April 17, 2025 • 30 mins
Are you falling in love—or falling for the hype?
In this laugh-out-loud and refreshingly honest premiere episode of Andi & Mich, two sisters from two generations ask the question: Is love really blind, or are we just ignoring red flags with rose-colored glasses? 💘👀
We dive into the wildly popular Netflix show Love is Blind, the jaw-dropping British dating experiment Naked Attraction, and a few real-life stories of romantic delusion (we’ve all been there). From first-date icks to soulmate debates, this episode serves up hilarious generational takes, thoughtful relationship insight, and sisterly storytelling with plenty of cafecito-fueled wisdom.
Expect real talk about:
- Dating in a world of apps, filters, and fear of vulnerability 📱
- Why romantic chemistry isn’t always a green flag 🚩
- The difference between love, lust, and emotional substitute teachers
- Whether attraction grows—or fades—over time 💫
- Why learning to date yourself first changes everything 💕
Whether you're single, partnered, or somewhere in between, this episode will make you laugh, think, and maybe rethink your definition of love.
Two Sisters. Two Generations. Lots of Laughs.
If you liked this episode please like and follow our podcast, leave us a comment, and share it with a friend. Your support helps us to keep the conversations going. <3
-Andi and Mich
The Andi and Mich Podcast: Two Sisters, Two Generations, Unique Perspectives, Lots of Laughs
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the very firstepisode of Andy and Mitch.
(00:02):
Two sisters, two generations,and way too many opinions on
love dating and reality tv.
And today we're starting strongwith a question that's both
philosophical and pop culture.
Gold is love blind.
We'll be talking about theNetflix show.
Love is Blind, but also digginginto whether real life love can
really overcome appearances, redflags, and those first date
(00:26):
icks.
And can love truly overlookflaws, or did we just rebrand
passion as toxic behavior?
Let's get into it.
The love is Blind effect.
So before we get too far intothe conversation, I guess we
should talk about like what isLove is Blind for listeners that
(00:46):
might be unfamiliar with theshow.
There's a show on Netflix.
It's in what season?
Eight.
How many seasons?
Eight seasons.
Yes.
Of the show.
And I, I think I saw the firstseason, maybe part of the second
one, and then I was over it.
But Mitch made me watch the mostrecent season, season eight.
(01:08):
Yes.
And we got into this wholeconversation about relationships
and dating in modern day.
And is love really blind?
And we had some similar and somedifferent opinions about it as
we watched the show.
And then we also watched anothershow called Naked Attraction.
(01:29):
Which, let's break it down.
The two shows are verydifferent.
They're the polar opposite ofeach other, polar opposite.
So Love is Blind is a show whereyou find a match and fall in
love And they, they basicallyhave to stay in these pods,
right.
And form an emotionalconnection, quote unquote.
And then if the connection'sstrong enough, they agree to
marry each other sight unseen.
(01:51):
They try to do everything tohelp them harness that
attraction and, and to reallyform a significant bond before
they release them back into thewild of their existing lives.
Okay.
And then they have to get to theend to decide if they actually
do want to go through with itand get married or not?
Yes.
So that is Love is blind.
If you've never seen it, it's onNetflix.
(02:13):
Knock Yourself out.
We also watched, the BritishDating Show Naked Attraction.
And she was like, I don't evenknow what that is.
I was like, you have to watchthis'cause it's the complete
opposite..
You see somebody naked firstbefore you hear their voice and
(02:34):
before you even have aconversation with them or go out
on a date with them.
The person doing the choosingnarrows it down to two people.
And then once it's down to twopeople, then they show them
their naked body.
Yes.
And then they pick one and theydecide to go on a date clothed.
I, I do wanna just also pointout that the differentiation is
(02:56):
that this is based on a socialexperiment, which is inspired by
evolutionary science where it'sbelieved that in the past,
people selected mates basedsolely on physical appearance
because the strongest wouldproduce the best warriors and et
cetera, et cetera.
And it's kind of cool'cause theydo tell you like facts about
that.
Yes.
They do talk to you about likedating facts, biological facts
(03:20):
related to how we pick mates andpartners and what traits are
most desirable versus othertraits.
And it is kind of interesting tohear that.
I was just so surprised to seeso many naked parts.
But then also it's kind of coolto watch.
It just changes the way that yousee bodies and the way that you
understand attraction it's alsokind of interesting to watch,
(03:41):
the different culturalexpectations of attraction,
right?
Because it's over the pond, sotheir expectations of physical
attraction is what I wouldperceive completely different
from here in the United States.
In watching both shows, I thinkthey're different and you kind
of have a different reaction tothem.
(04:02):
But once you get past thenakedness, you really start to
think like, oh, okay, so whichone is actually more effective?
And which way actually makesmore sense.
What surprised you most aboutwatching Naked Attraction?
'cause you were so, I was so inshock.
I was in shock, I really was, Icame outta left field with that.
Well, because I thought, okay,yeah, they, they're gonna see
(04:23):
like some part, no, they show itall full frontal, they show the
whole nine.
And I think, and that's beforethey're even allowed to speak.
So that was really shocking atfirst.
And then I quickly understoodwhat the premise was.
After watching like the firstepisode, which is two different
people going through theprocess.
You kind of get this sense oflike, oh, this is weirdly
(04:46):
revealing in a different way.
Right.
Obviously,'cause you'recompletely nude, but it's a
different form of vulnerability.
And I think that when they go onthe dates, it just changes the
game.
Mm-hmm.
There's no weird pressure like,is this person attracted to me?
Am I making the right moves?
Am I putting them off?
(05:06):
Like there's so many differentthings that go through people's
minds when they're dating.
Mm-hmm.
And this completely eliminatesthat.
So I think when they go into thedating experience, there's like
a natural flow to things Solet's go back to, love is Blind
for a moment.
Yeah.
Because this is the big one,right?
That like, everybody talks aboutit, it's been around for a
while.
It's a very popular dating show.
(05:27):
what surprised you most aboutwatching that show?
I mean, like, just think,imagine yourself meeting someone
through a wall and then decidingto marry no.
No way.
Absolutely not.
and this is not solely sayingthis from like a, a superficial
vein.
It's okay.
You can say you're superficial..
Um, it, this is not like that.
(05:49):
It's just I would never do thatbecause I think love is a combo
plate.
It's not just one thing oranother.
And certain personality traitsand characteristics and values
can make you even moreattractive in certain areas
yeah.
I think there's so manydifferent layers.
Number one, no.
I'm too old for that.
But number two, if I was in mytwenties, some of'em are late
twenties, Some of them are atlike in their late, oh, some of
(06:12):
them are.
Okay, well nevermind.
Sorry, I'm not trying to judgeyou.
You know what I'm saying?
But personally, I just, itwouldn't be for me.
I like the idea that they'retrying to get at where you wanna
get to know as much as you canabout somebody before.
without the other pressures on.
So you really get to know theperson.
But in reality, I think there'sso many layers to a relationship
(06:35):
and finding a partnership thatactually works, that it's not
just a one size fits all kind ofdeal.
You have to take into accountall of the factors.
Yeah.
That make a good relationship.
And so, no, I need to see yourcredit score, see what you look
like.
I need to know who your peopleare.
(06:55):
I need to know what kind oftrauma you're coming with with
your family.
And what they're all about.
You know what I mean?
And I need to see how you live.
You have to say, is yourmattress on the floor?
That's a thing.
Okay.
So with all of that, yeah.
Do we believe that love isactually blind?
Initially it can feel like it'sblind.
(07:17):
But if you want a long lastingrelationship that is built on
actual love, then the answer isno.
No, you're saying no I'm sayinginitially it could feel like
you're capable of falling inlove It can feel really exciting
and it's more passion driventhan it is actually love driven.
(07:38):
I think loving someone despiteX, Y, and Z.
Not loving someone because whatthey bring to the plate.
Do you get what I'm saying?
Kind of.
So my answer's no.
So the answer is no.
Let's be clear.
The millennial thinks love canbe blind, but long term you
(08:02):
gotta have your eyes wide open.
Yes.
Okay.
I don't think love is blind atall.
I, I just like, Nope, not athing.
I think if you go into arelationship believing that love
is blind you're definitelyheaded for doom and destruction
and lots of therapy.
(08:23):
'cause you're setting yourselfup for failure, and you're
probably moving through thisrelationship with false
expectations.
I can't say, yes, I'm gonnamarry someone Sight unseen.
didn't even buy a house.
sight unseen or adopt a dog, youknow what I mean?
Like, I need to see the dog.
I need to like, do we connect?
Is there an energetic bond?
Okay, I get what you're saying.
(08:43):
So some, some element ofsuperficiality exists in
everyone, is what you're saying?
Yeah, of course.
Okay, cool.
I think negative attraction,prove that.
Right?
It's evolution.
I think both can exist, but itdepends on how, oh man, I was
about to say delusional, but Ididn't where they overtly
romanticize things?
Yeah.
In a romanticized world.
(09:03):
Yeah.
In idealism.
Mm-hmm.
It can exist.
In actuality when you, when thecards are on the table and
you're playing your hand, itdoesn't always work out.
Now, I'm not gonna say itdoesn't work out for everybody
cause that's a pretty jaded wayto look at things.
And I also think there are somelucky individuals who truly
believe that love is blind, andthat's how their story worked
(09:26):
out, and it's really beautifulbut that's not the majority.
I also think about love isblind.
If we go deeper with it.
Maybe you meet someone inperson.
Yeah.
But is love blind in the sensethat you're willing to overlook
red flags because you're reallyinto them.
Yeah.
Like, have you ever done that?
(09:46):
Have you ever overlookedsomebody's red flags?
I laugh because, is this even aquestion?
Like, who hasn't?
Right?
Like, raise your hand if youhaven't.
I didn't even just overlookthem.
I held the flags for them.
You decorated the flags.
No, for real.
Yeah.
And I agree.
I think that some of those oldadages, like love is blind, it's
very easy to confuse theidealism behind love is blind as
(10:12):
just don't notice their flaws.
Because if you do, you're gonnabe an inconvenience or you're
gonna make it uncomfortable or,you are going to accept, less
than in the pursuit of love.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I think when you're young too.
Which also, it's kind ofsurprising that some of these
contestants are older that go onthese shows, because I think
when you're young, when you'rein your twenties, the idea of
(10:35):
like what attraction is, looksdifferent than when you're in
your thirties, forties plus,right?
Because when you're young, youjust don't really know who you
are, fully what you want and,and I'll say even older, right?
Like some of us are still myselfincluded, figuring out like, who
are we?
Who am I?
What do I want?
In life now as a woman in herforties, but I can look back at
(10:59):
my 20-year-old self and look atwhat was I attracted to then.
And mind you, I'm taken.
I've been in a relationship for24 years.
Love you, boo.
I wanna just add something inthere really quickly, is that
these shows, although they'revery, very like elaborate
versions of, they arereminiscent of today's modern
(11:20):
dating world.
Like the concept that love isblind, feels so far fetched, but
in reality, that's how peopleare meeting via apps.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, yeah, you are seeingthem, but you're seeing visual
representations of them that mayor may not be skewed.
May or may not be actual.
So many of my friends tell methat they match with somebody,
the moment where he shows up andthen they're like, well my God,
(11:40):
this is all a lie.
True.
Because technology plays a bigpart in it.
Like I was talking to some of myyounger colleagues.
And they asked me like, how didI meet my partner?
And I'm like, listen, I'm old.
We didn't have all this stuff.
We met at a doctor's office inreal life.
Yeah.
And in real life, like most ofthe people I dated when I was
(12:00):
younger, I met through somebodyor just doing normal everyday
things.
I think that's the beauty ofbeing millennials.
So you entered into the datingworld with that.
But you also had MySpace andFacebook happening at the same
time, so you were also able toreach people in Ireland, you
know?
Right.
And you weren't expanded thedating pool but it also expanded
(12:23):
the expectations.
I'm gonna throw another show inthe mix.
I really like, I was watchingwith mom.
The Muslim matchmaker.
Of those two ladies, they'reamazing and really fun to watch.
They're so funny.
But I like their approach too,because they're all about
in-person, right?
Mm-hmm.
So they're connecting peoplebased on common interests and
what they think they're lookingfor.
But they give them a script.
(12:44):
So they have to have so manynumber of dates before they
decide that the person is not agood match for them.
Because I think they're reallytouching on this idea that you
have to push past thesuperficial stuff that people
put out to get to know someoneon this deeper level, which
takes time.
And then they give them like allof these questions that are
(13:05):
pretty deep, pretty fast, sothat you can get to know if
there's a real connection there.
Either way, because I think youcould look at someone and say
they're kind of cool, but maybeI'm not as physically attracted
to them.
But then you go through thisprocess and get to know the
deeper part, and that attractioncan grow.
Or you see someone and you'relike, man, you're super fine,
you know, you're really hot.
(13:26):
Like, I don't even care how youkeep your sock drawer.
But I was, wait, but then youtalked to, to them and you're
like, no, not so much.
Yeah.
But when they're really hot likethat, like let's be real, like
how many of us actually keep ittogether?
That's the part that's kind offunny to me is that like, yeah,
I mean, some people do keep ittogether.
They're super smooth and they'rehighly confident people.
(13:48):
They're just out there like init to win it.
They're just constantly dunking.
I'm gonna keep using metaphorsthat make no sense to most of
you.
Um, welcome to your thirties.
Let's get more into thepsychology behind this.
I think we mentioned earlierthat like, can love make us
overlook flaws when we thinkabout rose colored glasses?
I've excused so many things.
(14:11):
Just so many things.
I think the rose colored glassesto me.
I know, I can see the flag, Ican see the flaw, I can see the,
the, the characteristic thatmaybe I'm not really connecting
that well to, and I'm very awareof it, but because of other
(14:33):
factors I'm choosing to kind oflike, oh, I'm just gonna put a
pin in that.
The perks outweigh the theflaws.
I dunno if that's love though.
That's the thing.
It's not love.
Yeah.
I think that's likesubstitution, that's just dub a
new word in there.
Uh, that's, it's a substitute,like a substitute teacher.
Like they're okay.
(14:53):
They're not it.
I think that's the other thingthat gets me too, especially in
all these conversations andwatching these shows is
everybody's talking about love,love, love.
But I'm like, is it love though?
Like.
Maybe one or two people.
I could see were showing signsof actual love for each other,
but most of it was justattraction, connection.
(15:13):
There's just like this energybetween people.
Yes.
To go back to what I said aboutthe dating apps and the way that
modern society kind of looks atestablishing connection, how
it's kind of like an Amazon shopmm-hmm.
Today's dating pool and theseyounger generations have told me
that you can't just go up tosomebody at the supermarket and
(15:36):
talk to them because then you'regonna be considered a
psychopath.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Not even, not even in a meanway.
When people stop me and they'relike, I totally know you from X,
Y, and z, I instantly just ah,and my body has a reaction, I'm
in danger.
You know?
I'm not in danger at all.
They're just, Hey, it's you.
(15:56):
You know, proceeds to run out ofthe store without your basket.
That is just a biologicalreaction that happens now.
Yeah.
We're very instilled to havefear instead of, this natural,
oh, let's have a conversationand talk and I will say this as
a woman, I don't think it's thesame for men.
I might be wrong.
Anxiety is, is.
Reaching all of us at thispoint.
(16:18):
Yeah.
I mean obviously we're givingour perspectives from our side.
Yeah.
We can only speak to ourexperiences.
Very true.
So that leads us to our nextquestion.
What's the societal influence?
Do societal expectations make usblind to reality in
relationships?
What do you think?
I mean, I think we're raised onrom-coms, and of course we think
(16:41):
love should be dramatic.
Yeah.
And there's also this soldconcept that we should win over
the emotionally unavailable thatshould be the goal.
As you're talking about this,I'm thinking about that movie.
He's just not that into you.
Yes.
And they talk about how, causeshe's.
The, the main character, I don'tknow what her name is, but she's
(17:02):
trying to date and get out thereand meet someone.
And so she, but she's kind of alittle needy about it.
So she gets really into the realestate agent who's into the
other character.
that Gigi Phillips.
Yes.
Yeah.
Gigi.
And then, um, the real estateagent's really into this other
girl who's beautiful, but she'sreally into this other guy who's
(17:23):
totally unavailable and married.
And it talks about like thecomplexities in that and how.
We believe these stories thatwe're told about how, you know,
love is so romantic and itdoesn't matter and it will test
you.
And, if he mistreats you, it's'cause he likes you.
It's because he likes you.
Like if you're a little kid andthe person you like pushes you
(17:45):
at the playground that meansthey like you.
Like it's already ingrained inyour head, very early on.
And that also, if it's meant tobe, it will happen.
You know, all the bullshit thatwe're told.
You know, I, wait, can I, can Ijust make a note?
I think it's really funny thatyou are like, so like no love,
love is not blind and that'sbullshit.
(18:07):
But you had the most meet cute.
I did.
Yeah.
But I still agreed.
Listen, I met my love and it wasnot blind.
It was not blind.
It was not blind.
I also wanna say in watchingNaked Attraction, one of the
things that I noticed was that,again, from a solely.
Superficial standpoint, if youwere to pick out the best quote
(18:30):
unquote looking people, youwould be surprised at the level
of chemistry that exists withinthe act of attraction in
general.
Like good looking person withgood looking person.
Not always.
Sometimes you think that they'regonna go fully superficial.
Like there was this one guy onnegative attraction, very good
looking guy, and when he waspicking between the two women
(18:51):
that he was at the very endwith, they were completely
opposite of one opposite.
Yeah.
And he was talking about why hewas potentially gonna choose one
or the other.
And one of the things he saidwas, I also hate my calves.
And she said she hates hercalves too.
So it was this reallyinteresting thing he found the
beauty in the thing that he alsodisliked about himself in her.
(19:13):
Well, when I think aboutsuperficiality, it's like very
narrow minded.
It's like the concept of Theywant women that look like
they're from magazines.
But in reality I was like, oh,this is kind of interesting.
It's an interesting concept of,physical attraction because the
way that we see other people isoftentimes, the way that we also
view parts of ourselves.
(19:33):
He connected with that.
That they had something incommon..
He felt very vulnerable about..
She also shared the samevulnerability, so there was a
spark, right?
Yeah.
There with that connection thatmaybe he felt he couldn't maybe
connect on a deeper level to theother one because he didn't find
a, spark of vulnerability there.
She was a model..
(19:54):
But does that make it more realthen, if, if you're going that
way, if you're starting purelyphysical, like naked attraction
does that make the datingprocess and finding love in a
connection more real than goingthe other way?
In Love is blind, okay, so thisis gonna be the controversial
(20:16):
bit I think that a lot of timessuperficiality gets a bad rap,
and to be fair, it is prettyugly what lives within the realm
of superficiality and how peopleuse the term, right?
And use the understanding of thedefinition.
I wanna say that.
(20:38):
From what I've seen in these twoshows, three shows since we're
talking about the lovelymatchmakers mm-hmm.
Who are fantastic.
And if you never checked outthat show, you should definitely
check out that show because theymake really good points about
connection.
And how to build lastingrelationships with people.
Based on all the informationthat I've acquired from watching
these shows and from myeducational background there's
an element of truth in thesuperficial component that is
(21:04):
required to exist in arelational bond.
Okay?
And it doesn't always mean thatthe person is superficial, but
it does mean that there is atrue connection that they are
finding within the person'sphysical body.
(21:27):
Mm-hmm.
It doesn't mean that they looklike a model.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
It just means that something inthe way that they present
themselves is incrediblyphysically attractive, and so
therefore there's a little bitmore of a foundation for an
honest component to thepotential of it becoming a real
relationship.
Mm-hmm.
(21:48):
Can you get that from anInstagram picture?
Can you get that from a datingapp picture?
No.
Yeah.
No.
I mean, it's real if you'renaked.
Yeah.
You've never met these peoplebefore.
Yeah.
The other element of naked, uh,naked and afraid different shows
attraction.
Element of Naked and Afraidexists in Naked attraction for
sure.
I think, in negative attraction.
(22:08):
The other element is that theyare in person.
So they're naked and they're inperson.
And you can see them you're likesharing the same energetic space
with them.
And so while there is thisreally cool element of love is
blind, where it's kind ofemotional vulnerability, uh,
cloak one might say, um, becauseit removes the pressures of the
(22:29):
physical attraction.
I think the only thing that itreally does allow for is
open-mindedness, right?
Because you're not gonnacompletely ignore the fact that
you could potentially build arelationship with someone based
on the fact that they're fivefour, right?
Yes.
So I think that's the one thingthat love is blind adds.
But also negative attraction hasit as well, because, oh, this is
(22:50):
the, the kicker, they revealparts of their body in segments.
Mm-hmm.
So the first part that you seeis their feet, their calves,
their genitals, and then it goesup to their stomach and their
shoulders, which, let me justsay shoulder game.
Real thing.
Real thing.
Real thing.
More important than some of theother features.
Like way more important thansome features changes the whole
(23:14):
landscape.
Okay.
You thought you were inAntartica, you're in Arizona.
It's like desert.
Like it also, interestinglyenough, when you see the
shoulders, it projects a certainlevel of confidence that the
rest of the body doesn't, andyou can see the, yeah.
That the rest of the bodydoesn't.
Because of the way that they'restanding.
So they're reading the bodylanguage of somebody.
Crazy.
(23:34):
And it did change'cause changeseverything.
Some of the people who maybewould be considered
stereotypically more attractivethat didn't have a good shoulder
layout or posture dance orposture kind of fell down the
list very quickly.
You quickly opposed like to someof the other ones who carried
themselves with more confidence.
And then there's some peoplethat are completely chiseled.
(23:57):
They look like they just walkstraight out of a TV ad for a
underwear brand and then you seetheir face and you're like,
what?
Yeah.
That's also interesting layertoo.
Yeah.
Because you're going reverse, soyou're seeing them naked.
And then you see how they,present themselves to the world.
Yeah.
With their dress.
And honestly, some of thosereally threw me off because I
(24:19):
was like, wow, if I saw you inthe world dress like that, I
would not be attracted to you.
Yeah.
100%.
'cause it says something aboutyour personality, it really
changed.
I was like layer upon layer uponlayer upon layer.
It really does, it changeseverything.
It changes everything.
I mean, obviously I think it's agiven mm-hmm.
Naked attraction type show,starting that way much more
(24:41):
physical and then trying tobuild from there Is more
terrifying way to try andconnect with somebody in some
ways.
Absolutely.
Because it's very vulnerable.
Like, it's like your, yourdeepest fears and dislikes about
yourself usually live in thebody.
And, that's crazy, to just likeput it all out there like that.
(25:02):
And some people like, kudos toyou, man, to have that level of
comfort, confidence, and comfortin yourself.
Maybe someday I will have that.
It's more terrifying to mebecause in Love is Blind.
There is security in the factthat they're in pods and there's
a wall between them and they canleave after the conversation.
(25:22):
Right.
Like there's, it's still veryguarded.
It's a very guarded process.
I also think too, there's alevel of comfort that exists in
Love is Blind that allows fordishonesty to be really
prevalent.
And although the other one isjarring Naked Attraction, it
doesn't allow for that to existin the first couple minutes
(25:43):
because body language is.
A primary way, how wecommunicate as human beings.
So again, how you stand is ahuge thing.
When you see somebody, how youreyes look at them.
I mean, we talk in layers,right?.
Not just with the words that wespeak.
Mm-hmm.
And I think the problematicelement, and could also be seen
as the most interesting factorof love is blind because of all
(26:07):
the los dramas, is that, youcould mislead people, you could
sell them, a good that you neverhad in stock.
You could be a fake.
Mm-hmm.
You could be a fake.
Yeah, part of our conversationwith it is like the psychology
behind it.
Do people use this idea of loveis blind or wearing rose colored
(26:28):
glasses, to cover upinsecurities?
And it, and eventually leadingpeople to settle for less than
what they know they deservebecause they're overlooking, but
they're like, oh, well it'sromanticized based on how I was
raised.
It's, this is an expectation ofme and society and I'm already
(26:51):
27 and I may never findsomebody.
Yeah, there's a, so now I'm justgonna overlook everything to
check a box.
When we think about even some ofthese contestants that go on
these shows, it's like, is itthat they're just looking for
something fun?
Is it that they're feelingreally insecure in the real
dating world.
It's like so rushed to like getmarried.
(27:12):
Or is it that they feel solonely because the world today
is full of lonely people?
In general, the amount of timeand availability that we have as
individuals, as we progress intoadulthood changes.
And I think that has a reallyhigh impact on your availability
to meet organically.
When I was in my twenties, I wasfortunate enough to be at that
(27:33):
cusp where things were juststarting to change a KAI had a
very normal at that time,adolescent to young adulthood.
So we were going out, we werehaving fun, we would meet up.
It was much easier to meetpeople organically and to kind
of meet a plethora of people.
So that you actually had anoption in terms of selections.
And you're not just dating, youknow, friends.
(27:55):
'cause that's a big no-no in mybook.
Yeah, so I think in general,because society has changed and
now the way that dating haschanged to accommodate how
society has changed, it haseliminated a lot of the,
beautiful aspects of getting toknow people.
There's a timeliness to it thatdidn't exist before.
Like a pressure.
(28:15):
Yeah.
And it makes it so almost like arevolving door.
Like they just wanna get throughit.
Show me in the next 60 secondsthat you're someone impressive
enough for me to give you a weekof my life.
Mm-hmm.
And I think that perspective andthat pressure, it takes away
from the experience of actuallygetting to know people.
(28:36):
Without an expectation thatyou're gonna get something out
of it for the first week to twoweeks.
Yeah.
You watch the shows and you'relike, man, that person has got
problems.
Or that person's toxic.
Yeah.
But it's like, there's theseparts of us that we're
responsible to work on, becauseif, if you don't feel whole, and
if you're making decisions froma place of like, oh, I'm so
(28:59):
lonely and I have to hurry up.
Find a partner so that I cancheck a box because these are
the expectations and I'm justgonna pick quickly without
giving it time, then.
That's on you.
Because you're gonna forcesomething to work and you are
gonna keep those rose coloredglasses on for a much longer
period.
(29:20):
Like this idea of your honeymoonphase with somebody Can extend
because you wanna force itSquare peg, round hole.
You're not being accountable foryour decisions and you know,
wasted energy and time.
I agree with thatwholeheartedly.
I would say to anybody dating,even people our age, older than
us.
I think, you know, depending onthe reason behind it and where
(29:42):
they are in their own self-work,it's like date yourself first.
Yeah.
Like if you're 20, in yourtwenties, if you're in your
fifties and you're trying to getout there and meet somebody, you
need to know more about who youare and what you're looking for.
And the only way you can figurethat out is to date yourself
first.
Like you need to be your firsttrue love so that then you can
(30:04):
find a partner who's not likesomeone you're trying to use to
fill a gap in your life, butthey compliment you is full and
they compliment you.
And you're, you're walking sideby side..
And you're lifting each otherup.
When you're coming from thatplace, you can find.
Beautiful relationships, and itmight be more than one.
I don't know your life, I don'tknow what you want, but you know
what I'm saying, like, you'reopen to better experiences in
(30:27):
the dating world and findinglove and finding real
connection.
Versus coming at it from thisother place of sadness.
Um, which the sadness.
I just imagine the actualemotion from that one movie.
Inside out.
Inside out yeah.
Sadness.
Come on.
Sadness.
Like, uh, nobody loves me.
Right.
(30:47):
And so now the second you getany kind of response or
someone's interested in you, youlatch on and now you've got this
like, love is blind thinghappening.
You don't wanna pick someonefrom a place of deprivation.
Yeah.
Right.
You don't wanna pick someonefrom a place where you feel
(31:07):
lack.
'cause then you really are gonnachoose, the worst case scenario
is gonna be the best casescenario for you.
Because you're gonna see it andyou're gonna go, well, I got
something there where there wasnothing.
And that feels better thannothing.
Yeah.
Because when you don't feelwhole, anyone feels like a
missing piece.
So we talked a lot about thisand I feel like we could talk
(31:30):
about this for days on end.
Because it's not a simple topic,it's very complicated.
And it also depends on theplayers, right?
Like who's involved.
But sometimes, sure, for somepeople, love can be blind.
I'm not one of them.
And hopefully eventually thelights come on, if you go in
that way and your rose coloredglasses come off.
(31:51):
But I encourage people to justgo in with your eyes wide open.
And hopefully you'll like whatyou see, or at least have enough
self-love to walk away when youdon't.
But the truth is, we all wannabe seen and loved.
That's real.
Flaws and all, just maybe notthrough a wall on a reality TV
show.
(32:11):
No shade unless it's a wall withcafecito on the other side, then
we'll think about it.
All right, everyone.
Thanks for joining us on ourfirst official episode.
If you loved it or you justwanna debate whether love is
truly blind, leave us a review,follow the pod, and share with
your favorite chismosa friend.
We'll be back next episode witheven more laughter, live talk,
and sisterly nonsense.
(32:32):
Bye bye.
Welcome to the very firstepisode of Andy and Mitch.
(00:02):
Two sisters, two generations,and way too many opinions on
love dating and reality tv.
And today we're starting strongwith a question that's both
philosophical and pop culture.
Gold is love blind.
We'll be talking about theNetflix show.
Love is Blind, but also digginginto whether real life love can
really overcome appearances, redflags, and those first date
(00:26):
icks.
And can love truly overlookflaws, or did we just rebrand
passion as toxic behavior?
Let's get into it.
The love is Blind effect.
So before we get too far intothe conversation, I guess we
should talk about like what isLove is Blind for listeners that
(00:46):
might be unfamiliar with theshow.
There's a show on Netflix.
It's in what season?
Eight.
How many seasons?
Eight seasons.
Yes.
Of the show.
And I, I think I saw the firstseason, maybe part of the second
one, and then I was over it.
But Mitch made me watch the mostrecent season, season eight.
(01:08):
Yes.
And we got into this wholeconversation about relationships
and dating in modern day.
And is love really blind?
And we had some similar and somedifferent opinions about it as
we watched the show.
And then we also watched anothershow called Naked Attraction.
(01:29):
Which, let's break it down.
The two shows are verydifferent.
They're the polar opposite ofeach other, polar opposite.
So Love is Blind is a show whereyou find a match and fall in
love And they, they basicallyhave to stay in these pods,
right.
And form an emotionalconnection, quote unquote.
And then if the connection'sstrong enough, they agree to
marry each other sight unseen.
(01:51):
They try to do everything tohelp them harness that
attraction and, and to reallyform a significant bond before
they release them back into thewild of their existing lives.
Okay.
And then they have to get to theend to decide if they actually
do want to go through with itand get married or not?
Yes.
So that is Love is blind.
If you've never seen it, it's onNetflix.
(02:13):
Knock Yourself out.
We also watched, the BritishDating Show Naked Attraction.
And she was like, I don't evenknow what that is.
I was like, you have to watchthis'cause it's the complete
opposite..
You see somebody naked firstbefore you hear their voice and
(02:34):
before you even have aconversation with them or go out
on a date with them.
The person doing the choosingnarrows it down to two people.
And then once it's down to twopeople, then they show them
their naked body.
Yes.
And then they pick one and theydecide to go on a date clothed.
I, I do wanna just also pointout that the differentiation is
(02:56):
that this is based on a socialexperiment, which is inspired by
evolutionary science where it'sbelieved that in the past,
people selected mates basedsolely on physical appearance
because the strongest wouldproduce the best warriors and et
cetera, et cetera.
And it's kind of cool'cause theydo tell you like facts about
that.
Yes.
They do talk to you about likedating facts, biological facts
(03:20):
related to how we pick mates andpartners and what traits are
most desirable versus othertraits.
And it is kind of interesting tohear that.
I was just so surprised to seeso many naked parts.
But then also it's kind of coolto watch.
It just changes the way that yousee bodies and the way that you
understand attraction it's alsokind of interesting to watch,
(03:41):
the different culturalexpectations of attraction,
right?
Because it's over the pond, sotheir expectations of physical
attraction is what I wouldperceive completely different
from here in the United States.
In watching both shows, I thinkthey're different and you kind
of have a different reaction tothem.
(04:02):
But once you get past thenakedness, you really start to
think like, oh, okay, so whichone is actually more effective?
And which way actually makesmore sense.
What surprised you most aboutwatching Naked Attraction?
'cause you were so, I was so inshock.
I was in shock, I really was, Icame outta left field with that.
Well, because I thought, okay,yeah, they, they're gonna see
(04:23):
like some part, no, they show itall full frontal, they show the
whole nine.
And I think, and that's beforethey're even allowed to speak.
So that was really shocking atfirst.
And then I quickly understoodwhat the premise was.
After watching like the firstepisode, which is two different
people going through theprocess.
You kind of get this sense oflike, oh, this is weirdly
(04:46):
revealing in a different way.
Right.
Obviously,'cause you'recompletely nude, but it's a
different form of vulnerability.
And I think that when they go onthe dates, it just changes the
game.
Mm-hmm.
There's no weird pressure like,is this person attracted to me?
Am I making the right moves?
Am I putting them off?
(05:06):
Like there's so many differentthings that go through people's
minds when they're dating.
Mm-hmm.
And this completely eliminatesthat.
So I think when they go into thedating experience, there's like
a natural flow to things Solet's go back to, love is Blind
for a moment.
Yeah.
Because this is the big one,right?
That like, everybody talks aboutit, it's been around for a
while.
It's a very popular dating show.
(05:27):
what surprised you most aboutwatching that show?
I mean, like, just think,imagine yourself meeting someone
through a wall and then decidingto marry no.
No way.
Absolutely not.
and this is not solely sayingthis from like a, a superficial
vein.
It's okay.
You can say you're superficial..
Um, it, this is not like that.
(05:49):
It's just I would never do thatbecause I think love is a combo
plate.
It's not just one thing oranother.
And certain personality traitsand characteristics and values
can make you even moreattractive in certain areas
yeah.
I think there's so manydifferent layers.
Number one, no.
I'm too old for that.
But number two, if I was in mytwenties, some of'em are late
twenties, Some of them are atlike in their late, oh, some of
(06:12):
them are.
Okay, well nevermind.
Sorry, I'm not trying to judgeyou.
You know what I'm saying?
But personally, I just, itwouldn't be for me.
I like the idea that they'retrying to get at where you wanna
get to know as much as you canabout somebody before.
without the other pressures on.
So you really get to know theperson.
But in reality, I think there'sso many layers to a relationship
(06:35):
and finding a partnership thatactually works, that it's not
just a one size fits all kind ofdeal.
You have to take into accountall of the factors.
Yeah.
That make a good relationship.
And so, no, I need to see yourcredit score, see what you look
like.
I need to know who your peopleare.
(06:55):
I need to know what kind oftrauma you're coming with with
your family.
And what they're all about.
You know what I mean?
And I need to see how you live.
You have to say, is yourmattress on the floor?
That's a thing.
Okay.
So with all of that, yeah.
Do we believe that love isactually blind?
Initially it can feel like it'sblind.
(07:17):
But if you want a long lastingrelationship that is built on
actual love, then the answer isno.
No, you're saying no I'm sayinginitially it could feel like
you're capable of falling inlove It can feel really exciting
and it's more passion driventhan it is actually love driven.
(07:38):
I think loving someone despiteX, Y, and Z.
Not loving someone because whatthey bring to the plate.
Do you get what I'm saying?
Kind of.
So my answer's no.
So the answer is no.
Let's be clear.
The millennial thinks love canbe blind, but long term you
(08:02):
gotta have your eyes wide open.
Yes.
Okay.
I don't think love is blind atall.
I, I just like, Nope, not athing.
I think if you go into arelationship believing that love
is blind you're definitelyheaded for doom and destruction
and lots of therapy.
(08:23):
'cause you're setting yourselfup for failure, and you're
probably moving through thisrelationship with false
expectations.
I can't say, yes, I'm gonnamarry someone Sight unseen.
didn't even buy a house.
sight unseen or adopt a dog, youknow what I mean?
Like, I need to see the dog.
I need to like, do we connect?
Is there an energetic bond?
Okay, I get what you're saying.
(08:43):
So some, some element ofsuperficiality exists in
everyone, is what you're saying?
Yeah, of course.
Okay, cool.
I think negative attraction,prove that.
Right?
It's evolution.
I think both can exist, but itdepends on how, oh man, I was
about to say delusional, but Ididn't where they overtly
romanticize things?
Yeah.
In a romanticized world.
(09:03):
Yeah.
In idealism.
Mm-hmm.
It can exist.
In actuality when you, when thecards are on the table and
you're playing your hand, itdoesn't always work out.
Now, I'm not gonna say itdoesn't work out for everybody
cause that's a pretty jaded wayto look at things.
And I also think there are somelucky individuals who truly
believe that love is blind, andthat's how their story worked
(09:26):
out, and it's really beautifulbut that's not the majority.
I also think about love isblind.
If we go deeper with it.
Maybe you meet someone inperson.
Yeah.
But is love blind in the sensethat you're willing to overlook
red flags because you're reallyinto them.
Yeah.
Like, have you ever done that?
(09:46):
Have you ever overlookedsomebody's red flags?
I laugh because, is this even aquestion?
Like, who hasn't?
Right?
Like, raise your hand if youhaven't.
I didn't even just overlookthem.
I held the flags for them.
You decorated the flags.
No, for real.
Yeah.
And I agree.
I think that some of those oldadages, like love is blind, it's
very easy to confuse theidealism behind love is blind as
(10:12):
just don't notice their flaws.
Because if you do, you're gonnabe an inconvenience or you're
gonna make it uncomfortable or,you are going to accept, less
than in the pursuit of love.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I think when you're young too.
Which also, it's kind ofsurprising that some of these
contestants are older that go onthese shows, because I think
when you're young, when you'rein your twenties, the idea of
(10:35):
like what attraction is, looksdifferent than when you're in
your thirties, forties plus,right?
Because when you're young, youjust don't really know who you
are, fully what you want and,and I'll say even older, right?
Like some of us are still myselfincluded, figuring out like, who
are we?
Who am I?
What do I want?
In life now as a woman in herforties, but I can look back at
(10:59):
my 20-year-old self and look atwhat was I attracted to then.
And mind you, I'm taken.
I've been in a relationship for24 years.
Love you, boo.
I wanna just add something inthere really quickly, is that
these shows, although they'revery, very like elaborate
versions of, they arereminiscent of today's modern
(11:20):
dating world.
Like the concept that love isblind, feels so far fetched, but
in reality, that's how peopleare meeting via apps.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, yeah, you are seeingthem, but you're seeing visual
representations of them that mayor may not be skewed.
May or may not be actual.
So many of my friends tell methat they match with somebody,
the moment where he shows up andthen they're like, well my God,
(11:40):
this is all a lie.
True.
Because technology plays a bigpart in it.
Like I was talking to some of myyounger colleagues.
And they asked me like, how didI meet my partner?
And I'm like, listen, I'm old.
We didn't have all this stuff.
We met at a doctor's office inreal life.
Yeah.
And in real life, like most ofthe people I dated when I was
(12:00):
younger, I met through somebodyor just doing normal everyday
things.
I think that's the beauty ofbeing millennials.
So you entered into the datingworld with that.
But you also had MySpace andFacebook happening at the same
time, so you were also able toreach people in Ireland, you
know?
Right.
And you weren't expanded thedating pool but it also expanded
(12:23):
the expectations.
I'm gonna throw another show inthe mix.
I really like, I was watchingwith mom.
The Muslim matchmaker.
Of those two ladies, they'reamazing and really fun to watch.
They're so funny.
But I like their approach too,because they're all about
in-person, right?
Mm-hmm.
So they're connecting peoplebased on common interests and
what they think they're lookingfor.
But they give them a script.
(12:44):
So they have to have so manynumber of dates before they
decide that the person is not agood match for them.
Because I think they're reallytouching on this idea that you
have to push past thesuperficial stuff that people
put out to get to know someoneon this deeper level, which
takes time.
And then they give them like allof these questions that are
(13:05):
pretty deep, pretty fast, sothat you can get to know if
there's a real connection there.
Either way, because I think youcould look at someone and say
they're kind of cool, but maybeI'm not as physically attracted
to them.
But then you go through thisprocess and get to know the
deeper part, and that attractioncan grow.
Or you see someone and you'relike, man, you're super fine,
you know, you're really hot.
(13:26):
Like, I don't even care how youkeep your sock drawer.
But I was, wait, but then youtalked to, to them and you're
like, no, not so much.
Yeah.
But when they're really hot likethat, like let's be real, like
how many of us actually keep ittogether?
That's the part that's kind offunny to me is that like, yeah,
I mean, some people do keep ittogether.
They're super smooth and they'rehighly confident people.
(13:48):
They're just out there like init to win it.
They're just constantly dunking.
I'm gonna keep using metaphorsthat make no sense to most of
you.
Um, welcome to your thirties.
Let's get more into thepsychology behind this.
I think we mentioned earlierthat like, can love make us
overlook flaws when we thinkabout rose colored glasses?
I've excused so many things.
(14:11):
Just so many things.
I think the rose colored glassesto me.
I know, I can see the flag, Ican see the flaw, I can see the,
the, the characteristic thatmaybe I'm not really connecting
that well to, and I'm very awareof it, but because of other
(14:33):
factors I'm choosing to kind oflike, oh, I'm just gonna put a
pin in that.
The perks outweigh the theflaws.
I dunno if that's love though.
That's the thing.
It's not love.
Yeah.
I think that's likesubstitution, that's just dub a
new word in there.
Uh, that's, it's a substitute,like a substitute teacher.
Like they're okay.
(14:53):
They're not it.
I think that's the other thingthat gets me too, especially in
all these conversations andwatching these shows is
everybody's talking about love,love, love.
But I'm like, is it love though?
Like.
Maybe one or two people.
I could see were showing signsof actual love for each other,
but most of it was justattraction, connection.
(15:13):
There's just like this energybetween people.
Yes.
To go back to what I said aboutthe dating apps and the way that
modern society kind of looks atestablishing connection, how
it's kind of like an Amazon shopmm-hmm.
Today's dating pool and theseyounger generations have told me
that you can't just go up tosomebody at the supermarket and
(15:36):
talk to them because then you'regonna be considered a
psychopath.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
Not even, not even in a meanway.
When people stop me and they'relike, I totally know you from X,
Y, and z, I instantly just ah,and my body has a reaction, I'm
in danger.
You know?
I'm not in danger at all.
They're just, Hey, it's you.
(15:56):
You know, proceeds to run out ofthe store without your basket.
That is just a biologicalreaction that happens now.
Yeah.
We're very instilled to havefear instead of, this natural,
oh, let's have a conversationand talk and I will say this as
a woman, I don't think it's thesame for men.
I might be wrong.
Anxiety is, is.
Reaching all of us at thispoint.
(16:18):
Yeah.
I mean obviously we're givingour perspectives from our side.
Yeah.
We can only speak to ourexperiences.
Very true.
So that leads us to our nextquestion.
What's the societal influence?
Do societal expectations make usblind to reality in
relationships?
What do you think?
I mean, I think we're raised onrom-coms, and of course we think
(16:41):
love should be dramatic.
Yeah.
And there's also this soldconcept that we should win over
the emotionally unavailable thatshould be the goal.
As you're talking about this,I'm thinking about that movie.
He's just not that into you.
Yes.
And they talk about how, causeshe's.
The, the main character, I don'tknow what her name is, but she's
(17:02):
trying to date and get out thereand meet someone.
And so she, but she's kind of alittle needy about it.
So she gets really into the realestate agent who's into the
other character.
that Gigi Phillips.
Yes.
Yeah.
Gigi.
And then, um, the real estateagent's really into this other
girl who's beautiful, but she'sreally into this other guy who's
(17:23):
totally unavailable and married.
And it talks about like thecomplexities in that and how.
We believe these stories thatwe're told about how, you know,
love is so romantic and itdoesn't matter and it will test
you.
And, if he mistreats you, it's'cause he likes you.
It's because he likes you.
Like if you're a little kid andthe person you like pushes you
(17:45):
at the playground that meansthey like you.
Like it's already ingrained inyour head, very early on.
And that also, if it's meant tobe, it will happen.
You know, all the bullshit thatwe're told.
You know, I, wait, can I, can Ijust make a note?
I think it's really funny thatyou are like, so like no love,
love is not blind and that'sbullshit.
(18:07):
But you had the most meet cute.
I did.
Yeah.
But I still agreed.
Listen, I met my love and it wasnot blind.
It was not blind.
It was not blind.
I also wanna say in watchingNaked Attraction, one of the
things that I noticed was that,again, from a solely.
Superficial standpoint, if youwere to pick out the best quote
(18:30):
unquote looking people, youwould be surprised at the level
of chemistry that exists withinthe act of attraction in
general.
Like good looking person withgood looking person.
Not always.
Sometimes you think that they'regonna go fully superficial.
Like there was this one guy onnegative attraction, very good
looking guy, and when he waspicking between the two women
(18:51):
that he was at the very endwith, they were completely
opposite of one opposite.
Yeah.
And he was talking about why hewas potentially gonna choose one
or the other.
And one of the things he saidwas, I also hate my calves.
And she said she hates hercalves too.
So it was this reallyinteresting thing he found the
beauty in the thing that he alsodisliked about himself in her.
(19:13):
Well, when I think aboutsuperficiality, it's like very
narrow minded.
It's like the concept of Theywant women that look like
they're from magazines.
But in reality I was like, oh,this is kind of interesting.
It's an interesting concept of,physical attraction because the
way that we see other people isoftentimes, the way that we also
view parts of ourselves.
(19:33):
He connected with that.
That they had something incommon..
He felt very vulnerable about..
She also shared the samevulnerability, so there was a
spark, right?
Yeah.
There with that connection thatmaybe he felt he couldn't maybe
connect on a deeper level to theother one because he didn't find
a, spark of vulnerability there.
She was a model..
(19:54):
But does that make it more realthen, if, if you're going that
way, if you're starting purelyphysical, like naked attraction
does that make the datingprocess and finding love in a
connection more real than goingthe other way?
In Love is blind, okay, so thisis gonna be the controversial
(20:16):
bit I think that a lot of timessuperficiality gets a bad rap,
and to be fair, it is prettyugly what lives within the realm
of superficiality and how peopleuse the term, right?
And use the understanding of thedefinition.
I wanna say that.
(20:38):
From what I've seen in these twoshows, three shows since we're
talking about the lovelymatchmakers mm-hmm.
Who are fantastic.
And if you never checked outthat show, you should definitely
check out that show because theymake really good points about
connection.
And how to build lastingrelationships with people.
Based on all the informationthat I've acquired from watching
these shows and from myeducational background there's
an element of truth in thesuperficial component that is
(21:04):
required to exist in arelational bond.
Okay?
And it doesn't always mean thatthe person is superficial, but
it does mean that there is atrue connection that they are
finding within the person'sphysical body.
(21:27):
Mm-hmm.
It doesn't mean that they looklike a model.
Mm-hmm.
Right.
It just means that something inthe way that they present
themselves is incrediblyphysically attractive, and so
therefore there's a little bitmore of a foundation for an
honest component to thepotential of it becoming a real
relationship.
Mm-hmm.
(21:48):
Can you get that from anInstagram picture?
Can you get that from a datingapp picture?
No.
Yeah.
No.
I mean, it's real if you'renaked.
Yeah.
You've never met these peoplebefore.
Yeah.
The other element of naked, uh,naked and afraid different shows
attraction.
Element of Naked and Afraidexists in Naked attraction for
sure.
I think, in negative attraction.
(22:08):
The other element is that theyare in person.
So they're naked and they're inperson.
And you can see them you're likesharing the same energetic space
with them.
And so while there is thisreally cool element of love is
blind, where it's kind ofemotional vulnerability, uh,
cloak one might say, um, becauseit removes the pressures of the
(22:29):
physical attraction.
I think the only thing that itreally does allow for is
open-mindedness, right?
Because you're not gonnacompletely ignore the fact that
you could potentially build arelationship with someone based
on the fact that they're fivefour, right?
Yes.
So I think that's the one thingthat love is blind adds.
But also negative attraction hasit as well, because, oh, this is
(22:50):
the, the kicker, they revealparts of their body in segments.
Mm-hmm.
So the first part that you seeis their feet, their calves,
their genitals, and then it goesup to their stomach and their
shoulders, which, let me justsay shoulder game.
Real thing.
Real thing.
Real thing.
More important than some of theother features.
Like way more important thansome features changes the whole
(23:14):
landscape.
Okay.
You thought you were inAntartica, you're in Arizona.
It's like desert.
Like it also, interestinglyenough, when you see the
shoulders, it projects a certainlevel of confidence that the
rest of the body doesn't, andyou can see the, yeah.
That the rest of the bodydoesn't.
Because of the way that they'restanding.
So they're reading the bodylanguage of somebody.
Crazy.
(23:34):
And it did change'cause changeseverything.
Some of the people who maybewould be considered
stereotypically more attractivethat didn't have a good shoulder
layout or posture dance orposture kind of fell down the
list very quickly.
You quickly opposed like to someof the other ones who carried
themselves with more confidence.
And then there's some peoplethat are completely chiseled.
(23:57):
They look like they just walkstraight out of a TV ad for a
underwear brand and then you seetheir face and you're like,
what?
Yeah.
That's also interesting layertoo.
Yeah.
Because you're going reverse, soyou're seeing them naked.
And then you see how they,present themselves to the world.
Yeah.
With their dress.
And honestly, some of thosereally threw me off because I
(24:19):
was like, wow, if I saw you inthe world dress like that, I
would not be attracted to you.
Yeah.
100%.
'cause it says something aboutyour personality, it really
changed.
I was like layer upon layer uponlayer upon layer.
It really does, it changeseverything.
It changes everything.
I mean, obviously I think it's agiven mm-hmm.
Naked attraction type show,starting that way much more
(24:41):
physical and then trying tobuild from there Is more
terrifying way to try andconnect with somebody in some
ways.
Absolutely.
Because it's very vulnerable.
Like, it's like your, yourdeepest fears and dislikes about
yourself usually live in thebody.
And, that's crazy, to just likeput it all out there like that.
(25:02):
And some people like, kudos toyou, man, to have that level of
comfort, confidence, and comfortin yourself.
Maybe someday I will have that.
It's more terrifying to mebecause in Love is Blind.
There is security in the factthat they're in pods and there's
a wall between them and they canleave after the conversation.
(25:22):
Right.
Like there's, it's still veryguarded.
It's a very guarded process.
I also think too, there's alevel of comfort that exists in
Love is Blind that allows fordishonesty to be really
prevalent.
And although the other one isjarring Naked Attraction, it
doesn't allow for that to existin the first couple minutes
(25:43):
because body language is.
A primary way, how wecommunicate as human beings.
So again, how you stand is ahuge thing.
When you see somebody, how youreyes look at them.
I mean, we talk in layers,right?.
Not just with the words that wespeak.
Mm-hmm.
And I think the problematicelement, and could also be seen
as the most interesting factorof love is blind because of all
(26:07):
the los dramas, is that, youcould mislead people, you could
sell them, a good that you neverhad in stock.
You could be a fake.
Mm-hmm.
You could be a fake.
Yeah, part of our conversationwith it is like the psychology
behind it.
Do people use this idea of loveis blind or wearing rose colored
(26:28):
glasses, to cover upinsecurities?
And it, and eventually leadingpeople to settle for less than
what they know they deservebecause they're overlooking, but
they're like, oh, well it'sromanticized based on how I was
raised.
It's, this is an expectation ofme and society and I'm already
(26:51):
27 and I may never findsomebody.
Yeah, there's a, so now I'm justgonna overlook everything to
check a box.
When we think about even some ofthese contestants that go on
these shows, it's like, is itthat they're just looking for
something fun?
Is it that they're feelingreally insecure in the real
dating world.
It's like so rushed to like getmarried.
(27:12):
Or is it that they feel solonely because the world today
is full of lonely people?
In general, the amount of timeand availability that we have as
individuals, as we progress intoadulthood changes.
And I think that has a reallyhigh impact on your availability
to meet organically.
When I was in my twenties, I wasfortunate enough to be at that
(27:33):
cusp where things were juststarting to change a KAI had a
very normal at that time,adolescent to young adulthood.
So we were going out, we werehaving fun, we would meet up.
It was much easier to meetpeople organically and to kind
of meet a plethora of people.
So that you actually had anoption in terms of selections.
And you're not just dating, youknow, friends.
(27:55):
'cause that's a big no-no in mybook.
Yeah, so I think in general,because society has changed and
now the way that dating haschanged to accommodate how
society has changed, it haseliminated a lot of the,
beautiful aspects of getting toknow people.
There's a timeliness to it thatdidn't exist before.
Like a pressure.
(28:15):
Yeah.
And it makes it so almost like arevolving door.
Like they just wanna get throughit.
Show me in the next 60 secondsthat you're someone impressive
enough for me to give you a weekof my life.
Mm-hmm.
And I think that perspective andthat pressure, it takes away
from the experience of actuallygetting to know people.
(28:36):
Without an expectation thatyou're gonna get something out
of it for the first week to twoweeks.
Yeah.
You watch the shows and you'relike, man, that person has got
problems.
Or that person's toxic.
Yeah.
But it's like, there's theseparts of us that we're
responsible to work on, becauseif, if you don't feel whole, and
if you're making decisions froma place of like, oh, I'm so
(28:59):
lonely and I have to hurry up.
Find a partner so that I cancheck a box because these are
the expectations and I'm justgonna pick quickly without
giving it time, then.
That's on you.
Because you're gonna forcesomething to work and you are
gonna keep those rose coloredglasses on for a much longer
period.
(29:20):
Like this idea of your honeymoonphase with somebody Can extend
because you wanna force itSquare peg, round hole.
You're not being accountable foryour decisions and you know,
wasted energy and time.
I agree with thatwholeheartedly.
I would say to anybody dating,even people our age, older than
us.
I think, you know, depending onthe reason behind it and where
(29:42):
they are in their own self-work,it's like date yourself first.
Yeah.
Like if you're 20, in yourtwenties, if you're in your
fifties and you're trying to getout there and meet somebody, you
need to know more about who youare and what you're looking for.
And the only way you can figurethat out is to date yourself
first.
Like you need to be your firsttrue love so that then you can
(30:04):
find a partner who's not likesomeone you're trying to use to
fill a gap in your life, butthey compliment you is full and
they compliment you.
And you're, you're walking sideby side..
And you're lifting each otherup.
When you're coming from thatplace, you can find.
Beautiful relationships, and itmight be more than one.
I don't know your life, I don'tknow what you want, but you know
what I'm saying, like, you'reopen to better experiences in
(30:27):
the dating world and findinglove and finding real
connection.
Versus coming at it from thisother place of sadness.
Um, which the sadness.
I just imagine the actualemotion from that one movie.
Inside out.
Inside out yeah.
Sadness.
Come on.
Sadness.
Like, uh, nobody loves me.
Right.
(30:47):
And so now the second you getany kind of response or
someone's interested in you, youlatch on and now you've got this
like, love is blind thinghappening.
You don't wanna pick someonefrom a place of deprivation.
Yeah.
Right.
You don't wanna pick someonefrom a place where you feel
(31:07):
lack.
'cause then you really are gonnachoose, the worst case scenario
is gonna be the best casescenario for you.
Because you're gonna see it andyou're gonna go, well, I got
something there where there wasnothing.
And that feels better thannothing.
Yeah.
Because when you don't feelwhole, anyone feels like a
missing piece.
So we talked a lot about thisand I feel like we could talk
(31:30):
about this for days on end.
Because it's not a simple topic,it's very complicated.
And it also depends on theplayers, right?
Like who's involved.
But sometimes, sure, for somepeople, love can be blind.
I'm not one of them.
And hopefully eventually thelights come on, if you go in
that way and your rose coloredglasses come off.
(31:51):
But I encourage people to justgo in with your eyes wide open.
And hopefully you'll like whatyou see, or at least have enough
self-love to walk away when youdon't.
But the truth is, we all wannabe seen and loved.
That's real.
Flaws and all, just maybe notthrough a wall on a reality TV
show.
(32:11):
No shade unless it's a wall withcafecito on the other side, then
we'll think about it.
All right, everyone.
Thanks for joining us on ourfirst official episode.
If you loved it or you justwanna debate whether love is
truly blind, leave us a review,follow the pod, and share with
your favorite chismosa friend.
We'll be back next episode witheven more laughter, live talk,
and sisterly nonsense.
(32:32):
Bye bye.
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