Breaker High, Episode 4: Don't Get Curried Away

Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 4: “Don’t Get Curried Away.”

We are officially in a time before social media, as the episode starts with Ashley requesting that Tamira take a photo of her with an actual camera so she can show her boyfriend back home, Tyler (who goes to Princeton, might she remind you), what it’s like on the ship. And of course, Ashley’s “everyday outfit” that she wears for said photo includes a feather boa and a tiara, unironically.

After taking the photo, Tamira immediately brings the mood down by asking, “Do you ever think about Tyler cheating on you? You know what they say about those college girls.” Ashley brushes it off and remembers she promised to call Tyler when the ship docked in India - seems that’s now! Except when she dials, a woman’s voice answers the phone. We don’t hear what Tyler says when he eventually comes on the line, but we can tell from Ashley’s verbal response that he asked if she’s sitting down and from her facial expression that this can’t be anything good.

We come back from the theme song to our favorite group of teenagers eating a meal in an Indian restaurant and Tony letting them know he’s off to the market. He references the episode’s title and puns, “Don’t get curried away,” which no one responds positively to; I appreciate the show’s writers making fun of themselves here so I’ll give them a shoutout.

Sean and Jimmy think it’ll be funny to have a hot pepper eating contest so stuff several in their mouths and immediately regret it, though of course their bravado turns their next words into “I bet I can drink more water than you!” Cassidy, Denise, Tamira and Max look on, bewildered at their antics. As the newbie, Max wants to know where the endless competitive streak came from, and apparently it stems from a wet T-shirt contest in Samoa that Jimmy won (to which Sean retorts “Listen, the Samoans have a completely different standard of beauty!”). Normally baby Ryan Gosling would be the expected wet T-shirt contest winner, so I see where Sean is coming from, but also understand why Jimmy is a little offended. The rematch maybe didn’t need to be in the middle of the restaurant using the water pitchers on the table, but at least the server takes it in stride and says, “Too close to call.”

Later that day, back on the ship, Sean and Jimmy walk past a girl advertising sign-ups for a hot coal walk - one guess where this is going. She tells them that an introductory prep class is required; after she walks away, Sean says, “I don’t need a prep class,” and Jimmy’s response of “Yeah, well, I don’t have any class,” is perhaps not what he intended to say. Given that they’re both struggling with the heat of the pool deck on their bare feet after it’s been baking in the sun, I don’t have very high hopes for either of them.

We find Ashley eating a pint of ice cream while walking on a Stairmaster-esque step machine, and Alex also quickly notices the contradiction. Ashley explains, “When I’m depressed I eat, and when I eat I gain weight, which only makes me more depressed. If I step while I eat, it’s a wash.” Alex asks why she’s depressed, and Ashley says she’s homesick, but we as the viewers and Alex can tell that’s a lie. He recognizes that she’s got on an “I have just broken up with my boyfriend” face; when we combine this realization with what we know about Alex from past episodes, I have to say, I don’t know how conscious emotional intelligence was in the writing of male characters in the ‘90s, but I’m definitely here for it.

Ashley wants to know how Alex figured out why she’s upset, and he responds, “When you have three sisters, you learn how to tell two very important things: How to tell when a girl has a broken heart, and the answer is always, ‘No, you don’t look fat in that dress.’” Okay, there’s the ‘90s body image rhetoric. Hearing Alex say that does make Ashley giggle, though, so I suppose I can forgive it for the moment. And I was going to get mad about Alex stealing Ashley’s ice cream, but then he feeds her a scoop, which is kind of adorable. Then he puts her through the first paces of “Alex’s Three-Step Program to Cure a Broken Heart”: getting out your frustrations, whether on a punching bag (he may have to goad her into hitting hard, but it works) or throwing darts at the person’s picture (okay Alex, I see the way you’re helping Ashley throw and looking at her).

We cut to the fire-walking prep class and more of our teens are in it than I was expecting - Tamira, Max, Cassidy and Denise are all at the front of the pack. Sean and Jimmy show up right at the end, pretending they were looking for marshmallows and using that as their excuse for being late. The first four use the meditation techniques they learned to walk across the coals without any issues, but after making fun of the traditional ways, Sean and Jimmy immediately fail, and then to add insult to injury