May 4, 2025 • 24 mins
What was it like being GW? It was all crazy as fuck. I used to drink a lot, champagne back in those days. Vodka too...
During the three and a half years I was in prison I wrote over a million words by hand. Tales From The Jails is a contemporaneous account of my life, and attempts to thrive rather than merely survive, whilst incarcerated.
Most names have been changed. The events have not.
This is a Jekyll & Pride production.
Producer: Trevessa Newton
Title Music taken from The Confession, on the album Crimes Against Poetry (written and performed by The Shadow Poet, produced by Lance Thomas)
Copyright Jekyll & Pride Ltd 2025
@jekyllandpride2023
@theshadowpoettsp
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Episode 32 Swimming With TheSharks I'm on top bunk,
decompressing, drifting, andwondering.
(00:24):
Freddy and JB have been in tovisit me.
My daughter has graduated, andmy best man's speech for Kinder
was received very well.
His pal, the groom, was thrilledand now Kinder and I are blood
brothers for life.
The lads ask me a lot ofquestions about the old days.
(00:44):
It's becoming a regular thing.
The office came up today.
Where was it?
What was it like?
What did we do?
And did I really wear the whitelinen suit for real, not just a
bet.
Toenails obsesses about it, a smuch as he's obsessed with me.
(01:06):
I always tag the white suitwith, it takes a lot of
confidence to wear a suit likethat, and for as stylish and
ahead of its time as it was,especially in Liverpool, I do
accept for as cool as I thoughtit looked, sadly, the man from
Del Monte was the label thatstuck.
(01:26):
Toenails made the mistake oftrying to embarrass me with what
I wore.
I said in front of the lads,have you been stalking me for
years?
You're infatuated with me.
He mentioned the snake skinboots too, which is true.
I did own them and wear themregularly.
In fact, I had quite a selectionof boots, from what I thought
(01:49):
were cool to super cool.
The snakies, they were myfavourites.
Once again, I said it takes alot of confidence to pull them
off.
Neil, when I was cutting hishair, a number two at the back
and sides and a five on top,pulled me.
(02:10):
Did you really have snakeskinboots G?
I told him of course I did.
I used to wear them all thetime.
I remember bouncing through theairport on my way to the boat.
Neil thought at first I wascatching a ferry, not the boat
on the Med was ours.
He loved that.
In fact, he pulled Toenails atthe table when we were eating
(02:32):
and said outright, you nevertold us G had a boat on the Med.
Toenail's silence was deafening,and it hurt.
Him, not me.
Neil asked me, what was it like?
I paused.
(02:53):
I mean, what the boat?
No, he said, being GW.
I've got to be honest, I wasn'texpecting that, but I flowed as
the clippers cut.
It was all crazy as fuck.
I used to drink a lot, champagneback in those days.
(03:15):
Vodka too.
The last time I picked up adrink, I never put it down for
five years.
I told him, at 19 I had my firstbusiness, my first Jag and my
first AA meeting.
No way! That's what he said.
He spun around in the chair, Inearly cut a number two lane
(03:37):
across the top.
Yeah, plenty of talent, burstingwith potential, very
entrepreneurial, but we alsolove the bright lights, partying
and drinking.
From five years of age.
I had one goal in life, to berich and successful.
(03:59):
He loved that and said, itsounds like a great plan.
And then, he asked me what wasprobably the obvious question,
although I wasn't expecting it.
How did you end up in Walton, G?
Hmm.
That's complicated.
(04:22):
I swam with the sharks for toomany years, especially the
drinking years.
When I wasn't drinking, life gotlift off, unlimited and amazing.
When I picked the drink back up,usually I lost my way, and let
myself down.
It was very much rock and rolluntil 40, no off switch.
(04:44):
That's when I decided either todie or change.
At 40, I had everything a personcould wish for the business, a
beautiful partner and a child, ahouse with a swimming pool, a
boat on the Med, and a fleet ofcars, which included the
Bentley.
I had what appeared to be theperfect life, however, inside I
(05:05):
felt empty.
The highs and lows to reach thispoint and here I was back at the
beginning, drinking again, andunable to stop.
Since my teenage years untilthis point, almost 25 years on,
I'd had a turbulent relationshipwith the bottle.
(05:25):
There were years at a time Ididn't drink, but once I did,
picked it up at first, evenafter five years...
well, I was back at thebeginning and the wheels always
came off.
Neil was silent, listening butshocked.
(05:47):
You really thought about endingit all G?
Yeah.
Many times, I said, but this wasthe strongest feeling.
I wasn't afraid of dying, eventhough I had so much to live
for.
Anyway, e verything had tochange, otherwise I couldn't go
(06:11):
on.
Why would I want to?
No matter how much success ormoney and seemingly the perfect
life, inside something wasmissing and the drink was no
longer my closest friend whoused to fill that empty space.
No, it was my foe, and Dementor.
(06:35):
Everything had to change, andthe process of change began.
Whatever I did from this moment,I just wanted to be the best I
could be, at anything andeverything.
A life plan that ironicallybrought me to this point.
I told him, at 40, I started allover again.
(06:57):
Rebuilding me, no shortcuts.
I wanted to create and buildsomething amazing, more amazing
than before.
Business was always my rehab,and I committed 100%.
New me, new plans, and producingand delivering the best.
(07:17):
The bar was high and every timewe reached it, we raised it
higher.
I invested heavily in allaspects of the business, and if
we committed to doing something,we saw it through to the end.
However, for all my endeavours,the authorities persisted.
(07:40):
I was the best version of methat I'd ever been, but somehow
they didn't see that.
They were causing me, and thebusiness, grief for a handful of
years.
We had them in the officesseveral times, and we always
passed with flying colours, butno matter how good we became, it
was irrelevant.
(08:01):
I had a target on my back.
They were never leaving mealone, merely disrupting me
while they built a case againstme.
Can you believe they launched awhole new department, Scam
Busters, off the back of comingthrough our doors?
It was never heard of afterwardsas they lurched from one crisis
(08:22):
to another when having to defendthemselves from my civil action
against them.
There's loads I could say andwrite, but it becomes a beast of
bigger stories and greaterdramas, and the haircut had
reached as good as it was goingto get.
An artist needs to know when toput the brush down.
(08:43):
Neil was thrilled with the cut,but he didn't want to leave on
cliff hangers.
Love the cut G-Dubz,but whathappened next?
I passed out laughing as Ibrushed him down, cleaned the
clippers and brushed up hishair.
I ended up finishing what Inever intended to start.
(09:04):
I told him the best of meproduced and delivered the best
product in the marketplace, andthe worst of me fell out with a
lot of people in the process.
Just as we were on the eve ofliftoff, things happening fast
and going in the rightdirection, plans to move to
California...
Well, they burst through myoffice doors and derailed
(09:26):
everything.
I look back now and think, wow,not many people get moments in
their life like that.
Everything changed.
All of our lives changed.
Innocent people caught up in thefallout.
It was horrendous.
We challenged it legally, amultimillion pound claim against
(09:49):
the loss of the business andsubsequently everything else.
My version of events isstraightforward.
I was expecting as much as 10million pounds in compensation,
instead I received seven years.
Neil summed it up perfectly.
(10:11):
Just think G, there'd be nosalon and I'd be fucked for my
visit tomorrow.
I told him his missus will bewaiting for him faithfully if he
keeps rocking up on visitslooking like Brad Pitt.
He loved that.
(10:33):
In HMP, moods change as quicklyas the weather.
One minute there's some sunshineand a minute later it's storms.
Honestly, the lads can belaughing around the table,
playing cards, cracking jokesand gags like Peter Kay, and
then from nowhere it's fireworksand hurricanes with lads arguing
and fighting.
(10:55):
I was awake early this morning.
5:00 AM is becoming a regularthing.
The night officer had flashedhis torch through the slit an
hour earlier, just to check wehadn't escaped or hung
ourselves.
I smile as I write, because it'sonly a few nights ago, we had to
(11:17):
press the buzzer to let theofficer know he hadn't locked
our door.
Big Reeve and I agreed not totell the lads or mention it to
another officer.
We didn't know how it would godown amongst the other lads and
other officers, and at the leastthe officer will be reprimanded
(11:38):
if he's outed.
Can you imagine two inmates notbeing locked up?
The potential problems andrepercussions?
We couldn't have necessarilyescaped, but think for a moment
about the potential for whatcould have happened.
It was awkward, but it had to bedone.
For ours and the officer's sake,we discreetly made him aware of
(12:02):
the mishap.
My six week old mattress is nowa concrete slab with a dent in
the middle.
My back is twisted, and now Ihave a frozen shoulder too, from
sleeping on one side.
I'm facing the wall.
I'd rather face the wall thanthe toilet.
I feel as though I'm in someform of psychological
(12:23):
experiment, deprived of sleep inan attempt to break my spirits.
It's not unusual to spend hourslying awake on one's bunk and
pondering one's life andpredicament.
I think about who, the other menwho will have occupied this cell
over the years, thinking thesame, what the fuck, thoughts.
(12:50):
Most days it's carpe diem forme.
The morning love call sets me upfor the day, but not today.
It's Friday and T's in workbefore we are unlocked.
Big Reeve tends to be a grinchof a morning and I can sense
he's losing patience with mypositive spirits.
(13:11):
I've written many times, guyswant you to suffer when they
suffer, and happiness can beannoying.
Work is a double-edged sword.
We're off the wings.
A few perks and regular gym, butit can also be a hornets' nest.
Today was a perfect example.
(13:32):
Buffer Gate.
The Glumster, whose verbalcontribution to most things is,
I'm not happy, was deeplyunhappy this morning.
Another case of it soundridiculous but true.
The Glumster nominated himselfto buff the reception floors.
(13:53):
Somewhere in a previous life hemust have buffed away.
Now my instinct screamed, crackon and leave him to it.
And to be honest, it's thehappiest we've seen him.
But as with many events in here,happiness creates friction.
This morning, a couple of thelads not only jumped on the
(14:16):
buffer before the Glumster, butalso, we thought it was about
time someone else had a go.
Well, I've highlighted along theway, if you are winning some
favour or approval, especiallyfrom officers, well, guys swarm
like flies around a cow pat.
Glumster loves to complain.
(14:38):
One of his gripes is there isnever enough to do down in the
workplace, and he loves tovolunteer himself for most
tasks.
Ironically, then he moans therest of us are lazy.
Depending on which day it is,which moments and which people,
it can be entertaining orgnawing.
(15:00):
Anyway, he threw a strop, cursedthe lads for playing with his
buffer and sunk a packet ofcustard creams quicker than he
could drink a cup of tea.
The biscuits were pure comfortfood, and 10 minutes later, he
asked me would help him with hishomework.
Honestly, it's surreal.
(15:22):
The other lads were miffed withhim, although not saying it to
his face.
Their argument was, why shouldhe get all the credit, because
they're cleaning toilets andshowers while he is acting like
teacher's pet.
I challenged the kid and said,are you really going to say that
to him?
(15:43):
We all knew it was a no.
Glumster is a giant of a man,hands the size of coal shovels
and strong.
He could squeeze the air out ofa man twice his size without
trying.
He's a cross between a gentlegiant and a depressed psycho and
he's super OCD.
(16:04):
Today Big Reeve was on trolleyduty to the kitchen, and Mr.
H laughed in my direction andasked me did a fancy a trip?
It was a beautiful evening forlife behind the high walls and
barbed wire.
It's about a hundred meters fromthe card table to the kitchen,
albeit there are about threesteel gates and doors to pass
(16:26):
through.
Reeve had been moody all day.
Time in here is getting to himand the separation from his
partner and the kids, well, it'sstarting to show.
I'm conscious that on days liketoday, keep apart.
We're padded up together, wework together, and basically we
(16:48):
spend too much time together.
I'd only decided to walk over asa break from the oppressiveness
indoors, and Reeve had as theday progressed seemingly
levelled his moodiness.
He seemed laid back during thecards.
However, for as much as I likethe big guy, he has a track
(17:12):
record for flareups.
It began over milk.
He took offence from nowhere andthen suddenly became rude to me
then aggressive.
Thankfully, we were a littlelater than usual and the
kitchens were quieter, but stillenough lads around to capture
the escalation.
(17:32):
Mr.
H had to step in between us.
I had not provoked him in anyway, but I was also not prepared
to be abused verbally orphysically.
Mr.
H asked me to go outside.
At first, I thought, what thefuck?
But Big Reeve is like a pressurecooker lately and on occasions
(17:54):
an unpleasantness has crept inalbeit, not usually in my
direction.
I suppose my real shock wasn'tsquaring up to him.
No, it was the venom heprojected towards me.
One of the lads shouted over,aren't you two padded up
(18:16):
together?
Wish I was on B Wing tonight.
I must admit it was on my mind.
Lads, pad mates falling out, canhave serious consequences and
when it goes off behind thedoor, it does not end until
someone goes silent.
(18:37):
Just as I was wondering, will webe separated from this point on,
new pad mates sort of thing,Reeve appeared with Mr.
H.
I opened my arms and wrapped onearound him and made light of the
situation.
Too much testosterone.
Mr.
H asked us both together, iseverything cool?
(19:01):
Well, we both nodded likenaughty school boys.
Within the space of 10 minutes,we'd gone from laughing at the
card table to a major flare upto, let's eat and put it behind
us.
I'm lucky I can put thingsbehind me quickly.
I don't fester or bear grudges.
I chose not to say anything whenwe returned, although it was
(19:24):
only a matter of time before itwas raging through the prison
like a bush fire.
Once again, I was at the centreof it.
Just when a late night would'vecome in handy, we were treated
to an early one.
Mr.
H was the first to out theincident and Toenails headed
(19:45):
straight to Reeve.
He was hoping it was going to gooff the moment we were locked up
and behind the door.
Obviously Big Reeve in everybodyelse's eyes was odds on to fill
me in.
By the time we reached the wing,it was clear the entertainment
had already begun.
One of the lads who was in thejester stripes, basically an
(20:09):
outfit worn by lads who havetried to escape or are suspected
of plotting to escape.
It was young David, a Scouser.
He was in for multiple armedrobberies, and we'd heard
earlier in the day that somebodywas on the nets, but we didn't
expect he would still be therewhen we got back.
I interpreted it as a crossbetween a protest, a cry for
(20:31):
help and attention.
Apparently he bounced onto thenets when he was let out from
the cell for lunch.
Mr.
H's final words as he closed ourcell door was, don't become the
entertainment for the wingtonight lads.
Both Reeve and I in harmony,replied with, yeah, we're cool.
(20:56):
It is a serious thing.
There are incidents when one padmate is murdered, smothered his
pad mate through the night,usually over something silly.
At 8:00 PM David progressed fromlively to playing up for the
crowd, and not for the firsttime today the wing took off.
(21:16):
Shouts through the doors variedbetween supporters, go on our
kid...
to, dickhead! I was moreconcerned about the state of his
mental and emotional health.
The asylum zoo gained liftoffwith talk of the nationals
coming in.
Apparently they have to wire up,zip wires or something,
(21:39):
mountaineering equipment.
Anyway, usually once they'vegrabbed you, it's down to the
Block and a proper hiding.
My concern is, David is a type 1diabetic.
Reeve said he's due forsentencing next week and expects
to receive 18 to 20 years.
(21:59):
The zoo outside was goading himand he was bouncing around on
the nets like he was an Olympianon acid.
Smurf made me laugh.
Calling through the pipes fromnext door.
Evening G-Dubz, are you stillalive?
Before spending the next 30minutes pouring his heart out
(22:20):
about how down he is.
I was conscious Reeve didn'thave the patience for this, but
what could I do?
As Reeve pointed out, Smurfbounces around all day and then
pours his heart out to methrough the pipes at night.
However, tonight he was moreentertaining.
(22:43):
Apparently, when he did thenets, there were 10 of them,
boozed up and on the gear.
He said it was like a trampolinesession for 14 hours in front of
the nationals.
Even we found that funny.
Thankfully at just gone nine,David came off the nets
willingly just as the nationalsturned up and he saw the writing
(23:05):
on the wall.
Without any hassle, he wasescorted the Block to the roar
and approval from the lads.
To me, it was clear he's gotissues and being slammed next
week with a life-changingsentence has tipped him over the
edge.
I don't think he's 30 years ofage.
(23:25):
The next 20 years of his lifewill be split, half in prison
and the other half on licencewith heavy MAPPA conditions.
He'll be my age before he comesout of the tailspin, and that's
if he's lucky.
The beginning of his sentenceand nightmare is starting in the
Block.
(23:47):
I forgot to say, Paul pulled meearlier.
Dan had told him that Reeve hadmentioned the confrontation.
By all accounts, Reeve genuinelyregretted acting out of order,
which I do appreciate, but whatmade me laugh was that he was
quick to inform Dan that he wastaken completely by surprise,
(24:09):
apparently, how I'd responded insuch a feisty way.
Even Paul thought that I hadn'tdone myself any harm.
Reeve told Dan that I was a darkhorse.
Apparently he said I'd changedfrom Mr.
Writer to Mr.
Fighter, and everyone saw it,although nobody expected it.
(24:30):
24 hours in HMP.
Episode 32 Swimming With TheSharks I'm on top bunk,
decompressing, drifting, andwondering.
(00:24):
Freddy and JB have been in tovisit me.
My daughter has graduated, andmy best man's speech for Kinder
was received very well.
His pal, the groom, was thrilledand now Kinder and I are blood
brothers for life.
The lads ask me a lot ofquestions about the old days.
(00:44):
It's becoming a regular thing.
The office came up today.
Where was it?
What was it like?
What did we do?
And did I really wear the whitelinen suit for real, not just a
bet.
Toenails obsesses about it, a smuch as he's obsessed with me.
(01:06):
I always tag the white suitwith, it takes a lot of
confidence to wear a suit likethat, and for as stylish and
ahead of its time as it was,especially in Liverpool, I do
accept for as cool as I thoughtit looked, sadly, the man from
Del Monte was the label thatstuck.
(01:26):
Toenails made the mistake oftrying to embarrass me with what
I wore.
I said in front of the lads,have you been stalking me for
years?
You're infatuated with me.
He mentioned the snake skinboots too, which is true.
I did own them and wear themregularly.
In fact, I had quite a selectionof boots, from what I thought
(01:49):
were cool to super cool.
The snakies, they were myfavourites.
Once again, I said it takes alot of confidence to pull them
off.
Neil, when I was cutting hishair, a number two at the back
and sides and a five on top,pulled me.
(02:10):
Did you really have snakeskinboots G?
I told him of course I did.
I used to wear them all thetime.
I remember bouncing through theairport on my way to the boat.
Neil thought at first I wascatching a ferry, not the boat
on the Med was ours.
He loved that.
In fact, he pulled Toenails atthe table when we were eating
(02:32):
and said outright, you nevertold us G had a boat on the Med.
Toenail's silence was deafening,and it hurt.
Him, not me.
Neil asked me, what was it like?
I paused.
(02:53):
I mean, what the boat?
No, he said, being GW.
I've got to be honest, I wasn'texpecting that, but I flowed as
the clippers cut.
It was all crazy as fuck.
I used to drink a lot, champagneback in those days.
(03:15):
Vodka too.
The last time I picked up adrink, I never put it down for
five years.
I told him, at 19 I had my firstbusiness, my first Jag and my
first AA meeting.
No way! That's what he said.
He spun around in the chair, Inearly cut a number two lane
(03:37):
across the top.
Yeah, plenty of talent, burstingwith potential, very
entrepreneurial, but we alsolove the bright lights, partying
and drinking.
From five years of age.
I had one goal in life, to berich and successful.
(03:59):
He loved that and said, itsounds like a great plan.
And then, he asked me what wasprobably the obvious question,
although I wasn't expecting it.
How did you end up in Walton, G?
Hmm.
That's complicated.
(04:22):
I swam with the sharks for toomany years, especially the
drinking years.
When I wasn't drinking, life gotlift off, unlimited and amazing.
When I picked the drink back up,usually I lost my way, and let
myself down.
It was very much rock and rolluntil 40, no off switch.
(04:44):
That's when I decided either todie or change.
At 40, I had everything a personcould wish for the business, a
beautiful partner and a child, ahouse with a swimming pool, a
boat on the Med, and a fleet ofcars, which included the
Bentley.
I had what appeared to be theperfect life, however, inside I
(05:05):
felt empty.
The highs and lows to reach thispoint and here I was back at the
beginning, drinking again, andunable to stop.
Since my teenage years untilthis point, almost 25 years on,
I'd had a turbulent relationshipwith the bottle.
(05:25):
There were years at a time Ididn't drink, but once I did,
picked it up at first, evenafter five years...
well, I was back at thebeginning and the wheels always
came off.
Neil was silent, listening butshocked.
(05:47):
You really thought about endingit all G?
Yeah.
Many times, I said, but this wasthe strongest feeling.
I wasn't afraid of dying, eventhough I had so much to live
for.
Anyway, e verything had tochange, otherwise I couldn't go
(06:11):
on.
Why would I want to?
No matter how much success ormoney and seemingly the perfect
life, inside something wasmissing and the drink was no
longer my closest friend whoused to fill that empty space.
No, it was my foe, and Dementor.
(06:35):
Everything had to change, andthe process of change began.
Whatever I did from this moment,I just wanted to be the best I
could be, at anything andeverything.
A life plan that ironicallybrought me to this point.
I told him, at 40, I started allover again.
(06:57):
Rebuilding me, no shortcuts.
I wanted to create and buildsomething amazing, more amazing
than before.
Business was always my rehab,and I committed 100%.
New me, new plans, and producingand delivering the best.
(07:17):
The bar was high and every timewe reached it, we raised it
higher.
I invested heavily in allaspects of the business, and if
we committed to doing something,we saw it through to the end.
However, for all my endeavours,the authorities persisted.
(07:40):
I was the best version of methat I'd ever been, but somehow
they didn't see that.
They were causing me, and thebusiness, grief for a handful of
years.
We had them in the officesseveral times, and we always
passed with flying colours, butno matter how good we became, it
was irrelevant.
(08:01):
I had a target on my back.
They were never leaving mealone, merely disrupting me
while they built a case againstme.
Can you believe they launched awhole new department, Scam
Busters, off the back of comingthrough our doors?
It was never heard of afterwardsas they lurched from one crisis
(08:22):
to another when having to defendthemselves from my civil action
against them.
There's loads I could say andwrite, but it becomes a beast of
bigger stories and greaterdramas, and the haircut had
reached as good as it was goingto get.
An artist needs to know when toput the brush down.
(08:43):
Neil was thrilled with the cut,but he didn't want to leave on
cliff hangers.
Love the cut G-Dubz,but whathappened next?
I passed out laughing as Ibrushed him down, cleaned the
clippers and brushed up hishair.
I ended up finishing what Inever intended to start.
(09:04):
I told him the best of meproduced and delivered the best
product in the marketplace, andthe worst of me fell out with a
lot of people in the process.
Just as we were on the eve ofliftoff, things happening fast
and going in the rightdirection, plans to move to
California...
Well, they burst through myoffice doors and derailed
(09:26):
everything.
I look back now and think, wow,not many people get moments in
their life like that.
Everything changed.
All of our lives changed.
Innocent people caught up in thefallout.
It was horrendous.
We challenged it legally, amultimillion pound claim against
(09:49):
the loss of the business andsubsequently everything else.
My version of events isstraightforward.
I was expecting as much as 10million pounds in compensation,
instead I received seven years.
Neil summed it up perfectly.
(10:11):
Just think G, there'd be nosalon and I'd be fucked for my
visit tomorrow.
I told him his missus will bewaiting for him faithfully if he
keeps rocking up on visitslooking like Brad Pitt.
He loved that.
(10:33):
In HMP, moods change as quicklyas the weather.
One minute there's some sunshineand a minute later it's storms.
Honestly, the lads can belaughing around the table,
playing cards, cracking jokesand gags like Peter Kay, and
then from nowhere it's fireworksand hurricanes with lads arguing
and fighting.
(10:55):
I was awake early this morning.
5:00 AM is becoming a regularthing.
The night officer had flashedhis torch through the slit an
hour earlier, just to check wehadn't escaped or hung
ourselves.
I smile as I write, because it'sonly a few nights ago, we had to
(11:17):
press the buzzer to let theofficer know he hadn't locked
our door.
Big Reeve and I agreed not totell the lads or mention it to
another officer.
We didn't know how it would godown amongst the other lads and
other officers, and at the leastthe officer will be reprimanded
(11:38):
if he's outed.
Can you imagine two inmates notbeing locked up?
The potential problems andrepercussions?
We couldn't have necessarilyescaped, but think for a moment
about the potential for whatcould have happened.
It was awkward, but it had to bedone.
For ours and the officer's sake,we discreetly made him aware of
(12:02):
the mishap.
My six week old mattress is nowa concrete slab with a dent in
the middle.
My back is twisted, and now Ihave a frozen shoulder too, from
sleeping on one side.
I'm facing the wall.
I'd rather face the wall thanthe toilet.
I feel as though I'm in someform of psychological
(12:23):
experiment, deprived of sleep inan attempt to break my spirits.
It's not unusual to spend hourslying awake on one's bunk and
pondering one's life andpredicament.
I think about who, the other menwho will have occupied this cell
over the years, thinking thesame, what the fuck, thoughts.
(12:50):
Most days it's carpe diem forme.
The morning love call sets me upfor the day, but not today.
It's Friday and T's in workbefore we are unlocked.
Big Reeve tends to be a grinchof a morning and I can sense
he's losing patience with mypositive spirits.
(13:11):
I've written many times, guyswant you to suffer when they
suffer, and happiness can beannoying.
Work is a double-edged sword.
We're off the wings.
A few perks and regular gym, butit can also be a hornets' nest.
Today was a perfect example.
(13:32):
Buffer Gate.
The Glumster, whose verbalcontribution to most things is,
I'm not happy, was deeplyunhappy this morning.
Another case of it soundridiculous but true.
The Glumster nominated himselfto buff the reception floors.
(13:53):
Somewhere in a previous life hemust have buffed away.
Now my instinct screamed, crackon and leave him to it.
And to be honest, it's thehappiest we've seen him.
But as with many events in here,happiness creates friction.
This morning, a couple of thelads not only jumped on the
(14:16):
buffer before the Glumster, butalso, we thought it was about
time someone else had a go.
Well, I've highlighted along theway, if you are winning some
favour or approval, especiallyfrom officers, well, guys swarm
like flies around a cow pat.
Glumster loves to complain.
(14:38):
One of his gripes is there isnever enough to do down in the
workplace, and he loves tovolunteer himself for most
tasks.
Ironically, then he moans therest of us are lazy.
Depending on which day it is,which moments and which people,
it can be entertaining orgnawing.
(15:00):
Anyway, he threw a strop, cursedthe lads for playing with his
buffer and sunk a packet ofcustard creams quicker than he
could drink a cup of tea.
The biscuits were pure comfortfood, and 10 minutes later, he
asked me would help him with hishomework.
Honestly, it's surreal.
(15:22):
The other lads were miffed withhim, although not saying it to
his face.
Their argument was, why shouldhe get all the credit, because
they're cleaning toilets andshowers while he is acting like
teacher's pet.
I challenged the kid and said,are you really going to say that
to him?
(15:43):
We all knew it was a no.
Glumster is a giant of a man,hands the size of coal shovels
and strong.
He could squeeze the air out ofa man twice his size without
trying.
He's a cross between a gentlegiant and a depressed psycho and
he's super OCD.
(16:04):
Today Big Reeve was on trolleyduty to the kitchen, and Mr.
H laughed in my direction andasked me did a fancy a trip?
It was a beautiful evening forlife behind the high walls and
barbed wire.
It's about a hundred meters fromthe card table to the kitchen,
albeit there are about threesteel gates and doors to pass
(16:26):
through.
Reeve had been moody all day.
Time in here is getting to himand the separation from his
partner and the kids, well, it'sstarting to show.
I'm conscious that on days liketoday, keep apart.
We're padded up together, wework together, and basically we
(16:48):
spend too much time together.
I'd only decided to walk over asa break from the oppressiveness
indoors, and Reeve had as theday progressed seemingly
levelled his moodiness.
He seemed laid back during thecards.
However, for as much as I likethe big guy, he has a track
(17:12):
record for flareups.
It began over milk.
He took offence from nowhere andthen suddenly became rude to me
then aggressive.
Thankfully, we were a littlelater than usual and the
kitchens were quieter, but stillenough lads around to capture
the escalation.
(17:32):
Mr.
H had to step in between us.
I had not provoked him in anyway, but I was also not prepared
to be abused verbally orphysically.
Mr.
H asked me to go outside.
At first, I thought, what thefuck?
But Big Reeve is like a pressurecooker lately and on occasions
(17:54):
an unpleasantness has crept inalbeit, not usually in my
direction.
I suppose my real shock wasn'tsquaring up to him.
No, it was the venom heprojected towards me.
One of the lads shouted over,aren't you two padded up
(18:16):
together?
Wish I was on B Wing tonight.
I must admit it was on my mind.
Lads, pad mates falling out, canhave serious consequences and
when it goes off behind thedoor, it does not end until
someone goes silent.
(18:37):
Just as I was wondering, will webe separated from this point on,
new pad mates sort of thing,Reeve appeared with Mr.
H.
I opened my arms and wrapped onearound him and made light of the
situation.
Too much testosterone.
Mr.
H asked us both together, iseverything cool?
(19:01):
Well, we both nodded likenaughty school boys.
Within the space of 10 minutes,we'd gone from laughing at the
card table to a major flare upto, let's eat and put it behind
us.
I'm lucky I can put thingsbehind me quickly.
I don't fester or bear grudges.
I chose not to say anything whenwe returned, although it was
(19:24):
only a matter of time before itwas raging through the prison
like a bush fire.
Once again, I was at the centreof it.
Just when a late night would'vecome in handy, we were treated
to an early one.
Mr.
H was the first to out theincident and Toenails headed
(19:45):
straight to Reeve.
He was hoping it was going to gooff the moment we were locked up
and behind the door.
Obviously Big Reeve in everybodyelse's eyes was odds on to fill
me in.
By the time we reached the wing,it was clear the entertainment
had already begun.
One of the lads who was in thejester stripes, basically an
(20:09):
outfit worn by lads who havetried to escape or are suspected
of plotting to escape.
It was young David, a Scouser.
He was in for multiple armedrobberies, and we'd heard
earlier in the day that somebodywas on the nets, but we didn't
expect he would still be therewhen we got back.
I interpreted it as a crossbetween a protest, a cry for
(20:31):
help and attention.
Apparently he bounced onto thenets when he was let out from
the cell for lunch.
Mr.
H's final words as he closed ourcell door was, don't become the
entertainment for the wingtonight lads.
Both Reeve and I in harmony,replied with, yeah, we're cool.
(20:56):
It is a serious thing.
There are incidents when one padmate is murdered, smothered his
pad mate through the night,usually over something silly.
At 8:00 PM David progressed fromlively to playing up for the
crowd, and not for the firsttime today the wing took off.
(21:16):
Shouts through the doors variedbetween supporters, go on our
kid...
to, dickhead! I was moreconcerned about the state of his
mental and emotional health.
The asylum zoo gained liftoffwith talk of the nationals
coming in.
Apparently they have to wire up,zip wires or something,
(21:39):
mountaineering equipment.
Anyway, usually once they'vegrabbed you, it's down to the
Block and a proper hiding.
My concern is, David is a type 1diabetic.
Reeve said he's due forsentencing next week and expects
to receive 18 to 20 years.
(21:59):
The zoo outside was goading himand he was bouncing around on
the nets like he was an Olympianon acid.
Smurf made me laugh.
Calling through the pipes fromnext door.
Evening G-Dubz, are you stillalive?
Before spending the next 30minutes pouring his heart out
(22:20):
about how down he is.
I was conscious Reeve didn'thave the patience for this, but
what could I do?
As Reeve pointed out, Smurfbounces around all day and then
pours his heart out to methrough the pipes at night.
However, tonight he was moreentertaining.
(22:43):
Apparently, when he did thenets, there were 10 of them,
boozed up and on the gear.
He said it was like a trampolinesession for 14 hours in front of
the nationals.
Even we found that funny.
Thankfully at just gone nine,David came off the nets
willingly just as the nationalsturned up and he saw the writing
(23:05):
on the wall.
Without any hassle, he wasescorted the Block to the roar
and approval from the lads.
To me, it was clear he's gotissues and being slammed next
week with a life-changingsentence has tipped him over the
edge.
I don't think he's 30 years ofage.
(23:25):
The next 20 years of his lifewill be split, half in prison
and the other half on licencewith heavy MAPPA conditions.
He'll be my age before he comesout of the tailspin, and that's
if he's lucky.
The beginning of his sentenceand nightmare is starting in the
Block.
(23:47):
I forgot to say, Paul pulled meearlier.
Dan had told him that Reeve hadmentioned the confrontation.
By all accounts, Reeve genuinelyregretted acting out of order,
which I do appreciate, but whatmade me laugh was that he was
quick to inform Dan that he wastaken completely by surprise,
(24:09):
apparently, how I'd responded insuch a feisty way.
Even Paul thought that I hadn'tdone myself any harm.
Reeve told Dan that I was a darkhorse.
Apparently he said I'd changedfrom Mr.
Writer to Mr.
Fighter, and everyone saw it,although nobody expected it.
(24:30):
24 hours in HMP.
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