December 14, 2024 • 19 mins
Ever wondered why solitude can feel so enriching, yet loneliness feels so heavy? Join me as we dissect the nuanced differences between being alone and feeling lonely. Discover how alone time can be a crucial pillar for personal growth and self-connection, providing a much-needed escape from external pressures. We'll explore loneliness as an emotional signal urging us to seek meaningful bonds and why even a room full of people might not fill that void. With the holiday season looming, we’ll tackle practical strategies to craft personal traditions, reach out to loved ones, and engage with your community, ensuring that loneliness doesn't overshadow your festivities.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast.
Today we're diving into a topicthat hits home for so many of
us being alone versus beinglonely.
These two things often getmixed up, but they're actually
really different experiences.
You can be alone and feeltotally at peace, or you can be
surrounded by people and feellonelier than ever.
In this episode, we'll talkabout what it really means to be
(00:26):
alone and why it's not always abad thing, and how loneliness
can sneak up on us even in thebusiest of lives, whether you're
navigating solo time, dealingwith disconnection in
relationships or just trying tounderstand your own feelings.
We're breaking it all down.
So have a seat and let's figureout how to embrace being alone
without feeling lonely.
(00:47):
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
(01:08):
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent, dr
Angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
the 20th episode of theCodependent Doctor.
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent.
(01:29):
Today's episode will focus onbeing alone versus being lonely.
I just want to take a minute tothank all of you who tune in
every week.
It really means so much to me.
We're officially halfwaythrough our December journaling
challenge and I hope that you'restarting to feel a little more
clarity on what you want tofocus on in the new year.
The goal here isn't aboutfixing yourself, because, let's
(01:50):
be real, there's nothing wrongwith you.
It's all about figuring outwhat changes could help you feel
more aligned with your trueself.
I'm so honored to be part ofthis journey with you.
Growth is a process, and takingeven small steps towards
understanding yourself better issomething to celebrate.
If you have any questions aboutthe challenge or if you've got
any ideas for topics that you'dlike to see in future episodes,
(02:11):
please don't hesitate to reachout, and I'd love to hear from
you.
So what does it mean to bealone versus being lonely?
I spend a lot of time alone andI really value my quiet time.
I work on my podcasts alone.
I go to the spa alone.
I'm okay going to movies oreating restaurants alone if I
need to, but I never feel lonely.
(02:32):
Some people might use the termbeing alone and being lonely
interchangeably, but there'sactually a huge difference
between them.
Being alone is simply aboutbeing physically by yourself.
It doesn't automatically meanthat there's something bad or
that you're lonely.
In fact, alone time can be oneof the most underrated gifts
that we give ourselves.
It's a chance to pause, breatheand take a break from that
(02:54):
constant buzz of life around us.
Alone time can be refreshing,especially if you've had a
hectic day or a week filled withlots of responsibilities,
conversations and noise.
It's that moment where youdon't have to think about anyone
else's needs or expectations.
You can just focus on you.
(03:16):
For some people, being alone islike plugging your phone in at
the end of the day.
It recharges your energy andhelps you show up better for
others later on.
Introverts are often thought ofas the ultimate champions of
alone time.
They generally feel moreenergized and comfortable in a
quieter, low-key setting.
Being around lots of people orbeing in highly stimulating
environments can often drainthem, even if they're having a
good time.
But it's not just about resting.
(03:37):
It can also be empowering.
When you're alone, you get toreconnect with yourself.
You can reflect on yourthoughts, feelings and goals
without any distractions aroundyou.
It's where a lot of creativityand clarity comes from.
Those aha moments often comewhen your mind is calm and
you're free to wander.
Being alone doesn't have to besome grand soul-searching
(03:57):
experience.
It's often found in the littleeveryday moments that bring you
peace Enjoying a quiet night,when you're curled up on the
couch binge-watching yourfavorite show, or lost in a book
that you've been wanting toread.
No interruptions, no agenda,just pure me time.
Taking a walk in nature canwork wonders the fresh air, the
(04:17):
sound of the trees, the absenceof small talk.
It's like hitting a mentalreset button.
Journaling or meditating,sitting with your thoughts,
whether you're writing them downor letting them pass, your
meditation can help you check inwith yourself.
It's a way to process youremotions, set intentions or just
clear your mind.
The beauty of being alone isthat it lets you prioritize your
(04:38):
needs without guilt or pressure.
It's not about avoiding people.
It's about creating space toexplore your thoughts, relax and
rediscover what makes you tick.
It's where you get to askyourself what do I need right
now, and actually give yourselfthe time to answer that question
.
Loneliness, on the other hand,is an emotional state, and it's
(04:59):
all about feeling disconnected.
You can be in a crowded roomfull of people laughing and
chatting, yet still feel a deepsense of loneliness.
Because loneliness isn't aboutbeing alone.
It's about feeling unseen,unheard or unsupported.
It's that hollow ache thatcreeps in when you're longing
for connection, but you can'tseem to find it.
It doesn't matter if you'resurrounded by family, friends or
(05:22):
coworkers.
If those relationships lackdepth or meaning, loneliness can
still take hold.
And sometimes it's not evenabout other people.
You can feel lonely when you'restruggling to connect with
yourself too.
Loneliness feels so heavybecause humans are wired for
connection.
It's not just something that wewant, it's something that we
need.
(05:42):
Our brains and bodies are builtto thrive in the presence of
meaningful relationships.
We crave bonds where we'retruly seen, valued and
understood.
When those connections aremissing, it's more than just
disappointing.
It can feel deeply isolating,almost like something is out of
balance in your life.
This instinct for connectiongoes way back For prehistoric
(06:03):
humans.
Social support wasn't just anice bonus, it was a survival
strategy.
Living in groups was essentialfor hunting, gathering, raising
children and staying safe frompredators.
A lone human in the wild had aslim chance of surviving.
So being part of a connectedgroup became a matter of life
and death.
That's why our need forbelonging is so deeply ingrained
(06:24):
.
Even today, our nervous systemresponds to loneliness as if
we're in danger.
It releases stress hormones andsignaling that something is
wrong.
What makes loneliness tricky isthat it doesn't depend on your
circumstances.
You can feel lonely even whenyou're surrounded by people or
everything in your life seems tobe going well on the outside.
For example, you might be at aparty full of laughter and music
(06:47):
, but feel disconnected andyou're not emotionally in sync
with the people around you.
You could be in a long-termrelationship, but feel lonely if
there's a lack of meaningfulcommunication or emotional
connection.
Even during joyful occasionslike holidays or weddings, you
might feel a pang of lonelinessif you're missing someone or you
don't feel truly included.
That's because loneliness isn'tabout physical presence.
(07:09):
It's about emotional connection.
You can feel surrounded, yetunseen, or busy, but unfulfilled
, and here's the part that weoften overlook.
Loneliness isn't always aboutother people.
Sometimes it's about losingtouch with yourself.
Life can get so busy meetingdeadlines, caring for others or
maintaining appearances that youforget to check in with what
(07:31):
you need when you're constantlygiving and not pausing to
recharge, you can start to feeldisconnected from your own
thoughts and feelings anddesires.
It's like you're running onautopilot, and that sense of
disconnection can be just asisolating as feeling lonely in a
crowd.
The instinct for connectionthat kept our ancestors going is
still alive and ticking in allof us today.
(07:51):
That deep primal instinct toconnect hasn't gone anywhere,
even though the world around ushas completely transformed.
Fast forward to today, and theway that we connect has changed
drastically.
We've got technology, socialmedia and a million ways to stay
in touch without actually beingin touch.
But here's what's tricky Whileour methods of communication
(08:13):
have evolved, the kinds ofconnections that fulfill us
hasn't?
We still crave relationshipswhere we feel seen, valued and
supported, whether that's withfriends, family, a partner or
even ourselves.
And let's not even get startedon how harsh people can be on
social media, especially whenanonymity is involved.
We're often looking for support, connection or validation, but
(08:36):
instead we find ourselves wadingthrough a mess of negativity
and toxic comments just to getto something meaningful.
It can be exhausting and reallydisheartening.
In today's fast-paced world,those meaningful connections can
feel harder to come by.
We're constantly multitasking,glued to our screens or chasing
external goals like careersuccess or personal milestones.
(08:58):
We're busy doing things all thetime, but how often do we stop
to be with the people who matterthe most, or with ourselves?
And that's where lonelinesssneaks in.
It's not a sign that you'reweak or doing something wrong.
It's simply a signal from ourbody and mind saying hey, you
need connection.
You're wired for this.
It's a reminder to hit pauseand slow down and refocus on
(09:21):
what really matters.
Meaningful connection doesn'tjust mean spending time with
others.
It also includes connectingwith yourself.
How can you truly show up forthe people in your life if
you're running on empty orignoring your own needs?
Taking time to nurture yourrelationship with yourself is
just as important as spendingtime with loved ones.
Loneliness can show up in somany ways and often sneaks up
(09:44):
when you least expect it.
Holidays are supposed to be aseason of joy, connection and
warmth.
Right, but let's be real.
Sometimes they're anything butSure.
You might be surrounded byfamily, with food on the table,
holiday music in the backgroundand everyone smiling for the
annual group photo, but inside,something might feel off.
Maybe it's because you'remissing someone who used to be
(10:06):
there, a loved one who's passedaway, or a friend who's drifted
apart, or even a relationshipthat ended.
All those absences feelamplified during the holidays.
The empty seat at the table,the traditions that feel
different without them, thememories of the past holidays
that seem so much brighter incomparison it all adds up to a
deep sense of longing.
(10:26):
Or maybe you're therephysically, but the emotional
connection is lacking.
The conversations feel shallow,like no one's really seeing you
.
You're laughing at jokes,passing around the mashed
potatoes, posing for photos, butunderneath it all there's this
strange emptiness.
It's like you're going throughthe motions, playing the role of
holiday participant, but yourheart isn't in it.
(10:47):
And then there's another layerof holiday loneliness that
doesn't always get talked about.
What happens when you're noteven in the room with family or
friends?
For some people, lonelinessduring the holidays comes from
losing those connectionsentirely.
Maybe you've moved far away orhad a falling out, or maybe your
loved ones simply are no longeraround.
The holidays can be brutal whenyou don't have anyone to spend
(11:12):
with them.
All the images of cozy familydinners and festive gatherings
can feel like a reminder ofwhat's missing, making that
sense of isolation even heavier.
You can even feel lonely whenyou're in a long-term
relationship.
Imagine you're sitting rightnext to someone that you care
about your partner, a friend ora family member but it feels
like there's this invisible wallbetween you.
They're physically there,sharing the same space, but
(11:34):
emotionally it's like they'remiles away.
You're talking, but it's allsurface level stuff like what's
for dinner or what time do thekids need to be picked up, or
random small talk.
There's no depth, no realconnection and, honestly, that
kind of loneliness can feel evenworse than being completely
alone.
When you're physically withsomeone but feel emotionally
(11:56):
disconnected, it creates thishollow space where connections
should be.
It's like looking at a photo ofa meal when you're starving
it's there but it's notnourishing you.
You're in the same room, butthere's no sense of closeness or
being truly seen.
This can happen in long-termrelationships and marriages.
You might share a life, a homeor even kids, but if you're not
(12:17):
regularly checking in with eachother emotionally, that
invisible wall can start to feellike a permanent fixture.
It's not that the love isn'tthere, it's that life gets busy,
routines take over and, beforeyou know it, your relationship
feels more like a partnership tokeep things running than a deep
emotional connection Betweenwork, chores, errands and all
(12:37):
the day-to-day chaos, it's easyto lose track of meaningful
conversations.
You're talking logistics, notfeelings.
Little things left unsaid canbuild up over time.
Even if you're not activelyarguing, unresolved feelings can
create emotional distance.
Loneliness hits hard,especially during the holidays
or when you're in situationswhere connection feels out of
(12:58):
reach, whether you're spendingthe season alone, feeling
disconnected in your marriage,missing people that have drifted
away, or just getting caught upin the comparison trap of
social media.
The good news you can workthrough it.
You don't need to stay lonelyif you don't want to.
I'm going to give you someideas to help you navigate the
tough moments and start buildinga stronger sense of connection,
(13:20):
both with others and withyourself.
So what to do if you're aloneduring the holidays?
Being alone during a timethat's all about togetherness
can be tough, but it doesn'thave to be miserable.
Try creating your owntraditions.
Who says that you can'tcelebrate solo?
Make your favorite meal, watcha holiday movie marathon or
treat yourself to somethingspecial.
Reach out to someone.
(13:41):
Loneliness loves to convince usthat no one cares, but the
chances are that someone in yourcircle does Send a text or give
them a call.
You can likely find someone atthe other end of the line.
Try giving back.
Volunteering can be a powerfulway to feel connected Helping
others, whether it's at ashelter, food bank or just
checking in on a neighbor.
(14:02):
It can create a sense ofpurpose and community.
What if you're feeling lonely inyour marriage?
Loneliness in a relationshipcan feel especially isolating
because your partner is rightthere, but the emotional
connection just isn't.
Try starting the conversation.
It's scary, but talking aboutit is the first step.
Maybe let your partner know howyou're feeling without any kind
(14:22):
of blame.
For example, I miss the waythat we used to connect.
Can we find some time just tobe together and focus on small
moments?
Reconnection doesn't have tomean a huge date night.
Start with little things likeeating dinner together without
phones, or try taking a walk andactually talking.
Don't wait for them to start.
Sometimes taking the first step, like giving a compliment or
(14:43):
showing affection, can set thetone for rebuilding that bond.
What if you've lost connectionwith people you love?
Relationships change andsometimes we drift away from
people who were once close to us.
It happens, but it doesn't haveto stay that way.
Maybe try being the one toreach out.
Send a simple message like hey,I've been thinking about you.
How are you doing?
It might feel awkward, but itcould open a door to
(15:06):
reconnecting.
Acknowledge the distance.
If someone is really important,it's okay to say I feel like we
haven't talked much lately.
I'd like to catch up.
Honesty can go a long way withthis.
Be open to new connections.
Sometimes we lose people and wedon't get them back.
It's hard, but it also createsspace to meet new friends and
deepen other relationships.
(15:26):
What if social media is bringingyou down?
Social media has a way ofmaking us feel like everyone
else has a perfect life, and itcan really mess with your head.
Take a break, log off for a day, a week or however long you
need.
You'll be amazed how muchbetter you feel when you're not
constantly comparing yourself tohighlight reels.
Curate your feed, unfollow ormute accounts that make you feel
(15:47):
bad about yourself.
Follow people or pages thatinspire you, make you laugh or
feel uplifting.
Focus on reality.
Remember that people who seemhappiest online are likely
dealing with their own strugglestoo.
Social media isn't the wholestory.
It's just the filtered version.
Try reconnecting with yourself.
Sometimes, loneliness is aboutmore than other people.
(16:08):
It's about losing touch withyourself.
Spend time doing what you love,whether it's journaling,
painting, working out or reading.
Rediscovering your passions canhelp you feel whole again.
Check in with your feelings,ask yourself what do I need
right now and give yourselfpermission to honor that need.
Practice gratitude.
Loneliness can make us focus onwhat's missing, but taking time
(16:30):
to appreciate the good in yourlife can shift your mindset.
Loneliness is tough, but it'snot permanent.
Whether it's finding ways toconnect with others, rebuilding
relationships or connecting withyourself.
There are some steps that youcan take to feel more connected.
Try reaching out to someone youtrust, make time for deeper
conversations or even just tryspending the afternoon doing
(16:51):
something that reconnects youwith you, because, at the end of
the day, what really fulfillsus isn't the number of things
that we've achieved or how manypeople we know.
It's the depth and the qualityof the relationships that we
build, both with others andwithin ourselves.
Start small and be kind toyourself, and remember that
you're never truly alone infeeling this way.
(17:11):
Before I wrap up the episode, Ijust want to let you know that
I'm working on a smallmini-series for the new year
focusing on addictions.
It's covering topics likeaddictions to food, drugs,
alcohol and exploring thevarious programs available to
help, and I'd love your input.
If there's something specificthat you'd like to hear about or
questions you'd like to haveanswered, maybe personal stories
(17:31):
that you'd like to share,please feel free to email me at
codependentdoctor at gmailcom.
Your insight and experience canmake the series even more
impactful, so I can't wait tohear from you.
I wish you all a great week asyou learn to foster a better
relationship with the mostimportant person in your life
yourself.
I'm going to be taking a breakfor the next couple of weeks, so
(17:51):
I'm going to see you here inthe new year, where I'll be
starting the year off focusingon addictions.
Take care for now year whereI'll be starting the year off
focusing on addictions.
Take care for now.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
(18:12):
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week withanother edition of the
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast.
Today we're diving into a topicthat hits home for so many of
us being alone versus beinglonely.
These two things often getmixed up, but they're actually
really different experiences.
You can be alone and feeltotally at peace, or you can be
surrounded by people and feellonelier than ever.
In this episode, we'll talkabout what it really means to be
(00:26):
alone and why it's not always abad thing, and how loneliness
can sneak up on us even in thebusiest of lives, whether you're
navigating solo time, dealingwith disconnection in
relationships or just trying tounderstand your own feelings.
We're breaking it all down.
So have a seat and let's figureout how to embrace being alone
without feeling lonely.
(00:47):
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
(01:08):
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent, dr
Angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go.
Hello to all my wonderfulpodcast listeners and welcome to
the 20th episode of theCodependent Doctor.
I'm your host, dr Angela Downey, a family doctor and fellow
codependent.
(01:29):
Today's episode will focus onbeing alone versus being lonely.
I just want to take a minute tothank all of you who tune in
every week.
It really means so much to me.
We're officially halfwaythrough our December journaling
challenge and I hope that you'restarting to feel a little more
clarity on what you want tofocus on in the new year.
The goal here isn't aboutfixing yourself, because, let's
(01:50):
be real, there's nothing wrongwith you.
It's all about figuring outwhat changes could help you feel
more aligned with your trueself.
I'm so honored to be part ofthis journey with you.
Growth is a process, and takingeven small steps towards
understanding yourself better issomething to celebrate.
If you have any questions aboutthe challenge or if you've got
any ideas for topics that you'dlike to see in future episodes,
(02:11):
please don't hesitate to reachout, and I'd love to hear from
you.
So what does it mean to bealone versus being lonely?
I spend a lot of time alone andI really value my quiet time.
I work on my podcasts alone.
I go to the spa alone.
I'm okay going to movies oreating restaurants alone if I
need to, but I never feel lonely.
(02:32):
Some people might use the termbeing alone and being lonely
interchangeably, but there'sactually a huge difference
between them.
Being alone is simply aboutbeing physically by yourself.
It doesn't automatically meanthat there's something bad or
that you're lonely.
In fact, alone time can be oneof the most underrated gifts
that we give ourselves.
It's a chance to pause, breatheand take a break from that
(02:54):
constant buzz of life around us.
Alone time can be refreshing,especially if you've had a
hectic day or a week filled withlots of responsibilities,
conversations and noise.
It's that moment where youdon't have to think about anyone
else's needs or expectations.
You can just focus on you.
(03:16):
For some people, being alone islike plugging your phone in at
the end of the day.
It recharges your energy andhelps you show up better for
others later on.
Introverts are often thought ofas the ultimate champions of
alone time.
They generally feel moreenergized and comfortable in a
quieter, low-key setting.
Being around lots of people orbeing in highly stimulating
environments can often drainthem, even if they're having a
good time.
But it's not just about resting.
(03:37):
It can also be empowering.
When you're alone, you get toreconnect with yourself.
You can reflect on yourthoughts, feelings and goals
without any distractions aroundyou.
It's where a lot of creativityand clarity comes from.
Those aha moments often comewhen your mind is calm and
you're free to wander.
Being alone doesn't have to besome grand soul-searching
(03:57):
experience.
It's often found in the littleeveryday moments that bring you
peace Enjoying a quiet night,when you're curled up on the
couch binge-watching yourfavorite show, or lost in a book
that you've been wanting toread.
No interruptions, no agenda,just pure me time.
Taking a walk in nature canwork wonders the fresh air, the
(04:17):
sound of the trees, the absenceof small talk.
It's like hitting a mentalreset button.
Journaling or meditating,sitting with your thoughts,
whether you're writing them downor letting them pass, your
meditation can help you check inwith yourself.
It's a way to process youremotions, set intentions or just
clear your mind.
The beauty of being alone isthat it lets you prioritize your
(04:38):
needs without guilt or pressure.
It's not about avoiding people.
It's about creating space toexplore your thoughts, relax and
rediscover what makes you tick.
It's where you get to askyourself what do I need right
now, and actually give yourselfthe time to answer that question
.
Loneliness, on the other hand,is an emotional state, and it's
(04:59):
all about feeling disconnected.
You can be in a crowded roomfull of people laughing and
chatting, yet still feel a deepsense of loneliness.
Because loneliness isn't aboutbeing alone.
It's about feeling unseen,unheard or unsupported.
It's that hollow ache thatcreeps in when you're longing
for connection, but you can'tseem to find it.
It doesn't matter if you'resurrounded by family, friends or
(05:22):
coworkers.
If those relationships lackdepth or meaning, loneliness can
still take hold.
And sometimes it's not evenabout other people.
You can feel lonely when you'restruggling to connect with
yourself too.
Loneliness feels so heavybecause humans are wired for
connection.
It's not just something that wewant, it's something that we
need.
(05:42):
Our brains and bodies are builtto thrive in the presence of
meaningful relationships.
We crave bonds where we'retruly seen, valued and
understood.
When those connections aremissing, it's more than just
disappointing.
It can feel deeply isolating,almost like something is out of
balance in your life.
This instinct for connectiongoes way back For prehistoric
(06:03):
humans.
Social support wasn't just anice bonus, it was a survival
strategy.
Living in groups was essentialfor hunting, gathering, raising
children and staying safe frompredators.
A lone human in the wild had aslim chance of surviving.
So being part of a connectedgroup became a matter of life
and death.
That's why our need forbelonging is so deeply ingrained
(06:24):
.
Even today, our nervous systemresponds to loneliness as if
we're in danger.
It releases stress hormones andsignaling that something is
wrong.
What makes loneliness tricky isthat it doesn't depend on your
circumstances.
You can feel lonely even whenyou're surrounded by people or
everything in your life seems tobe going well on the outside.
For example, you might be at aparty full of laughter and music
(06:47):
, but feel disconnected andyou're not emotionally in sync
with the people around you.
You could be in a long-termrelationship, but feel lonely if
there's a lack of meaningfulcommunication or emotional
connection.
Even during joyful occasionslike holidays or weddings, you
might feel a pang of lonelinessif you're missing someone or you
don't feel truly included.
That's because loneliness isn'tabout physical presence.
(07:09):
It's about emotional connection.
You can feel surrounded, yetunseen, or busy, but unfulfilled
, and here's the part that weoften overlook.
Loneliness isn't always aboutother people.
Sometimes it's about losingtouch with yourself.
Life can get so busy meetingdeadlines, caring for others or
maintaining appearances that youforget to check in with what
(07:31):
you need when you're constantlygiving and not pausing to
recharge, you can start to feeldisconnected from your own
thoughts and feelings anddesires.
It's like you're running onautopilot, and that sense of
disconnection can be just asisolating as feeling lonely in a
crowd.
The instinct for connectionthat kept our ancestors going is
still alive and ticking in allof us today.
(07:51):
That deep primal instinct toconnect hasn't gone anywhere,
even though the world around ushas completely transformed.
Fast forward to today, and theway that we connect has changed
drastically.
We've got technology, socialmedia and a million ways to stay
in touch without actually beingin touch.
But here's what's tricky Whileour methods of communication
(08:13):
have evolved, the kinds ofconnections that fulfill us
hasn't?
We still crave relationshipswhere we feel seen, valued and
supported, whether that's withfriends, family, a partner or
even ourselves.
And let's not even get startedon how harsh people can be on
social media, especially whenanonymity is involved.
We're often looking for support, connection or validation, but
(08:36):
instead we find ourselves wadingthrough a mess of negativity
and toxic comments just to getto something meaningful.
It can be exhausting and reallydisheartening.
In today's fast-paced world,those meaningful connections can
feel harder to come by.
We're constantly multitasking,glued to our screens or chasing
external goals like careersuccess or personal milestones.
(08:58):
We're busy doing things all thetime, but how often do we stop
to be with the people who matterthe most, or with ourselves?
And that's where lonelinesssneaks in.
It's not a sign that you'reweak or doing something wrong.
It's simply a signal from ourbody and mind saying hey, you
need connection.
You're wired for this.
It's a reminder to hit pauseand slow down and refocus on
(09:21):
what really matters.
Meaningful connection doesn'tjust mean spending time with
others.
It also includes connectingwith yourself.
How can you truly show up forthe people in your life if
you're running on empty orignoring your own needs?
Taking time to nurture yourrelationship with yourself is
just as important as spendingtime with loved ones.
Loneliness can show up in somany ways and often sneaks up
(09:44):
when you least expect it.
Holidays are supposed to be aseason of joy, connection and
warmth.
Right, but let's be real.
Sometimes they're anything butSure.
You might be surrounded byfamily, with food on the table,
holiday music in the backgroundand everyone smiling for the
annual group photo, but inside,something might feel off.
Maybe it's because you'remissing someone who used to be
(10:06):
there, a loved one who's passedaway, or a friend who's drifted
apart, or even a relationshipthat ended.
All those absences feelamplified during the holidays.
The empty seat at the table,the traditions that feel
different without them, thememories of the past holidays
that seem so much brighter incomparison it all adds up to a
deep sense of longing.
(10:26):
Or maybe you're therephysically, but the emotional
connection is lacking.
The conversations feel shallow,like no one's really seeing you
.
You're laughing at jokes,passing around the mashed
potatoes, posing for photos, butunderneath it all there's this
strange emptiness.
It's like you're going throughthe motions, playing the role of
holiday participant, but yourheart isn't in it.
(10:47):
And then there's another layerof holiday loneliness that
doesn't always get talked about.
What happens when you're noteven in the room with family or
friends?
For some people, lonelinessduring the holidays comes from
losing those connectionsentirely.
Maybe you've moved far away orhad a falling out, or maybe your
loved ones simply are no longeraround.
The holidays can be brutal whenyou don't have anyone to spend
(11:12):
with them.
All the images of cozy familydinners and festive gatherings
can feel like a reminder ofwhat's missing, making that
sense of isolation even heavier.
You can even feel lonely whenyou're in a long-term
relationship.
Imagine you're sitting rightnext to someone that you care
about your partner, a friend ora family member but it feels
like there's this invisible wallbetween you.
They're physically there,sharing the same space, but
(11:34):
emotionally it's like they'remiles away.
You're talking, but it's allsurface level stuff like what's
for dinner or what time do thekids need to be picked up, or
random small talk.
There's no depth, no realconnection and, honestly, that
kind of loneliness can feel evenworse than being completely
alone.
When you're physically withsomeone but feel emotionally
(11:56):
disconnected, it creates thishollow space where connections
should be.
It's like looking at a photo ofa meal when you're starving
it's there but it's notnourishing you.
You're in the same room, butthere's no sense of closeness or
being truly seen.
This can happen in long-termrelationships and marriages.
You might share a life, a homeor even kids, but if you're not
(12:17):
regularly checking in with eachother emotionally, that
invisible wall can start to feellike a permanent fixture.
It's not that the love isn'tthere, it's that life gets busy,
routines take over and, beforeyou know it, your relationship
feels more like a partnership tokeep things running than a deep
emotional connection Betweenwork, chores, errands and all
(12:37):
the day-to-day chaos, it's easyto lose track of meaningful
conversations.
You're talking logistics, notfeelings.
Little things left unsaid canbuild up over time.
Even if you're not activelyarguing, unresolved feelings can
create emotional distance.
Loneliness hits hard,especially during the holidays
or when you're in situationswhere connection feels out of
(12:58):
reach, whether you're spendingthe season alone, feeling
disconnected in your marriage,missing people that have drifted
away, or just getting caught upin the comparison trap of
social media.
The good news you can workthrough it.
You don't need to stay lonelyif you don't want to.
I'm going to give you someideas to help you navigate the
tough moments and start buildinga stronger sense of connection,
(13:20):
both with others and withyourself.
So what to do if you're aloneduring the holidays?
Being alone during a timethat's all about togetherness
can be tough, but it doesn'thave to be miserable.
Try creating your owntraditions.
Who says that you can'tcelebrate solo?
Make your favorite meal, watcha holiday movie marathon or
treat yourself to somethingspecial.
Reach out to someone.
(13:41):
Loneliness loves to convince usthat no one cares, but the
chances are that someone in yourcircle does Send a text or give
them a call.
You can likely find someone atthe other end of the line.
Try giving back.
Volunteering can be a powerfulway to feel connected Helping
others, whether it's at ashelter, food bank or just
checking in on a neighbor.
(14:02):
It can create a sense ofpurpose and community.
What if you're feeling lonely inyour marriage?
Loneliness in a relationshipcan feel especially isolating
because your partner is rightthere, but the emotional
connection just isn't.
Try starting the conversation.
It's scary, but talking aboutit is the first step.
Maybe let your partner know howyou're feeling without any kind
(14:22):
of blame.
For example, I miss the waythat we used to connect.
Can we find some time just tobe together and focus on small
moments?
Reconnection doesn't have tomean a huge date night.
Start with little things likeeating dinner together without
phones, or try taking a walk andactually talking.
Don't wait for them to start.
Sometimes taking the first step, like giving a compliment or
(14:43):
showing affection, can set thetone for rebuilding that bond.
What if you've lost connectionwith people you love?
Relationships change andsometimes we drift away from
people who were once close to us.
It happens, but it doesn't haveto stay that way.
Maybe try being the one toreach out.
Send a simple message like hey,I've been thinking about you.
How are you doing?
It might feel awkward, but itcould open a door to
(15:06):
reconnecting.
Acknowledge the distance.
If someone is really important,it's okay to say I feel like we
haven't talked much lately.
I'd like to catch up.
Honesty can go a long way withthis.
Be open to new connections.
Sometimes we lose people and wedon't get them back.
It's hard, but it also createsspace to meet new friends and
deepen other relationships.
(15:26):
What if social media is bringingyou down?
Social media has a way ofmaking us feel like everyone
else has a perfect life, and itcan really mess with your head.
Take a break, log off for a day, a week or however long you
need.
You'll be amazed how muchbetter you feel when you're not
constantly comparing yourself tohighlight reels.
Curate your feed, unfollow ormute accounts that make you feel
(15:47):
bad about yourself.
Follow people or pages thatinspire you, make you laugh or
feel uplifting.
Focus on reality.
Remember that people who seemhappiest online are likely
dealing with their own strugglestoo.
Social media isn't the wholestory.
It's just the filtered version.
Try reconnecting with yourself.
Sometimes, loneliness is aboutmore than other people.
(16:08):
It's about losing touch withyourself.
Spend time doing what you love,whether it's journaling,
painting, working out or reading.
Rediscovering your passions canhelp you feel whole again.
Check in with your feelings,ask yourself what do I need
right now and give yourselfpermission to honor that need.
Practice gratitude.
Loneliness can make us focus onwhat's missing, but taking time
(16:30):
to appreciate the good in yourlife can shift your mindset.
Loneliness is tough, but it'snot permanent.
Whether it's finding ways toconnect with others, rebuilding
relationships or connecting withyourself.
There are some steps that youcan take to feel more connected.
Try reaching out to someone youtrust, make time for deeper
conversations or even just tryspending the afternoon doing
(16:51):
something that reconnects youwith you, because, at the end of
the day, what really fulfillsus isn't the number of things
that we've achieved or how manypeople we know.
It's the depth and the qualityof the relationships that we
build, both with others andwithin ourselves.
Start small and be kind toyourself, and remember that
you're never truly alone infeeling this way.
(17:11):
Before I wrap up the episode, Ijust want to let you know that
I'm working on a smallmini-series for the new year
focusing on addictions.
It's covering topics likeaddictions to food, drugs,
alcohol and exploring thevarious programs available to
help, and I'd love your input.
If there's something specificthat you'd like to hear about or
questions you'd like to haveanswered, maybe personal stories
(17:31):
that you'd like to share,please feel free to email me at
codependentdoctor at gmailcom.
Your insight and experience canmake the series even more
impactful, so I can't wait tohear from you.
I wish you all a great week asyou learn to foster a better
relationship with the mostimportant person in your life
yourself.
I'm going to be taking a breakfor the next couple of weeks, so
(17:51):
I'm going to see you here inthe new year, where I'll be
starting the year off focusingon addictions.
Take care for now year whereI'll be starting the year off
focusing on addictions.
Take care for now.
Thank you for joining me and Ihope today's podcast resonated
with you.
Click, like and subscribe soyou don't miss any future
episodes and to help others whomight benefit.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
(18:12):
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week withanother edition of the
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
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