And legally we have to...

Ruth and Steph talk all the legals about getting married with Felicity McShane from Fusion Elements. She tells about finding out she wasn't legally married and shares with us tales including a bridal gown mishap... all mixed in with some fun celebrity celebrants!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Welcome to the bridal brief. My name is Stephanie Fitzpatrick
from Beautiful Illusions Event Styling.
And Ruth Ryan from Ruth Ryan Photography.
The purpose of the Bridal Brief is to help you before, on and
after your wedding day with our advice.
Plus bringing on a few friends along the way.
And we're back again, Ruth. Yay, here we are, We are here.

(00:20):
I always have my little yay at the beginning.
Yes, I love it. I love the yay.
US. Oh, what are we going to talk
about today? What to tell?
Well, some may say it's not the funnest subject, the legal side
of things, but you know, it's it's a necessary evil.
A bit like the budgeting 1. Everyone needs to know what they
legally have to do. Well, that's right.

(00:42):
Otherwise, you know, you're not actually getting married.
Yeah, that's. Right.
So today we're going to talk about obviously the legalities
of getting married, civil celebrant versus ordained
minister, celebrity celebrants. We got a couple of funny
marriage laws from around the world and today we also have

(01:02):
with us. Felicity from Fusion Elements.
Felicity McShane welcome. Yay.
Lovely to be here with you ladies.
Thank you. She is a wonderful celebrant.
I know I had her for my wedding.You did.
I did. She's great.
Yes, amazing. And she is going to help us walk
through this, this tunnel with you.
Yeah, yes. There's lots of legalities to

(01:24):
get married in Australia. There is, right, There is, Yes,
there is. But we will cover a few things
around the world a little bit. So it's not all gonna be about
Australia today. Yeah, that, yes, right.
But but first we wanna know. About Felicity, don't we
realise? But hang on Richie, you didn't
have a celebrant, did you? No, we had a priest.
We had a Catholic priest. Yeah.

(01:45):
And how was that? No, it was fine.
It was good. Did you have to do special stuff
because of that? Like we had to go down and we
had to do a course, like a shortcourse beforehand, like a
marriage pre counsel. You made it through that made
managed to make it through. And then we had a couple of
meetings with him as well, whichwas nice.
We went over some of the the quotes and things that we wanted

(02:07):
to. Add into the day.
Oh, that's nice. Which was nice.
Lovely. Yeah, he was great.
OK, now it's your turn. Felicity, we don't wanna hear
all about your wedding story. Yeah, we like to hear.
We like to hear the wedding. Story we do.
And feel free to throw in the quick proposal story if need, if
it's me too. If it's not good, you don't need

(02:28):
to add it. Yeah, that's it.
Well, I said yes, so it must have been a little bit good.
Yes. Yes.
Oh, look, I think my story is very different to a lot of
people out there who have the big elaborate engagement parties
and things like that. We had families sprawled out all
over Australia. So when we got engaged, family
knew about it before I did. I was taken by surprise and we
went out for a lovely dinner to just celebrate the birth of our

(02:50):
little niece at the time, and then I got thrown a ring and
asked whether or not I'd like tobe married.
And that's nice. No family went there, it was
just us. We just went out for dinner and
got applied for the alcohol and then went for a walk through.
Actually when you said and then I got thrown a ring, I literally
pictured him like throwing it atyou.
No, no, no I shouldn't. I I pictured like a fag over

(03:14):
your head and getting dragged into a van but.
No, no, I should have actually probably used a better choice of
words there. I love it I.
Picked a ring out that I really wanted to go and buy for myself.
Actually, I'd got a promotion atwork and when I went to pay for
it the ring had disappeared and Hamster had gone and paid for it
and had it for about 6 months before he actually asked me a

(03:35):
little bugger. Oh.
That's totally devastating first, isn't it, the.
Highs and lows of. A proposal?
Yeah. I went back to the lady in the
shop and apologised profusely the next day with my ring on my
finger. Yeah.
Did she know she that it was foryou?
Yeah, she did. Unfortunately, I wasn't too nice
to her when I went back, right, Just because I thought it was a

(03:56):
bit unprofessional. She'd sold the ring that I was
gonna buy and she'd put away forme.
Oh no, I'm glad you got. Back and apologised.
That's nice. Yeah, it took a nice little
bunch of flowers. Oh, that's so sweet.
Oh. Yeah, it was feisty back in the
day. It was quite still feisty.
Now people pull it together as well.
Oh, that's nice. And what about your wedding?

(04:17):
Oh. Look, we had been together for
over three years and we'd lost afew family members that were
really important to us in the time we were engaged.
So we decided to just get it, get it all over and done with.
We got married Interstate withinsix months of our engagement.
So I planned an Interstate wedding, found a dress, grabbed
my bride tribe, my best friend at the time and my sister were

(04:40):
my bridesmaids. And yeah, we just made it happen
in a little winery area of SA, so we made everyone travel.
It was lovely, like a Lincoln. Allotment.
No, it wasn't allotment. It was a destination wedding.
We made it because we had familyfrom everywhere.
We only had family at our wedding, so we pretty much made
it. Everyone had to travel.
We were all together for the full week.

(05:01):
Yep, We organised tours around the region and just spent lots
of time together. It was fun.
Actually, it was lots of fun. We still hold the record for the
most alcohol consumed in the District at a wedding, courtesy
of my husband's family. Felicity.
Maybe I'll never tell. Yeah, we had a great time.
That's good. But when you really think about

(05:22):
what you need at a wedding, thatto us, I mean, I got married 21
years ago, so it was very different.
Back in the day, you didn't get a choice in picking your
celebrant. It went with the one in the
district. Yeah.
And that's how you got your date.
And then you went and found yourvenue.
Then you got your photography inplace and it snowballed from
there pretty much. So your celebrant was local to
that region though, Clearly. Yeah.

(05:43):
Yeah. So did you meet them before the
wedding? Only on the phone.
I met them the day before the wedding to sign off on all the
documentation. We'd gone back and forth with
Justice of the Peace Services tomake sure that all the
legalities are in place. Right.
Yeah. Other than that, we met her on
the day and she couldn't wait toget the hell out of there
Afterwards. She had a British game.
It is a little bit a British game, regional Australia.

(06:06):
What can I say? Oh.
Yes, the old fashioned ones lovethat.
Love that. Yeah, So you're you're a
celibate. I am.
Why do you love your job? Why?
What brings you to celibacy? I'm a bit of a little misfix it
in my world, and six years into our marriage, my husband and I
discovered we weren't legally married.
Oh, she needs to tell this. Story Hey now let's rewind and

(06:29):
go back. This is.
Yeah. Yes, yes, it looked like a duck.
It cracked like a duck. It was a duck.
So on our wedding day, our celebrant finished up our
wedding, went off and did her own thing and never registered
our marriage. So as a celebrant we've got 14
days after which the ceremony takes place to make sure that
the marriage is registered with the birthdays and marriages in

(06:53):
per state. So what had happened is she just
didn't register the marriage andI used my pretty.
Little certificate that the. Celebrant gave me in the
ceremony to go and change my name, so for six years I was
none the wiser. I never applied for my official
certificate from birthdays and marriages and it wasn't until
we're taking our kids on an overseas holiday and I needed to
update my passport that we discovered married.

(07:13):
She's so busy off playing bridge.
Yeah, pretty much. So what happens now?
Like what happens after that? Well, what happened, my
situation is very different because back then that was when
Internet became quite a big thing and online identity theft
was starting to take place. So it was flagged with the
federal police as a potential identity theft.
So I was investigated for assuming an illegal identity and

(07:35):
then using that illegal identityto then go into fraud government
departments and banking institutions.
So. Sorry, what?
Right. Yeah.
So one thing I always say to my couples is I make you apply for
your certificate after your marriage.
And in that way, you know, I've done my job because in a court
of law you've got your witness statements, you've got your

(07:56):
proof, which is your photography.
I always say that my couples invest in really good
photography so that you've got proof that you were at a
wedding. That's really important because
everything else is completely inadmissible in a court of law.
Wow. So yeah, it's pretty crazy,
isn't it? Pretty crazy.
Yeah. Sorry, little mistakes it I just
went. I'm not going to let that happen
to anyone else. And good idea.

(08:18):
Here I am today, 15 years later,loving it.
I love that. That's a great way of getting
into it. Yeah, yeah.
And it's I've made it a career as well.
Like it's not something that I just do for a job.
It's something that has chosen me and I love it 'cause I get to
tell people's stories and I get to reflect with them and I get
to see how their their creativity and their
personalities come through theirceremonies and oh, that's it's

(08:41):
really special. And you're there with them on
the happiest day of their life. I think that's lately, that's
what a lot of us wedding vendors, I think, love about our
job. Yeah.
You know. I'm not with them, no.
What do you get to help their space look pretty When they do?
I get that bit and. It's the best job in the world
because I get to see everybody'sreaction from the place that I

(09:02):
get to stand at the top with thegroom and yeah, the brides or
whoever's there. It's the best best place in the
whole. Yeah, that's true.
Do you have any funny wedding stories?
Yeah, yeah. 15 years worth. Other than your own, by the
sounds. Of it, you're my own.
I think the funniest day I've ever had.
It was during the September festival that they have here in

(09:23):
Brisbane and it was river fire and it was the actual day where
they do all the flybys with the F eighteens.
This is going back a while. Yeah.
And I have this beautiful bride,and we're at Shafts and House
right there on the river. Oh, right there on the river.
Right there. Beautiful spot.
Yep. And she had this beautiful
strapless Princess dress on. And she was quite larger at the
top. And she had these big chunky
heels on. And to get down to where we were

(09:45):
for the ceremony, she had to walk down a few steps and then
do a 90° turn and her heels caught in her hoop underneath
her dress. And her dress came down just as
she hit the base of the steps. No, so, no.
So the the girls are out. Oh no.
Everyone's grinded. Up and looking at her so

(10:05):
everyone had full view she's just tucked these she's just
tucked the girls back in tucked them in hiked up a dress and
just fanged it down that aisle and she's come up and and I've
asked everyone to just take their seat and move kids and
music down and I'm like are you OK She's like Yep let's just get
on with it and pretend that never happened.
I went can do and then we got them married.

(10:26):
So that's probably the funniest thing.
I've probably wouldn't have to the wedding, but it's.
Really sad it's. Horrible.
It's a picture with the kids, like in shock, love.
Did. They know ohhh.
Yeah, they know. It was it all the way.
It was down. It was like it was.
Yeah. It was she Really.
No. Steps the wedding let's like we
should ban steps at weddings. Yeah, either that or just have
someone there to kind of catch you as you're falling down them.

(10:48):
Always make sure someone walks in front of you.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the bridesmaids are
already in full place the position because they wanted to
see her. What about the dad?
Dad Dad helped her and just kindof sheltered her a bit once he
realised what was going on but. There I had to help my dad down
the aisle, not the other way around.
Lucky I didn't have to strap my stress.
Tears and that happened. That was beautiful.
It was beautiful it. Was so lovely.

(11:10):
Ohh. But yeah, this one, I think you
know, poor grandma, Yeah. I'm actually still in contact
with that couple. They've got 4 kids now and they
live love and life. Yeah.
Yeah, I bet they do. They have a laugh at it now,
yeah. That image is in the grooms head
forever more I feel like. I feel like I might run back
inside if that happened to me. Good.
She was pretty mortified, but she's like, you know what?

(11:32):
She just owned it. Yeah.
Yeah. And I think if you can just own
it and just move on, that's amazing.
It makes for a great event. Yeah, that's great.
Really does. Yeah, So you don't just do
weddings, you also do funerals. Yeah.
What was that done at the same time?
Like like a hell or like what made you take that step?
Yeah. So I guess for me, I've never

(11:53):
wanted to just pigeonhole myself.
I'll use the word pigeonhole because there's a lot of people
out there that really love what they do and that becomes a be
all and end all of their world. Whereas to me, I always look for
that extra. For me, it's it's I like to be
able to give where I can give really.
So for me, I got into funerals probably 10 years ago and it was

(12:16):
just basically due to a personalexperience that I'd had with a
professional. And I just figured that, you
know, again, a little mistakes it in me came out and I thought
that the way a few of the different situations had been
handled could have been handled a bit more professionally.
So with the training that I'd previously had as part of my
celebrancy course, it just seemed the right time for me to

(12:37):
take that step and move into that space and offer those
services to families that reallyneeded it at the time.
Yeah, that's lovely. Yeah.
Definitely. I mean weddings and M sing at
the time were pretty huge for meas well.
Like I do the M sing at weddingsI love.
I love staying for the after party, I call it, because that's
where I can really get all the Goss from all the family members
and throw it back at you at yourreception.

(12:59):
So that's lots of fun. Did you do?
That to me, I did a little bit, but yeah, I gave, I gave written
a couple of the people that would speak.
Is that not a few few stories? Great, great.
Excellent. No, that's wonderful.
Yeah, that is great. Yeah.
So what's the most common term or condition that people don't

(13:19):
read? I guess with your.
Oh, with our terms and. Conditions in terms and
conditions, yeah. Do people just not delve into it
as much as they probably should?We just.
Like to highlight these things that people should have, but
they're in the fine print and, you know, and they don't notice
it and then they go, oh, I didn't know that what was in the

(13:40):
terms and conditions? Look, I, I guess it's really
important to make sure that you've covered off absolutely
everything. As a celebrant.
We kind of fit into the middle of the day.
We're not we, we've got a time it so that we are with people
ready to get married and then itthey step straight into their
reception with the timings of everything happening afterwards
as well. So with the terms and

(14:01):
conditions, it's important that we've got like arrival times,
we've got backup plans for wet weather, backup plans for
illness postponements. We've got force majeure if we
end up with pandemics again, hopefully that'll never happen.
So there's a lot that we have totake into consideration and we
step our couples through every single time we're having in
meetings with them. Usually I do it in the

(14:23):
introductory meeting because theterms and conditions spell out
your expectations for the coupleas well as what their
expectations of you will be. And that's when we talk about
packaging, what's involved, what's inclusive, what's
excluded, what actually has to take place legally.
And then you've got to take intoconsideration the fact that

(14:43):
we've got to abide by copyright laws, we've got insurances in
place, we've got our equipment. So there's a lot of the terms
and conditions. When we're thinking about
different things and talking to our couples, we've got to take
that into consideration and communicate that effectively
with them. So everything that we discussed
in our meetings is always backedup on email and it's always the
terms and conditions are set outin black and white like a

(15:04):
contract. Yes, Yeah.
Can I ask a question then? You said that you apply for the
marriage licence for them. That's is that a common thing
for celebrants to do or you saidthat that didn't happen for you.
But is it nowadays? Is it common for celebrants to
do that, or should people be worried that that could happen

(15:24):
to them? I think these days it's a lot
different. We've come a long way since the
old paper trail and the snail mail situation that I had to
experience for myself. Most birthdays and marriages
within Australia now have the online portals for celebrants to
be able to access to upload and register all weddings.
We have that opportunity at thattime because we've already cited

(15:47):
the identification. We've identified that they live
at a particular address and whatthat actually helps us do is
just tick a box for them to apply for their actual marriage
certificate. We can then put in their details
to say where the marriage certificate will go.
And then once birthdays and marriages have actually
registered the marriage, we get a email stating that marriage is

(16:09):
now completed and registered. And they get an email stating
that the marriage is now completed and registered.
To click on the link and just pay for their official
certificate and obtain it that way and it gets sent direct to
them. Great.
Yeah, it just handles. It's quite common.
Most celebrants will do it, but there's a few celebrants out
there that, you know, depending on where they live, it might not

(16:30):
suit their couples. OK.
I mean, for instance, if I marrya couple in SA, I have to go
through the South Australian birthdays and marriages.
It's state by state. So depending on where they live,
if they live overseas, it's a bit different.
They just have to put in a different address and postage
may cost a bit more and things like that.
OK Yeah, some people decide, no,I'll apply for it myself.

(16:52):
They prefer to do it that way and or they can't, they can't
wait because they've got to go overseas and they've got to
change their name out quickly because they're having a baby or
whatever the case may be. And then that way they can just
go into birth. There's some marriages after the
registration's taken place and just grab it straight away, OK?
Yeah. So there's always options.
OK. Yeah.
That's great. Next up, we're going to look at

(17:12):
some celebrity wedding celebrities.
Celebrities. We like our celebrities, so
these are actually celebrities that are celebrants.
This is so yeah. Can I start?
Yes you can. Yeah, because I want to talk
about this because Barack Obama,so he's officiated the wedding
of two of the White House staff and was groomsmen for two of the

(17:34):
others. Can I just say if you your boss,
is that cool? Yeah, like, yeah, You know, if
your boss is Barack Obama, you let him.
I mean, obviously he's celebrated for your wedding.
And to have him as groomsman, he's obviously a nice guy.
You're not gonna have a horriblebot side.
No, that's right. Yeah, so I love that.
Yeah, his chief of defence. Does he even have to do

(17:56):
efficient stuff? Like the online for.
Studying. Why don't you'd imagine just
kind of passed enough? Yeah, I mean.
Yeah. Is he like?
Captain on a boat I was. About to say that.
Yeah, yes. Like they get to do it all as
well. Is that the same in Australia or
is that sort of? I see it in America, but captain
on a boat, Yeah, sure. What?

(18:17):
Is as far as I know they can. Didn't someone comes under?
Oh, I don't know. But you just don't know whether
that's real or not or is that, Yeah.
Yeah, I think there's certain within the Marriage Act, there's
particular sections within that they can actually working with
it. Yeah, right.
Yeah. See, that's great.
Yeah. So I even need to do go to

(18:38):
Antarctica because she'll get a snow.
Yeah. Well, it's maybe the different
kind of snow that she's asked. Her daughter, my daughter, she,
she just really wants like a white wedding, like a snowy
wedding. I think she just wants to wear
the big white shore, right? She could.
Do that and then Antarctica and have the Panicas didn't do.
It Canada's maybe a little bit better than Antarctica, I think
she could still make had a. White wedding in Canada.
Alaska. Yeah, Alaska, Yeah.

(18:59):
Oh, very nice, right? Yeah, I feel like, I mean, you
know, there are boats that go upin New Zealand.
She wants like the, you know, the the wooden cabin with the
pine trees that are covered in snow.
You know that, Lord? Bounce.
You know what it sounds like? Expensive.
It does sound very expensive. Sure.
Maybe we look at Perisher instead and that's good.

(19:20):
So some other celebrity wedding celebrants.
Michelle Abrama also matching pair.
There you go. Imagine having both of them.
Yeah, that'd be pretty. Cool, I mean, I guess, well, he
could be the. Groomsman and she could be the
celebrant. Yeah, it'd be cool having them
there. Yeah.
Anna Faris. That would be funny.
That would be. Funny, she's.
Very. Funny.
Very funny comedian. She's hilarious.

(19:42):
Can you imagine having? Yeah.
She's. Laughed.
She broke up to the wedding in Ugg Boots and to the wedding in
Ugg boots. Oh I'm pretty sure she
officiated one of her Co. Hosts.
That's great. Ugg boots.
Yeah, a bit like. Me right now, with my boots on.
It's cold here it. Is cold Adele she could
officiate because. She's hilarious as well.

(20:02):
She's. Serenade.
Yeah, she's. Singing a whole ceremony.
Yeah, Joe Jonas, that would justbe another Joan to look at.
But yeah, we had Joan's brother in our last one too, for
something kind of rude. Queen Latifah, another funny
person. She's great.
She would be amazing at a wedding she would be feeling.
Yeah, Jimmy Kimmel. And he was the celebrant for

(20:24):
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux that, wow, I mean, star
studded alter there, right? Yep.
Emma Stone also very funny and Ithink that would be great.
Yep, that would be Ke$ha. I don't know about that one.
Like I mean it must have been a friend or something.
Or I meant like a number like she's like #1 fan.

(20:46):
Lady Gaga is too. She'd be.
Phenomenal as a celebrant. I think she.
Would the voice, The voice wouldbe very calming and fantastic.
Yeah, probably. And Tom Hanks, he's my number
one all time favourite actor. Yeah, he's the best love.
He would be so good. Yeah.
Yeah, no, that's good. I'm surprised there's so many
actually. But I guess you know that is

(21:07):
what it is like. Yeah.
But to be ordained overseas, like in America, a bit easier,
way easier. It's online, it's for free.
It can happen instantly after they answer a few questions.
Whereas here in Australia we do like a complete search for.
Yeah, it takes. So does that mean if you
celebrate it doesn't turn up, you can be friend can just whip
out their phone and quickly do it?
Probably. I mean.
If you've got a friend. Though I think it's state by

(21:29):
state, I think ordained ministers only recognised
marriages in particular states over there too, so it's
something that a couple would have to look into.
Yes, right, right there. Legal issue, yeah.
We've also got some crazy marriage laws from around the.
World we do. Can I?
Have a look at this first one in.
France Steph yes. So in France, the death of your

(21:50):
partner does not actually prevent you from marrying them.
You can still go ahead with the ceremony after they pass away as
long as there is members of the deceased person's family present
for it to be approved by law. We're all just speechless.
Let's just think that so. Instantially, I can see why
people might do that. Yeah, so if you think.

(22:14):
What's the reasoning behind this?
Well, I guess if you're like laws, you know, we have
obviously got these problems where only a husband or wife or
a like partner are covered undercertain things like insurance
and things like that. And like, I guess if if a family
member died accidentally and youwere engaged to be married, you

(22:36):
want that person to still have the rights that a spouse might
have perhaps, maybe. I was thinking more if maybe one
of the deceased was actually carrying a child or the other.
Person and see exactly same sortof reason or say there was an
accident and that person yeah was in a hospital and they like
have babies and yeah and they wanted that title so I can kind

(22:58):
of see. Been a few, I'm pretty sure
there's been a few case studies like that here in Australia the
last five or so years. Like that type of scenario is
kind of ringing a bell, but I think that's just, yeah, a bit
of perspective there. I think it seems weird, but I
don't think it. Actually would be like I I can't
see how under certain circumcision it is crazy though.

(23:19):
Yeah, it's definitely a crazy marriage law this next. 1 is a
crazy marriage law. Is it really true?
This is the thing in Hong Kong, it is legal for a wife to kill
her partner only with her bare hands if he is disloyal.
I mean we. Found it on the Internet.
And this is true in Hong Kong. This is great.

(23:41):
It is great. I mean that.
I mean, you should have to be really mad.
I reckon, yeah. Would you just take him for
everything he has and move on? I mean, yes, you would think,
but maybe they're not as protected over there.
I don't, you know. Interesting.
OK, so in Cape Cod in 1771, the town of Truro had an issue with

(24:02):
birds eating their crops. So they voted that in order for
a man to get married, every single man had to kill 6 black
birds or three. Crows, all I can say is we live
in Australia. Good luck killing a crowd.
Seriously. I mean, they they really need to
want to get married, right? Yeah.
I mean, that's, that's actually impressive.

(24:24):
If a man manages to do that, then, you know, it's kind of a
it's great in Monaco. You must inform the community by
sticking a note on the town halldoor for 10 days.
Kind of love that. Yeah.
I know it's kind of giving notice really, isn't it?
I mean, you gotta give your marriage notice.
You celebrate, which is like a whole.
Month you'll notice of intent tomarry I mean it's it's not quite

(24:47):
as romantic. I think the old sticky note on
the door of the town hall is actually kind of a romantic
notion. It's like this public.
Like. Declaration like that, I hope
she knows that that's happening,yeah.
Okay, so in Montana, the bride and groom don't have to be
present for the ceremony. It is called the double proxy
wedding law and allows the brideand groom to authorise a proxy

(25:09):
to stand in on their place on the day.
It was intended for the armed forces, for those stationed
overseas. So you might have two people
stationed in different areas andthey can have people stand in
for them. I just love that some people are
going to stand in for them. Well, what?
A great job. I mean, do you get friends and
family to do that or do you actually get to be put your hand
up and skip like a paying job? Where you'd have to have consent

(25:32):
by both parties. Oh, no, definitely.
Yeah, I still need that. They have.
To they come back from. Overseas have to authorise.
The Yeah, OK, yeah. So they have to individually do
that. Yes.
OK. Did anything like this happen
during COVID of when people weren't able to be near each
other? Was there anything like that?
Not in Australia I'm guessing, but I wonder if that could be a

(25:53):
reason as well. If anywhere that is, please
write in yes. So in Samoa you must not forget
your wife's birthday. It's actually illegal.
I'm gonna have to tell Mark on that one.
Right. Actually, I told Amy that
because her partner, Samoan. Hi, Amy.
That's right. Our previous podcast.
Yeah. And I told her that after.
After. Hearing this, there might be a

(26:14):
lot of girls out there that are like, I'm going to go find
myself some solid. Man.
You'll never. Forget in Utah you're legally
allowed to marry your first cousin as long as they are over
the age of 55 and can't reproduce.
Okay, interesting stipulations. Since you can marry, I am not
surprised. Well, you can marry your first
cousin here in Australia. It's legal.

(26:34):
Really. Yeah.
Can you have babies? Yeah, like genetically I don't.
I don't think it's great. No, no, that's not putting too
much medical. Judgement.
I don't think you could. Yeah, yeah, you can marry your
cousins, aunts and uncles. You just can't marry your actual
brother siblings. Yeah, you.
Can marry your aunts and uncle. Yeah, and that includes like you

(26:55):
can't marry your adopted children or anything like that
as well, even if they're not. That's fair.
By birth. What about like your
grandparents or like, I don't know, I'm just going if you can
bury your uncle and auntie like.No, the direct lineage say
grandparents, parents, children you cannot marry, but you can
marry aunts, uncles, cousins. Yeah, there you.
Go. I am shocked.

(27:16):
Every day I am shocked and horrified.
I am. I'm a little bit horrified too.
It's not no offence to anyone out there who's done this, but
I'm a little horrified. No, no.
If anyone has done this, I I would actually I would love to
chat to you. Yes.
We want to chat to you. Let me put it out there that the
Marriage Act was not put together because of love.

(27:36):
It was put together because Australia was a young community.
We had generations of men that had come back and had not come
back from war and we were re establishing our place in
society with our populations andthings like that.
And back then it was about status and class.
So when you're thinking about the times of when the Marriage
Act was actually created back inthe 1960s, very different world

(27:58):
that we lived in. So it was all about keeping it
in the family status and class. Like literally.
Yeah, literally. So wow.
Hope that clarifies it. Again.
OK, so also in a centuries old tradition, Roman community.
Roman community? Sorry, gipsies.
Yeah. Yep.

(28:19):
Allow a man to marry a girl if he successfully kidnaps her and
keeps her by his side for three days.
What's? Well.
Something. What was that movie that this
happened in? That was there was a movie.
Yeah. That.
Well, the world I need to know. Oh, Borat, Borat.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He he very desperately wanted tomarry Paul Pablo Anderson and he

(28:43):
had to kidnap her. But is there an age stipulation
surrounding that? I'd want to know because.
I would hope so. Probably not.
No, not culturally. Probably not, no.
Probably not, because they do marry young in some of the yeah.
They do. OK, in Las Vegas you can get,

(29:03):
although in Las Vegas you can get drunk and wake up with a
wedding band on your finger and a sore head.
This is not common in a lot of places.
Celebrants will not allow the marriage to be lawful if they
believe the parties to be intoxicated.
In Mississippi, they can also reject your licence if they
believe you are an imbecile or insane.
Sorry you're too dumb to get married in Mississippi.

(29:28):
Move along please. You've definitely got to develop
a series of questions around that one for capacity.
I feel like that just needs its whole a whole episode just done
on that section. Just happened.
Consent right there. Yeah, that was great.
Looks like you every day. You do.

(29:49):
So let's get back to, you know, I guess some important stuff.
Actual, real stuff. Yeah, sure.
Let's give, let's give some info, shall we?
We're up to the informative the difference between a marriage
celebrant and a religious officiant.
OK, yeah. So Felicity, you might be able
to shed light on this. We'll list them, you add.
OK, how about that religious officiant?

(30:11):
They would provide some guidanceabout married life and religious
education. May require premarital
counselling. There will maybe faith specific
paperwork to fill out The ceremony.
May contain religious prayers, rites and readings.
Absolutely. Can you?
Write your own vows if you have a religious Yeah, so I still

(30:32):
did. You did still had our own vows
section, but we just also had some readings and some prayers
as well. Yeah.
And the religious efficients arevery similar to us.
They've got particular wording requirements they must state
during the ceremony that kind ofoutlines what the role is, what
their role is, and you have particular wording requirements

(30:55):
that you state during the ceremony.
It makes you legally married as well.
OK, OK. Yep, so the same a marriage
celebrant or a civil celebrant will allow you to write your own
vows which what you can also do as well has certain things they
must say which is also the same.That's correct.
Yep. Maybe performative and told
jokes. Felicity is performative.

(31:17):
Yeah, I. Love it.
I have someone that's got it. You can pick someone, I guess
that's got a little bit of character and individualization.
That's right. You need to pick the.
Right one for you. Yeah, yeah.
Suit your personality. They will take care of all the
paperwork in Australia anyway, so that's, that's always nice.
Yeah, we'll have suppliers that they work with and can also

(31:37):
recommend. So that's definitely A+ as well.
In America, a friend can become ordained online, however in
Australia it's a certificate. For the one we were talking
about. Before and how long does that
take to do? I'm not sure anymore.
For me, I did the full advance to primary civil celebrity and I
had two young kids at the time. So it took me 3 years to get

(31:57):
through the coursework and at the same time run my own small
business with my husband. So you know when you pile it on
and you work late night, eventually you get there.
But I think most people, if you're just doing the marriage
aspects of it with the cert for I think it's about 6 months.
Yeah, it's a lot of paperwork. It is a lot of law you've got to
understand and working with. And they do online, like Cheryl,

(32:20):
who was on our elopement episode.
Yeah, she actually teaches new celebrants.
She does. Yeah.
She was one of my mentors when Ifirst started out in industry
and to this day still is. Yeah, right.
We, it's celebrants, don't work against each other.
We actually work with one another because we have to
network. We have to know where everyone
lives and what locations they'rein because we come up against

(32:42):
things like Bush fires, floodingevents, especially here in
southeast Queensland, weather events like cyclones and things
like that. So if we can't make it to a
particular location, we have to hand that wedding over to
someone in that area that can doit, step in and do that for us.
Yeah. And then back us up as well if
we get injured or ill in that process.
So it's, it's all well and good during the course, but then you

(33:04):
actually have to apply to the attorney General and take the
test. And then once you've passed that
particular test, you are registered as an Australian
marriage celebrant, a registeredmarriage celebrant.
And so can someone take the testwithout doing the course
effectively? I don't know.
Good luck trying. I've never come across anyone
who. Would successfully have done

(33:24):
that. No, because it's a little.
Bit like passing the bar withoutactually going to school.
Yes, absolutely. Because you really need to know
the different sections of the Marriage Act and it's very
involved. Yeah, right.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, there you go.
Best questions to ask your celebrate what?
Do I need to bring to our meeting?

(33:45):
Good question. First up, I usually ask my
couples to come with a lot of questions about what their
expectations are of their wedding day and what their
vision is and how they see me stepping into that role for
them. Ask me questions about how do I
work? How long do you see the ceremony
going? Do I add anything into the
ceremony that could lengthen it for them if they want that I I

(34:06):
kind of work backwards with my couples in the way that I work
with them in terms of I get to know who they are.
I want to really stand there andrepresent them as.
People, you did like us, fill out a questionnaire.
I do. Yeah, I've got homework.
The question is are really good because I get a real good
insight into who you both are and how you interact with one
another. And sometimes the answers are
hilarious, yes. And it makes for funny little

(34:30):
comments within the ceremony that I can just whip out.
And I'm, I'm standing there, you're like my friend, by the
time we get to the actual ceremony.
But it's important. You've got to prove to me who
you actually are for me to say I'm satisfied marrying you
because you have to be over the age of 18 in Australia.
So I need to cite identification.
I need to cite birth certificates.
So it's important, it is important for them to ask, they
celebrate those. Questions.
Yeah, absolutely. On the list.

(34:52):
Yeah. And there is stuff you need to
breathe. Yeah.
And I mean if you've been married before and and you've
divorced, I need to cite those. The people always decrease in
the paperwork associated with that and sometimes that's harder
to obtain because it could be anoverseas.
Well issue these issues. So this time, this stuff takes a
little bit of time. So usually I'm meeting couples

(35:13):
out 18 months in advance right through to a month in advance
before their wedding date depends on hey, we just want to
get married. We've changed all our plans
versus we're having the big, bigshindig.
All of our family are going to be there.
And, you know, and we really, really want to plan this out
with you and spend some time getting to getting this
evolving. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Do you personalise your ceremonies?

(35:34):
Yeah. And have you had any weird sort
of personalization requests at all?
I have done some fabulous theme weddings.
I'm I love a theme wedding. I have done the Doctor Who
weddings, Doctor Who's Star Trek.
I've done some Star Wars weddings.
Did you dress up for these? I didn't personally dress up for

(35:54):
them, but. That's a shame.
I feel like you would have made a good Princess Leia.
Do you reckon? Maybe the bride?
Should have been Prince was there maybe.
Maybe. But yeah, I think I think one of
the best wedding ceremonies I ever wrote was for these two
high school science teachers. And I actually wrote the
ceremony as a science experimentfor them.
And it included a method of whatmarriage would require.

(36:16):
It would. It's the tools that you have to
bring for the experiment I got, I got family input as outside
extreme, like outside anomalies that can change the way that
things develop over time. And it was very, very, it was
fun to do. And I used a lot of scientific
language and well, that's I used, I used like chemical bonds

(36:39):
and things like that. And it's been all the whole like
everyone in the crowd is like. No, they're all really nerdy.
They were like Megan, they were mega nerdy.
They were that. Yeah, yeah.
So that worked really well. And so if that's common route, I
guess with celebrants, they personalise it, but some of them
have set kind of ones if you don't want it too personalised,
right? Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. And it depends.

(36:59):
I mean, it depends on how shy the couple are or how personal
it is or how private they are asa couple as well.
I mean, I do a lot of defence services, so for me I don't have
a lot of things on my socials because lately it's just been
all defence personnel that I can't plaster everywhere.
So I've got to take into consideration all of the
privacies are involved around things like that as well.
Yep. OK, fair.

(37:21):
How much input do couples get for their ceremonies?
I get all the input. Yeah, absolutely all of.
That so double check that with you celebrate, but you should
get that. Absolutely, definitely.
For me, that's important for me because it's their wedding day.
I've had my wedding day, I know what my day was like, and I want
to give them the experience thatthey're going to walk away with
absolutely no regret. Yeah.
That's fair. That's us.

(37:41):
Do you have different packages? Absolutely, yeah.
Is it, what's it based on? Is it based on time or is it
based? On a lot of it is based on time
and travel location. I'm a national celebrant, so I'm
lucky enough I get to fly all across Australia and marry
people that have known me or have seen me on different things
that I've been able to do with their friends.
So for me that's really important to have different

(38:02):
packages. Obviously, I've got a tailor in
accommodation, sometimes flights, car hire and things
like that, depending on location.
So people will pay if they really, really want you to be
there. And it depends on what you have
to do. I mean, sometimes I do the legal
zone at a coffee table takes 10 minutes.
So I'm not going to charge you $1000 for that.
Yeah, that's just ridiculous. Yes.
And then other times, you know, I'm Interstate and I've got to

(38:24):
cover off a couple of 100, like a couple of grand just to make
sure that I've covered off everything I need to do because
I'm away from home too. So I've got to take all my
equipment with me cleaning my PAsystem and.
Publication, the whole lot. Yeah.
Yeah, Look, that's fair. Yeah.
The couples get to choose how they're produced at the end.
Like, do you say, you know, the bride and groom or whatever it
is? Like, Yeah.
Absolutely. I think for me it's really

(38:45):
important, especially with the fact we've got so many couples
that are so inclusive these days.
Inclusivity is very important. So a lot of the time if there's
same sex couple, it's very much a case of such and such and such
and such. And now married come and
congratulate them. Happy days.
And a lot of the time, it's verymuch Mr and Mrs They.

(39:05):
They still go with a very traditional, this is who I am
now. Sometimes if they're not
changing their name then we justleave it as to who they are and
that they're married. It's.
There's no real It's not a legal, it's not a legal
requirement. OK, so it can sort of be
anything. Yes.
This was something that I found when I got married by the
Catholic priest was he didn't have any of that at the end.

(39:29):
He wasn't even going to do a first kiss because it's very
much, your marriage is very muchbetween yourselves and God.
Yes. So it was very much like we had,
we had signed the certificates and sort of that was just going
to be it. But I had seen way too many time
wasted way too many times. Father of the Bride, of course,
I had watched that movie on repeat, especially back then,

(39:52):
like 21 years ago, and I was adamant I was going to have that
sort of the fairy tale. I mean the fairy tale.
And the Pinterest wedding I justI.
Just I wanted the. I wanted the whole saying I do,
and I wanted the whole You may now kiss the bride and then

(40:13):
welcome. Yeah, See none of that in a
civil ceremony in Australia, none of that's even a legal
requirement. We added in because our couples
want that tradition. They they look up to their
parents marriages, sometimes they look up to their
grandparents marriages and they look around with their friends.
They see it on TV a lot. Yeah, so we just added in.
But I always tailor the I do question around them.

(40:34):
Yep. Part of the information I get
from the question is, and I've developed over time with my
couples is that I get to a real insight into what's important
for them on their wedding day, what's important for them for
their marriage. And then I convey that to
everyone. So the fact that I can put it in
a question and they have to actually answer with a yes I do
or Yep, can I think about that for a minute moment?
It's yeah, that's great. If I just wait a second.

(40:57):
Yeah. Oh, what, You want me to talk?
Just happy to stand here and look pretty, right so.
So fool yourself and I guess it's different for every
celebrant. Is the deposit refundable?
Look the terminology around deposits.
A lot of celebrants will not usea deposit because the work we do

(41:18):
kind of we're, we're working from the minute we've met our
couples pretty much. So for us, I actually use.
I can't remember the. Wedding hold the booking.
Fee, yeah, because that guarantee, I mean, when you're
dealing two years out from an event, you've got to book out
that time in your calendar. I agree.
Absorb all the costs that are associated with that wedding and
that includes your equipment, your insurances, your

(41:40):
registrations. Every year we have to re
register with the attorney general.
So we're absorbing those costs. And that's what a lot of people
don't see and they just think that we rock up for 30 minutes,
say a few words, get them to sign a piece of paper and then
off they go. Happy days.
But it's so much more involved than that.
So yeah, it's a booking fee. It's non refundable in my case,
depending on the situation, the circumstance, I working with my

(42:02):
couples no matter what. Like during COVID, I had 195
weddings on the books between 2020 and 2021 before COVID had
hit. So my workload astronomically
went through the floor pretty much.
So I honoured every single one of those ceremonies and I got
them married. They had the choice.
I could either get married on their wedding date still, or we

(42:23):
just push it out to a date that worked for them and I worked
around that. So I didn't take on any new
weddings for four years. I'm only just starting to take
on new weddings now as a result.I just gave myself that a little
bit of space to kind of decompress after close as well.
Really got people, didn't it it?Did it did?
Yeah, it did. It did.
We're all back. We're all doing what we love to

(42:43):
do. The world's turning and people
are getting married. But the, the, I think the, the
beauty of the situation of having COVID is our, our
perspectives changed and our priorities moved as to what was
really important for the marriage, not the wedding.
Yeah, I think we found that a lot recently, yeah.
And I think that's beautiful. If you want your family there,

(43:05):
have your family there. If you don't, don't do it.
No one's putting that pressure. On you.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah, that's right.
So it's it's good do. You have any preferred suppliers
or like locations that you particularly love or anything
like that? Being celebrant is one of the
most privileged jobs you can actually have because we get to

(43:25):
go to some absolutely stunning venues.
We get to go into people's homes, we get to go into the DIY
space. We get to this.
We get into the full styling of,you know, you've got people who
are spending maybe 7-8 hundred dollars on their wedding as
opposed to $100,000. So yeah, you can walk into a
beautiful space. At the end of the day, my role
is first and foremost the legal requirements for the marriage.

(43:47):
Ship them married. And I work with so many Amazing
teams of suppliers and vendors. It's, it's phenomenal, right
down to, you know, DJs, stylists, florists, we're all on
deck because we all have to communicate what's happening in
the ceremony. We all have to be on time.
That's right. The next thing can flow on.
It has a flow on effect. I love it.
I love it when we're working with people we know.

(44:08):
Yeah, I mean. It makes it all flow so nice.
Yeah. I mean, for Steph's wedding, I I
turned up and said, OK, so this is happening during the actual
ceremony. So you were able to actually
actually set up your cameras in that?
Yeah, space. That's right.
And that's something that, you know, I think you find as a
photographer, you gotta go and speak to your celebrant.
Yeah, Because you just never know.
That could be a Dove release that you don't know about.

(44:29):
But it would be nice to have your camera ready for that sort
of thing, you know? So I like to go and ask is there
anything that Yeah, you know, anything unusual is happening
firstly. Yeah.
And I think also being very aware of who the other vendors
are that you're working with on day is important because I don't
want to photobomb every single ceremony shot that there is.
Yeah, yeah. Speaking of photobombing, what

(44:50):
do you think I've I've seen? I've seen the first kiss happen
multiple times in different waysfor the celebrant, right?
One of my pet peeves is when a celebrant says you may now kiss
the bride, they turn and walk away.
And so the photo I've got is thebride and groom kissing with the
celebrant with his back turned to them.
And I hate that. Yeah, because that's so great.

(45:12):
It's either stand there or or have moved.
Beforehand move like 2 steps to the side but still be looking at
the bride and groom and maybe a clap or a you know a big smile
on your face but nothing worse than that's.
Interesting. Maybe you need to tell them.
Well, you just don't know if. They're going to do that.
No, but you could tell them beforehand.
Are you planning on being there?Yes.
And I think that's that's what things, if I, if I know the

(45:35):
celebrant well and I know they're not going to do that,
that's fine. But if it is someone that I
don't know, yeah. I can just communicate it
because honestly, all of us trying to get out of the way.
I mean, I still in the at Steph wedding I was on the edge of a
swimming pool so I had nowhere to go.
I mean, I'm glad she could have fallen in.
We we didn't move it forward so she wouldn't fall in.
Yeah, yeah. And I had said to 'cause I had

(45:56):
severe Vertigo the day of you all.
That's right, you see, so I had.Said to Steve earlier.
If you see me swaying, you gottacatch me.
It's gonna be freezing. To try to keep people up so I.
They also had a priest that cameand stood in front of the bride
and groom for their first kiss. Oh my God, yeah, that was my
friend's wedding. That happened too to them.

(46:16):
No, you were. You were it.
I remember. OK, So I remember very clearly
at one of my friend's weddings, I was a guest.
Yeah. And you were there.
And I remember you lying years ago.
Yeah. You were lining up the shot.
Unless it's a different wedding we're talking about.
Is it a big Big? Church yes or cathedral yes, I
say. Yeah, yes, at.

(46:38):
In the city and the boys schoolsyes, yes, and I remember so
clearly you lining up for that shot and right as he said you
can you may now his sobriety stood right in front of you.
I remember it so clearly becauseyou looked at me and went.
Was he getting? Was he getting in position
though to procession them back out of the?

(46:58):
Chest. I think so.
I think he was trying to be out of the way.
He he blocked everyone from seeing the kids.
It wasn't like he was back far enough that some people could
see it. See some couples actually.
Ask us so that maybe that was it.
They're very short. It just.
I guess that's one of those things, maybe we're not a bit
more. Yeah.
I do remember though, you looking over at your second

(47:19):
shooter with like, hope in your face.
And please tell you you got. Giving you the thumbs up and you
going I could breathe that nightthe.
Amount of times I say to my couples, enjoy the moment of
your when I've announced you to be married and you're sharing
that first kiss, just kiss, cuddle, be be right there in
that moment because your whole ceremony goes so fast.

(47:42):
He does, I said. But when that bit slows down.
But I said the worst thing I have to do is get my couples to
kiss again because I've done it so quickly.
The photographer really hasn't been able to get yeah, that
moment because even though they're waiting for it, it's
happened so quickly. If you're not on that, click
yeah. You gotta hold that smooch,
people. Yeah.
For the photographer, hold the smooch, hold the smooch,
practise holding the smooch. There hasn't been many times

(48:05):
where I haven't gotten it, usually because I think the
celebrant knows better and has asked them to redo it.
Yeah, Because that has had to happen a few times.
Yeah, yeah, sometimes it is justa pack and if that's all they
want to do then that's fine, butbe realistic that your
photographer may not get that shot.
Yeah, but half the time these couples are now investing in

(48:26):
their photography to get that Insta shot, to get it everything
so posed to perfect that they'reseeing everything online that
that's what they want and they're trying to create that.
But in the moment it's not happening for them.
So it's like do. It again yeah, yeah, yeah on.
That note, on that note, I thinkwe should move on to other
things that are fun at a weddingceremony.

(48:48):
Yes, I think that's a great idea.
There's lots of fun things that can go on.
And so I've actually seen some lawn games.
Yep, been played. You can actually.
These are online but you could also hire from companies.
As well. Yep, you have some don't
yourself. I do have some for hire for
people who don't want these set games.
So giant Connect 4 Cornhole's always popular.

(49:09):
Giant Jenga. Yes, I.
Remember the Jenga? Yeah, that's a bit of bocce.
Yeah. Or some croquet.
Yeah. We also have giant noughts and
crosses, giant snakes and ladders.
And when do people test it? Usually do the long games don't
have that, but I'd like that it's just bulking the.
Store there, Yeah, yeah. Is this usually something that
happens after after the ceremony?

(49:31):
Yeah. So while they're like they while
they're waiting for photos to betaken.
Yeah. So the canopy area, if they're
having a few canopies and a bit of a drink, yeah, yeah, they
might play them while they're doing that.
It's just to keep them occupied sometimes between the ceremony
and reception. And maybe at the reception, if
it's sort of a daytime afternoonsort of reception, maybe they

(49:52):
can learn still. I mean, they have them for the
whole time from us. So there's no restrictions on
that. A lot of people are going to be
have kids at the wedding too. Yeah, that's a great.
It keeps them occupied. So that sure does, you know,
like trying to jump in the dam down at River Bagel.
Yeah, that dam is open. Yeah, I always have to do the
precursors on that one. Please keep an eye on your

(50:12):
children. We are around waterways.
Yes, yeah, yeah, pre ceremony cocktails.
So I love this. You could you could you could
name some of the cocktails. So I did this at mine.
I just had the like special cocktail like I had a Bellini.
It was like, because like, Peachbellinis.
Yep. I mean, I didn't name it, but

(50:32):
yeah, you can name it after the couple, you know, something
cute. Or maybe you could name it with
destinations that they've travelled to or something like
that. Yeah.
Yeah, just on that to something to be aware of.
If you are having a ceremony that's not in a venue, you might
need to have a liquor licence toprovide alcohol to your couple
to you. Yeah, definitely.
If it's in a park, definitely I I think, yeah.

(50:54):
So can you just get a one day licence?
I think if you can hire a vendorthat can actually be on site
that's got the liquor licence and they are distributing out
the maybe. It will vary on where you are
because some of them allow you to do it.
If you're not selling it like you like, you know, they, they,
they'll allow you to do it. Yeah, it really will vary on.

(51:15):
It comes, yeah, it comes up withpermits and things like that.
I think it's being asked. Sort of say it's having a picnic
down at the point and you just. I don't think you're supposed
to. Yeah, really.
Like, I mean, people do and I don't think they're super strict
on it unless you were being particularly reality.
Yeah, yes, yeah. I think it's always nice to
choose some meaningful songs. Yeah, which have you seen you?

(51:36):
Always remember the music from weddings that I do every time.
Have you seen anything that's been a little bit different?
I had a yeah, The last wedding Ijust did actually was over at
Roman St Parklands. And they were a very musical
couple. And he actually reproduced a
song that he conducted himself as part of their experience that

(51:57):
they've been together for 10 years.
And it was kind of like a sort of mishmash of all the music
that they loved in one song. And it was a really long aisle.
So they timed it so that it was just perfect.
It was just. So yeah, there are some 10 miles
of Emerald St Park. Please.
It was a really yeah. Romance.
Yes. That's really, really so sweet.

(52:17):
Yeah, I love that. I loved what you had to Steph.
You had some some beautiful movie scores, Yes, which I love.
It was so much fun. Yes.
Little Mermaid. Yeah.
For the bride's was it kiss the girl?
Yes. Yeah.
Kiss. The girl yes, I just thought
like, yeah, it's myself. I mean there are some really
pretty like I I we played Forrest Gump in the entry there

(52:40):
and I just I mean that's a beautiful music.
Some Hanks indeed yes, right, Tommy.
I love him, thought that Tom. You can also get important
guests to do a reading or a poem.
It's like it's happy to include people.
It is. I mean, if you're not having
them as bridesmaids, but you really want them to have a job
on the day and be involved. I did that at my wedding because
I just had people. I had my bridesmaids with me who

(53:01):
lived in Perth and I had two very close friends of mine that
weren't in Perth. So I got them two readings at
our wedding. Yeah, that's nice, isn't it?
Yeah, Yeah. That's nice.
What's the ribbon ceremony? I've seen this, yeah, I haven't
seen it actually in a while, Right.
It's it was happened a while ago, now it's like a binding.
Isn't it? It is like a binding.
It's very, there's, it's hand fastening or people use ribbons

(53:24):
and the ribbons represent different aspects of your life,
important values that you're bringing into your marriage.
So your hands are tied together using those ribbons, and then
once all of the ribbons are removed, the ribbons remain tied
together, binding you for life. Pretty much is.
There a certain way to do this then?
Yeah, there's a certain way thatin which I.
Didn't realise it was that complicated.

(53:44):
I thought it was just. Wrapping ribbon around.
No, it's very ritualistic in some cultures.
So you've got to give respect tothe ritual itself that you're
doing, and you've got to actually tie it through so that
you are explaining the reasons why this couple are choosing to
do that ritual. It's quite powerful, yeah.
No. That's amazing.
There's also the sand ceremony, which is quite similar as well

(54:06):
to the candle ceremony. It's sort of it's the, it's the
two families being joined into one.
So maybe, yeah, it's great into one kids or it's great.
Yeah, see, I don't use a lot of sand anymore.
No, I feel like it went. I use.
Lollies, lollies, lollies. Kids love lollies.
So it's a great big family Lollijar and they're putting all the

(54:27):
sweetness, they're bringing their own favourites to it it
it's. That's cute.
They like to eat them after. Yeah, OK.
It's not just a symbolic. I mean, I see something that
because. Yeah, it's about replenishing
and like, your tastes change over time, your life changes
over time. It's that whole symbolism behind
it. But I prefer to do it with
lollies and kids because they'remore involved.

(54:48):
If they just think they're chucking sand into a vase, they
just go, oh, yeah, whatever. And then they try and run off.
Yeah, yeah, with, with lollies, they stand there and just wait.
Yes. Yes, and they're on their best
behaviour. That's true.
We did the candle lighting at our wedding and we had our moms
get up and do the the lighter. They lit the candle and then
they use that candle then to, Yep, light the two families

(55:12):
light the little candles too. Yeah.
Which we have somewhere still seeing about somewhere.
In the company. And then they get to keep their
candles. Yeah.
Yeah. The lock ceremony, yeah.
These are cool. For a while, whatever you kind
of happen overseas a lot more now.
Lock ceremony is more about the love locks and having your names
engraved in the date and then locking it.

(55:34):
Never. And then throwing you away the
key or dispersing of the key somewhere.
Yeah. You see it in Paris a lot, in
places where there's big bridges.
Yeah, you do. That's true.
Yeah, a lot of people write their own vows.
They do. I love doing the secret vows
with my couples. Yeah.
They just love. They don't hear until they're
right in the moment. And that can be really, really
fun. I've got depending on how

(55:55):
playful the couple is, too, Sometimes they write vows for
each other. They have that much trust in one
another. Don't know if I could do that.
I'm too much of A control freak.Well, you'd write his for him.
No, sorry. They they write vows for each
other. Oh yeah, no, there's no.
No way, right? Way too much of A control.
Freak. No.
I can only imagine what it wouldcome out with.
Yeah, no. That's a trust thing, right?

(56:16):
Right. And a control freak thing like
you said, yeah. First look ceremony yes Matthew
love it. I love I love the idea,
especially if you want to have asunset wedding and you.
Don't a lot of people don't knowabout these, so maybe we should.
Explain a little bit yeah, that's a good idea.
First look ceremony is done obviously before the ceremony
takes place. Usually if a couple maybe is

(56:38):
having a later in the day ceremony, if it's maybe at
sunset or something like that and there aren't time afterwards
to get photos done, people will have a first look ceremony where
they, you know, and you can set it up differently.
Photographers usually have a fewideas but generally you know the
the bride will be standing facing one way and the groom

(56:59):
will come up and or vice versa, sorry, the groom will be looking
standing and the bride will comeup and tap tap him on the
shoulder and he turns around andsees her for the first time.
I mean, I liked having it myselfbecause I didn't want to have to
leave my guests after the ceremony.
Yeah, yeah. So we did the location and yeah,

(57:21):
so it did give. Us a nervous on the day too and
they need that reassurance that they're in yes together and it's
not about family. Anyone else putting pressure on
them around them. It's just about the two of them
and having, I think that's what reassurance can just relax them
into it. Yeah, it was.
That's Steve didn't want to do it.
And then I made him Donuts because I wanted to.
And then he said to me afterwards he was like, he was

(57:42):
really happy to do that, yeah, because it took those nerves
away for him. Yeah.
Have you seen a lot of couples do the first look and then
actually walk down the aisle together?
I have done a couple. Some of the first look options
are pretty funny though. Like instead of sending the
bride, they send in the best mandressed up in a in.
A bride in, A bride in. A dress suit, yeah, Yeah.

(58:03):
So there's been different thingslike that just to kind of bring
a bit of humour through as well.Like, I've seen that a couple of
times, but I think the first look from the capitals that I've
worked with and I've had those experiences with walking down
the aisle together symbolises that they're already in this.
It doesn't matter that it's to their wedding date.
It's like they're there. They've established their
relationship, they've established their life together

(58:25):
today. It's just important for their
family and friends to celebrate that with them.
Yeah. And I think that brings a lot
more of a meaning to it as well.Yeah, definitely.
I think like for me, I don't like most people didn't even
know that we had done 1. So for them, they had no idea
anyway, like for those who are abit more traditional, I guess,
you know, they thought they wereseeing it for the first.

(58:46):
Year. Yes, yeah.
Is there many people that still release doves or butterflies or
anything? This is a bit.
Contentious this one because especially butterflies and doves
and doves. We live in Moreton Bay and doves
get eaten by great big eagles. So.
I have butterflies being opened and there's butterflies not

(59:08):
being alive. Maybe look because they haven't
installed correctly. Well, they.
Arrive frozen. Yes, that's right.
So they need so. They need to thaw out in order
to fly off. They do.
Did not know. This yeah, they come in a box
with me like. You can get them so that they're
not frozen, so that they're already just in a nice pretty
cage that you can decorate. I just.
Ask them potentially is a dumb question, but are they?

(59:29):
How are they frozen and alive? They're just, they put them to
sleep. Almost.
Yeah. Like the cold puts them to
sleep. Yeah.
They're dead. No, they're just like.
They just. They hope there's people.
That can hear the confusion in my eyes.
You know what, you need to get some suppliers on that work with
animals because I think definitely that would be.

(59:51):
I'm too super keen for that. Yeah, but I mean, I've released
I've, I've probably done more dull releases at Funeral
services than I have weddings. I can see that.
And butterflies is more about the wishes, carrying the wishes
to the spirits and things like that as well.
I didn't even realise that's what it was.
Yeah, there was something else we were talking about earlier
that was fun. You know what?

(01:00:13):
Everyone's looking and we're like, we're gonna talk about it.
Oh yeah, I. Can't remember.
Oh, no. The great idea of having the
bride and groom switch places upthe top of the aisle.
Vows. Yeah.
Yeah. For the vows or for the whole
thing or, I guess however much you want.
But I guess if you're sort of a more traditional ceremony and
you've got, you know, the bride's family on the left side

(01:00:34):
and the groom's family on the right side.
Yeah, if traditionally when the bride would walk up, she would
stand on the left and he would stand on the right.
That's the side of their family.Yeah, but then you know the
brides family only ever get to see her back during the
ceremony. Yeah, I think it's nice.
And so, yeah, a lot of couples are now switching over so their

(01:00:55):
families actually get to see them.
I think it depends on the positioning of the couple as to
whether or not they've got theirbacks to their guests or if
they're sideways. As.
Well, that's right, that logistical positioning is really
important as well. A lot of couples these days do
the whole swap seas on the Isle so they can see their own person

(01:01:16):
and other families. They like the fact that the the
person taking that their family member on is very much They want
to see their expression, they want to see their emotion.
They. Want.
That's +2 isn't it? You can see both sides.
I want to see both. I should just get video.
Cameras and have some screens up.
Yeah, 5050. I mean, it really depends for
me, whenever I'm doing a rehearsal with my couples,
logistically, what we rehearse doesn't matter where we are.

(01:01:38):
It's the same in location for the actual ceremony.
Yeah, dependent on the wind, I'll swap over my bridal
positioning because obviously the ladies, Yeah, I was going to
say the ladies do so much time and effort in their hair, hair
and makeup. Veils.
The veils fly everywhere. Yeah, that's true.
So for me, it's important that we get the positioning right so

(01:01:59):
that things aren't annoying you during the ceremony because
you're staying there for a little while while I talk.
Yeah, yeah, that's true. Ruth, it's time. 5 fast
questions. I'm going to start us off OK.
Mel has asked what if it rains on my wedding day and we have an
outdoor ceremony? I say have a backup plan.

(01:02:21):
I say do. It anyway in the rain.
I say let's do both. Oh.
Yes, see, see. That was quick, OK.
Yes, we were there fast questions.
Good to have options. It is it's good to have options.
Do have an option because if youdo care if your if your hair is
going to get wet and do think about the guests.
I do say that as as much as get married in the rain, do think
about, yes, if you've got elderly guests and they really

(01:02:43):
get cold, think about it. Yeah.
OK. Have you ever had someone object
at a ceremony from Jacob? Absolutely not, because we don't
ask anyone to. Object full stop in Australia.
In Australia, yeah, it's not a thing.
No, we had, we stayed in monotone, which pretty much
introduces us as a professional marriage celebrant that were
authorised by the law of Australia to conduct the

(01:03:04):
marriage that we're performing and we're.
Not allowed to object. And no, there's no that we don't
ask any questions around that. The couple are standing there
free of consent. We've already get, we've already
gained consent from our couples and they're the only two that we
need to gain consent from. They're the only.
True, that's true. Yes.
OK, Jackie, ask the question. What is the weirdest themed
wedding you have ever done? Weirdest thing you said you've

(01:03:26):
done? Hey so now I want to hear the
weirdest 1. Weirdest.
One for you, Ruth. What's the weirdest one you've
done? There was one wedding where the
couple didn't want anybody to clap at the end.
It was they, they were kind of more of a goth couple and it was
sort of more of a morning kind of a moment.

(01:03:47):
They should have had it in a symmetry like that alone.
It was, it was down by a lake and they had dry ice all in the
lake. So there was kind of this mist
around and they didn't want anybody clapping once they had
said I'd do and walk back up theaisle.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
So even though it wasn't a theme, it was definitely a
memorable 1 for me. OK, have you, have you decided,

(01:04:10):
Felicity, which one's the weirdest?
I don't think I've had a really.Just themed you've just had.
Themed. I've just had really themed
ones. I mean the Doctor Who one.
I guess the weirdest thing we did in the Doctor Who 1 is when
we did our as the couple as I was talking and talking about
their life together and what their marriage meant to them.
In the instructions of the ceremony, the rings were being

(01:04:31):
passed around to all the guests as they make a wish, pass it on
type of thing. So it made its way up to the
couple. That's cool.
So when the parents came up at the because the parents actually
decided that they wanted to be part of the wedding.
So we involved them with the rings and they had to bring the
rings up for them to exchange. So while they were bringing the
rings up, we just played the. Doctor Who seems so.
No, the Tardis. Oh yeah.

(01:04:54):
Right, that whole yeah, noise. Because they wanted, they wanted
to bring the TARDIS into it somehow.
So that's the only way we could manage it.
Oh yeah, that's good. Mine was the weirdest.
Thing I've been asked to do. I think mine was a Halloween
wedding so the centrepieces werelike Halloween themes.
Cobwebs. They were candle libraries
actually, so not too bad. Candle libraries put the spiders

(01:05:15):
and stuff in them and cobwebs around them.
Black and orange. Were they sort of a gothy couple
or they just really like Halloween?
I do not remember. Yeah, I don't remember, I guess.
I don't really see that. Yeah, no.
So it's I can't. Remember was it on?
Halloween, I think it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So they just rolled with that.
I kind of like that, Sarah asked.

(01:05:36):
Do they have to say obey in the vows?
That's a no, right? No, Yes.
No, no Australia. I mean no.
I mean, not anyway. Oh, maybe I shouldn't say that
we saw some residue cultural. I I'm not too sure because I've
never really looked into it, butI do think the religious
obligations still carry that wording.

(01:05:57):
That is something you need to look into with the church
services and things like that. But for civil celebrants and
ceremonies, no, you do not have to state obey in any of it.
I didn't. And that was 21 years ago, and
it's, yeah, still the same today.
OK. You don't want to obey anyone.
You don't have to obey anyone, no.
That's right. OK.
And Kirsten has asked, have you ever had someone who has had too
many drinks to get married? Oh, this is a good one.

(01:06:19):
I have. Yes, you have.
I have and you've had to say no.Yeah.
Yep, that is legal. Yeah, it's it's a consent and
capacity. What I mean, how do you
surrender? I guess it depends on how drunk
they are. But do you have, did you wait
for them to sober up or do you just call it off there and then?
I refuse to do it on the day, Yeah.

(01:06:40):
And the only reason is obviouslywe've got legal obligations to
that couple, we've got legal obligations to ourself.
And it comes with the convictionin gaol.
Yeah, if we go ahead knowingly knowing that they have had way
too many drinks. Was was it the male or the
female? In different circumstances, it
was both, and I mean, we speak with the photography team.

(01:07:02):
Like when my bride or my couple first arrive or my grooms show
up, I always greet them before the ceremony to make sure that
they're in a good headspace. It's very important, and that's
when we can gauge speech, body language and things like that.
We're trying to look for and observe these things.
We can't make those judgments. But if I've had, I mean, we're
not just talking drinks here, we're talking drugs as well.

(01:07:23):
So there's been cases where photographers have said, yeah,
they were doing lines back at the house before they got here.
Absolute no no. Please.
Don't. Can I ask a question?
Then why would you? Would you give them the option?
We can go ahead with this ceremony, but I cannot do the
legals today. Absolutely.
Yep, and. I need to do the legals when you
sobered up, but because everyone's here, we can do the

(01:07:45):
fun bit of it. Yeah, absolutely.
You can still get on with your day and have the celebration,
but you won't be married for sure.
And then they have to pick a time and a date with that I'm
available to. Yeah, to go.
Over that. So let me do that to do just the
legal basic option, Yeah. So that is.
An option, but I still suggest don't do lines beforehand.
Yeah, don't get drunk beforehand.
Don't do that. Don't.
And I mean, the only reason why I didn't, the one particular

(01:08:07):
wedding that I didn't get them married or do anything on the
day at all was because that person was way too sick to even
inherently stand there. Like very, very Josh.
Yeah, yes, OK. That's terrible.
And that answers that question. Yeah, it does.
Yeah, fair enough too. That's all we have today, yes.

(01:08:27):
Actually, that was a lot more fun than I thought it would be.
Oh, I think generally is no moreexciting topic for me, but that
was fun. That was fun.
We bring the fun to it, that's our job.
That's our job. That's why we're here.
Yep. See.
We hope that we have explained alot to everyone listening.
And I hope it's given you a lot more questions.
Yes, if you have any further questions, feel free to email us

(01:08:49):
at the [e-mail] or
on our socials because we can still get the answer.
That's right. And I think it's important just
to know, you know, find a, a celebrant that you're
comfortable with, someone that maybe sort of shares your idea
of how the wedding's going to go.
Within your budget. Within within your budget,

(01:09:09):
definitely important as well. Yep, definitely.
But make sure they actually. Do their job.
Get you married. Afterwards, yes, you want to see
that, yes. So a plug for your business then
Fusion Elements. Yep, it's fusion elements I'm
based in here in Brisbane. I represent all life
celebrations, so for me it's important to encompass the

(01:09:32):
wedding aspects, the emceeing aswell, because that's where the
real celebrations take place. And then of course, obviously I
do. She just wants to end of the
party. I'll do the end of life care and
funerals. Yeah, perfect.
That's great. Thanks so much for coming.
Thanks ladies for having me. Thank you.
Time together. No worries, and hopefully we'll
have you back on another topic at some stage.
Sounds good, yeah. OK, thanks, guys.

(01:09:53):
Thank you. Bye.
Bye. On the next episode, what are we
gonna eat? We are going to talk about food,
we're going to talk about celebrities, common wedding
catering. Options, beverage options, and
other. Unique ideas and tips to do with
your catering plus our 5 fast. Questions.
See you then. That's all for today.
Thank you for joining us for thebridal brief.

(01:10:15):
If you want to hear more, don't forget to click follow on our
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