The MAD as HELL Podcast with C.T. Sorrentino, LtCol, USAF (Ret)

My best buddy and service dog, Kemper, left us a year ago and I miss him terribly. So, as I always said to Kemper, Let's Do This!

Retired US Air Force officer and disabled combat veteran, LtCol C.T. Sorrentino, discusses the broken VA system is, healthcare and disability claims are a labyrinth of bureaucratic bullshit wit the end goal of doing as little as possible in an effort to save veteran lives.

The VA looks for ways to fuck the veteran, not help the veteran, all in the name of bureaucracy and government unefficiency while dozens of veterans kill themselves every day. As a combat veteran, I have suffered from PTSD for many years and the struggles of deep depressions and nearly constant anxiety have been debilitating.

I learned to self-medicate with alcohol in the military and have been a binge abuser for many years. I have been to the ER 9 times since 2012 and hospitalized 3 times, the latest on December 9th, 2024 after a suicide attempt. In April 2021,

Severely depressed and anxious constantly, on August 13th I traveled at my own expense to the USA to attend VA C&P exams for my PACT disability claim and to try to get help for my quickly deteriorating health. The trip was almost a complete waste of time thanks to Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) gross mismanagement of my claim and complete incompetence on the part of the VA. They failed me.

On December 6th, I accused the VFW of gross negligence in mismanaging my claim to failure and they notified me that they would no longer represent me in my claim! First, Joe Stutzman's negligence in filing my claim uncorrectly, then being AWOL when my claim started falling apart in mid-September

On December 7th, I tried to commit suicide because of overwhelming anger at and frustration with the VA and VFW and poor impulse control led to me buying 5 liters of bourbon and locking myself in my room with the booze and a climbing ax.

On December 9th, I was restrained beyond my range-of-motion limits behind back after being manhandled by five young, strong Portuguese police officers. My wife had called for help, but was physically prohibited by police in our own home from watching as they threw me around before forcing my arms behind my back as I screamed I'm a disabled veteran¨ over and over and over. I was then transported 30 minutes to the local hospital, my arms restrained behind my back and my full 225 pounds of body weight pressing down on my arms,

During my 36 hours in the hospital, I had no vitals taken the entire time, I was tied to bed (hand and foot) for over 14 hours, the nurses were rude with minimum car and I didn't see a doctor for over 30 hours.

I was released from the hospital very late on December 10th and beside still being extremely depressed, I was now in extreme pain after the assault against me by police. I have intense shoulder and neck pain, numbness in both hands (nerve damage), bruises, and an abrasion on and pain in my left elbow.

December 13th was the 1-year anniversary of the death of my best friend and service dog, Kemper and December 15th was my birthday, but I was depressed to the point of being unable to talk and has continued until present. Then on December 25th, I was abandoned by both of my sons on the worst day of my life. I was extremely suicidal.

I have been trying to get help in the US ever since December 10th, but the VA has failed me once again and nobody else seems to care or take Tricare for Life. The VA, VFW, DAV, WWP, and Senator Patty Murray have all ignored my pleas for help and, right now, I don't know which end is up, whether this is all physical (long-COVID), mental, or both.

I spoke with UCLA's Operation MEND last night and it sounds like a good fit, a mix of mental and physical assessments and treatments, IF THEY ACCEPT ME.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello, I'm C.T. Sorrentino, Lieutenant Colonel, U.S. Air Force retired.

(00:08):
I was planning on doing this much more professionally on the first episode of my podcast, but the
situation hasn't lent itself to that.
And I feel that I need to go online right now and tell you all what's going on.

(00:34):
I'm a disabled combat veteran.
I spent 20 years in the Air Force, Operation Joint Endeavour, Operation Allied Force, Operation
Southern Watch, Operation Enduring Freedom.
I've been in combat operations for two years in combat zones.

(00:55):
And a VA is useless.
The VA is broken, hard broke.
Providers, staff are telecommuting from home.
This is years after COVID.

(01:16):
There's still telecommuting from home.
I spent two months recently in the USA trying to get help for my PTSD, my depression, my
anxiety, my brain fog.

(01:39):
Two months at the Vancouver, Washington VA, and they did absolutely nothing.
I saw one doctor the entire time I was there, a rheumatologist.
In over 60 days, I was able to see one doctor.

(02:00):
This is the way the VA works.
They don't do what Donald Trump used to call Veterans Choice.
They call it community care or something like that now.
Used to be that you could get in with them.
If you couldn't get into the VA within 30 days, they would send you into the community.

(02:20):
So you could get in right away, especially for crisis, like mental health crisis, like
I'm going through right now.
But they don't do that anymore.
I spent 60 days in the USA trying to get help for my physical issues, which are severe.
I've been sick for four years now.

(02:43):
Extremely ill, haven't left the house in five months.
The VA was completely useless, completely useless.
At the same time, I was filing my VA PAC claim for my disabilities.
In 2005, I retired from the Air Force.

(03:05):
I was first assigned a 50% disability, 10% for anxiety and depression, which is absurd.
Sorry, my brain fog, I got terrible cognitive issues.
If I lose track of where I was going, bear with me.

(03:29):
What was I saying?
Anyway, the VA is heart broke.
They don't care if you're suicidal.
They got to cross their T's and dot their I's, and that's all they give a shit about.
I'm working from home.
Got to work from home.
It's absolutely ridiculous.

(03:51):
Because you're dying.
Used to be 22 a day.
I'm sure the number is much higher than that because I almost died several times.
I just completely, well, didn't complete.
I just attempted my second suicide on the 9th of December, thanks to the VA and the veterans
of foreign wars.

(04:11):
I've been struggling for four years physically.
I've been struggling for six months.
Terrible struggling.
Unable to leave the house.
The press beyond belief.
Anxiety through the roof.
It's a fucking nightmare.

(04:31):
And the VA doesn't give a shit.
Oh, you're in Portugal.
Okay, we live in Portugal because right now, because my wife's mother is sick and we've
been here taking care of her.
But the VA doesn't give a shit about veterans overseas.
They can't even call you overseas.
He can't even put in an overseas non-US phone number to their system.

(04:54):
How many thousands, tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of veterans are living overseas
right now, like me, and can't get any services from the VA?
The VA does not support veterans overseas.
Okay?
I'm trying to get into a program, residential treatment program for PTSD in the States because

(05:16):
I tried to kill myself about three weeks ago.
Am I depression and anxiety through the roof?
If I don't get treatment soon, something bad's going to happen.
I've had very poor impulse control for the last four years because of...

(05:41):
I got sick after I got the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.
And I've been sick ever since.
I can't think.
The brain fog is terrible.
It's overwhelming and it's miserable.

(06:03):
So excuse me, I lost my train of thought.
I have no idea what I was talking about.
Anyway, the VA is in terrible shape.
They basically traumatized me.
Let me tell you the quick story.
I've been asking the VA for help since my suicide attempt on 9th of December.

(06:29):
And besides ignoring my messages for over a week, 10 days, I finally got a response from
my VA psychiatrist, Dr. Eisenberg of the Vancouver VA, telling me there's nothing they would
do for me.
Period.

(06:50):
There's nothing we're going to do for you.
We don't care if you're suicidal.
We don't care if you tried to kill yourself.
You're overseas so you're on your own, buddy.
Here I am in Portugal.
I don't speak Portuguese.
The fucking doctors here, they don't speak English.
How am I supposed to get mental health treatment in Portugal when they don't speak English

(07:11):
and they're incompetent?
Okay.
I've been trying for a month to get help in the U.S.
I'm currently working with UCLA, Operation MEND.
They've been very kind and have taken the time to talk to me, as a matter of fact, last
night.
I think it may end in their PTSD program.

(07:34):
Those people I've talked to in a month, okay?
I've been begging for help from the VA, the VFW, Disabled American Veterans, Wounded Warrior
Project.
You name it.
They don't give a shit.
None of them.
They don't give a shit about veterans.
Okay.

(07:55):
All they care about is bringing in members of money.
Okay.
Wounded Warrior Project, they won't even respond.
I sent them an email begging for help.
Wounded Warrior Project, okay?
Supposed to be protecting wounded warriors.
And they didn't even bother to respond.
My wife sent an email to them asking them, how come you don't respond to my husband?

(08:16):
And again, no response.
Okay.
These are our veteran nonprofits in business.
The FW have fucked me on my claim.
They are negligent.
Okay.
They didn't submit all the disabilities that I asked them to submit, okay, that weren't
submitted in 2005 for some reason, or 2007 in my appeal, where I went up to 80%.

(08:45):
So they failed to list some very critical disabilities in my application, my PAC Claim
application.
That was the start.
Okay.
I don't know about this, actually, when my claim had already been decided.
So I was in the States for two months specifically to attend these PAC Claim exams, C&P exams,

(09:09):
they call them by this incompetent contractors that the VA has, VES, OptumServe, QTC, these
idiots who are running the VA C&P exam process, they make appointments for you without even

(09:30):
asking you, okay.
Appointments, for example, I had one for the next day.
Okay.
I got a letter in the mail saying, you have an appointment tomorrow morning, 60 miles
away.
Okay.
I had appointments.
I had business.
I can't just cancel everything and go to appointment.

(09:52):
Okay.
The next day.
Other appointments, okay.
There was appointments that were made for me, things started to fall apart while I was
in Portland, Oregon, trying to get help from the VA for my physical disabilities and also
on my PAC Claim.
Traveled there on my own expense, spent over $5,000 and 60 days to get this VA PAC Claim

(10:15):
done correctly.
Okay.
And Joseph Stutzman, my VFW, Veterans of Foreign Wars, Veteran Service Officer, this
asshole, disappeared midclaim.
Excuse me.

(10:36):
In mid-September, okay, I was leaving.
I was there from October 13th through October 14th, two months, over two months.
And Joseph Stutzman disappeared, wouldn't respond to my emails.
As of mid-September when my claim was falling apart, okay.
I saw it falling apart.
I saw these appointments coming up and after I was actually leaving and stuff, and he dropped

(11:05):
the ball.
He was negligent.
Okay.
So, he wasn't able to intervene and get these appointments back on track.
I finally ended up getting appointments.
I left October 14th from the U.S. and on November 5th, okay, I got a notification from the United

(11:31):
States Postal Service saying that I had a letter coming.
I had no idea what it was because I'm in Portugal.
I did this all through the USPS website.
I found out on the 19th of November when my son finally arrived at our house in Washington

(11:54):
state, he opened up the letters and sent them to me and they were appointments.
Okay.
This package with the appointments notifications in it was sent to me, it was mailed on November
5th, okay.

(12:15):
I left Washington, Portland, Oregon on October 14th.
Fuck you.
And the VA knew this.
They knew I was leaving on October 14th.
So I get a package with these appointments on.

(12:38):
Mailed on November 5th, arrived on November 6th, okay, for the first appointment, which
was two days earlier, November 4th, okay.
I got notified two days after.
Actually, it turned out to be 15 days after because the house was empty, you know, when
they mailed this package there.

(12:59):
So no one was there to open it.
And so I sat there for 15 days.
So the appointments, fuck.
Sorry.
Three appointments, one for the 4th of November, I think one for the 11th and one for the 12th

(13:24):
of November.
Okay, remember my son didn't get there until November 19th.
So I knew nothing about these appointments until they were already over.
Thanks to the morons, the idiots, the cretins, the incompetence at these contractors, you
know, best op-and-serve QTC.
It's completely broken, okay.

(13:46):
These idiots have no idea what they're doing.
You can't reschedule.
You call them reschedule and they cancel your appointments.
It's a fucking nightmare, okay.
It's completely broken.
So long story short, I've been abused by the VA.

(14:08):
I've been traumatized by the VA because of their complete incompetence.
Not only in not helping me figure out what's going on with my health, okay.
I feel like I'm fucking dying.
I haven't left the house in five months.
I have no energy.

(14:31):
I can't think.
My brain doesn't fucking work.
My anxiety is through the roof.
My depression is worse than it's ever been.
It's the most god-awful feeling I've ever had in my life.
It's been going on for a month and nobody gives a fuck.
Okay.
I'm in Portugal trying to get help, begging for help, and nobody gives a fuck.

(14:59):
This is the way the VA is working, okay.
This is the way the VA treats its veterans with complete contempt, zero compassion.
It's a fucking nightmare.
It's broken.
It's hard broke.
And veterans deserve better than this, okay.
If it wasn't for my wife, I'd be dead by now, okay.

(15:23):
I've been telling my VA psychiatrist since August when I first met him.
Never met him, actually.
Talked to him on the phone because he's working from home like everybody else.
Fucking useless bastards.
Psychiatrist working from home.

(15:49):
Before Biden took over as president, the VA was in actually pretty good shape.
I was getting decent care there, okay.
The Veterans Choice Program was working pretty well.
But since Biden's taken over, it's completely gone to shit.
I can't believe what a nightmare it is.

(16:13):
I could go on and on and on about how broken the system is, but you get the idea.
I'm trying to get into UCLA, basically the last opportunity for me to get help because

(16:35):
I'm going to die.
Not because I intentionally try to kill myself, but I have no impulse control since I got
this long COVID or whatever the fuck it is.

(16:55):
I had zero impulse control.
My personality has completely changed.
I've become impulsive, aggressive, angry.
But myself and others in danger many, many times.
I've gotten eight speeding tickets since I got here.
I had one speeding ticket 20 years ago before I came here.

(17:20):
I'm just a different person.
My wife will tell you that my personality has completely changed and I can't deal with
it anymore.
I'm going to die if something doesn't change.
So I'm talking to you, and this is going to be much more organized in the future.
It's going to be much more professional.

(17:46):
But I need to get this out there and let you know what's going on and maybe keep you up
to date as I try and get help.
It's not looking very good right now.
If I suddenly disappear, it's because I'm dead.

(18:06):
Not because I wanted to kill myself.
It's because the VA wouldn't help me.
Nobody would help me.
It all takes as one impulse and a lack of impulse control and I'm a dead man.
So almost happened on December 9th.
It also happened in January 2020 when I was in Phoenix, Arizona.

(18:33):
Here's something else I want to talk to you about before I sign off.
Alcoholism, alcohol abuse in the military.
It's been going on for generations.
You can't tell anybody you have an alcohol problem in your military.

(18:55):
You can't seek mental health care when you're in the military because it'll end your career.
You're an alcoholic, you've got mental problems, your career's over.
So we don't go to the doctor.
We don't go to mental health.
We don't talk to people about our alcohol abuse, our alcoholism because it's going

(19:20):
to end your career.
So when you get out, okay, how many of us are alcoholics?
You know, 50%, 75% I have no fucking idea when we get out of the military because we
use alcohol to self-medicate.
You can't go to mental health.
You can't get help from doctors.

(19:40):
So you self-medicate with alcohol.
You can't smoke dope, you know, because you get thrown out of the military.
So you use alcohol, but you can't tell anybody that you're abusing alcohol.
So how many veterans, I'd say probably close to 100%, their alcohol problems are not diagnosed,

(20:05):
they're not assessed by the military or the VA when we get out, when we retire.
So 50%, 75%, 100%, I don't know how many people have drinking problems, a lot coming
out of the military because you shove that shit down for years and years because you

(20:26):
have nobody to talk to about it.
You shove it and shove it and shove it and then it blows up out of fucking control.
And there you are, dead in jail, you know, whatever the case may be.
See, I lost my train of thought again.

(20:48):
I had no idea what I was talking about.
Anyway, I'm mad as fucking hell as I'm not going to take it anymore.
I'm not going to take it anymore.
Okay.

(21:09):
I'm going to get the word out.
I notified the chairman of the House Committee on Veterans Affairs yesterday, volunteered
to testify before Congress.
I want to tell people what I know, what I've experienced, how I've been fucked by the
VA, how all of us have been fucked by the VA.

(21:30):
Okay.
I want to go and testify.
I don't like talking in front of people.
I don't like.
I just don't like crowds.
I don't like people in general.
Okay.
But I don't like talking.
But I'll go and testify before Congress, even though I absolutely would hate it.
But I'll go because it's important to expose these fucking idiots for who they are, these

(21:59):
incompetent, uncompassionate bureaucrats, the deep state that runs the VA, the deep state
that runs the Vancouver VA.
These are the people making decisions for veterans.
These are the people making decisions that affect veterans' lives.
Okay.
They don't care about veterans.

(22:20):
They don't care about veterans.
The VFW doesn't care about veterans.
Wounded Warrior Project doesn't care about veterans.
Disabled American veterans doesn't care about veterans.
Okay.
They all have veterans in their name.
They're supposed to be veterans, nonprofits, veterans, organizations.
But they don't give a fuck about veterans.
All they care about is getting members, selling t-shirts, making fucking money.

(22:50):
Stay tuned.
We'll see what happens.
Fuck, sorry.
I'll see what happens with my claim and my current situation, which is not good.

(23:13):
Anyway, I'll be back for an update.
I'll be a little more professional, maybe put a little script together so I'm not so
all over the place.
But thanks for checking in.
God bless you and pray for veterans, okay?

(23:36):
Because we need all the help we can get right now.
This is CT Sorrentino and I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore.
Fuck you, VA.
Fuck you.