Gravity is a jerk (and so is 50)

From thinning hair, forgetting why you walked into the room, and peeing yourself when you sneeze, we get it!

Episode Transcript

(00:02):
It's the potty mouth check. We're your hosts, Lori and
Suzanne. Take it away, girl. 321 Hello
everyone. Hi, I'm Lori, I'm Suzanne, and
we're the potty mouth checks. Welcome back to our third

(00:25):
episode. This is our 4th.
Oh my gosh, you're right. Our fourth episode of The Potty
Mouth Chicks. Podcast.
Thanks a lot. Yeah, exactly.
I was going to say this is 50, but thanks a lot, 50.
This week's podcast is about bodies after 50.
Yeah. The shit show that no one told

(00:47):
you about, and if they did, we didn't take it seriously.
Yeah, yeah, you're right. Because I remember people used
to go just wait. Like older people would tell me
just wait, enjoy that little body now.
Same. And I say the same thing now.
Yes, and I. Actually remember this vividly.
You are such a grandma. Would you?

(01:08):
Would you like a butterscotch? A butterscotch.
Man, you have a butterscotch candy.
I do in my pocketbook. My nose is running earlier so I
thought I put it in my few little spot.
No, and that's not why you literally do that every day.
You always have a tissue. Because my nose is a little
runny sometimes. Whenever I put on a a jacket at

(01:30):
work and I go in the pocket and there's always a snot rag, I'm
like, oh, Susie was wearing. A sniffle rag I prefer.
Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to insult you.
Yeah, a sniffle rag. I'm a little more girly than a
snot rag. I'm so sorry, I apologize.
It's a sniffle rag. I so sorry, my apologies.
But you know, I just want everyone know that I was.

(01:51):
There if she wants everyone to know she's over 50.
That's true, yeah. Well.
So anyways, we're talking about bodies after 50.
So I thought, should we start atthe top of the head?
And work our way down. I think that's a great idea.
Let's. Do it.
So let's talk about something that we talked about this
morning. Hair.
Here's the thing. Hair after 50.

(02:14):
And I've always had really nice hair and then it got really thin
in my 40s. Yeah.
So I started wearing extensions and now that I'm 50, I don't
wear them anymore. And actually my hair is better
not wearing the extensions than they were wearing them.
And I don't know if it's the extensions ruin my hair
technically. Or when you wear extensions when

(02:35):
they want to blend your hair in the extension hair, they scissor
cut it, you know, they slice it down.
And I know, me too, and. I you're talking about like the
razor ring. Yes, the razor.
Yes. And actually, my, my stylist, I,
I thought I wanted bangs. And she's like, no, we're not
doing bangs. Like, please, let's do a little
bit of bang. I'm 50.

(02:56):
I'd like to look younger. And she and I, I thought I
communicated, listen, I don't want bang bangs.
And then she did it really great.
You know, she just trimmed the bangs a little bit.
And then she set the scissors down.
I'm like, it looks great. Yeah, I still love, I love it.
And then she picked up the scissors as I'm talking and I

(03:16):
don't realize it. And she starts slicing my hair
and it was too late. So now I have like this part,
it's just. Yeah, but it's.
But it's her, it's my fault. I should have communicated that
to her that I don't like slicing.
But I when she said the scissorsdown, I forgot to say anything.
I thought, oh good, I don't haveto say anything, right, Right.
But now it's all it's sliced in the front and now I.
Hate it. I don't think it looks sliced.

(03:37):
I think you think it looks sliced, but it doesn't.
But then I saw a bunch of hair hit the ground.
Oh yeah. That's that's painful.
But Speaking of which, I need toturn my hair because it is so
dead on the ends. It's ridiculous.
Yeah. Yeah, no problem.
It looks, it looks good though. Well.
You know, here's the thing. I used to have very thick hair.
I'm kidding. I've never had thick hair.

(03:58):
Yeah, yeah. I mean, I never had thick thick
hair either, but it was nice. No, I've never had thick hair,
but I've always been able to fake it.
You know, like I could put like a texturizing spray in or, you
know, flip it up or use the Velcro rollers.
And I was OK. I was good with that for a
while. And then I entered my 50s and

(04:18):
all of a sudden and my hair's falling out, right?
Like you can see my scalp, right?
Like that used to not be a thing.
And my bangs are so small that they barely cover.
You know what I mean? The.
Density of them. Yeah, the density, like I still
have the bangs, but they're so thin.
Yeah. And I don't know, it's just a

(04:38):
mask. But I think also, too, I don't
know if you're if if that's the case or because you're so dark
with your hair and your scalp isso light, it's hard to contrast.
Yeah, and it's hard to. Maybe if it was a little
lighter, it wouldn't. You know, black on white always
stands out well. Sometimes I do take a little non

(05:00):
sparkly brown eyeshadow. Oh, that's with a brush and I
put it on my scalp. Oh, that's a good idea,
actually. Oh, I didn't know you did that.
Yeah, one side and I have a really funny story.
My dad was balding and he hated it, so he bought that.
Remember when they had the sprayon hair?
Yes, Ron Popeal. Ron Popeal.

(05:21):
Was it the spray on air? I don't.
Remember the name of it, but I remember what you're talking
about. My dad bought it, swore by it.
Comes in the house one day afterhe's done walking and it is
dripping down his face. Oh.
No, the dark. Stuff I was dying so I don't
wait the hair. Is dripping down his face the
the. Paint that he sprayed on his

(05:41):
hair to make it look thick. But you're saying it's hair
follow or hair also? No, just the it's a it's like a
spray paint and you would spray on your spray paint.
OK, thicker, right? Like it was like a flocking a
Christmas. Tree, Right, Right.
So to speak, you know? No, I got it.
Yeah. And.
But he went out for a walk and it was dripping down his face
and I was dying laughing. Do you tell him or do you let?

(06:02):
Him Oh, I absolutely told him I was dying laughing.
I'm like, what did you do, you know?
But I get it because now. Yeah, but that's a actually
this, that's a popular problem, I think, young and old, you know
what I mean? Yeah, because I would say, and
if there's any guys listening tothis, I would say that women

(06:25):
that usually have gorgeous, really thick hair, even young
women their. Extension.
Yeah, probably. You know what I mean most of the
time. I would, I would say, yeah, I
would say. Probably, yeah, I I would.
They have thick luxury hair. It's probably extensions.
Yeah. Yeah, I would like to try
extensions. I think I think your hair would

(06:46):
look great. Extensions.
Yeah, I would love to try them, but.
They're. Expensive.
Yeah. And I just I can't like that's
why I stopped doing blonde because the blonde but almost
$300 to have your hair color. And that's and that's without
getting it hair styled and the haircut that's 300 just for the
color if you're lucky. And there's probably people that

(07:06):
the women that listen to us and they're in different parts of
the country and they would pray for $300.
Yeah, and there's probably otherones going.
I would never freaking pay $300 if you have my hair, you know
what I mean? There's like other places, but
it's so ridiculous here. It's like, I think last time
Abby had her hair colored, she had like a fall.
It was like 360. $8. Plus, you have to tip.

(07:28):
Off right. That's true, which if I was a
hairdresser by myself, I'm by the way, and I have like my own
little business, I would say please don't tip me, this is my
business. But that's, I mean, that's just,
that's the way it goes. But but you're paying me an ass
load of money already. If she owns the salon, I can see
that. Well, OK, for example, when I

(07:48):
got when I used to get my extension, I got the tie in ones
and you're paying for the hair and the install and you're
spending 20% on the hair and thething.
So when I would get my tie in one, she was already making $800
to $1000 every time I would get that.
And then you have to tip on the 1000, no?

(08:09):
That's what I'm saying like 20% you have to.
Tip $250. Well, an extension that I really
didn't tip with because you pay for the hair too.
So that's probably 600 of it. Yeah, I mean, I get tipping the
service, but tipping and with extension it, it just got to be
too much. And and honestly, I feel like my
hair looks better than it has inthe long many years.
Yeah, I don't know, like, yeah, like if you go to like a place

(08:31):
where they're rent, I don't knowwhere like they're working for.
Something and I Yeah, right. I I mean, I always tip.
I always. Want to say that made it sound
like you? No, I'm so sorry.
I do tip but me personally if you were paying me $368 for your
hair and I had my own little thing I don't know though maybe
I would because I everything if people give me tips when I do my

(08:54):
little baking business thing I'mand you deserve.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm really grateful.
Anywho, so anywho, the hair thing is, is a big deal.
And, you know, just a few monthsago, even a year ago, after I
took out my extension, I would put my hair in a ponytail and it
would be this tiny little. And I'm like, Oh my God.
Well, that's how mine is. Mine's like look it, but see.

(09:16):
The way the way you do it, it doesn't look it.
Yeah, I don't know. But any who.
Anyway, so that's a. Bear that's the big thing that's
hair yeah that's I mean that we're starting here we're.
Starting at the tip of the iceberg and let's just work our
way down now. Yeah.
Along with hair is your brain. So let's talk about our memory.
And yes, can I say one thing real quick about the hair before

(09:37):
we Yeah, absolutely. Are you going to grow Gray when
you grow Gray? No.
No same. Absolutely.
Same my sister. My younger sister went Gray and
she looks good like that, but she has pretty hair.
Yeah. It looks good that way.
I will not do that. OK.
Like you know that we have a couple.
Yes, I know exactly who you're talking about.

(09:58):
Gorgeous hair. Yeah.
And it's Gray and it's a beautiful color, right?
It's beautiful. Is that take some?
Maybe if I had, but I don't know.
I I think I would have to be 65 or older even.
I think yeah, my grandma was blonde till she died.
She died at 82. Yeah.
Yeah. I don't know.
I. Don't know if I.
Could do that either. I mean, some people it looks

(10:18):
great, like we have those patients that looks beautiful.
I don't like the. I don't like the black and Gray
look like the. Salt and pepper that looks
better on men. Yeah, and women and it's like
and it looks stringy and like force.
I don't like that, but I like a pretty Gray.
But if it's kind of like a little grayer in the front and
has a little darker in the back and it's done really

(10:39):
beautifully, I love that. Balayage Gray.
That's why, yeah. And I, you know, God bless women
that do it. And usually the women that do
it, at least that I've seen, they look great in it.
I just not for me. I mean, not there yet.
I like a light Gray. Yeah, I don't like a darker
Gray. Maybe I don't know, whatever.
So moving on to memory. Oh Jesus, I have a 0 memory.

(11:00):
And I also sometimes wonder if Iam having like early, I remember
the name early onset Alzheimer'sdementia, Right.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, like I like I will be
saying a sentence I know different completely.
Word will come out of my mouth and I'm like, where did that
come from? Well, we laugh and laugh, and

(11:20):
then I turn around and I cry because I'm like, I know.
I'm clearly. Getting and and it.
How many times have you seen me at work?
Like I walk into a room and I'm walking in there with purpose.
I'm not like just strolling in. I'm walking in.
I'm going to get something. I open the cabinet and I have no
idea why. She'll literally open up the
cabinet where The thing is that she wants and then she'll go, Oh

(11:43):
my God. Why am I in here but I?
Do it too. Today I went into the
sterilization room 3 times to get a high speed.
Did I ever come back with a highspeed?
I know. No, no.
And same thing. Do you ever go to Publix because
you need bananas? You need bananas.
You leave Publix, you get home, you spent $200.
Do you have bananas? No, no, no fucking bananas.

(12:06):
But now I have a list. Now I make a list and I also
have a list. For a list.
You know this about. Me you would like a list.
I love a list and I have an app,I think it's called Easy List,
and I love that app because I have a list for everything.
Yeah, from our podcasting stuff to our video stuff, to what

(12:27):
bills to pay, what to do with mydogs, where I'm going.
If I don't do that, forget it, I'm doing nothing.
See, I can't do that on the phone.
I have to be old school and write everything down in a, in a
like calendar box, right? I cannot go on that.
Like I'll make a grocery list onthe phone.
Yeah. And I'll go to the grocery store

(12:47):
and like, I hate it. I feel like I'm like a 90 year
old woman trying to work a smartphone.
I just I don't like it. Yeah, I think if the app were
easy enough, you would feel differently.
I I. Don't know if the app was I'm
telling you try easy I I. Downloaded on your phone?
Try it. And what's nice about it is when
you are done with it, with whatever your is on your list, a

(13:11):
little guy comes out and he erases your thing and it's kind
of cute. Oh.
OK. Like hey, you did.
It you did it, Yes. And then he blows like a horn,
and confetti comes. Out that's.
Cute. Now let's be honest, do we think
that little guy? I don't think I would ever give
him a job on my app because I would never finish one list.
That's true. And Speaking of, since we're in
memory, Lori has ADHD. Yeah, really bad.

(13:35):
Like I've never seen and she's your.
Typical looking in the mirror, no calling the kettle block I.
Agree. I agree.
I have. I have.
Let's be honest. You are here and I'm here.
OK, but let me be to be fair, you will say, you know what?
I'm going to do that right now. And here's a good example.

(13:55):
We were driving home tonight andI go, oh, you were going to do
whatever did you do that? And she's like, no, I did not.
And I said I love how you alwaystease me that I have horrible
ADHD but you I don't. Have a DHDI just I just get
sidetracked. Oh, OK.
Yeah, that makes sense. I just get a little sidetracked.
Sometimes. OK, that's fine.

(14:17):
OK. You have a DHDI, get
sidetracked. No, I you have a DHDI just
happen to like squirrels. Yes, you see a lot of squirrels
in your life. Yes, yes, squirrel.
I'm a squirrel. Yeah, yeah, you.
We definitely have it for sure, for sure.

(14:38):
But I could clean my house and finish.
Yeah, no. Lori will say she's cleaning her
house. I'll talk to her in the morning
and then around 11:00 at night I'm like, so how's the house
cleaning coming? She goes.
I never made it out of the office.
Well, here's the problem, because this is what I do.
I will. I'll, I'll have something in the
kitchen and I'll go, oh, that belongs to the bedroom.

(14:59):
I'll go to drop it off in the bedroom.
As I'm dropping it off in the bedroom, I'm walking by a
fucking drawer that's closed. That has nothing to do with
anything. Yes, my house will be a
screaming mask. Yeah, and I will have to
organize that drawer. I'll dump it on the bed.
I see. You doing?
This I do and it has you like shut the fucking door, then the

(15:20):
drawer. You know, I just, I, I, I do
that all the time. So I'll, I'll organize that
drawer and then I'm like, Oh my God, I'm so glad I organized
that drawer and I'll walk out and my kitchen is still a shit
hole. I, it's not a shit hole.
I'm not mess. No, you're not dirty.
No, you're not. Dirty I just you just organize.
You just don't put things away on a daily basis, right?

(15:42):
Right here's here's a tip for you and maybe it'll work because
I have it also, but not to your level.
But here's what I would suggest.I always clean a room and do not
leave it, no matter what goes into another room until it's
done. Meaning put it in a box and like
a cart. We get Amazon boxes all the
time. Get the Amazon box, Whatever

(16:03):
goes into another room, just putit in there.
Don't leave that room. Don't leave that room.
Do it until it's finished next room.
And then when you're done with that room, whatever in the box,
go put it away. And that's all you do.
You just put it away and then you go to the next.
Room that's a good idea too welland my other problem is like
when I'm baking I make such a mess you know and then which I

(16:24):
I'm kind of organized with my baking though but like I'll have
to put like my food coloring my piping bags my spatulas all that
stuff has to be put away and I'll walk into the baking room
which is like our office whatever and I put everything
down now there's 500 files of different things now when I go
to do an order I cannot possibly.

(16:46):
Find. Yeah, yeah, see that makes me
anxious even talking about it. I have ADHD in things, but not
when it comes to organization. Period.
Yeah. When it comes to something like
like you said, did you write that down in our list?
And I must have got a text message.
I dealt with a text message and I forgot about it.
Maybe it's more memory than ADHD, but I do have ADHD also,

(17:08):
but a very mild form of it. But not when it comes to
organization because my, like my, you know, you're very
extremely organized. And you know, when I did
fillings, right, when I would dofillings, after each filling, I
would line up my instruments again and then line up my things
again. I didn't, I didn't do like if I
did 5 fillings in a row, I didn't do it all the way to the

(17:31):
end with a mess. Yeah, I redid, I reorganize.
That too. I do have to say that with my
baking I do do that. Like if I if I mix up all my
cake mixes and all the cake bowls are in the sink, I'll wash
all that stuff, leave it to dry and then I'll start making
something up. I like clean in between, but
there's other times where it is.I know, I know.

(17:54):
It's. It looks like.
Like when I did that wedding that was.
A Oh my God, when I came over her, she did this huge wedding
for her bakery business. I walk into her house and it
looks like I was like, are you moving?
It looks like you were. Moving it was so.
Bad, you know, like when people move that day before they move
and their house looks like. Yeah, there was boxes everywhere

(18:15):
'cause I had. A zillion and then she forgets.
Something and then I forgot the cake pops and I had to fucking
drive all the way back over fromNorth Fort Myers to get the.
Cake, this says. 50 brain. Yeah, fifty brain.
We got a little off. See, that's what happens.
You. Know what I mean?

(18:36):
Twinsies. Twinsies, you know what I mean?
Yeah. So, yeah.
So I'm sure that, you know, our demographic is 50 and higher,
Gen. X and higher.
Yeah. And I know they could completely
understand. What everyone?
Either you're Lori or you're me.Yeah, and we're complete polar
opposites. Totally opposite anything and
we'll do a podcast on that because we couldn't be more

(18:57):
opposite, but we couldn't be bester of.
Friends besters bester of friends.
Bester of I. Feel like that might work.
That might be a thing. That's fine.
Let's make it. It's fine.
We're bester of friends. So since we're in the head
still, yeah, I can't. Deafness.
Now I know you don't have that. Yeah, I have profound hearing

(19:19):
loss in my left ear. I have significant in my right
and I knew a couple years. So I, I, I've had a mess in my
left ear. I've had infections, I've had
tumors removed. I've had, they've had to take
off my ear to remove tumors twice.
And I've just had just a mess. I've had implants that failed
twice. I just can't hear.

(19:40):
Out of my left ear, right? That's since I've been in my
20s, thirties, 40s, and when I first moved here in Florida in
my 40s, I was just turned fourty.
The neurologist said you will bedeaf very young and I knew that
I would need to get a phone conduction hearing aid in my

(20:02):
left ear because I don't have the equipment to do a regular
hearing aid. Which is a cochlear.
So it's sort of like that if yousay that it kind of yes, So
people that understand what thatmeans, they put a port in your
skull and they and they put the hearing aid in right, the bone
conduction, yes, and then I'll snap the hearing aid in it.

(20:23):
But you do need it desperately because they gave you that
tester and I felt like you really like that.
Yeah, yeah. So.
Yeah. So we were like, this is so
cool. Yeah, I can hear.
And I didn't like it at first iswhen I first put it in.
And I don't know if there's any audience members that suffered
the same. But when I first put the trial
in, they it's like a little snapthat you put in your ear and

(20:46):
headbands. When I first put it in, I was
like, Oh no, this isn't going towork.
But then I thought, you know what, give it a chance because
obviously it works for people. So I wore it for two weeks, and
I didn't realize how much I loved it until I took it off,
right? And I was like, Oh my gosh.
Because what it is is if you hear your voice so loud, just
like we're hearing our voices now in here.

(21:09):
That's how my life. 'S going to.
Be Yeah, I hear my voice very loud in my ear.
And also everyone's voices are computerized.
It's very synthesized. Like I don't hear your voice the
way you would hear my voice. I hear it almost synthesized and
I was like, oh, I'm not going tolike this, but the end of the
two weeks my brain fixed your voices.

(21:32):
Oh my God, that's so amazing. Isn't that me?
Yeah. Because after the two weeks, I
was like, I don't feel like it'sso synthesized anymore.
And we just had a patient what, 2 days ago and I had talked to
her about that. She goes your brain will fix it.
And I said I know because after the two week trial, yeah, yeah.
So in a few months I'm going to get that and hopefully things.
Will go well, but. Yeah, I mean, it's $10,000 out

(21:55):
of pocket just for. Me to walk, I know and which I
don't think it's fair. But no.
And then I'm going to have to get a hearing aid on my right
also. Yeah.
So I think, I think I should geta hearing eye dog.
A hearing eye dog. OK, that's a good idea.
I feel like you already have twodogs.
Yeah, I'm going to make Sunday my hearing eye dog.
Oh, OK. That's perfect.

(22:16):
I think it's genius. I.
And then she need her to work with us.
She loves you so. Yeah, Yeah, There you go.
But you don't have any hearing loss, right?
I don't have any. You just have vision.
Yeah, I, I well, I I can't say Idon't have hearing loss.
I mishear a lot of things. Like, like someone will say
that's true. Oh, look, it's a bore.
And I'll go. What are you going to get at the

(22:37):
store? Right, you and I do.
That often, actually, Yeah, yeah.
We had a little segment there for a while about that.
Yeah, you should do that again. We should do that again because
we mishear each other all the. Time.
Which is great because I could just see Lori and I in a, in a
nursing home. Yeah.
And US yelling a crap. I mean, what are you talking
about across the hall? We're going to have the city.

(22:58):
We're going to be. We'll be.
Roommates probably for sure be honest, but you can also be able
to deal with us. Oh, God, yeah, for sure.
But you know, honestly, you know, that starts to go when
you're in your 50s. You still feel young.
You don't feel like, because I remember when I was in my 20s
and I would say, Oh my God, 50'sso old.

(23:18):
And now that I'm 50, I'm like 50's a kid.
Yeah, I have to say I I need to work on being in better shape
because I do notice my back hurts almost all the time.
You know my hips will hurt. My hip is killing me right now
just sitting like. This well, you were in a car
accident though, but in all fairness, but.
Yeah. You know what I mean?

(23:40):
But yeah, like, if I'm driving along way, like I have what's
called moviegoers knees, they call it.
Yeah. So I have to sit crisscross
applesauce all the time. See that?
Hurts me that even. Though you get you doing that, I
can't. I got to do crisscross
applesauce 'cause if I was sitting like you, I would feel
like there's needles going into my knee.
I feel like there's needles in my hips, right?

(24:00):
Yeah, yeah, I and my back hurts 'cause I'm trying to sit up
straight. Yeah, you know what I mean?
Like this is how I would usuallyhonestly.
So this is good. I do, I have horrible.
That feels good, though doesn't.You know what my favorite is the
best ever is? When you're watching TV and you
get really into something and then a commercial would come on
and I would be like this. Literally same.

(24:23):
Saying. No, you can't see me at home or
if. You're listening.
Yeah. That's why it's always better to
watch us than Kira. Listen to us.
Yeah, but I would. My chin drops down, my eyes go
up, and then I like. My mouth hangs open like an old
5050 year. Old I've watched.
Movies with you before and this is so true.
But same with me, like I'm all slumped over and then sometime I

(24:43):
have like my hand and a weird and a weird thing and you're
watching TV and then all of a sudden you're sitting like
thank. You.
And then you notice you're like,what am I?
What should she look like? She was kind of having a siege

(25:03):
all. Of a sudden, you're like, oh.
And now you hardly notice it because now we don't really have
commercials anymore because everything is like streaming
services. Yeah, that's so true.
So like the only time I notice that is like if I'm watching
Hulu or something and I have to have commercials on Hulu because

(25:23):
it's too cheap to pay for. That and and your face, your
face is always a mess too. It's always like, oh, look at
your partner next time. Oh my God, look at your when

(25:44):
you're watching a really good movie.
Watch your partner partner next time and start send us
screenshots of your. Partner, Oh my God, please send
us screenshots of your partner'sface when you guys are really
into a movie. Because I'm dead right now.
It's so true. And then I do like this festive
Crowny face. Yeah.
So like I'm really good. So treating you something.

(26:04):
I'm like this. I look like a SLEE stack from
Land of the Lost. You know what I mean?
The land. Oh my God, that's so true.
It's so funny. Lori and I spend so much time
together, not even at, you know,not just at work, but we're
neighbors, we're best friends, our families, our friends.

(26:26):
I mean, she's my sister for sure.
Everything you're saying I've seen you do, right?
The face. I hit the hole when you.
Did the hand. And I almost died because I've
you know what, son? We're watching all.
Of a sudden I it's so weird. It's so weird and then you know

(26:50):
what's really strange too? About the whole hand thing when
I get tired and you, you probably know this about me
because I've mentioned it. I stick my.
Thumb like this like when? We're walking if you if you see
this. I'm tired.
I can no longer carry my thumb. My thumb cannot dangle.
Anymore. I'm too tired, my fingers need

(27:11):
to hang on to my thumb. Oh my God.
And here's another fun thing about 50 when since I'm thinking
about it, I just urinated when I.
Asked Lori. It is so true.
I'm. Sitting here and I'm like,
what's happening here? And then I was like, oh, I just
laughed really hard. Yeah, now here I am.
And but you've had a child, you have an excuse.

(27:33):
I didn't have a vaginal birth, no, I had AC section.
There's no excuse. I told Lori this story and I was
going to do a a stories time with Susie on our on one of our
reels, but. I'll tell it here, OK, we have a
patient. Bathroom at work and we have a
employee bathroom at work and I often go in the patient bathroom

(27:56):
to make sure is it clean? I'm going to go Right.
I'm going pee. Yeah.
You know, pee is in the patient bathroom if you're going in the
bath. I'm doing more than that.
Yeah, I'm text messaging. But when I'm in the front, I
walked into the patient's bathroom and I was like, oh, and
I went to the bathroom like thissmells like a cat's litter box.

(28:16):
Yeah. And I was like Oh my God, this
smells like a cat's litter box. This.
Mess they miss. Wait.
I leave the bathroom and I go and sit down to do something
else. It's me.
Oh. My.
God, you freaking make me laugh all day and I pee my pants and I

(28:38):
have I smell like a nursing homebecause I people always ask us
do we pee our pants all the time?
Yes, yeah, yeah. Literally.
We laugh so hard that we smells like pee.
I smell like a nursery. I.
Smell. Like so, There it is.
Which is so fantastic that we don't have to date right now.

(29:01):
Yeah. You can imagine, like, going
home with a guy and you're like,yeah.
What do you? Think why don't you pull down my
panties? Meanwhile.
Pull down my depends. You know what?
That's what I need. I do too.
While we were talking about that, I need those what not
defense, but their assurance or something.

(29:23):
Whatever those are, can you guyssponsor us?
Yeah. Assure.
Assure, Yeah. Whatever.
No, I think it's something you try, but anyways, yes.
It's. Sure.
But I think you're right. It's the the urination.
I'm so glad you brought that up because that is, and I'm sure
half of our audience is the sameway.

(29:45):
Yeah, Jesus Christ, if we have to run.
Yeah. Somehow do something where
there's jumping involved, you know what I mean?
Or anything strenuous. I'm fucked because I'm going to
be pee pee girl. Like they're going to be like,
oh, which one? Who pisses on herself all the
time? Oh, that's so nice.
And when did that happen? And by the way, didn't you

(30:05):
always make fun of old women andthey smell like pee?
Like it was like, it was like, Oh my God, it's an old woman.
You constantly make me. We laugh all day long and I must
be, you know. And I just want to say for the
record, I don't always smell. It's only certain times, but
sometimes I'm going. I'm like wow.

(30:28):
Wow, how can someone do this? Is right.
Yeah, You know what I mean. If I were you, I'd stay right
there, yeah. No, I get your words.
Go ahead, go to town if you want, but I'm just letting you
know what you're dealing with. Go what?
Whatever. That's maybe not so.
Fresh I love the peace story, but let's work our way up for

(30:50):
just a moment. OK, Makeup after 50.
OK, All right, let me just say this quickly.
You know, makeup after 50 is, iscovering or trying to make
yourself look younger, right? It's not, it's not war paint
anymore like in the 20s and 30s.It's more like I got to make
myself look younger. So there's a lot of contouring

(31:11):
and all of that, which thank God, because if we were a man, I
would be an ugly man. Yeah, I I look horrible about
makeup. And Lori has the best What do
you always say when you have no makeup on?
What do you look like? Oh, I don't know.
What do I say? You say you look like a frog.
Yeah, I. Do I look like a frog?
Because I got the frowny face? Yeah, my lips blend into my

(31:33):
face, so I have no like distinctlip line, right, Right.
And I just like, I'm like, yeah,it's.
So funny when you say that. Oh, I look hideous without
makeup on. So do I, and thank God we're
not. Men.
But I used to. I used to.
I'd never worn a lot of makeup ever like I used.
To you're so lucky. And I never wore foundation

(31:56):
honestly until like a year ago. Right.
Or two years ago or whatever. Now I kind of enjoy it.
I enjoy putting on the me too. Me too, but there's a lot of
things too. When I still go to work and
Susie's like, did you fucking forget your lipstick?
And there was what? Last week?
Yeah. And I was like, did you get

(32:17):
something? And she said, what?
And I said, get your lipstick. Yeah.
And she said, no, I was like, no, you let's, let's do it.
Don't give a shit honestly, there's some days I I give a
shit every day and I don't give a.
Shit, I give a shit every day. I'll go.
To work and I'm like fuck it, I don't care how.
Often do you see me go to work without being made red carpet

(32:37):
red? Carpet.
Not very often. Not very often.
Not very often. We have a girl at work though
that beats you out like she looks.
She looks runway one way wetty. You ask All you rabbit.
She looks runway wetty. Runway.

(32:58):
Runway ready, Ray, you do it. Runway.
Ready, ready. Every day.
Every day. She's absolutely stunning.
We try to get her on our tick tock on our Instagram, but we're
afraid we'll get stalkers. But not only does the makeup
help, but eyebrows. Yeah.

(33:20):
Gen. X.
Yeah. Pamela Anderson, you screwed up
our generation. Yeah.
With the fluffing and the tweezing.
I have 0 eyebrows. Same.
Before all this microblading. Yeah, I same.
Yeah, same. I've had some work done on my
eyebrows, and I tell you that ismy.
I can tell my young self, don't touch your bloody eyebrows.

(33:42):
I don't care if it goes into fad.
I don't care if someone this gorgeous person like Pam Anus is
in your generation. Do not fuck your eyebrows.
You know what I don't understand?
I don't understand the people who put shaving lines in their
eyebrows. Men usually do that like younger
there's. Something.
There's women who do it too though, and I don't really
girls. Maybe they're girls, I don't
know. Yeah, I don't know about women,
but yeah, I know. I don't get that either, but the

(34:04):
eyebrows are a big thing. And I think the eyebrows are the
face frame of your face, like when you do your stamper.
We just LinkedIn our Amazon storefront storefront.
You look 20 years younger. Yeah, and you're?
Lucky you, you still look good like this obviously, but when
you do your eyebrows boom, 20 years old.

(34:25):
Yeah, I I do like it and I like it especially now because I got
a lighter color. The other one was a little too
bright. I.
Liked it? Brown.
It was too white. Right, right.
Dark. Yeah, like Eric hated when I
would put that on but the but this one is like a more of a
blonde brown and it. Matches your skin tone.
Better. Yeah, yeah.
And that yeah, like. What?
And we're also going to link that into our Amazon store

(34:47):
front. It is in my Amazon.
OK, good. So let's get to body.
Christ, let's tell you, let's talk about these little, let's
talk about the disgusting littlethings that show up on your skin
that are flaky and they're like little patches and you can like
scratch them off. It's like a, it's so funny.
You get except. You're not winning anything.

(35:09):
Yeah, yeah, my legs are full of that.
My legs. But they're carrots and carrots.
Whatever, whatever the whatever the shit show is.
But yeah, that the worst for me is the weight gain.
And we've talked about this on our on our other, the weight
gain is through the roof. I, I just turned 52.

(35:30):
I was 123 lbs this time last year.
I'm almost 140. Yeah.
And I'm am I doing, am I dietingreally great now?
No. Oh no.
I lost my tissue. Oh, look at your pocketbook.
It's on the Davenport. Davenport But the weight gain is

(35:56):
it's just amazing. I watch the Food Network every
night before I go to bed. I don't know what it is right
now. I'm watching Handmaids, but I
watch the Food Network. I feel like I'm gaining weight
from watching the Food Network. That's how fast I'm gaining it.
Yeah. And no matter what I eat, it
sits and I get it right. Around like a dinner too.
Like an. Yeah, I know it's no.

(36:17):
Fun, it's it no matter, you know, back in the day you would,
you would diet for a week or so and then you would be back down.
And, and now I just see each week getting heavier and heavier
and heavier. And I just went on, I went on
vacation a month ago and gained 5 lbs.
Went to visit my dad this last past weekend, gained 4 lbs.

(36:38):
It's like every time I leave thehouse and even when I'm leaving
the house. I'm gaining 5 lbs.
Yeah, I know. And I can't seem to get it off
and it's a real struggle. Well, here's the thing.
Let's be honest. Are we exercising?
No. Are we dieting?
Great. No, I know we're not.
But now we're going to have to do something well.
We listen this, now's the time, and we're finally going to do

(37:02):
it. You know what I mean?
You guys can help us be accountable if we're not 110 lbs
by the end of the month. If we're not 110 lbs by the end
of this podcast for sure, then something happens.
Something happens. And you guys understand that's

(37:24):
right. And not just OK, So the body,
sure, but the aches and pains. And I can't tell you how many
times I've heard Lori. My back hurts, your back hurts,
You're tired. My hips hurt.
I listen, but I think that I I'mhaving my hormones tracked OK,
because I there has something's got to get like I don't know

(37:45):
what's. Everything's aching.
Everything aches. I'm tired.
I'm fucking exhausted. And we're young.
Yeah, I mean, we're, we're too young to be that tired, but
there are times at work, and I'mnot kidding, I could lay on that
hard fucking tile floor and I could go to sleep like I I
thought I sleep when I'm work. You're not staying with.
Me, you're not sleeping well at night.

(38:07):
I'm just another menopause, premenopause.
Well, I I am finding, knock on wood, that I am sleeping a lot
better greatly lately. Lately, no, lately I'm sleeping
much better so I'm not as tired.I do.
Have to say. Yeah, you haven't said that, but
I got a new pillow. Maybe that's it.
Yeah, maybe that was it. But my neck hurts.

(38:28):
We're always in, you know, I tell you, and I don't know if
this happens to you, Do you everwake up in the first couple
steps that you do in the morning?
You're like a 90 year old. Yes, I if you saw the way I
would love to get. We better video.
It we have to video it because Idon't know, with my right foot,
my Achilles tendon kills me whenI'm taking those first couple

(38:52):
steps to pee my pants or any to go to the bathroom after I just
peed my pants, my feet, I look like I'm not.
I'm not even kidding. I look like I'm 90.
No, I walk like I got, oh, it just takes a minute.
I got to get this week. I get the ice going.
Yeah, You know, I'm like those elderly people at work, right?

(39:14):
Left foot is usually swollen some reason, right.
And I step on it. I'm like, oh, and it feels like
there's little needles in it. And then my hip is sore, my
knees, I sound like a popcorn machine.
That's a walking pass to Eric. He was like, what the I'm like.
Meanwhile, there's stuff coming out of your butt, I'm sure.

(39:37):
No, why would there be stuff coming out of my butt?
I'm sure you're very musical, OK.
Listen, you know what? And that's getting worse, too.
My I, I have irritable bowel syndrome.
And now I just have really, fucking really super fucking
irritated. You there's nothing.

(39:58):
I've said it once, I've said it 1000 times.
There's never not something coming out of one of your holes.
And and you know, it's not fun. It's not fun.
Yeah, especially for the people that have to be around all the
time. But it's not fun.
And now you know what happens. All of a sudden I'll just fart
and I don't even know it's coming.
I was talking to a patient, giving him I, I was giving him.

(40:20):
And it sounds like a ha, like itgoes like yes, like yes.
And I'm sitting there and it pops and.
Do you act like keep your elbow and you go, oh, sorry, that.
Is a really good idea. I usually.
Just ignore it. I usually just ignore it like a
normal person and then, you know, the other person ignores

(40:42):
it too because they're like, oh God, I'm like, I'm not going to
laugh and make her feel bad, butwe both know what happened.
We both know it. It's.
So true and it's so funny because everyone in our in our
videos, in our TikTok, in our Instagram, they're always like,
you know, they have are very gaseous.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, never have I ever done that in a

(41:05):
video? Not either.
No, it's not me. I think one of them sounded like
it was me, but it wasn't. She's way too classy for that.
I, however, AM. Not she's, yeah.
But I think that's why I love you so much, right?
We're we're so opposite that we complete one another.
Yeah, see, you're the fart between my cheeks.

(41:33):
We should probably end there. Yeah, I think that's a perfect
way to end. That's usually.
How we end the night. End.
Yeah, that's it. You know what I mean?
Something's coming out of your hole before you leave my house.
Every time, everybody. And then my my sweetie always
just shakes his head. Yeah, he knows.
Yeah, he knows. Well, everybody, thank you so

(41:53):
much for listening to our podcast.
We kind of went a little long this.
Time. We did go a little long.
We have lots to talk about. We went a little long.
We went a little long, but we thank you so much for.
Oh, can I say one thing? Yeah, quickly, Whoever watched
episode 3, I'm so sorry. I think I episode 3 about the
clothes. Remember when I said just stay

(42:15):
away from floral and stay away from?
Print Remember that this is my public apology.
Not only do I have a ton of floral, I don't wear a ton of
print, but I do have print. I I wear floral and print all
the time. Yeah, what was I thinking?
Here's the thing. I think women should dress the

(42:38):
way that makes them feel beautiful.
And I think that if it's print, if it's floral, wear it.
I think I was thinking of more of my and I said this to you
before. I was thinking when I think of
when women dress in florals and prints, I think of my mother in
her sweatshirts. But she maybe she felt beautiful

(42:59):
in those. Maybe she did.
And I am very sorry that I said that because I think about the
florals. Like, my mom would wear these
sweatshirts, and then they had these, like, hummingbirds.
Hummingbirds and florals. And that's what I'm thinking
about with florals. But almost every single one of
my sun dresses are floral. And I don't wear a lot of print,
but print's pretty, too. And I do have print.

(43:20):
So don't listen to me. Yeah, this is my public apology.
Don't listen to me. Where would you think it's
beautiful? But what I do think that helps
stressing your 50 year old body is layers and textures, and I
think that really helps. Yeah.
I think that really helps. But whatever you think looks
beautiful and whatever you feel good.
And if you feel good in it, you're gonna you.
If you look good in it, you'll feel good in it and you'll feel

(43:42):
good about yourself. Like I.
Feel good in this wrinkled shirt?
Yeah, You know what I mean? Yeah.
We'll, we'll, we'll edit it out and smooth out your wrinkles.
Yeah. We'll better filter on my shirt.
Yeah, we'll put. A filter on my face?
No, no, no. We're definitely putting a
filter. On it you guys, thank you so
much again for watching our podcast.

(44:03):
Please like and share that really helps us and tell other
people about. It so and please subscribe,
subscribe and we're trying to work on getting on Apple, yes,
Apple podcast, yes. So hopefully, so thank you for
watching us. Thank you for listening to us.
We are on Spotify for free and we also are on our YouTube
channel and you can follow us onall of our social medias.

(44:25):
Yeah. Yeah, thank you everyone.
We love you. Bye everybody.
You kids behave yourselves out there.
This concludes another exciting episode of the Potty Mouth
Checks where the only thing tighter than their friendship is
their Spanx. Don't forget to subscribe, like
and leave us a review and followus on our socials at Potty Mouth

(44:48):
Jigs.