December 6, 2024 • 29 mins
Unlock the secret to a fulfilling relationship by understanding the profound impact of love languages. Join me as I guide you through the transformative power of recognizing and communicating love languages, based on Dr. Gary Chapman's groundbreaking work. Many of us struggle with feelings of being unloved due to mismatched expressions of affection, but it doesn't have to be this way. By tuning into this episode, you'll learn how to bridge these gaps and strengthen your connections, moving beyond the romantic notion that partners should instinctively know each other's needs. This episode promises not just insights, but practical steps to ensure your love is both understood and reciprocated, fostering truly fulfilling relationships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Codependent Doctor.
Today we're diving intosomething that could totally
transform our relationships lovelanguages.
You've probably heard aboutthem, but do you really know
what they are and how they work?
In this episode, we're going tobreak down the five love
languages, why they matter andhow figuring out yours and your
(00:20):
partner's can make you feel moreconnected than ever.
Whenever you're in arelationship, navigating
friendships or just want tounderstand yourself a little
better, this one's for you.
So grab your coffee or tea, getcomfy and let's talk about the
unique ways that we all give andreceive love.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
(00:41):
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent Dr,
(01:03):
angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go, codependent.
Today's episode is going tofocus on love languages.
If you have a moment, it wouldbe helpful if you could like and
(01:26):
subscribe to the podcast, ormaybe leave a comment so it
would be easier for others whomight benefit to find me.
I'm always scrolling throughsocial media groups looking for
codependency topics to dive intoand I keep seeing the same
kinds of questions pop up.
They sound something like thismy partner doesn't buy me gifts
for my birthday or Christmas.
Does that mean that they don'tlove me?
(01:47):
My partner should have knownthat I needed help with fill in
the blank.
Why didn't they do anything?
Does that mean that they don'tcare?
These kinds of questionshighlight a really common
struggle the disconnect betweenhow we give and receive love.
A lot of frustration and hurtin relationships comes from the
assumption that the way that wefeel loved is the same way that
(02:10):
our partner should show it, or,worse, that they should just
instinctively know what we needwithout us saying anything.
The truth is, we all feel andshow love differently.
Maybe your partner's way ofshowing love is through
practical support, like fixingthings around the house or
making sure that the bills arepaid on time, but what makes you
feel loved is hearing affirmingwords or getting thoughtful
(02:31):
surprises.
When those two styles don'tmatch up and when there's no
communication about it, it'seasy to feel unloved or
unappreciated, even when love ispresent.
Take my own experience as anexample.
Even when love is present, takemy own experience as an example
.
I had a partner who gave megifts constantly.
Like within the first threemonths of our relationship I
must have received about $1,000worth of stuff.
(02:52):
For some people that mightsound amazing, right, but for me
it wasn't a good fit.
I don't love getting giftsbecause it makes me feel like
the other person is somehowtrying to buy my loyalty, and
then I feel this uncomfortablesense of obligation, like I owe
them something in return.
It's just not the way that Ifeel loved.
But here's the thing that wastheir way of expressing love.
(03:15):
For them, gifts were probably agenuine way of showing care and
affection.
They weren't trying to make mefeel obligated.
That's just how theycommunicated love.
And that's the point.
What feels good and meaningfulto one person might not land the
same way for another.
So it's important to recognizethat just because someone loves
you differently than you'dprefer doesn't mean that they
(03:36):
don't love you.
And, equally, just becauseyou're showing love in your own
way doesn't mean that it's beingreceived the way that you hope.
The key is to figure out howyou and your partner each
communicate love and then talkabout it openly.
The term love language comesfrom Dr Gary Chapman, a
counselor and author, whointroduced it in his book the
Five Love Languages the Secretto Love that Lasts.
(03:58):
The concept is rooted in hisexperience counseling couples
and observing recurring patternsin how people express and
interpret love.
He noticed that manyrelationship conflicts stemmed
from how partners wereexpressing love in ways that
weren't understood orappreciated by the other partner
.
For example, one partner mightexpress love by doing chores,
while the other crave verbalaffirmations or quality time,
(04:20):
and this disconnect would leadto feelings of being unloved or
unappreciated, even though bothpartners were actively trying to
show love.
The term love languageresonated because it frames love
as a form of communication.
Just as we might speakdifferent verbal languages, we
often have different emotionallanguages as well.
The key is to understand andspeak the love language of the
(04:43):
other person that we care about,whether it's romantic partner,
family member or friend.
Love language is a brilliantconcept that everyone has their
own unique way of giving andreceiving.
Think of it like thisUnderstanding your love language
is like creating a personalizeduser manual for how you like to
be loved.
When you figure it out andshare it with your partner.
It's like handing them theultimate cheat code to make you
(05:05):
feel valued, appreciated andtruly cared for.
Imagine how much easier thingswould be if both of you had that
kind of clarity.
It's so common to fall into thetrap of thinking, if they really
loved me, they'd just know whatI need.
It feels romantic, right, butthe idea that someone who loves
you should instinctivelyunderstand exactly how to make
(05:26):
you feel valued and cared for.
It's not reality.
Even the most attentive, lovingpartner can't read your mind.
Think about it.
How often do you really knowwhat someone else needs without
them telling you?
Sure, you might guess sometimes, but everyone is so different
in how they feel and how theyshow love.
Expecting someone to just knowis setting them up to fail, even
(05:48):
if their intentions are good.
Communicating your needs doesn'tmean they love you any less or
that their relationship islacking in some way.
It's actually the opposite.
It's a way of strengtheningyour connection.
When you openly share whatmakes you feel loved, you're
giving your partner the toolsthat they need to succeed.
You're saying, hey, this iswhat makes me feel appreciated
(06:09):
and cared for.
I wanted to let you in on that.
You're handing them a roadmapto your heart and, honestly,
that's a gift.
It makes things clearer forthem, which means that they
don't have to guess or worry ifthey're getting it wrong.
And when they act on whatyou've shared, it feels so much
better because you know thatthey're doing it with your
specific needs in mind.
(06:29):
But a lot of us don't even knowwhat we need to feel loved.
And that's not because there'ssomething wrong with us.
It's because life happens.
Maybe you've never stopped tothink about it because you've
been too busy keeping everythingelse together, or maybe you've
been so focused on taking careof other people's needs your
kids, your partners, yourfriends that your own needs got
lost in the shuffle.
(06:50):
If you've spent most of yourlife prioritizing others, it can
be tough to recognize what youneed, let alone ask for it.
And that's where thefrustration starts.
You might find yourselfthinking why doesn't my partner
know what I need?
But here's the truth If youdon't know it yourself, how can
you expect them to figure it out?
Exploring love languages willgive you a framework to start
(07:12):
unraveling that mystery.
Taking time to identify yourlove language isn't just helpful
, it's really empowering.
It's like finally being able tosay this is what makes me feel
loved.
This is what fills my emotionaltank.
This is what makes me feelloved.
This is what fills my emotionaltank, whether it's words of
affirmation, acts of service,quality time, physical touch or
receiving gifts.
Understanding what resonateswith you is the first step to
(07:35):
building a stronger, morefulfilling relationship.
Communicating this to yourpartner isn't selfish.
It's not about demanding thatthey do things your way.
It's about giving them thetools to love you in a way that
truly connects.
At the same time, learning yourpartner's love language can be
an eye-opening experience aswell.
Maybe they've been showing youlove all along in ways that you
(07:56):
didn't even notice, because it'snot your language.
So if you never thought aboutyour love language, now is a
great time to start.
Ask yourself what makes me feelmost appreciated and what
lights me up.
What do I wish that my partnerwould do?
Often, or maybe less often.
Once you have those answers,you can begin teaching your
partner what you need.
It's not about mind reading orguesswork.
(08:17):
It's about having open, honestconversations and working
together to make love feelfulfilling for both of you.
Dr Gary Chapman came up with theconcept of five different love
languages, which are basicallyfive unique ways that people
give and receive love.
Most people can resonate withat least a few of them.
It's not like you have to fitneatly into just one category.
(08:38):
Some love languages might feelmore important to you than
others, and that's totallynormal.
For example, maybe you reallyvalue quality time and words of
affirmation, but gifts don't domuch for you.
Or maybe you feel loved whenyour partner does practical
things to help you out, likeacts of service, but you also
appreciate physical touch forthat emotional connection.
(08:58):
It's not about limiting yourselfto one love language.
It's about figuring out whattruly makes you feel cared for
and prioritizing those.
As we're going to explore thedifferent love languages, try to
think about all five lovelanguages and rank them in order
of importance for you.
Ask yourself what makes me feelmost loved and appreciated?
What leaves me feelingdisconnected?
(09:19):
Prioritizing them can help youget a clear picture of your
emotional needs.
You can also make this into afun activity to do with your
partner.
So start by ranking the lovelanguages for yourself and then
try to guess how your partnermight rank theirs.
Once you've both done this, youcan share your results.
No-transcript.
(09:43):
Dr Chapman's five love languagesare as follows, first one being
words of affirmation.
So these are verbal expressionslike compliments, encouragement
or a simple I love you.
Two acts of service, doinghelpful things like running
errands or cooking dinner toshow love through actions.
Three receiving gifts,thoughtful tokens of love big
(10:05):
small that show someone isthinking about you.
Four quality time, undividedattention and meaningful moments
together Physical touch, hugs,hand holding and affectionate
physical connection.
Let's dive a little deeper intoeach of these.
Words of Affirmation is one ofthe five love languages and it's
all about expressing love,appreciation and encouragement
(10:26):
through words.
For people who of the five lovelanguages, and it's all about
expressing love, appreciationand encouragement through words.
For people who resonate withthis love language, what you say
and how you say it mattersdeeply.
Verbal and written affirmationsact as fuel for their emotional
tank and it reinforces theirsense of worth and connection in
the relationship.
It can take many forms, from asimple compliment to a heartfelt
(10:47):
message.
It might be saying you lookincredible today or I'm so
grateful for everything that youdo for us.
These words can also show up inunexpected ways, like leaving a
sticky note on the bathroommirror that says you've got this
, or sending a sweet text in themiddle of the day just to let
someone know that you'rethinking about them.
The key is that these words aremeaningful and intentional.
(11:09):
It's not about repeatinggeneric phrases like you're
great without sincerity.
It's about tailoring youraffirmations to what truly
matters to the other person.
Highlighting specific qualitiesor actions, like saying I
really admire how you work forour family, can make those words
even more impactful.
If words of affirmation are yourlove language, verbal
(11:29):
expressions of love carrysignificant emotional weight.
A genuine compliment orencouraging statement can
brighten your day and make youfeel truly valued.
On the flip side, negative orcareless words like criticism,
sarcasm or a lack ofacknowledgement can feel
disproportionately hurtful.
This is because, for peoplewith this love language, words
(11:51):
are more than just communication.
They're a form of emotionalconnection.
So hearing I appreciate you orI love you isn't just nice.
It's necessary for feelingsecure and cherished.
It's how they know that they'reloved.
However, it's not just aboutbig declarations.
Everyday affirmations likesaying thank you for small acts
or acknowledging their effortscan go a long way in making
(12:13):
someone feel seen andappreciated.
When you use words to expresslove, it creates a ripple effect
.
It reinforces your partner'ssense of worth, deepens your
emotional connection and buildstrust.
And for those who value thislove language.
Words aren't just nice to hear.
They're how they know thatthey're loved.
So if your partner's lovelanguage is words of affirmation
(12:34):
, don't underestimate the powerof a kind word, maybe a
thoughtful compliment or asimple I appreciate you.
Those words can transform theirday and your relationship.
Acts of service is all aboutexpressing love through actions
rather than words.
For people who resonate withthis love language, nothing says
I care about you, like takinginitiative to help out or
(12:55):
lighten the load.
It's about showing your lovethrough practical, thoughtful
gestures that make life a littleeasier or more enjoyable for
the other person.
Acts of service can take manyforms, but at its core, the love
language is about stepping upand helping in tangible ways.
It could be something as simpleas cooking dinner when your
partner has had a long dayfolding the laundry without
(13:15):
being asked or running errandsto save them some time.
These acts don't have to begrand or expensive.
It's not about over-the-topgestures.
What matters most is that theaction is thoughtful and comes
from a place of love.
For example, if your partneralways stresses about making the
morning coffee, you could takeover the task as a way of
showing them that you care.
Or if they're swamped at work.
(13:37):
Offering to handle groceryshopping or pick up the kids can
mean the world to them.
The key here is to be proactive.
Someone whose love language isacts of service doesn't
necessarily want to ask for helpall the time.
They feel most love when theirpartner notices that something
needs to be done or that theytake action on their own.
It's important to note that theeffort behind the action
(13:58):
matters more than the perfection.
If you burn the toast or miss aspot while cleaning, the
intention was still there and itcounts.
What's most meaningful is thethought and care that you've put
into making their life easier.
Imagine this your partner knowsthat you've had a hectic day,
so they surprise you by doingsomething practical, like
tidying up the house or packingyour lunch for the next day, or
(14:18):
maybe filling up your car withgas.
These aren't flashy or romanticgestures, but for someone who
values acts of service, they'redeeply meaningful.
Other everyday examples caninclude taking out the trash
before it piles up, walking thedog so your partner can sleep in
, or maybe fixing somethingaround the house without being
asked.
Acts of service demonstratelove through effort, care and
(14:39):
reliability.
For someone whose love languageis this, these gestures build
trust and emotional securitybecause they show that their
partner is willing to step inand support them.
If your partner values acts ofservice, remember that it's not
about doing everything perfectlyor taking on huge tasks.
It's about showing up andnoticing what they need and
taking action with love.
Sometimes the simplest gesturecan speak the loudest.
(15:04):
Receiving gifts is another lovelanguage, and it's often
misunderstood.
Receiving gifts is another lovelanguage and it's often
misunderstood.
At first glance it might seemthat it's materialistic, but in
reality it's not about the costor the size of the gift.
It's about the thought and theeffort that was put behind it.
For someone with this lovelanguage, a gift is a tangible
symbol of love, care andthoughtfulness.
It's a physical reminder thatsays I was thinking about you.
(15:26):
Receiving gifts, as a lovelanguage, can show up in many
ways.
It might be a thoughtfulbirthday present, a surprise
bouquet of flowers or evensomething as simple as grabbing
their favorite snack from thegas station.
The value isn't in the itemitself, but it's in the thought
that went into it.
For example, a person with thislove language might light up
when they receive something thatshows that you've been paying
attention to what they love orwhat they need.
(15:47):
Maybe it's a book that theymentioned in passing or a
memento from a trip thatreminded you of them.
These gifts don't have to beexpensive or extravagant.
They just need to reflect thatyou were thinking about them and
wanted to make them feelspecial.
The timing of the gift alsomatters.
A spontaneous gift, sometimesgiven just because, can often
mean more than a gift that wasgiven out of obligation, like a
(16:10):
holiday or a birthday gift.
The element of surprise makesit even more meaningful because
it's unexpected and feelsuniquely personal.
For someone whose primary lovelanguage is receiving gifts,
these tokens of love can carrydeep emotional well-being.
A well-chosen gift communicatesthat they're paying attention
to their preferences, interestsand needs.
It's not just about the item.
(16:31):
It's about the story behind it.
Other examples include buyingtheir favorite flowers without a
special occasion, surprisingthem with a small item related
to their hobby, wrapping up athoughtful note or picture that
holds sentimental value.
These gestures might seem small, but for someone with this love
language, they have a bigimpact.
Ultimately, it's not about howmuch you give.
(16:52):
It's about how much thoughtthat you put into it.
Quality time is another of thefive languages, and it's all
about connection through focused, intentional time together.
For someone with this lovelanguage, being present is
everything.
It's not just about being inthe same room or doing the same
activity.
It's about feeling like youhave their full attention, like
(17:13):
they're truly with you.
Quality time doesn't requiregrand gestures or expensive
outings.
It's about creating moments ofmeaningful connection.
It's all about eliminatingdistractions and making your
partner feel like you're theirpriority.
It can look as simple asturning off the TV or putting
the phone on silent and having areal conversation.
It might mean going for a walk,cooking dinner together or even
(17:35):
just sitting on the couchcatching up on each other's day.
The key is presence, bothphysical and emotional.
If your attention is divided,the time that you spend together
won't feel fulfilling.
To someone who values qualitytime, for example, sitting
together while one person isscrolling through their phone
doesn't count.
It's their undivided attentionthat matters.
Activities like sharing a hobby, having a deep talk or even
(17:59):
running errands together canbecome meaningful moments if
you're fully engaged.
Quality time is also aboutcreating shared experiences,
whether it's as a planned dateor a spontaneous adventure.
It's the togetherness thatmakes the difference.
Even something as routine aseating dinner together can be
special if you're focused onconnecting during that time.
If quality time is your lovelanguage, time together equals
(18:21):
love.
When someone prioritizesspending intentional time with
you, it makes you feel valuedand cared for and important.
On the flip side, distractions,interruptions or neglecting to
spend time together can feelreally hurtful.
It might leave you feeling likeyou're not a priority, like
rejection or disinterest, evenif your partner doesn't mean for
it to come across that way.
(18:42):
Quality time also buildsemotional intimacy.
Spending time together allowsyou to bond, share thoughts and
feel closer to each other.
It strengthens your connectionby creating memories and moments
of understanding, which are thefoundation of a healthy
relationship.
And quality time doesn't have toinvolve grand plans.
It's often the small everydaymoments that matter the most.
(19:03):
After a long day, you sit onthe couch together and talk
about what happened at work.
Your partner will listen, askquestions and share their day
too.
Or you go for a walk or havedinner just the two of you
enjoying each other's companywithout any distractions.
Maybe you cook breakfasttogether on a Saturday morning,
chatting and laughing as youflip pancakes.
By prioritizing quality time,you're saying that you matter to
(19:26):
me and I want to spend thistime with you If your partner's
love language is quality time.
Remember that it's not aboutwhat you're doing, but how
you're doing it.
Being present, engaged andfocused makes all the difference
, whether it's a 10-minuteconversation or an entire
evening planned together.
The time that you give is theultimate expression of love.
This is my primary lovelanguage, and I can tell you
(19:49):
that I would rather go shoppingwith my partner than receiving a
gift from them.
This is just one example of howdifferent people's love
languages can really vary.
Physical touch is the last lovelanguage that we're going to be
talking about, and for peoplewho resonate with this one,
physical closeness and affectionare essential to feeling loved
and connected.
This love language goes beyondromantic intimacy, although that
(20:12):
can be a big part of it as well, but it includes any kind of
non-verbal affection thatfosters emotional connection.
For someone whose love languageis physical touch, these
gestures are less about the actitself and more about the
emotional warmth and care thatthey represent.
Physical touch can take manyforms, from a warm hug to a
simple pat on the back.
(20:32):
It could be holding hands whilewatching a movie, cuddling on
the couch, or a quick kissbefore heading out the door.
Even small gestures like asqueeze of the hand, a playful
nudge or sitting close to eachother can make someone with this
love language feel secure andvalued.
Physical touch doesn't have tobe extravagant or overly
demonstrative to have an impact.
In fact, it's often the little,everyday gestures that carry
(20:54):
the most weight.
Something as simple as a handon your shoulder while passing
by, or resting your hand ontheir knee while sitting
together can speak volumes, andit's these small, consistent
acts of affection that buildconnection and trust over time.
For people with this lovelanguage, physical affection is
like emotional oxygen.
It reassures them, calms themand makes them feel deeply
(21:16):
connected to the person thatthey love.
Without physical touch, theymight start to feel distant or
unloved, even if their partneris showing love in other ways.
For them, a lack of touch canfeel like a lack of care or
attention.
This isn't about being clingyor needy.
It's simply how they're wiredto feel connection.
It can show up in small,ordinary ways that can have a
(21:36):
big impact, like you come homefrom a stressful day and your
partner greets you with aspontaneous hug that instantly
makes you feel better.
Or while walking through thepark, they reach and hold your
hand, creating a sense ofcloseness without saying a word,
or if you're sitting togetheron the couch and they rest their
hand on your shoulder or theyplayfully nudge you while you're
laughing at something funny.
(21:57):
Each of these gesturesreinforce the bond between you
and helps maintain emotionalintimacy.
When your partner doesn't speakyour love language, it can feel
really frustrating and even alittle lonely.
It's like you're both trying toconnect, but you're speaking
two completely differentemotional languages.
You're putting in effort, andso are they, but somehow it's
just not landing the way thateither of you had hoped.
(22:18):
For example, let's say thatyour love language is quality
time, but somehow it's just notlanding the way that either of
you had hoped.
For example, let's say thatyour love language is quality
time, but your partner is allabout acts of service.
They might think that they'reshowing you tons of love by
fixing things around the house,cooking meals or running errands
.
Meanwhile you're sitting therelike okay, that's nice, but I
really want you to sit down andspend some time with me.
Or maybe your love language iswords of affirmation and their
(22:38):
go-to is physical touch.
They hug you, cuddle you andhold your hand, but you're
craving heartfelt words like I'mso proud of you or I love the
way that you handled thatsituation, and when you don't
hear those words, it's easy tofeel like they're not showing up
for you emotionally, eventhough they think that they're
being super loving.
This disconnect can lead tomisunderstandings.
(22:58):
One person might feelunappreciated or unloved, even
though the other person isgenuinely trying their best and,
honestly, that's tough.
It can leave both of youfeeling like you're spinning
your wheels.
Take some time to figure outwhat your love language is.
It's a game changer forunderstanding how you feel loved
.
Once you've got a handle on it,share it with your partner.
Let them know hey, this is whatreally makes me feel
(23:21):
appreciated and cared for.
It's such an important stepbecause, let's be honest,
nobody's a mind reader.
Once that's done, flip thescript and have your partner do
the same.
Ask them what makes them feelloved.
Maybe it's words of affirmation, quality time or something else
.
Understanding their lovelanguage gives you both a clear
(23:41):
picture of what's meaningful toeach other, and it helps you
avoid those frustrating.
Why don't they get me moments?
Once you know your partner'slove language, the next step is
putting it into action.
Start looking for ways to filltheir love tank, even if their
love language doesn't comenaturally to you.
For example, if your lovelanguage is physical touch but
theirs is acts of service, youmight need to step out of your
comfort zone a little bit andfocus on doing things that help
(24:04):
them out, like folding thelaundry or running errands.
It might not be your defaultway of showing them love, but
making that effort means a lotto your partner.
And don't stress about beingperfect at it.
It's not about becoming anexpert in their love language
overnight.
It's about showing that you'rewilling to try.
The effort alone sends apowerful message.
I care enough about you to stepoutside my habits and do what
(24:27):
makes you feel loved.
That's huge in any relationship.
This works both ways too.
When your partner knows yourlove language, they can start
making small changes to meetyour needs as well.
Maybe they're naturally someonewho expresses love through
gifts, but you're all aboutquality time.
They might start carving outmore moments to sit and talk
with you or plan dates where thetwo of you can just focus on
(24:48):
each other.
The more you practice speakingeach other's love language, the
more natural it's going to startto feel.
Over time, it becomes less ofan effort and more of a habit,
plus the more that you see yourpartner making an effort, the
more appreciated and connectedyou're going to feel, and that
positive energy just keepsbuilding.
So what happens when yourpartner doesn't care about your
(25:09):
love language?
Honestly, that's a tough pillto swallow.
Love languages are all aboutconnection, effort and mutual
respect.
If your partner isn't willingto learn what makes you feel
loved or, worse, they dismiss itcompletely, that's the sign of
a deeper issue in therelationship.
Here's the thing Relationshipswill thrive when both people are
(25:32):
invested in making each otherfeel valued and cared for.
If you've communicated yourlove language and expressed why
it matters and your partnerstill doesn't put in the effort,
it might leave you feelingunseen or unimportant, and you
deserve better than that.
Now I'm not saying that this isthe end of the road.
Sometimes people resist lovelanguages because they don't
understand them or they thinkthat they're unnecessary.
It might take a little patienceand conversation to explain
(25:54):
that it's not about changing whothey are.
It's about finding ways toconnect more deeply.
But if they're flat outunwilling to try, that's
something that you're going toneed to reflect on.
Love languages aren't just acute idea.
They're a tool for buildingstronger, healthier
relationships.
If your partner isn'tinterested in using that tool,
you need to ask yourself arethey showing up for you in other
(26:17):
ways?
Are they invested in therelationship overall?
And, most importantly, are youfeeling fulfilled for you in
other ways?
Are they invested in therelationship overall and, most
importantly, are you feelingfulfilled, loved and supported?
At the end of the day,relationships are about give and
take.
If one person is doing all thegiving while the other isn't
willing to meet them halfway,it's going to feel one-sided and
that's not sustainable.
Knowing your love language isimportant, and so is having a
(26:37):
partner who respects and valuesit.
You can't force someone to care, but you can decide what kind
of effort and connection thatyou need in a relationship,
because you deserve to feelloved in a way that speaks to
your heart, whether it's throughreceiving gifts, words of
affirmation, acts of service,physical touch or quality time,
and I hope that you're able tofind that connection within your
(26:58):
relationship time.
And I hope that you're able tofind that connection within your
relationship.
I'm working on a smallmini-series for the new year
focused on addictions, coveringtopics like addictions to food,
drugs, alcohol and exploring thevarious programs that are
available to help.
I'd love your input If there'ssomething specific you'd like to
hear about, questions you'dlike answered or personal
stories that you'd like to share.
(27:19):
Please feel free to email me atcodependentdoctor at gmailcom.
Your insights and experiencescan make this series even more
impactful.
I can't wait to hear from you,and with that I'm going to wrap
up the episode.
Thanks for tuning in andremember that your love language
matters, and so do you.
I'm going to meet you here nextweek when we talk about being
alone versus being lonely.
(27:40):
Take care for now.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
(28:03):
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week withanother edition of the
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
Hey everyone, welcome back to the Codependent Doctor.
Today we're diving intosomething that could totally
transform our relationships lovelanguages.
You've probably heard aboutthem, but do you really know
what they are and how they work?
In this episode, we're going tobreak down the five love
languages, why they matter andhow figuring out yours and your
(00:20):
partner's can make you feel moreconnected than ever.
Whenever you're in arelationship, navigating
friendships or just want tounderstand yourself a little
better, this one's for you.
So grab your coffee or tea, getcomfy and let's talk about the
unique ways that we all give andreceive love.
Welcome to the CodependentDoctor, a weekly podcast
(00:41):
focusing on all thingscodependency.
Are you struggling to loveyourself, feeling burnt out or
having trouble forming lovingand meaningful relationships?
I can help you heal from thepast and move forward with
healthier selves, healthierrelationships and healthier,
more fulfilling lives.
Join me as we reclaim yourauthentic self.
I'm your host, a family doctorand fellow codependent Dr,
(01:03):
angela Downey.
We can do this together.
Here we go, codependent.
Today's episode is going tofocus on love languages.
If you have a moment, it wouldbe helpful if you could like and
(01:26):
subscribe to the podcast, ormaybe leave a comment so it
would be easier for others whomight benefit to find me.
I'm always scrolling throughsocial media groups looking for
codependency topics to dive intoand I keep seeing the same
kinds of questions pop up.
They sound something like thismy partner doesn't buy me gifts
for my birthday or Christmas.
Does that mean that they don'tlove me?
(01:47):
My partner should have knownthat I needed help with fill in
the blank.
Why didn't they do anything?
Does that mean that they don'tcare?
These kinds of questionshighlight a really common
struggle the disconnect betweenhow we give and receive love.
A lot of frustration and hurtin relationships comes from the
assumption that the way that wefeel loved is the same way that
(02:10):
our partner should show it, or,worse, that they should just
instinctively know what we needwithout us saying anything.
The truth is, we all feel andshow love differently.
Maybe your partner's way ofshowing love is through
practical support, like fixingthings around the house or
making sure that the bills arepaid on time, but what makes you
feel loved is hearing affirmingwords or getting thoughtful
(02:31):
surprises.
When those two styles don'tmatch up and when there's no
communication about it, it'seasy to feel unloved or
unappreciated, even when love ispresent.
Take my own experience as anexample.
Even when love is present, takemy own experience as an example
.
I had a partner who gave megifts constantly.
Like within the first threemonths of our relationship I
must have received about $1,000worth of stuff.
(02:52):
For some people that mightsound amazing, right, but for me
it wasn't a good fit.
I don't love getting giftsbecause it makes me feel like
the other person is somehowtrying to buy my loyalty, and
then I feel this uncomfortablesense of obligation, like I owe
them something in return.
It's just not the way that Ifeel loved.
But here's the thing that wastheir way of expressing love.
(03:15):
For them, gifts were probably agenuine way of showing care and
affection.
They weren't trying to make mefeel obligated.
That's just how theycommunicated love.
And that's the point.
What feels good and meaningfulto one person might not land the
same way for another.
So it's important to recognizethat just because someone loves
you differently than you'dprefer doesn't mean that they
(03:36):
don't love you.
And, equally, just becauseyou're showing love in your own
way doesn't mean that it's beingreceived the way that you hope.
The key is to figure out howyou and your partner each
communicate love and then talkabout it openly.
The term love language comesfrom Dr Gary Chapman, a
counselor and author, whointroduced it in his book the
Five Love Languages the Secretto Love that Lasts.
(03:58):
The concept is rooted in hisexperience counseling couples
and observing recurring patternsin how people express and
interpret love.
He noticed that manyrelationship conflicts stemmed
from how partners wereexpressing love in ways that
weren't understood orappreciated by the other partner
.
For example, one partner mightexpress love by doing chores,
while the other crave verbalaffirmations or quality time,
(04:20):
and this disconnect would leadto feelings of being unloved or
unappreciated, even though bothpartners were actively trying to
show love.
The term love languageresonated because it frames love
as a form of communication.
Just as we might speakdifferent verbal languages, we
often have different emotionallanguages as well.
The key is to understand andspeak the love language of the
(04:43):
other person that we care about,whether it's romantic partner,
family member or friend.
Love language is a brilliantconcept that everyone has their
own unique way of giving andreceiving.
Think of it like thisUnderstanding your love language
is like creating a personalizeduser manual for how you like to
be loved.
When you figure it out andshare it with your partner.
It's like handing them theultimate cheat code to make you
(05:05):
feel valued, appreciated andtruly cared for.
Imagine how much easier thingswould be if both of you had that
kind of clarity.
It's so common to fall into thetrap of thinking, if they really
loved me, they'd just know whatI need.
It feels romantic, right, butthe idea that someone who loves
you should instinctivelyunderstand exactly how to make
(05:26):
you feel valued and cared for.
It's not reality.
Even the most attentive, lovingpartner can't read your mind.
Think about it.
How often do you really knowwhat someone else needs without
them telling you?
Sure, you might guess sometimes, but everyone is so different
in how they feel and how theyshow love.
Expecting someone to just knowis setting them up to fail, even
(05:48):
if their intentions are good.
Communicating your needs doesn'tmean they love you any less or
that their relationship islacking in some way.
It's actually the opposite.
It's a way of strengtheningyour connection.
When you openly share whatmakes you feel loved, you're
giving your partner the toolsthat they need to succeed.
You're saying, hey, this iswhat makes me feel appreciated
(06:09):
and cared for.
I wanted to let you in on that.
You're handing them a roadmapto your heart and, honestly,
that's a gift.
It makes things clearer forthem, which means that they
don't have to guess or worry ifthey're getting it wrong.
And when they act on whatyou've shared, it feels so much
better because you know thatthey're doing it with your
specific needs in mind.
(06:29):
But a lot of us don't even knowwhat we need to feel loved.
And that's not because there'ssomething wrong with us.
It's because life happens.
Maybe you've never stopped tothink about it because you've
been too busy keeping everythingelse together, or maybe you've
been so focused on taking careof other people's needs your
kids, your partners, yourfriends that your own needs got
lost in the shuffle.
(06:50):
If you've spent most of yourlife prioritizing others, it can
be tough to recognize what youneed, let alone ask for it.
And that's where thefrustration starts.
You might find yourselfthinking why doesn't my partner
know what I need?
But here's the truth If youdon't know it yourself, how can
you expect them to figure it out?
Exploring love languages willgive you a framework to start
(07:12):
unraveling that mystery.
Taking time to identify yourlove language isn't just helpful
, it's really empowering.
It's like finally being able tosay this is what makes me feel
loved.
This is what fills my emotionaltank.
This is what makes me feelloved.
This is what fills my emotionaltank, whether it's words of
affirmation, acts of service,quality time, physical touch or
receiving gifts.
Understanding what resonateswith you is the first step to
(07:35):
building a stronger, morefulfilling relationship.
Communicating this to yourpartner isn't selfish.
It's not about demanding thatthey do things your way.
It's about giving them thetools to love you in a way that
truly connects.
At the same time, learning yourpartner's love language can be
an eye-opening experience aswell.
Maybe they've been showing youlove all along in ways that you
(07:56):
didn't even notice, because it'snot your language.
So if you never thought aboutyour love language, now is a
great time to start.
Ask yourself what makes me feelmost appreciated and what
lights me up.
What do I wish that my partnerwould do?
Often, or maybe less often.
Once you have those answers,you can begin teaching your
partner what you need.
It's not about mind reading orguesswork.
(08:17):
It's about having open, honestconversations and working
together to make love feelfulfilling for both of you.
Dr Gary Chapman came up with theconcept of five different love
languages, which are basicallyfive unique ways that people
give and receive love.
Most people can resonate withat least a few of them.
It's not like you have to fitneatly into just one category.
(08:38):
Some love languages might feelmore important to you than
others, and that's totallynormal.
For example, maybe you reallyvalue quality time and words of
affirmation, but gifts don't domuch for you.
Or maybe you feel loved whenyour partner does practical
things to help you out, likeacts of service, but you also
appreciate physical touch forthat emotional connection.
(08:58):
It's not about limiting yourselfto one love language.
It's about figuring out whattruly makes you feel cared for
and prioritizing those.
As we're going to explore thedifferent love languages, try to
think about all five lovelanguages and rank them in order
of importance for you.
Ask yourself what makes me feelmost loved and appreciated?
What leaves me feelingdisconnected?
(09:19):
Prioritizing them can help youget a clear picture of your
emotional needs.
You can also make this into afun activity to do with your
partner.
So start by ranking the lovelanguages for yourself and then
try to guess how your partnermight rank theirs.
Once you've both done this, youcan share your results.
No-transcript.
(09:43):
Dr Chapman's five love languagesare as follows, first one being
words of affirmation.
So these are verbal expressionslike compliments, encouragement
or a simple I love you.
Two acts of service, doinghelpful things like running
errands or cooking dinner toshow love through actions.
Three receiving gifts,thoughtful tokens of love big
(10:05):
small that show someone isthinking about you.
Four quality time, undividedattention and meaningful moments
together Physical touch, hugs,hand holding and affectionate
physical connection.
Let's dive a little deeper intoeach of these.
Words of Affirmation is one ofthe five love languages and it's
all about expressing love,appreciation and encouragement
(10:26):
through words.
For people who of the five lovelanguages, and it's all about
expressing love, appreciationand encouragement through words.
For people who resonate withthis love language, what you say
and how you say it mattersdeeply.
Verbal and written affirmationsact as fuel for their emotional
tank and it reinforces theirsense of worth and connection in
the relationship.
It can take many forms, from asimple compliment to a heartfelt
(10:47):
message.
It might be saying you lookincredible today or I'm so
grateful for everything that youdo for us.
These words can also show up inunexpected ways, like leaving a
sticky note on the bathroommirror that says you've got this
, or sending a sweet text in themiddle of the day just to let
someone know that you'rethinking about them.
The key is that these words aremeaningful and intentional.
(11:09):
It's not about repeatinggeneric phrases like you're
great without sincerity.
It's about tailoring youraffirmations to what truly
matters to the other person.
Highlighting specific qualitiesor actions, like saying I
really admire how you work forour family, can make those words
even more impactful.
If words of affirmation are yourlove language, verbal
(11:29):
expressions of love carrysignificant emotional weight.
A genuine compliment orencouraging statement can
brighten your day and make youfeel truly valued.
On the flip side, negative orcareless words like criticism,
sarcasm or a lack ofacknowledgement can feel
disproportionately hurtful.
This is because, for peoplewith this love language, words
(11:51):
are more than just communication.
They're a form of emotionalconnection.
So hearing I appreciate you orI love you isn't just nice.
It's necessary for feelingsecure and cherished.
It's how they know that they'reloved.
However, it's not just aboutbig declarations.
Everyday affirmations likesaying thank you for small acts
or acknowledging their effortscan go a long way in making
(12:13):
someone feel seen andappreciated.
When you use words to expresslove, it creates a ripple effect
.
It reinforces your partner'ssense of worth, deepens your
emotional connection and buildstrust.
And for those who value thislove language.
Words aren't just nice to hear.
They're how they know thatthey're loved.
So if your partner's lovelanguage is words of affirmation
(12:34):
, don't underestimate the powerof a kind word, maybe a
thoughtful compliment or asimple I appreciate you.
Those words can transform theirday and your relationship.
Acts of service is all aboutexpressing love through actions
rather than words.
For people who resonate withthis love language, nothing says
I care about you, like takinginitiative to help out or
(12:55):
lighten the load.
It's about showing your lovethrough practical, thoughtful
gestures that make life a littleeasier or more enjoyable for
the other person.
Acts of service can take manyforms, but at its core, the love
language is about stepping upand helping in tangible ways.
It could be something as simpleas cooking dinner when your
partner has had a long dayfolding the laundry without
(13:15):
being asked or running errandsto save them some time.
These acts don't have to begrand or expensive.
It's not about over-the-topgestures.
What matters most is that theaction is thoughtful and comes
from a place of love.
For example, if your partneralways stresses about making the
morning coffee, you could takeover the task as a way of
showing them that you care.
Or if they're swamped at work.
(13:37):
Offering to handle groceryshopping or pick up the kids can
mean the world to them.
The key here is to be proactive.
Someone whose love language isacts of service doesn't
necessarily want to ask for helpall the time.
They feel most love when theirpartner notices that something
needs to be done or that theytake action on their own.
It's important to note that theeffort behind the action
(13:58):
matters more than the perfection.
If you burn the toast or miss aspot while cleaning, the
intention was still there and itcounts.
What's most meaningful is thethought and care that you've put
into making their life easier.
Imagine this your partner knowsthat you've had a hectic day,
so they surprise you by doingsomething practical, like
tidying up the house or packingyour lunch for the next day, or
(14:18):
maybe filling up your car withgas.
These aren't flashy or romanticgestures, but for someone who
values acts of service, they'redeeply meaningful.
Other everyday examples caninclude taking out the trash
before it piles up, walking thedog so your partner can sleep in
, or maybe fixing somethingaround the house without being
asked.
Acts of service demonstratelove through effort, care and
(14:39):
reliability.
For someone whose love languageis this, these gestures build
trust and emotional securitybecause they show that their
partner is willing to step inand support them.
If your partner values acts ofservice, remember that it's not
about doing everything perfectlyor taking on huge tasks.
It's about showing up andnoticing what they need and
taking action with love.
Sometimes the simplest gesturecan speak the loudest.
(15:04):
Receiving gifts is another lovelanguage, and it's often
misunderstood.
Receiving gifts is another lovelanguage and it's often
misunderstood.
At first glance it might seemthat it's materialistic, but in
reality it's not about the costor the size of the gift.
It's about the thought and theeffort that was put behind it.
For someone with this lovelanguage, a gift is a tangible
symbol of love, care andthoughtfulness.
It's a physical reminder thatsays I was thinking about you.
(15:26):
Receiving gifts, as a lovelanguage, can show up in many
ways.
It might be a thoughtfulbirthday present, a surprise
bouquet of flowers or evensomething as simple as grabbing
their favorite snack from thegas station.
The value isn't in the itemitself, but it's in the thought
that went into it.
For example, a person with thislove language might light up
when they receive something thatshows that you've been paying
attention to what they love orwhat they need.
(15:47):
Maybe it's a book that theymentioned in passing or a
memento from a trip thatreminded you of them.
These gifts don't have to beexpensive or extravagant.
They just need to reflect thatyou were thinking about them and
wanted to make them feelspecial.
The timing of the gift alsomatters.
A spontaneous gift, sometimesgiven just because, can often
mean more than a gift that wasgiven out of obligation, like a
(16:10):
holiday or a birthday gift.
The element of surprise makesit even more meaningful because
it's unexpected and feelsuniquely personal.
For someone whose primary lovelanguage is receiving gifts,
these tokens of love can carrydeep emotional well-being.
A well-chosen gift communicatesthat they're paying attention
to their preferences, interestsand needs.
It's not just about the item.
(16:31):
It's about the story behind it.
Other examples include buyingtheir favorite flowers without a
special occasion, surprisingthem with a small item related
to their hobby, wrapping up athoughtful note or picture that
holds sentimental value.
These gestures might seem small, but for someone with this love
language, they have a bigimpact.
Ultimately, it's not about howmuch you give.
(16:52):
It's about how much thoughtthat you put into it.
Quality time is another of thefive languages, and it's all
about connection through focused, intentional time together.
For someone with this lovelanguage, being present is
everything.
It's not just about being inthe same room or doing the same
activity.
It's about feeling like youhave their full attention, like
(17:13):
they're truly with you.
Quality time doesn't requiregrand gestures or expensive
outings.
It's about creating moments ofmeaningful connection.
It's all about eliminatingdistractions and making your
partner feel like you're theirpriority.
It can look as simple asturning off the TV or putting
the phone on silent and having areal conversation.
It might mean going for a walk,cooking dinner together or even
(17:35):
just sitting on the couchcatching up on each other's day.
The key is presence, bothphysical and emotional.
If your attention is divided,the time that you spend together
won't feel fulfilling.
To someone who values qualitytime, for example, sitting
together while one person isscrolling through their phone
doesn't count.
It's their undivided attentionthat matters.
Activities like sharing a hobby, having a deep talk or even
(17:59):
running errands together canbecome meaningful moments if
you're fully engaged.
Quality time is also aboutcreating shared experiences,
whether it's as a planned dateor a spontaneous adventure.
It's the togetherness thatmakes the difference.
Even something as routine aseating dinner together can be
special if you're focused onconnecting during that time.
If quality time is your lovelanguage, time together equals
(18:21):
love.
When someone prioritizesspending intentional time with
you, it makes you feel valuedand cared for and important.
On the flip side, distractions,interruptions or neglecting to
spend time together can feelreally hurtful.
It might leave you feeling likeyou're not a priority, like
rejection or disinterest, evenif your partner doesn't mean for
it to come across that way.
(18:42):
Quality time also buildsemotional intimacy.
Spending time together allowsyou to bond, share thoughts and
feel closer to each other.
It strengthens your connectionby creating memories and moments
of understanding, which are thefoundation of a healthy
relationship.
And quality time doesn't have toinvolve grand plans.
It's often the small everydaymoments that matter the most.
(19:03):
After a long day, you sit onthe couch together and talk
about what happened at work.
Your partner will listen, askquestions and share their day
too.
Or you go for a walk or havedinner just the two of you
enjoying each other's companywithout any distractions.
Maybe you cook breakfasttogether on a Saturday morning,
chatting and laughing as youflip pancakes.
By prioritizing quality time,you're saying that you matter to
(19:26):
me and I want to spend thistime with you If your partner's
love language is quality time.
Remember that it's not aboutwhat you're doing, but how
you're doing it.
Being present, engaged andfocused makes all the difference
, whether it's a 10-minuteconversation or an entire
evening planned together.
The time that you give is theultimate expression of love.
This is my primary lovelanguage, and I can tell you
(19:49):
that I would rather go shoppingwith my partner than receiving a
gift from them.
This is just one example of howdifferent people's love
languages can really vary.
Physical touch is the last lovelanguage that we're going to be
talking about, and for peoplewho resonate with this one,
physical closeness and affectionare essential to feeling loved
and connected.
This love language goes beyondromantic intimacy, although that
(20:12):
can be a big part of it as well, but it includes any kind of
non-verbal affection thatfosters emotional connection.
For someone whose love languageis physical touch, these
gestures are less about the actitself and more about the
emotional warmth and care thatthey represent.
Physical touch can take manyforms, from a warm hug to a
simple pat on the back.
(20:32):
It could be holding hands whilewatching a movie, cuddling on
the couch, or a quick kissbefore heading out the door.
Even small gestures like asqueeze of the hand, a playful
nudge or sitting close to eachother can make someone with this
love language feel secure andvalued.
Physical touch doesn't have tobe extravagant or overly
demonstrative to have an impact.
In fact, it's often the little,everyday gestures that carry
(20:54):
the most weight.
Something as simple as a handon your shoulder while passing
by, or resting your hand ontheir knee while sitting
together can speak volumes, andit's these small, consistent
acts of affection that buildconnection and trust over time.
For people with this lovelanguage, physical affection is
like emotional oxygen.
It reassures them, calms themand makes them feel deeply
(21:16):
connected to the person thatthey love.
Without physical touch, theymight start to feel distant or
unloved, even if their partneris showing love in other ways.
For them, a lack of touch canfeel like a lack of care or
attention.
This isn't about being clingyor needy.
It's simply how they're wiredto feel connection.
It can show up in small,ordinary ways that can have a
(21:36):
big impact, like you come homefrom a stressful day and your
partner greets you with aspontaneous hug that instantly
makes you feel better.
Or while walking through thepark, they reach and hold your
hand, creating a sense ofcloseness without saying a word,
or if you're sitting togetheron the couch and they rest their
hand on your shoulder or theyplayfully nudge you while you're
laughing at something funny.
(21:57):
Each of these gesturesreinforce the bond between you
and helps maintain emotionalintimacy.
When your partner doesn't speakyour love language, it can feel
really frustrating and even alittle lonely.
It's like you're both trying toconnect, but you're speaking
two completely differentemotional languages.
You're putting in effort, andso are they, but somehow it's
just not landing the way thateither of you had hoped.
(22:18):
For example, let's say thatyour love language is quality
time, but somehow it's just notlanding the way that either of
you had hoped.
For example, let's say thatyour love language is quality
time, but your partner is allabout acts of service.
They might think that they'reshowing you tons of love by
fixing things around the house,cooking meals or running errands
.
Meanwhile you're sitting therelike okay, that's nice, but I
really want you to sit down andspend some time with me.
Or maybe your love language iswords of affirmation and their
(22:38):
go-to is physical touch.
They hug you, cuddle you andhold your hand, but you're
craving heartfelt words like I'mso proud of you or I love the
way that you handled thatsituation, and when you don't
hear those words, it's easy tofeel like they're not showing up
for you emotionally, eventhough they think that they're
being super loving.
This disconnect can lead tomisunderstandings.
(22:58):
One person might feelunappreciated or unloved, even
though the other person isgenuinely trying their best and,
honestly, that's tough.
It can leave both of youfeeling like you're spinning
your wheels.
Take some time to figure outwhat your love language is.
It's a game changer forunderstanding how you feel loved
.
Once you've got a handle on it,share it with your partner.
Let them know hey, this is whatreally makes me feel
(23:21):
appreciated and cared for.
It's such an important stepbecause, let's be honest,
nobody's a mind reader.
Once that's done, flip thescript and have your partner do
the same.
Ask them what makes them feelloved.
Maybe it's words of affirmation, quality time or something else
.
Understanding their lovelanguage gives you both a clear
(23:41):
picture of what's meaningful toeach other, and it helps you
avoid those frustrating.
Why don't they get me moments?
Once you know your partner'slove language, the next step is
putting it into action.
Start looking for ways to filltheir love tank, even if their
love language doesn't comenaturally to you.
For example, if your lovelanguage is physical touch but
theirs is acts of service, youmight need to step out of your
comfort zone a little bit andfocus on doing things that help
(24:04):
them out, like folding thelaundry or running errands.
It might not be your defaultway of showing them love, but
making that effort means a lotto your partner.
And don't stress about beingperfect at it.
It's not about becoming anexpert in their love language
overnight.
It's about showing that you'rewilling to try.
The effort alone sends apowerful message.
I care enough about you to stepoutside my habits and do what
(24:27):
makes you feel loved.
That's huge in any relationship.
This works both ways too.
When your partner knows yourlove language, they can start
making small changes to meetyour needs as well.
Maybe they're naturally someonewho expresses love through
gifts, but you're all aboutquality time.
They might start carving outmore moments to sit and talk
with you or plan dates where thetwo of you can just focus on
(24:48):
each other.
The more you practice speakingeach other's love language, the
more natural it's going to startto feel.
Over time, it becomes less ofan effort and more of a habit,
plus the more that you see yourpartner making an effort, the
more appreciated and connectedyou're going to feel, and that
positive energy just keepsbuilding.
So what happens when yourpartner doesn't care about your
(25:09):
love language?
Honestly, that's a tough pillto swallow.
Love languages are all aboutconnection, effort and mutual
respect.
If your partner isn't willingto learn what makes you feel
loved or, worse, they dismiss itcompletely, that's the sign of
a deeper issue in therelationship.
Here's the thing Relationshipswill thrive when both people are
(25:32):
invested in making each otherfeel valued and cared for.
If you've communicated yourlove language and expressed why
it matters and your partnerstill doesn't put in the effort,
it might leave you feelingunseen or unimportant, and you
deserve better than that.
Now I'm not saying that this isthe end of the road.
Sometimes people resist lovelanguages because they don't
understand them or they thinkthat they're unnecessary.
It might take a little patienceand conversation to explain
(25:54):
that it's not about changing whothey are.
It's about finding ways toconnect more deeply.
But if they're flat outunwilling to try, that's
something that you're going toneed to reflect on.
Love languages aren't just acute idea.
They're a tool for buildingstronger, healthier
relationships.
If your partner isn'tinterested in using that tool,
you need to ask yourself arethey showing up for you in other
(26:17):
ways?
Are they invested in therelationship overall?
And, most importantly, are youfeeling fulfilled for you in
other ways?
Are they invested in therelationship overall and, most
importantly, are you feelingfulfilled, loved and supported?
At the end of the day,relationships are about give and
take.
If one person is doing all thegiving while the other isn't
willing to meet them halfway,it's going to feel one-sided and
that's not sustainable.
Knowing your love language isimportant, and so is having a
(26:37):
partner who respects and valuesit.
You can't force someone to care, but you can decide what kind
of effort and connection thatyou need in a relationship,
because you deserve to feelloved in a way that speaks to
your heart, whether it's throughreceiving gifts, words of
affirmation, acts of service,physical touch or quality time,
and I hope that you're able tofind that connection within your
(26:58):
relationship time.
And I hope that you're able tofind that connection within your
relationship.
I'm working on a smallmini-series for the new year
focused on addictions, coveringtopics like addictions to food,
drugs, alcohol and exploring thevarious programs that are
available to help.
I'd love your input If there'ssomething specific you'd like to
hear about, questions you'dlike answered or personal
stories that you'd like to share.
(27:19):
Please feel free to email me atcodependentdoctor at gmailcom.
Your insights and experiencescan make this series even more
impactful.
I can't wait to hear from you,and with that I'm going to wrap
up the episode.
Thanks for tuning in andremember that your love language
matters, and so do you.
I'm going to meet you here nextweek when we talk about being
alone versus being lonely.
(27:40):
Take care for now.
This podcast is not meant toprovide medical advice and
should not replace seeing yourdoctor for mental health
concerns.
If you're having a mentalhealth crisis, please present to
(28:03):
a hospital, call 911 or yourlocal crisis helpline.
I'll talk to you next week withanother edition of the
Codependent Doctor.
We can do this together.
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