Breaker High, Episode 3: Mayhem on the Orient Distress

Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap the third episode of Breaker High: “Mayhem on the Orient Distress.”

The scene is set with a montage making it clear we’re in East Asia (given that the first episode was set in Japan, this makes sense), and we can officially put a pin in the map when Ashley complains about it being so crowded here in Hong Kong as she, Cassidy and Tamira walk through a market. The stereotypes just keep going from there: Ashley is wearing a qipao and carrying a parasol, Tamira is wearing a triangular (or conical) hat, and when they see an attractive Asian vendor about their age Cassidy quips “I’ll bet you can’t get him past customs,” and Ashley assumes that “Stud Li [get it, studly] here can’t understand a word I’m saying. If he did, he wouldn’t mind showing me what he’s hiding under that shirt of his.”

Ashley, however, is taken fully by surprise when the vendor responds, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” because yes, he can in fact speak English, along with a few other languages. At least after Ashley hops on a rickshaw and leaves, he smiles and jokes back, “I’m Steve. That’s ancient Chinese for Steve.” Turns out his dad is American, and Steve likes the girls enough to then invite them to a nightclub. I probably would have had a different reaction to this scene had I watched it for the first time before I hit my thirties!

Back on the boat, Sean, Ashley and Jimmy catch Max attempting to sneak Chinese fireworks onboard. Max can tell Captain Dad is suspicious, so Sean offers to carry them in instead, but only if he’s allowed to keep some of the haul. Elsewhere, Denise and Alex find a live duck in a cage and learn that the ship’s chef bought it to cook later. Alex is unbothered, as we learn he grew up on a ranch so “everything [they] ate had a face,” but Denise begins to hatch an escape plan.

Sean and Jimmy pull off their best James Bond impression, sunglasses and all, and stash the fireworks in a metal trash can - this isn’t going to go badly for anyone. In the coffeehouse, Denise begs Alex to help her free the duck, and he agrees. Then Cassidy comes in and shuts down the place so that Tamira no longer has the excuse for not going to the club of having to work another hour (seems she’s part of a work-study program; in a previous episode she talked about fundraising to secure her spot on the ship, so her family is likely not the most well off). Even with that obstacle removed, Tamira is nervous about getting caught breaking curfew, kicked off the ship and sent back to Ohio. When appealing to Tamira’s nonexistent sense of adventure doesn’t work, Cassidy plays her last card - guilt - and says, “So you’re going to let me go all alone with a complete stranger in a totally strange city?” Seems she’s got her there.

On deck, Alex and Denise are trying to restrain the duck, but it escapes and flies into the pool. They run into Tamira and Cassidy, strike a “you didn’t see us, we didn’t see you” deal, and go their separate ways. What Tamira and Cassidy don’t realize is Ashley also spots them changing into their clubbing clothes - that “Gotcha,” sounds a little ominous. We then see the chef prepping his grill for the duck, and he has too many hot briquettes, so he tosses one into the very same trash can that has the fireworks in it. Hoo boy.

Cassidy and Tamira have made it to the nightclub! They find Steve and his friend Lee, and when Steve and Cassidy go to the dance floor, Tamira tells Lee he can bail, which he quickly takes her up on, leaving her alone. Suddenly, police rush into the club, and it’s a madhouse. Steve immediately runs away, but another kind person helps shepherd Tamira and Cassidy to safety.

Back on the ship, Sean and Jimmy come back for the fireworks, realize the trash can isn’t where they left it, and are now terrified of Max’s eventual reaction. Denise and Alex try to conceal the duck from Ashley, but they fail, too.

Turns out Cassidy, Tamira and their rescuer have been hiding in a dumpster. This scene has the absolute best line of the episode, possibly whole series so far: Tamira asks, “What happens if they nab you?” and gets “They put you in a small room and make you watch reruns of Saved by the Bell,” as a response. After the police leave the site, the girls make their escape.

Looks like the duck has flown the coop, too. And of course, it knocks the lid off the steadily smoking trash can.

Max comes to find Sean and Jimmy, and when he learns they don’t have the fireworks anymore, he’s about to start throwing punches when they hear the fireworks start to go off. They and everyone else make their way on deck - Denise and Alex are happy and the chef is sad to see the duck get away, and it turns out the fireworks are making a pretty cool display and not actually hurting anyone, so that worked out well. And it’s enough of a distraction to keep anyone but Ashley from noticing