January 3, 2025 • 33 mins
This podcast dives into the heartfelt experiences of military mamas navigating motherhood, community, and personal growth. Through candid discussions, the hosts explore the struggles and triumphs of being a mom connected to the military, emphasizing the importance of support systems, self-care, and shared experiences to uplift each other.
• Introducing hosts TK, Rie, and Ivy and their motherhood experiences
• Discussing the isolation and challenges of military motherhood
• Importance of building community and support networks
• Sharing personal stories that reveal strength and resilience
• Highlighting mental health and the necessity of self-care
• Future aspirations for the podcast and community engagement
If you would like to stay connected to us, be sure to follow us on Instagram @the_chroniclesmelaninmamas. Also feel free to give us some feedback on more topics you'd like to discuss on motherhood.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi Mamas, welcome to the Chronicles of Melanin Mamas.
We created this podcast ThreeMamas Coming Together to create
a safe space for hot, humble,open and transparent
conversations around how ourpast and present has affected
the way we do motherhood.
So, first and foremost, I wantto introduce myself.
(00:33):
My name is TK and I am a27-year-old mama.
I almost forgot y'all, but I ama 27-year-old mama.
I have two kiddos of my own.
One of them is three.
Yeah, she's three, going on 30.
That's why I forgot y'all she'sthree, going on 30.
And then my son is six yearsold.
(00:56):
I am a full-time mother, I am afull-time student, I am a
full-time wife, so I wear all ofthe hats.
And one day I was just like,let me sit down and figure out
how I can create a podcast andbring other mamas in to just
create a safe space for us tojust talk, because there's so
many things that us mamas got toget up our chest that we don't
talk about.
So I was like, let me call upmy girls, ivy and Ari, and I
(01:20):
just, you know, shot them theidea and they were so excited
about, you know, just doing thepodcast with me.
So, first and foremost, I wantto introduce my first co-host,
ari.
Thanks, tk, not just forintroducing me, but, of course,
for having me and thinking of meas a co-host on this podcast.
Like she stated, my name is Ari.
I am also a 27 year old mom, Iam a military spouse, I'm a
(01:44):
business owner and I'm a mommyof four.
I have an eight year old, a sixyear old, a three year old, a
two year old and baby numberfive will be here in less than
30 days.
So my life is pretty busy.
But I was just absolutelyecstatic when I got the call
from TK, because they say ain'tno hood like motherhood.
(02:07):
So I think every single momshould have a space where they
can, you know, learn, where theycan be motivated, where they
can just, you know, vent, emptyout themselves so they can
continue to be filled, becausewe all have those moments where
we think this is the end of myrope, I don't know, you know
what's coming next, andsometimes, just hearing that you
can do it, you can make it andit's all going to be okay, from,
(02:31):
you know, another mom, somebodywho's going through the same,
similar struggles as you, isexactly the push you need to
keep going.
What about?
Speaker 2 (02:39):
you, ivy.
Well, thank you.
I'm really happy to be a partof this podcast, a space to
allow us to open up, like toother mothers and, just you know
, come up with different topicsto let others know, like hey,
they're not alone and thateverybody's going through the
same struggles.
So I am 28.
I'm a wife and a mother.
I'm in the military active dutycurrently.
Right now, I have a three yearold daughter and I also have
(02:59):
another daughter I'm expectingon the way.
I have a three-year-olddaughter and I also have another
daughter I'm expecting on theway.
But yeah, I'm really excitedfor this podcast.
I'm ready to be open and honestand transparent with everybody.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
So I think this podcast is really going to be a
good one.
I think it's so cool that allof us are on different walks of
life but we all can relatedefinitely in one way, that we
all are military affiliated.
So I definitely want to talkabout that and how.
You know how the military hasreally sculpted our you know
(03:34):
just our familyhood.
To be honest, because I knowfor me, my husband was in the
military for five years.
We did have our first childwhile he was in the military and
it was.
It was a lot.
It was a lot.
He ended up getting sent toKorea for one of his duty
stations and I stayed backbecause we couldn't go, because
(03:56):
our son had to get you knowcertain vaccines that you know
he couldn't get you know at hisyoung age.
So it was I don't know.
It was just a hard time and Ireally feel like, as a military
spouse, it's hard.
Y'all like you serving with theperson and I know for you Ivy.
You and your husband was in themilitary at the same time.
(04:18):
So how did that work out?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
So actually my husband actually got out the
military prior to us even havinga child, but we did end up
going overseas, so that kind ofput a damper on a lot of
different things because we hadour first kid over there.
They're also dealing with thewhole job situation because you
overseas you have to have acertain like a visa and
everything to work.
Also, during COVID, when we hadour child, it was just a lot to
(04:44):
go through because I mean,being the mother and also being
a service member, it puts a lotof stress on you.
But I am very grateful that Idid have people in my corner.
I might not have my familythere, but I had a family within
my unit and organization, sothat was really good.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, that's definitely something that you
need is support, and themilitary does offer that, but
you know you want your familythere.
And one thing you know that Ican say about Ari like Ari, your
husband just got into themilitary.
Like it's so crazy.
Like you uprooted your lifewith all of your tribe and y'all
(05:21):
moved and this is what yourfirst time being away from home
and y'all moved and this is whatyour first time being away from
home, yes, so well, you know,for most people they get married
and their husband or wife isalready in the military and then
they start to grow a family.
Well, my husband did itcompletely backwards.
So when he joined the military,we already had four children
and my youngest baby was onlyfour weeks old, like the day he
(05:43):
left children, and my youngestbaby was only four weeks old,
like the day he left.
So you know, for that wholefirst two and a half months when
he was in boot camp and wecould only talk on Sundays for
like 10 minutes, it wasabsolutely crazy.
So, first of all, shout out toall the single mothers because
for those two and a half months,I definitely was a single mom
and it was one of the hardeststages in my life and, even
(06:08):
though I had a support system, Iwas surrounded by not just my
family but his family as well.
You know, there's nothing likehaving your spouse there, the
person that you created thosechildren with, who's going to
understand you know what youneed them to understand about
parenting, because these are ourbabies, know what you need them
to understand about parentingbecause these are our babies.
And so it.
Number one taught me that I wasstronger than I thought, because
(06:30):
, you know, it's easy to dependon you know, your spouse, when
they're there, but when it'sjust you, you know, and it's
like middle of the nightsituations and you have to, you
know, be both parents.
It also made me appreciate hima lot, lot more because, you
know, I didn't have him doingsome of the things that you know
I was used to him doing, but,um, yep up with my family.
(06:52):
So once we all got through bootcamp and the seven months of
AIT like it was almost a yearbefore we, you know, moved back
in together, um, but it wasbeautiful because, of course, he
changed in some mature ways, Ichanged in some mature ways and
the life that we've created, thehome that we've created.
It was absolutely wortheverything that we went through.
(07:13):
So, yeah, I'm grateful for themilitary.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Wow, that is a very inspiring story, you know I
could imagine you know, like yousaid, having those kids and
just having to uproot your life.
So, you know, adjust to that.
That is a very inspiring story,you know I could imagine, you
know, like you said, havingthose kids and just having to
uproot your life.
So you know, adjust to that.
That is a big adjustment,although I didn't have kids when
I first joined, but just goingthrough the motion of everything
.
So I really commend you on thatbecause that takes a lot.
And I'm glad you know stood byyour husband because at the end
(07:39):
of the day, he's trying to takecare of you and your family.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
So that's awesome.
Thank you, yeah, and Idefinitely agree, girl.
I don't know how you did it,because I know me and Yangyang
girl.
I would sit in the bathroom andyou know I would put him to bed
and a lot of times I would goto the bathroom and I would just
sit on the floor and cry.
I did stay with my aunt and myuncle whenever he did go to
Korea, so I did have somewhat ofa support system.
Like they were amazing.
But it's nothing like havingyour spouse there because ain't
(08:13):
nobody else got to do it.
You know they can be there tosupport you, but your spouse is
like your rock, like.
So when they're there, it's notlike you got to ask them to do
it.
He need to do it, he got to doit, so you ain't got to ask them
to do anything.
So it's just so different likehaving you know different
support other than your spouse.
(08:34):
And definitely 10 out of 10kudos to you for taking care of
those kiddos while he was away,because I know that it was not
easy.
You know my husband was not inboot camp, but he was overseas
and we were on two differenttime zones Like I don't even
know how many difference ofhours Korea has to us.
(08:54):
But it was like when he wasgoing to sleep we were awake,
and when he was awake we wasgoing to sleep.
And you know, yangyang was ababy at the time, so he was on
schedule, we was on a scheduleand if he didn't talk to him,
then sometimes he just didn'ttalk to him.
(09:14):
It was rough now, like, do Imiss the military?
I do I miss, I miss it y'all.
I miss the benefits, um.
I miss the benefits, I miss theum community.
I miss security, like to me,like the military offers that
security that nobody else can.
The one portion I'm stillworking on is the community,
(09:38):
because I am used to beingaround my family, like I'm used
to my support system and havingpeople that I can trust to call
and say, hey, you know, couldyou pick up the girl from school
?
Hey, could you, you know, watchthe two boys while I have a
doctor's appointment?
Like I'm used to that.
And you know, I've tried to makea couple of friends here.
It has not been as successfulas I thought it was going to be.
(10:02):
So I kind of stay in my littlebubble, but I'm still trying,
you know, I'm still trying andI'm trying to embrace the fact
that I now have an opportunityto select who I want in my life
because, you know, I've alwaysbeen around my family, so it's
been like, you know that's yourcousin, you know that's my blood
.
I need to, you know, make therelationship right.
(10:23):
I need to hold on.
You know what I'm saying.
I need to make different thingshappen.
My children need to be aroundthem because that's their family
, but I have the opportunity to,you know, create relationships
with people just because they'regood people.
You know, not because I feelobligated in a way, because
we're tied in a certain way, butthat's the part I'm still
embracing about the military butthe benefits are made.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Like you said, you're around your family and
everything.
But it is very important tobuild that community around you,
because there's going to betimes where you're like, look, I
have no choice.
You know what I mean, you haveto.
But then again, you know what Imean, you, you have to.
But then again you also got tobe cautious, because just
because people are militarydoesn't mean that you know
they're still people.
Um, I will say that's somethingthat I had to do.
I had to trust other people andI had a hard time doing that
(11:09):
because I'm like, I'm soindependent, I want to do
everything on our own.
It was just me and my husbandat the time, but there was times
where we both had to work andI'm like, hey, I have, I have to
find a sitter, although Iwasn't comfortable with it, but
I, you know, I found aconsistent person that was able
to watch her and it reallyhelped out a lot.
So I started opening up and tryto trust people.
So I think that'll be veryimportant.
I really hope that you do finda community out there.
I think that'll really behelpful for you as well.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, I agree.
So my thing was we were veryyoung when my husband and I got
married and he was already inthe military when we got married
.
So when I moved to his dutystation it was really hard for
me not to make friends but to bea part of a lot of things that
(11:54):
was happening with people andtheir wives that they were, you
know, that they were doing inthe military because all they
want to do is drink Okay, theywant to get drunk, they want to
party, and I've done all of thatstuff when I was, when I was
much younger.
So it was just like when I,when, whenever I transitioned
(12:14):
into that married side, like Idon't know, like it just wasn't
like and it wasn't important tome at the time and I just felt
like I was trying to fit in aplace, I put myself in a box
that I wasn't supposed to be in,so that that was my hardest
thing about making friendswithin the military and I just
didn't go outside.
Y'all that that was it for me.
I didn't go outside.
(12:34):
I didn't want to be, be dealingwith nobody.
I wanted it to just be me andmy husband, and then we had a
little kiddo, so I didn't donothing.
So that's where I am now, like Ihave my own village, like I
literally gave birth to my tinybest friend.
So, you know, even if I don'tgo outside or I don't, you know,
go to whatever gathering ishappening, like I still always
(12:55):
have people around me.
You know, that's me.
And um, like you said, um,people are on different pages
and the things I'm trying toinstill in my babies, you know,
and the things I'm trying tomake sure they know, is very,
very, very different than fromwhat a lot of parents allow
their children to do or don'tallow their children to do, and
(13:18):
that can be another conflictingthing.
You know, adulting is alreadyhard, you know, even with your
spouse.
You know, because I came fromone household, he came from one
household, and we have to mergethose two things together.
And then, you know, you meetother parents and their kids are
around your kids and it's like,well, mommy, why can't I do
that?
So it for me, like, like yousaid, that bubble, this is my
(13:38):
safe space, like I know, withinthese walls they're safe, I'm
safe and I'm exposed to anythingthey shouldn't be exposed to,
you know.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
So it's kind of like just letting that, that guard
down, is a tough boundary for me, I feel like you'll definitely,
you know, meet your people,because you know, oftentimes we
go out there looking for thingsand we find it, but not what we
really want.
Like I've had that experiencewhere I'm like, oh, I want to
meet mom friends, like becominga new mom, and I'm like I'm just
(14:07):
around these people because Ineed somebody to be around and I
started realizing I don't haveanything coming with these
people.
Besides, we've got kids but Ifeel like, as you know, as we
grow as adults, it's importantto have people around us that
have a good mindset, that hasgood parenting skills and, you
know, somebody can really relyon, you know.
So I think that's veryimportant too, just like with us
(14:28):
talking.
Like you know, I feel I feelvery good about this podcast so
far already, because we'realready being open, transparent
about our experiences.
You know you guys being amilitary spouse and me being a
mother in the military.
So, yeah, it's definitely a lotand it can you know it can take
a toll on both sides and I justlike seeing you guys'
perspective.
For me at least, I always feltlike, oh, military spouses, like
(14:49):
you know, they just get to stayhome and take care of the kids,
but not realizing that's stilla lot of work, and you, that's
still a lot of work, and youshouldn't, you know, downplay
someone's position, because younever know what they're going
through.
So just hearing you guys likethat just changed my whole
perspective on how I view.
You know mothers that aren't inthe military as well, so I
really appreciate you guys foreven sharing that.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, no, definitely.
Thank you for sharing.
You know just your, your rolein being in the military,
because that's crazy.
I never thought about you beingin the military and then you
having to raise a child.
Like it's just so different.
And one thing we know all threeof us the military owns you.
Once you're in the military,they tell you to jump, they tell
(15:30):
you how high to jump and allthe other craziness.
So it's just like being theperson that has to carry the
child and has to deliver thechild and also being in the
military.
That's a lot Like I can onlyimagine like the stress level
just on top, you know, on top ofthat.
But, girl, I be looking at yoursocial media and I be like girl
(15:55):
, you be having all types offriends?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
No, I really do have.
Like I have some good people inmy corner.
You know, social media, socialmedia, and I was like girl, you
be having all types of friends.
No, I really do have.
Like, I have some good peoplein my corner.
Um, you know, social media,social media, like, at the end
of the day, like there's only afew I can't rely on.
But yeah, I will say like, justbeing a mother in the military,
it's a lot like there's times,like you know, I was coming back
from maternity leave to havingto readjust everything, still
having to be that soldierbecause you're still getting
evaluated, you're still goingthrough the motions, like the
(16:19):
army's still gonna go along.
You know, roll soldier andcoming back with the
breastfeeding and all this stuffand just having to.
You know, as a mother, I, likeyou know you want to take the
kids to the appointments, youwant to do all these things and
having to feel like you have toexplain yourself on why you're a
new mother.
You have to give yourself thatgrace and I'm glad that I was in
a unit where they're allowed to.
You know, they gave me thatgrace being here in my new unit.
(16:42):
It's kind of like a lot ofthese people are older and I'm
one of the youngest people here,so I feel like I always have to
over explain like, oh, I got,my kid has appointment or this,
and I feel bad.
And I'm like, why am I feelingbad?
At the end of the day, likethey know, I have a child.
Like you know, I shouldn't feelbad for taking care of my
family, cause you know you gotto take care of yourself and
take care of your family.
Like I mean, at the end of theday, yes, the military does
(17:02):
provide security, but for me atleast, even though you guys know
I am getting out, I'm gettingout because I want to be there
for every step of the way for mychild.
And I feel like because they'relike, oh well, let's use an
example, they have a wife todepend on at home.
For me, I'm like I am the wife,I am the mother, I am the
(17:23):
soldier.
So it's a lot on me and I justwant to be able to still.
I'm still going to provide thesecurity for my child, but I
also want to be there for mychild every step of the way,
cause I never had that growingup.
I want to be the mother I neverhad.
So yeah, it really it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Sorry guys, sorry, I didn't mean to get anybody
emotional listen, let me giveyou your prop number one for
being pregnant in the military.
Because, like when we had onecar, like well, we have one car
now.
So, um, we had two cars andthen we sold our other, smaller
car and now we're in process ofgetting him a motorcycle, I know
(18:00):
Anywho, like when I have to getup in the morning to take him
to work, you know, and I'm tired, I know I get to come back home
, you know, at some point in theday and take a nap, you know,
and rest or whatever.
But even just pregnancy byitself is a beast.
So being pregnant and being asoldier, you know you gotta get
up, you gotta be there at thistime, you gotta wear, you know
(18:21):
I'm saying you gotta be in thisuniform.
You have to be in your soldiermindset.
When, like, your hormones areprobably like girl go to sleep,
you need an extra snow.
You know I'm saying like justhaving to be in that, you know,
in that schedule and your bodyis going haywire.
It's just.
I commend you because I'm eightmonths pregnant.
I cannot imagine, like you know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, it is a lot, and I feel like a lot of people
since we have people that are inthe military, that are mothers
they feel like every mothershould be doing the same things.
You know, as we think women aresupposed to stick together, a
lot of moms in the military.
It's crazy, because a lot ofmoms in the military that
they've been the ones thatcriticize you the most.
Well, I did this when I waspregnant.
I did this.
We should be understandingbecause we're all women.
(19:04):
You know what I mean.
Like I get it if a man says,hey, I don't get why she's so
tired, they don't understandbecause they're not a woman,
they're not a woman carryingyour child.
So like, yeah, you get to gohome and go back to sleep.
Like there's days when I'm likeman, I can't.
I can't do this today, I reallycan't, but I have to.
So it takes.
It takes a lot.
I will say this pregnancy hasbeen a lot rougher on me because
of my unit.
(19:24):
They're not very understandingwhen it comes to certain things,
but I will say I just I justget up and definitely a lot I
mean, especially with my husbandworking nights it feels like,
you know, I'm here, like I'mtaking all of it on.
You know I'm trying to bestrong and you know my kids are
(19:46):
going to be happy and healthy.
I'll make sure whatever theyneed they have.
But also it is important asmothers so we still have to put
ourselves first to take care ofourselves as well.
So I think that's one thingthat we kind of steer away from.
We're like well, I got to takecare of my kids, I got to make
sure my kids are happy, but areyou happy?
You have to make sure yourwell-being is good as well.
To make sure they're, you know,even better off.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
So yeah, so I when I choose something Ivy like.
I know you said you're gettingout of the military, but would
you ever consider going back andretiring?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
No, so I think, with me at least.
I am not in a place where I'mmentally happy anymore and I
feel like I'm not passionateabout doing this.
So I will say, you know, mymindset was different when I was
, you know, single, didn't haveany kids.
I'm like, yeah, man, I've been20 years and you know, I'm like
it's just 20 years Like I goteverything I need, I got a
paycheck, I got housing over myhead, all these things.
(20:40):
But it took a lot of self likejust evaluating everything, like
, yes, the military does providecertain things and everything
like that.
But like, let's use an example,we had a mission and I like, at
the time I was six monthspregnant, I worked 96 you know,
(21:03):
I'm not getting paid extra, I'mtired, I'm stressed, there's
nothing I can do about it.
And I feel like at this time inmy life I want to be doing
something, that I feelpassionate about it and I feel
like the military has been greatto me.
You know I have my downfallsand everything, but I think it's
God's just telling me hey, look, it's time to move on and if
things don't work out, themilitary is always going to be
there.
Yeah, it's a lot, you know, andyou know, with me I'm like I'm
(21:24):
going to get out.
I've been staying there foryears and I stayed in and I feel
like a lot of times I stayed inbecause I'm like, well, it is
security, it's financial, youknow, my family's going to be
taken care of, but I mean, I'vebeen able to do what I need to
do while I've been in.
So I feel like I'll be stillset when I get out.
And I had this experiencebecause I'll say 10 more to keep
pushing, but that's still.
(21:45):
It's still a lot.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I want to touch on what you said.
Like she said, I'm getting outbecause mentally I'm not happy
anymore and this isn't mypassion.
That is not only like a hugelife thing, because a lot of
people stay in situations justfor the benefits, the
comfortability, whatever.
But that's a mom thing too,because I know a lot of people
(22:08):
who have stayed in situations,relationships, just for the
comfortability and the thingsthat it provides, instead of
saying, hey, does this reallymake me happy?
Am I really benefiting fromthis?
So that shout out to you likebig ups to you for choosing your
happiness over everything else.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yes, for sure.
I feel like you know we onlyhave one life to live and, you
know, at times I'm like I'mgoing to stay in, but I'm like
why?
You know I'm doing it?
Because everyone else istelling me to do it.
You know, what do I really wantat the end of the day, like
this is not something that I'mgoing to let take over my life
anymore.
So, yeah, I just.
You know it's a lot, but youknow I'm very hopeful.
I got all my ducks in a row andyou know I got a plan ahead and
(22:51):
that's the good thing about alot of people get out.
They don't have a plan.
And you know the military, likeI said, the military is always
going to be there.
It is a stepping stone.
I'm very grateful that it, youknow, provided me all these
opportunities and everythinglike that.
But, yeah, finances, you canalways find a job that pays more
.
You know, not saying that everyjob you go to you're going to
like, but at least I get thechoice to choose.
(23:12):
I won't be under a contract.
If I want to go leave today, Ican leave tomorrow.
You know what I mean.
Like I can find a different job.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
So yeah, I think the most important thing that I took
from what you said is that youuse the military like they use
you.
You said it, but you didn't sayit like that.
But that's just the mostimportant thing, because you
know, when you get into themilitary and I can only speak
because I had a spouse in themilitary so when you get into
(23:39):
the military, sometimes youdon't use all the necessary
tools that they give you, andthey give you all the tools.
It's just what you're going todo with those tools.
So I'm so proud of you for justmaking your own way for your
family, because you really did,because you could have got out
the military and your husbandcould have stayed in, you know.
(24:01):
So I'm just so proud of you tojust continue that legacy for
your family.
And I know it's not easy, but,girl, you did the damn thing and
I'm so proud of you to justcontinue that legacy for your
family.
And I know it's not easy, but,girl, you did the damn thing and
I'm so proud of you.
So kudos, kudos.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, I mean, I mean I don't know you guys, this may
be a little off topic, but I'llstill, you know, get my GI bills
so I can still.
You know, if I want to go toschool, I get payments for that.
Also, I can file VA claims,which is disability, when you
get out, so you can receivecompensation from, you know, the
military.
I put enough time so I know I'mgetting some damn money.
(24:35):
Look like you say you have tobe out there using the resources
.
I mean a lot of.
The military does provide a lotof resources, especially for
veterans, and I do my research,honey.
Like I am definitely going toget my damn compensation If I
put in almost 10 years, they'regoing to give me something.
So yeah.
Yeah, I'm hopeful.
There's things that I can doand I'll be set up, so I'm not
(24:57):
really too worried about it.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, definitely so if you wanted to stay out of
work for a while and just reallyfocus on what you want to do,
you know you have that residualincome, ari.
What you want to do, you knowyou have that residual income,
ari.
I want to bring you in becauseyou know you know all about
residual income, girl, so tellus a little bit more about what
you do.
You know I wear a few differenthats.
(25:20):
My main source of income that'slike visible to social media is
the company that we were a partof together.
I sell accessories from home.
So I am basically like I'm notgoing to say a content creator,
because I mean that's part of it, but you know, I'm just I'm a
social media personality, if youwill.
So I do my live shows and Ihave a website and I sell
(25:44):
jewelry from there.
I'm also a makeup artist.
I love all things beauty andhair and things like that.
So I'm here recently.
I haven't done a lot of makeupsince I moved where I am, but I
still do my virtual classes andmy one-on-ones, and then I also
(26:05):
do a little bit of graphics hereand there.
So I make business cards andflyers and invitations and
things for people who are havingevents and those who have
businesses and different youknow functions that they need
flyers for.
So that's how I make my moolahby staying at home with all of
(26:28):
my babies, and I wouldn't haveit any other way because I'm one
of those people who I justdon't believe God made me to
punch a clock for anybody,because, no, I've had a job
before, I've had a few.
I've had three, I think threejobs total in my entire adult
life and I'm grateful for everyone of them because you know,
they taught me a lesson, taughtme several lessons, and I use a
(26:51):
lot of that, you know, in justmy everyday dealing with people
and my customer service and howI carry myself.
But I'm definitely grateful forwhat I do because, number one,
I love people, not just mylittle people, but I love
inspiring people and motivatingpeople and getting a check while
being able to do what Iabsolutely love.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
It's just a big plus.
I love that, like you're stillworking, you're still getting
some income, but you're doingthings you actually love.
And I like the fact youmentioned I'm not punching in
the pocket.
Like you know, I'm making money.
I'm doing what I love.
You love makeup.
You're still being able to bewith your family, take care of
your family Like that's reallygood, like a lot of people wish
they could have that, you know,yeah, I really like that and I'm
(27:32):
glad that you're able to evendo that.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Honestly, y'all are amazing, like no jokes.
All games aside, I'm so proudof y'all, of y'all.
I'm so happy for y'all and I'mjust so happy for our journey on
.
You know, with this new podcast, y'all, like we did it.
We did our first episode, guys.
We were nervous.
(27:55):
We were nervous coming in heretalking to you guys because,
first of all, it's sonerve-wracking talking about
motherhood.
The world is so sensitive now.
Everybody feels a certain wayabout what parenting looks like
and how it should look.
And one thing about me I'mgoing to parent my kids the way
I know to parent my kids.
Like it's not going to be.
You know what everybody says,what social media says or what
(28:20):
you know like there's no rulebook to parenthood.
There's no rule book to being amama and hood, there's no rule
book to being a mama.
Like, first and foremost, themkids come out of us, they get
plopped on our chest and we'rejust supposed to know and that's
the scary part about it likethey just send you this.
First of all, everybodyshouldn't be having kids first
(28:40):
and foremost, but they reallyjust send them babies on us and
be like go about your business.
Ain't that crazy?
Absolutely.
And now, like they, it's like,you know, it used to be like a
two-day stay at minimum.
No, it's like it's almost like24 hours, almost like 18 hours.
Okay, the baby's out, all ofy'all are good.
(29:01):
You're peeing, you're pooping,the baby's peeing and pooping.
Get out of here.
And I say that to my husband allthe time.
I literally say, who, let me besomebody's mother.
Like, don't get me wrong.
Like I absolutely love mychildren, but some days it's
like I sit down and I'm like yo,where's the parent?
Because I'm tired of being aparent today.
(29:22):
Like the responsibility iscrazy, especially, like you said
, in today's time.
Like parenthood has changed somuch from when we were kids and
what we were allowed to do, totimes today.
Like they're just babies thatdon't get an opportunity to be
babies and they don't even knowit and it's just, it's wild.
(29:43):
It's wild, you know.
But you know, gave us our props,we got to give you your props
too.
You are an incredible mother.
I'm grateful to have had, youknow, a front row seat to see
how Yonis has grown so big, andthen, you know, to see you get
your little girl and she is soadorable and just to watch you
be, you know, a student, afull-time student, a full-time
(30:06):
employee and a wife and a mom,and still do it with the grace
that you do.
It's absolutely incredible.
And here you are creating apodcast, inviting us, as you
know, your co-host, and we'reall doing a damn thing, giving
us the opportunity to speakabout, you know, the highs, the
lows and, in between, themotherhood, but we appreciate
you too, girl.
You're doing a damn thing.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yes, you definitely are doing the thing, girl.
Like that's a lot.
You know, we all wear a lot ofdifferent hats and I think we're
all doing an awesome job.
You know, we got to giveourselves a clap on the back
Like we did this.
Y'all we did good.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
But no, thank you guys so much.
Um, yeah, I'm tired y'all.
And before we end this podcast,I just want to say good job,
guys, because these ladies overhere sitting with these loads,
they heavy y'all.
They are about to buzz.
So they didn't sound like theywas out of breath, they kept
talking.
Listen, better them than me,okay, wow, better than them.
(31:07):
I'm just so happy for y'all.
Y'all bundles of joys that'scoming and I cannot wait to meet
them.
Oh, I cannot wait to meet them.
And you know, just plan ourfamily trip together and just
get closer.
Because, at the end of the day,this podcast is just not even
about.
It's not just about you know ustelling our stories, but it's
just not even about it's notjust about you know us telling
(31:28):
our stories, but it's also aboutus just coming together and
just becoming a family, becausethe crazy part that y'all don't
know is that Ari and Ivy did notknow each other.
So us coming together and howeverything is just how we just
all click.
Like I'm just so thankful toGod that he brought us together,
like I never even knew that wewould be here.
So thank you guys so much onceagain for just being a part of
(31:51):
this journey with me and, youknow, let's ride it till the
wheels fall off.
Let's do it.
Hell yeah, I'm in All right.
Well, guys, this was our firstepisode of the Chronicles of
Melanin Mamas.
Season one is about to begin.
We love you, guys.
We thank you for supporting usand we'll make sure to have our
(32:12):
social media handles up.
Follow, email us and, you know,just give us some ideas on what
to talk about, what you want tohear, and also just your
motherhood stories, because Iknow y'all got some crazy ones,
especially if you got somelittle color in your skin.
We know that you got some hottopics to talk about.
So just let us know and youknow we love you and any closing
(32:35):
remarks from you, ari, I'mexcited to hear those crazy
stories as well.
I'm just excited to see how thecommunity is going to grow
because I know, once people aregiven the opportunity, you know
to have that safe space and theyknow that, you know all is well
and is welcome.
I'm just excited to, you know,be a part of something positive.
The world has so much to offer,you know, sometimes more bad
(32:58):
than good, but to be a part ofsomething that you know is going
to just uplift people.
Strengthen them, make themlaugh, keep them going is always
incredible.
What about you, ivy?
Speaker 2 (33:05):
strengthen them, make them laugh keep them going is
always incredible.
What about you, Ivy?
Yeah, I'm really excited aboutthis.
I mean, I feel really goodabout it because we're just able
, we're just talking normal andlike I really enjoy just talking
about you know, just motherhoodin general and like being a
parent.
So, yeah, I think we have a lotto offer and I'm really looking
forward to this season and more.
So thank you, guys for tuningin on us.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
All right, guys.
Us mamas are signing out.
Bye, hey.
Thank you for listening.
If you would like to stayconnected to us, be sure to
follow us on Instagram at theunderscore Chronicles Melanin
Mamas.
Also feel free to give us somefeedback on more topics you'd
like to discuss on motherhood.
(33:48):
We really would appreciate itif you would review and follow
us on wherever you listen toyour podcast.
Bye mamas.
Hi Mamas, welcome to the Chronicles of Melanin Mamas.
We created this podcast ThreeMamas Coming Together to create
a safe space for hot, humble,open and transparent
conversations around how ourpast and present has affected
the way we do motherhood.
So, first and foremost, I wantto introduce myself.
(00:33):
My name is TK and I am a27-year-old mama.
I almost forgot y'all, but I ama 27-year-old mama.
I have two kiddos of my own.
One of them is three.
Yeah, she's three, going on 30.
That's why I forgot y'all she'sthree, going on 30.
And then my son is six yearsold.
(00:56):
I am a full-time mother, I am afull-time student, I am a
full-time wife, so I wear all ofthe hats.
And one day I was just like,let me sit down and figure out
how I can create a podcast andbring other mamas in to just
create a safe space for us tojust talk, because there's so
many things that us mamas got toget up our chest that we don't
talk about.
So I was like, let me call upmy girls, ivy and Ari, and I
(01:20):
just, you know, shot them theidea and they were so excited
about, you know, just doing thepodcast with me.
So, first and foremost, I wantto introduce my first co-host,
ari.
Thanks, tk, not just forintroducing me, but, of course,
for having me and thinking of meas a co-host on this podcast.
Like she stated, my name is Ari.
I am also a 27 year old mom, Iam a military spouse, I'm a
(01:44):
business owner and I'm a mommyof four.
I have an eight year old, a sixyear old, a three year old, a
two year old and baby numberfive will be here in less than
30 days.
So my life is pretty busy.
But I was just absolutelyecstatic when I got the call
from TK, because they say ain'tno hood like motherhood.
(02:07):
So I think every single momshould have a space where they
can, you know, learn, where theycan be motivated, where they
can just, you know, vent, emptyout themselves so they can
continue to be filled, becausewe all have those moments where
we think this is the end of myrope, I don't know, you know
what's coming next, andsometimes, just hearing that you
can do it, you can make it andit's all going to be okay, from,
(02:31):
you know, another mom, somebodywho's going through the same,
similar struggles as you, isexactly the push you need to
keep going.
What about?
Speaker 2 (02:39):
you, ivy.
Well, thank you.
I'm really happy to be a partof this podcast, a space to
allow us to open up, like toother mothers and, just you know
, come up with different topicsto let others know, like hey,
they're not alone and thateverybody's going through the
same struggles.
So I am 28.
I'm a wife and a mother.
I'm in the military active dutycurrently.
Right now, I have a three yearold daughter and I also have
(02:59):
another daughter I'm expectingon the way.
I have a three-year-olddaughter and I also have another
daughter I'm expecting on theway.
But yeah, I'm really excitedfor this podcast.
I'm ready to be open and honestand transparent with everybody.
Speaker 1 (03:13):
So I think this podcast is really going to be a
good one.
I think it's so cool that allof us are on different walks of
life but we all can relatedefinitely in one way, that we
all are military affiliated.
So I definitely want to talkabout that and how.
You know how the military hasreally sculpted our you know
(03:34):
just our familyhood.
To be honest, because I knowfor me, my husband was in the
military for five years.
We did have our first childwhile he was in the military and
it was.
It was a lot.
It was a lot.
He ended up getting sent toKorea for one of his duty
stations and I stayed backbecause we couldn't go, because
(03:56):
our son had to get you knowcertain vaccines that you know
he couldn't get you know at hisyoung age.
So it was I don't know.
It was just a hard time and Ireally feel like, as a military
spouse, it's hard.
Y'all like you serving with theperson and I know for you Ivy.
You and your husband was in themilitary at the same time.
(04:18):
So how did that work out?
Speaker 2 (04:20):
So actually my husband actually got out the
military prior to us even havinga child, but we did end up
going overseas, so that kind ofput a damper on a lot of
different things because we hadour first kid over there.
They're also dealing with thewhole job situation because you
overseas you have to have acertain like a visa and
everything to work.
Also, during COVID, when we hadour child, it was just a lot to
(04:44):
go through because I mean,being the mother and also being
a service member, it puts a lotof stress on you.
But I am very grateful that Idid have people in my corner.
I might not have my familythere, but I had a family within
my unit and organization, sothat was really good.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, that's definitely something that you
need is support, and themilitary does offer that, but
you know you want your familythere.
And one thing you know that Ican say about Ari like Ari, your
husband just got into themilitary.
Like it's so crazy.
Like you uprooted your lifewith all of your tribe and y'all
(05:21):
moved and this is what yourfirst time being away from home
and y'all moved and this is whatyour first time being away from
home, yes, so well, you know,for most people they get married
and their husband or wife isalready in the military and then
they start to grow a family.
Well, my husband did itcompletely backwards.
So when he joined the military,we already had four children
and my youngest baby was onlyfour weeks old, like the day he
(05:43):
left children, and my youngestbaby was only four weeks old,
like the day he left.
So you know, for that wholefirst two and a half months when
he was in boot camp and wecould only talk on Sundays for
like 10 minutes, it wasabsolutely crazy.
So, first of all, shout out toall the single mothers because
for those two and a half months,I definitely was a single mom
and it was one of the hardeststages in my life and, even
(06:08):
though I had a support system, Iwas surrounded by not just my
family but his family as well.
You know, there's nothing likehaving your spouse there, the
person that you created thosechildren with, who's going to
understand you know what youneed them to understand about
parenting, because these are ourbabies, know what you need them
to understand about parentingbecause these are our babies.
And so it.
Number one taught me that I wasstronger than I thought, because
(06:30):
, you know, it's easy to dependon you know, your spouse, when
they're there, but when it'sjust you, you know, and it's
like middle of the nightsituations and you have to, you
know, be both parents.
It also made me appreciate hima lot, lot more because, you
know, I didn't have him doingsome of the things that you know
I was used to him doing, but,um, yep up with my family.
(06:52):
So once we all got through bootcamp and the seven months of
AIT like it was almost a yearbefore we, you know, moved back
in together, um, but it wasbeautiful because, of course, he
changed in some mature ways, Ichanged in some mature ways and
the life that we've created, thehome that we've created.
It was absolutely wortheverything that we went through.
(07:13):
So, yeah, I'm grateful for themilitary.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Wow, that is a very inspiring story, you know I
could imagine you know, like yousaid, having those kids and
just having to uproot your life.
So, you know, adjust to that.
That is a very inspiring story,you know I could imagine, you
know, like you said, havingthose kids and just having to
uproot your life.
So you know, adjust to that.
That is a big adjustment,although I didn't have kids when
I first joined, but just goingthrough the motion of everything
.
So I really commend you on thatbecause that takes a lot.
And I'm glad you know stood byyour husband because at the end
(07:39):
of the day, he's trying to takecare of you and your family.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
So that's awesome.
Thank you, yeah, and Idefinitely agree, girl.
I don't know how you did it,because I know me and Yangyang
girl.
I would sit in the bathroom andyou know I would put him to bed
and a lot of times I would goto the bathroom and I would just
sit on the floor and cry.
I did stay with my aunt and myuncle whenever he did go to
Korea, so I did have somewhat ofa support system.
Like they were amazing.
But it's nothing like havingyour spouse there because ain't
(08:13):
nobody else got to do it.
You know they can be there tosupport you, but your spouse is
like your rock, like.
So when they're there, it's notlike you got to ask them to do
it.
He need to do it, he got to doit, so you ain't got to ask them
to do anything.
So it's just so different likehaving you know different
support other than your spouse.
(08:34):
And definitely 10 out of 10kudos to you for taking care of
those kiddos while he was away,because I know that it was not
easy.
You know my husband was not inboot camp, but he was overseas
and we were on two differenttime zones Like I don't even
know how many difference ofhours Korea has to us.
(08:54):
But it was like when he wasgoing to sleep we were awake,
and when he was awake we wasgoing to sleep.
And you know, yangyang was ababy at the time, so he was on
schedule, we was on a scheduleand if he didn't talk to him,
then sometimes he just didn'ttalk to him.
(09:14):
It was rough now, like, do Imiss the military?
I do I miss, I miss it y'all.
I miss the benefits, um.
I miss the benefits, I miss theum community.
I miss security, like to me,like the military offers that
security that nobody else can.
The one portion I'm stillworking on is the community,
(09:38):
because I am used to beingaround my family, like I'm used
to my support system and havingpeople that I can trust to call
and say, hey, you know, couldyou pick up the girl from school
?
Hey, could you, you know, watchthe two boys while I have a
doctor's appointment?
Like I'm used to that.
And you know, I've tried to makea couple of friends here.
It has not been as successfulas I thought it was going to be.
(10:02):
So I kind of stay in my littlebubble, but I'm still trying,
you know, I'm still trying andI'm trying to embrace the fact
that I now have an opportunityto select who I want in my life
because, you know, I've alwaysbeen around my family, so it's
been like, you know that's yourcousin, you know that's my blood
.
I need to, you know, make therelationship right.
(10:23):
I need to hold on.
You know what I'm saying.
I need to make different thingshappen.
My children need to be aroundthem because that's their family
, but I have the opportunity to,you know, create relationships
with people just because they'regood people.
You know, not because I feelobligated in a way, because
we're tied in a certain way, butthat's the part I'm still
embracing about the military butthe benefits are made.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
Like you said, you're around your family and
everything.
But it is very important tobuild that community around you,
because there's going to betimes where you're like, look, I
have no choice.
You know what I mean, you haveto.
But then again, you know what Imean, you, you have to.
But then again you also got tobe cautious, because just
because people are militarydoesn't mean that you know
they're still people.
Um, I will say that's somethingthat I had to do.
I had to trust other people andI had a hard time doing that
(11:09):
because I'm like, I'm soindependent, I want to do
everything on our own.
It was just me and my husbandat the time, but there was times
where we both had to work andI'm like, hey, I have, I have to
find a sitter, although Iwasn't comfortable with it, but
I, you know, I found aconsistent person that was able
to watch her and it reallyhelped out a lot.
So I started opening up and tryto trust people.
So I think that'll be veryimportant.
I really hope that you do finda community out there.
I think that'll really behelpful for you as well.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Yeah, I agree.
So my thing was we were veryyoung when my husband and I got
married and he was already inthe military when we got married
.
So when I moved to his dutystation it was really hard for
me not to make friends but to bea part of a lot of things that
(11:54):
was happening with people andtheir wives that they were, you
know, that they were doing inthe military because all they
want to do is drink Okay, theywant to get drunk, they want to
party, and I've done all of thatstuff when I was, when I was
much younger.
So it was just like when I,when, whenever I transitioned
(12:14):
into that married side, like Idon't know, like it just wasn't
like and it wasn't important tome at the time and I just felt
like I was trying to fit in aplace, I put myself in a box
that I wasn't supposed to be in,so that that was my hardest
thing about making friendswithin the military and I just
didn't go outside.
Y'all that that was it for me.
I didn't go outside.
(12:34):
I didn't want to be, be dealingwith nobody.
I wanted it to just be me andmy husband, and then we had a
little kiddo, so I didn't donothing.
So that's where I am now, like Ihave my own village, like I
literally gave birth to my tinybest friend.
So, you know, even if I don'tgo outside or I don't, you know,
go to whatever gathering ishappening, like I still always
(12:55):
have people around me.
You know, that's me.
And um, like you said, um,people are on different pages
and the things I'm trying toinstill in my babies, you know,
and the things I'm trying tomake sure they know, is very,
very, very different than fromwhat a lot of parents allow
their children to do or don'tallow their children to do, and
(13:18):
that can be another conflictingthing.
You know, adulting is alreadyhard, you know, even with your
spouse.
You know, because I came fromone household, he came from one
household, and we have to mergethose two things together.
And then, you know, you meetother parents and their kids are
around your kids and it's like,well, mommy, why can't I do
that?
So it for me, like, like yousaid, that bubble, this is my
(13:38):
safe space, like I know, withinthese walls they're safe, I'm
safe and I'm exposed to anythingthey shouldn't be exposed to,
you know.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
So it's kind of like just letting that, that guard
down, is a tough boundary for me, I feel like you'll definitely,
you know, meet your people,because you know, oftentimes we
go out there looking for thingsand we find it, but not what we
really want.
Like I've had that experiencewhere I'm like, oh, I want to
meet mom friends, like becominga new mom, and I'm like I'm just
(14:07):
around these people because Ineed somebody to be around and I
started realizing I don't haveanything coming with these
people.
Besides, we've got kids but Ifeel like, as you know, as we
grow as adults, it's importantto have people around us that
have a good mindset, that hasgood parenting skills and, you
know, somebody can really relyon, you know.
So I think that's veryimportant too, just like with us
(14:28):
talking.
Like you know, I feel I feelvery good about this podcast so
far already, because we'realready being open, transparent
about our experiences.
You know you guys being amilitary spouse and me being a
mother in the military.
So, yeah, it's definitely a lotand it can you know it can take
a toll on both sides and I justlike seeing you guys'
perspective.
For me at least, I always feltlike, oh, military spouses, like
(14:49):
you know, they just get to stayhome and take care of the kids,
but not realizing that's stilla lot of work, and you, that's
still a lot of work, and youshouldn't, you know, downplay
someone's position, because younever know what they're going
through.
So just hearing you guys likethat just changed my whole
perspective on how I view.
You know mothers that aren't inthe military as well, so I
really appreciate you guys foreven sharing that.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Yeah, no, definitely.
Thank you for sharing.
You know just your, your rolein being in the military,
because that's crazy.
I never thought about you beingin the military and then you
having to raise a child.
Like it's just so different.
And one thing we know all threeof us the military owns you.
Once you're in the military,they tell you to jump, they tell
(15:30):
you how high to jump and allthe other craziness.
So it's just like being theperson that has to carry the
child and has to deliver thechild and also being in the
military.
That's a lot Like I can onlyimagine like the stress level
just on top, you know, on top ofthat.
But, girl, I be looking at yoursocial media and I be like girl
(15:55):
, you be having all types offriends?
Speaker 2 (15:57):
No, I really do have.
Like I have some good people inmy corner.
You know, social media, socialmedia, and I was like girl, you
be having all types of friends.
No, I really do have.
Like, I have some good peoplein my corner.
Um, you know, social media,social media, like, at the end
of the day, like there's only afew I can't rely on.
But yeah, I will say like, justbeing a mother in the military,
it's a lot like there's times,like you know, I was coming back
from maternity leave to havingto readjust everything, still
having to be that soldierbecause you're still getting
evaluated, you're still goingthrough the motions, like the
(16:19):
army's still gonna go along.
You know, roll soldier andcoming back with the
breastfeeding and all this stuffand just having to.
You know, as a mother, I, likeyou know you want to take the
kids to the appointments, youwant to do all these things and
having to feel like you have toexplain yourself on why you're a
new mother.
You have to give yourself thatgrace and I'm glad that I was in
a unit where they're allowed to.
You know, they gave me thatgrace being here in my new unit.
(16:42):
It's kind of like a lot ofthese people are older and I'm
one of the youngest people here,so I feel like I always have to
over explain like, oh, I got,my kid has appointment or this,
and I feel bad.
And I'm like, why am I feelingbad?
At the end of the day, likethey know, I have a child.
Like you know, I shouldn't feelbad for taking care of my
family, cause you know you gotto take care of yourself and
take care of your family.
Like I mean, at the end of theday, yes, the military does
(17:02):
provide security, but for me atleast, even though you guys know
I am getting out, I'm gettingout because I want to be there
for every step of the way for mychild.
And I feel like because they'relike, oh well, let's use an
example, they have a wife todepend on at home.
For me, I'm like I am the wife,I am the mother, I am the
(17:23):
soldier.
So it's a lot on me and I justwant to be able to still.
I'm still going to provide thesecurity for my child, but I
also want to be there for mychild every step of the way,
cause I never had that growingup.
I want to be the mother I neverhad.
So yeah, it really it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (17:38):
Sorry guys, sorry, I didn't mean to get anybody
emotional listen, let me giveyou your prop number one for
being pregnant in the military.
Because, like when we had onecar, like well, we have one car
now.
So, um, we had two cars andthen we sold our other, smaller
car and now we're in process ofgetting him a motorcycle, I know
(18:00):
Anywho, like when I have to getup in the morning to take him
to work, you know, and I'm tired, I know I get to come back home
, you know, at some point in theday and take a nap, you know,
and rest or whatever.
But even just pregnancy byitself is a beast.
So being pregnant and being asoldier, you know you gotta get
up, you gotta be there at thistime, you gotta wear, you know
(18:21):
I'm saying you gotta be in thisuniform.
You have to be in your soldiermindset.
When, like, your hormones areprobably like girl go to sleep,
you need an extra snow.
You know I'm saying like justhaving to be in that, you know,
in that schedule and your bodyis going haywire.
It's just.
I commend you because I'm eightmonths pregnant.
I cannot imagine, like you know, what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
Yeah, it is a lot, and I feel like a lot of people
since we have people that are inthe military, that are mothers
they feel like every mothershould be doing the same things.
You know, as we think women aresupposed to stick together, a
lot of moms in the military.
It's crazy, because a lot ofmoms in the military that
they've been the ones thatcriticize you the most.
Well, I did this when I waspregnant.
I did this.
We should be understandingbecause we're all women.
(19:04):
You know what I mean.
Like I get it if a man says,hey, I don't get why she's so
tired, they don't understandbecause they're not a woman,
they're not a woman carryingyour child.
So like, yeah, you get to gohome and go back to sleep.
Like there's days when I'm likeman, I can't.
I can't do this today, I reallycan't, but I have to.
So it takes.
It takes a lot.
I will say this pregnancy hasbeen a lot rougher on me because
of my unit.
(19:24):
They're not very understandingwhen it comes to certain things,
but I will say I just I justget up and definitely a lot I
mean, especially with my husbandworking nights it feels like,
you know, I'm here, like I'mtaking all of it on.
You know I'm trying to bestrong and you know my kids are
(19:46):
going to be happy and healthy.
I'll make sure whatever theyneed they have.
But also it is important asmothers so we still have to put
ourselves first to take care ofourselves as well.
So I think that's one thingthat we kind of steer away from.
We're like well, I got to takecare of my kids, I got to make
sure my kids are happy, but areyou happy?
You have to make sure yourwell-being is good as well.
To make sure they're, you know,even better off.
Speaker 1 (20:05):
So yeah, so I when I choose something Ivy like.
I know you said you're gettingout of the military, but would
you ever consider going back andretiring?
Speaker 2 (20:19):
No, so I think, with me at least.
I am not in a place where I'mmentally happy anymore and I
feel like I'm not passionateabout doing this.
So I will say, you know, mymindset was different when I was
, you know, single, didn't haveany kids.
I'm like, yeah, man, I've been20 years and you know, I'm like
it's just 20 years Like I goteverything I need, I got a
paycheck, I got housing over myhead, all these things.
(20:40):
But it took a lot of self likejust evaluating everything, like
, yes, the military does providecertain things and everything
like that.
But like, let's use an example,we had a mission and I like, at
the time I was six monthspregnant, I worked 96 you know,
(21:03):
I'm not getting paid extra, I'mtired, I'm stressed, there's
nothing I can do about it.
And I feel like at this time inmy life I want to be doing
something, that I feelpassionate about it and I feel
like the military has been greatto me.
You know I have my downfallsand everything, but I think it's
God's just telling me hey, look, it's time to move on and if
things don't work out, themilitary is always going to be
there.
Yeah, it's a lot, you know, andyou know, with me I'm like I'm
(21:24):
going to get out.
I've been staying there foryears and I stayed in and I feel
like a lot of times I stayed inbecause I'm like, well, it is
security, it's financial, youknow, my family's going to be
taken care of, but I mean, I'vebeen able to do what I need to
do while I've been in.
So I feel like I'll be stillset when I get out.
And I had this experiencebecause I'll say 10 more to keep
pushing, but that's still.
(21:45):
It's still a lot.
Speaker 1 (21:47):
I want to touch on what you said.
Like she said, I'm getting outbecause mentally I'm not happy
anymore and this isn't mypassion.
That is not only like a hugelife thing, because a lot of
people stay in situations justfor the benefits, the
comfortability, whatever.
But that's a mom thing too,because I know a lot of people
(22:08):
who have stayed in situations,relationships, just for the
comfortability and the thingsthat it provides, instead of
saying, hey, does this reallymake me happy?
Am I really benefiting fromthis?
So that shout out to you likebig ups to you for choosing your
happiness over everything else.
Speaker 2 (22:27):
Yes, for sure.
I feel like you know we onlyhave one life to live and, you
know, at times I'm like I'mgoing to stay in, but I'm like
why?
You know I'm doing it?
Because everyone else istelling me to do it.
You know, what do I really wantat the end of the day, like
this is not something that I'mgoing to let take over my life
anymore.
So, yeah, I just.
You know it's a lot, but youknow I'm very hopeful.
I got all my ducks in a row andyou know I got a plan ahead and
(22:51):
that's the good thing about alot of people get out.
They don't have a plan.
And you know the military, likeI said, the military is always
going to be there.
It is a stepping stone.
I'm very grateful that it, youknow, provided me all these
opportunities and everythinglike that.
But, yeah, finances, you canalways find a job that pays more
.
You know, not saying that everyjob you go to you're going to
like, but at least I get thechoice to choose.
(23:12):
I won't be under a contract.
If I want to go leave today, Ican leave tomorrow.
You know what I mean.
Like I can find a different job.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
So yeah, I think the most important thing that I took
from what you said is that youuse the military like they use
you.
You said it, but you didn't sayit like that.
But that's just the mostimportant thing, because you
know, when you get into themilitary and I can only speak
because I had a spouse in themilitary so when you get into
(23:39):
the military, sometimes youdon't use all the necessary
tools that they give you, andthey give you all the tools.
It's just what you're going todo with those tools.
So I'm so proud of you for justmaking your own way for your
family, because you really did,because you could have got out
the military and your husbandcould have stayed in, you know.
(24:01):
So I'm just so proud of you tojust continue that legacy for
your family.
And I know it's not easy, but,girl, you did the damn thing and
I'm so proud of you to justcontinue that legacy for your
family.
And I know it's not easy, but,girl, you did the damn thing and
I'm so proud of you.
So kudos, kudos.
Speaker 2 (24:14):
Yeah, I mean, I mean I don't know you guys, this may
be a little off topic, but I'llstill, you know, get my GI bills
so I can still.
You know, if I want to go toschool, I get payments for that.
Also, I can file VA claims,which is disability, when you
get out, so you can receivecompensation from, you know, the
military.
I put enough time so I know I'mgetting some damn money.
(24:35):
Look like you say you have tobe out there using the resources
.
I mean a lot of.
The military does provide a lotof resources, especially for
veterans, and I do my research,honey.
Like I am definitely going toget my damn compensation If I
put in almost 10 years, they'regoing to give me something.
So yeah.
Yeah, I'm hopeful.
There's things that I can doand I'll be set up, so I'm not
(24:57):
really too worried about it.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Yeah, definitely so if you wanted to stay out of
work for a while and just reallyfocus on what you want to do,
you know you have that residualincome, ari.
What you want to do, you knowyou have that residual income,
ari.
I want to bring you in becauseyou know you know all about
residual income, girl, so tellus a little bit more about what
you do.
You know I wear a few differenthats.
(25:20):
My main source of income that'slike visible to social media is
the company that we were a partof together.
I sell accessories from home.
So I am basically like I'm notgoing to say a content creator,
because I mean that's part of it, but you know, I'm just I'm a
social media personality, if youwill.
So I do my live shows and Ihave a website and I sell
(25:44):
jewelry from there.
I'm also a makeup artist.
I love all things beauty andhair and things like that.
So I'm here recently.
I haven't done a lot of makeupsince I moved where I am, but I
still do my virtual classes andmy one-on-ones, and then I also
(26:05):
do a little bit of graphics hereand there.
So I make business cards andflyers and invitations and
things for people who are havingevents and those who have
businesses and different youknow functions that they need
flyers for.
So that's how I make my moolahby staying at home with all of
(26:28):
my babies, and I wouldn't haveit any other way because I'm one
of those people who I justdon't believe God made me to
punch a clock for anybody,because, no, I've had a job
before, I've had a few.
I've had three, I think threejobs total in my entire adult
life and I'm grateful for everyone of them because you know,
they taught me a lesson, taughtme several lessons, and I use a
(26:51):
lot of that, you know, in justmy everyday dealing with people
and my customer service and howI carry myself.
But I'm definitely grateful forwhat I do because, number one,
I love people, not just mylittle people, but I love
inspiring people and motivatingpeople and getting a check while
being able to do what Iabsolutely love.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
It's just a big plus.
I love that, like you're stillworking, you're still getting
some income, but you're doingthings you actually love.
And I like the fact youmentioned I'm not punching in
the pocket.
Like you know, I'm making money.
I'm doing what I love.
You love makeup.
You're still being able to bewith your family, take care of
your family Like that's reallygood, like a lot of people wish
they could have that, you know,yeah, I really like that and I'm
(27:32):
glad that you're able to evendo that.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Honestly, y'all are amazing, like no jokes.
All games aside, I'm so proudof y'all, of y'all.
I'm so happy for y'all and I'mjust so happy for our journey on
.
You know, with this new podcast, y'all, like we did it.
We did our first episode, guys.
We were nervous.
(27:55):
We were nervous coming in heretalking to you guys because,
first of all, it's sonerve-wracking talking about
motherhood.
The world is so sensitive now.
Everybody feels a certain wayabout what parenting looks like
and how it should look.
And one thing about me I'mgoing to parent my kids the way
I know to parent my kids.
Like it's not going to be.
You know what everybody says,what social media says or what
(28:20):
you know like there's no rulebook to parenthood.
There's no rule book to being amama and hood, there's no rule
book to being a mama.
Like, first and foremost, themkids come out of us, they get
plopped on our chest and we'rejust supposed to know and that's
the scary part about it likethey just send you this.
First of all, everybodyshouldn't be having kids first
(28:40):
and foremost, but they reallyjust send them babies on us and
be like go about your business.
Ain't that crazy?
Absolutely.
And now, like they, it's like,you know, it used to be like a
two-day stay at minimum.
No, it's like it's almost like24 hours, almost like 18 hours.
Okay, the baby's out, all ofy'all are good.
(29:01):
You're peeing, you're pooping,the baby's peeing and pooping.
Get out of here.
And I say that to my husband allthe time.
I literally say, who, let me besomebody's mother.
Like, don't get me wrong.
Like I absolutely love mychildren, but some days it's
like I sit down and I'm like yo,where's the parent?
Because I'm tired of being aparent today.
(29:22):
Like the responsibility iscrazy, especially, like you said
, in today's time.
Like parenthood has changed somuch from when we were kids and
what we were allowed to do, totimes today.
Like they're just babies thatdon't get an opportunity to be
babies and they don't even knowit and it's just, it's wild.
(29:43):
It's wild, you know.
But you know, gave us our props,we got to give you your props
too.
You are an incredible mother.
I'm grateful to have had, youknow, a front row seat to see
how Yonis has grown so big, andthen, you know, to see you get
your little girl and she is soadorable and just to watch you
be, you know, a student, afull-time student, a full-time
(30:06):
employee and a wife and a mom,and still do it with the grace
that you do.
It's absolutely incredible.
And here you are creating apodcast, inviting us, as you
know, your co-host, and we'reall doing a damn thing, giving
us the opportunity to speakabout, you know, the highs, the
lows and, in between, themotherhood, but we appreciate
you too, girl.
You're doing a damn thing.
Speaker 2 (30:27):
Yes, you definitely are doing the thing, girl.
Like that's a lot.
You know, we all wear a lot ofdifferent hats and I think we're
all doing an awesome job.
You know, we got to giveourselves a clap on the back
Like we did this.
Y'all we did good.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
But no, thank you guys so much.
Um, yeah, I'm tired y'all.
And before we end this podcast,I just want to say good job,
guys, because these ladies overhere sitting with these loads,
they heavy y'all.
They are about to buzz.
So they didn't sound like theywas out of breath, they kept
talking.
Listen, better them than me,okay, wow, better than them.
(31:07):
I'm just so happy for y'all.
Y'all bundles of joys that'scoming and I cannot wait to meet
them.
Oh, I cannot wait to meet them.
And you know, just plan ourfamily trip together and just
get closer.
Because, at the end of the day,this podcast is just not even
about.
It's not just about you know ustelling our stories, but it's
just not even about it's notjust about you know us telling
(31:28):
our stories, but it's also aboutus just coming together and
just becoming a family, becausethe crazy part that y'all don't
know is that Ari and Ivy did notknow each other.
So us coming together and howeverything is just how we just
all click.
Like I'm just so thankful toGod that he brought us together,
like I never even knew that wewould be here.
So thank you guys so much onceagain for just being a part of
(31:51):
this journey with me and, youknow, let's ride it till the
wheels fall off.
Let's do it.
Hell yeah, I'm in All right.
Well, guys, this was our firstepisode of the Chronicles of
Melanin Mamas.
Season one is about to begin.
We love you, guys.
We thank you for supporting usand we'll make sure to have our
(32:12):
social media handles up.
Follow, email us and, you know,just give us some ideas on what
to talk about, what you want tohear, and also just your
motherhood stories, because Iknow y'all got some crazy ones,
especially if you got somelittle color in your skin.
We know that you got some hottopics to talk about.
So just let us know and youknow we love you and any closing
(32:35):
remarks from you, ari, I'mexcited to hear those crazy
stories as well.
I'm just excited to see how thecommunity is going to grow
because I know, once people aregiven the opportunity, you know
to have that safe space and theyknow that, you know all is well
and is welcome.
I'm just excited to, you know,be a part of something positive.
The world has so much to offer,you know, sometimes more bad
(32:58):
than good, but to be a part ofsomething that you know is going
to just uplift people.
Strengthen them, make themlaugh, keep them going is always
incredible.
What about you, ivy?
Speaker 2 (33:05):
strengthen them, make them laugh keep them going is
always incredible.
What about you, Ivy?
Yeah, I'm really excited aboutthis.
I mean, I feel really goodabout it because we're just able
, we're just talking normal andlike I really enjoy just talking
about you know, just motherhoodin general and like being a
parent.
So, yeah, I think we have a lotto offer and I'm really looking
forward to this season and more.
So thank you, guys for tuningin on us.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
All right, guys.
Us mamas are signing out.
Bye, hey.
Thank you for listening.
If you would like to stayconnected to us, be sure to
follow us on Instagram at theunderscore Chronicles Melanin
Mamas.
Also feel free to give us somefeedback on more topics you'd
like to discuss on motherhood.
(33:48):
We really would appreciate itif you would review and follow
us on wherever you listen toyour podcast.
Bye mamas.
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