Breaker High, Episode 17: When in Rome

Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 17: “When in Rome.” Are we in Italy now (despite it being very far from Scotland, where we were last episode)?!

We are! Clad in a swimsuit (as is everyone else on deck), Ashley announces they’ll be arriving in Rome within the hour. While she wants to upgrade her wardrobe to the newest designer fashions, the other girls will be volunteering at an orphanage as part of teacher Ms. Mitchell’s “Heal the World” project. Once she hears that Prince Stefan from a place that sounds like Genovia from The Princess Diaries (aka vaguely European but definitely made up) will be there to dedicate the cornerstone of a new wing he helped fund, Ashley changes her tune.

In the coffeehouse, Sean and Jimmy are trying to get Max to show them the two tickets he snagged for a Eurocup soccer match (to no avail). Alex, who is presumably supposed to be going with Max, starts sneezing, and everyone around him, including Tony, determines that he must be coming down with the virus that’s been going around. Max reassures Alex he’ll bring him back a program, but then he sneezes too. Uh oh.

The girls arrive at the orphanage around the same time as the prince, and somehow Ashley mistakes his chauffeur for him? Seems odd for a girl who has a subscription to Royals Around the World to not know what he looks like, but fine. The creepy part happens when the chauffeur goes along with the mistake, and my secondhand embarrassment is not thrilled about this development.

Spoiler alert: My secondhand embarrassment was right and I hate the rest of this episode; seriously did Rome dirty. We’ll go through it anyway, but quickly.

Cassidy mocks the prince after he gives a speech, he absolutely overhears but doesn’t seem to mind - in fact, it seems refreshing as opposed to the usual paparazzi adoration. So when the two of them put on a puppet show for the kids, he asks her out for espresso?! Ashley and the chauffeur are in the back of the limo; he sees the prince coming and unceremoniously shoves her out and into a taxi so she doesn’t realize the deception.

Alex and Max are in fact sick. Sean and Jimmy come in wearing masks to bring them soup - very clearly a bribe to see if they can get the Eurocup tickets. Alex and Max were prepared and have a list of tasks for the other two. The next morning, Alex and Max wake up feeling better, so they can still go to Eurocup, but there’s the small matter of Sean and Jimmy having done everything that was asked of them. However, attractive student nurse Davia comes in and suddenly Alex and Max aren’t feeling so good again.

Ashley brags about meeting the prince to Tamira and Denise; Tamira is about to spill the beans that it wasn’t him but Denise stops her, basically to let Ashley keep talking because they think it’s funny. Meanwhile, Cassidy is actually out with the prince, regaling him with a surfing story, and essentially convinces him to “play hooky” from his responsibilities. This actually works, as later Stefan winds up in Cassidy’s room on the ship?! (This is to Cassidy’s surprise, she didn’t bring him). He gets changed into some of Jimmy’s clothes as a disguise, and while his country is figuratively up in arms about their missing prince, he’s grabbing gelato and playing Scrabble with Cassidy.

The next day, Max and Alex give Sean and Jimmy the soccer tickets in exchange for leaving them alone, thinking they’ll get Davia to themselves, but turns out she took the day off. They get Nurse Pritchett instead, who is a seasoned veteran who apparently started out in Alcatraz and acts like it.

Ashley is out to eat with the chauffeur; he grabs a newspaper out of her hand so she doesn’t see a photo of the real prince. He “usually has a servant with him to handle payment” so she treats him, and then he says they should go shopping for the both of them afterward - this guy is a slimeball. Even after that, back in her cabin Ashley sings the wedding march as Denise and Tamira giggle, fantasizing about who she still thinks is the prince.

Stefan and Cassidy watch a news bulletin of Stefan’s mother, the queen, asking for his safe return. He changes back into his suit, realizing he has to leave, and suggests Cassidy come with him. She declines - her place is at Breaker High and she has midterms next week.

Ashley finds her “Stefan” and thinks he’s going to propose? Considering the real one basically did to Cassidy I guess this isn’t too far off. Then the real Stefan comes up behind them and the chauffeur has no choice but to put his uniform cap on and Ashley realizes she’s been duped. Turns out he isn’t even really the chauffeur; he’s the pool guy (the actual chauffeur was on vacation).

It is understandable if you need a break this time, so uh, come back to this channel! We’ll be right back on Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown.

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