Episode Transcript
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During the three and a halfyears I was in prison, I wrote
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over a million words by hand.
Tales from the Jails is acontemporaneous account of my
life, and attempts to thriverather than merely survive
whilst incarcerated.
Most names have been changed,but the events have not.
Episode 42 Extreme Days DramaticNights We were up early this
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morning.
News was on by 6.35.
Little did we know we were partof a small but significant piece
of history in the making.
The morning began pretty muchthe same as usual.
Leap off top bunk, kettle on,news on, coffee made, news
watched, bathroom, then apatient wait for the door to be
unlocked.
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Then off to make the morninglove call.
After speaking to T, it feelslike a shot of adrenaline and
easier to face the unpredictablegrind.
However, by 8.20, my instinctsscreamed, we're in for a big
day.
The door was not unlocked andneither were there any officers
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on the wing.
9 o'clock and still no show.
Anything is possible in here.
The number one speculation isthat pads are being spun because
of the drone activity lastnight.
I swear the only thing missingwas the Mission Impossible music
playing.
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Firstly, there is theunmistakable sound of the
propellers whirring.
They fly in, hover for a moment,then move, and then hover again.
Even if we cannot see it fromthe broken window in the en
suite, you can visualise itsmovements and manoeuvres purely
by the sound.
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Last night was more likesquadrons of them.
The place is flooded with allkinds of drugs, phones and
weapons.
The lack of staff, especially atnight, is leaving prisons across
the country vulnerable toincreasing drone drop-offs.
The package, or parcel as thelads like to call them, just
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hangs from a line and is easilyhooked in from the lads in the
cell.
It's fascinating entertainmentwhen it's early on, normally
between 10 and midnight.
But lately they've been as lateas 3 and 4 in the morning.
Last night it was just gone 10.
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Macca said they must have beenwatching I'm a Celebrity.
It's presently number one inhere.
So funny, listening to the ladstalk about it, it's like prison
Gogglebox.
Last night was also anothersmall piece of history.
It was a supermoon.
Apparently the closest since1948.
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Well, that's what it said on thenews.
Macca is a heavy sleeper.
The sound from the drones isalmost a lullaby.
And once he's gone, he isn'twaking for anything.
He sleeps through the lights onmoments halfway through the
night, misses the soundscapethat often emanates from the
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block for hours.
Honestly, you would think he wason heavyweight sleeping pills,
only that I know he isn't.
Me?
I toss and turn, have a badback, frozen shoulder and a
lively mind.
It's 9.20.
Can you believe it, a prisonmemo posted under our cell door,
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it's industrial action.
We were in lockdown and wouldremain so until further notice.
We put the news back on.
The reporter said that theaction was historic.
We knew there would be noescaping to work today.
Macca said, this my friend, isreal jail.
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The 10 o'clock news was livewith Rolf, with footage of him
outside Pentonville prison.
We heard an officer beforetelling our neighbour through
the door that prison on TV hadbeen the final straw.
To him and the majority ofofficers it was sickening to
watch the mobile phone footagetaken inside the prison, which
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had gone viral on the web andsocial media.
Rolf has said on the news thathis officers aren't safe, and
that two officers had beenresponsible for 120 lads on a
wing, and this was unacceptable.
I've been writing about thisstuff for months.
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Disappointingly, as a result weare suffering as we're caught up
between the politics of theunions and the standoffs with
the Government.
Apparently prison officers arenot allowed to strike, and
that's why this is historic.
Absolutely no one gives a fuckabout inmates, as if things
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could not get any worse.
The irony was that the news toldus more than the memo, which I
noted said'I', as in theGovernor, but wasn't signed by
him.
The blame thrower was out beforefive past 10 on the news.
In here it's not restless, butchaos and mayhem, now that our
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fellow inmates know what's goingon.
Worse though, for the lads withparcels delivered last night, is
that the goods are still stuckin the pad, and that's a head
fuck inside a pressure cookerfor the recipient.
Lads are shouting obscenitiesnow, mixed with cries for toilet
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rolls, which was really just anopportunity to find out what was
going on.
This is quickly drowned out bythe banging, screaming, and
madness that erupts.
It's ten past 10 in the morning,T will be gutted I haven't made
a love call and worried too,even though she's become
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accustomed to it of late.
A real prison widow.
Hopefully she's caught some ofit on the news or on the way to
work, or she's probably tried tocall in, although no one's
manning the phones at this end.
Even though the place haserupted into a frenzy, time
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still passes slowly.
Lunch is normally between 1130and noon.
It's the barometer of allprisons.
Food and mealtimes are theobsession of prisoners and
prison officers.
There are lads behind the doorwho don't have a kettle.
They haven't been able to getout of their cells for some hot
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water just to make a brew.
Noon.
Still no food and the place hasgone nuclear.
It's more aggressive and farmore disturbing now.
Lads who are not used to gettingtheir own way appear to be the
loudest and most violent andwound up, and the no food show
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is the spark needed forcombustion.
Lads aren't just angry.
They're psychotic.
Half the wing, so half theproportionality of half the
prison, will not have eatensince five o'clock last night.
It was 10 to two when we heardthe noise out on the wing.
Civvies from somewhere callingdoor to door, distributing food.
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We've no idea what it is yet,but a really sweet, polite young
woman can be heard asking cellto cell, is anybody a
vegetarian?
It's madness.
Filth and baseness is beinghurled at them from the lads
behind the doors, and they'rejust politely handing out the
food.
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It's quite sickening.
Whoever these people are,they're feeding us and this is
how they're being treated.
It's shameful as much as it'sdisgusting.
To our surprise, a femaleGovernor unlocked our door.
The chaplain was stood behindher.
Macca and I seized theopportunity to ask polite
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questions as she deliveredlunch.
A goodie bag containing asandwich, a packet of fake
crisps, a Twix, and an orangethat looked like it had been
left on the shelf for a week.
She knew us from reception, andI get on great with the
chaplain.
My question was simple.
Do you think we'll get out laterso I can use the phone?
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Her face said more than the oneword answer.
Unlikely.
Then she asked us if we were ona visit, because if we were,
they've been cancelled, sobatten down the hatches for a
bumpy ride.
With that, she locked us backup.
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The chaplain didn't even get achance to ask us if we were all
right.
That was quite awkward.
Visits cancelled, no phones orcontact with the outside world.
The only meaningful contact wehave and BOOM.
One of the lads has just foundout visits has been cancelled.
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More surprises.
The local BBC news is outsidethe prison, and officers are
striking outside the prison.
That's surreal.
They'll be gutted when they seethis.
Not very flattering.
And the whole of the cityknowing you're a prison officer,
where are their heads at?
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Beyond the door the femaleGovernor is on the receiving end
of substantial abuse, a sign thelads have gone way beyond caring
about consequences.
I think she must be hesitant bynow, opening the doors to serve
dodgy food and bad news allround.
There are significant risks andimplications at play.
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What if an inmate has a strokeor a heart attack?
What happens if they go to warwith each other in the cell?
What happens if there's a fire?
The national industrial actioncould have fatal consequences
for an inmate.
Also, the court trials have beenstopped and no legal visits.
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They're cancelled.
Unprecedented the Governor hascalled it.
The thing I often think is whyor how would you let your wife
or daughter work in such awretched place?
It's a corrosive career.
Lads in Cat D will also be inlockdown.
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No Nirvana there today.
Instead, it's Cat D blues.
No visits, no workouts, and nohome leaves.
That will be a proper head fuck.
It's 5.35.
Oh my God.
The place is rioting.
All behind the doors andcontained, but on the verge of a
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full scale meltdown.
Our evening meal has not yetarrived.
And if it does, I fear for thepeople delivering it, especially
the abuse they're going toreceive.
This is really intimidatingstuff right here and right now.
Incredible but true,my pad mateis sleeping like a snoring
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baby,oblivious to thepandemonium that surrounds us.
Thankfully, I've got enoughporridge for a couple of days,
milk and coffee too.
I make the porridge with hotwater and my pad mate has kindly
given me a bag of raisins andsultanas.
They transform the porridge.
We're not showered, and a sinkwash will be the closest thing
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to it.
Another crazy update.
The Governor is saying that theaction is unauthorised.
It's a dead cert officers willbe in the pub after a tough
day's action in front of thepress.
The irony is, we're in lockdownand officers are swilling pints
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in jubilant spirits.
Imagine being banged up in acell all day.
It's chaos beyond the door andyou're subject to Christmas ads
playing every 12 minutes on TV,on almost every channel.
Even the news talks about it.
Chaos aside, England plays Spaintonight and it's on TV, as long
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as the power does not gooff,lads trying to charge mobile
phones and fucking it up foreveryone.
At least the match is somethingto look forward to.
It's been a long, slow day incell 3-17.
The uncertainty adds to theanxiety, and we have no idea
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what's going on, how long we'llbe kept like this.
It seems strange contemplatingthat the old routine, no matter
how frenetic, somehow seemsappealing right now.
T will have left work now andprobably trying to find out
what's going on.
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Her and thousand of loved onesall over the country will be
worried sick.
They're aware that in prisonslike this, it's a daily powder
keg and prolonged lockdownscreate violence and mayhem.
Not to mention the mental andemotional stress inmates are
enduring.
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The lads on meds are goingberserk.
No service so far.
This is bad, screaming, where'smy fucking meds?
One actually shouted, if I die,I'm fucking suing you.
One lad is butting the door andat least four have smashed the
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glass in the flap.
You can hear the shatter out onthe landing.
Can you believe it, it's 6.40and no one has been fed.
We're two hours overdue and theBBC have just announced that the
action is over for now.
An officer has suddenly appearedon the wing and to be fair, he's
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taking the time to visit eachdoor and speak to the lads.
He's getting more grief over theno food show than anything.
Much worse than the girlssuffered earlier.
Oh, the lads are raging.
No meds is being raised a lot.
We can hear it from our cell.
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The toilet rolls are an issuetoo.
Imagine, this is happening inprisons everywhere.
An 85,000 prison population inchaos.
Meltdown, rioting, no meds, nofood.
Suddenly there's a cheer and Ican hear a food trolley rattling
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onto the wing.
Another cell by cell delivery.
We're at the far end, so servedlast.
We can hear a couple of officersand civvy staff.
The closer they get, the worsethe abuse.
Honestly, it's a cross betweenan asylum and a zoo.
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Maybe officers suddenly feelthey should have stayed on
strike.
Then from nowhere, the waft ofgreen.
If I closed my eyes, it couldhave been an Amsterdam coffee
shop.
So funny.
It must be getting sucked outonto the wing when the officer
opens the door.
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Lads are making comments, shoutouts.
Imagine if you've run out ofburn or tobacco.
It's a complete head fuck.
Mr.
O unlocked the door and theabuse outside flooded into our
cell like it was surround soundoff each bare wall.
For as caustic as it was, he washandling it pretty well and
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still managed to have a sense ofhumour.
Chicken, cheese, or veggie?
Sandwiches that is.
No brown bread, I'm afraid G.
Mars bars and a banana, courtesyof the Governor.
Business as usual tomorrow.
Come on England! And banged upagain.
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Oh my God, England have justscored a penalty, Lallana, 10
minutes into the game.
Didn't even get a chance to seethe replay, and click.
The power went off.