March 16, 2025 • 19 mins
Unexpected often equates to being in the wrong place at the wrong time, and a poor guy in his sixties who was new on the wing was caught up in the crossfire and his face slashed. He was only going for his morning shower.
During the three and a half years I was in prison I wrote over a million words by hand. Tales From The Jails is a contemporaneous account of my life, and attempts to thrive rather than merely survive, whilst incarcerated.
Most names have been changed. The events have not.
This is a Jekyll & Pride production.
Producer: Trevessa Newton
Title Music taken from The Confession, on the album Crimes Against Poetry (written and performed by The Shadow Poet, produced by Lance Thomas)
Copyright Jekyll & Pride Ltd 2025
@jekyllandpride2023
@theshadowpoettsp
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Episode 25 Scarred For Life.
Life in here is a rollercoasterof unpredictabilities that
(00:20):
wreaks havoc with a person'shead and emotions.
It is difficult to relax, asanything can happen without
notice or warning.
You can't plan for anything, noteven five minutes away.
We're constantly in survivalmode, limited to what we can do
(00:43):
and constricted in the extremeas to where we can move.
If we move anywhere in prison,then it's always accompanied by
an officer or two, and you don'thave to travel to any point in
prison without passing throughsteel doors, steel gates and
holding areas.
(01:03):
Each lawless wing holds over 200men and such as the design of
the place that you could wake upon a different cell, on a
different wing and you wouldn'tfeel like you'd moved at all.
Not unless your toilet is nextto bottom bunk's pillow.
As time progresses, I have cometo realize that routines can
(01:25):
both be positive as much as theyare potentially monotonous.
And almost everything is mademore difficult by other
prisoners more than prisonofficers.
I've never quite understoodthis, but fellow inmates cause
you more harm or grief.
(01:46):
I've written many times how Isit behind the cell door waiting
for the sound of the keys tounlock us, and then stride along
the landing to a phone, hopingit's working to make the morning
love call.
Often lads smash them off thewall in a frenzy after falling
out with their partner,screaming down the phone with
(02:08):
threats and abuses.
A regular soundtrack we all endup listening to.
Far too many of the lads arejust horrible, all smiles and
laughs with their fellowinmates, and then wild with
jealousy when they ring themissus.
Thankfully, some of the partnershave the courage to ring the
prison and report it.
(02:29):
Lads in here are thick as muchas despicable.
How are they not going to befound out?
Some think that they're superclever, ringing home on a mobile
phone from inside their cell.
To be honest, that's even dumberthan the abuse dished out over a
prison phone because once apartner rings into Walton and
(02:53):
throws their abusive partnerunder the bus, i.e.
he's ringing me from the cell ona mobie and threatening me.
Then it's a raided pad, whichalways flushes out more than the
phone.
You lose your job, you lose anyperks, and your cellmate is
fucked just because he's in thesame cell.
(03:14):
One of the lads, E, is fallingapart.
His missus was spotted up withanother bloke bouncing around in
the car with the roof down overthe weekend, and he was driving.
One minute was Jack the Lad inhere.
Now he's being terrorized andmocked through the night by the
lads.
(03:36):
His head has fallen off.
I've said many times that thelads get off on another inmate's
misery.
He is on remand waiting fortrial.
Another drugs conspiracy.
And if it's anything like theothers I've witnessed, most are
getting slammed.
Lads pray for fives.
(03:57):
That is five years, but they'rereturning on average with
between 10 and 15.
Today's the 1st of June, and Iembraced it with a positive
attitude.
I don't count the days, but itis nice to have another month
behind me.
I'm growing in confidence nomatter how bad or tough it is,
(04:20):
and I'm doing okay given thedire circumstances.
At 8.30, I was preparing for theday ahead.
That may sound ridiculous as towhat do I have to prepare for,
but you would be surprised.
Laughable as it sounds, it's mywash day and as ever I pack my
reading and writing materials,never forgetting my two pound
(04:43):
pair of specs.
I was preoccupied with thethought of T.
It's Credit Wednesday on myphone, and that always is a
relief.
It's the link or the only linkbetween life in here and love on
the outside.
I've come to recognize the soundof trouble, not the tantrums
(05:06):
type, but conflict trouble.
It's a combination of shouting,the alarms going off, thuds,
goading from some to the voyeurswho lust over the sight of blood
and violence.
I could tell it was serious evenfrom behind my cell door.
(05:26):
It's disturbing to hear so manyenjoying the violent
entertainment.
It's like match day, but withoutthe football.
Whatever it was, and whoever itis involved, I could sense it
was escalating to somethingsignificant.
My pad mate was first out and Ifollowed.
(05:47):
My eyes caught the worst of whatwas taking place, the classic
slow motion experience, lessthan 15 meters away.
I recognized the lad on thefloor from my early days when we
landed on B-Wing.
He was a real pain andaggravator.
A young buck who was fuelingtensions when Johnny and I were
(06:09):
dumped into cell 5-1, hisbuddies that day were now his
enemy, and as I looked over in astate of powerlessness, one of
his former pack members waskicking him in the face and head
like it was a rugby ball.
It was sickening.
(06:29):
He was helpless and entwinedbetween guards and foe.
He was being kicked to the pointof not far away from death.
What made matters worse was thatI felt powerless to intervene.
Could I do something?
Should I do something?
(06:49):
Why is nobody doing anythingother than enjoying the sick
entertainment?
It took a while for the officersto overcome the gang attack and
smother the violent frenzyagainst him.
Somehow he staggered to his feetlike a punch drunk boxer rising
to stay in the fight, but withhis eyes and senses gone.
(07:13):
Blood was pouring from bothears.
His nose and his face weredisfigured.
I wanted to scream and help himas much as I wanted to cry.
I'm in a place amongst peoplewhere I don't belong.
The kid who caused me grief.
(07:33):
Who never once smiled orgestured a friendly look in my
direction, not even a simple,alright fella, because I've been
on the same wing as him formonths...no.
The truth is I just wanted tothrow my arms around him and
help, tell him you'll be okay,even though it looked like he
(07:54):
may not be.
He's a young lad in his midtwenties.
With a young family, and none ofthis makes sense.
When you reach my age, you havea sense of parenting.
It's a default setting.
I hated it all and preferred toget back on top bunk, feeling
(08:15):
sick to the core at the event,and reminded of how vulnerable
each of us is in here.
Unexpected often equates tobeing in the wrong place at the
wrong time, and a poor guy inhis sixties who was new on the
wing was caught up in thecrossfire and his face slashed.
He was only going for hismorning shower.
(08:39):
I'll never forget the frightenedlook on the lad's face as he
stumbled to his feet.
In the end, I went from wishingI could help, to wishing I could
leave By 8.45, we were allbanged up and the wing back in
lockdown.
Even us, who work in reception,normally avoid the coal face of
(09:02):
wing life.
The harsh reality is that I'm aprisoner with a prison number
and very little identity orworth in here.
Incidents such as these arehappening a number of times a
day, and nothing seems to bedone about it.
(09:22):
Ironically, on the news,Victoria Derbyshire is reporting
there is a debate with referenceto the suicides in prison.
Apparently a person dies everyfour days.
The head of the Officer'sAssociation says it's the
greatest social injustice of ourtime.
(09:44):
Thankfully we got out to work,but all day I thought about what
happened, how was the kidrecovering, and the other poor
old guy.
Of course, how I wish I was backin a more civil, loving, caring
world with my loved ones.
By tea time, the lad and the oldguy had returned from hospital.
(10:06):
The lad seemed fine back to hisold cocky self, but I sensed, it
was probably masking fear.
The older guy turned out to be areal character and took it all
in his stride.
I gave him four packets of CocoPops and went and found him two
T-shirts.
He was still wearing his rippedbloodstained one from the
(10:27):
morning incident.
He couldn't have been any moregrateful.
His face slashed and scarred forlife, and yet full of gratitude.
It was very humbling.
The highs and lows of HMP, thepowerlessness of being able to
(10:48):
do so little with so littlechoice.
I did not feel angry, bitter, orresentful as I think of the
judge and his cronies who put mein here in the first place, the
reality is that I am here andwhat makes the difference is how
I deal with it, how I get onwith it, and how I progress.
(11:13):
I said earlier it was CreditWednesday.
While the events of todaycatapulted HMP into turmoil,
visits were cancelled.
The first time I've seen thatand testament to the scale and
impact of this morning'sviolence.
At the end of the day, when Ilook forward to ringing T, well,
(11:37):
the VP room was busy withpaedophiles and wrong'uns and
when it wasn't, one of the otherlads was burning into his credit
and catching up with his ownloved ones.
I managed a quick two minutes toT as we were waiting to return
to the wing.
She was worried not having heardfrom me since the morning love
(11:58):
call.
I didn't tell her all thedetails of the day's events,
that would only worry herunnecessarily.
Instead, I told her the dilutedversion and it's always tough to
get a phone on Credit WednesdayOn a final and happier ending, I
did get my washing done.
(12:20):
It's a perk that I value.
Once again, and in jest, thelads bang on about me wearing
Calvins in my fifties.
Even the officers go on aboutthem.
It's funny, but if I didn'tguard them like they were
precious stones, then they'd begone.
(12:42):
The 12th of June, 2016.
It's official.
H, a size 14 and a half shirt,received 32 years and 30 years
rec on Thursday.
Although it's not a surprise,it's still a shock to hear it,
and I didn't even receive it.
(13:04):
I'm curious to ask, but darenot.
But what does a man think ofwhen the harsh reality hits?
What does each feel?
How does a personcompartmentalize his thoughts
and feelings?
In my experience, it's hard toprocess a head fuck.
These lads are doomed in herefor life.
(13:25):
Whilst out there, they're damnedfor life.
The four week overtime ban isover and the old normality is
slowly returning, albeit it'sfar away from being something
that is humane.
I don't complain from my ownposition as I'm cocooned in
reception, but the lads on thewings do have it tough.
(13:49):
Half of the wing is strugglingwith severe mental health
problems and half of them atleast will be on meds.
They should not be in prison,especially the low level stuff
and nonviolent, they need help,not punishment.
I'm months in and return to theobvious question, follow the
(14:13):
money.
Where is 40,000 pounds for eachprisoner going?
The place is cut to the bonewith staff shortages, food not
fit for purpose, and theportions would starve a child,
let alone a man of 160 pounds inweight.
(14:33):
Not happening is the fastestanything gets done, and if you
did a tour of the prison, it's across between an asylum and a
prisoner of war camp and a flytipping site.
I'd like to know what the powersat be really see or think when
they walk from one end of theprison to the other.
(14:54):
It's squalid, dangerous and outof control and unsafe for both
prisoners and staff.
How is this possible?
Rehabilitation doesn't existbecause no one understands what
it means, or worse, no onebelieves in it.
It's a firefighting exerciseevery day, like the prison is on
(15:17):
a life support machine, and allthat's happening is it's being
kept alive, but any quality oflife is over.
Basically nothing gets done.
Scores of private sector as wellas public sector businesses and
quangoes are being paid an eyewatering amount of taxpayers'
money to administer a servicethat is basically not fit for
(15:41):
purpose.
Why and how?
Surely there is a care of dutyto staff and inmates, are the
incidents being logged orburied?
It makes you wonder, is there anamnesia towards logging attacks?
If not, then it implies thejustice and prison services are
(16:02):
failing in their duty, andignoring the data and prisoners'
welfare.
Suicides, self-harming,slashings, drug addiction and
various violent attacks are anendemic culture now and
represent the real true prisonlandscape, but worse, they're
being ignored.
(16:25):
Prison and prison officers arenot equipped, resourced, or
experienced enough to deal withit.
Surprisingly, a number ofofficers are more than okay.
Unfortunately, the all time lowmorale affects inmates to their
detriment.
Caging any animal and abusing itdoes not tame it, nor is it good
(16:48):
for its health and wellbeing oremotional balance.
Men are under extreme pressureto survive in an overcrowded,
squalid Victorian building,built in 1855.
Inmates are forced into a subworld that is lawless, and as a
(17:09):
result, the place is out ofcontrol.
Violence is a bigger currencythan drugs and tobacco.
One of the lads was coshed theother day.
A tin of tuna in a sock andwhack, over the head.
It's a sickening sight.
Another guy, three went in onhim, burst into his pad, and
(17:32):
battered him and broke his jaw.
I see most of these cases downin reception and chat with them
while they're waiting to go tohospital.
I swear, reception is more likea military hospital on the
battlefield than a processinghub.
Imagine you've been battered, avictim in a savage attack and
(17:56):
you have to visit a hospital,handcuffed to an officer.
You're stiched, patched up andthen sent back to here.
I've said many times, there isnothing worse in life than when
you realize no one cares andthere is no one coming to help.
(18:17):
What does the man in the ivorytower, aka, the Governor think
of all of this, I wonder?
Is it the case that people don'twant the truth to get out
because of the size and scale ofthe problem and that a
prosecution and accountabilitywould have to take place and
heads would roll?
(18:37):
Obviously.
Stuck behind my cell door insearing temperatures that drain
you, my solace is writing.
It helps me make sense of thismadness.
Training keeps me fit andstrong, and of course, it's good
for my mental and emotionalhealth.
(18:58):
But there is another reason Itrain hard, and that's if I end
up fighting or I'm attacked.
I'm curling 30 kilos nowadays.
Everything is increased, mystrength, stamina, and speed.
In an environment like this, youdon't get a second chance, and
(19:19):
although my mantra to the guysis, I'm a writer, not a fighter,
if I'm forced to defend myself,there is a fighter in me that
always surprises the attacker.
However, so far, rise above it,soak it up, and in my darkest
(19:39):
hour I feel only love and knowthat I am loved.
They have served me well.
Episode 25 Scarred For Life.
Life in here is a rollercoasterof unpredictabilities that
(00:20):
wreaks havoc with a person'shead and emotions.
It is difficult to relax, asanything can happen without
notice or warning.
You can't plan for anything, noteven five minutes away.
We're constantly in survivalmode, limited to what we can do
(00:43):
and constricted in the extremeas to where we can move.
If we move anywhere in prison,then it's always accompanied by
an officer or two, and you don'thave to travel to any point in
prison without passing throughsteel doors, steel gates and
holding areas.
(01:03):
Each lawless wing holds over 200men and such as the design of
the place that you could wake upon a different cell, on a
different wing and you wouldn'tfeel like you'd moved at all.
Not unless your toilet is nextto bottom bunk's pillow.
As time progresses, I have cometo realize that routines can
(01:25):
both be positive as much as theyare potentially monotonous.
And almost everything is mademore difficult by other
prisoners more than prisonofficers.
I've never quite understoodthis, but fellow inmates cause
you more harm or grief.
(01:46):
I've written many times how Isit behind the cell door waiting
for the sound of the keys tounlock us, and then stride along
the landing to a phone, hopingit's working to make the morning
love call.
Often lads smash them off thewall in a frenzy after falling
out with their partner,screaming down the phone with
(02:08):
threats and abuses.
A regular soundtrack we all endup listening to.
Far too many of the lads arejust horrible, all smiles and
laughs with their fellowinmates, and then wild with
jealousy when they ring themissus.
Thankfully, some of the partnershave the courage to ring the
prison and report it.
(02:29):
Lads in here are thick as muchas despicable.
How are they not going to befound out?
Some think that they're superclever, ringing home on a mobile
phone from inside their cell.
To be honest, that's even dumberthan the abuse dished out over a
prison phone because once apartner rings into Walton and
(02:53):
throws their abusive partnerunder the bus, i.e.
he's ringing me from the cell ona mobie and threatening me.
Then it's a raided pad, whichalways flushes out more than the
phone.
You lose your job, you lose anyperks, and your cellmate is
fucked just because he's in thesame cell.
(03:14):
One of the lads, E, is fallingapart.
His missus was spotted up withanother bloke bouncing around in
the car with the roof down overthe weekend, and he was driving.
One minute was Jack the Lad inhere.
Now he's being terrorized andmocked through the night by the
lads.
(03:36):
His head has fallen off.
I've said many times that thelads get off on another inmate's
misery.
He is on remand waiting fortrial.
Another drugs conspiracy.
And if it's anything like theothers I've witnessed, most are
getting slammed.
Lads pray for fives.
(03:57):
That is five years, but they'rereturning on average with
between 10 and 15.
Today's the 1st of June, and Iembraced it with a positive
attitude.
I don't count the days, but itis nice to have another month
behind me.
I'm growing in confidence nomatter how bad or tough it is,
(04:20):
and I'm doing okay given thedire circumstances.
At 8.30, I was preparing for theday ahead.
That may sound ridiculous as towhat do I have to prepare for,
but you would be surprised.
Laughable as it sounds, it's mywash day and as ever I pack my
reading and writing materials,never forgetting my two pound
(04:43):
pair of specs.
I was preoccupied with thethought of T.
It's Credit Wednesday on myphone, and that always is a
relief.
It's the link or the only linkbetween life in here and love on
the outside.
I've come to recognize the soundof trouble, not the tantrums
(05:06):
type, but conflict trouble.
It's a combination of shouting,the alarms going off, thuds,
goading from some to the voyeurswho lust over the sight of blood
and violence.
I could tell it was serious evenfrom behind my cell door.
(05:26):
It's disturbing to hear so manyenjoying the violent
entertainment.
It's like match day, but withoutthe football.
Whatever it was, and whoever itis involved, I could sense it
was escalating to somethingsignificant.
My pad mate was first out and Ifollowed.
(05:47):
My eyes caught the worst of whatwas taking place, the classic
slow motion experience, lessthan 15 meters away.
I recognized the lad on thefloor from my early days when we
landed on B-Wing.
He was a real pain andaggravator.
A young buck who was fuelingtensions when Johnny and I were
(06:09):
dumped into cell 5-1, hisbuddies that day were now his
enemy, and as I looked over in astate of powerlessness, one of
his former pack members waskicking him in the face and head
like it was a rugby ball.
It was sickening.
(06:29):
He was helpless and entwinedbetween guards and foe.
He was being kicked to the pointof not far away from death.
What made matters worse was thatI felt powerless to intervene.
Could I do something?
Should I do something?
(06:49):
Why is nobody doing anythingother than enjoying the sick
entertainment?
It took a while for the officersto overcome the gang attack and
smother the violent frenzyagainst him.
Somehow he staggered to his feetlike a punch drunk boxer rising
to stay in the fight, but withhis eyes and senses gone.
(07:13):
Blood was pouring from bothears.
His nose and his face weredisfigured.
I wanted to scream and help himas much as I wanted to cry.
I'm in a place amongst peoplewhere I don't belong.
The kid who caused me grief.
(07:33):
Who never once smiled orgestured a friendly look in my
direction, not even a simple,alright fella, because I've been
on the same wing as him formonths...no.
The truth is I just wanted tothrow my arms around him and
help, tell him you'll be okay,even though it looked like he
(07:54):
may not be.
He's a young lad in his midtwenties.
With a young family, and none ofthis makes sense.
When you reach my age, you havea sense of parenting.
It's a default setting.
I hated it all and preferred toget back on top bunk, feeling
(08:15):
sick to the core at the event,and reminded of how vulnerable
each of us is in here.
Unexpected often equates tobeing in the wrong place at the
wrong time, and a poor guy inhis sixties who was new on the
wing was caught up in thecrossfire and his face slashed.
He was only going for hismorning shower.
(08:39):
I'll never forget the frightenedlook on the lad's face as he
stumbled to his feet.
In the end, I went from wishingI could help, to wishing I could
leave By 8.45, we were allbanged up and the wing back in
lockdown.
Even us, who work in reception,normally avoid the coal face of
(09:02):
wing life.
The harsh reality is that I'm aprisoner with a prison number
and very little identity orworth in here.
Incidents such as these arehappening a number of times a
day, and nothing seems to bedone about it.
(09:22):
Ironically, on the news,Victoria Derbyshire is reporting
there is a debate with referenceto the suicides in prison.
Apparently a person dies everyfour days.
The head of the Officer'sAssociation says it's the
greatest social injustice of ourtime.
(09:44):
Thankfully we got out to work,but all day I thought about what
happened, how was the kidrecovering, and the other poor
old guy.
Of course, how I wish I was backin a more civil, loving, caring
world with my loved ones.
By tea time, the lad and the oldguy had returned from hospital.
(10:06):
The lad seemed fine back to hisold cocky self, but I sensed, it
was probably masking fear.
The older guy turned out to be areal character and took it all
in his stride.
I gave him four packets of CocoPops and went and found him two
T-shirts.
He was still wearing his rippedbloodstained one from the
(10:27):
morning incident.
He couldn't have been any moregrateful.
His face slashed and scarred forlife, and yet full of gratitude.
It was very humbling.
The highs and lows of HMP, thepowerlessness of being able to
(10:48):
do so little with so littlechoice.
I did not feel angry, bitter, orresentful as I think of the
judge and his cronies who put mein here in the first place, the
reality is that I am here andwhat makes the difference is how
I deal with it, how I get onwith it, and how I progress.
(11:13):
I said earlier it was CreditWednesday.
While the events of todaycatapulted HMP into turmoil,
visits were cancelled.
The first time I've seen thatand testament to the scale and
impact of this morning'sviolence.
At the end of the day, when Ilook forward to ringing T, well,
(11:37):
the VP room was busy withpaedophiles and wrong'uns and
when it wasn't, one of the otherlads was burning into his credit
and catching up with his ownloved ones.
I managed a quick two minutes toT as we were waiting to return
to the wing.
She was worried not having heardfrom me since the morning love
(11:58):
call.
I didn't tell her all thedetails of the day's events,
that would only worry herunnecessarily.
Instead, I told her the dilutedversion and it's always tough to
get a phone on Credit WednesdayOn a final and happier ending, I
did get my washing done.
(12:20):
It's a perk that I value.
Once again, and in jest, thelads bang on about me wearing
Calvins in my fifties.
Even the officers go on aboutthem.
It's funny, but if I didn'tguard them like they were
precious stones, then they'd begone.
(12:42):
The 12th of June, 2016.
It's official.
H, a size 14 and a half shirt,received 32 years and 30 years
rec on Thursday.
Although it's not a surprise,it's still a shock to hear it,
and I didn't even receive it.
(13:04):
I'm curious to ask, but darenot.
But what does a man think ofwhen the harsh reality hits?
What does each feel?
How does a personcompartmentalize his thoughts
and feelings?
In my experience, it's hard toprocess a head fuck.
These lads are doomed in herefor life.
(13:25):
Whilst out there, they're damnedfor life.
The four week overtime ban isover and the old normality is
slowly returning, albeit it'sfar away from being something
that is humane.
I don't complain from my ownposition as I'm cocooned in
reception, but the lads on thewings do have it tough.
(13:49):
Half of the wing is strugglingwith severe mental health
problems and half of them atleast will be on meds.
They should not be in prison,especially the low level stuff
and nonviolent, they need help,not punishment.
I'm months in and return to theobvious question, follow the
(14:13):
money.
Where is 40,000 pounds for eachprisoner going?
The place is cut to the bonewith staff shortages, food not
fit for purpose, and theportions would starve a child,
let alone a man of 160 pounds inweight.
(14:33):
Not happening is the fastestanything gets done, and if you
did a tour of the prison, it's across between an asylum and a
prisoner of war camp and a flytipping site.
I'd like to know what the powersat be really see or think when
they walk from one end of theprison to the other.
(14:54):
It's squalid, dangerous and outof control and unsafe for both
prisoners and staff.
How is this possible?
Rehabilitation doesn't existbecause no one understands what
it means, or worse, no onebelieves in it.
It's a firefighting exerciseevery day, like the prison is on
(15:17):
a life support machine, and allthat's happening is it's being
kept alive, but any quality oflife is over.
Basically nothing gets done.
Scores of private sector as wellas public sector businesses and
quangoes are being paid an eyewatering amount of taxpayers'
money to administer a servicethat is basically not fit for
(15:41):
purpose.
Why and how?
Surely there is a care of dutyto staff and inmates, are the
incidents being logged orburied?
It makes you wonder, is there anamnesia towards logging attacks?
If not, then it implies thejustice and prison services are
(16:02):
failing in their duty, andignoring the data and prisoners'
welfare.
Suicides, self-harming,slashings, drug addiction and
various violent attacks are anendemic culture now and
represent the real true prisonlandscape, but worse, they're
being ignored.
(16:25):
Prison and prison officers arenot equipped, resourced, or
experienced enough to deal withit.
Surprisingly, a number ofofficers are more than okay.
Unfortunately, the all time lowmorale affects inmates to their
detriment.
Caging any animal and abusing itdoes not tame it, nor is it good
(16:48):
for its health and wellbeing oremotional balance.
Men are under extreme pressureto survive in an overcrowded,
squalid Victorian building,built in 1855.
Inmates are forced into a subworld that is lawless, and as a
(17:09):
result, the place is out ofcontrol.
Violence is a bigger currencythan drugs and tobacco.
One of the lads was coshed theother day.
A tin of tuna in a sock andwhack, over the head.
It's a sickening sight.
Another guy, three went in onhim, burst into his pad, and
(17:32):
battered him and broke his jaw.
I see most of these cases downin reception and chat with them
while they're waiting to go tohospital.
I swear, reception is more likea military hospital on the
battlefield than a processinghub.
Imagine you've been battered, avictim in a savage attack and
(17:56):
you have to visit a hospital,handcuffed to an officer.
You're stiched, patched up andthen sent back to here.
I've said many times, there isnothing worse in life than when
you realize no one cares andthere is no one coming to help.
(18:17):
What does the man in the ivorytower, aka, the Governor think
of all of this, I wonder?
Is it the case that people don'twant the truth to get out
because of the size and scale ofthe problem and that a
prosecution and accountabilitywould have to take place and
heads would roll?
(18:37):
Obviously.
Stuck behind my cell door insearing temperatures that drain
you, my solace is writing.
It helps me make sense of thismadness.
Training keeps me fit andstrong, and of course, it's good
for my mental and emotionalhealth.
(18:58):
But there is another reason Itrain hard, and that's if I end
up fighting or I'm attacked.
I'm curling 30 kilos nowadays.
Everything is increased, mystrength, stamina, and speed.
In an environment like this, youdon't get a second chance, and
(19:19):
although my mantra to the guysis, I'm a writer, not a fighter,
if I'm forced to defend myself,there is a fighter in me that
always surprises the attacker.
However, so far, rise above it,soak it up, and in my darkest
(19:39):
hour I feel only love and knowthat I am loved.
They have served me well.
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