Breaker High, Episode 7: Radio Daze

Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 7: “Radio Daze.” It’s the first episode in a little while where the episode title doesn’t give away the next port, so anything could happen; let’s get going.

To start the show, Sean is DJing on the ship’s radio station (okay, I guess we could have guessed that from the title) and very much enjoying hearing the sound of his own voice. Seems like he’s overstaying his welcome talking about that Friday’s upcoming Brady Bunch Night in the cafeteria; Alex and Denise have to literally pull him out of the studio so they can start their show (unfortunately we fade away into the theme song before we find out how they run their hour).

When we come back, it’s to another Sean and Tamira heart-to-heart (I am still a little confused by their closeness but not mad at it). Tamira says she has to leave Breaker High?! Her scholarship and job don’t cover all of tuition, and while her mom has been making payments, she just got laid off, so as soon as they hit port Tamira’s off the ship (they are currently sailing through the Mediterranean). Sean suggests that maybe there’s a way to fundraise and come up with the $1,500 Tamira says she needs, but Tamira makes him swear not to tell anyone; she doesn’t want be anyone’s charity case. Captain Ballard (so that’s Max’s dad’s name) and Ms. Mitchell (the teacher) already know, and the students will find out soon enough, so she just wants to enjoy her last week on-ship.

Cassidy walks past Max’s room (in a matching workout set I could see a lot of girls and women wearing today) and hears him playing guitar, but as soon as she starts complimenting him on it he puts it down and slams the door in her face. She goes up on deck, finds Alex and asks him what the 411 is on Max. Alex acknowledges that Max doesn’t love his hidden talent being widely shared; apparently it’s because he used to write songs back in Portland, but when he sent a demo to a radio station they dissed it, so his confidence is shot and he won’t play in front of anyone. Cassidy looks way too thrilled to find out Max has a weakness, so Alex is quick to ask her not to say he’s the one who told her everything; we’ll see how long that lasts.

In fact, the next time we see Cassidy, she’s dressed all in black (with spy music in the background) when Denise “catches her in the act” and asks what she was doing in Max and Alex’s cabin. Cassidy claims she was “borrowing” the cassette tape she’s holding, but even Denise who doesn’t have the backstory we do can suss out that that’s a lie.

(Sidebar: I thought there were enough cabins on ship for everyone to have their own, but it seems that’s untrue. We know from Denise’s words that Max and Alex are roommates; based on cabin scenes in prior episodes, we can assume retroactively that Ashley and Tamira are, as are Sean and Jimmy.)

Ashley has a radio show, too - an advice hour called “Ask Miss Southern Teen.” As we might expect, the questions and subsequent responses are about frizzy hair thanks to the salty air, lopsided eyebrow waxes the night before a talent competition, and other beauty-related concerns. She’s wearing a tiara even though no one can see her, and keeps it on to visit the coffee lounge a few scenes later.

Tamira acts very blasé when serving Ashley and Alex their drinks - Alex notices something is off, but when he asks Ashley if something’s wrong with Tamira, Ashley just responds with, “Her hair, her clothes, her personality - where do we start?” Behind them, Sean adds a “$10” sticker to a Brady Bunch Night poster, and Alex is confused as to why the price has gone up from $5. Because he can’t say the actual reason why, Sean’s excuse is “Inflation, baby, everything’s going up. Do you know how much it costs to go to a movie these days?” (ugh, even 30 years later this is too real).

In the empty cafeteria, Cassidy and Denise are listening to Max’s cassette through a boombox and are impressed with what they hear. Cassidy wants Denise to play it on her radio show, and though Denise says no at first, knowing Max would blow a gasket, she starts getting more intrigued once Cassidy says she’ll do something for her in return (at the very least will borrow her clothes without asking less).

And of course, we cut to Denise and Alex hosting their show while Max happens to be shooting hoops on deck right outside, and Denise announces they’ll be playing a track by a surprise mystery artist. Max’s groan of “Oh man, I don’t believe this,” is perhaps not the response that Cassidy, who is next to him, was expecting when she shouts “Surprise, I got your song on the radio!” Max barges into the radio booth and abruptly takes the cassette out mid-song. Alex, who had not been part of Denise and Cassidy’s scheme, is confused, asking “What’s your problem, man?” Max, not knowing that Alex is innocent, says “You knew how I felt about this tape!” Alex tries to