April 21, 2025 • 16 mins
In this episode of The Codependent Doctor, I delve into the often-overlooked aspect of healing: the loneliness that can accompany personal growth. While healing is frequently portrayed as a beautiful and empowering journey, it can also feel isolating, especially when you start setting boundaries and stepping away from toxic patterns.
I discuss how this loneliness is not a sign of failure but rather a natural part of the healing process. As you begin to prioritize yourself and your needs, you may notice shifts in your relationships, with some people drifting away as you no longer fulfill the roles they relied on. This can feel disorienting and even painful, but it’s essential to recognize that you are making space for healthier connections.
Throughout the episode, I encourage listeners to embrace the quiet moments that come with this transition. Instead of rushing to fill the void, I suggest taking time to reconnect with yourself, exploring old hobbies, and allowing yourself to be curious and playful. I also emphasize the importance of seeking safe support during this time, whether through therapy, support groups, or online communities.
Ultimately, I remind you that loneliness is not a punishment but a doorway to deeper self-discovery and more authentic relationships. As you navigate this journey, remember that you are not alone, and the space you are creating will lead to a more fulfilling and joyful life.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Everyone talks about healing like it's this
empowering beautiful thing andit is.
But what people don't talkabout enough is how lonely it
can feel at times.
When you start settingboundaries and walking away from
toxic patterns or saying no tothings that once defined you.
It can feel like you've steppedoff the edge of a cliff.
That loneliness isn't failure.
(00:21):
It's actually part of thehealing process.
That loneliness isn't failure.
It's actually part of thehealing process.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
(00:42):
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent, dr
Angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
(01:03):
the 38th episode of theCodependent Doctor.
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent.
Today's episode, we're going tobe focusing on the loneliness of
healing that no one ever warnedyou about.
Everyone talks about healinglike it's this magical,
empowering journey all sunset,yoga poses and deep inner peace
(01:24):
and, yes, sometimes it can bereally beautiful.
But you know, what people don'toften tell you Is that it can
also be super lonely, like Ijust RSVP'd no to everything in
my life and now it's just me,snacks and my thoughts kind of
loneliness.
When you start settingboundaries, saying no, choosing
yourself over old patterns, itcan feel a little or a lot
(01:46):
isolating.
You might start looking aroundand realizing that not everyone
is coming on this journey withyou.
Old friends might feeldifferent, certain conversations
might feel awkward, you mighteven feel like a stranger to
yourself some days.
And that loneliness it's not asign that you're doing something
wrong.
It's actually proof that you'rehealing.
You're not broken, you're notfailing.
(02:08):
You're just growing in a waythat a lot of people never give
themselves permission to do.
And yes, sometimes growinglooks a little bit like Saturday
night spent with a mud mask,journaling your feelings and
wondering if you're about toturn into a full-time hermit.
But you won't.
Healing isn't just about findingyourself.
It's about carving out spacethat you need to be able to grow
(02:29):
, even when it feelsuncomfortable or unfamiliar.
It's about making peace withthe places, the people and the
patterns that you've outgrownand learning to trust that new
and better things are alreadymaking their way to you.
You're exactly where you'resupposed to be and that lonely
feeling is only temporary.
When you start healing, thingsare going to shift and not
(02:52):
everyone in your life is goingto shift with you.
You're growing, but some peopleare going to stay exactly the
same way and that can feel alittle disorienting at times,
like you've now stepped into anew room and everyone else
stayed behind.
You might start noticing thatcertain relationships were built
on things like people pleasingand caregiving or ignoring your
(03:13):
own needs just to keep the peace.
And when you stop doing that,when you stop being the yes
person, the fixer or the I'lljust handle it person, some
people naturally start to driftaway because you're not doing
those things for them anymore.
It might feel a little likerejection at first, but it's not
.
It's just clarity.
(03:34):
You're seeing for the firsttime who truly values you, for
you, not just what you did forthem.
You'll also find yourself witha lot more emotional space that
you didn't have before.
When you're not constantlymanaging everyone else's
feelings, there's a new kind ofquiet that shows up in your life
.
At first that quiet can feel alittle strange like, hmm, what
(03:58):
am I going to do with myself now?
That's okay.
That is space where the realyou gets to breathe again and,
honestly, in the beginning youmight not even know who you are
without those old rules andhabits.
That's not a failure.
It's a great, and sometimesmaybe a little awkward, first
step towards becoming someonethat you actually recognize and
(04:20):
love.
Maybe you used to be the friendwho dropped everything whenever
someone else needed help.
You skipped your own plans,stayed up late, talking people
through their problems, said yeseven when you were running on
fumes.
Now you're starting to saythings like I can't tonight, or
I need some time to myself, andsuddenly people who were always
(04:40):
around when you were availablearen't texting as much as they
used to.
It feels really personal and itcan feel lonely.
It feels like you did somethingwrong, but what's really
happening is this therelationships that needed you to
abandon yourself just tosurvive are now falling away,
and that's making room forrelationships where you get to
show up as your full, whole self.
(05:01):
The loneliness that you feelnow is you cleaning up space for
the life that you actually want.
Sometimes you might end upmissing the old version of
yourself, the one who said yesto everything and who smoothed
things over, maybe who made surethat everyone else was okay,
even though that version of youwas tired and stretched thin and
(05:22):
maybe even hurting, it wasfamiliar, and sometimes familiar
feels safer than being free.
You might find yourself missingthe comfort of being needed,
even if being needed was slowlydraining you.
You might feel nostalgic forwhen things were easier, even if
those patterns were hurting you.
You might even wonder was itreally that bad?
Maybe I should just go back tothe way things were.
(05:43):
That's grief talking, and it'scompletely normal.
Part of why this grief feels soheavy is because you're not just
losing old habits.
You're losing an identity thatyou built your life around For a
long time.
Being the helper, the fixer orthe peacekeeper wasn't just
something that you did.
It was who you thought you were.
(06:04):
It was how you made yourselfvaluable in relationships.
It's what made you feel needed,important and worthy of love
and belonging.
When you start stepping awayfrom those old roles, it's
completely normal to feel alittle scared.
You might even wonder if I'mnot the one fixing everything,
then where do I fit in?
If I'm not the one alwaysgiving, will people still want
(06:27):
me around, or if I'm not needed,am I still loved?
And that fear makes sense.
You built your sense of safetyaround being essential to other
people.
You learn that your place inpeople's lives depended on how
much you could give or sacrificeand solve.
And now, by setting theseboundaries and choosing yourself
, you're stepping into unknownterritory.
(06:49):
You're learning, maybe for thefirst time, that your worth
doesn't come from yourusefulness.
It doesn't come from carryingeveryone else's emotions or
fixing their problems or makingyourself small just to keep the
peace.
It comes from you simply beingyourself.
Yes, there's grief in letting goof those old roles and, yes,
(07:10):
there's this fear in wonderingwhere you fit in now roles, and,
yes, there's this fear inwondering where you fit in now.
But you're not becoming less,you're becoming more.
You and the right people, theones who love you for who you
truly are, are going to meet youthere.
Maybe you haven't met them yetand you're going to need to wait
for them to find you.
The truth is, when you stopshowing up as who you think you
(07:31):
have to be, you make space forthe right people, the ones who
see and love you for who you are.
It might not happen overnightand that can feel a little scary
at times.
But every time you show up alittle more honestly, you're
sending out a signal this is whoI really am and somewhere out
there, the people who are meantfor you, the ones who don't need
(07:51):
you to sacrifice yourself toearn their love, they're going
to hear that and they're goingto recognize you.
You're not losing connectionforever.
You're just clearing the wayfor deeper, truer and healthier
connections to take root.
Healing isn't just about movingforward.
It's also about saying goodbye.
Goodbye to who you thought youhad to be, goodbye to the old
(08:13):
ways of surviving, the peoplepleasing, the shrinking, the
carrying everyone else'sfeelings on your back.
Goodbye to the relationshipsthat only loved you when you
kept yourself small and honestly.
That goodbye can hurt and itcan feel lonely and it can make
you wonder if you made the rightdecision.
Feeling lonely after startingyour healthy journey isn't
failure.
(08:33):
It's not a sign that you'vemessed up or that you're
destined to be alone.
It's a transition, arecalibration of sorts.
Right now it might feel emptybecause you're in between the
life that you outgrew and thelife that you're building.
This is where self-trust startsto grow, in those quiet spaces
where you get to meet yourselfagain, where you get to realize
(08:54):
that you're not alone.
You have you.
I'm going to try to create ametaphor here using a hermit
crab, because that's what'scoming to my mind.
Healing is a lot like being ahermit crab who's outgrown its
old shell.
At first that old shell feelssafe.
It might be small and tight,but it's familiar.
And even though it started tosqueeze and pinch you in areas
(09:17):
that you didn't like, eventhough it's harder to move now,
it still feels scary to imagineleaving it behind.
But growth doesn't give youmuch of a choice.
One day you realize that youjust can't stay small anymore.
So you step out.
Your underbelly is exposed,you're vulnerable, a little
wobbly, and you start lookingfor something that fits the
(09:38):
person that you're becoming.
That's the hardest part no onetalks about enough.
It's that in-between stage, thepart where you don't have your
old protection anymore but yournew life hasn't fully formed yet
.
It's lonely and scary andsometimes uncomfortable.
But it's also necessary,because staying cramped in
something that no longer fitsisn't living, it's just
(10:00):
surviving.
The loneliness you feel rightnow isn't a sign that you made
the wrong choice.
It's proof that you're braveenough to grow and just like
that hermit crab that eventuallyfinds himself a bigger, better
shell.
You too are moving towardsrelationships, spaces and a life
that fits who you truly are,not the you that you had to be.
(10:23):
When loneliness shows up, yourfirst instinct might be to panic
a little, thinking that you'regoing to be alone forever.
You might want to rush to fixit.
Call someone, say yes tosomething that you don't want to
, just to slide back into.
Call someone, say yes tosomething that you don't want to
, just to slide back into oldhabits and feel connected again.
That's normal.
That's just your nervous systemcraving the comfort that it
used to know.
But there's a different way tomeet that loneliness, one that
(10:46):
doesn't abandon yourself in theprocess.
First, it's okay to name it.
Instead of pushing down orpretending that you're fine, try
simply saying to yourself Ifeel lonely right now.
You're not pushing the feelingaway, you're giving it a name.
And when you name a feeling, itstops being this huge,
overwhelming thing taking overeverything in the background.
(11:07):
Second, resist the urge to rush.
You don't have to fill theempty space immediately.
You don't have to chase oldpatterns just to feel busy,
needed or distracted.
It's tempting, especially whenthe loneliness feels really
heavy, to reach for anythingthat makes you feel productive
or useful again.
But this time it's different.
(11:27):
This time, give yourselfpermission just to be, to sit in
the quiet, even if it's strangeor uncomfortable at first.
Sometimes that awkwardstillness you feel isn't a sign
that something's wrong.
It's your heart adjusting to anew and healthier rhythm.
Instead of rushing to fill thesilence, you can use this space
(11:48):
to take gentle care of yourself.
Maybe that looks like startinga simple meditation practice,
even if it's just a quiet fiveminutes of breathing each
morning.
Maybe it's moving your bodythrough stretching, walking or
exercising, not to punishyourself but to reconnect with
how strong and alive you are.
(12:08):
Maybe it's building smallself-care rituals that feel
calming and steady.
Maybe making tea or lighting acandle, reading a book just
because you want to.
This isn't about checking thingsoff a list.
It's about learning how to bewith yourself in a new way, with
patience, with care and with asense of curiosity.
When you stop rushing, youstart realizing that you were
(12:29):
never empty to begin with.
You were just making space forthe next, truer version of you
to unfold and finally lean intosafe support.
You don't have to do this alone.
It's okay to reach out topeople who get it, whether
that's a therapist, a supportgroup or maybe an online
community where healing andgrowth are celebrated.
You deserve support thatdoesn't require you to shrink,
(12:52):
hide or over-function to beloved.
Loneliness is real, but it's nota sign that you're going
backwards is real, but it's nota sign that you're going
backwards.
It's temporary, even if itsometimes feels like it's going
to last forever.
Right now, things might feelquiet, uncomfortable or even
scary, but on the other side ofthis loneliness is freedom.
It's self-respect, healthier,deeper relationships built on
(13:14):
truth instead of people-pleasing.
You're not broken.
You're just rebuilding.
You're making space for clarity, for peace, for real
connections and yes, it's alittle quiet, but sometimes
silence is exactly what we needto finally hear ourselves again.
This is the perfect time to askwho am I when I'm not managing
everyone else's feelings?
(13:35):
What do I love when I'm notjust surviving?
What dreams did I forget whileI was so busy shrinking myself?
You might find yourself beingpulled back to old hobbies or
interests that you used to love,like painting, gardening,
writing, dancing or exploring,or you might feel curious about
trying something completely new.
You might even feel a littlesilly at first just picking up
(13:57):
an old instrument and realizingthat you're totally out of tune.
That's okay.
Play anyway and try it.
This isn't about beingimpressive.
It's about letting yourselfbecome playful and curious and
creative again, without needinganyone's approval.
Loneliness isn't a punishment.
It's a doorway, and every timeyou reconnect with something
that feels true to you, you'rebuilding a life that feels more
(14:20):
real, more joyful and more yours.
You're not alone in feelinglonely, and one day, soon, this
space that you've created isgoing to feel like peace, not
emptiness.
That's it for today.
This episode has been short andsweet.
I'm in the final stages offinishing my workbook, so I've
been in deep editing mode lately.
My book is called Enough as IAm, and I'm so excited to stages
(14:43):
of finishing my workbook, soI've been in deep editing mode
lately.
My book is called Enough as IAm, and I'm so excited to share
it with you soon.
It should be on Amazon in thenext month or so.
Thank you for hanging out withme today and for being part of
this journey, and remember thatyou're already enough just as
you are.
If you have a moment, I'dreally appreciate it if you
could like and subscribe orleave a comment for the podcast.
It's a free resource that Ilike to put out there for people
(15:05):
, but they're not going to findit unless we do the work to
share it.
I wish you all a great week asyou learn to foster a better
relationship with the mostimportant person in your life
yourself.
I'm going to meet you here nextweek for another episode of the
Codependent Doctor, when we'regoing to be talking about losing
yourself in what you do and notwho you are.
Take care for now.
(15:25):
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
(15:46):
I'll talk to you next week foranother episode of the
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
Everyone talks about healing like it's this
empowering beautiful thing andit is.
But what people don't talkabout enough is how lonely it
can feel at times.
When you start settingboundaries and walking away from
toxic patterns or saying no tothings that once defined you.
It can feel like you've steppedoff the edge of a cliff.
That loneliness isn't failure.
(00:21):
It's actually part of thehealing process.
That loneliness isn't failure.
It's actually part of thehealing process.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
(00:42):
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent, dr
Angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
(01:03):
the 38th episode of theCodependent Doctor.
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent.
Today's episode, we're going tobe focusing on the loneliness of
healing that no one ever warnedyou about.
Everyone talks about healinglike it's this magical,
empowering journey all sunset,yoga poses and deep inner peace
(01:24):
and, yes, sometimes it can bereally beautiful.
But you know, what people don'toften tell you Is that it can
also be super lonely, like Ijust RSVP'd no to everything in
my life and now it's just me,snacks and my thoughts kind of
loneliness.
When you start settingboundaries, saying no, choosing
yourself over old patterns, itcan feel a little or a lot
(01:46):
isolating.
You might start looking aroundand realizing that not everyone
is coming on this journey withyou.
Old friends might feeldifferent, certain conversations
might feel awkward, you mighteven feel like a stranger to
yourself some days.
And that loneliness it's not asign that you're doing something
wrong.
It's actually proof that you'rehealing.
You're not broken, you're notfailing.
(02:08):
You're just growing in a waythat a lot of people never give
themselves permission to do.
And yes, sometimes growinglooks a little bit like Saturday
night spent with a mud mask,journaling your feelings and
wondering if you're about toturn into a full-time hermit.
But you won't.
Healing isn't just about findingyourself.
It's about carving out spacethat you need to be able to grow
(02:29):
, even when it feelsuncomfortable or unfamiliar.
It's about making peace withthe places, the people and the
patterns that you've outgrownand learning to trust that new
and better things are alreadymaking their way to you.
You're exactly where you'resupposed to be and that lonely
feeling is only temporary.
When you start healing, thingsare going to shift and not
(02:52):
everyone in your life is goingto shift with you.
You're growing, but some peopleare going to stay exactly the
same way and that can feel alittle disorienting at times,
like you've now stepped into anew room and everyone else
stayed behind.
You might start noticing thatcertain relationships were built
on things like people pleasingand caregiving or ignoring your
(03:13):
own needs just to keep the peace.
And when you stop doing that,when you stop being the yes
person, the fixer or the I'lljust handle it person, some
people naturally start to driftaway because you're not doing
those things for them anymore.
It might feel a little likerejection at first, but it's not
.
It's just clarity.
(03:34):
You're seeing for the firsttime who truly values you, for
you, not just what you did forthem.
You'll also find yourself witha lot more emotional space that
you didn't have before.
When you're not constantlymanaging everyone else's
feelings, there's a new kind ofquiet that shows up in your life
.
At first that quiet can feel alittle strange like, hmm, what
(03:58):
am I going to do with myself now?
That's okay.
That is space where the realyou gets to breathe again and,
honestly, in the beginning youmight not even know who you are
without those old rules andhabits.
That's not a failure.
It's a great, and sometimesmaybe a little awkward, first
step towards becoming someonethat you actually recognize and
(04:20):
love.
Maybe you used to be the friendwho dropped everything whenever
someone else needed help.
You skipped your own plans,stayed up late, talking people
through their problems, said yeseven when you were running on
fumes.
Now you're starting to saythings like I can't tonight, or
I need some time to myself, andsuddenly people who were always
(04:40):
around when you were availablearen't texting as much as they
used to.
It feels really personal and itcan feel lonely.
It feels like you did somethingwrong, but what's really
happening is this therelationships that needed you to
abandon yourself just tosurvive are now falling away,
and that's making room forrelationships where you get to
show up as your full, whole self.
(05:01):
The loneliness that you feelnow is you cleaning up space for
the life that you actually want.
Sometimes you might end upmissing the old version of
yourself, the one who said yesto everything and who smoothed
things over, maybe who made surethat everyone else was okay,
even though that version of youwas tired and stretched thin and
(05:22):
maybe even hurting, it wasfamiliar, and sometimes familiar
feels safer than being free.
You might find yourself missingthe comfort of being needed,
even if being needed was slowlydraining you.
You might feel nostalgic forwhen things were easier, even if
those patterns were hurting you.
You might even wonder was itreally that bad?
Maybe I should just go back tothe way things were.
(05:43):
That's grief talking, and it'scompletely normal.
Part of why this grief feels soheavy is because you're not just
losing old habits.
You're losing an identity thatyou built your life around For a
long time.
Being the helper, the fixer orthe peacekeeper wasn't just
something that you did.
It was who you thought you were.
(06:04):
It was how you made yourselfvaluable in relationships.
It's what made you feel needed,important and worthy of love
and belonging.
When you start stepping awayfrom those old roles, it's
completely normal to feel alittle scared.
You might even wonder if I'mnot the one fixing everything,
then where do I fit in?
If I'm not the one alwaysgiving, will people still want
(06:27):
me around, or if I'm not needed,am I still loved?
And that fear makes sense.
You built your sense of safetyaround being essential to other
people.
You learn that your place inpeople's lives depended on how
much you could give or sacrificeand solve.
And now, by setting theseboundaries and choosing yourself
, you're stepping into unknownterritory.
(06:49):
You're learning, maybe for thefirst time, that your worth
doesn't come from yourusefulness.
It doesn't come from carryingeveryone else's emotions or
fixing their problems or makingyourself small just to keep the
peace.
It comes from you simply beingyourself.
Yes, there's grief in letting goof those old roles and, yes,
(07:10):
there's this fear in wonderingwhere you fit in now roles, and,
yes, there's this fear inwondering where you fit in now.
But you're not becoming less,you're becoming more.
You and the right people, theones who love you for who you
truly are, are going to meet youthere.
Maybe you haven't met them yetand you're going to need to wait
for them to find you.
The truth is, when you stopshowing up as who you think you
(07:31):
have to be, you make space forthe right people, the ones who
see and love you for who you are.
It might not happen overnightand that can feel a little scary
at times.
But every time you show up alittle more honestly, you're
sending out a signal this is whoI really am and somewhere out
there, the people who are meantfor you, the ones who don't need
(07:51):
you to sacrifice yourself toearn their love, they're going
to hear that and they're goingto recognize you.
You're not losing connectionforever.
You're just clearing the wayfor deeper, truer and healthier
connections to take root.
Healing isn't just about movingforward.
It's also about saying goodbye.
Goodbye to who you thought youhad to be, goodbye to the old
(08:13):
ways of surviving, the peoplepleasing, the shrinking, the
carrying everyone else'sfeelings on your back.
Goodbye to the relationshipsthat only loved you when you
kept yourself small and honestly.
That goodbye can hurt and itcan feel lonely and it can make
you wonder if you made the rightdecision.
Feeling lonely after startingyour healthy journey isn't
failure.
(08:33):
It's not a sign that you'vemessed up or that you're
destined to be alone.
It's a transition, arecalibration of sorts.
Right now it might feel emptybecause you're in between the
life that you outgrew and thelife that you're building.
This is where self-trust startsto grow, in those quiet spaces
where you get to meet yourselfagain, where you get to realize
(08:54):
that you're not alone.
You have you.
I'm going to try to create ametaphor here using a hermit
crab, because that's what'scoming to my mind.
Healing is a lot like being ahermit crab who's outgrown its
old shell.
At first that old shell feelssafe.
It might be small and tight,but it's familiar.
And even though it started tosqueeze and pinch you in areas
(09:17):
that you didn't like, eventhough it's harder to move now,
it still feels scary to imagineleaving it behind.
But growth doesn't give youmuch of a choice.
One day you realize that youjust can't stay small anymore.
So you step out.
Your underbelly is exposed,you're vulnerable, a little
wobbly, and you start lookingfor something that fits the
(09:38):
person that you're becoming.
That's the hardest part no onetalks about enough.
It's that in-between stage, thepart where you don't have your
old protection anymore but yournew life hasn't fully formed yet
.
It's lonely and scary andsometimes uncomfortable.
But it's also necessary,because staying cramped in
something that no longer fitsisn't living, it's just
(10:00):
surviving.
The loneliness you feel rightnow isn't a sign that you made
the wrong choice.
It's proof that you're braveenough to grow and just like
that hermit crab that eventuallyfinds himself a bigger, better
shell.
You too are moving towardsrelationships, spaces and a life
that fits who you truly are,not the you that you had to be.
(10:23):
When loneliness shows up, yourfirst instinct might be to panic
a little, thinking that you'regoing to be alone forever.
You might want to rush to fixit.
Call someone, say yes tosomething that you don't want to
, just to slide back into.
Call someone, say yes tosomething that you don't want to
, just to slide back into oldhabits and feel connected again.
That's normal.
That's just your nervous systemcraving the comfort that it
used to know.
But there's a different way tomeet that loneliness, one that
(10:46):
doesn't abandon yourself in theprocess.
First, it's okay to name it.
Instead of pushing down orpretending that you're fine, try
simply saying to yourself Ifeel lonely right now.
You're not pushing the feelingaway, you're giving it a name.
And when you name a feeling, itstops being this huge,
overwhelming thing taking overeverything in the background.
(11:07):
Second, resist the urge to rush.
You don't have to fill theempty space immediately.
You don't have to chase oldpatterns just to feel busy,
needed or distracted.
It's tempting, especially whenthe loneliness feels really
heavy, to reach for anythingthat makes you feel productive
or useful again.
But this time it's different.
(11:27):
This time, give yourselfpermission just to be, to sit in
the quiet, even if it's strangeor uncomfortable at first.
Sometimes that awkwardstillness you feel isn't a sign
that something's wrong.
It's your heart adjusting to anew and healthier rhythm.
Instead of rushing to fill thesilence, you can use this space
(11:48):
to take gentle care of yourself.
Maybe that looks like startinga simple meditation practice,
even if it's just a quiet fiveminutes of breathing each
morning.
Maybe it's moving your bodythrough stretching, walking or
exercising, not to punishyourself but to reconnect with
how strong and alive you are.
(12:08):
Maybe it's building smallself-care rituals that feel
calming and steady.
Maybe making tea or lighting acandle, reading a book just
because you want to.
This isn't about checking thingsoff a list.
It's about learning how to bewith yourself in a new way, with
patience, with care and with asense of curiosity.
When you stop rushing, youstart realizing that you were
(12:29):
never empty to begin with.
You were just making space forthe next, truer version of you
to unfold and finally lean intosafe support.
You don't have to do this alone.
It's okay to reach out topeople who get it, whether
that's a therapist, a supportgroup or maybe an online
community where healing andgrowth are celebrated.
You deserve support thatdoesn't require you to shrink,
(12:52):
hide or over-function to beloved.
Loneliness is real, but it's nota sign that you're going
backwards is real, but it's nota sign that you're going
backwards.
It's temporary, even if itsometimes feels like it's going
to last forever.
Right now, things might feelquiet, uncomfortable or even
scary, but on the other side ofthis loneliness is freedom.
It's self-respect, healthier,deeper relationships built on
(13:14):
truth instead of people-pleasing.
You're not broken.
You're just rebuilding.
You're making space for clarity, for peace, for real
connections and yes, it's alittle quiet, but sometimes
silence is exactly what we needto finally hear ourselves again.
This is the perfect time to askwho am I when I'm not managing
everyone else's feelings?
(13:35):
What do I love when I'm notjust surviving?
What dreams did I forget whileI was so busy shrinking myself?
You might find yourself beingpulled back to old hobbies or
interests that you used to love,like painting, gardening,
writing, dancing or exploring,or you might feel curious about
trying something completely new.
You might even feel a littlesilly at first just picking up
(13:57):
an old instrument and realizingthat you're totally out of tune.
That's okay.
Play anyway and try it.
This isn't about beingimpressive.
It's about letting yourselfbecome playful and curious and
creative again, without needinganyone's approval.
Loneliness isn't a punishment.
It's a doorway, and every timeyou reconnect with something
that feels true to you, you'rebuilding a life that feels more
(14:20):
real, more joyful and more yours.
You're not alone in feelinglonely, and one day, soon, this
space that you've created isgoing to feel like peace, not
emptiness.
That's it for today.
This episode has been short andsweet.
I'm in the final stages offinishing my workbook, so I've
been in deep editing mode lately.
My book is called Enough as IAm, and I'm so excited to stages
(14:43):
of finishing my workbook, soI've been in deep editing mode
lately.
My book is called Enough as IAm, and I'm so excited to share
it with you soon.
It should be on Amazon in thenext month or so.
Thank you for hanging out withme today and for being part of
this journey, and remember thatyou're already enough just as
you are.
If you have a moment, I'dreally appreciate it if you
could like and subscribe orleave a comment for the podcast.
It's a free resource that Ilike to put out there for people
(15:05):
, but they're not going to findit unless we do the work to
share it.
I wish you all a great week asyou learn to foster a better
relationship with the mostimportant person in your life
yourself.
I'm going to meet you here nextweek for another episode of the
Codependent Doctor, when we'regoing to be talking about losing
yourself in what you do and notwho you are.
Take care for now.
(15:25):
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
(15:46):
I'll talk to you next week foranother episode of the
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
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