May 2, 2025 • 22 mins
In this episode I use some personal stories as an example to go a little deeper into the darker aspects of humanity, and why I don't think we can love, light, and rainbows our trouble (collective and personal) away.
I speak to the nuance, depth, and importance of looking at and sitting with the collective shadow of the world, and that fierce love isn't as simple as 'coming together over our differences.'
There are bullies on the playground that are doing things that are not ok right now!
My aim is to add a more full picture to how I feel about what's at stake and how JOY IS A NECESSARY FUEL, and resource for hope, which we must cultivate.
I hope you enjoy.
IG: @angelcollinson
And thanks to my friend Dan Hochman for the musical component in my podcast! Find him on Spotify here:
https://open.spotify.com/artist/7HtTx1wffqNseAbZ3vYXvO
and IG: @danhochmanmusic
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:11):
Hi friends and welcome to the Angel Collinson Connection.
My intention for this podcast isfor it to be a place where self
reflection and self-expression become an opening for both you
and me into deeper connection with ourselves, each other and
the natural world. This is a space for identity
(00:32):
alchemy, for swimming in the cauldron of sacred questions,
and for me to be in conversationwith life.
My solo episodes are shaped by my time outdoors where life
speaks to me in stories, patterns and moments of
noticing. When I'm in nature, I feel an
ongoing dialogue, a Co creative exchange that informs the way I
(00:55):
move through the world, listen and offer myself in return.
I'm also fascinated by how others experience this
conversation with life. We each have our own way of
making meaning, drawing connections and relating to the
world around us. Through interviews, I'll explore
these unique perspectives, how people engage with life, what
(01:17):
moves them, and what insights shape their journeys.
My hope is that these conversations spark something,
an aha moment, a shift in perspective, a deepening of
connection to self, others, and the world around us.
I truly believe that healing andtransformation happen through
these connections, and this podcast is my way of standing
(01:40):
for that. Thanks for being along for the
ride. 321 dropping. Hi friends.
Thanks for tuning into another episode on the heels of the last
(02:01):
one about the potential and the power within.
If you haven't listened to it, Iwould go back and listen to it
because it's going to set the precedent for what I want to
talk about here, which is the proclivity of either focusing
too much on love and light or too much on pain, suffering, the
(02:24):
shadow, the dark side. And so I'll start with a couple
stories around why I believe we need them both to inform each
other and why we can't get lost in one or the other that it
won't any way of being for me orany movement or change has to
(02:44):
encompass both the light and thedark and the struggle that it is
to balance the 2. So I'll start out with the story
of yesterday. And we went walking on the
beach. It's beautiful.
It's low tide, the sun's just coming up, it's perfect
temperatures. And the sand, the wet sand just
(03:05):
stretches into the ocean for hundreds of feet.
And you, we're walking up against this, these rock
formations where there's tide pools and little eddies around
them. And it's kind of my favorite
spot to hunt for little crittersor who knows what may be in
there. So we're walking, we're kind of
checking out little fish and stuff.
(03:26):
And I see what looks like this little spider flailing around.
And I was like, Oh, no, he's kind of in the wet sand, not in
the water, but not on dry land. And so I go to kind of give him
a hand, her or her a hand, and it's a baby octopus.
And I was just, I love octopus so much.
(03:47):
So I was just struck with, Oh mygosh, this is so cool.
It's a baby octopus. And so I picked it up to put it
in a better spot, less exposed. I mean, who knows?
I was interfering, right? But this thing is struggling and
kind of getting worked in this sticky, dry sand.
And it was miles away from water.
(04:07):
Not, you know, octopus smiles, baby octopus smiles.
So I picked this baby octopus up.
And I'm just marveling at how cool octopus are and how cool it
is that on this particular morning, I got to see one of my
favorite sea creatures. And I was just, you know,
overcome as we are sometimes with those moments when we see
(04:28):
animals are really amazing natural phenomena.
So we go, we put them in a different tide pool and my day
is officially made. I'm like, I'm complete.
I the rest of the day could just, you know, be a piece of
Doo Doo and I'll be stoked. So later in the day we go to a
beach, a new beach to go surfingand it's too big for me and I'm
(04:51):
feeling pretty tired. So I'm like, you know what?
I'm going to stay on the beach today.
And the spot that we roll up at is filled with trash.
Like, people come, they hang outthere in the shade.
And not only is it trash that people have left behind from
hanging out there, but it's alsothis inlet where a river comes
out and tides come in and it catches a lot of driftwood and
(05:14):
also a lot of trash that washes in from the ocean.
And I'm like, OK, well, I want to clean some of this trash up,
but it's way more trash than we could even fit in our car.
And as I'm picking up the trash,I just start going into a pit of
despair, into a pit of darkness.And I start thinking about how
(05:36):
humanity just sucks sometimes. And I go into this negative
spiral that I have sometimes where I'm like, humans are dumb.
We're destroying the planet and we don't deserve the epic beauty
wonder that it is to be here. And I hope we kill ourselves off
sooner rather than later and leteverything else be so super
(05:57):
dark, right? Sorry if you're just opening up
your day, but I want to speak tothe importance of these moments
and acknowledging them and sitting with them because I do
truly believe in the goodness inpeople.
And I do believe that taking action matters and that we need
(06:20):
to do it. And when I don't take action, if
I were to sit on the beach and not pick up anything, it makes
me feel bad. And the small acts of service
that I can do, I know they're not enough.
But what they do for me as they put me in a state of reciprocity
with the the planet, right? I'm like, thank you for this
(06:43):
awesome beach. Thank you for all these surfing
opportunities. I want to take care of you.
And this is a small way in this moment that I can do that.
And I know that the bigger ways involve pulling bigger lovers
around. How do we engage, you know,
politically and otherwise so that our corporate dollars
aren't spent towards plastic andall of these solutions and
(07:06):
systems that are currently superunsustainable, right?
There's bigger lever levers. And in that moment, what I can
do is pick up the trash. But here's where I went wrong.
I'm picking up the trash. And each piece of trash I pick
up, it's flip flops, it's Crocs,it's baby food containers, you
know, you name it, all sorts of junk.
(07:29):
And I start just going down thisnegativity spiral, which I think
we have to do sometimes. But what I found was the state
in which I was picking up the trash was not a state of
reciprocity or service. It was like really negative,
fear based kind of hateful statetoward humanity.
(07:51):
And like I said, I think it's important to feel those things,
but I don't think that they're the way forward.
And when I am in and actively engaging in an active service, I
want to be doing it from a placeof love.
Like when I'm picking up the trash on the ocean and on the
beach, I want to be like, this is for you, baby octopus.
(08:12):
Thank you for that gift this morning.
Like this is for you. All of these amazing waves that
have filled me up so much duringmy time here.
Thank you. And it's a completely different
state of being. And so I've been really
experimenting with being mindfulwhen I'm doing something that
maybe feels like it's not enough.
Am I doing it from a place of negativity and letting it make
(08:36):
me feel worse and worse, which ultimately D fuels my
motivation? Or am I doing it as like a thank
you planet or thank you to this or etcetera?
I think you get the idea. So I want to bring in Star Wars
again here because in this balance of using our power for
(08:58):
good and if we have this potential within, how do we use
it? And the the dark side is real.
Like there's real evil in the world.
And sometimes I want to give up because I'm like, there's been
evil in humans since the dawn oftime with warring tribes and
cannibalism and human sacrifice.And you know who, we're probably
(09:21):
never going to get away from that.
And it's easy for me to be like,what's the point?
And to just give up and go into despair and complacence or
complicity or whatever, you know, to just be like, well,
excuse my French, fuck it. And I don't think that that's
the way, but I don't think not looking at that is the way
(09:42):
either, right? And so this is where I want to
bring in Star Wars. So as I mentioned on the last
episode, Pete and I had just watched the second episode of
Star Wars in the series where Anakin's kind of a teenager.
You start to see his proclivity towards going dark.
And what makes Anakin such a special character in this movie
(10:03):
is that he has more power or more potential within than any
Jedi they've ever seen. And he has, there's this
prophecy that he could fulfill where it's like the the balance
of the world could be restored and he could be the one to do it
because of this power within. But the tipping point and when
Anakin starts to go dark, it's when he's young and he has to
(10:26):
leave his mother. He doesn't have a great support
system and he's little and he's afraid of what might happen to
her. He's afraid of the world.
And so they keep sensing, you know, I sense great fear in you,
young 1. You know, you must not let your
thoughts go to the negative. And there's sort of this like,
bypassing of his very real fears.
(10:50):
And so you kind of see like in this, he he's not actually, no
one's being like, yeah, let's sit with that.
Like losing your mom is hard andscary.
And then when we go into the third movie, he's a little bit
older. He's more developed.
And the in this third movie in the series is where Anakin fully
(11:15):
goes to the dark side and becomes Darth Vader, right?
So it's fascinating watching himprogress as he's as he's working
his power, as he's starting to understand just how powerful he
is. Simultaneously, he's has fallen
in love with Padme, right, the queen, ex queen of Naboo and and
(11:37):
she's now carrying his child. She's pregnant and he keeps
having these premonitions, whichhe knows are real of that she's
going to die in childbirth. And so he's terrified.
And the what the Jedi sense in him is his fear and his his
anger at like, what what do I doto prevent this?
(11:58):
And their response is you have to remain unattached.
Like, you know, you can't give in to fear and anger.
You have to remain unattached. And you can tell that he doesn't
feel like anyone gets where he'scoming from except for the dark
side. The Darth, Darth Lord Sidious is
(12:19):
the one that's like, hey, I knowyour wife's pregnant.
And if you go to the dark side, you can save her.
You can, you know, learn how to stop death.
And that's ultimately what changes him over to the dark
side is that he wants to save his love and he wants to have
security for his child and his future.
(12:39):
So it comes from this place, histurning towards evil comes from
this place of care and love and not being supported from the
light side, the Jedi of being like, hey, I see that you're
really grappling with this. This is a tough part of life and
let's sit in this pain together because it's very real and we
(13:01):
need to learn how to move through it.
And so in ultimately he chooses the dark side because he wants
to save, but then it eats him alive, right?
And I think this is what I see with like there's the love and
light category of spiritual of the spiritual world.
And then there's like the pessimist nihilist, we're
(13:21):
screwed already. What's the point?
And that can be really easy to give into.
And there's also a sense with the love and the light that it's
like, it's not that simple. It's not going to work that way
and it's not as simple as just coming together over our
differing truths and differencesand finding a way forward.
It's like there's bullies on theplayground right now and I don't
(13:42):
believe the way is to just keep letting the bullies beat up the
little kids or the other kids who can't protect themself.
It's like, how do we meet the bullies?
What's causing the bullies to dothat in the 1st place?
Maybe it's too late for the bullies, but how can we as a
collective humanity hold the space for the pain, have
(14:05):
compassion and call it out in a loving way?
I don't, I don't love the word call out.
I feel like it's really charged and with cancel culture.
But there's I think a way in which we can band together in
the name of fierce love and be like, hey, this planet, what's
(14:26):
happening? Not OK, like and and take a
stand from love, not from hate or spite and pick up the trash
on the beach. Not from a place of hate or
spite, but from a place of like,OK, I love you planet.
I'm going to pick up this trash and I'm going to start really
(14:46):
thinking of ways to leverage howwe can not make plastic anymore
because what are we even doing? And obviously that's a part of a
mega system, right? Food preservation and getting it
to people like, you know, I won't go down the rabbit hole of
plastics and why they're here and what we could do about it.
(15:07):
But obviously you can tell I've been thinking about it a lot as
it's kind of a issue that's so in your face anytime you're
around the ocean now or, or traveling, right, or third world
countries where trash is really prominent.
And so bringing back this kind of Star Wars metaphor, when
(15:29):
Anakin decides like, OK, I, you know what, screw it, I'm going
to the dark side because I can'thandle losing Padme.
Like I just feel so torn apart. I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do with my power, but I know I can use my
power to save her. And I need that for myself and
also for her because I love her.And then he loses himself in it.
(15:50):
And Obi Wan at the end meets himwith love.
He tries like, he's been sent bythe Jedi force to assassinate
Anakin. Once they realize Anakin has
gone dark and Obi Wan was, you know, Anakin's teacher trainer,
and Obi Wan's trying, he's like,hey, come back.
There's another way. Like, don't do this.
(16:11):
But Anakin's too far gone. And it's this, you know,
painstaking scene where it's like Obi Wan ends up, you know,
cutting him down and amputating him and leaving him out to die
because Anakin has the power to destroy the world, you know, And
you can just see the way it tears Obi Wan's heart apart.
But I'm like, what if? What if someone actually, what
(16:31):
if Obi Wan really made space forAnakin's pain?
And they sat with it? And they're like, yeah, it
fucking sucks. And the world needs us to be
able to move through the pain and choose the bigger light
always. Would that have worked?
I don't know. So in can, in a kind of the
(16:53):
conclusive part of this podcast episode, you know, I've been
speaking to the very real dark side out there, the questions of
like, how do we meet it? How do we acknowledge it?
It's really important that we acknowledge it and not just
focus on La La, la, la, la love and light, love and light
(17:13):
because that's great. We need that.
And we can't have just one or just the other.
Like they need to be looked at and integrated and honored, both
of them, right? And in healing circles, too, I
see people will get when they'relike, OK, in order to heal, I
need to hold, you know, I need to make space for the pain.
(17:35):
I need to look at the trauma. I need to look at what's not
working. And in the world, it's like,
yes, we need to look at what's not working, but it can be a
easy to get stuck in the cycle of focusing on what's not
working and healing and focusingon on what's not working and
healing on healing that. And I feel really strongly about
(18:00):
the power of joy and hope, not as an antidote, but as a fuel,
as a really necessary fuel for our life.
And what I've been feeling so clearly down here is the joy
that I experienced from being inthe natural world and from DJing
and from music. That's what makes it so I want
(18:24):
to keep showing up. And the pain informs the things
that I care about the most, right?
The environment is kind of my primary one and there's that
saying whatever breaks your heart the most that you see in
the world, whatever breaks your heart the most, that's the thing
you're here to fight for. So for me, it's the environment
is a big one and bringing it back to easy to get focused on
(18:50):
what's not working and joy and hope as motivation.
It's like consciously cultivating those so that we
have the capacity is an act of revolution.
It's an act of resistance and I just see the necessity for both,
for the devotion, deep devotion to filling our cup with joy
(19:16):
while being able to have the capacity to hold the pain and
the suffering, but not getting stuck there, not focusing on not
letting it pull us into a dark hole.
The balance, balance is really hard, super hard for me.
I've, if I like am on my deathbed and I'm like, wow, I've
(19:41):
reached balance. I will be absolutely amazed.
I feel like I sort of ping pong between the two.
All that to say, in somatic work, in trauma healing work,
there's this idea of resourcing,and resourcing is around
cultivating a positive. Form of energy, basically so
(20:06):
that we can heal, so that we canmend or repair or move forward.
And I believe joy is such an important resource and that we
need it in order to continue to fuel the flame of hope.
(20:27):
And that community and loved ones and friends, they can help
us in all of it. They can help us with the
celebrations and the joy and thedoing things and the filling the
cup. And they can also help us to sit
with the hard parts of being human and looking at the parts
of the world that are just like man.
(20:47):
So it's both. And yeah, I just, I really
wanted to follow up that last episode and clarify that love
and light are important. I don't think they're the whole
picture. And I also think it's easy to
get stuck in a trap of despair or negativity or what's the
point or power and greed. And I'm just going to look out
(21:10):
for myself. And that's all I have the
capacity for, which is also veryreal.
You know, I wanted to do this podcast because these things are
so complex and nuanced, and I wish I could solve them in a
podcast episode. I find myself like, kind of
trying to solve it as I'm walking on the beach and
thinking of recording these episodes.
But yeah, if I could solve it ina podcast episode, that'd be
(21:32):
sick. Obviously.
So complicated the world and so deeply nuanced.
And I just, it's helpful for me as a person to be able to speak
about these things in a way here.
And that's the first and foremost thing is that I'm doing
this so that I can find a way tospeak about them in the world in
(21:55):
hopes that it also resonates andmakes whoever is listening be
like, I feel that too. So I'll wrap it up here.
Thank you for listening. I hope you have a wonderful day
and don't give in to the dark side.
It's worth it. Keep going.
Hi friends and welcome to the Angel Collinson Connection.
My intention for this podcast isfor it to be a place where self
reflection and self-expression become an opening for both you
and me into deeper connection with ourselves, each other and
the natural world. This is a space for identity
(00:32):
alchemy, for swimming in the cauldron of sacred questions,
and for me to be in conversationwith life.
My solo episodes are shaped by my time outdoors where life
speaks to me in stories, patterns and moments of
noticing. When I'm in nature, I feel an
ongoing dialogue, a Co creative exchange that informs the way I
(00:55):
move through the world, listen and offer myself in return.
I'm also fascinated by how others experience this
conversation with life. We each have our own way of
making meaning, drawing connections and relating to the
world around us. Through interviews, I'll explore
these unique perspectives, how people engage with life, what
(01:17):
moves them, and what insights shape their journeys.
My hope is that these conversations spark something,
an aha moment, a shift in perspective, a deepening of
connection to self, others, and the world around us.
I truly believe that healing andtransformation happen through
these connections, and this podcast is my way of standing
(01:40):
for that. Thanks for being along for the
ride. 321 dropping. Hi friends.
Thanks for tuning into another episode on the heels of the last
(02:01):
one about the potential and the power within.
If you haven't listened to it, Iwould go back and listen to it
because it's going to set the precedent for what I want to
talk about here, which is the proclivity of either focusing
too much on love and light or too much on pain, suffering, the
(02:24):
shadow, the dark side. And so I'll start with a couple
stories around why I believe we need them both to inform each
other and why we can't get lost in one or the other that it
won't any way of being for me orany movement or change has to
(02:44):
encompass both the light and thedark and the struggle that it is
to balance the 2. So I'll start out with the story
of yesterday. And we went walking on the
beach. It's beautiful.
It's low tide, the sun's just coming up, it's perfect
temperatures. And the sand, the wet sand just
(03:05):
stretches into the ocean for hundreds of feet.
And you, we're walking up against this, these rock
formations where there's tide pools and little eddies around
them. And it's kind of my favorite
spot to hunt for little crittersor who knows what may be in
there. So we're walking, we're kind of
checking out little fish and stuff.
(03:26):
And I see what looks like this little spider flailing around.
And I was like, Oh, no, he's kind of in the wet sand, not in
the water, but not on dry land. And so I go to kind of give him
a hand, her or her a hand, and it's a baby octopus.
And I was just, I love octopus so much.
(03:47):
So I was just struck with, Oh mygosh, this is so cool.
It's a baby octopus. And so I picked it up to put it
in a better spot, less exposed. I mean, who knows?
I was interfering, right? But this thing is struggling and
kind of getting worked in this sticky, dry sand.
And it was miles away from water.
(04:07):
Not, you know, octopus smiles, baby octopus smiles.
So I picked this baby octopus up.
And I'm just marveling at how cool octopus are and how cool it
is that on this particular morning, I got to see one of my
favorite sea creatures. And I was just, you know,
overcome as we are sometimes with those moments when we see
(04:28):
animals are really amazing natural phenomena.
So we go, we put them in a different tide pool and my day
is officially made. I'm like, I'm complete.
I the rest of the day could just, you know, be a piece of
Doo Doo and I'll be stoked. So later in the day we go to a
beach, a new beach to go surfingand it's too big for me and I'm
(04:51):
feeling pretty tired. So I'm like, you know what?
I'm going to stay on the beach today.
And the spot that we roll up at is filled with trash.
Like, people come, they hang outthere in the shade.
And not only is it trash that people have left behind from
hanging out there, but it's alsothis inlet where a river comes
out and tides come in and it catches a lot of driftwood and
(05:14):
also a lot of trash that washes in from the ocean.
And I'm like, OK, well, I want to clean some of this trash up,
but it's way more trash than we could even fit in our car.
And as I'm picking up the trash,I just start going into a pit of
despair, into a pit of darkness.And I start thinking about how
(05:36):
humanity just sucks sometimes. And I go into this negative
spiral that I have sometimes where I'm like, humans are dumb.
We're destroying the planet and we don't deserve the epic beauty
wonder that it is to be here. And I hope we kill ourselves off
sooner rather than later and leteverything else be so super
(05:57):
dark, right? Sorry if you're just opening up
your day, but I want to speak tothe importance of these moments
and acknowledging them and sitting with them because I do
truly believe in the goodness inpeople.
And I do believe that taking action matters and that we need
(06:20):
to do it. And when I don't take action, if
I were to sit on the beach and not pick up anything, it makes
me feel bad. And the small acts of service
that I can do, I know they're not enough.
But what they do for me as they put me in a state of reciprocity
with the the planet, right? I'm like, thank you for this
(06:43):
awesome beach. Thank you for all these surfing
opportunities. I want to take care of you.
And this is a small way in this moment that I can do that.
And I know that the bigger ways involve pulling bigger lovers
around. How do we engage, you know,
politically and otherwise so that our corporate dollars
aren't spent towards plastic andall of these solutions and
(07:06):
systems that are currently superunsustainable, right?
There's bigger lever levers. And in that moment, what I can
do is pick up the trash. But here's where I went wrong.
I'm picking up the trash. And each piece of trash I pick
up, it's flip flops, it's Crocs,it's baby food containers, you
know, you name it, all sorts of junk.
(07:29):
And I start just going down thisnegativity spiral, which I think
we have to do sometimes. But what I found was the state
in which I was picking up the trash was not a state of
reciprocity or service. It was like really negative,
fear based kind of hateful statetoward humanity.
(07:51):
And like I said, I think it's important to feel those things,
but I don't think that they're the way forward.
And when I am in and actively engaging in an active service, I
want to be doing it from a placeof love.
Like when I'm picking up the trash on the ocean and on the
beach, I want to be like, this is for you, baby octopus.
(08:12):
Thank you for that gift this morning.
Like this is for you. All of these amazing waves that
have filled me up so much duringmy time here.
Thank you. And it's a completely different
state of being. And so I've been really
experimenting with being mindfulwhen I'm doing something that
maybe feels like it's not enough.
Am I doing it from a place of negativity and letting it make
(08:36):
me feel worse and worse, which ultimately D fuels my
motivation? Or am I doing it as like a thank
you planet or thank you to this or etcetera?
I think you get the idea. So I want to bring in Star Wars
again here because in this balance of using our power for
(08:58):
good and if we have this potential within, how do we use
it? And the the dark side is real.
Like there's real evil in the world.
And sometimes I want to give up because I'm like, there's been
evil in humans since the dawn oftime with warring tribes and
cannibalism and human sacrifice.And you know who, we're probably
(09:21):
never going to get away from that.
And it's easy for me to be like,what's the point?
And to just give up and go into despair and complacence or
complicity or whatever, you know, to just be like, well,
excuse my French, fuck it. And I don't think that that's
the way, but I don't think not looking at that is the way
(09:42):
either, right? And so this is where I want to
bring in Star Wars. So as I mentioned on the last
episode, Pete and I had just watched the second episode of
Star Wars in the series where Anakin's kind of a teenager.
You start to see his proclivity towards going dark.
And what makes Anakin such a special character in this movie
(10:03):
is that he has more power or more potential within than any
Jedi they've ever seen. And he has, there's this
prophecy that he could fulfill where it's like the the balance
of the world could be restored and he could be the one to do it
because of this power within. But the tipping point and when
Anakin starts to go dark, it's when he's young and he has to
(10:26):
leave his mother. He doesn't have a great support
system and he's little and he's afraid of what might happen to
her. He's afraid of the world.
And so they keep sensing, you know, I sense great fear in you,
young 1. You know, you must not let your
thoughts go to the negative. And there's sort of this like,
bypassing of his very real fears.
(10:50):
And so you kind of see like in this, he he's not actually, no
one's being like, yeah, let's sit with that.
Like losing your mom is hard andscary.
And then when we go into the third movie, he's a little bit
older. He's more developed.
And the in this third movie in the series is where Anakin fully
(11:15):
goes to the dark side and becomes Darth Vader, right?
So it's fascinating watching himprogress as he's as he's working
his power, as he's starting to understand just how powerful he
is. Simultaneously, he's has fallen
in love with Padme, right, the queen, ex queen of Naboo and and
(11:37):
she's now carrying his child. She's pregnant and he keeps
having these premonitions, whichhe knows are real of that she's
going to die in childbirth. And so he's terrified.
And the what the Jedi sense in him is his fear and his his
anger at like, what what do I doto prevent this?
(11:58):
And their response is you have to remain unattached.
Like, you know, you can't give in to fear and anger.
You have to remain unattached. And you can tell that he doesn't
feel like anyone gets where he'scoming from except for the dark
side. The Darth, Darth Lord Sidious is
(12:19):
the one that's like, hey, I knowyour wife's pregnant.
And if you go to the dark side, you can save her.
You can, you know, learn how to stop death.
And that's ultimately what changes him over to the dark
side is that he wants to save his love and he wants to have
security for his child and his future.
(12:39):
So it comes from this place, histurning towards evil comes from
this place of care and love and not being supported from the
light side, the Jedi of being like, hey, I see that you're
really grappling with this. This is a tough part of life and
let's sit in this pain together because it's very real and we
(13:01):
need to learn how to move through it.
And so in ultimately he chooses the dark side because he wants
to save, but then it eats him alive, right?
And I think this is what I see with like there's the love and
light category of spiritual of the spiritual world.
And then there's like the pessimist nihilist, we're
(13:21):
screwed already. What's the point?
And that can be really easy to give into.
And there's also a sense with the love and the light that it's
like, it's not that simple. It's not going to work that way
and it's not as simple as just coming together over our
differing truths and differencesand finding a way forward.
It's like there's bullies on theplayground right now and I don't
(13:42):
believe the way is to just keep letting the bullies beat up the
little kids or the other kids who can't protect themself.
It's like, how do we meet the bullies?
What's causing the bullies to dothat in the 1st place?
Maybe it's too late for the bullies, but how can we as a
collective humanity hold the space for the pain, have
(14:05):
compassion and call it out in a loving way?
I don't, I don't love the word call out.
I feel like it's really charged and with cancel culture.
But there's I think a way in which we can band together in
the name of fierce love and be like, hey, this planet, what's
(14:26):
happening? Not OK, like and and take a
stand from love, not from hate or spite and pick up the trash
on the beach. Not from a place of hate or
spite, but from a place of like,OK, I love you planet.
I'm going to pick up this trash and I'm going to start really
(14:46):
thinking of ways to leverage howwe can not make plastic anymore
because what are we even doing? And obviously that's a part of a
mega system, right? Food preservation and getting it
to people like, you know, I won't go down the rabbit hole of
plastics and why they're here and what we could do about it.
(15:07):
But obviously you can tell I've been thinking about it a lot as
it's kind of a issue that's so in your face anytime you're
around the ocean now or, or traveling, right, or third world
countries where trash is really prominent.
And so bringing back this kind of Star Wars metaphor, when
(15:29):
Anakin decides like, OK, I, you know what, screw it, I'm going
to the dark side because I can'thandle losing Padme.
Like I just feel so torn apart. I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do with my power, but I know I can use my
power to save her. And I need that for myself and
also for her because I love her.And then he loses himself in it.
(15:50):
And Obi Wan at the end meets himwith love.
He tries like, he's been sent bythe Jedi force to assassinate
Anakin. Once they realize Anakin has
gone dark and Obi Wan was, you know, Anakin's teacher trainer,
and Obi Wan's trying, he's like,hey, come back.
There's another way. Like, don't do this.
(16:11):
But Anakin's too far gone. And it's this, you know,
painstaking scene where it's like Obi Wan ends up, you know,
cutting him down and amputating him and leaving him out to die
because Anakin has the power to destroy the world, you know, And
you can just see the way it tears Obi Wan's heart apart.
But I'm like, what if? What if someone actually, what
(16:31):
if Obi Wan really made space forAnakin's pain?
And they sat with it? And they're like, yeah, it
fucking sucks. And the world needs us to be
able to move through the pain and choose the bigger light
always. Would that have worked?
I don't know. So in can, in a kind of the
(16:53):
conclusive part of this podcast episode, you know, I've been
speaking to the very real dark side out there, the questions of
like, how do we meet it? How do we acknowledge it?
It's really important that we acknowledge it and not just
focus on La La, la, la, la love and light, love and light
(17:13):
because that's great. We need that.
And we can't have just one or just the other.
Like they need to be looked at and integrated and honored, both
of them, right? And in healing circles, too, I
see people will get when they'relike, OK, in order to heal, I
need to hold, you know, I need to make space for the pain.
(17:35):
I need to look at the trauma. I need to look at what's not
working. And in the world, it's like,
yes, we need to look at what's not working, but it can be a
easy to get stuck in the cycle of focusing on what's not
working and healing and focusingon on what's not working and
healing on healing that. And I feel really strongly about
(18:00):
the power of joy and hope, not as an antidote, but as a fuel,
as a really necessary fuel for our life.
And what I've been feeling so clearly down here is the joy
that I experienced from being inthe natural world and from DJing
and from music. That's what makes it so I want
(18:24):
to keep showing up. And the pain informs the things
that I care about the most, right?
The environment is kind of my primary one and there's that
saying whatever breaks your heart the most that you see in
the world, whatever breaks your heart the most, that's the thing
you're here to fight for. So for me, it's the environment
is a big one and bringing it back to easy to get focused on
(18:50):
what's not working and joy and hope as motivation.
It's like consciously cultivating those so that we
have the capacity is an act of revolution.
It's an act of resistance and I just see the necessity for both,
for the devotion, deep devotion to filling our cup with joy
(19:16):
while being able to have the capacity to hold the pain and
the suffering, but not getting stuck there, not focusing on not
letting it pull us into a dark hole.
The balance, balance is really hard, super hard for me.
I've, if I like am on my deathbed and I'm like, wow, I've
(19:41):
reached balance. I will be absolutely amazed.
I feel like I sort of ping pong between the two.
All that to say, in somatic work, in trauma healing work,
there's this idea of resourcing,and resourcing is around
cultivating a positive. Form of energy, basically so
(20:06):
that we can heal, so that we canmend or repair or move forward.
And I believe joy is such an important resource and that we
need it in order to continue to fuel the flame of hope.
(20:27):
And that community and loved ones and friends, they can help
us in all of it. They can help us with the
celebrations and the joy and thedoing things and the filling the
cup. And they can also help us to sit
with the hard parts of being human and looking at the parts
of the world that are just like man.
(20:47):
So it's both. And yeah, I just, I really
wanted to follow up that last episode and clarify that love
and light are important. I don't think they're the whole
picture. And I also think it's easy to
get stuck in a trap of despair or negativity or what's the
point or power and greed. And I'm just going to look out
(21:10):
for myself. And that's all I have the
capacity for, which is also veryreal.
You know, I wanted to do this podcast because these things are
so complex and nuanced, and I wish I could solve them in a
podcast episode. I find myself like, kind of
trying to solve it as I'm walking on the beach and
thinking of recording these episodes.
But yeah, if I could solve it ina podcast episode, that'd be
(21:32):
sick. Obviously.
So complicated the world and so deeply nuanced.
And I just, it's helpful for me as a person to be able to speak
about these things in a way here.
And that's the first and foremost thing is that I'm doing
this so that I can find a way tospeak about them in the world in
(21:55):
hopes that it also resonates andmakes whoever is listening be
like, I feel that too. So I'll wrap it up here.
Thank you for listening. I hope you have a wonderful day
and don't give in to the dark side.
It's worth it. Keep going.
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