April 24, 2025 • 40 mins
Remember when we thought 25 was grown? If only we knew then what we know now! On this episode we reflect back on our younger years, the mistakes we made, the lessons we've learned, and some things we've unlearned along the way. Listen in for some relatable stories and lots of laughs. I mean we were just babies then and had no idea what we were doing! But, that version of us got us to where we are today and we are showing her some love!
Wisdom, laughs, and lessons from two women who’ve lived a little—and then some
Two Sisters. Two Generations. Lots of Laughs.
If you liked this episode please like and follow our podcast, leave us a comment, and share it with a friend. Your support helps us to keep the conversations going. <3
-Andi and Mich
The Andi and Mich Podcast: Two Sisters, Two Generations, Unique Perspectives, Lots of Laughs
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to Andy and Mitch.
Okay.
Can we just start by saying,remember when we thought 25 was
grown, like full-blown adultmortgage ready, emotionally
stable, living in a Pottery Barncatalog or something?
I thought I was supposed to havea husband, a house, a five year
plan, and a skin routine.
(00:20):
Plot twist.
We were adorable and delusional.
So whether you're 25 now or justremember her fondly.
This one's for all of us tryingto figure it out.
Let's get into it.
All right, so I used to believethat 25 was my figure it all out
deadline.
For a long time I was scared tochange directions.
(00:40):
I stayed in jobs for many years,in friendships for even longer.
I do wish someone had told meit's normal to pivot.
You're not failing, you're justadjusting and life isn't a
straight road.
It's a roundabout with all kindsof confusing signage.
I used to think that quittingmeant you were a quitter.
(01:01):
That if you had a plan, you weresupposed to stick to it but no,
what I learned is sometimesquitting is winning.
As we dive in, I want us tolike, let's root and connect to
that 25-year-old version ofourselves.
If your 25-year-old, you, had atheme song, what do you think it
would be?
Portisheads, Roads, one of themost deep songs still to this
(01:26):
day, I still jam to it.
What was your 25-year-old vibe?
my vibe when I was 25 was verylost.
I think my hair looked lost, myface looked lost.
Everything.
How does your hair look lost.
That was the era of like screamrock, indie rock, it being
really prevalent during thattimeframe.
(01:47):
I very much was going to thosekind of shows and concerts, lots
of side bangs, and I thought Iwas super chill for the most
part when I was 25.
I maybe was a littlepretentious, really into
photography and was heartbrokenwhen I was 25, experience, a
heartache at that age.
25, so lots of advice that youcan probably give to that.
(02:09):
Here we go, guys, 25-year-oldversion of yourself.
How about you?
Oh my gosh, at 25, my vibe wasvery similar to my current vibe,
so I don't know how much I'veevolved in life, I really
musically loved neo soul musicand I still do.
It's part of my essence core,Erica Badu and Jill Scott.
We used to go to concerts allthe time, like small scale
(02:31):
concerts, like House of Blues.
Yeah.
I used to love seeing showsthere'cause it was really small
My dress was very nineties, butcute and comfy.
I was freaking adorable then, Ihad actual fire, red hair.
I was also trying to figure outwhat are those long-term
deadlines and check marks.
(02:53):
That I need in life to have acareer to, I was trying to get
more serious about those thingsat that time.
I definitely did not have allthe answers or any answers, but
that's also my personality.
I'm kinda a little flighty likethat.
I always wanna do like a hundreddifferent things.
So I think I was trying tofigure out how to focus on
something.
(03:13):
What were you working as, whatrole did you have, if you don't
mind me asking?
When I was 25.
I was in school still, so I wastrying to finish school.
I also was working for a smallprivately owned boutique because
the hours were really flexibleand they used to pay me a lot of
money to work there.
That's right.
And I could go to school andhad, take all the classes.
So it's kinda like an upscale,private boutique that paid
(03:34):
ridiculously well.
And we were a very small team,but it was easy to work there
'cause all of us we were allstill trying to figure it out.
We were all various ages oftwenties, all women, a whole
women team.
It was a woman-owned company.
What about you?
At 25 I had the coolest job, Iwent to like a placement agency
and they ended up placing me ina really cool editorial job.
I became a content manager,around the time that apps, had
(03:57):
taken over the marketplace.
I did a lot of editing for majormagazines and it was just really
rad.
They really wanted to be Google.
We had a old retro van, we hadraces in the office, we had a
ping pong table, some gamingstations, unlimited snacks and
food.
It was pretty cool.
To go from that to a real jobwas a, that company ended up
(04:20):
going under, and I was one ofthe last four people to leave, I
sank with that Titanic.
I was Jack, you were hanging onto the side of the board and
someone kicked you off.
I just slowly drifted into theocean.
since we're connecting with our,younger versions what do you
think is the funniestmisconception you had about
adulthood at that age?
Oh, that I would be married andI'd have a house.
(04:43):
There's this really weird stigmathat's passed down and I see it
now amongst the youngsters.
Mm-hmm.
And they're like, I'm getting soold, like it's a panic.
Yeah.
I think a funny misconceptionthat a lot of people have is
that at 25 or somewhere around,we think we're grown.
Like we think we know everythingthere is to know.
(05:03):
And we don't, we know nothingand we're still figuring it out.
Yeah.
And also like, I think I thoughtat that age, like that was the
peak coolness.
I wasn't gonna be any coolerthan I was at 25.
And I wanna take that backbecause I do think we have
become cooler with age forreasons that we didn't even
(05:26):
realize.
I agree with that.
I didn't think that I was gonnabecome cooler 25'cause I've
never been cool.
Yeah.
That's something cool peoplesay.
That's what my old colleagueused to tell me all the time.
That's something a cool personwould say.
I wasn't cool.
I just used to hang out witheverybody, make friends with
everybody, you know, a floater.
And I was like, no, whatever.
You're Switzerland, you're justplaying with the hacky sack on
(05:48):
the side.
You get along with everybody.
Yeah.
'cause the cool person's kind ofindifferent and they're too cool
to care, you know?
I guess so.
So what belief about success oradulthood did you hold tightly
back then?
There are certain things youhave to accomplish in order to
be considered successful inlife.
You have to get the rightrelationship.
You have to start the family,you have to get the good paying
(06:09):
job.
You have to buy a house, buy acar, which essentially get in
debt.
Isn't that crazy?
Society, we really missed themark there because there were so
many things that I really couldhave benefited from, like real
financial advice and how toinvest and how to define what
makes you happy in life and allof this other stuff.
(06:31):
I didn't know anythingdifferent, so I just thought.
Okay, well I'm just gonna do thethings that are on the list
because that's what you'resupposed to do.
When did you first realize thatwhat you commonly expect at the
age of 25 isn't all it's crackedup to be.
I mean, 40.
I think that's a big lessonthat's very complicated and
(06:52):
nuanced.
I was learning it, not knowing Iwas learning it, and then when
pandemic hit, it became veryclear in my head, like, oh yeah,
I need to let go of this, andI've been holding onto it.
Like, I went to grad school,worked my ass off, but I didn't
pursue that as a careerfull-time.
Yeah.
And everybody's opinions, wereweighing heavy on me that I kept
(07:16):
following the narrative, like,oh yeah, I'll go back to it.
When I knew in my mind, I hadalready made a decision for
myself that I wanted to dosomething different and pivot.
But because I think I was soconcerned about what other
people would think and whattheir opinions were, that they
were very happily sharing withme, even though I didn't ask for
them.
That was just kind of takingover.
(07:37):
And then when pandemic hit,because we had so much time to
ourselves, I had a lot ofclarity of Actually no, I need
to grieve this and let it go.
I'm not going back.
And I was finally able to saythat and believe that with
confidence that this whole ideathat I have to have everything
figured out, and once I do that,I have to follow the path, as
(07:59):
it's been laid out to me, thatshattered completely.
There's a double side to thatcoin with education particularly
if you feel that you didn't meetthe marker by a certain
timeframe, you're terrified totry to meet the marker later in
life.
And it will actually deter a lotof people from trying to go back
and find alternative pathways tofinish education, in the line of
(08:22):
interest that they have later inlife.
Right.
Yeah.
It's not always gonna be thesame.
It's kind of ridiculous toassume that what you like when
you're 18, that you're gonnalove when you're 40.
And you don't, I mean, those arelessons I try to impart on
younger people.
My child included is like, youcan have many iterations of a
career.
And they can look different fromeach other throughout your
(08:43):
lifetime but we were raised byboomers.
And so, for them, theirgeneration was, you go to
school, you find a partner, youget married, you have a family,
you have a good job and then youstay at that job for 50 years,
until you retire with Allstate.
You collect your retirementbenefits and then you live out
the rest of your life inretirement.
(09:04):
That is no longer reality.
And I think it hasn't beenreality for quite some time, but
I think that narrative stillexists, that influences how we
think about our lifetrajectories.
That's why so many people arefeeling like they're in crisis
As early as 25 for sureeverything that they told me
that is supposed to be mybenchmark isn't even attainable.
(09:26):
Like buying a house, it's likefeels impossible right now.
And there's a lot of people thatland the job and land the
partner and land the stuff andthen they get to that crossroads
where they're like, wait aminute, I still can't check
these boxes off, but I dideverything right.
Yeah.
And then there's people that arelike, well, I can't check them
off'cause I didn't do everythingright.
And so I don't even think I havean opportunity to fix it or find
(09:48):
an alternative pathway.
Yeah.
It's, it's definitely kind ofheavy when you think about it
that way.
But looking back, what advicewould you give your younger self
about making decisions andtrusting the unknown?
Learn to hear your own intuitionearly.
Listen to yourself.
You gotta drown out the noise.
Because nobody knows what's bestfor you, the same way that you
(10:10):
know what's best for you.
What about you?
I like what you said abouttrusting your inner knowing.
I think for me, I would want toencourage, develop a
relationship with failure andfear.
That's a good one, to not be sodeterred by fear and also to
reframe your failures.
Both of those lead to this ideaof like, you have to learn how
(10:33):
to trust yourself.
You know, you have to trustyourself in your successes, in
the decisions that you make, butyou also have to trust yourself
enough to know that when youfail, you're gonna be okay.
You've survived a hundredpercent of your worst day so
far, every day that you wake up.
So technically you're batting ahundred even when you think
you're not.
Did you have a that turned outto be the best thing for you?
I'm currently in a pivot thatfelt scary, but has turned out
(10:56):
to be a really good thing forme.
People don't talk about thatpart.
They're like, it's the bestthing for you, it's like, yeah
but it's scary the whole waythrough.
And this comes from a place ofus growing up, when you come
from instability and you finallyget stability and financial
security, it gets really tricky.
And like it's become a big thingin my life and I've always
prided myself on being able totake care of myself and not have
(11:20):
to rely on others.
And so on one hand I am.
In a place where I've never feltmore myself, I feel really proud
of the person that I am.
I have been applying veryselectively to different
opportunities because my bigleap was to leave my last
position.
And it's not that it was theworst position.
I actually got along with mostpeople, I did a great job, I had
(11:43):
a good setup to be there for awhile.
And so it was really scary to meto come to terms with the fact
that I still wasn't happy, thatI didn't feel like I could be
myself in those spaces.
it started to really take a tollon me Did you feel like the
pressures of timelines, such asthe ones that maybe you were
carrying forward with you fromyour twenties into your
(12:05):
thirties, that some of thosetimeline pressures were part of
the reason that you stayed aslong as you did?
So there's this interestingrealization that happened about
a year prior to me actuallymaking the move of leaving, I
started seeing myself becomevery rigid I was like, this
feels foreign, I don't like theway, this feels.
I normally wouldn't get agitatedabout these little things.
I chose to go to therapy andwith my trustee therapist, you
(12:27):
help me navigate these emotionsand we realize, well, the thing
is you're digging your heelsinto a situation that no longer
serves you.
Into an environment that nolonger help you grow because
you've exhausted all of theopportunities for growth here.
So it's time for you to move.
But the question is, are yougonna let your fear stop you
from moving?
When I first took the leap, Islept for a week straight.
(12:48):
And I was like, I'm depressed, Imade the wrong decision.
And then I realized, no, you'renot depressed.
I started coming back to myself.
I started listening to music,singing while I'm washing
dishes, working out withfriends, making better decisions
for myself.
I started realizing you'reexactly where you're supposed to
be.
Now what are you gonna do next?
Do you think you would've madethe same decisions at the
(13:09):
25-year-old version of yourself?
No, I wasn't ready for it, at25, I had different values than
I do now.
And so I valued myself way lessat 25.
And I valued objectives, andother people, I would place
other people a lot higher than Iranked myself and now I have
this really unconditional lovefor myself.
(13:30):
So I am hard on myself aboutsome things, but I am really
quick to intervene and shut itdown.
a lot of times there's thismisconception that you're gonna
heal and it's just a bandaid andeverything's fixed.
If you sign up for the healingjourney.
Yeah.
You're on it for the long haul.
And healing to me has becomethis everyday decision to just
not hurt myself.
(13:51):
Mm-hmm.
And, sometimes that is verychallenging'cause a lot of the
coping mechanisms that we learn,especially when we're living
through chaos, they're notalways the best.
I love a good cookie platter,when I'm down and out, is it
good for my body?
No.
Mm-hmm.
My pancreas is like, what thehell are you doing?
And I'm like, just chill, I gotit under control.
(14:13):
With that being said, it's timeto discuss relationships.
What were we doing at 25?
In relationships?
I was highly committed to thewrong person.
I was not only highly committedto the wrong person, I also was
like helping them achieve theirgoals, putting my goals on the
back burner This part I think ismaybe more for the I can fix
him, girlies.
Did somebody say my name?
(14:35):
You know this idea like, youneed to stop thinking you can
turn a red flag into a throwpillow'cause you can't and you
cannot redecorate arounddysfunction.
I bought them new furniture andI paid for their studio.
I did a lot of things that Ithought you were supposed to do
as a partner.
And I should have been puttingit in a 401k.
Now I look back on it and I'mlike, it's because I came from
(14:58):
this very traditional beliefsystem, behind the role of a
woman, and I didn't even realizeit.
I was so obsessed with beingchosen when I was, in my
twenties that I forgot to choosemyself.
And honestly, falling in lovewith you first, is your top
priority.
Yeah.
Get to know your quirks, yourrhythms, and your joy.
(15:19):
What about you, what were youdoing?
At the age of 25, I was working,I was going to school.
I was learning how to be in a,healthy relationship and what
that meant.
And also, learning how to own myown in that relationship.
Get to define my role and notlet other people define that for
(15:42):
me or the stereotypes of what itmeans to be in a relationship,
especially as Latinos.
And I had a saying, I'm not yourmother and I'm not your maid.
That's a good sign.
Right?
Like, I'm not your mama.
I'm not your maid.
I'm your partner.
And we need to learn how to dolife together and grow together
and better ourselves.
(16:02):
Because, you know, there's a lotof things I'd like to be able to
accomplish in life and so I wasdoing a lot of that.
And it was early on'cause earlyyears in any relationship, it's
not always smooth sailing.
I think the honeymoon periodfades very quickly.
And then reality kicks in andit's like, okay, I gotta figure
out how to do life with thisperson and figure out how to do
(16:26):
it in a way that I don't losemyself in the relationship and
they don't lose themselves inthe relationship.
Yeah.
But that we continue to grow andevolve together.
So, outta curiosity, what kindof relationships were you drawn
to The kind of relationships Iwas drawn to in my early
twenties.
Initially were just young andfun, I just wanted to have fun.
(16:47):
I wasn't interested in settlingdown or getting too serious, I
didn't wanna be tied down, youknow, this free spirit had a
roam.
And then when I met my nowpartner, that felt like it
deserved more tenderness andattention.
So then it shifted my interestsin relationships then became
(17:09):
looking for something moremature.
Looking for people that weremore respectful because in my, I
just wanna have fun.
You're also then picking peoplewho also just wanna have fun.
And you start to realize like,they don't treat you so well.
When the tequila buzz wears off,the relationship is over.
Yeah.
I think for me it was completeopposite, I was in serious
(17:32):
relationships period.
The first relationship I had waslike, if I was having a really
fun time, but just with oneperson.
He was just the life of theparty, he wanted a party, that
was it and we were also kids.
Yeah.
No negative feelings toward himwhatsoever.
And then I dated a little bit.
And then I was in anotherlong-term relationship and that
one was a trap.
(17:52):
I tried to actually just datehim.
It's a trap.
Okay, I'm just gonna share this,I guess.
I tried to just have a one nightstand.
Okay.
Uhhuh.
And then he asked me to be hisgirlfriend in the middle of the
one night stand.
Oh.
That's a major red flag, andthat's a major red flag that you
ignored.
(18:13):
And I remember going to work andI had talked to this colleague
of mine and I told him I did it.
I had a one night stand for thefirst time in my life and I was
so proud.
Probably not what parents wannabe hearing right.
I think it's okay for women toown that and feel empowered with
their own sexuality to say, Idon't need to be committed just
because I'm a woman.
I can go have fun too andexplore life.
(18:34):
Yeah.
And I was so proud.
I was like, I did it.
I told my colleague, he waslike, congratulations, we high
fived on it.
I'm a little nerd, clearly.
And then, then he tells me, sowhat happened?
And then I told him, and then hewent, what the are you in a
relationship?
And I went, he's like, fail.
Yeah.
And then I went, okay, listen,I'm gonna break up with him a
(18:54):
week it'll be fine.
That's not how a one nightstands are supposed to work.
Fast forward to a year and ahalf later, we finally split.
But I think our relationship wasactually very sweet until it
wasn't.
They're always sweet until that,Yeah, he was a musician.
Another major red flag, youignored.
No musicians, get a bad rap.
(19:14):
Not one of them has proven mewrong.
Oh my gosh.
It just depends on the type ofmusician that you date.
Sure, sure.
We'll just leave it at that.
What's one red flag you ignored?
Clearly we know what mine was.
I think in my early twenties,pre long-term partner.
Control.
Oh yeah! Like being in arelationship with somebody who,
(19:38):
one wanted to get very serious,very fast red flag.
Right?
Like, we barely know each other.
We're also children, so tone itdown.
But also was very, manipulativeand wanted to control future
decision making, like tried tomake decisions without me kind
of thing.
And those were like, whoa, waita minute.
(20:00):
That definitely ended rightfullyso, and it definitely crashed
and burned I was just in themoment, in the early stages of
it, trying to rationalize it.
Oh.
Like they just really care.
They're really invested.
Right.
That's right.
And the, but at the same time Iwas also questioning it.
Yeah.
(20:20):
And I was like, yeah, I wasignoring those flags in the
beginning'cause I should haveseen them right out the gate.
That makes sense.
I think my whole lastrelationship was one big red
flag from start to finish, fromstart to finish, also a very
controlling person, very, justmean.
(20:40):
Yeah.
He was mean and it wasinteresting too, a big red flag
that I totally ignored was like,my closest people all saw it.
Those are major red flags.
I think that happens a lot earlyon in relationships, especially
when you're in your earlytwenties, is when your
prospective partner or theperson you're dating does not
bring you around their friendsor they isolate you from yours.
(21:03):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a grab your shit and runred flag.
Yeah.
Again, let's repeat life lesson.
Do not go into a one night standand walk out with a relationship
and when they cannot bring youaround their friends or family
or their apartment, don't ignorethat.
And more importantly, if theydon't want you around your
(21:24):
friends, your family, or at yourapartment Grab your shit and
run.
Yeah I went out with somebodyvery briefly and I noticed right
away that they were veryparticular about where we could
go out.
Oh, a cheater.
Yes.
Oh my god.
Such a cheater.
Yeah, totally, had a girlfriend,also a musician.
(21:46):
Okay.
Yeah.
You know what?
I'm not trying to hate on allmusicians, but there's, some
things that are common.
And then had the audacity tosay, oh, I broke up with her so
I can be with you, so we can bea couple now.
Ooh.
And I was like, oh, hey, no.
That's a good way to like kindof go into the next one, which
is when did you first learn howpowerful boundaries are?
(22:09):
At that time I thought veryhighly of myself in some ways,
and then I felt very insecure inother ways.
So it is also this likedouble-edged sword, the
relationship that you have withyourself.
Says a lot about how you show upin relationships, especially
when you're young, becauseyou're still trying to figure
out yourself and figure out whatyour boundaries are.
(22:30):
And what your likes and dislikesare.
So it's, it's kind of hard to beclear with that when you're not
clear on what that is.
Yeah, that's true.
What about you?
In my twenties, I learned somereally good boundaries after my
last relationship.
That relationship it definitelyfell apart.
(22:50):
I was in the middle of moving.
I had just started a new job, itwas a whole thing.
And that's when I learned thepower boundaries.
I ran into that person a fewtimes after that and he tried to
reach out to me a few times andI blocked his number.
I moved, he didn't know where Ilived anymore.
And the times where I did runinto him, it was like, I kept
the conversations really short,very serious, very professional,
(23:11):
almost.
That was the first time Ilearned how to set boundaries.
'cause I was like, no, this isnever gonna happen again.
I'm never even gonna look at youthe same way.
And the other part is that itthen bled into other areas.
I suddenly started to feel moreconfident in my abilities at
work.
I started to root for myself inways that I had forgotten how
to.
Did you ever stay in arelationship out of fear of
(23:32):
being behind?
Yeah, I think a lot of people dothis, especially if being in a
relationship is a priority foryou And it's probably true for
99% of humans.
We wanna be connected and.
And have love and experiencethat dynamic with somebody.
(23:53):
All of us have a point in timewhere we maybe question a
relationship, but we staybecause we don't wanna be alone.
Oh, but I'm already this age andif I don't find somebody, then
I'm gonna be behind.
I'm not gonna be able to do thenext things on the list without
the person.
And it's unfortunate'cause I dothink a lot of times, and we
settle.
(24:13):
I learned early on that I didn'twant to settle.
I really took that power back oflike, if I'm gonna commit to a
relationship, it's gonna be aconscious choice that I'm going
to make because I really lovethis person and because I can
see us building a life together.
Yeah.
You were better at that than Iwas.
Yeah.
I guess I was better atboundaries than I thought.
(24:34):
I think for me, I definitelyrelate to this question and I
have stayed, it wasn't the fearof being behind.
It was more the fear of failingas a woman.
I had this weird narrative in myhead for a while and then I
broke out of that but it wasreally uncomfortable to break
outta that because it took a lotof questioning why that even
existed I also come from, we've,dropped the trauma word here and
(24:56):
there, but we've had, you know,hardships in our lives and we've
seen really bad examples of whatlove is supposed to be
sometimes.
Mm-hmm.
In different areas of our life,and when you come from a
background like that, it alsoplays a big role in how you
choose your partners and how youchoose to show up for yourself.
And so that can keep youstagnant in relationships where
(25:17):
you know you should leave butyou don't.
Yeah.
And so, let's do some funnyadvice for our 25-year-old self.
By yourself the flowers'causeyou are the queen.
Stop texting him back, he's notbusy, he just doesn't like you
enough.
Be your own pinchy sugar daddy.
Romanticize your life first.
The red flag is not a challenge,you are not Bob the builder so
(25:46):
let's talk about money andcareer talk, because this is a
big one.
Money and career talk is real,especially when you're young,
because it goes back to thatidea of what I think I mentioned
earlier is like there is not onething you're gonna do for the
rest of your life career wise.
So you need to be open andcreative and have fun with it.
Like apply for the jobs thatfeel like they might be slightly
(26:10):
out of reach.
Believe in what you canaccomplish and your dreams and
and things like that.
But also budget.
You gotta find the balance.
Like you need to learn how to begood with money and have a good
relationship with money whenyou're young.
Mm-hmm.
Because when you do this, whenyou're young.
Your money can sit and growexponentially over time.
(26:31):
Yeah.
When you're older and you'retrying to figure that out, you
don't have as much time anymore.
It's much harder.
Yeah.
And then you're like, dang it,why did I spend all that money
up in the club or on that fancycar or that fancy purse back
then?
Mm-hmm.
When it means nothing now.
And that money could have got mecloser to being a millionaire
when I retire.
It was on sale is not apersonality, okay.
(26:54):
You need to budget.
You need to start a strategy.
You don't need another indoorplant,$25 can go to a savings
account, put the paper weightdown, put the pen set down.
I'm talking to my 25-year-oldself and maybe some of you as
well.
Savings is a big one, but alsolearning how to invest your
(27:14):
money.
Learn how to be your own peachysugar daddy.
No real words have been saidbecause there's something very
empowering about being able tocultivate your own money, your
own financial stability, and tobe able to take care of yourself
no matter what.
That level of independence andconfidence you can't buy and
freedom.
Yeah.
You can't buy that kind offreedom.
(27:35):
And budgeting should not feellike a punishment to you.
And for a long time in mytwenties, it was like, what do
you mean I have to put somethingin my savings?
Then I can't actually spend iton fun.
But like budgeting is not apunishment, it's actually a
privilege.
Learning how to reframe that andto be able to be really
consistent and remember that youdon't have to have this major
(27:55):
objective but if you're doingthe long game, like many of us
have to do, because we don'tmake that much money, it's like
you also wanna be able to stillenjoy your life, but be
realistic.
It does add up over time.
What do you think yourrelationship was with money when
you were in your early twenties?
Oh my God, it was so horrible.
No one taught me responsibility.
(28:16):
I knew like I had to pay mybills or they would take away my
stuff, right?
Or I had to pay my rent, or Iwould not have anywhere to live.
I didn't understand the conceptof like, budgeting.
I didn't even know investing wasan option.
At the age of 25.
And so, while I was reallystreet smart, I also went to a
horrible high school where myinstructors actually would,
(28:37):
discourage us as students.
Especially if we weren't at thetop of the class, they would say
things like, don't worry, you'regonna be a great barista
someday.
And so because of that, when Igraduated high school I would
talk my way into these jobs thatpaid higher than minimum wage.
I think the only time I evermade minimum wage was my first
job, at a movie theater.
And then after that, it was likeI actually was making more than
(29:01):
all my friends.
And if I would've saved and putmoney into investing at that
time, oh, I'd be rich as hell.
But I did not know any better,and that's really unfortunate
and I'm really pissed off aboutit actually.
Mom and dad.
Learn how to budget, but do itwith balance, because I do
believe joy needs to be a lineitem too.
(29:23):
Right.
So I don't believe in budgetingto the extreme that you don't
treat yourself based on all thehard work that you're putting
in.
But when we're young, sometimeswe lean too much on that side
and not so much on the savingfor our future side.
So.
Lean a little more on the savingfor your future side.
What about body beauty and beingenough?
(29:44):
Ooh, this one is gonna hurt.
I feel like I spent too muchtime treating my body like a
project, but your body is not aPinterest transformation.
And in that not learning andknowing early on how to love and
appreciate myself and my body.
(30:05):
What about you?
I was so hard on myself.
I have had a lot of women in mylife where they do the
comparison game.
I didn't really do thecomparison game with other
women.
I would just be sohypercritical.
I didn't think I was thinenough, I didn't think I was
feminine enough.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, the list goes on and on,and when I look back at that
(30:27):
young 25-year-old, I just wannahug her.
I was my own bully.
And we usually are.
Yeah.
That's usually the case.
It's really harsh because weinternalize so much of what
we're absorbing from the outsidebeauty standards and
expectations, and we make thosefact for ourselves.
So that becomes some likeunrealistic expectation that
you're always trying to achieve.
(30:48):
And most people who doeventually maybe achieve some of
those milestones still don'tfeel worthy because it's not
about that.
It's about like developing yourself-confidence and your, your
love for yourself so that youalways have that no matter what
your body looks like,'cause yourbody's gonna change.
As women listen, decade todecade, year to year, it just is
(31:12):
gonna change.
That's just how life is.
That's how nature works.
Children, no children.
Super into fitness, not intofitness.
You are going to change, there'sgonna be many iterations of what
you're gonna look like and feellike in your body.
Botox, no Botox.
You'll still age until theycompletely make it so that we're
(31:36):
all vampires.
You're gonna age okay.
Yeah.
And even when they do make that,if you're not rich, you're
aging.
Yes.
We're all gonna age and we'reall gonna change.
And it's such a deeplypsychological mind fuck that we
go through as women.
I feel like it's so relatable.
What you're saying is like whenyou're, especially when you're
(31:58):
younger and you look back andyou're like, damn, I look good.
Why didn't I think that aboutmyself then?
It's because we were trying toimpress the wrong people and not
impress ourselves.
For me, I was trying to impressthe partners I had and they were
always, their eyes were alwayswandering.
So the comparison really wasn'twith other women.
It, for me, it was, I would seethem like never really
appreciating who I was.
(32:18):
And I was like, well, I guessI'm not worth it, you know?
And I internalized that as likemy own narrative.
And when other people would belike, you're beautiful.
I'd be like, yeah, okay.
This is probably generational.
Yeah.
I also grew up in a time wherestick figure skeleton, like
runway models was cool, i'm notgonna lie.
And it was, what was her name?
Kate Moss.
(32:39):
Oh my God, she was a big deal, Iforgot about Kate Moss.
Heroin chic was the thing,right?
Like dark and sunken in circlesand you're like, look, emaciated
with no curves.
Yeah.
That was all over the place.
Right?
This is what was in magazines.
This is what these unrealisticbeauty standards were set up
against.
And I was a curvy Latina girl, Ididn't fit into any of those
(33:03):
standards, so I felt like Iwasn't beautiful enough because
that's the message of beautythat was being shoved down our
throats all the time.
And unfortunately also infamilies, other women in our
families too, would alwayscomment about body type, body
shape, things like that.
(33:24):
So I became very self-consciousat a very young age, of my
curves.
And I didn't feel great in mybody, but I can look at a
picture now of me then, and I'mlike, damn, I was hot.
But I can appreciate it nowdifferently.
But I just didn't have theconfidence and I, I didn't see
people around me who were alsoappreciating that type of
(33:48):
beauty, in the same way.
The crazy shit that people woulddo as women, especially to try
to meet these, these crazystandards of beauty.
You came from the generationwhere you guys really got hooked
to diet pills.
Okay.
Fun, fun story, herbal life wasa huge thing, I was broke, so I
didn't spend money on stuff likethat.
(34:09):
But one of my old colleaguesbrought a bottle of HerbalLife
and, it is crazy to think backhow many diet fads people were
on.
Because this people were tryingto achieve this like, standard,
that was so unrealistic.
But she brought in Herbalife andthen So she started handing it
out to everybody to try it,right?
(34:30):
Yeah.
I didn't know what it was.
They were like, it's an herbalsupplement.
We come from a line of womenthat use herbs as healing.
So I took it.
I was high as a freaking kite atwork, I literally was sweating
and talking and running around.
I like jogged around the blockon my break.
(34:50):
Like legit, when have you everseen me jog?
Never.
Never, never.
You will not catch me on a jog.
My heart was beating so fast andI thought, oh my God, I'm gonna
have a heart attack.
I'm gonna die.
I didn't sleep for two days.
Like it was wild.
That's crazy.
And the worst part is.
I was like, I'm never gonna takethis again.
(35:11):
I feel awful.
There was also like this weirdhangover from it.
Because it was actually drugs.
That was being sold and marketedas diet pills but the worst part
is, is that so many of the womenthat I worked with bought
bottles of that after trying it.
So they like because you don'tget hungry.
Yeah.
Because you're on speed.
(35:33):
I feel like that's like energydrinks for my generation.
Yeah.
And then later it was like, oh,it's been pulled off all the
shelves because, you know, FDAand all this and had to be
rebranded and a new formulationthat didn't have speed in it.
That's too much.
Yes, I do remember that.
I remember.
I didn't even remember the name.
But now that you said it reallife, I'm like, yes, that was
it.
It was like a whole scandal.
People were addicted to it, Iremember people doing the
(35:56):
cabbage soup diet.
I never heard that one.
When you make this cabbage soupand they would eat it, that's
all you would eat for like sevendays straight.
Yeah.
The torture that we putourselves through.
I can relate to that part.
Like I remember, the partnerthat shall not be named.
He actually was like, I'm vegan.
Oh yes.
And he said, you would becomethinner and more attractive if
(36:17):
you actually joined me and werevegan too.
How fricking dare you?
And I remember being kind ofinsulted, but also like, I guess
I could try it, but I was reallyupset inside because I love
chicken.
I've loved chicken since I was akid.
Andi is laughing because chickenand rice.
I love Japanese food.
(36:38):
I love anything that has chickenand rice in it.
Arroz con condules and somenice, grilled chicken.
Anyway, the point is I betrayedmyself, went vegan.
There was a lot of really goodreasons around becoming vegan,
it's actually better for theenvironment, it cuts a
greenhouse gas emissions.
It does actually cost a littlebit more when you have to pay
for all the supplements that youneed in order to be a healthy
(37:00):
vegan.
People don't like about that.
And back then it was harderbecause the vegan options
weren't as plentiful as they arenow.
I ate really healthy, but it wasmore expensive because they were
at like little tiny markets andthey did not taste good.
Mm-hmm.
They weren't as like flavorfulas they are now.
But I got really into it and Iended up being the skinniest I'd
(37:20):
ever been.
And so I think what I'm sayingis that you don't have to make
some commitment to a facade,right.
I think just try to be healthyto your best ability and also
enjoy yourself.
I don't think any of thismatters unless you learn how to
have and practice self-love andappreciate whatever body you
(37:44):
have.
Appreciate the beauty that youare and the beauty that you
bring, with this kind of radicalself-love and acceptance.
If you don't have that, thenyou're always gonna criticize no
matter what, even when you'rehealthy.
Yeah.
What's one thing you love moreabout yourself now than you did
then?
Actually watching that showNaked Attraction, I was like,
(38:07):
I'm actually really beautifulnaked.
How about you?
I think one of the things I lovemore about myself now than I did
then is my smile and my highcheekbones and a lot of my
features on my face wereidentified as being very ethnic
features growing up.
Oh my God, me too, yeah.
(38:29):
And that was delivered in anegative way.
But now as a woman who's agingwith grace and compassion, I
think my smile is very beautifuland I love the little quirks
about it.
And I can look at myself in theeyes in the mirror and go,
(38:49):
you're cute.
I love you.
So if you had to defineenoughness in one sentence, what
would it be?
Enoughness is knowing that yourvalue isn't determined by
external validation.
How about you?
I am everything I need as I amright now in this moment, filled
(39:12):
with nothing but love andcompassion.
I like that.
So maybe we didn't have it allfigured out at 25, but honestly,
that version of us stilldeserves a high five for making
it this far.
The five year plan is a cuteidea, it's also fictional, but
you'll be okay.
So whether you're 25 now ordecades past it, just remember
it's never too late to pivot, tostart fresh, or to choose
(39:36):
yourself.
We'd love to hear from you.
What advice would you give toyour younger self?
Don't forget to subscribe.
Leave a review and share thechaos with your friends.
Catch you next time.
Bye guys.
Bye.
Hello everybody.
Welcome back to Andy and Mitch.
Okay.
Can we just start by saying,remember when we thought 25 was
grown, like full-blown adultmortgage ready, emotionally
stable, living in a Pottery Barncatalog or something?
I thought I was supposed to havea husband, a house, a five year
plan, and a skin routine.
(00:20):
Plot twist.
We were adorable and delusional.
So whether you're 25 now or justremember her fondly.
This one's for all of us tryingto figure it out.
Let's get into it.
All right, so I used to believethat 25 was my figure it all out
deadline.
For a long time I was scared tochange directions.
(00:40):
I stayed in jobs for many years,in friendships for even longer.
I do wish someone had told meit's normal to pivot.
You're not failing, you're justadjusting and life isn't a
straight road.
It's a roundabout with all kindsof confusing signage.
I used to think that quittingmeant you were a quitter.
(01:01):
That if you had a plan, you weresupposed to stick to it but no,
what I learned is sometimesquitting is winning.
As we dive in, I want us tolike, let's root and connect to
that 25-year-old version ofourselves.
If your 25-year-old, you, had atheme song, what do you think it
would be?
Portisheads, Roads, one of themost deep songs still to this
(01:26):
day, I still jam to it.
What was your 25-year-old vibe?
my vibe when I was 25 was verylost.
I think my hair looked lost, myface looked lost.
Everything.
How does your hair look lost.
That was the era of like screamrock, indie rock, it being
really prevalent during thattimeframe.
(01:47):
I very much was going to thosekind of shows and concerts, lots
of side bangs, and I thought Iwas super chill for the most
part when I was 25.
I maybe was a littlepretentious, really into
photography and was heartbrokenwhen I was 25, experience, a
heartache at that age.
25, so lots of advice that youcan probably give to that.
(02:09):
Here we go, guys, 25-year-oldversion of yourself.
How about you?
Oh my gosh, at 25, my vibe wasvery similar to my current vibe,
so I don't know how much I'veevolved in life, I really
musically loved neo soul musicand I still do.
It's part of my essence core,Erica Badu and Jill Scott.
We used to go to concerts allthe time, like small scale
(02:31):
concerts, like House of Blues.
Yeah.
I used to love seeing showsthere'cause it was really small
My dress was very nineties, butcute and comfy.
I was freaking adorable then, Ihad actual fire, red hair.
I was also trying to figure outwhat are those long-term
deadlines and check marks.
(02:53):
That I need in life to have acareer to, I was trying to get
more serious about those thingsat that time.
I definitely did not have allthe answers or any answers, but
that's also my personality.
I'm kinda a little flighty likethat.
I always wanna do like a hundreddifferent things.
So I think I was trying tofigure out how to focus on
something.
(03:13):
What were you working as, whatrole did you have, if you don't
mind me asking?
When I was 25.
I was in school still, so I wastrying to finish school.
I also was working for a smallprivately owned boutique because
the hours were really flexibleand they used to pay me a lot of
money to work there.
That's right.
And I could go to school andhad, take all the classes.
So it's kinda like an upscale,private boutique that paid
(03:34):
ridiculously well.
And we were a very small team,but it was easy to work there
'cause all of us we were allstill trying to figure it out.
We were all various ages oftwenties, all women, a whole
women team.
It was a woman-owned company.
What about you?
At 25 I had the coolest job, Iwent to like a placement agency
and they ended up placing me ina really cool editorial job.
I became a content manager,around the time that apps, had
(03:57):
taken over the marketplace.
I did a lot of editing for majormagazines and it was just really
rad.
They really wanted to be Google.
We had a old retro van, we hadraces in the office, we had a
ping pong table, some gamingstations, unlimited snacks and
food.
It was pretty cool.
To go from that to a real jobwas a, that company ended up
(04:20):
going under, and I was one ofthe last four people to leave, I
sank with that Titanic.
I was Jack, you were hanging onto the side of the board and
someone kicked you off.
I just slowly drifted into theocean.
since we're connecting with our,younger versions what do you
think is the funniestmisconception you had about
adulthood at that age?
Oh, that I would be married andI'd have a house.
(04:43):
There's this really weird stigmathat's passed down and I see it
now amongst the youngsters.
Mm-hmm.
And they're like, I'm getting soold, like it's a panic.
Yeah.
I think a funny misconceptionthat a lot of people have is
that at 25 or somewhere around,we think we're grown.
Like we think we know everythingthere is to know.
(05:03):
And we don't, we know nothingand we're still figuring it out.
Yeah.
And also like, I think I thoughtat that age, like that was the
peak coolness.
I wasn't gonna be any coolerthan I was at 25.
And I wanna take that backbecause I do think we have
become cooler with age forreasons that we didn't even
(05:26):
realize.
I agree with that.
I didn't think that I was gonnabecome cooler 25'cause I've
never been cool.
Yeah.
That's something cool peoplesay.
That's what my old colleagueused to tell me all the time.
That's something a cool personwould say.
I wasn't cool.
I just used to hang out witheverybody, make friends with
everybody, you know, a floater.
And I was like, no, whatever.
You're Switzerland, you're justplaying with the hacky sack on
(05:48):
the side.
You get along with everybody.
Yeah.
'cause the cool person's kind ofindifferent and they're too cool
to care, you know?
I guess so.
So what belief about success oradulthood did you hold tightly
back then?
There are certain things youhave to accomplish in order to
be considered successful inlife.
You have to get the rightrelationship.
You have to start the family,you have to get the good paying
(06:09):
job.
You have to buy a house, buy acar, which essentially get in
debt.
Isn't that crazy?
Society, we really missed themark there because there were so
many things that I really couldhave benefited from, like real
financial advice and how toinvest and how to define what
makes you happy in life and allof this other stuff.
(06:31):
I didn't know anythingdifferent, so I just thought.
Okay, well I'm just gonna do thethings that are on the list
because that's what you'resupposed to do.
When did you first realize thatwhat you commonly expect at the
age of 25 isn't all it's crackedup to be.
I mean, 40.
I think that's a big lessonthat's very complicated and
(06:52):
nuanced.
I was learning it, not knowing Iwas learning it, and then when
pandemic hit, it became veryclear in my head, like, oh yeah,
I need to let go of this, andI've been holding onto it.
Like, I went to grad school,worked my ass off, but I didn't
pursue that as a careerfull-time.
Yeah.
And everybody's opinions, wereweighing heavy on me that I kept
(07:16):
following the narrative, like,oh yeah, I'll go back to it.
When I knew in my mind, I hadalready made a decision for
myself that I wanted to dosomething different and pivot.
But because I think I was soconcerned about what other
people would think and whattheir opinions were, that they
were very happily sharing withme, even though I didn't ask for
them.
That was just kind of takingover.
(07:37):
And then when pandemic hit,because we had so much time to
ourselves, I had a lot ofclarity of Actually no, I need
to grieve this and let it go.
I'm not going back.
And I was finally able to saythat and believe that with
confidence that this whole ideathat I have to have everything
figured out, and once I do that,I have to follow the path, as
(07:59):
it's been laid out to me, thatshattered completely.
There's a double side to thatcoin with education particularly
if you feel that you didn't meetthe marker by a certain
timeframe, you're terrified totry to meet the marker later in
life.
And it will actually deter a lotof people from trying to go back
and find alternative pathways tofinish education, in the line of
(08:22):
interest that they have later inlife.
Right.
Yeah.
It's not always gonna be thesame.
It's kind of ridiculous toassume that what you like when
you're 18, that you're gonnalove when you're 40.
And you don't, I mean, those arelessons I try to impart on
younger people.
My child included is like, youcan have many iterations of a
career.
And they can look different fromeach other throughout your
(08:43):
lifetime but we were raised byboomers.
And so, for them, theirgeneration was, you go to
school, you find a partner, youget married, you have a family,
you have a good job and then youstay at that job for 50 years,
until you retire with Allstate.
You collect your retirementbenefits and then you live out
the rest of your life inretirement.
(09:04):
That is no longer reality.
And I think it hasn't beenreality for quite some time, but
I think that narrative stillexists, that influences how we
think about our lifetrajectories.
That's why so many people arefeeling like they're in crisis
As early as 25 for sureeverything that they told me
that is supposed to be mybenchmark isn't even attainable.
(09:26):
Like buying a house, it's likefeels impossible right now.
And there's a lot of people thatland the job and land the
partner and land the stuff andthen they get to that crossroads
where they're like, wait aminute, I still can't check
these boxes off, but I dideverything right.
Yeah.
And then there's people that arelike, well, I can't check them
off'cause I didn't do everythingright.
And so I don't even think I havean opportunity to fix it or find
(09:48):
an alternative pathway.
Yeah.
It's, it's definitely kind ofheavy when you think about it
that way.
But looking back, what advicewould you give your younger self
about making decisions andtrusting the unknown?
Learn to hear your own intuitionearly.
Listen to yourself.
You gotta drown out the noise.
Because nobody knows what's bestfor you, the same way that you
(10:10):
know what's best for you.
What about you?
I like what you said abouttrusting your inner knowing.
I think for me, I would want toencourage, develop a
relationship with failure andfear.
That's a good one, to not be sodeterred by fear and also to
reframe your failures.
Both of those lead to this ideaof like, you have to learn how
(10:33):
to trust yourself.
You know, you have to trustyourself in your successes, in
the decisions that you make, butyou also have to trust yourself
enough to know that when youfail, you're gonna be okay.
You've survived a hundredpercent of your worst day so
far, every day that you wake up.
So technically you're batting ahundred even when you think
you're not.
Did you have a that turned outto be the best thing for you?
I'm currently in a pivot thatfelt scary, but has turned out
(10:56):
to be a really good thing forme.
People don't talk about thatpart.
They're like, it's the bestthing for you, it's like, yeah
but it's scary the whole waythrough.
And this comes from a place ofus growing up, when you come
from instability and you finallyget stability and financial
security, it gets really tricky.
And like it's become a big thingin my life and I've always
prided myself on being able totake care of myself and not have
(11:20):
to rely on others.
And so on one hand I am.
In a place where I've never feltmore myself, I feel really proud
of the person that I am.
I have been applying veryselectively to different
opportunities because my bigleap was to leave my last
position.
And it's not that it was theworst position.
I actually got along with mostpeople, I did a great job, I had
(11:43):
a good setup to be there for awhile.
And so it was really scary to meto come to terms with the fact
that I still wasn't happy, thatI didn't feel like I could be
myself in those spaces.
it started to really take a tollon me Did you feel like the
pressures of timelines, such asthe ones that maybe you were
carrying forward with you fromyour twenties into your
(12:05):
thirties, that some of thosetimeline pressures were part of
the reason that you stayed aslong as you did?
So there's this interestingrealization that happened about
a year prior to me actuallymaking the move of leaving, I
started seeing myself becomevery rigid I was like, this
feels foreign, I don't like theway, this feels.
I normally wouldn't get agitatedabout these little things.
I chose to go to therapy andwith my trustee therapist, you
(12:27):
help me navigate these emotionsand we realize, well, the thing
is you're digging your heelsinto a situation that no longer
serves you.
Into an environment that nolonger help you grow because
you've exhausted all of theopportunities for growth here.
So it's time for you to move.
But the question is, are yougonna let your fear stop you
from moving?
When I first took the leap, Islept for a week straight.
(12:48):
And I was like, I'm depressed, Imade the wrong decision.
And then I realized, no, you'renot depressed.
I started coming back to myself.
I started listening to music,singing while I'm washing
dishes, working out withfriends, making better decisions
for myself.
I started realizing you'reexactly where you're supposed to
be.
Now what are you gonna do next?
Do you think you would've madethe same decisions at the
(13:09):
25-year-old version of yourself?
No, I wasn't ready for it, at25, I had different values than
I do now.
And so I valued myself way lessat 25.
And I valued objectives, andother people, I would place
other people a lot higher than Iranked myself and now I have
this really unconditional lovefor myself.
(13:30):
So I am hard on myself aboutsome things, but I am really
quick to intervene and shut itdown.
a lot of times there's thismisconception that you're gonna
heal and it's just a bandaid andeverything's fixed.
If you sign up for the healingjourney.
Yeah.
You're on it for the long haul.
And healing to me has becomethis everyday decision to just
not hurt myself.
(13:51):
Mm-hmm.
And, sometimes that is verychallenging'cause a lot of the
coping mechanisms that we learn,especially when we're living
through chaos, they're notalways the best.
I love a good cookie platter,when I'm down and out, is it
good for my body?
No.
Mm-hmm.
My pancreas is like, what thehell are you doing?
And I'm like, just chill, I gotit under control.
(14:13):
With that being said, it's timeto discuss relationships.
What were we doing at 25?
In relationships?
I was highly committed to thewrong person.
I was not only highly committedto the wrong person, I also was
like helping them achieve theirgoals, putting my goals on the
back burner This part I think ismaybe more for the I can fix
him, girlies.
Did somebody say my name?
(14:35):
You know this idea like, youneed to stop thinking you can
turn a red flag into a throwpillow'cause you can't and you
cannot redecorate arounddysfunction.
I bought them new furniture andI paid for their studio.
I did a lot of things that Ithought you were supposed to do
as a partner.
And I should have been puttingit in a 401k.
Now I look back on it and I'mlike, it's because I came from
(14:58):
this very traditional beliefsystem, behind the role of a
woman, and I didn't even realizeit.
I was so obsessed with beingchosen when I was, in my
twenties that I forgot to choosemyself.
And honestly, falling in lovewith you first, is your top
priority.
Yeah.
Get to know your quirks, yourrhythms, and your joy.
(15:19):
What about you, what were youdoing?
At the age of 25, I was working,I was going to school.
I was learning how to be in a,healthy relationship and what
that meant.
And also, learning how to own myown in that relationship.
Get to define my role and notlet other people define that for
(15:42):
me or the stereotypes of what itmeans to be in a relationship,
especially as Latinos.
And I had a saying, I'm not yourmother and I'm not your maid.
That's a good sign.
Right?
Like, I'm not your mama.
I'm not your maid.
I'm your partner.
And we need to learn how to dolife together and grow together
and better ourselves.
(16:02):
Because, you know, there's a lotof things I'd like to be able to
accomplish in life and so I wasdoing a lot of that.
And it was early on'cause earlyyears in any relationship, it's
not always smooth sailing.
I think the honeymoon periodfades very quickly.
And then reality kicks in andit's like, okay, I gotta figure
out how to do life with thisperson and figure out how to do
(16:26):
it in a way that I don't losemyself in the relationship and
they don't lose themselves inthe relationship.
Yeah.
But that we continue to grow andevolve together.
So, outta curiosity, what kindof relationships were you drawn
to The kind of relationships Iwas drawn to in my early
twenties.
Initially were just young andfun, I just wanted to have fun.
(16:47):
I wasn't interested in settlingdown or getting too serious, I
didn't wanna be tied down, youknow, this free spirit had a
roam.
And then when I met my nowpartner, that felt like it
deserved more tenderness andattention.
So then it shifted my interestsin relationships then became
(17:09):
looking for something moremature.
Looking for people that weremore respectful because in my, I
just wanna have fun.
You're also then picking peoplewho also just wanna have fun.
And you start to realize like,they don't treat you so well.
When the tequila buzz wears off,the relationship is over.
Yeah.
I think for me it was completeopposite, I was in serious
(17:32):
relationships period.
The first relationship I had waslike, if I was having a really
fun time, but just with oneperson.
He was just the life of theparty, he wanted a party, that
was it and we were also kids.
Yeah.
No negative feelings toward himwhatsoever.
And then I dated a little bit.
And then I was in anotherlong-term relationship and that
one was a trap.
(17:52):
I tried to actually just datehim.
It's a trap.
Okay, I'm just gonna share this,I guess.
I tried to just have a one nightstand.
Okay.
Uhhuh.
And then he asked me to be hisgirlfriend in the middle of the
one night stand.
Oh.
That's a major red flag, andthat's a major red flag that you
ignored.
(18:13):
And I remember going to work andI had talked to this colleague
of mine and I told him I did it.
I had a one night stand for thefirst time in my life and I was
so proud.
Probably not what parents wannabe hearing right.
I think it's okay for women toown that and feel empowered with
their own sexuality to say, Idon't need to be committed just
because I'm a woman.
I can go have fun too andexplore life.
(18:34):
Yeah.
And I was so proud.
I was like, I did it.
I told my colleague, he waslike, congratulations, we high
fived on it.
I'm a little nerd, clearly.
And then, then he tells me, sowhat happened?
And then I told him, and then hewent, what the are you in a
relationship?
And I went, he's like, fail.
Yeah.
And then I went, okay, listen,I'm gonna break up with him a
(18:54):
week it'll be fine.
That's not how a one nightstands are supposed to work.
Fast forward to a year and ahalf later, we finally split.
But I think our relationship wasactually very sweet until it
wasn't.
They're always sweet until that,Yeah, he was a musician.
Another major red flag, youignored.
No musicians, get a bad rap.
(19:14):
Not one of them has proven mewrong.
Oh my gosh.
It just depends on the type ofmusician that you date.
Sure, sure.
We'll just leave it at that.
What's one red flag you ignored?
Clearly we know what mine was.
I think in my early twenties,pre long-term partner.
Control.
Oh yeah! Like being in arelationship with somebody who,
(19:38):
one wanted to get very serious,very fast red flag.
Right?
Like, we barely know each other.
We're also children, so tone itdown.
But also was very, manipulativeand wanted to control future
decision making, like tried tomake decisions without me kind
of thing.
And those were like, whoa, waita minute.
(20:00):
That definitely ended rightfullyso, and it definitely crashed
and burned I was just in themoment, in the early stages of
it, trying to rationalize it.
Oh.
Like they just really care.
They're really invested.
Right.
That's right.
And the, but at the same time Iwas also questioning it.
Yeah.
(20:20):
And I was like, yeah, I wasignoring those flags in the
beginning'cause I should haveseen them right out the gate.
That makes sense.
I think my whole lastrelationship was one big red
flag from start to finish, fromstart to finish, also a very
controlling person, very, justmean.
(20:40):
Yeah.
He was mean and it wasinteresting too, a big red flag
that I totally ignored was like,my closest people all saw it.
Those are major red flags.
I think that happens a lot earlyon in relationships, especially
when you're in your earlytwenties, is when your
prospective partner or theperson you're dating does not
bring you around their friendsor they isolate you from yours.
(21:03):
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's a grab your shit and runred flag.
Yeah.
Again, let's repeat life lesson.
Do not go into a one night standand walk out with a relationship
and when they cannot bring youaround their friends or family
or their apartment, don't ignorethat.
And more importantly, if theydon't want you around your
(21:24):
friends, your family, or at yourapartment Grab your shit and
run.
Yeah I went out with somebodyvery briefly and I noticed right
away that they were veryparticular about where we could
go out.
Oh, a cheater.
Yes.
Oh my god.
Such a cheater.
Yeah, totally, had a girlfriend,also a musician.
(21:46):
Okay.
Yeah.
You know what?
I'm not trying to hate on allmusicians, but there's, some
things that are common.
And then had the audacity tosay, oh, I broke up with her so
I can be with you, so we can bea couple now.
Ooh.
And I was like, oh, hey, no.
That's a good way to like kindof go into the next one, which
is when did you first learn howpowerful boundaries are?
(22:09):
At that time I thought veryhighly of myself in some ways,
and then I felt very insecure inother ways.
So it is also this likedouble-edged sword, the
relationship that you have withyourself.
Says a lot about how you show upin relationships, especially
when you're young, becauseyou're still trying to figure
out yourself and figure out whatyour boundaries are.
(22:30):
And what your likes and dislikesare.
So it's, it's kind of hard to beclear with that when you're not
clear on what that is.
Yeah, that's true.
What about you?
In my twenties, I learned somereally good boundaries after my
last relationship.
That relationship it definitelyfell apart.
(22:50):
I was in the middle of moving.
I had just started a new job, itwas a whole thing.
And that's when I learned thepower boundaries.
I ran into that person a fewtimes after that and he tried to
reach out to me a few times andI blocked his number.
I moved, he didn't know where Ilived anymore.
And the times where I did runinto him, it was like, I kept
the conversations really short,very serious, very professional,
(23:11):
almost.
That was the first time Ilearned how to set boundaries.
'cause I was like, no, this isnever gonna happen again.
I'm never even gonna look at youthe same way.
And the other part is that itthen bled into other areas.
I suddenly started to feel moreconfident in my abilities at
work.
I started to root for myself inways that I had forgotten how
to.
Did you ever stay in arelationship out of fear of
(23:32):
being behind?
Yeah, I think a lot of people dothis, especially if being in a
relationship is a priority foryou And it's probably true for
99% of humans.
We wanna be connected and.
And have love and experiencethat dynamic with somebody.
(23:53):
All of us have a point in timewhere we maybe question a
relationship, but we staybecause we don't wanna be alone.
Oh, but I'm already this age andif I don't find somebody, then
I'm gonna be behind.
I'm not gonna be able to do thenext things on the list without
the person.
And it's unfortunate'cause I dothink a lot of times, and we
settle.
(24:13):
I learned early on that I didn'twant to settle.
I really took that power back oflike, if I'm gonna commit to a
relationship, it's gonna be aconscious choice that I'm going
to make because I really lovethis person and because I can
see us building a life together.
Yeah.
You were better at that than Iwas.
Yeah.
I guess I was better atboundaries than I thought.
(24:34):
I think for me, I definitelyrelate to this question and I
have stayed, it wasn't the fearof being behind.
It was more the fear of failingas a woman.
I had this weird narrative in myhead for a while and then I
broke out of that but it wasreally uncomfortable to break
outta that because it took a lotof questioning why that even
existed I also come from, we've,dropped the trauma word here and
(24:56):
there, but we've had, you know,hardships in our lives and we've
seen really bad examples of whatlove is supposed to be
sometimes.
Mm-hmm.
In different areas of our life,and when you come from a
background like that, it alsoplays a big role in how you
choose your partners and how youchoose to show up for yourself.
And so that can keep youstagnant in relationships where
(25:17):
you know you should leave butyou don't.
Yeah.
And so, let's do some funnyadvice for our 25-year-old self.
By yourself the flowers'causeyou are the queen.
Stop texting him back, he's notbusy, he just doesn't like you
enough.
Be your own pinchy sugar daddy.
Romanticize your life first.
The red flag is not a challenge,you are not Bob the builder so
(25:46):
let's talk about money andcareer talk, because this is a
big one.
Money and career talk is real,especially when you're young,
because it goes back to thatidea of what I think I mentioned
earlier is like there is not onething you're gonna do for the
rest of your life career wise.
So you need to be open andcreative and have fun with it.
Like apply for the jobs thatfeel like they might be slightly
(26:10):
out of reach.
Believe in what you canaccomplish and your dreams and
and things like that.
But also budget.
You gotta find the balance.
Like you need to learn how to begood with money and have a good
relationship with money whenyou're young.
Mm-hmm.
Because when you do this, whenyou're young.
Your money can sit and growexponentially over time.
(26:31):
Yeah.
When you're older and you'retrying to figure that out, you
don't have as much time anymore.
It's much harder.
Yeah.
And then you're like, dang it,why did I spend all that money
up in the club or on that fancycar or that fancy purse back
then?
Mm-hmm.
When it means nothing now.
And that money could have got mecloser to being a millionaire
when I retire.
It was on sale is not apersonality, okay.
(26:54):
You need to budget.
You need to start a strategy.
You don't need another indoorplant,$25 can go to a savings
account, put the paper weightdown, put the pen set down.
I'm talking to my 25-year-oldself and maybe some of you as
well.
Savings is a big one, but alsolearning how to invest your
(27:14):
money.
Learn how to be your own peachysugar daddy.
No real words have been saidbecause there's something very
empowering about being able tocultivate your own money, your
own financial stability, and tobe able to take care of yourself
no matter what.
That level of independence andconfidence you can't buy and
freedom.
Yeah.
You can't buy that kind offreedom.
(27:35):
And budgeting should not feellike a punishment to you.
And for a long time in mytwenties, it was like, what do
you mean I have to put somethingin my savings?
Then I can't actually spend iton fun.
But like budgeting is not apunishment, it's actually a
privilege.
Learning how to reframe that andto be able to be really
consistent and remember that youdon't have to have this major
(27:55):
objective but if you're doingthe long game, like many of us
have to do, because we don'tmake that much money, it's like
you also wanna be able to stillenjoy your life, but be
realistic.
It does add up over time.
What do you think yourrelationship was with money when
you were in your early twenties?
Oh my God, it was so horrible.
No one taught me responsibility.
(28:16):
I knew like I had to pay mybills or they would take away my
stuff, right?
Or I had to pay my rent, or Iwould not have anywhere to live.
I didn't understand the conceptof like, budgeting.
I didn't even know investing wasan option.
At the age of 25.
And so, while I was reallystreet smart, I also went to a
horrible high school where myinstructors actually would,
(28:37):
discourage us as students.
Especially if we weren't at thetop of the class, they would say
things like, don't worry, you'regonna be a great barista
someday.
And so because of that, when Igraduated high school I would
talk my way into these jobs thatpaid higher than minimum wage.
I think the only time I evermade minimum wage was my first
job, at a movie theater.
And then after that, it was likeI actually was making more than
(29:01):
all my friends.
And if I would've saved and putmoney into investing at that
time, oh, I'd be rich as hell.
But I did not know any better,and that's really unfortunate
and I'm really pissed off aboutit actually.
Mom and dad.
Learn how to budget, but do itwith balance, because I do
believe joy needs to be a lineitem too.
(29:23):
Right.
So I don't believe in budgetingto the extreme that you don't
treat yourself based on all thehard work that you're putting
in.
But when we're young, sometimeswe lean too much on that side
and not so much on the savingfor our future side.
So.
Lean a little more on the savingfor your future side.
What about body beauty and beingenough?
(29:44):
Ooh, this one is gonna hurt.
I feel like I spent too muchtime treating my body like a
project, but your body is not aPinterest transformation.
And in that not learning andknowing early on how to love and
appreciate myself and my body.
(30:05):
What about you?
I was so hard on myself.
I have had a lot of women in mylife where they do the
comparison game.
I didn't really do thecomparison game with other
women.
I would just be sohypercritical.
I didn't think I was thinenough, I didn't think I was
feminine enough.
Mm-hmm.
I mean, the list goes on and on,and when I look back at that
(30:27):
young 25-year-old, I just wannahug her.
I was my own bully.
And we usually are.
Yeah.
That's usually the case.
It's really harsh because weinternalize so much of what
we're absorbing from the outsidebeauty standards and
expectations, and we make thosefact for ourselves.
So that becomes some likeunrealistic expectation that
you're always trying to achieve.
(30:48):
And most people who doeventually maybe achieve some of
those milestones still don'tfeel worthy because it's not
about that.
It's about like developing yourself-confidence and your, your
love for yourself so that youalways have that no matter what
your body looks like,'cause yourbody's gonna change.
As women listen, decade todecade, year to year, it just is
(31:12):
gonna change.
That's just how life is.
That's how nature works.
Children, no children.
Super into fitness, not intofitness.
You are going to change, there'sgonna be many iterations of what
you're gonna look like and feellike in your body.
Botox, no Botox.
You'll still age until theycompletely make it so that we're
(31:36):
all vampires.
You're gonna age okay.
Yeah.
And even when they do make that,if you're not rich, you're
aging.
Yes.
We're all gonna age and we'reall gonna change.
And it's such a deeplypsychological mind fuck that we
go through as women.
I feel like it's so relatable.
What you're saying is like whenyou're, especially when you're
(31:58):
younger and you look back andyou're like, damn, I look good.
Why didn't I think that aboutmyself then?
It's because we were trying toimpress the wrong people and not
impress ourselves.
For me, I was trying to impressthe partners I had and they were
always, their eyes were alwayswandering.
So the comparison really wasn'twith other women.
It, for me, it was, I would seethem like never really
appreciating who I was.
(32:18):
And I was like, well, I guessI'm not worth it, you know?
And I internalized that as likemy own narrative.
And when other people would belike, you're beautiful.
I'd be like, yeah, okay.
This is probably generational.
Yeah.
I also grew up in a time wherestick figure skeleton, like
runway models was cool, i'm notgonna lie.
And it was, what was her name?
Kate Moss.
(32:39):
Oh my God, she was a big deal, Iforgot about Kate Moss.
Heroin chic was the thing,right?
Like dark and sunken in circlesand you're like, look, emaciated
with no curves.
Yeah.
That was all over the place.
Right?
This is what was in magazines.
This is what these unrealisticbeauty standards were set up
against.
And I was a curvy Latina girl, Ididn't fit into any of those
(33:03):
standards, so I felt like Iwasn't beautiful enough because
that's the message of beautythat was being shoved down our
throats all the time.
And unfortunately also infamilies, other women in our
families too, would alwayscomment about body type, body
shape, things like that.
(33:24):
So I became very self-consciousat a very young age, of my
curves.
And I didn't feel great in mybody, but I can look at a
picture now of me then, and I'mlike, damn, I was hot.
But I can appreciate it nowdifferently.
But I just didn't have theconfidence and I, I didn't see
people around me who were alsoappreciating that type of
(33:48):
beauty, in the same way.
The crazy shit that people woulddo as women, especially to try
to meet these, these crazystandards of beauty.
You came from the generationwhere you guys really got hooked
to diet pills.
Okay.
Fun, fun story, herbal life wasa huge thing, I was broke, so I
didn't spend money on stuff likethat.
(34:09):
But one of my old colleaguesbrought a bottle of HerbalLife
and, it is crazy to think backhow many diet fads people were
on.
Because this people were tryingto achieve this like, standard,
that was so unrealistic.
But she brought in Herbalife andthen So she started handing it
out to everybody to try it,right?
(34:30):
Yeah.
I didn't know what it was.
They were like, it's an herbalsupplement.
We come from a line of womenthat use herbs as healing.
So I took it.
I was high as a freaking kite atwork, I literally was sweating
and talking and running around.
I like jogged around the blockon my break.
(34:50):
Like legit, when have you everseen me jog?
Never.
Never, never.
You will not catch me on a jog.
My heart was beating so fast andI thought, oh my God, I'm gonna
have a heart attack.
I'm gonna die.
I didn't sleep for two days.
Like it was wild.
That's crazy.
And the worst part is.
I was like, I'm never gonna takethis again.
(35:11):
I feel awful.
There was also like this weirdhangover from it.
Because it was actually drugs.
That was being sold and marketedas diet pills but the worst part
is, is that so many of the womenthat I worked with bought
bottles of that after trying it.
So they like because you don'tget hungry.
Yeah.
Because you're on speed.
(35:33):
I feel like that's like energydrinks for my generation.
Yeah.
And then later it was like, oh,it's been pulled off all the
shelves because, you know, FDAand all this and had to be
rebranded and a new formulationthat didn't have speed in it.
That's too much.
Yes, I do remember that.
I remember.
I didn't even remember the name.
But now that you said it reallife, I'm like, yes, that was
it.
It was like a whole scandal.
People were addicted to it, Iremember people doing the
(35:56):
cabbage soup diet.
I never heard that one.
When you make this cabbage soupand they would eat it, that's
all you would eat for like sevendays straight.
Yeah.
The torture that we putourselves through.
I can relate to that part.
Like I remember, the partnerthat shall not be named.
He actually was like, I'm vegan.
Oh yes.
And he said, you would becomethinner and more attractive if
(36:17):
you actually joined me and werevegan too.
How fricking dare you?
And I remember being kind ofinsulted, but also like, I guess
I could try it, but I was reallyupset inside because I love
chicken.
I've loved chicken since I was akid.
Andi is laughing because chickenand rice.
I love Japanese food.
(36:38):
I love anything that has chickenand rice in it.
Arroz con condules and somenice, grilled chicken.
Anyway, the point is I betrayedmyself, went vegan.
There was a lot of really goodreasons around becoming vegan,
it's actually better for theenvironment, it cuts a
greenhouse gas emissions.
It does actually cost a littlebit more when you have to pay
for all the supplements that youneed in order to be a healthy
(37:00):
vegan.
People don't like about that.
And back then it was harderbecause the vegan options
weren't as plentiful as they arenow.
I ate really healthy, but it wasmore expensive because they were
at like little tiny markets andthey did not taste good.
Mm-hmm.
They weren't as like flavorfulas they are now.
But I got really into it and Iended up being the skinniest I'd
(37:20):
ever been.
And so I think what I'm sayingis that you don't have to make
some commitment to a facade,right.
I think just try to be healthyto your best ability and also
enjoy yourself.
I don't think any of thismatters unless you learn how to
have and practice self-love andappreciate whatever body you
(37:44):
have.
Appreciate the beauty that youare and the beauty that you
bring, with this kind of radicalself-love and acceptance.
If you don't have that, thenyou're always gonna criticize no
matter what, even when you'rehealthy.
Yeah.
What's one thing you love moreabout yourself now than you did
then?
Actually watching that showNaked Attraction, I was like,
(38:07):
I'm actually really beautifulnaked.
How about you?
I think one of the things I lovemore about myself now than I did
then is my smile and my highcheekbones and a lot of my
features on my face wereidentified as being very ethnic
features growing up.
Oh my God, me too, yeah.
(38:29):
And that was delivered in anegative way.
But now as a woman who's agingwith grace and compassion, I
think my smile is very beautifuland I love the little quirks
about it.
And I can look at myself in theeyes in the mirror and go,
(38:49):
you're cute.
I love you.
So if you had to defineenoughness in one sentence, what
would it be?
Enoughness is knowing that yourvalue isn't determined by
external validation.
How about you?
I am everything I need as I amright now in this moment, filled
(39:12):
with nothing but love andcompassion.
I like that.
So maybe we didn't have it allfigured out at 25, but honestly,
that version of us stilldeserves a high five for making
it this far.
The five year plan is a cuteidea, it's also fictional, but
you'll be okay.
So whether you're 25 now ordecades past it, just remember
it's never too late to pivot, tostart fresh, or to choose
(39:36):
yourself.
We'd love to hear from you.
What advice would you give toyour younger self?
Don't forget to subscribe.
Leave a review and share thechaos with your friends.
Catch you next time.
Bye guys.
Bye.
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