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July 15, 2023 • 58 mins
Thank you so much to Max for commissioning this episode!

It's time to rejoin our very favorite loser vampires, and this season starts off with some real weird plot developments. Apparently Colin is growing at an astonishing rate, and while Laszlo is taking care of this weird offspring, the house is crumbling around him.

Meanwhile it seems like Guillermo has completely let go of the ultimate goal of being turned, which I find frankly baffling.

Thanks for listening, and I will see you soon with a new episode!

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:02):
This is an unspoiled network podcast.This is spoil Me covering what we do
in The Shadows Season four, episodeone, Reunited. In this episode,
we get to see the infantile ColinRobinson, which is just truly so.

(00:29):
It's so scary, it's so scary. It's a very scary little guy.
And also Guillermo has had it enoughexcept he hasn't. Has he He's never
really had enough? Not actually,welcome to spoil me. Welcome to the

(01:08):
show everyone. I am Natasha.Thank you very much to Max for commissioning
this episode. What's up? Max? I am so excited to be getting
back into this show. It wasa long wait before I got to start
this season, and I started watchingthis episode like right after finishing the previous
season, and then stopped myself afterI think like about ten or fifteen minutes,

(01:34):
because I realized how long it wasgoing to be before I got to
cover it, and I was justlike, I'm just gonna try and save
it so that it's a lot morefresh. I have no problem with watching
and rewatching an episode or reading andrereading a book in order to make sure
I really get it, but thereare times where it feels like, and

(01:55):
I think for this show in particular, this show isn't super focused on anything
that I feel I really need asecond go round to grasp. And because
it's so comedic, I think it'sI do a little bit better with talking
about it if I have only justseen it, because it's still really fresh.

(02:16):
Whereas a rein watch with a showthat depends so heavily on like surprise
gags and twists and stuff to makeyou laugh, I don't feel it's like
necessary or works as well. Soanyway, I had started the episode and
I waited. I decided to wait, but in that time I forgot that

(02:39):
I hadn't finished it. So inmy head I was like, oh,
right, right, I'm recording onthat episode. I know that Colin Robinson's
weird baby version of himself is thereand the house is falling apart. And
then I tried to like go furtherand be like, and what else happens?
And I was like, that's weird. I really don't remember. Oh

(03:00):
well, I guess I'll see it. And then I went to pull the
episode up and it was like,would you like to pick it up from
the fifteen minutes where you left off? And I was like, oh right,
So it was a really kind offun experience to like rewatch the beginning
but then still get the surprises atthe end, because you guys, I

(03:23):
don't know what's going to happen withthe whole Naja wants to build a vampire
nightclub thing. But if you knowme at all, you will fully expect
what I am about to say,which is I cannot fucking wait for this.
I am so hopeful that they decideto go through with this. I

(03:46):
am like everything about opening a nightclubis simultaneously something I would desperately love to
do and something I would absolutely neverwant to do. Does that make sense?
You know? It's just like,oh fuck yeah, I most certainly

(04:10):
am going to want to plan everylittle bit of how the place looks,
what kind of drinks were serving.I want to pick out the fixtures in
the bathrooms and make shit really overthe top. I want lens. I
want a wild looking bar. DoI want any of the like actual logistics,
not the design, the vibes.Yes, And I have a feeling

(04:33):
that's gonna be kind of what Najais like, Like she strikes me as
somebody I won't say because Naja.You know, she has often been the
voice of reason in these episodes,not to say that she hasn't been unreasonable,
because wow, has she ever.But she is more consistently mature and

(05:00):
practical than the guys tend to be. And yet I'm kind of wondering if
maybe she doesn't fully grasp what itis she's signing up for here a little
bit like as somebody who has workedin food service and who also I was
the hostess for a new nightclub thatopened in a town that I was in,

(05:26):
And you guys, the dudes whowere running this, they did not
know what they were about to do. They like clearly had bitten off so
much more than they could chew.It was just so obvious that they were
a couple of dudes who worked deskjobs and had saved up enough money or
gotten like speculative money from somewhere,and we're like, wouldn't it be cool

(05:48):
if and decided to go in onit? But you could just tell that
neither of them had ever done ajob like this a day in their lives,
and so they were focused on allof the wrong things and the energy
of like even my interview, whichshould have been such a red flag.

(06:10):
I showed up from my interview andI walked in to this weird little like
what I think now was just asort of rent by the our office area.
It had no distinguishing characteristics to marketas a place that they actually,
like, really did business out of. It felt like they needed a place
for the day and they found somewhere. And I came in and both of

(06:35):
the dudes who I was interviewing withlet out this breath of relief at the
sight of me. And then whenoh, thank god, I mean,
you look great. You should haveseen some of the other people that have
come in here, I mean notgood. And I think back to that

(06:57):
now and I'm just like, Ireally would have just left. I should
have left. I didn't understand likethe myriad of red flags being waved in
my face at the time. Iliterally took it just as a compliment,
which is wild to think of now. And then one of the guys,
it turned out, was dating theFrench teacher from my old high school.

(07:25):
Not dating, I'm sorry. Hewas married to the French teacher at my
old high school. And I foundout later had gotten the money for this
club from her dad. Well,a year later, after the club had
failed utterly and I had a newjob and had moved, he called me

(07:45):
and asked me if I still lookedthe way that I used to look,
and wondered if I was doing anything, And when I was like, dude,
I married, he was like,yeah, me too, It's fine.

(08:07):
So anyway, that's my experience withworking for a nightclub and it being
something that a person had no cluewhat they were doing. And I just
really am looking forward to seeing whatthe show decides to do with this,
because it's truly one of those memoriesthat I go back in my head and

(08:31):
there are there is there's a lotI would have done differently in the way
that I handled things, But there'salso a part of me that is glad
I didn't walk away because I gotto see some shit. You know what
I'm saying, Asher is in thechat, you know what the fuck?
Indeed, Asher, indeed, whatthe fuck. So this we pick up

(08:54):
a year after when our friends tookoff and headed for Europe, and it
turns out that Laslow had pushed Guillermowe saw it at the time, into
one of the shipping crates and thatwas why he had asked for like pedia
light and oreos and stuff because heknew that Colin Robinson needed his help and

(09:18):
he wasn't going to go with hiswife, but he didn't tell her that,
which just seemed really, really weird. And then when we come back
to the house, the place isabsolutely trashed. And I really want to
give kudos here. I know thatI have like complimented the way the house

(09:39):
is designed inside and out before,but really there is something that certain TV
shows, and the one that alwayscomes to mind for me is Desperate Housewives.
There's an episode of Desperate Housewives that'ssupposed to be like a major storm
hit and everybody's homes have taken seriousdamage, and yet it's extremely clear how

(10:05):
staged all of the debris is.There's no dirt, there's no mud,
there's no water. It's just scatteredbits of things. But it's not messy.
It just feels untidy in a vagueway. This house, as you
come up to it, you seethe front steps are like covered in what

(10:28):
looked to be old like takeout menusand flyers, just random shit that's piled
up. And it's raining, soeverything's really soggy. There's a bunch of
packages as well that had been sortof left there, and all of these
like dead plants that are hanging overthe entrance. And then you go in

(10:50):
and it is a true haunted house, vibes like it's giving Crimson Peak on
the inside, and the camera isso hilarious. It's going slowly up the
stairs. Crow comes out of nowhereand like scares the cameraman for a moment,
and you hear this like, youknow, echoing sound of a television

(11:13):
on in the midst of all ofthis extremely cartoonish haunted house like atmosphere.
And you come in and Laslow iswatching a some like house flipping reality show.

(11:33):
Now I don't know, because Idon't have actual television, I don't
have HGTV. I don't know ifthis is like a real show that they're
talking about, or if it's likea parody of that show with the Twins.
That's the one that I always thinkof, is the Property Brothers.

(11:54):
So I don't know if it's meantto be like a parody of that or
if this is actually a real show. But he is startled for a moment
at the camera guy, but thenit's like, oh, hi, long
time no, see, so Iguess the camera, guys, just like,
kept away for a year doesn't matter, It's fine, And he says,

(12:15):
doesn't just keep it down. I'vefound that this is the only thing
that'll lull him to sleep, andhe gestures at this, what I'm gonna
put this kid at maybe like fiveor six years old, And I'm gonna
be perfectly real with you, guys, I am incredibly bad at dating how

(12:39):
old anybody is, never mind children. I have no earthly idea, So
I'm saying like six or seven yearsold, five or six. I am
just kind of reaching into the etherand hoping, because it's who knows.
Who knows, especially if you tryand be like, oh, my eight

(13:01):
year old is in blank grade.You could tell me literally any grade and
I'd be like, yeah, thatsounds right. Like I am very,
very bad at all of those kindof milestone things. Don't know him,
don't remember him, nothing. Sowhat they've done is it's clearly just like
a real kid that they have superimposedColin Robinson's face over for with CGI,

(13:28):
and the effect is so so deeplyunsettling. It's like I don't even really
know where to start with how creepy. This is it's like a combo of
the Uncanny Valley thing because you definitelyknow that he it's CGI, so you

(13:50):
can see the seems in it,especially when he like kind of turns his
head suddenly and stuff. There's momentswhere you're just like, oh, But
then there's also stuff like the factthat his face is still pretty much as
old looking, as like they haven'ttried to make him look like a baby

(14:11):
Colin Robinson. He's got the faceof a forty year old man or thirty
five or whatever on this child,so just still has the circles under his
eyes and the jaw lines and stufflike, it's all still very apparent.
And yet he's got this delicate,curly hair like it's very angelic, and

(14:37):
he's in a onesie, like allcurled up, and Laslow is saying that
he doesn't call him Colin. Hecalls him boy because he wants him to
be his own man. But lateron everybody is calling him Colin, and
when they ask what his name is, he says Colin even though he like

(15:00):
hasn't been given a name, andLazlow argues, he's only saying that because
you have said that he's Colin infront of him a couple of times,
so it's not like it's not comingfrom a natural place. He's just repeating
back to you, which I can'tdecide how much I think that's true,

(15:20):
Like is that is that how thatworks? I don't know how that works,
you know what I'm saying. Soanyway this I'm gonna keep calling him
Colin though, because I'm just gonnaAnd we had this amazing moment of him
like playing at the park with Colinat night and it's a real foggy night,

(15:43):
and he's eating some dude while he'slike sitting on one of those little
bouncy things, and when Colin comesdown the slide, he just like drops
the dude on the ground and catcheshim. Oh my god, you guys,
the idea of him just like feedingon this guy at the park in

(16:06):
the middle of the night while likeplaying with this unnatural child. And I
really have to admit I have saidmany many times on other things, how
much I don't like the edition oflike a kid that ages really fast into
pretty much like name a story andthere has any story that's got vampires in

(16:30):
it, especially there, they alwayslike try and do a thing like this.
They had kids that grew super faston True Blood, and I think
that they were like fairy. Therewas the obvious renaisme in Twilight, which
was a nightmare. I was gonnasay Buffy, but it wasn't Buffy.

(16:51):
It was Angel and he like hada kid in another dimension who then comes
and like is aging super quickly.It's so so boring and so tiresome,
and it always feels like they justwant to add a kid into the mix,
but they don't want to deal witha child actor, which I totally
get. And then they're like,all right, so then how do we
get around this. Oh, We'lljust like have them age super fast,

(17:15):
so then we can deal with basicallyan adult actor from here on out.
And while I sympathize and I understandthat's not the case with like Twilight,
where she was writing a thing,but she also I think was keeping in
mind what it would be like forcinema as well. I'm being a little
cynical, I guess, but youknow, I'm that's fine. I'll be
cynical. It's no big deal.This is a complete exception, obviously because

(17:41):
it's done for comedy, it's donefor the fun of it. I am
absolutely on board with basically mocking whatall of these other shows and movies and
whatnot have done, un ironically,And I am really really wondering where we're

(18:03):
going with this because I can't tellhow much of the show these folks plan
out ahead of time, Like Idid they do the thing with Colin becoming
a baby and then and starting over? Did they figure out what they wanted
to do with this concept before theydid it, or did they just go,

(18:27):
you know, to be funny,what if we had like a baby
Colin who didn't get Like, whatI'm imagining we're gonna have is a Colin
who is like very shortly going tobe the same age as the actor that
we were originally dealing with, buthe's going to have the weirdo vibe of

(18:53):
somebody who hasn't actually grown up.And I'm not sure that's how it's going
to work, because I don't knowwhat the intellect of the kid is gonna
be, like, like does thatkeep up with his physical aging? Does
his mind age the same way?Or is this like you know, a
thing where you age mentally the sameway everybody else does, But your body

(19:19):
is way way ahead of you.Oh okay, Asher says, I'd say
four or five on this kid.Okay, cool, Thank you Asher for
your insight on that, as Ihave no idea. Miss t says so
glad to hear that. It wasthe first thing I thought of. How
you dislike the rapidly aging child?Yeah, like because it feels like they're

(19:41):
purposely being like, oh God,that trope is so dumb. What if
we did that with like one ofthe characters. And I don't know that's
what the mindset was, but that'smy head cannon of it, because I
feel like I can't be the onlyone who finds that really tiresome. So
anyway, I'm just really curious tosee what they're gonna do with like his

(20:06):
whole development and whether or not he'sgoing to be trying to like live in
the world as a grown man witha child's mind, or is he going
to like I don't know, Idon't know, genuinely don't know where we're
going, But we've seen all ofthis, like very Adam's family bonding stuff

(20:30):
between him and Laslow. They're likeworking with chainsaws, cutting trees down and
doing like sword fighting and whatnot.So we go to the credits and then
Naga comes home and she expresses somesurprise that the cameraman is still even alive,

(20:53):
then tells Laslow how much she missedhim, and he really really wants
to go upstairs and have sex,and she's like, well, I miss
you so so much. She callshim my wide lover, and then she
backs up and she smacks him inthe face. You were supposed to come
with me to London, but youjust packed me up and shipped me off.

(21:15):
Now, guys, I don't reallyknow what to make of what's happening
here, and I'm just gonna mymy. I'm choosing to not really try
and read into it very much.That's where that's where I'm landing ultimately.
But I do have to mention itall right, that they're acting like they

(21:37):
just straight up have been apart fora year but never spoke the whole time.
And it's it's like he gave herthe letter that he put like,
yeah, sure, but the househas a phone, and even if it
didn't, you in a year coulddefinitely like write letters to each other.

(22:02):
It's just sort of a weird thing, and I think maybe it's supposed to
be. Part of the joke isthe fact that we're just going to act
as if a year passed and there'sno reason for anybody to ever have talked
to each other. But I justfound it so bizarre that we're like coming
back into this with characters who itseems feel like they have gone through the

(22:26):
same like they're watching a show withus. Does that make sense of like
they have the same amount of informationthat we have. Asher sends says their
council sends messages by VHS. Ireally don't see them calling. I guess

(22:47):
that's true, but they have email, like we've seen them use email.
The thing about the council and theway that they send their messages like that
is that I was putting that downto the bureaucracy of the council, Like
I thought that that was supposed tobe a joke about the way the vampiret
Council worked, not necessarily about howvampires communicate as a whole. But maybe

(23:10):
that is part of it. Isjust that they don't know how to or
they don't bother with a lot ofthis stuff. I feel like I don't
have a good grasp of how theyfeel with that though, because we've seen
a phone and we've seen it ringingand pretty much nobody answering it. They
made Guillermo answer it, so Iguess it's possible they don't even know how
it works, and we've seen themusing their email, but they've also like

(23:36):
fallen for some scams or almost likedone scams with that. So anyway,
like I said, I'm just gonnabasically let it go because it doesn't matter.
But I was so like startled atthe fact that this is apparently the
first time they've caught up in thatwhole time. And there's a repeating joke
that I loved in this which isunsurprised Lee Raccoon related because not yet keep

(24:04):
seeing this raccoon and thinking that isthe baby Colin Robinson, and I will
tell you kids what that shit crackedme up. I am never ever not
going to find it funny when somebodyis like so disconnected from reality or just

(24:27):
at least inexperienced with kids. Wecould say that they don't even know what
a small child looks like or don'thave any particular expectations of that. Like,
it just really made me laugh becausethis is the like the first time
she sees him, she's like,oh, I think that's Colin Robinson there,
And then later on she's holding araccoon and talking about how Colin Robinson

(24:52):
keeps giving her kisses, and it'sthen he's like, uh no, my
darling, I don't think that's himbecause he is in here and y'all raccoons.
It's just a soft spot for me. I can't explain it. I
don't know what it is. Ilove them desperately. And if you're going
to keep making jokes where she's gota like pet raccoon that she thinks is

(25:15):
a human child, I'm here forit. Honestly, I'm one hundred percent
here for it. So I'm tryingto sorry. I just want to make
sure. Oh, miss t says, I thought they didn't bother calling either.
I can't imagine them on the phone. That's fair, all right.
I will accept that they just don'tdo that. Let's go with that.

(25:40):
So then we have Nada being like, oh, and one more thing,
and Nandor swans in and he's talkingabout how excited he is to be back
in the house and he crashes rightthrough the floor and he's in this like
water that's about chest height on him, and talking about how there's a gas

(26:03):
leak smell and could somebody drop downa lit candle for him to check a
little bit more closely, Ah,dear. So we go to another exterior
shop. We have a nice littlebit where one of the light bulbs on
the lantern in front like shorts outand sends sparks all over the place.

(26:27):
And then Nandor is telling his story. As it turns out in the middle
of Laslow and Najat having sex onthe couch, which just doesn't really seem
like a thing anybody would want,but I guess sure. He says that

(26:48):
he thinks he got as far asFresno. I met a plump family on
the train from Wisconsin. I plannedto drain them, but they were quite
endearing. They had a very particularkiller way of speaking. And he tries
to do one of those like midwesternac sense, and it's he's very good
at sounding like a guy with Nandor'saccent doing another accent. And I really

(27:15):
enjoy that. In the background isthere like Emo kid, And there's a
real sense of like maybe that kidwould have enjoyed being turned just perhaps I
feel like they would have been onboard. And he says, I book
passage on a container ship too,and then he gets cut off. I

(27:37):
feel like, you guys aren't reallylistening to what I'm saying. At one
point, Naja's ankles are like upagainst the uh the like top of the
couch, but her top half islike completely invisible. It's it's hilarious.

(27:59):
It's like and I think it's madefunnier by the shoes she's wearing, because
she's got a kind of wicked Witchof the West style footwear going on.
I hitched a ride on a shipand after I drank all of the crew,
we ran into a little delay,and they make it that he was
the one responsible for that container shipthat blocked the canal, and I really

(28:26):
that joke. It's the kind ofthing that I wonder how well it's going
to age, because it could agegreat and we'll all remember it and be
like, oh my god, rememberthat fucking thing. Or it could be
this sort of thing that gets sortof lost in the midst of time,
and if you watched this, you'dbe like, was that real? I

(28:48):
can't, and then you have togoogle it, you know. But I
in the moment, really really enjoyedit. As he's talking, we have
Colin going by on one. It'snot exactly a tricycle because it's like one
of those plastic ones that's loaded theground. I don't remember what you call
that. I feel like it hasa special name. But yeah, he

(29:10):
is. They're all just kind oflike unsure how to cope with this kid.
And when we see the way thatLaslow was like studying him. You
guys, he's doing phrenology stuff,like measuring his head and there's a it
seems like electro maybe like an electrifiedcage that he keeps him in. It's

(29:36):
unclear important literature or colorful shit.Make your choice, and when he chooses
the wrong book, he electrocutes him. And that's the faces that Colin has
to make that they're putting on thiskid. I cannot emphasize enough how totally

(29:57):
uncomfortable it makes me. I justhate it. I subjected him to boring
imagery and he found it as tediousas I did. He is not and
will not grow into the boring energyvampire from whence he came. And I
am very interested on whether that's trueor not, because if he's not going

(30:22):
to be a regular energy vampire's what'sgonna who is he gonna be? I
don't know. Ah, man,I'm just really curious about this. I
forgot the last says to Nandor oldJep there's room in the back. Oh

(30:44):
my god, you guys, I'msorry. I was so distracted. You
know how I like to like havethe show on in the background while I'm
talking about it. And I forgothow the couch that they're having sex on
just goes straight through the floor.And when they're down there, Laslos says,
fuck me, and she says,okay, here I go, and

(31:07):
she tries to climb on him,but he's drowning. I forgot how that
whole thing went. Oh man.So there's this pounding sound, and when
Nandor asks what it's coming from,Laslow says, it's pipes, and he
explains how all the holes in thewall are from when he was trying to

(31:32):
track down which of the pipes wasmaking that noise, and he Nandora says,
I was wondering where Guillermo was,and neither of them remember who he
is at all, and he describeshim to a t. Nobody gets it
Naja, however, does says,oh, I do have a tency present,

(31:56):
even though she was just acting likeshe didn't remember who he was,
and I couldn't tell whether the jokewas supposed to be she didn't remember that
was his name, or if thejoke was supposed to be that she was
pretending not to know who he waseven though she realized, you know what
I mean, like I don't know, but either way, he she opens

(32:17):
the shipping container and he gets out. He is enraged and of course has
shit himself because there's nowhere or elseto shit in that fucking container, and
the whole like that was him thumpingin there the whole time. Apparently he's

(32:37):
been here for a couple of days, and he is so so angry,
you guys, the look on hisface, like we've seen him mad,
but the mad here. I reallykind of thought he was about to do
some like violent vampire shit, youknow that, And I mean violent vampire

(32:58):
like as a vampire lay not thathe is a vampire. So he tries
to like make a big exit andstomp away. He goes through the floor
also, and Nandor has to godown there and save him and rescue him.
We have a nice little bit ofwire work where nander comes up out

(33:22):
of the floor holding Guiermo against himand he's like flying right, so he
just comes straight up out and ashe's coming up, Guermo is spitting water
out of his mouth. It's Ithought that was pretty well staged. I
liked it because it's very sudden,so it gives you the impression that this
all happened in like a split second, you know. So Guillermo is getting

(33:49):
cleaned up by Nandor, and Nandoris trying to sus out just how mad
Guillermo is, and Guillermo tries tohow the camera how he's a very different
man, that he is going tostart looking out for number one. And

(34:09):
it is not at all the vibethat he's really giving. This is what
he's saying, but it's intercut withhim still like cleaning up, dragging bodies,
handling the household chores, despite allof these things, saying how he's

(34:31):
going to look after himself first,and I love he even asks for like
a glass of water from Nandor,and he all Nandor does is get a
glass and hold it up to oneof the pipes. That's like presumably either
draining rainwater, or if we wantto get real gross, maybe that's like

(34:52):
a sewer pipe. Who knows it'ssomething horrible, it's brown, And so
this is my Nandor says that hewould like for Guillermo to be his best
man, and Guillermo is excited andsays he will, but you, guys,

(35:15):
I don't know somo. Guermo hadbeen excited to be turned into a
vampire. Nando was excited to doit. Then Guillermo got like Laslo got
the drop on him and he gotput in a box. Nandor was very

(35:36):
sad over the fact that he gotstood up, and he left Guillermo's suitcase
at the train station and left.And evidently we're just gonna leave it at
that. We're not gonna try again. We're not gonna pick up where we

(35:59):
left off off. And Guillermo,of course, is being held responsible for
the fact that he didn't show up, despite the fact that he was basically
kidnapped. Nandor says something about howit was very disrespectful what Guermo did,
even though that's not what he did, it's what Laslow did. But I
found it really weird that Gammo doesn'tseem to want to try again. It's

(36:23):
like, I don't know, Maybeit's supposed to be that something has sort
of crossed over inside of him afterthis past year and what he's been put
through, that he no longer hasthe same like sunny outlook on what that
would be like. Although that's kindof an ironic way to put it for
a vampire, but you get whatI'm saying. But anyway, he asks,

(36:47):
will you be my best man?And when he when Gammo says,
oh my god, you are gettingmarried, he says, don't be jealous,
and Giarmo says him, actually not, and he seems genuinely to actually
be not, which I think appearsto disappoint nandor a little bit. I

(37:09):
think he wanted a little bit ofsome of jealousy here. I'm almost wondering
if that's not why he said this, like, because it becomes clear quickly
he has no real plans. Hehasn't chosen his wife yet and so there's
no reason to be asking this question. I think it might have been simply

(37:29):
to get a rise out of him, and Giermo tries to say, maybe
some folks could even say that itwas cooler to be best man than a
vampire, but then sort of stopshimself and it's just like, no,
I guess nobody would say that.Maybe they will know that they wouldn't say
that. So at this point hesays it, since you're you have to

(37:57):
help me pick my bride, becausethat is what a best man does.
And as Guermo is attempting to explainthat is not what a best man does,
Colin comes in running around with ahat that has a lit candle stuck
to the top of it, andhe just starts running in circles. There's

(38:19):
a point a little bit later wherehe is being left to his own devices
and is just sticking things in electricalsockets. And I'll tell you what,
kiddos, I had a bit ofa whole thing today with my dogs that
I'm taking care of. I don'trecall how long it's been since I were

(38:42):
last recorded on this show and ifI had the dogs then, but suffice
to say, I've got to stilltrying to find a home from one of
them, sweet boy. But theyare handfuls and it was really reminding me
of that because it's basically like youtake your eyes off of them for a
moment and they will just absolutely ruinyour life. And they got out of

(39:05):
our yard a couple times today,and Owen and I keep trying to patch
the areas in the fence that itseems like they're climbing over and extend them
upwards or cover the gate to keepthem from being able to climb over it.
And they just keep finding ways out, and I don't know what to
do to entertain them in the yard. It's not like we don't pay attention

(39:25):
to them. I played fetched withSam for ten minutes before taking him for
a mile walk. This morning,I took Pippin for a mile walk and
he slept in our bed. Weare spending a lot of time with them.
We're doing a lot like I thinkwe are good dog parents, but
they make us look really bad.They make us look so neglectful, just

(39:46):
roaming the fucking neighborhood, like weare that house at the moment where people
are like, oh, they're dogsagain. And I hate that for us,
because, oh my god, we'rejust putting so much effort into keeping
this from happen, and it's justhappening anyway. So anyway, a friend
of mine was talking about. Actually, I think there was somebody in one

(40:07):
of the chats on a live whosaid that their friend who raised a puppy
and also had an infant child,said that the puppy was much harder because
infants cannot move. You put themwhere they go. Once they grow enough
to walk around and stuff. Sure, but puppies can walk and destroy pretty

(40:30):
much like you know, within likethree weeks. And yeah, I'm really
starting to feel like I don't knowwhat to do, Asher says part Husky
Dogs. Yeah, we couldn't trustour husky around anything less than a six
foot wooden fence. Chain link wasa no go. That's exactly like,

(40:51):
we've extended it to six feet andit is chain link. We've extended it
by zip tying wooden pickets to thefence and then stapling chicken wire between the
pickets because guys, I don't knowif you know this, but fences are

(41:13):
fucking insanely expensive. That's what wecan afford to do right now. And
that alone, that jankie job thatwe did cost us like four hundred dollars
and it looks like crap and isbarely effective. Like it's kept them in
for this long and they got overit today. It's the first time in
literally months that they've managed to getout that way, so it's been working

(41:38):
mostly, but you know, likeI genuinely don't know what to do.
One time to Nook ended up acrossthe road chasing the farmer's donkeys. Oh
god, he was lucky he didn'tget shot. Yeah, I mean,
especially like a husky is a bigdog, and people are afraid, and

(41:59):
I don't blame them, you know, I like dogs, and you see
a dog on the loose, especiallya big dog, and that can be
really scary. So his tea onehundred percent. Puppies are harder, plus
no diapers. Yeah, that's theother thing, is like, if you
don't know about potty training a puppy, guys, let me just tell anybody

(42:22):
who's listening, it's a PSA formeeting you. Unless you can take a
month off from work to train thisdog, don't get a puppy. Don't
do it. Straight up. Idon't think anybody should get puppies unless they
are people who work from home andare going to be there all day,

(42:45):
or people who don't have to workperiod, because otherwise that poor animal is
not going to have nearly enough ofyour attention, and you're going to be
so tired from work and so frustratedwith this dog. It's not worth it.
Just don't get a grown adult rescuedog and save everybody the heartache.

(43:06):
So anyway, the fact that hejust kept getting into trouble, it was
just reminding me of keeping these fuckingmonsters entertained. And I love when when
Guillermo's like, you let him swimin the sewage. He says it lets
him shake off the sillies, which, frankly, guys, I totally get,

(43:31):
I really do. And it turnsout he feeds him on the floor,
count chocola in a dog bowl andtrains him to like sit and stay.
And you know, is this appropriatefor a real child? No?
It is not. Is Colin Robinsona real child? No he has not.

(43:54):
So I'm like fine with it,you know, go ahead, I
don't care. You might as wellhave some weirdo child mixed in with these
weirdo vampires because you try and raisehim normally and he's going to be very
it's not going to work out eitherway. So at this point, Guermo

(44:15):
is talking about how he is researchingthe ways that they're going to fix the
house, and he is also theone that's being tasked with like looking after
Colin Robinson, and I think likethere's a combo of things happening that he's
being saddled with it because he's thefamiliar, even though he's not they're familiar.

(44:36):
He's they're familiar. But also he'sso horrified at the way that Laslow
has been raising him that he can'thelp but step in, to which I
say, Guermo, you need tolearn to curb that impulse because he's going
to take offense to the fact thatyou're horrified. You don't need to be

(44:59):
in involved, and Colin isn't aregular kid. It's fine, just leave
it. And it turns out thatGuillermo is like not talking to Naja and
Laslow, and so he's just likecoming into the room and telling Nandor about
what he's done research on for fixingthe house in front of them, but
doesn't want to actually like engage withthem. And this is when Naja brings

(45:24):
up, if we're fixing up thehouse, how are we paying for all
of this? And it turns outnone of them even know if they have
any money. It's like Colin wasin charge of absolutely everything in terms of
their finances and like the mortgage orrent or whatever it is, and they

(45:45):
have no idea how to get accessto any of that. Laslow has his
bank card, but who knows howmuch money is even in there, and
he doesn't have the pin number forit, which I am very unsure what

(46:06):
to bet here. If you wereasking me, do I think Colin has
very little money or a lot ofmoney? I'm really really not sure what
to say. Part of me wantsto say he has a lot of money
because investments and stuff they're boring,and he loved that shit. So I

(46:29):
want to say that he would haveprobably been able to do and also being
promoted from like no work, heprobably was getting paid pretty well, and
that he would He doesn't spend hismoney on much. He doesn't go out
and do things. He doesn't havemany like he didn't do anything with luxury,

(46:50):
right, So what's he spending themoney on? And I figured the
only reason I might think he doesn'thave money is because he got suckered into
like doge coin, something something jankie, some bitcoin, you know, or
he bought like one of those fuckingthose NFT apes something stupid like that.

(47:14):
That's the only reason I could think. But I'm gonna guess he's got a
good amount put away. I'm justlike, you could go either way with
this, and if you justified itenough, I'd be willing to believe any
anything. Miss T says, what'shis pin? Would you say? Zero?
Zero zero zero? I say thatI don't even know if that's allowed.

(47:37):
You know, some some pins,when you set them up, they
won't let you use consecutive numbers ofthe same digit, which I thought was
like, really weird, because comeon, but Miss T says, I
say one two three four, Okay, I like it. We'll go with
one two three four or zero zerozero zero as a backup. And when

(48:00):
Guillermo sees that, Laslow like isacting like, oh, I don't have
the pin number. Guillermo snatches thecard from him and goes up to Colin
and is like, what's the pinnumber? And Colin starts to say some
numbers, and Guillermo is like,let's get a pad and paper, and

(48:22):
he begins writing them down and he'slike saying the numbers, and I'm like,
all right, cool, this isworking, and then we cut to
like fifteen minutes later and he's justcontinuing to say numbers, and he has
written about seven pages worth of numbers. So this kid was just saying and

(48:49):
I kind of like it. Iknow that it's supposed to be that this
kid just doesn't really know what he'ssaying and so he's just saying it.
But I'm going to fully invest myselfin the head cannon that new baby Colin
is a troll and that some partof him knows exactly what he's doing and

(49:15):
is delighting in fucking with them.And I don't think that's actually true,
but I like it, so I'mgonna go with it. So this is
when Naja brings up the Vampire Nightcluband she says, like in the film
Blade with the blood Sprinklers, thelive F and S show, I don't

(49:39):
remember what F and S is,fang in sex, fucking suck what's fans
And they immediately start to like floatother ideas without really giving her idea any
serious consideration. So we go toher, you know, and she's doing

(50:04):
the talk and head thing to thecamera and she is describing how she was
on the like some committee at onepoint and how she presented this idea the
vampire nightclub then too, and theydidn't take it seriously at all. Supreme

(50:24):
Worldwide Vampiric Council. Let's say,do not let them put you on a
ten year vampiric Planning committee, becausethat is just where they stick zealist and
c list vampires to just sit aroundtalking about boring admin all day. And
we see this guy doing this likevery boring presentation, and then she gets

(50:46):
up and she tries to make itjazzy and talk about the vampire nightclub and
all of them react with sort ofderision and basically say, everybody always try
is to present this idea and theyall think that it's like a new and
exciting idea, and she was She'sjust so crushed, like every new vampire

(51:12):
comes up with this idea, it'sjust not what we do here. And
I just felt so bad for herbecause she's like clearly disappointed, also a
little bit embarrassed. And she sayssomething in this talking head about how she

(51:34):
should have known to use her specialvoice and she didn't. So let me
come back to the present, andGuillamo is in the middle of talking about
just going and hypnotizing a bank teller, and all of a sudden she stands
up and says enough. And theydo this really nice thing with the sound

(51:54):
design that they amplify her voice,but they also make everything else get vague
and quiet, so it's like you'rehearing has been damaged and there's that like
tinted, high pitched sound and everything. And she says, I'm telling you
we're opening a vampire nightclub, andany questions and they're all just like,

(52:15):
no, I guess that's fine.So I just you guys know, I'm
so excited for this, I reallyam. I have no idea what to
expect from the design of this.It seems like she wants to open it
in the vampiric headquarters, which like, do you think that's gonna happen?

(52:36):
Like I was, I wasn't sureif they were even talking about opening it
within their own home, which Ididn't think was likely, but like,
they come up with some fucking hairbrained schemes, so why not. So
yeah, they go to the headquartersand they turn on the lights and Evil
Mabel is just sitting there and itturns out she has been chilling at that

(52:57):
table waiting for a year for themto come back, and just didn't notice
that that much time had passed.I just wanted to get up and leave,
and I kept thinking as soon asI did, it would be the
moment when you came in. Iguess we have a lot to catch up
on. And this is when Najasays, actually, no, no business
of usual change of direction, andMabel says, oh, okay, that's

(53:24):
always something I enjoy. I really, you, guys. I just rewatched
Gravity Falls recently, and she doesthe voice of Mabel on that show flawless,
such a great character. And thenOwen and I have recently started watching

(53:45):
Bob's Burgers for the first time,and she also does the voice of a
little girl on Bob's Burgers and itis a really different energy, and it's
really funny to see her here nowtoo, And I'm just like, man,
I am just getting what's her name, Christian Shaw, I'm just getting
a lot of her lately, andI really enjoy her. And I love

(54:05):
that her voice is so specifically littlegirl sounding that she can get all this
work as a voice voice artist forlittle girls, because it is very convincing,
you know. So the episode endswith Naja yelling at the camera,

(54:25):
I'm opening a vampire nightclub and ifany of you motherfuckers get in my way,
you will surely live to regret it. And she says it with her
special voice and two lamps behind herexplode and that is the end of the
episode. So y'all, I amone hundred percent here for it. Cannot

(54:50):
wait to see where we're going withthis. Extremely curious what the fuck we're
gonna do with Colin Robinson. I'mpretty good with him just being like a
little chaos demon at the moment,and he's not aging so fast that we're
going to be back to regular Colinlike particularly soon, I don't think.
I mean, it's been a yearand he is looking like he's around five

(55:10):
years old. So I feel like, unless this speeds up a lot or
something else changes, we're going tobe dealing with chaos demon Colin for a
while, unless the show decides todo another like jump ahead in time,
which it could very well do,especially if they're trying to do a nightclub
thing like that's a considerable amount ofconstruction and whatnot. Maybe we'll get a

(55:34):
jump ahead in time and see,you know, like we'll skip over all
of the building parts of it,and we'll get to go to it being
almost complete or something. Jan says, she's in the Secret Benedict Society too.
I heard of that from her Twitter. Actually, I've never heard of
that show in my life, Andwhen I saw the poster for it didn't

(55:55):
ring any bells at all. Apparentlythat just got pulled from streaming. She
was sharing because she was upset becauseshe doesn't have a copy of it.
They don't make like physical media anymorefor a lot of shows, so once
it gets pulled from streaming, it'sfucking gone. And she was really upset,
and some lovely soul on Twitter figuredout how to burn the DVD of

(56:19):
all of the seasons and made itmade like a little case for it and
like a label for the CD andsent it to her as a gift.
And it was like the sweetest,cutest thing you ever saw. And she
sent them this like massive gift basketfrom Harry and David as a thank you
and said the little note said,I was so touched by this. I

(56:40):
started crying and I was like,oh my god, I love her so
much. She's so cute. Misst says in Flight of the Concords.
I have not seen that either.I'm trying to think what the original thing
I saw her in was with them. The one that like Jams in my
mind the most is thirty Rock,and she plays kind of a psycho and

(57:04):
which is like, she's just verygood. She can play extremely silly goofy
or she can play like scary andeither way it works for her. All
Right, I am going to wrapit up, but I appreciate you guys
so much and I'm excited to beback on the show. Thank you to
Max for commissioning this, and I'llbe seeing y'all again on Thursday with a

(57:25):
new episode. Until then, tothe loo Motherfucker's that it was an unspoiled network podcast
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