April 7, 2025 • 26 mins
In this episode of The Codependent Doctor, I dive deep into the topic of burnout, a personal experience that has significantly shaped my life and career. Burnout is more than just feeling tired; it's a profound exhaustion that affects our body, mind, and emotions, often creeping up on us until we hit a breaking point. I share my own struggles with burnout, including moments of emotional outbursts and the toll it took on my health and relationships.
We explore the three key dimensions of burnout as defined by psychologist Christina Maslach: emotional exhaustion, depersonalization, and reduced personal accomplishment. I discuss how burnout manifests in various areas of life, from work to personal relationships, and the signs to look out for, including physical symptoms like chronic fatigue and emotional signs like irritability and detachment.
I emphasize the importance of recognizing burnout as a signal that something needs to change, rather than a personal failure. Recovery requires intentional steps, including prioritizing rest, setting boundaries, and building a support system. I encourage listeners to reflect on their own experiences with burnout and to consider what changes they can make to foster a healthier relationship with themselves.
As we wrap up, I provide reflection exercises to help you identify your energy drains and explore ways to reclaim joy in your life. Remember, self-care isn't selfish; it's essential for preventing burnout and nurturing your well-being. Join me next week as we discuss being stuck in victim mode. Thank you for listening, and take care!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Have you ever felt so exhausted that even the
simplest task feels impossible?
Like no matter how much sleepyou get, you wake up tired.
Maybe you've started snappingat people, losing patience over
little things or feeling numb,like you just don't care anymore
.
If this sounds familiar, youmight be dealing with burnout,
and you're not alone.
Burnout isn't just about beingtired.
(00:21):
It's a deep, overwhelmingexhaustion that affects your
body, mind and emotions.
It sneaks up on you, slowly,making you believe that you can
push through, until suddenly youcan't.
And the worst part is that manyof us don't even realize that
we're burnt out until we've hita wall and we're completely
unable to move forward anymore.
(00:42):
Completely unable to moveforward anymore.
In this episode, we're breakingdown what burnout really is,
how to recognize it before itgets worse and, most importantly
, how to recover.
We'll talk about the sneakyways that burnout shows up, how
many of us struggle to slow downand what you can do to protect
yourself from falling into thecycle again.
So if you're feeling drained,overwhelmed or just done, this
(01:03):
episode is for you.
Let's talk about burnout, whathappens and how we can start
feeling like ourselves again.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
(01:23):
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent, dr
Angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Here we go.
(01:47):
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
the 36th episode of theCodependent Doctor.
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent.
Today's episode we're going tobe focusing on burnout.
I can't believe that it's takenuntil episode 36 to finally
talk about burnout.
It was such a pivotal moment inmy life and one that ultimately
(02:08):
led to me finally addressing mycodependency.
I restructured my career andeventually created this podcast
because of it.
The truth is, I didn't evenrecognize that what I was
experiencing was burnout untilit was too late.
My people-pleasing tendencies,inability to set boundaries and
my low self-worth all played arole in pushing me past my
(02:28):
limits.
I was emotionally drained,constantly on edge, and my
patience was razor thin.
At the peak of my burnout, Idid things that I am not proud
of things that still make mecringe today.
One day I walked out on apatient and slammed the door
while I was swearing to myself.
Another time, I outright told apatient that they were my worst
(02:51):
patient and that seeing theirname in my schedule made me want
to call in sick that day.
I hate that I said these things.
This wasn't me, but burnout hadstripped away my filter, my
resilience and my ability toregulate my emotions.
Physically, I was falling apart.
I was undergoing IV treatmentsfor six months and I still
(03:13):
insisted on working because Ifelt guilty for not being there
for my patients.
In hindsight, I was burnt outeven before I got sick.
It's probably why I got sick inthe first place.
Before I got sick, it'sprobably why I got sick in the
first place.
I was exhausted beyond words,running on fumes with nothing
(03:34):
left to give.
My morning started with tearsin the car.
Before work, I cried in theshower, and at home I snapped at
my kids, my partner and my pets.
I wasn't myself.
I wasn't okay, despite metelling people that I was fine
at least 10 times a day.
Burnout isn't just feeling tiredor needing a break.
If left unchecked, it can wreckyour health, your relationships
(03:55):
and your career.
Studies have linked burnout tochronic illnesses like heart
disease, anxiety, depression andan even higher risk of
substance abuse or suicide.
People lose their jobs overburnout.
Some walk away from careersthat they once loved.
Marriages and friendshipssuffer and sometimes end.
It's not something to takelightly.
(04:17):
If you're feeling like I did,like you have nothing left to
give, please take that seriously.
Burnout doesn't just go away onits own.
It needs attention, rest andreal change.
Burnout is more than justfeeling stressed or overwhelmed.
It's a state of complete mental, emotional and physical
exhaustion caused by prolongedstress, especially in situations
(04:40):
where you feel overworked,undervalued or trapped
situations where you feeloverworked, undervalued or
trapped.
Unlike regular stress, whichcomes and goes, burnout lingers
and worsens over time, making itharder to function normally.
Think of stress like a pot ofboiling water.
With regular stress, you turnup the heat for a while, but
then you lower it, or you takethe pot off the stove.
(05:01):
With burnout, the heat stays onhigh for so long that the water
evaporates and then the potstarts to burn.
That's what happens to you whenyou're running unempty.
Regular stress comes and goes.
You might have a tough day or atough week, but with rest and a
break you bounce back.
Burnout is when stress sticksaround for so long that it turns
(05:23):
into exhaustion.
You don't just need a weekendoff.
You feel like you need a wholenew life.
Christina Maslach is apsychologist known for her
research on burnout.
She's a professor at theUniversity of California,
berkeley, and the creator of theMaslach Burnout Inventory, mbi,
which is one of the most widelyused tools to measure burnout.
(05:44):
Maslach's work has shaped howwe understand burnout,
especially in workplace settings.
Her research has also beeninfluential in shifting the
focus from individual resilienceto systemic issues like
workplace culture, job demandsand lack of support.
Her research defines burnout ashaving three key dimensions One
(06:05):
, emotional exhaustion.
Two, depersonalization, andthree, reduced personal
accomplishment.
So I want to explore each ofthese a little further.
So the first one, emotionalexhaustion, is at the core of
burnout.
It's when you feel mentally,emotionally and physically
depleted to the point where youhave nothing left to give.
It's different from just beingtired.
(06:28):
This exhaustion doesn't just goaway with a good night's sleep
or a weekend off.
You wake up exhausted evenafter a full night's rest.
You feel constantly overwhelmedby small tasks that used to be
easy and you have zero patiencefor things that normally
wouldn't bother you.
You're just going through themotions rather than actively
participating in your life.
Examples of these would be anurse who used to enjoy patient
(06:52):
care and now she dreads everyshift and feels emotionally
drained even after smallinteractions.
A parent who used to be patientand now finds himself snapping
at their kids for no reason,simply because they're too
drained to manage their ownemotions.
The second one isdepersonalization Becoming
detached or indifferent towardswork colleagues or
(07:13):
responsibilities.
Depersonalization happens whenburnout numbs you emotionally.
You start feeling detached, notjust from your work, but
sometimes from people that youcare about.
You might become cynical orindifferent or even resentful,
almost like you're watching yourlife from outside rather than
actually living it.
You feel disconnected from yourjob, co-workers or even loved
(07:35):
ones.
You become sarcastic, cold oreven emotionally shut down.
You're thinking why should Ieven care?
Examples would this be atherapist who used to deeply
care about his patients nowfinds himself emotionally
checked out and just wanting thesession to end.
A customer service worker whoused to be polite now gives
short, robotic responses, noteven trying to engage with
(07:58):
customers.
Or maybe a caregiver who feelsdrained and resentful towards
the person that they're helping,even when they love them.
The third would be reducedpersonal accomplishment feeling
ineffective or like nothing thatyou do matters.
This is when burnout kills yoursense of achievement and
self-worth.
Even if you're still workinghard, you feel like you're
(08:19):
failing, not making a differenceor just not being good enough.
No matter how much effort youput in, it never feels like
enough.
You doubt yourself and yourabilities.
Even if you're good at what youdo, you feel like your work is
meaningless and has no impact.
You lose motivation andquestion if you should be
continuing to do what you'redoing.
Examples would be a writer whoused to be passionate about
(08:41):
their work now stares at a blankpage for hours, feeling like
everything they write is just soterrible.
Or a stay-at-home parent whoused to enjoy taking care of
their kids but now feels likethey're stuck in an endless
cycle of chores with noappreciation.
Maybe an entrepreneur who nolonger feels excited about their
business because they believethat nothing they do moves the
needle.
(09:02):
Burnout can affect differentareas of your life differently.
At work, you might dread goingin and feeling mentally checked
out.
Do the bare minimum just to getthrough the day, lose patience
with co-workers, clients orcustomers If you're in a
caregiving role, like parentingor taking care of an elderly
parent, you might feel resentfultowards the people that you're
(09:22):
caring for.
You might snap or lose patiencemore easily, feel like you're
giving everything but no onenotices or appreciates it.
In relationships, you mightfeel emotionally disconnected
from your partner, family orfriends.
Stop making an effort becauseyou're too exhausted.
Conversations feel draining andyou just want to be left alone
(09:42):
In personal projects or passions.
Something that you once lovedfeels like a chore.
Now you lose creativity ormotivation.
Even fun activities might feellike one more thing on your
to-do list.
Sometimes burnout creeps up onus so slowly that we don't even
see it coming.
It builds over time and becauseeveryone else is busy with
(10:03):
their own lives, they might notnotice either.
They may see you snapping oracting differently, but they
brush it off and move on.
Burnout is becoming more andmore common as our society
starts asking more and more fromus.
Let's say I asked you to lift a10 kilogram weight.
You'd probably manage withoutmuch effort.
But what if I asked you to lifta 50 kilogram weight or 100
(10:26):
kilos?
At some point you would reachyour limit.
You simply wouldn't be able tolift anymore because your
muscles can't do it.
Now imagine your brain insteadof your muscles.
Unlike your muscles, your brain, your imagination and your
ability to handle stress doesn'thave a clear, defined limit.
When we take on moreresponsibilities and feel
(10:49):
overwhelmed, we often pushthrough those feelings until
we're able to adjust to thatlevel of work.
Then we take on even more andit happens again.
We struggle, but we adapt andwe keep on piling more and more
responsibilities.
The amount of responsibilityand mental energy that we can
handle is almost limitless.
(11:10):
Almost there is a limit and itis called burnout, but society
encourages this.
Employers expect more work forless pay.
Parents and kids are pressuredinto endless extracurricular
activities.
Women are expected to workfull-time and manage the
majority of the household andchild care duties, all while
(11:32):
facing judgment from othermothers who seem to be doing it
perfectly.
It's a never-ending cycle, justlike that frog in the pot of
water.
We keep adjusting.
As the temperature rises, wedon't notice how hot it's
getting until it's too late,until we're completely burnt out
.
This is why checking in withyourself is so important.
If you don't stop to ask how amI really feeling?
(11:55):
You might not realize how muchpressure you're under until
you've hit your breaking point.
Signs and symptoms of burnout.
Burnout doesn't just affectyour mood.
It impacts your body, youremotions and behavior.
So here's what you need to lookfor Some physical signs.
Burnout isn't just in your head.
It takes a toll on your body aswell.
(12:16):
When you're constantly stressed, your body stays in fight or
flight mode, which can lead tochronic fatigue.
You wake up tired no matter howmuch you sleep.
Even small tasks feel like ahuge effort.
Headaches and muscle tension.
Stress builds up in your body,causing frequent headaches.
Might cause you neck pain orshoulder tightness.
(12:36):
Might have sleeping problems.
You either can't fall asleepbecause your mind won't shut off
, or you sleep too much andstill feel exhausted.
It can weaken your immunesystem.
You catch colds easily, you getsick often or you take longer
to recover.
Burnout wears down your immunesystem, making your body more
(12:56):
vulnerable.
You might have digestive issueslike stomach aches, nausea or
IBS, symptoms that can flare updue to chronic stress.
There might be some emotionalsigns.
Burnout messes with youremotions in ways that you might
not expect.
At first you might feel alittle bit off, but over time
you start feeling irritable andshort-tempered.
(13:17):
Things that normally wouldn'tbother you suddenly set you off.
You snap at co-workers, familyand even strangers.
You might become emotionallynumb.
You stop feeling excitement,joy or even sadness.
It's like your emotions are onmute.
There might be a lack ofmotivation.
Tasks that once excited you nowfeel pointless.
Even hobbies that you onceloved don't bring you joy
(13:39):
anymore.
You might feel detached.
You struggle to connect withpeople, even those that you care
about.
Conversations feel draininginstead of enjoyable.
There can also be somebehavioral signs.
Burnout can change your behavior, sometimes in ways that
surprise you.
Instead of dealing with stressin a healthy way, you might find
yourself procrastinating more.
(14:00):
You put off tasks until thelast second, not because you're
lazy, but because you just can'tbring yourself to start them.
You might withdraw fromresponsibilities.
You start calling in sick,skipping social events or
avoiding family and friends.
You might start drinking more,overeating, overspending or
binge-watching TV just to numbyourself.
You might start neglectingself-care.
(14:22):
You stop exercising, eatingwell or even doing basic things
like showering, brushing yourteeth or cleaning your space.
Burnout doesn't just come out ofnowhere.
It builds up over time, usuallybecause we're giving too much,
getting too little support orstuck in stressful situations
(14:43):
for too long.
There are many areas of yourlife where you can find burnout.
Work is one of the biggestcauses of burnout, especially
when the pressure is non-stopand you feel like you have no
control.
There's a high workload,there's too much to do, not
enough time.
You're constantly playing catchup and no matter how much you
get done, there's always more.
There's a lack of control.
You feel like you have no sayin your job, whether it's
(15:04):
dealing with micromanagement,unrealistic expectations or a
rigid schedule that doesn't workfor you.
You might have a toxic workenvironment, a demanding boss,
negative co-workers or an officeculture that celebrates hustle
culture over mental health.
You might have no work-lifebalance, feeling like you can't
ever unplug, answering emailslate at night or working
(15:25):
weekends just to keep up.
If you're caring for a loved one, whether it's a sick or elderly
parent, a child with specialneeds or even just taking on too
much responsibility at home,that can be emotionally and
physically exhausting.
More and more people are partof the sandwich generation,
trying to juggle work, raisingkids and caring for aging
(15:45):
parents all at once.
The weight of all of theseresponsibilities can become
overwhelming really fast.
You are often giving withoutreceiving, constantly helping
others but rarely getting thesame care in return.
You may not have much support.
You feel like it's all on youand no one else is stepping in
to help.
You might feel guilty forneeding a break.
(16:10):
So even when you're exhausted,you feel like you can't stop
because someone else isdepending on you.
You neglect yourself.
You're so focused on othersthat your needs, sleep, social
life, hobbies they all getpushed to the side.
Over time, you feel resentfuland drained, like you have
nothing left to give.
Burnout can happen inrelationships as well,
especially when you're givingtoo much without getting much in
(16:31):
return.
Maybe you're over giving,always the one listening,
helping and fixing, but no oneelse is checking in on you.
You feel responsible forsomeone else's happiness and
well-being, even when it'sdraining you.
You're so tired from managingsomeone else's emotions that you
have nothing left for yourself,and no matter how much you do,
(16:51):
it never seems to be enough.
Burnout and codependency oftengo hand in hand.
When you're a people pleaser,you naturally take on too much.
Take on too much at work, inrelationships and even in your
daily life.
You say yes when you want tosay no.
You overextend yourself to keepothers happy and before you
know it, you're running on empty, overfunctioning which is doing
(17:16):
more than your fair share overfunctioning, which is doing more
than your fair share, fixingproblems that aren't yours and
constantly managing otherpeople's emotions it fast tracks
you to burnout.
One of the biggest struggles forcodependence is setting
boundaries.
Saying no feels uncomfortablefor us, maybe even selfish, so
you keep pushing throughexhaustion instead of protecting
your time and your energy.
(17:37):
But here's the truth.
Burnout doesn't make you abetter friend, partner or
employee.
It makes you resentful, drainedand disconnected.
Think of all those horriblethings that I said to patients
when I was burnt out.
That didn't make me a betterdoctor.
It didn't make me a betterfriend or a better parent to my
kids.
And the hard part is that evenwhen you know that you need rest
(18:00):
, guilt will creep in.
You might feel lazy, likeyou're letting people down, but
self-care isn't selfish, it'snecessary.
So learning to slow down, toset limits and prioritize
yourself is the key to breakingthe cycle of burnout and
codependency.
Burnout is not going to breakingthe cycle of burnout and
codependency.
Burnout is not going todisappear on its own.
(18:20):
It requires intentionalrecovery and long-term changes
to prevent it from happeningagain.
The first step is recognizingthat burnout is a signal, not a
failure.
It's your body and mind tellingyou that something needs to
change, and ignoring it orpushing through it is only going
to make things worse.
Recovery requires a slowdown.
(18:42):
It requires you to prioritizerest and making conscious
choices about where your energygoes.
So step one is to prioritizerest and recovery.
Burnout happens when you'rerunning on empty for too long.
So your first priority is togive yourself permission to rest
, and that means real rest, notjust zoning out in front of the
(19:04):
tv while your mind races aboutwhat you should really be doing,
but prioritize deep sleep,mindfulness and unplugging from
work and responsibilitieswhenever possible.
If, if burnout is severe, thismight mean taking a leave from
work or stepping back fromresponsibilities at home.
If you don't prioritize rest,burnout is going to continue to
(19:26):
escalate.
It's going to affect yourhealth, relationships and your
performance at work.
If you do commit to realrecovery, you can reset your
body and mind before burnoutturns into long-term exhaustion
or illness.
Consider talking to a doctor ora therapist about taking an
extended break if needed.
Step away from non-essentialresponsibilities or lean on
(19:48):
support systems, whether it'schild care, respite for elderly
parents or delicate tasks atwork.
Try to learn to unplug.
Take real breaks from screens,emails and notifications.
Episode 11 of the CodependentDoctor is a book review on the
book Real Self-Care by PoojaLakshman, which I found really
(20:09):
helpful for this.
Step two is to re-evaluate yourpriorities and set boundaries.
Burnout often comes from tryingto do too much for too long,
especially when we feel like wehave to.
The truth is not everythingdeserves your energy, so take a
step back and ask what can I letgo of?
Where am I wasting my energy onthings that don't truly matter?
(20:33):
We're all juggling about 10balls in the air at once, but
some of those balls are made ofglass and others are made of
more concrete things that aren'tgoing to break if they fall.
So focus on what's important.
Without setting boundaries, youstay stuck in the same cycle,
feeling drained and overwhelmed.
By setting clear limits, you'regoing to free up time and
(20:54):
energy for what actually matters.
So try saying no without guilt.
Your energy is valuable.
Now, this is easier said thandone.
Episode eight is on settingboundaries, and this might be
able to help you say no withoutguilt.
Try to delegate tasks at workand home instead of doing
everything for yourself.
If possible, work with youremployer to maybe adjust your
(21:17):
workload or explore some otherflexible options.
Identify energy leaks,unnecessary commitments, toxic
relationships or habits that aredraining you.
Step three shift your mindsetaround productivity and rest.
Many of us have beenconditioned to believe that our
worth is tied up in how much wedo.
(21:37):
This mindset makes burnoutworse because it creates guilt
around rest.
The reality is, rest isn't areward, it's a necessity.
If you keep pushing yourselfbeyond your limits, you're going
to experience chronic burnout,anxiety and even physical
illness.
If you embrace balance, you canwork, care for others and rest
(21:58):
without feeling constantlydrained.
So try reframing your thinking.
Instead of I have to doeverything, remind yourself I
deserve to rest.
Replace unhealthy copingmechanisms like overworking,
numbing out with healthy stressmanagement tools like exercise
or deep breathing or hobbiesthat bring you joy.
Accept that productivityculture is a trap.
(22:22):
More work doesn't always meanbetter results.
Step four build yourself asupport system and ask for help.
Burnout thrives in isolation.
Many people are suffering insilence and they're afraid of
being judged or as being seen asweak or as struggling.
But asking for help is not afailure.
(22:43):
It's actually a sign ofstrength, whether it's at work,
in parenting or in caregiving.
You don't have to do it aloneIf you try to handle everything
alone, burnout is going to keepcoming back.
If you build yourself a supportnetwork, you create a
sustainable way to manage yourstress.
Communicate your needs, whetherthat be at work, with family or
(23:03):
in your relationships.
Try seeking professional helpif you need guidance in managing
stress and mental health.
Try surrounding yourself withpeople who support balance and
not just hustle.
Recovering from burnout andpreventing it in the future
requires intentional change.
It's about stepping back,prioritizing what really matters
(23:23):
and letting go of the pressuresto do it all.
Burnout isn't a personalweakness.
It's a signal that somethingneeds to change and you have the
power to change it.
So this brings us to the end ofthe episode today.
Here are some reflectionexercises for this week, if you
would like to do some journalwork.
Describe a time when you feltcompletely drained.
(23:46):
What were the warning signs andhow did it affect your life?
List your biggest energy drains.
What can you do to let go or todelegate?
Do you feel guilty for resting?
How come?
How can you give yourselfpermission to slow down?
Where do you struggle to say no?
Write a few boundary settingscripts that you can use.
(24:07):
What activities did you used tolike doing.
What's one small way that youcan bring one of those
activities back this week.
If you have a comment, I'dreally appreciate it if you
could like, subscribe and maybeleave a comment on the podcast.
It really helps others whomight benefit from the podcast
to find it more easily.
I've started a newsletter whichis loaded with great
(24:30):
information on codependencyrecovery, and I'm also on Blue
Sky now under at drangeladowney.
You can still find me onFacebook and Instagram, so let's
connect.
I wish you all a great week asyou learn to foster a better
relationship with the mostimportant person in your life
yourself.
I'm going to meet you here nextweek for another episode of the
(24:51):
Codependent Doctor when I'mgoing to be talking about being
stuck in victim mode.
Take care for now.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
(25:11):
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week foranother episode of the
Codependent Doctor, we can dothis together.
Have you ever felt so exhausted that even the
simplest task feels impossible?
Like no matter how much sleepyou get, you wake up tired.
Maybe you've started snappingat people, losing patience over
little things or feeling numb,like you just don't care anymore
.
If this sounds familiar, youmight be dealing with burnout,
and you're not alone.
Burnout isn't just about beingtired.
(00:21):
It's a deep, overwhelmingexhaustion that affects your
body, mind and emotions.
It sneaks up on you, slowly,making you believe that you can
push through, until suddenly youcan't.
And the worst part is that manyof us don't even realize that
we're burnt out until we've hita wall and we're completely
unable to move forward anymore.
(00:42):
Completely unable to moveforward anymore.
In this episode, we're breakingdown what burnout really is,
how to recognize it before itgets worse and, most importantly
, how to recover.
We'll talk about the sneakyways that burnout shows up, how
many of us struggle to slow downand what you can do to protect
yourself from falling into thecycle again.
So if you're feeling drained,overwhelmed or just done, this
(01:03):
episode is for you.
Let's talk about burnout, whathappens and how we can start
feeling like ourselves again.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
(01:23):
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent, dr
Angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Here we go.
(01:47):
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
the 36th episode of theCodependent Doctor.
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent.
Today's episode we're going tobe focusing on burnout.
I can't believe that it's takenuntil episode 36 to finally
talk about burnout.
It was such a pivotal moment inmy life and one that ultimately
(02:08):
led to me finally addressing mycodependency.
I restructured my career andeventually created this podcast
because of it.
The truth is, I didn't evenrecognize that what I was
experiencing was burnout untilit was too late.
My people-pleasing tendencies,inability to set boundaries and
my low self-worth all played arole in pushing me past my
(02:28):
limits.
I was emotionally drained,constantly on edge, and my
patience was razor thin.
At the peak of my burnout, Idid things that I am not proud
of things that still make mecringe today.
One day I walked out on apatient and slammed the door
while I was swearing to myself.
Another time, I outright told apatient that they were my worst
(02:51):
patient and that seeing theirname in my schedule made me want
to call in sick that day.
I hate that I said these things.
This wasn't me, but burnout hadstripped away my filter, my
resilience and my ability toregulate my emotions.
Physically, I was falling apart.
I was undergoing IV treatmentsfor six months and I still
(03:13):
insisted on working because Ifelt guilty for not being there
for my patients.
In hindsight, I was burnt outeven before I got sick.
It's probably why I got sick inthe first place.
Before I got sick, it'sprobably why I got sick in the
first place.
I was exhausted beyond words,running on fumes with nothing
(03:34):
left to give.
My morning started with tearsin the car.
Before work, I cried in theshower, and at home I snapped at
my kids, my partner and my pets.
I wasn't myself.
I wasn't okay, despite metelling people that I was fine
at least 10 times a day.
Burnout isn't just feeling tiredor needing a break.
If left unchecked, it can wreckyour health, your relationships
(03:55):
and your career.
Studies have linked burnout tochronic illnesses like heart
disease, anxiety, depression andan even higher risk of
substance abuse or suicide.
People lose their jobs overburnout.
Some walk away from careersthat they once loved.
Marriages and friendshipssuffer and sometimes end.
It's not something to takelightly.
(04:17):
If you're feeling like I did,like you have nothing left to
give, please take that seriously.
Burnout doesn't just go away onits own.
It needs attention, rest andreal change.
Burnout is more than justfeeling stressed or overwhelmed.
It's a state of complete mental, emotional and physical
exhaustion caused by prolongedstress, especially in situations
(04:40):
where you feel overworked,undervalued or trapped
situations where you feeloverworked, undervalued or
trapped.
Unlike regular stress, whichcomes and goes, burnout lingers
and worsens over time, making itharder to function normally.
Think of stress like a pot ofboiling water.
With regular stress, you turnup the heat for a while, but
then you lower it, or you takethe pot off the stove.
(05:01):
With burnout, the heat stays onhigh for so long that the water
evaporates and then the potstarts to burn.
That's what happens to you whenyou're running unempty.
Regular stress comes and goes.
You might have a tough day or atough week, but with rest and a
break you bounce back.
Burnout is when stress sticksaround for so long that it turns
(05:23):
into exhaustion.
You don't just need a weekendoff.
You feel like you need a wholenew life.
Christina Maslach is apsychologist known for her
research on burnout.
She's a professor at theUniversity of California,
berkeley, and the creator of theMaslach Burnout Inventory, mbi,
which is one of the most widelyused tools to measure burnout.
(05:44):
Maslach's work has shaped howwe understand burnout,
especially in workplace settings.
Her research has also beeninfluential in shifting the
focus from individual resilienceto systemic issues like
workplace culture, job demandsand lack of support.
Her research defines burnout ashaving three key dimensions One
(06:05):
, emotional exhaustion.
Two, depersonalization, andthree, reduced personal
accomplishment.
So I want to explore each ofthese a little further.
So the first one, emotionalexhaustion, is at the core of
burnout.
It's when you feel mentally,emotionally and physically
depleted to the point where youhave nothing left to give.
It's different from just beingtired.
(06:28):
This exhaustion doesn't just goaway with a good night's sleep
or a weekend off.
You wake up exhausted evenafter a full night's rest.
You feel constantly overwhelmedby small tasks that used to be
easy and you have zero patiencefor things that normally
wouldn't bother you.
You're just going through themotions rather than actively
participating in your life.
Examples of these would be anurse who used to enjoy patient
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care and now she dreads everyshift and feels emotionally
drained even after smallinteractions.
A parent who used to be patientand now finds himself snapping
at their kids for no reason,simply because they're too
drained to manage their ownemotions.
The second one isdepersonalization Becoming
detached or indifferent towardswork colleagues or
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responsibilities.
Depersonalization happens whenburnout numbs you emotionally.
You start feeling detached, notjust from your work, but
sometimes from people that youcare about.
You might become cynical orindifferent or even resentful,
almost like you're watching yourlife from outside rather than
actually living it.
You feel disconnected from yourjob, co-workers or even loved
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ones.
You become sarcastic, cold oreven emotionally shut down.
You're thinking why should Ieven care?
Examples would this be atherapist who used to deeply
care about his patients nowfinds himself emotionally
checked out and just wanting thesession to end.
A customer service worker whoused to be polite now gives
short, robotic responses, noteven trying to engage with
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customers.
Or maybe a caregiver who feelsdrained and resentful towards
the person that they're helping,even when they love them.
The third would be reducedpersonal accomplishment feeling
ineffective or like nothing thatyou do matters.
This is when burnout kills yoursense of achievement and
self-worth.
Even if you're still workinghard, you feel like you're
(08:19):
failing, not making a differenceor just not being good enough.
No matter how much effort youput in, it never feels like
enough.
You doubt yourself and yourabilities.
Even if you're good at what youdo, you feel like your work is
meaningless and has no impact.
You lose motivation andquestion if you should be
continuing to do what you'redoing.
Examples would be a writer whoused to be passionate about
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their work now stares at a blankpage for hours, feeling like
everything they write is just soterrible.
Or a stay-at-home parent whoused to enjoy taking care of
their kids but now feels likethey're stuck in an endless
cycle of chores with noappreciation.
Maybe an entrepreneur who nolonger feels excited about their
business because they believethat nothing they do moves the
needle.
(09:02):
Burnout can affect differentareas of your life differently.
At work, you might dread goingin and feeling mentally checked
out.
Do the bare minimum just to getthrough the day, lose patience
with co-workers, clients orcustomers If you're in a
caregiving role, like parentingor taking care of an elderly
parent, you might feel resentfultowards the people that you're
(09:22):
caring for.
You might snap or lose patiencemore easily, feel like you're
giving everything but no onenotices or appreciates it.
In relationships, you mightfeel emotionally disconnected
from your partner, family orfriends.
Stop making an effort becauseyou're too exhausted.
Conversations feel draining andyou just want to be left alone
(09:42):
In personal projects or passions.
Something that you once lovedfeels like a chore.
Now you lose creativity ormotivation.
Even fun activities might feellike one more thing on your
to-do list.
Sometimes burnout creeps up onus so slowly that we don't even
see it coming.
It builds over time and becauseeveryone else is busy with
(10:03):
their own lives, they might notnotice either.
They may see you snapping oracting differently, but they
brush it off and move on.
Burnout is becoming more andmore common as our society
starts asking more and more fromus.
Let's say I asked you to lift a10 kilogram weight.
You'd probably manage withoutmuch effort.
But what if I asked you to lifta 50 kilogram weight or 100
(10:26):
kilos?
At some point you would reachyour limit.
You simply wouldn't be able tolift anymore because your
muscles can't do it.
Now imagine your brain insteadof your muscles.
Unlike your muscles, your brain, your imagination and your
ability to handle stress doesn'thave a clear, defined limit.
When we take on moreresponsibilities and feel
(10:49):
overwhelmed, we often pushthrough those feelings until
we're able to adjust to thatlevel of work.
Then we take on even more andit happens again.
We struggle, but we adapt andwe keep on piling more and more
responsibilities.
The amount of responsibilityand mental energy that we can
handle is almost limitless.
(11:10):
Almost there is a limit and itis called burnout, but society
encourages this.
Employers expect more work forless pay.
Parents and kids are pressuredinto endless extracurricular
activities.
Women are expected to workfull-time and manage the
majority of the household andchild care duties, all while
(11:32):
facing judgment from othermothers who seem to be doing it
perfectly.
It's a never-ending cycle, justlike that frog in the pot of
water.
We keep adjusting.
As the temperature rises, wedon't notice how hot it's
getting until it's too late,until we're completely burnt out
.
This is why checking in withyourself is so important.
If you don't stop to ask how amI really feeling?
(11:55):
You might not realize how muchpressure you're under until
you've hit your breaking point.
Signs and symptoms of burnout.
Burnout doesn't just affectyour mood.
It impacts your body, youremotions and behavior.
So here's what you need to lookfor Some physical signs.
Burnout isn't just in your head.
It takes a toll on your body aswell.
(12:16):
When you're constantly stressed, your body stays in fight or
flight mode, which can lead tochronic fatigue.
You wake up tired no matter howmuch you sleep.
Even small tasks feel like ahuge effort.
Headaches and muscle tension.
Stress builds up in your body,causing frequent headaches.
Might cause you neck pain orshoulder tightness.
(12:36):
Might have sleeping problems.
You either can't fall asleepbecause your mind won't shut off
, or you sleep too much andstill feel exhausted.
It can weaken your immunesystem.
You catch colds easily, you getsick often or you take longer
to recover.
Burnout wears down your immunesystem, making your body more
(12:56):
vulnerable.
You might have digestive issueslike stomach aches, nausea or
IBS, symptoms that can flare updue to chronic stress.
There might be some emotionalsigns.
Burnout messes with youremotions in ways that you might
not expect.
At first you might feel alittle bit off, but over time
you start feeling irritable andshort-tempered.
(13:17):
Things that normally wouldn'tbother you suddenly set you off.
You snap at co-workers, familyand even strangers.
You might become emotionallynumb.
You stop feeling excitement,joy or even sadness.
It's like your emotions are onmute.
There might be a lack ofmotivation.
Tasks that once excited you nowfeel pointless.
Even hobbies that you onceloved don't bring you joy
(13:39):
anymore.
You might feel detached.
You struggle to connect withpeople, even those that you care
about.
Conversations feel draininginstead of enjoyable.
There can also be somebehavioral signs.
Burnout can change your behavior, sometimes in ways that
surprise you.
Instead of dealing with stressin a healthy way, you might find
yourself procrastinating more.
(14:00):
You put off tasks until thelast second, not because you're
lazy, but because you just can'tbring yourself to start them.
You might withdraw fromresponsibilities.
You start calling in sick,skipping social events or
avoiding family and friends.
You might start drinking more,overeating, overspending or
binge-watching TV just to numbyourself.
You might start neglectingself-care.
(14:22):
You stop exercising, eatingwell or even doing basic things
like showering, brushing yourteeth or cleaning your space.
Burnout doesn't just come out ofnowhere.
It builds up over time, usuallybecause we're giving too much,
getting too little support orstuck in stressful situations
(14:43):
for too long.
There are many areas of yourlife where you can find burnout.
Work is one of the biggestcauses of burnout, especially
when the pressure is non-stopand you feel like you have no
control.
There's a high workload,there's too much to do, not
enough time.
You're constantly playing catchup and no matter how much you
get done, there's always more.
There's a lack of control.
You feel like you have no sayin your job, whether it's
(15:04):
dealing with micromanagement,unrealistic expectations or a
rigid schedule that doesn't workfor you.
You might have a toxic workenvironment, a demanding boss,
negative co-workers or an officeculture that celebrates hustle
culture over mental health.
You might have no work-lifebalance, feeling like you can't
ever unplug, answering emailslate at night or working
(15:25):
weekends just to keep up.
If you're caring for a loved one, whether it's a sick or elderly
parent, a child with specialneeds or even just taking on too
much responsibility at home,that can be emotionally and
physically exhausting.
More and more people are partof the sandwich generation,
trying to juggle work, raisingkids and caring for aging
(15:45):
parents all at once.
The weight of all of theseresponsibilities can become
overwhelming really fast.
You are often giving withoutreceiving, constantly helping
others but rarely getting thesame care in return.
You may not have much support.
You feel like it's all on youand no one else is stepping in
to help.
You might feel guilty forneeding a break.
(16:10):
So even when you're exhausted,you feel like you can't stop
because someone else isdepending on you.
You neglect yourself.
You're so focused on othersthat your needs, sleep, social
life, hobbies they all getpushed to the side.
Over time, you feel resentfuland drained, like you have
nothing left to give.
Burnout can happen inrelationships as well,
especially when you're givingtoo much without getting much in
(16:31):
return.
Maybe you're over giving,always the one listening,
helping and fixing, but no oneelse is checking in on you.
You feel responsible forsomeone else's happiness and
well-being, even when it'sdraining you.
You're so tired from managingsomeone else's emotions that you
have nothing left for yourself,and no matter how much you do,
(16:51):
it never seems to be enough.
Burnout and codependency oftengo hand in hand.
When you're a people pleaser,you naturally take on too much.
Take on too much at work, inrelationships and even in your
daily life.
You say yes when you want tosay no.
You overextend yourself to keepothers happy and before you
know it, you're running on empty, overfunctioning which is doing
(17:16):
more than your fair share overfunctioning, which is doing more
than your fair share, fixingproblems that aren't yours and
constantly managing otherpeople's emotions it fast tracks
you to burnout.
One of the biggest struggles forcodependence is setting
boundaries.
Saying no feels uncomfortablefor us, maybe even selfish, so
you keep pushing throughexhaustion instead of protecting
your time and your energy.
(17:37):
But here's the truth.
Burnout doesn't make you abetter friend, partner or
employee.
It makes you resentful, drainedand disconnected.
Think of all those horriblethings that I said to patients
when I was burnt out.
That didn't make me a betterdoctor.
It didn't make me a betterfriend or a better parent to my
kids.
And the hard part is that evenwhen you know that you need rest
(18:00):
, guilt will creep in.
You might feel lazy, likeyou're letting people down, but
self-care isn't selfish, it'snecessary.
So learning to slow down, toset limits and prioritize
yourself is the key to breakingthe cycle of burnout and
codependency.
Burnout is not going to breakingthe cycle of burnout and
codependency.
Burnout is not going todisappear on its own.
(18:20):
It requires intentionalrecovery and long-term changes
to prevent it from happeningagain.
The first step is recognizingthat burnout is a signal, not a
failure.
It's your body and mind tellingyou that something needs to
change, and ignoring it orpushing through it is only going
to make things worse.
Recovery requires a slowdown.
(18:42):
It requires you to prioritizerest and making conscious
choices about where your energygoes.
So step one is to prioritizerest and recovery.
Burnout happens when you'rerunning on empty for too long.
So your first priority is togive yourself permission to rest
, and that means real rest, notjust zoning out in front of the
(19:04):
tv while your mind races aboutwhat you should really be doing,
but prioritize deep sleep,mindfulness and unplugging from
work and responsibilitieswhenever possible.
If, if burnout is severe, thismight mean taking a leave from
work or stepping back fromresponsibilities at home.
If you don't prioritize rest,burnout is going to continue to
(19:26):
escalate.
It's going to affect yourhealth, relationships and your
performance at work.
If you do commit to realrecovery, you can reset your
body and mind before burnoutturns into long-term exhaustion
or illness.
Consider talking to a doctor ora therapist about taking an
extended break if needed.
Step away from non-essentialresponsibilities or lean on
(19:48):
support systems, whether it'schild care, respite for elderly
parents or delicate tasks atwork.
Try to learn to unplug.
Take real breaks from screens,emails and notifications.
Episode 11 of the CodependentDoctor is a book review on the
book Real Self-Care by PoojaLakshman, which I found really
(20:09):
helpful for this.
Step two is to re-evaluate yourpriorities and set boundaries.
Burnout often comes from tryingto do too much for too long,
especially when we feel like wehave to.
The truth is not everythingdeserves your energy, so take a
step back and ask what can I letgo of?
Where am I wasting my energy onthings that don't truly matter?
(20:33):
We're all juggling about 10balls in the air at once, but
some of those balls are made ofglass and others are made of
more concrete things that aren'tgoing to break if they fall.
So focus on what's important.
Without setting boundaries, youstay stuck in the same cycle,
feeling drained and overwhelmed.
By setting clear limits, you'regoing to free up time and
(20:54):
energy for what actually matters.
So try saying no without guilt.
Your energy is valuable.
Now, this is easier said thandone.
Episode eight is on settingboundaries, and this might be
able to help you say no withoutguilt.
Try to delegate tasks at workand home instead of doing
everything for yourself.
If possible, work with youremployer to maybe adjust your
(21:17):
workload or explore some otherflexible options.
Identify energy leaks,unnecessary commitments, toxic
relationships or habits that aredraining you.
Step three shift your mindsetaround productivity and rest.
Many of us have beenconditioned to believe that our
worth is tied up in how much wedo.
(21:37):
This mindset makes burnoutworse because it creates guilt
around rest.
The reality is, rest isn't areward, it's a necessity.
If you keep pushing yourselfbeyond your limits, you're going
to experience chronic burnout,anxiety and even physical
illness.
If you embrace balance, you canwork, care for others and rest
(21:58):
without feeling constantlydrained.
So try reframing your thinking.
Instead of I have to doeverything, remind yourself I
deserve to rest.
Replace unhealthy copingmechanisms like overworking,
numbing out with healthy stressmanagement tools like exercise
or deep breathing or hobbiesthat bring you joy.
Accept that productivityculture is a trap.
(22:22):
More work doesn't always meanbetter results.
Step four build yourself asupport system and ask for help.
Burnout thrives in isolation.
Many people are suffering insilence and they're afraid of
being judged or as being seen asweak or as struggling.
But asking for help is not afailure.
(22:43):
It's actually a sign ofstrength, whether it's at work,
in parenting or in caregiving.
You don't have to do it aloneIf you try to handle everything
alone, burnout is going to keepcoming back.
If you build yourself a supportnetwork, you create a
sustainable way to manage yourstress.
Communicate your needs, whetherthat be at work, with family or
(23:03):
in your relationships.
Try seeking professional helpif you need guidance in managing
stress and mental health.
Try surrounding yourself withpeople who support balance and
not just hustle.
Recovering from burnout andpreventing it in the future
requires intentional change.
It's about stepping back,prioritizing what really matters
(23:23):
and letting go of the pressuresto do it all.
Burnout isn't a personalweakness.
It's a signal that somethingneeds to change and you have the
power to change it.
So this brings us to the end ofthe episode today.
Here are some reflectionexercises for this week, if you
would like to do some journalwork.
Describe a time when you feltcompletely drained.
(23:46):
What were the warning signs andhow did it affect your life?
List your biggest energy drains.
What can you do to let go or todelegate?
Do you feel guilty for resting?
How come?
How can you give yourselfpermission to slow down?
Where do you struggle to say no?
Write a few boundary settingscripts that you can use.
(24:07):
What activities did you used tolike doing.
What's one small way that youcan bring one of those
activities back this week.
If you have a comment, I'dreally appreciate it if you
could like, subscribe and maybeleave a comment on the podcast.
It really helps others whomight benefit from the podcast
to find it more easily.
I've started a newsletter whichis loaded with great
(24:30):
information on codependencyrecovery, and I'm also on Blue
Sky now under at drangeladowney.
You can still find me onFacebook and Instagram, so let's
connect.
I wish you all a great week asyou learn to foster a better
relationship with the mostimportant person in your life
yourself.
I'm going to meet you here nextweek for another episode of the
(24:51):
Codependent Doctor when I'mgoing to be talking about being
stuck in victim mode.
Take care for now.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
(25:11):
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week foranother episode of the
Codependent Doctor, we can dothis together.
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