a lot in its design that I approve of! But of course we've got some really big obstacles to overcome. The main thing is we've got an opening act that seems to be on the rocks, and just when it seems things will go right...they go wrong again.
Thanks so much for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
This is an Unspoiled Network podcast.This is spoil Me covering what we do
in The Shadows Season four, episodethree, the Grand Opening. In this
episode, we meet a new vampireand we find out about what they think
(00:25):
of entertainment types, which is reallyinteresting and I am enjoying greatly the dynamic
between Laslow and Guillermo as as itpertains to Baby Colin. Welcome to spoil
Me, Welcome to the show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you very
(01:03):
much to Max for commissioning this episode. This is a really, really fun
one. I knew that the actualclub stuff was going to be a good
time. I do wish, though, that we had gotten to see more
of what went into the designing ofthe club, because it's pretty like happening.
When we see the inside of it, I was like impressed, and
(01:27):
I want, you know, I'mcertain nobody gives a ship of me,
so to a point, I'm like, I get it, I get it.
It's not what anyone else is intoand why would they. But for
my own reasons, I'm just like, oh, I would have liked to
see this. We start off rightaway with Najet in her get up that
(01:51):
she is wearing to the opening night, and she is stoked by the way,
because there is a pretty long line, Like she is not wrong about
that there's a lot of people here. That was my main concern was that
like nobody was going to show up. But I should have realized that with
these guys, anytime they like fuckup, it's much more public, you
(02:13):
know, So it would make sensethat if it didn't go well, it
was going to turn out to bein front of everybody. And I'm sorry
if you can hear that creaking,that's my old ass headphones. But yeah,
her outfit is giving me Lady Gagaa little bit of less daring though,
if if I'm being honest. Soshe's got like a black lace up
(02:38):
dress, a regular floor length dress. It's not like modern in any sense.
The outer portion is a lot moremodern. She's got a red puff
sleeved like floor length sort of duster. I guess, I don't want to
(03:00):
call it a jacket exactly, butI guess it is. And she has
red gloves that go up to meetthe sleeves so that it's all one long
piece because they're the exact same shadeof red, so it looks like,
you know, all one piece ofcloth and then she has like black nails
(03:22):
glued to the exterior of the gloves, which is a kind that's a look
that I actually really enjoy And Iknow that, like, it doesn't really
hold up to any real scrutiny whenyou look at it. It's just a
strange thing. But I've always kindof liked it as a style choice.
There's something about it that I findreally pulls it together somehow. And it
(03:46):
can be done wrong, don't youknow, Like, but I really really
liked this. So she has thethis puff sleeve thing and it's got like
a upped collar and there's a sortof like cape back to it. But
then right around the waist it comesin cinched with like a gold sparkly belt,
(04:12):
and she also has gold sparkly eyeshadow, and she has two excuse me,
sorry, she has two sparkly redtop hats. It took me a
moment to quite clock the fact thatshe's got to And I really really like
this. I don't know, well, like it's just too it just it's
(04:36):
better. It's just better, andI approve and I like it. So
that's her look. She's really goingfor it. She's in the line,
going and greeting everybody, telling folkshow great they look, excited to see
people, and then she announces thatRichie Suck is going to be here,
(04:58):
and she explains means that he isthe greatest vampire rap artist of all time,
and we get to see some reallyawesome photos of him, like with
his fans and on stage and whatnot, and everyone knows Throat Juice gonna bust
loose on the club roof, suckingThroat Juice. It's like it's great goose,
(05:27):
genuinely delightful. And she says thathe hasn't performed or put out any
music for ten years, which wefind out what's going on with that.
So this is his first live performancein a decade and just a major get
you know, like a huge,huge deal, and she is so you
(05:51):
guys. I really was glad thatdespite the fact that things go pretty badly
wrong for a bit at the end, and it feels as if we get
a sort of happy ending for Nanja. Anyway, I was really worried she's
so proud and excited at the beginningof this episode that it was just going
(06:13):
to crash and burn immediately. AndI have no doubt that. Because these
vampires are mostly losers, things arestill going to go wrong and maybe ultimately
it will close. But at thistime we're still going and it seems like
Opening Night wound up being weirdly asuccess after all, despite itself. So
I'm going to just hope that thisis what we're gonna continue on with.
(06:39):
So what we've got is her tryingto build anticipation in the crowd by making
everybody wait for another hour or two. I genuinely I really want to know
(07:01):
where, where where did you getthis information? Naja, whose idea was
it to go and make everybody waitthat long and grant it their vampires?
So maybe their concept of time isslightly different, but from what I have
seen, I do not get theimpression they're particularly patient. And she gets
(07:28):
everybody hyped like she's about to letthem into the club and then tells them
that you're still going to have towait, and just immediately everybody is just
kind of like, oh, comeon, And it doesn't seem like she
looks at the camera and sort ofgrimaces when she realizes the reaction everybody's having.
(07:51):
But I'm like, yeah, yousee the reaction, you see that
it's not good. Why would younot change your approach? And I would
leave. I'm just I would definitelyleave. So she goes inside and this
is when we get our first glimpseall of there's like some beds and things
(08:16):
like off to the sides. Whenyou first walk in, it's like flanked
by two looks like king beds.We've got lots of standing cocktail tables that
are lit up from the inside,a couple of signs that say Naja is
pretty well designed signs. And thisis sort of like it feels the ante
room, like all of these tablesand stuff. There's places seems to be
(08:39):
divided into two sections, and we'vegot like the sort of what I would
imagine is like the lower key maybelike sexy section, the sex and then
we have the dancing area, andthat is the spot with the bar and
a lot of lighting. And thisis the com station that she has with
(09:01):
Nandor and you guys there there's thisreally bad, dumb joke that keeps being
played here, and I'm like apart of me is just like, oh
do I like this is it?It's not it's not actually funny, but
it's almost like the fact that it'snot funny is what kind of makes it
funny after all, if you getwhat I mean. Um, So,
(09:24):
Nandor is down in the dumps andhe says that he his wife is upstairs,
that he's giving her some space,and he says that I have used
the gin to make her even moreperfect. He says, you should see
the modifications we've done to her.Ass and she says ass. But but
(09:48):
whatever you want to call it,it's now perfect. The problem is and
Naja keeps saying but, and he'slike, but asked what? And this
is a joke that comes up alittle bit later. He almost said something
about irony, and he's like,not iron gold, keep up. Oh
(10:11):
my god. So it's so bad, you guys, it's so bad.
It's just it's very bad. Hesays. I am just worried that I
am not perfect enough for her.And I just says, well, it's
not too late to do some modificationsto yourself to make you more perfect and
(10:33):
worthy of her love. And hesays, oh my god, that's a
really good point. And I knew. I was, like, what she
means is that you could do somethingto enhance your appearance, perhaps like no
immediately immediately what he goes for ispenis enlargement. We'll be there in a
(10:56):
moment. At this time, EvilMabel, who has amazingly permed hair for
the evening, gets a note thatRichie Shut, Richie Suck is canceling,
and so the two of them makean emergency trip to his loft. I
guess if you want to call it, it's a smokestack that he lives inside.
(11:18):
And when they get to the doorand knock, his familiar answers and
doesn't even want to let him inor let them in, and he's got
something set up here, almost likeit's a speakeasy with a little one of
those little like slots that you likeopen and you can only just see out
(11:39):
of. But eventually Richie calls out, come in, and they have to
come in. His familiar is veryirritated. His familiar is played by Fred
Armison. I think is his namecharacter like or an actor that I have.
(12:00):
I've really enjoyed some of his work, some of it has been extremely
unfunny, and then I have sincefound out that he himself is actually kind
of a huge creep, which isa major bummer. So just do with
that. What you will, butI just thought I would mention it,
and yeah, he is just takingcontrol of Ritchie and it's a really this
(12:28):
is reminding me of the Idols.Those of you who are not in the
know. It's a show that HBOhas put out. It has been mercilessly
panned by like everybody who has seenit. And it makes sense because before
the show ever aired, I sawan article about the way that the show
(12:52):
was rewritten halfway through the season.Originally it had a different showrunner and it
was a woman, and they hadlike all of these restrictions about how much
time she had and what her budgetwas that were very aggressively enforced to a
point that it felt like she wasbeing set up to fail. And then
when things started to really go leftthe Weekend showed up because he was being
(13:16):
cast, but he wanted to reallyassert his ideas and she wasn't wanting to
do what he was suggesting, andthey wound up basically being like, well,
if you don't want to do whathe's saying, then you can just
find another job, and she waslike bet and she did leave. And
then the showrunner that came on forit was the one who did euphoria,
and apparently him and The Weekend bothrewrote huge chunks of the script to make
(13:41):
it. It had been originally astory that was about a woman who was
exploited finding her place and being empoweredand learning to like draw a line and
boundaries, and they did away withall of that and really just made it
about how she's being exploited. Shelikes it, and everybody who was interviewed
(14:05):
about it was just like, yeah, it's super gross now and if I
could have left, I would have, but I didn't have another job lined
up, and I had to dowhat I had to do. It is
extremely misogynistic and just really like malegazing now in a way that it wasn't
before. The script had been extremelycompelling, and now there are parts of
it that feel like a parody ofitself. And that's what I have heard
(14:28):
it is actually, So that's whatthe idols about, just those of you
who are interested. So this isjust giving me that vibe because that she's
sort of being like managed by someonewho's essentially the leader of a cult,
really, and this dude is noton that level, but he is like
(14:50):
definitely controlling Richie. He has eatenaway at Richie's self confidence. When rich
when they're talking to Richie about likewhy are you letting Tom talk to you
like this, he says, Tomprotects me from myself, so you need
to be respectful. And I loveNaja's reaction. She's just so grossed out
(15:13):
the whole idea that she would showthis guy respect. And he keeps insisting
on being called doctor Tom. He'sgot this like backward golf cap and like
a patterned shirt with like another patternedshirt over it. It's really a look.
(15:35):
It's it's definitely giving somebody who's tryingextremely hard to seem like on trend,
and it feels sort of sad,you know, like, and this
dude is the reason we wind upfinding out that Richie Ritchie. I just
can't get over the name. Thatthe fact that his name is Richie,
(15:56):
it just doesn't feel right. Thereason that he has gone into seclusion and
hasn't made any more music. Andwhat he had been going to do was
like come out and play music.That was with Tom's jazz band. That
was like what he was working on, and thank god he doesn't do that,
but it almost is worse what hedoes do. So let's just jump
(16:19):
over here to baby Colin. Hehas got a YouTube channel, Colin Knowles.
I don't think I ever knew thatwas his last name. If it
is two subscribers, very exciting,and he is showing off this like village
from Infinity Wars that he made.You guys, this is just honestly adorable.
(16:47):
I know that it's so lame,and I don't care. It's just
so it's cool, right, Andwe jump back and forth between him and
showing this off and Guillermo talking abouthow fast Colin is growing and that he
like outgrows his shoes between breakfast andlunch, and Laslow walks in on this
(17:10):
film that's you know, that he'smaking for his YouTube and goes over to
Garmo and it's just like, whatthe fuck is this? And Garmo was
like, why are you accusing me? I didn't do anything. He's just
doing this because he enjoys it.And Laslo's like, I want him to
be interesting. I grow up,like, you know, interested in fine
(17:34):
art and in culture. What isthis boring bullshit? And Garamo says this
isn't like boring to him. He'sa kid. He likes legos and roadblocks
and nerf guns and muse you guys, this was so great because you if
(17:57):
you've listened to my show, Imentioned on pretty much all of them how
much I hate musical theater. Andthis is not me trying to be like
Edgy, because I went to schoolfor musical theater, which is how I
discovered that I don't like it.I thought I liked it because when I
(18:22):
was in high school, I performedin a couple of shows and I had
a really good time. Looking back, I realized I just liked one performing
at all, being the center ofattention, big fan. But also I
really enjoyed the like flirting and partiesand like sort of really like fake friendships
(18:47):
that develop. I say fake inasmuchas any friendships that you develop in high
school or fake, you know whatI'm saying. I'm not. That's not
to say that all friendships are,but like when you are in high school,
you become friends with people out ofnecessity a lot of the time because
there's just so many people to pickfrom and you've got to have some friends,
so you just go with the folksthat you can like stomach, you
(19:07):
know, And that was what Iliked and the actual scripts were so bad.
The music was often bad or likeat least just corny. And as
I thought that, the more Igot to know musical theater, I would
find like gems and that's they're outthere, but they're like really difficult and
(19:33):
not something that I was always likeup to doing. I'm not a great
dancer, and I just started torealize more and more like what I'm going
to be up to doing are theshows I don't like that are really problematic
or just toothachingly sweet. And Ireally had like a crisis where I was
like, well, what do Ido because I was kind of putting all
(19:56):
my eggs in the performance basket,and when I realized like, this isn't
for me. Actually, podcasts werenot yet a thing. Now I'm very
happy with what I'm doing and feelinglike, yeah, this is it,
But I didn't have this even asan option for quite a while after leaving
(20:18):
school. So oh, Martin says, my sister used to be a techie
working behind the scenes in high school. She loved it. I did tech
too. I went to Carnie Mellonfor tech before I switched to musical theater.
Actually, and yeah, tech stuff. God, that's another one.
Tech is like, there goes acareer that They're like, either this becomes
(20:38):
your entire life for eighty hours aweek or you aren't serious about it.
And I was like, I guessI'm not. Thank you goodbye, and
Laslow picks up on the fact thathe starts to say, what was that?
Okay? He really loves musical theater, and Aslow is like, oh
(21:00):
my god, and maybe it's goodfor him. It's art, no different
than literature or the cinema. It'snot like any other art. Musical theater
is the lowest of all entertainments.It's gutter pantomime performed by halfwits with painted
(21:23):
faces, enjoyed by lower wits.You guys, guys, I'm so sorry,
but like, mostly, mostly,mostly, mostly, I do agree
with this. There are exceptions.There are a few exceptions Blake and of
(21:44):
course Gammo maybe some. But haveyou seen Rent from you? Not a
penny? Rent sucks. Just sayingthe one show that I will say,
has, if anything, gotten better. I don't know how many folks out
(22:07):
there have not already watched Steven Spielberg'srendition of West Side Story, but it
is pure brilliance. The only problemis the leading man, who is not
only a creep but not a greatactor and sort of drags things down when
he's on screen, but thankfully he'sn'ta lot, and even when he is,
(22:33):
other people are. It seems likethey knew he was a bit of
a liability, and they focus onothers as much as they can. But
the performances are unbelievable, and thechange in interpretation in some of the numbers
are just there's a couple of things. I'm so sorry, I'm no,
(22:56):
I'm deviating here, which is reallyreally quick because I love so much and
I didn't expect to. I wasalready excited for the redo because the original
West Side story is a bunch ofwhite people wearing orange makeup pretending to be
Spanish and it's super offensive and grossand it's just like always bumming out.
But in this they have them speakingSpanish frequently, no subtitles. They're just
(23:17):
basically like if you know, youknow, if you don't sorry, which
I kind of admire. And thenthere's the scene stay you know, stay
cool boy. They have that songlike the set piece for it is that
they are fighting over the gun insuch a way that it is a lot
(23:41):
more understandable where the tension is comingfrom, because they're like each about to
grab it from one another, andthey're in the building that's like teetering and
ready to collapse at any minute,and it's just so well done. And
I was watching it with my mouthhanging open, like this is such a
great idea. And then Officer Krupkey. If you're not going to watch the
(24:03):
New West Side Story and its entirety, the only thing that I can urge
is that you go to YouTube andfind the new Officer Krupkey, because that
is a number that in the originalit was really played for laughs, and
he has it filled with rage andit's funny in a oh that's so true,
(24:32):
but like these kids are fed upand angry, and the whole number
it feels like they're getting more andmore worked up, ready to just unleash
on somebody and beat the hell outof them. And there's a part where
they're just like supposed to be jokingaround, smacking each other in the face
and they're going like a little toohard and you're kind of like, oh
(24:56):
God, but none of them islike mad at the other because they all
seem to know where they're coming from, and they destroy the room that they
were in. It's so good,you guys, Like I'm just getting chills
thinking about it. It's one ofthe best updates to anything that I have
watched. And granted I haven't watcheda lot because I don't like a lot,
but I really really recommend it,so anyway, I oh, god,
(25:19):
you guys, it's so good.It's so good. So Garma is
trying to say, this is whohe is. You've got to learn to
accept it. And as he eitherfighting about this, Colin comes into the
room or comes around the corner reallybecause they're kind of in the hall outside
(25:40):
the room, and both him andGuarma will have to, like luas Loan
and Garama have to sort of straightenup and act cool. And this is
like, it's really fun because Gammais playing the part of the mom who
loves her kid no matter what andis attempting to get the father who has
a very specific idea of what thiskid should be into on board with the
(26:03):
fact that maybe your kid isn't justgoing to be a reflection of everything that
you personally would like him to be. And I just really loved the way
that Kuiarmo like stands with his handson his hips and like the expression on
his face and he's like, whata star. He's just doing a really
(26:23):
good job of like imitating the momsthat go a bit too hard with the
supporting their child thing, you know, Like it's almost gooey the way that
he's acting. It's very good.I just really liked it. And we
jump ahead to Laslow with his footbraced against the edge of a skylight and
(26:51):
he's cut Colin on a rope andhe's lowering him down into a museum.
And I love this particular joke.I don't know, you know, I
have to imagine this is like awriter who decided that he was going to
(27:11):
include something from his own life.But what Colin keeps saying is, hey
guess what, over and over againto preface his sentences. Y'all, I
have been around very few children inmy life since growing up. But the
(27:33):
hey guess what is such a realthing. I don't know what it is,
but they do genuinely start every sentencethis way, as if they're gonna
supprise when they're just trying to tellyou any Like it's just the way that
Laslow reacts, it's so understandable tome, and I saw reflect did in
(28:00):
him when he kind of snaps,and it's just like, just say,
what the fuck you're gonna say?Colin like shuts down and goes, oh,
okay, I'm sorry, and immediatelyLaslow crumples and feels like such an
asshole. And this is just howI feel with the dogs. I yell
at them because they did something,but then they look up at me with
their smiley dog faces, and allof a sudden, I feel like a
(28:23):
monster for yelling at them. Likethere's been a couple exceptions where what they
have done has been egregious enough thatI'm like, no, no, no,
no, you're not guilty me.You deserve to be yelled at right
now. But mostly I find myselfcompletely like turning into a soft ball of
(28:45):
clay that they can mold as theylike. And he's talking about Knowling,
which I guess that's I didn't realizethat, but that's his name is Colin
Knowl on his YouTube, so Iguess that's a reference to this thing.
I don't even think he ever getsto fully explain what it is that he's
like talking about though. But soLazo has this like powder that he sprays
(29:11):
into the air to show where thelasers are. He does this like elaborate
dance to go through the lasers,which I really like the fact that a
lot of the lasers are not evenexactly where he's like jumping because they were
added with CGI after right, I'massuming, and so they just put them
wherever and have him doing these ridiculousthings don't really need to be done.
(29:37):
So when I got the stranger things, Lego said, I used it to
make them library and the music man, which is, boy, we don't
we don't have time for this rightnow. Okay, but Lazo guess what.
So this is when he basically snapshe's got the knife in his hand.
You know, he's about to cutthrough the glass and get this statue
out. It looks like it's avenu of Willendorf or something. The set
(30:02):
broke, so I shoved all thepieces under the bed. Okay, fair
enough, now can we continue withthe crime? And he starts to be
like yeah, sure, and thenjust walk straight through the lasers and Laslow
is like motherfucker as the alarm goesoff and grabs him and just flies up
(30:22):
back through the skylight. And yeah, you know, this is what happens
when you have a kid that isn'tinterested in the thing that you want.
You can do all these things tomake it look exciting. It's just not
going to happen there, you know, Like I am like this and I'm
a grown ass woman. A kidjust they got better things to do,
(30:45):
man, they do they just do. So what Nandor has decided, He
says, I'm going to do somework on myself. Guillermo thinks being more
present and being a better listener,and Nandor is like, are you fucking
kidding me? No, I wishto have the world's biggest penis. Now.
(31:07):
He is saying this to the Gin, who immediately starts to be like,
your wish is my command. ButGiamo jumps in and is like,
hey, so here's the thing.Gin's like to be a little bit tricky,
And it is certainly possible that hewill do something fucked up and technically
(31:34):
fulfiliar wish, but it will notbe what you wanted or intended, and
he will know that, but he'sgonna do it anyway. And this I
was talking about this in the lastepisode how every one of us, I
think, has fantasized about, likeif we had a gin, how we
(32:00):
would phrase the things that we're askingfor so that there could be no like
screwing us over. And so itwas kind of fun to see the myriad
of ways that they decide to handlethis year, because they are really really
cautious thanks to Guillermo, who isreally imaginative in all of the different ways
(32:22):
that this guy could potentially take thisspecifics of what they're asking for and like
find a loophole in it. AndI really like that it replaces my current
penis and not be an additional oneor an extra penis attached to the end
(32:43):
of the one that I currently own. And eventually he's like, okay,
we really need to be writing thisstuff down, so they go to do
that, and then we jump backover to Naja and she is trying to
give a blood pack to Ritchie inlike as a token, and his fucking
familiar takes it and says, he'snot hungry, that's in your mind.
(33:07):
It's just a little sip. It'snot feeding time, and both Naja and
Evil Mabel are outside going okay,yeah, we're definitely going to need to
kill him. This is truly upsetting, Like the fact that this is happening
(33:28):
is so gross, And I reallylike Evil Mabel being on Naja's side,
Like them being at odds with eachother is fun as well, but I
enjoy both of them being just ashorrified by this, and when one hundred
percent backing each other with oh yeah, this guy's dad for sure, like
(33:52):
that's got to happen. We'll waituntil after the show because we don't want
to fuck that up. But oneand this, I gonna jump back to
Garmo and the things that they aresaying. It should be in the usual
(34:15):
place between the legs and not ina separate container such as a jar or
a briefcase, and not on mychin. The chin is writing everything down
and they have talking head moment andhe's like, well, you know,
I do go through this a lot, but I haven't ever dealt with two
(34:37):
people who are this detail oriented andwhat they are doing is correct, but
it's very annoying. And just thefact that he says what they're doing is
correct. I really like the factthat he can admit that and sort of
(35:01):
seems to respect it. But it'sjust like, oh, man, I
just want to get this done.Can we just I want to get home,
you know, So Guillermo again,he keeps like stepping in when it
seems almost as if we're finally done, and there's a moment and I was
(35:22):
like, so glad that not Guermo, that Nandor like notices this. Later
in the moment. I noticed it, and I was like, no,
but it was too late. Butpretty quickly it seems like it occurs to
him. So he's about to dothe thing, and Guillermo says, you
(35:45):
can't give him the world's largest penisby making everyone else is smaller. And
the chin genuinely looks so bummed out, and he leans back and just says,
shit, I mean, well done. I was moments away from giving
every man in the world butt Nandoormicro wang, and he seems to really
(36:07):
mean it. I thought maybe hewas fucking with them. I think he
means it. Nandor. Why wouldyou do such a thing. Oh,
it's just part of the job,I guess. I teach lessons about greed,
desires, etc. By fucking withthe wishes of my so called masters.
But you two have bested me.You're familiar has a very shrewd and
(36:30):
incisive mind when it comes to thepenis stuff. So I think he maybe
is just I think, trying toget them off guard by flattering them that
they're out of danger of making amistake, like that they overlooked something.
(36:52):
Because this is when Nandor says,thank you, Guihermo, I appreciate all
your help, and every time Imight use my new big dick, I
will think of you and all you'vedone for me. This is your wish,
this is my wish. And Iwas like, no, too late,
(37:14):
wish granted, and Nandor stands upand unzips and looks at it.
Apparently it's only twenty percent larger thanwhat he used to have, and the
Gin's expresses some surprise that he wantedto go any larger at all, because
he really was like that seemed sufficient. I don't, I don't know,
(37:37):
but okay. Nandor seems extremely happywith it. And then he goes down
to the club and he says,oh, Guillermo, I wish that every
time I use my dick, Iwill think about you. That's what he
(38:00):
did. That's how we fit thelike little trick in there, and I
am super interested to see how thiswinds up working out, because that's going
to be a bummer, And like, what does that mean? Is this
going to turn into like inadvertently asexual attraction due to this? You know
what I mean? Like, Idon't know. I don't even know if
(38:21):
that's what like Giermo wants. ButI was so heartbroken because it felt like
they almost got away with it.So we go to the club and I
love the fact that Tom's friends areThey're playing the jazz without him on the
(38:42):
stage. He's like with Ritchie andeverybody is getting very impatient. Somebody throws
a glass at them, and it'slike unclear to me whether his friends are
aware this is a vampire club.I don't know what they're thinking otherwise,
but they seem a little bit nervousabout the situation and are sort of looking
over at him, like what's what'sgoing on? Dude? What do we
(39:04):
do? And he comes out onstage and oh, you guys, I'm
so sorry. I just realized whenNander tells Guillermo that I thought it was
because it had just occurred to him. I didn't realize I somehow missed it
(39:27):
that he is here with his wifeand she's telling him it's perfectly normal.
He doesn't know because he figured itout. He knows because he just tried
to use it and it immediately.Oh no, oh that sucks. Oh
(39:52):
that's too bad. So apparently hecouldn't keep it up. That's such a
shame because it's not even like whenyou fuck, it's every time you use
it, which would also mean masturbation. That's really limiting. Oh boy,
(40:14):
oh boy. Well, so thisis when Naja introduces Richie Suck and he
comes out on stage. He's wearinglike this really great outfit. He's got
this hoodie, like sleeveless hoodie on, but he also has this white fur
(40:36):
like it's like a I don't evenknow what to call it. It's not
exactly a scarf. It's like ashawl, but it looks so dope.
Honestly, I really like this wholelook. And he comes outside and says,
before I start the show, Iwant to bring out a man who's
been a really important part of that. And he's like thanking Tom and then
starts talking about the collaborative music butthat he isn't going to do it after
(41:00):
all, and Tom begins to interruptand he grabs Tom and throws him into
the crowd and begins chanting eat thatbitch, which, considering the gamma,
had just been going whoo familiars inthe audience. When the camera goes back
(41:22):
to him, he's kind of gothis hands like under his armpits and looking
a little bit flipped out, becauseyeah, sort of could become a feeding
frenzy that goes after you as well, so watch out for that. So
Richie then starts to be like,do you want to hear some new material
that you've never heard before? Andhe says, I'm going to do some
(41:45):
observational comedy, and everyone's like,what have you ever been flying around as
a bat? And you get hitby a drone? And nobody is like
responding to any of his jokes.It's like they're I was sort of thinking,
what if it works, What ifhis observation because it's about vampires specifically,
(42:09):
maybe they'll be into it after alland it'll be like really offbeat for
what he normally does, but it'llstill work. No, it does not.
Somebody actually asks for the jazz back, which I was like, that's
particularly bad. And finally things beginto really devolve. Some folks are climbing
(42:37):
up on the stage throwing things,and one of them like slams into Naja
and throws her down into the crowd. And finally, all of a sudden,
Colin Robinson climbs on the stage.Now apparently he's wearing tap shoes.
I don't know where he found them. It does not matter, We're just
(42:58):
gonna roll with it. But hebegins doing a tap number and is singing
a song and he tells us whereit's from but I don't remember, and
the jazz guys are picking up.Oh, here it is from the nineteen
thirty six movie musical Born to Dance, And they are playing along with him,
(43:19):
and he is doing like a wholelittle literal song and dance, and
I'm like, they're way more intothis than I would expect. And then
we go to Naja as a talkinghead. Vampires have always loved child novelty
acts. I mean, who knowswhy. Some say they're transfixed by the
(43:40):
youth and innocence they themselves lost longago. Others just love how creepy and
exploititive it is. Oh god,that's such a good line. But yeah,
she's basically like, he's saving mybusiness, so that's great. I
(44:01):
am not mad about it, andwe like spend the rest of the episode
with the crowd like mollified by this, but nobody I saw Richie. He's
in the crowd, just applauding,and I was sort of wondering if he
(44:21):
was going to jump back up anddecide to perform. After all, it
seems like maybe he's kind of donewith that part of his life. I
don't know. Maybe now we'll see, but I I really I haven't mentioned
it again up to this episode,but like the fucking CGI that they're doing
on Colin to get his face onthis kid's body is so bad, you
(44:44):
guys, And I really think that'spart of the point, like they're doing
that on purpose. But oh mygod, I really found it like upsetting.
There's like more than one spot whereI was just like, oh god,
that looks weird. At one point, Lazlows lock him in a dumpster
and says he can't come out untilhe's killed at least six rats. But
(45:06):
when he opens the dumpster, Colin'sjust got a bunch of rats crawling like
right beside him and is talking aboutsome other like play bill that he found
for a musical that somebody threw away. And so what it looks like we're
doing is Colin used to be boringin a very specific way, and it
(45:30):
was a very like office sort ofenergy. He was a bureaucrat. He
liked, you know, everything tobe basic as possible, and now we're
doing like just a different type ofbasic. I am extremely curious what else
(45:51):
we're gonna get out of Baby Colin. He's gonna be draining still apparently,
but in a way that is differentthen he was. And there's a lot
of possibilities for this, Like I'mkind of looking forward to it. So
who knows. And as far aslike Naja's Club is this, I can't
(46:19):
tell. I think that Martin isstill in the chat. Martin, I
didn't even see this. I'm sosorry, he said. Baby Colin's verbal
tick reminded me of my little cousins, never shutting up. Oh, big,
big mood. I find it hilarioushow Guillermo and Nandora's subplot basically morphs
into a parody of courtroom dramas.I didn't even think of that, but
I like that. But Martin,is this the last season of the show.
(46:45):
Did they say that this was goingto be the final season. I
can't remember if that was ever specificallymentioned or not. Because what I'm like,
I would like, if we're goingto get our druthers here, is
for this to be the way thatour crew like kind of wraps like we
(47:08):
do, have them staying with thenightclub as they're like source of income and
this being a thing that is theirsort of stamp on the city, the
way that they made a name forthemselves finally, you know, because they
have just not succeeded at anything,and as much as the joke is that
they're losers and they just constantly lose, I wouldn't mind a little bit of
(47:34):
a success, even if there issomething kind of JANKI about it. And
oh okay, Martin says season fivewill start airy in August this year,
if I recall correctly, Wow soon. God damn, I didn't know they
were getting yet another season. I'mgenuinely surprised. I'm not mad about it,
(47:57):
like I, you guys know,this feels like a d well there's
so much you could do, butyeah, I just like, I feel
like, if we're getting another season, then the club is destined to probably
fail because we have to have anotherthing, but the club could also just
become a backdrop for lots of othershenanigans, you know. I don't know.
(48:19):
I just it really depends on theway the writers want to do things,
because it seems like mostly what weget is them attempting stuff and then
like falling on their faces and eventuallyleaving that behind him trying a new thing.
I don't know if they if theydecide to do that with this,
(48:40):
I think I'll be like a littledisappointed because just the whole concept of opening
a nightclub is just a thing thatI would love to do in theory,
not in practice at all. Don'tget me wrong, I know what that
would mean, and no thank you, but I would just kind of like
it. Also, if naj likehad her thing that she got to do,
she's getting to do it, butI would like for her to have,
(49:01):
you know, a real chance,get a real shot at it.
So all right, well I'm alittle early, I'm a little bit short
on this episode, but I genuinelydid talk about everything that happens, So,
oh, you know what, theone thing is that I want to
mention though, and I was goingto talk about this earlier and I sort
of cut myself off. But thefact that Nandor thinks that doing the penis
(49:27):
enlargement thing is the way to go, You guys, I can't emphasize enough
how much less important penis size isto women than men think it is.
It's you know, I'm not tryingto say it's not important at all,
(49:47):
because I have slept with a guywho really had nothing going on, and
it was kind of tough because hedidn't seem to know that he didn't and
so I was not feeling much.But other than that one particular exception,
I've slept with lots of duds whohave just totally average dicks, and that's
(50:09):
plenty. It's fine. Like dudesare talking about, oh, I'm inches,
so who cares. The average woman'svagina is only like five inches deep,
So if you've got more than that, what good is that? That's
not doing anything for me. Andhonestly, if you are shorter and you
(50:36):
are able to like grind your pelvisagainst the clip when you're in, that's
better than like only being able togo with like a few extra inches to
spare. And they're being all thislike dead space. So I'm just saying
it's really not the thing. LikeI think something like seventy percent of women
(50:57):
don't orgasm through P and V sexanyway. They organism through clural stimulation,
which is not accomplished necessarily by penetration. So again, it doesn't matter because
that's not how a lot of womeneven come So who cares so anyway,
(51:22):
just the fact that this time hasgone past and Nandoor is as old as
he is and he still thinks thatthis like size is going to be the
thing that makes her stay. Ijust feel like, if you haven't learned
(51:43):
by now, Nandor, that that'snot the priority. I'm wondering if you're
as good in bed as I wouldhave thought you are, because I would
have put Nandora's being pretty good inbed, and I'm starting to be like,
wow, maybe not. Actually,maybe he's just he's so like self
centered in his interactions with Guermo andeverything. But I always just assumed that
(52:06):
it was like Guiermo was a particularcase because he's a familiar. But maybe
he's just like that, which isjust disappointing. Honestly, I expected better
of you, Nandor. I wonderthis is a lot though in general,
like also about Laslow. Laslow issex obsessed. Is he good in bed?
Though genuinely can't decide. I don'tknow. I feel like I want
(52:29):
to say he has to be,but God knows there are men out there
who are sex obsessed and just stilldon't know what they're doing. So m
Martin says, I assume that noneof the vampires are actually good in bed
because of how selfish they each are. Maybe you're right, that's too bad.
(52:51):
Oh all right, well I'm goingto wrap this up, but thank
you again Max for commissioning this.Very interested in seeing where we're going.
And until next time to the Loo, motherfuckers. That was an Unspoiled Network podcast
This is an Unspoiled Network podcast.This is spoil Me covering what we do
in The Shadows Season four, episodethree, the Grand Opening. In this
episode, we meet a new vampireand we find out about what they think
(00:25):
of entertainment types, which is reallyinteresting and I am enjoying greatly the dynamic
between Laslow and Guillermo as as itpertains to Baby Colin. Welcome to spoil
Me, Welcome to the show everyone. I am Natasha. Thank you very
(01:03):
much to Max for commissioning this episode. This is a really, really fun
one. I knew that the actualclub stuff was going to be a good
time. I do wish, though, that we had gotten to see more
of what went into the designing ofthe club, because it's pretty like happening.
When we see the inside of it, I was like impressed, and
(01:27):
I want, you know, I'mcertain nobody gives a ship of me,
so to a point, I'm like, I get it, I get it.
It's not what anyone else is intoand why would they. But for
my own reasons, I'm just like, oh, I would have liked to
see this. We start off rightaway with Najet in her get up that
(01:51):
she is wearing to the opening night, and she is stoked by the way,
because there is a pretty long line, Like she is not wrong about
that there's a lot of people here. That was my main concern was that
like nobody was going to show up. But I should have realized that with
these guys, anytime they like fuckup, it's much more public, you
(02:13):
know, So it would make sensethat if it didn't go well, it
was going to turn out to bein front of everybody. And I'm sorry
if you can hear that creaking,that's my old ass headphones. But yeah,
her outfit is giving me Lady Gagaa little bit of less daring though,
if if I'm being honest. Soshe's got like a black lace up
(02:38):
dress, a regular floor length dress. It's not like modern in any sense.
The outer portion is a lot moremodern. She's got a red puff
sleeved like floor length sort of duster. I guess, I don't want to
(03:00):
call it a jacket exactly, butI guess it is. And she has
red gloves that go up to meetthe sleeves so that it's all one long
piece because they're the exact same shadeof red, so it looks like,
you know, all one piece ofcloth and then she has like black nails
(03:22):
glued to the exterior of the gloves, which is a kind that's a look
that I actually really enjoy And Iknow that, like, it doesn't really
hold up to any real scrutiny whenyou look at it. It's just a
strange thing. But I've always kindof liked it as a style choice.
There's something about it that I findreally pulls it together somehow. And it
(03:46):
can be done wrong, don't youknow, Like, but I really really
liked this. So she has thethis puff sleeve thing and it's got like
a upped collar and there's a sortof like cape back to it. But
then right around the waist it comesin cinched with like a gold sparkly belt,
(04:12):
and she also has gold sparkly eyeshadow, and she has two excuse me,
sorry, she has two sparkly redtop hats. It took me a
moment to quite clock the fact thatshe's got to And I really really like
this. I don't know, well, like it's just too it just it's
(04:36):
better. It's just better, andI approve and I like it. So
that's her look. She's really goingfor it. She's in the line,
going and greeting everybody, telling folkshow great they look, excited to see
people, and then she announces thatRichie Suck is going to be here,
(04:58):
and she explains means that he isthe greatest vampire rap artist of all time,
and we get to see some reallyawesome photos of him, like with
his fans and on stage and whatnot, and everyone knows Throat Juice gonna bust
loose on the club roof, suckingThroat Juice. It's like it's great goose,
(05:27):
genuinely delightful. And she says thathe hasn't performed or put out any
music for ten years, which wefind out what's going on with that.
So this is his first live performancein a decade and just a major get
you know, like a huge,huge deal, and she is so you
(05:51):
guys. I really was glad thatdespite the fact that things go pretty badly
wrong for a bit at the end, and it feels as if we get
a sort of happy ending for Nanja. Anyway, I was really worried she's
so proud and excited at the beginningof this episode that it was just going
(06:13):
to crash and burn immediately. AndI have no doubt that. Because these
vampires are mostly losers, things arestill going to go wrong and maybe ultimately
it will close. But at thistime we're still going and it seems like
Opening Night wound up being weirdly asuccess after all, despite itself. So
I'm going to just hope that thisis what we're gonna continue on with.
(06:39):
So what we've got is her tryingto build anticipation in the crowd by making
everybody wait for another hour or two. I genuinely I really want to know
(07:01):
where, where where did you getthis information? Naja, whose idea was
it to go and make everybody waitthat long and grant it their vampires?
So maybe their concept of time isslightly different, but from what I have
seen, I do not get theimpression they're particularly patient. And she gets
(07:28):
everybody hyped like she's about to letthem into the club and then tells them
that you're still going to have towait, and just immediately everybody is just
kind of like, oh, comeon, And it doesn't seem like she
looks at the camera and sort ofgrimaces when she realizes the reaction everybody's having.
(07:51):
But I'm like, yeah, yousee the reaction, you see that
it's not good. Why would younot change your approach? And I would
leave. I'm just I would definitelyleave. So she goes inside and this
is when we get our first glimpseall of there's like some beds and things
(08:16):
like off to the sides. Whenyou first walk in, it's like flanked
by two looks like king beds.We've got lots of standing cocktail tables that
are lit up from the inside,a couple of signs that say Naja is
pretty well designed signs. And thisis sort of like it feels the ante
room, like all of these tablesand stuff. There's places seems to be
(08:39):
divided into two sections, and we'vegot like the sort of what I would
imagine is like the lower key maybelike sexy section, the sex and then
we have the dancing area, andthat is the spot with the bar and
a lot of lighting. And thisis the com station that she has with
(09:01):
Nandor and you guys there there's thisreally bad, dumb joke that keeps being
played here, and I'm like apart of me is just like, oh
do I like this is it?It's not it's not actually funny, but
it's almost like the fact that it'snot funny is what kind of makes it
funny after all, if you getwhat I mean. Um, So,
(09:24):
Nandor is down in the dumps andhe says that he his wife is upstairs,
that he's giving her some space,and he says that I have used
the gin to make her even moreperfect. He says, you should see
the modifications we've done to her.Ass and she says ass. But but
(09:48):
whatever you want to call it,it's now perfect. The problem is and
Naja keeps saying but, and he'slike, but asked what? And this
is a joke that comes up alittle bit later. He almost said something
about irony, and he's like,not iron gold, keep up. Oh
(10:11):
my god. So it's so bad, you guys, it's so bad.
It's just it's very bad. Hesays. I am just worried that I
am not perfect enough for her.And I just says, well, it's
not too late to do some modificationsto yourself to make you more perfect and
(10:33):
worthy of her love. And hesays, oh my god, that's a
really good point. And I knew. I was, like, what she
means is that you could do somethingto enhance your appearance, perhaps like no
immediately immediately what he goes for ispenis enlargement. We'll be there in a
(10:56):
moment. At this time, EvilMabel, who has amazingly permed hair for
the evening, gets a note thatRichie Shut, Richie Suck is canceling,
and so the two of them makean emergency trip to his loft. I
guess if you want to call it, it's a smokestack that he lives inside.
(11:18):
And when they get to the doorand knock, his familiar answers and
doesn't even want to let him inor let them in, and he's got
something set up here, almost likeit's a speakeasy with a little one of
those little like slots that you likeopen and you can only just see out
(11:39):
of. But eventually Richie calls out, come in, and they have to
come in. His familiar is veryirritated. His familiar is played by Fred
Armison. I think is his namecharacter like or an actor that I have.
(12:00):
I've really enjoyed some of his work, some of it has been extremely
unfunny, and then I have sincefound out that he himself is actually kind
of a huge creep, which isa major bummer. So just do with
that. What you will, butI just thought I would mention it,
and yeah, he is just takingcontrol of Ritchie and it's a really this
(12:28):
is reminding me of the Idols.Those of you who are not in the
know. It's a show that HBOhas put out. It has been mercilessly
panned by like everybody who has seenit. And it makes sense because before
the show ever aired, I sawan article about the way that the show
(12:52):
was rewritten halfway through the season.Originally it had a different showrunner and it
was a woman, and they hadlike all of these restrictions about how much
time she had and what her budgetwas that were very aggressively enforced to a
point that it felt like she wasbeing set up to fail. And then
when things started to really go leftthe Weekend showed up because he was being
(13:16):
cast, but he wanted to reallyassert his ideas and she wasn't wanting to
do what he was suggesting, andthey wound up basically being like, well,
if you don't want to do whathe's saying, then you can just
find another job, and she waslike bet and she did leave. And
then the showrunner that came on forit was the one who did euphoria,
and apparently him and The Weekend bothrewrote huge chunks of the script to make
(13:41):
it. It had been originally astory that was about a woman who was
exploited finding her place and being empoweredand learning to like draw a line and
boundaries, and they did away withall of that and really just made it
about how she's being exploited. Shelikes it, and everybody who was interviewed
(14:05):
about it was just like, yeah, it's super gross now and if I
could have left, I would have, but I didn't have another job lined
up, and I had to dowhat I had to do. It is
extremely misogynistic and just really like malegazing now in a way that it wasn't
before. The script had been extremelycompelling, and now there are parts of
it that feel like a parody ofitself. And that's what I have heard
(14:28):
it is actually, So that's whatthe idols about, just those of you
who are interested. So this isjust giving me that vibe because that she's
sort of being like managed by someonewho's essentially the leader of a cult,
really, and this dude is noton that level, but he is like
(14:50):
definitely controlling Richie. He has eatenaway at Richie's self confidence. When rich
when they're talking to Richie about likewhy are you letting Tom talk to you
like this, he says, Tomprotects me from myself, so you need
to be respectful. And I loveNaja's reaction. She's just so grossed out
(15:13):
the whole idea that she would showthis guy respect. And he keeps insisting
on being called doctor Tom. He'sgot this like backward golf cap and like
a patterned shirt with like another patternedshirt over it. It's really a look.
(15:35):
It's it's definitely giving somebody who's tryingextremely hard to seem like on trend,
and it feels sort of sad,you know, like, and this
dude is the reason we wind upfinding out that Richie Ritchie. I just
can't get over the name. Thatthe fact that his name is Richie,
(15:56):
it just doesn't feel right. Thereason that he has gone into seclusion and
hasn't made any more music. Andwhat he had been going to do was
like come out and play music.That was with Tom's jazz band. That
was like what he was working on, and thank god he doesn't do that,
but it almost is worse what hedoes do. So let's just jump
(16:19):
over here to baby Colin. Hehas got a YouTube channel, Colin Knowles.
I don't think I ever knew thatwas his last name. If it
is two subscribers, very exciting,and he is showing off this like village
from Infinity Wars that he made.You guys, this is just honestly adorable.
(16:47):
I know that it's so lame,and I don't care. It's just
so it's cool, right, Andwe jump back and forth between him and
showing this off and Guillermo talking abouthow fast Colin is growing and that he
like outgrows his shoes between breakfast andlunch, and Laslow walks in on this
(17:10):
film that's you know, that he'smaking for his YouTube and goes over to
Garmo and it's just like, whatthe fuck is this? And Garmo was
like, why are you accusing me? I didn't do anything. He's just
doing this because he enjoys it.And Laslo's like, I want him to
be interesting. I grow up,like, you know, interested in fine
(17:34):
art and in culture. What isthis boring bullshit? And Garamo says this
isn't like boring to him. He'sa kid. He likes legos and roadblocks
and nerf guns and muse you guys, this was so great because you if
(17:57):
you've listened to my show, Imentioned on pretty much all of them how
much I hate musical theater. Andthis is not me trying to be like
Edgy, because I went to schoolfor musical theater, which is how I
discovered that I don't like it.I thought I liked it because when I
(18:22):
was in high school, I performedin a couple of shows and I had
a really good time. Looking back, I realized I just liked one performing
at all, being the center ofattention, big fan. But also I
really enjoyed the like flirting and partiesand like sort of really like fake friendships
(18:47):
that develop. I say fake inasmuchas any friendships that you develop in high
school or fake, you know whatI'm saying. I'm not. That's not
to say that all friendships are,but like when you are in high school,
you become friends with people out ofnecessity a lot of the time because
there's just so many people to pickfrom and you've got to have some friends,
so you just go with the folksthat you can like stomach, you
(19:07):
know, And that was what Iliked and the actual scripts were so bad.
The music was often bad or likeat least just corny. And as
I thought that, the more Igot to know musical theater, I would
find like gems and that's they're outthere, but they're like really difficult and
(19:33):
not something that I was always likeup to doing. I'm not a great
dancer, and I just started torealize more and more like what I'm going
to be up to doing are theshows I don't like that are really problematic
or just toothachingly sweet. And Ireally had like a crisis where I was
like, well, what do Ido because I was kind of putting all
(19:56):
my eggs in the performance basket,and when I realized like, this isn't
for me. Actually, podcasts werenot yet a thing. Now I'm very
happy with what I'm doing and feelinglike, yeah, this is it,
But I didn't have this even asan option for quite a while after leaving
(20:18):
school. So oh, Martin says, my sister used to be a techie
working behind the scenes in high school. She loved it. I did tech
too. I went to Carnie Mellonfor tech before I switched to musical theater.
Actually, and yeah, tech stuff. God, that's another one.
Tech is like, there goes acareer that They're like, either this becomes
(20:38):
your entire life for eighty hours aweek or you aren't serious about it.
And I was like, I guessI'm not. Thank you goodbye, and
Laslow picks up on the fact thathe starts to say, what was that?
Okay? He really loves musical theater, and Aslow is like, oh
(21:00):
my god, and maybe it's goodfor him. It's art, no different
than literature or the cinema. It'snot like any other art. Musical theater
is the lowest of all entertainments.It's gutter pantomime performed by halfwits with painted
(21:23):
faces, enjoyed by lower wits.You guys, guys, I'm so sorry,
but like, mostly, mostly,mostly, mostly, I do agree
with this. There are exceptions.There are a few exceptions Blake and of
(21:44):
course Gammo maybe some. But haveyou seen Rent from you? Not a
penny? Rent sucks. Just sayingthe one show that I will say,
has, if anything, gotten better. I don't know how many folks out
(22:07):
there have not already watched Steven Spielberg'srendition of West Side Story, but it
is pure brilliance. The only problemis the leading man, who is not
only a creep but not a greatactor and sort of drags things down when
he's on screen, but thankfully he'sn'ta lot, and even when he is,
(22:33):
other people are. It seems likethey knew he was a bit of
a liability, and they focus onothers as much as they can. But
the performances are unbelievable, and thechange in interpretation in some of the numbers
are just there's a couple of things. I'm so sorry, I'm no,
(22:56):
I'm deviating here, which is reallyreally quick because I love so much and
I didn't expect to. I wasalready excited for the redo because the original
West Side story is a bunch ofwhite people wearing orange makeup pretending to be
Spanish and it's super offensive and grossand it's just like always bumming out.
But in this they have them speakingSpanish frequently, no subtitles. They're just
(23:17):
basically like if you know, youknow, if you don't sorry, which
I kind of admire. And thenthere's the scene stay you know, stay
cool boy. They have that songlike the set piece for it is that
they are fighting over the gun insuch a way that it is a lot
(23:41):
more understandable where the tension is comingfrom, because they're like each about to
grab it from one another, andthey're in the building that's like teetering and
ready to collapse at any minute,and it's just so well done. And
I was watching it with my mouthhanging open, like this is such a
great idea. And then Officer Krupkey. If you're not going to watch the
(24:03):
New West Side Story and its entirety, the only thing that I can urge
is that you go to YouTube andfind the new Officer Krupkey, because that
is a number that in the originalit was really played for laughs, and
he has it filled with rage andit's funny in a oh that's so true,
(24:32):
but like these kids are fed upand angry, and the whole number
it feels like they're getting more andmore worked up, ready to just unleash
on somebody and beat the hell outof them. And there's a part where
they're just like supposed to be jokingaround, smacking each other in the face
and they're going like a little toohard and you're kind of like, oh
(24:56):
God, but none of them islike mad at the other because they all
seem to know where they're coming from, and they destroy the room that they
were in. It's so good,you guys, Like I'm just getting chills
thinking about it. It's one ofthe best updates to anything that I have
watched. And granted I haven't watcheda lot because I don't like a lot,
but I really really recommend it,so anyway, I oh, god,
(25:19):
you guys, it's so good.It's so good. So Garma is
trying to say, this is whohe is. You've got to learn to
accept it. And as he eitherfighting about this, Colin comes into the
room or comes around the corner reallybecause they're kind of in the hall outside
(25:40):
the room, and both him andGuarma will have to, like luas Loan
and Garama have to sort of straightenup and act cool. And this is
like, it's really fun because Gammais playing the part of the mom who
loves her kid no matter what andis attempting to get the father who has
a very specific idea of what thiskid should be into on board with the
(26:03):
fact that maybe your kid isn't justgoing to be a reflection of everything that
you personally would like him to be. And I just really loved the way
that Kuiarmo like stands with his handson his hips and like the expression on
his face and he's like, whata star. He's just doing a really
(26:23):
good job of like imitating the momsthat go a bit too hard with the
supporting their child thing, you know, Like it's almost gooey the way that
he's acting. It's very good.I just really liked it. And we
jump ahead to Laslow with his footbraced against the edge of a skylight and
(26:51):
he's cut Colin on a rope andhe's lowering him down into a museum.
And I love this particular joke.I don't know, you know, I
have to imagine this is like awriter who decided that he was going to
(27:11):
include something from his own life.But what Colin keeps saying is, hey
guess what, over and over againto preface his sentences. Y'all, I
have been around very few children inmy life since growing up. But the
(27:33):
hey guess what is such a realthing. I don't know what it is,
but they do genuinely start every sentencethis way, as if they're gonna
supprise when they're just trying to tellyou any Like it's just the way that
Laslow reacts, it's so understandable tome, and I saw reflect did in
(28:00):
him when he kind of snaps,and it's just like, just say,
what the fuck you're gonna say?Colin like shuts down and goes, oh,
okay, I'm sorry, and immediatelyLaslow crumples and feels like such an
asshole. And this is just howI feel with the dogs. I yell
at them because they did something,but then they look up at me with
their smiley dog faces, and allof a sudden, I feel like a
(28:23):
monster for yelling at them. Likethere's been a couple exceptions where what they
have done has been egregious enough thatI'm like, no, no, no,
no, you're not guilty me.You deserve to be yelled at right
now. But mostly I find myselfcompletely like turning into a soft ball of
(28:45):
clay that they can mold as theylike. And he's talking about Knowling,
which I guess that's I didn't realizethat, but that's his name is Colin
Knowl on his YouTube, so Iguess that's a reference to this thing.
I don't even think he ever getsto fully explain what it is that he's
like talking about though. But soLazo has this like powder that he sprays
(29:11):
into the air to show where thelasers are. He does this like elaborate
dance to go through the lasers,which I really like the fact that a
lot of the lasers are not evenexactly where he's like jumping because they were
added with CGI after right, I'massuming, and so they just put them
wherever and have him doing these ridiculousthings don't really need to be done.
(29:37):
So when I got the stranger things, Lego said, I used it to
make them library and the music man, which is, boy, we don't
we don't have time for this rightnow. Okay, but Lazo guess what.
So this is when he basically snapshe's got the knife in his hand.
You know, he's about to cutthrough the glass and get this statue
out. It looks like it's avenu of Willendorf or something. The set
(30:02):
broke, so I shoved all thepieces under the bed. Okay, fair
enough, now can we continue withthe crime? And he starts to be
like yeah, sure, and thenjust walk straight through the lasers and Laslow
is like motherfucker as the alarm goesoff and grabs him and just flies up
(30:22):
back through the skylight. And yeah, you know, this is what happens
when you have a kid that isn'tinterested in the thing that you want.
You can do all these things tomake it look exciting. It's just not
going to happen there, you know, Like I am like this and I'm
a grown ass woman. A kidjust they got better things to do,
(30:45):
man, they do they just do. So what Nandor has decided, He
says, I'm going to do somework on myself. Guillermo thinks being more
present and being a better listener,and Nandor is like, are you fucking
kidding me? No, I wishto have the world's biggest penis. Now.
(31:07):
He is saying this to the Gin, who immediately starts to be like,
your wish is my command. ButGiamo jumps in and is like,
hey, so here's the thing.Gin's like to be a little bit tricky,
And it is certainly possible that hewill do something fucked up and technically
(31:34):
fulfiliar wish, but it will notbe what you wanted or intended, and
he will know that, but he'sgonna do it anyway. And this I
was talking about this in the lastepisode how every one of us, I
think, has fantasized about, likeif we had a gin, how we
(32:00):
would phrase the things that we're askingfor so that there could be no like
screwing us over. And so itwas kind of fun to see the myriad
of ways that they decide to handlethis year, because they are really really
cautious thanks to Guillermo, who isreally imaginative in all of the different ways
(32:22):
that this guy could potentially take thisspecifics of what they're asking for and like
find a loophole in it. AndI really like that it replaces my current
penis and not be an additional oneor an extra penis attached to the end
(32:43):
of the one that I currently own. And eventually he's like, okay,
we really need to be writing thisstuff down, so they go to do
that, and then we jump backover to Naja and she is trying to
give a blood pack to Ritchie inlike as a token, and his fucking
familiar takes it and says, he'snot hungry, that's in your mind.
(33:07):
It's just a little sip. It'snot feeding time, and both Naja and
Evil Mabel are outside going okay,yeah, we're definitely going to need to
kill him. This is truly upsetting, Like the fact that this is happening
(33:28):
is so gross, And I reallylike Evil Mabel being on Naja's side,
Like them being at odds with eachother is fun as well, but I
enjoy both of them being just ashorrified by this, and when one hundred
percent backing each other with oh yeah, this guy's dad for sure, like
(33:52):
that's got to happen. We'll waituntil after the show because we don't want
to fuck that up. But oneand this, I gonna jump back to
Garmo and the things that they aresaying. It should be in the usual
(34:15):
place between the legs and not ina separate container such as a jar or
a briefcase, and not on mychin. The chin is writing everything down
and they have talking head moment andhe's like, well, you know,
I do go through this a lot, but I haven't ever dealt with two
(34:37):
people who are this detail oriented andwhat they are doing is correct, but
it's very annoying. And just thefact that he says what they're doing is
correct. I really like the factthat he can admit that and sort of
(35:01):
seems to respect it. But it'sjust like, oh, man, I
just want to get this done.Can we just I want to get home,
you know, So Guillermo again,he keeps like stepping in when it
seems almost as if we're finally done, and there's a moment and I was
(35:22):
like, so glad that not Guermo, that Nandor like notices this. Later
in the moment. I noticed it, and I was like, no,
but it was too late. Butpretty quickly it seems like it occurs to
him. So he's about to dothe thing, and Guillermo says, you
(35:45):
can't give him the world's largest penisby making everyone else is smaller. And
the chin genuinely looks so bummed out, and he leans back and just says,
shit, I mean, well done. I was moments away from giving
every man in the world butt Nandoormicro wang, and he seems to really
(36:07):
mean it. I thought maybe hewas fucking with them. I think he
means it. Nandor. Why wouldyou do such a thing. Oh,
it's just part of the job,I guess. I teach lessons about greed,
desires, etc. By fucking withthe wishes of my so called masters.
But you two have bested me.You're familiar has a very shrewd and
(36:30):
incisive mind when it comes to thepenis stuff. So I think he maybe
is just I think, trying toget them off guard by flattering them that
they're out of danger of making amistake, like that they overlooked something.
(36:52):
Because this is when Nandor says,thank you, Guihermo, I appreciate all
your help, and every time Imight use my new big dick, I
will think of you and all you'vedone for me. This is your wish,
this is my wish. And Iwas like, no, too late,
(37:14):
wish granted, and Nandor stands upand unzips and looks at it.
Apparently it's only twenty percent larger thanwhat he used to have, and the
Gin's expresses some surprise that he wantedto go any larger at all, because
he really was like that seemed sufficient. I don't, I don't know,
(37:37):
but okay. Nandor seems extremely happywith it. And then he goes down
to the club and he says,oh, Guillermo, I wish that every
time I use my dick, Iwill think about you. That's what he
(38:00):
did. That's how we fit thelike little trick in there, and I
am super interested to see how thiswinds up working out, because that's going
to be a bummer, And like, what does that mean? Is this
going to turn into like inadvertently asexual attraction due to this? You know
what I mean? Like, Idon't know. I don't even know if
(38:21):
that's what like Giermo wants. ButI was so heartbroken because it felt like
they almost got away with it.So we go to the club and I
love the fact that Tom's friends areThey're playing the jazz without him on the
(38:42):
stage. He's like with Ritchie andeverybody is getting very impatient. Somebody throws
a glass at them, and it'slike unclear to me whether his friends are
aware this is a vampire club.I don't know what they're thinking otherwise,
but they seem a little bit nervousabout the situation and are sort of looking
over at him, like what's what'sgoing on? Dude? What do we
(39:04):
do? And he comes out onstage and oh, you guys, I'm
so sorry. I just realized whenNander tells Guillermo that I thought it was
because it had just occurred to him. I didn't realize I somehow missed it
(39:27):
that he is here with his wifeand she's telling him it's perfectly normal.
He doesn't know because he figured itout. He knows because he just tried
to use it and it immediately.Oh no, oh that sucks. Oh
(39:52):
that's too bad. So apparently hecouldn't keep it up. That's such a
shame because it's not even like whenyou fuck, it's every time you use
it, which would also mean masturbation. That's really limiting. Oh boy,
(40:14):
oh boy. Well, so thisis when Naja introduces Richie Suck and he
comes out on stage. He's wearinglike this really great outfit. He's got
this hoodie, like sleeveless hoodie on, but he also has this white fur
(40:36):
like it's like a I don't evenknow what to call it. It's not
exactly a scarf. It's like ashawl, but it looks so dope.
Honestly, I really like this wholelook. And he comes outside and says,
before I start the show, Iwant to bring out a man who's
been a really important part of that. And he's like thanking Tom and then
starts talking about the collaborative music butthat he isn't going to do it after
(41:00):
all, and Tom begins to interruptand he grabs Tom and throws him into
the crowd and begins chanting eat thatbitch, which, considering the gamma,
had just been going whoo familiars inthe audience. When the camera goes back
(41:22):
to him, he's kind of gothis hands like under his armpits and looking
a little bit flipped out, becauseyeah, sort of could become a feeding
frenzy that goes after you as well, so watch out for that. So
Richie then starts to be like,do you want to hear some new material
that you've never heard before? Andhe says, I'm going to do some
(41:45):
observational comedy, and everyone's like,what have you ever been flying around as
a bat? And you get hitby a drone? And nobody is like
responding to any of his jokes.It's like they're I was sort of thinking,
what if it works, What ifhis observation because it's about vampires specifically,
(42:09):
maybe they'll be into it after alland it'll be like really offbeat for
what he normally does, but it'llstill work. No, it does not.
Somebody actually asks for the jazz back, which I was like, that's
particularly bad. And finally things beginto really devolve. Some folks are climbing
(42:37):
up on the stage throwing things,and one of them like slams into Naja
and throws her down into the crowd. And finally, all of a sudden,
Colin Robinson climbs on the stage.Now apparently he's wearing tap shoes.
I don't know where he found them. It does not matter, We're just
(42:58):
gonna roll with it. But hebegins doing a tap number and is singing
a song and he tells us whereit's from but I don't remember, and
the jazz guys are picking up.Oh, here it is from the nineteen
thirty six movie musical Born to Dance, And they are playing along with him,
(43:19):
and he is doing like a wholelittle literal song and dance, and
I'm like, they're way more intothis than I would expect. And then
we go to Naja as a talkinghead. Vampires have always loved child novelty
acts. I mean, who knowswhy. Some say they're transfixed by the
(43:40):
youth and innocence they themselves lost longago. Others just love how creepy and
exploititive it is. Oh god,that's such a good line. But yeah,
she's basically like, he's saving mybusiness, so that's great. I
(44:01):
am not mad about it, andwe like spend the rest of the episode
with the crowd like mollified by this, but nobody I saw Richie. He's
in the crowd, just applauding,and I was sort of wondering if he
(44:21):
was going to jump back up anddecide to perform. After all, it
seems like maybe he's kind of donewith that part of his life. I
don't know. Maybe now we'll see, but I I really I haven't mentioned
it again up to this episode,but like the fucking CGI that they're doing
on Colin to get his face onthis kid's body is so bad, you
(44:44):
guys, And I really think that'spart of the point, like they're doing
that on purpose. But oh mygod, I really found it like upsetting.
There's like more than one spot whereI was just like, oh god,
that looks weird. At one point, Lazlows lock him in a dumpster
and says he can't come out untilhe's killed at least six rats. But
(45:06):
when he opens the dumpster, Colin'sjust got a bunch of rats crawling like
right beside him and is talking aboutsome other like play bill that he found
for a musical that somebody threw away. And so what it looks like we're
doing is Colin used to be boringin a very specific way, and it
(45:30):
was a very like office sort ofenergy. He was a bureaucrat. He
liked, you know, everything tobe basic as possible, and now we're
doing like just a different type ofbasic. I am extremely curious what else
(45:51):
we're gonna get out of Baby Colin. He's gonna be draining still apparently,
but in a way that is differentthen he was. And there's a lot
of possibilities for this, Like I'mkind of looking forward to it. So
who knows. And as far aslike Naja's Club is this, I can't
(46:19):
tell. I think that Martin isstill in the chat. Martin, I
didn't even see this. I'm sosorry, he said. Baby Colin's verbal
tick reminded me of my little cousins, never shutting up. Oh, big,
big mood. I find it hilarioushow Guillermo and Nandora's subplot basically morphs
into a parody of courtroom dramas.I didn't even think of that, but
I like that. But Martin,is this the last season of the show.
(46:45):
Did they say that this was goingto be the final season. I
can't remember if that was ever specificallymentioned or not. Because what I'm like,
I would like, if we're goingto get our druthers here, is
for this to be the way thatour crew like kind of wraps like we
(47:08):
do, have them staying with thenightclub as they're like source of income and
this being a thing that is theirsort of stamp on the city, the
way that they made a name forthemselves finally, you know, because they
have just not succeeded at anything,and as much as the joke is that
they're losers and they just constantly lose, I wouldn't mind a little bit of
(47:34):
a success, even if there issomething kind of JANKI about it. And
oh okay, Martin says season fivewill start airy in August this year,
if I recall correctly, Wow soon. God damn, I didn't know they
were getting yet another season. I'mgenuinely surprised. I'm not mad about it,
(47:57):
like I, you guys know,this feels like a d well there's
so much you could do, butyeah, I just like, I feel
like, if we're getting another season, then the club is destined to probably
fail because we have to have anotherthing, but the club could also just
become a backdrop for lots of othershenanigans, you know. I don't know.
(48:19):
I just it really depends on theway the writers want to do things,
because it seems like mostly what weget is them attempting stuff and then
like falling on their faces and eventuallyleaving that behind him trying a new thing.
I don't know if they if theydecide to do that with this,
(48:40):
I think I'll be like a littledisappointed because just the whole concept of opening
a nightclub is just a thing thatI would love to do in theory,
not in practice at all. Don'tget me wrong, I know what that
would mean, and no thank you, but I would just kind of like
it. Also, if naj likehad her thing that she got to do,
she's getting to do it, butI would like for her to have,
(49:01):
you know, a real chance,get a real shot at it.
So all right, well I'm alittle early, I'm a little bit short
on this episode, but I genuinelydid talk about everything that happens, So,
oh, you know what, theone thing is that I want to
mention though, and I was goingto talk about this earlier and I sort
of cut myself off. But thefact that Nandor thinks that doing the penis
(49:27):
enlargement thing is the way to go, You guys, I can't emphasize enough
how much less important penis size isto women than men think it is.
It's you know, I'm not tryingto say it's not important at all,
(49:47):
because I have slept with a guywho really had nothing going on, and
it was kind of tough because hedidn't seem to know that he didn't and
so I was not feeling much.But other than that one particular exception,
I've slept with lots of duds whohave just totally average dicks, and that's
(50:09):
plenty. It's fine. Like dudesare talking about, oh, I'm inches,
so who cares. The average woman'svagina is only like five inches deep,
So if you've got more than that, what good is that? That's
not doing anything for me. Andhonestly, if you are shorter and you
(50:36):
are able to like grind your pelvisagainst the clip when you're in, that's
better than like only being able togo with like a few extra inches to
spare. And they're being all thislike dead space. So I'm just saying
it's really not the thing. LikeI think something like seventy percent of women
(50:57):
don't orgasm through P and V sexanyway. They organism through clural stimulation,
which is not accomplished necessarily by penetration. So again, it doesn't matter because
that's not how a lot of womeneven come So who cares so anyway,
(51:22):
just the fact that this time hasgone past and Nandoor is as old as
he is and he still thinks thatthis like size is going to be the
thing that makes her stay. Ijust feel like, if you haven't learned
(51:43):
by now, Nandor, that that'snot the priority. I'm wondering if you're
as good in bed as I wouldhave thought you are, because I would
have put Nandora's being pretty good inbed, and I'm starting to be like,
wow, maybe not. Actually,maybe he's just he's so like self
centered in his interactions with Guermo andeverything. But I always just assumed that
(52:06):
it was like Guiermo was a particularcase because he's a familiar. But maybe
he's just like that, which isjust disappointing. Honestly, I expected better
of you, Nandor. I wonderthis is a lot though in general,
like also about Laslow. Laslow issex obsessed. Is he good in bed?
Though genuinely can't decide. I don'tknow. I feel like I want
(52:29):
to say he has to be,but God knows there are men out there
who are sex obsessed and just stilldon't know what they're doing. So m
Martin says, I assume that noneof the vampires are actually good in bed
because of how selfish they each are. Maybe you're right, that's too bad.
(52:51):
Oh all right, well I'm goingto wrap this up, but thank
you again Max for commissioning this.Very interested in seeing where we're going.
And until next time to the Loo, motherfuckers. That was an Unspoiled Network podcast
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
My Favorite Murder with Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark
My Favorite Murder is a true crime comedy podcast hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark. Each week, Karen and Georgia share compelling true crimes and hometown stories from friends and listeners. Since MFM launched in January of 2016, Karen and Georgia have shared their lifelong interest in true crime and have covered stories of infamous serial killers like the Night Stalker, mysterious cold cases, captivating cults, incredible survivor stories and important events from history like the Tulsa race massacre of 1921. My Favorite Murder is part of the Exactly Right podcast network that provides a platform for bold, creative voices to bring to life provocative, entertaining and relatable stories for audiences everywhere. The Exactly Right roster of podcasts covers a variety of topics including historic true crime, comedic interviews and news, science, pop culture and more. Podcasts on the network include Buried Bones with Kate Winkler Dawson and Paul Holes, That's Messed Up: An SVU Podcast, This Podcast Will Kill You, Bananas and more.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.