September 24, 2025 • 13 mins
Episode 19 is the PREMIERE of Season 2!!!
If you had all the confidence, time, energy, and money in the world, what would you be doing? When I asked 110 people this question, most gave surprisingly safe answers. They'd tucked away their wildest dreams just like I once did.
Remember when you were a child and dreamed without limits? Watching Julia Roberts made me want to be an actor. Seeing Paula Abdul sing and dance on MTV sparked my desire to perform. Witnessing Oprah's transformative conversations lit something up in my soul. But fear led me to hide these dreams for years, until a health crisis forced me to confront what I truly wanted.
Through retraining my brain from fear loops to growth loops, I discovered what I call the "Dream Detective" method. This powerful exercise helps you map the gap between your current reality and your desires across four key areas: health, relationships, career/creative expression, and fun/adventure. That gap isn't failure—it's your personal roadmap showing exactly where courage belongs in your life.
The most transformative insight I've gained? Confidence doesn't come first, courage does. We don't wait to feel ready before taking action—the action itself creates the confidence. This is the essence of the Confidence Shortcut that I teach my clients and live my life by. Whether you're pursuing creative dreams, building relationships, or seeking adventure, the principles remain the same: get specific about what you want, identify the gaps, and take courageous action every day.
Ready to become a Dream Detective in your own life? Grab paper and a pen, follow along with the exercise in this episode, and start mapping your path to the life you truly desire. And if you're ready for more, my book "The Confidence Shortcut" launches this December—sign up below to be first in line.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Confidence Shortcut, the podcast
for ambitious creatives andentrepreneurs who are ready to
stop overthinking, take boldaction and finally step into the
life they've been dreamingabout.
I'm your host, nikki Sterner,mom, actor, comedian and
producer.
After years of playing smalland waiting to feel ready, I
went on a courage quest andfound a shortcut to confidence.
(00:21):
Each week I'll bring you realstories, simple steps and
conversations with experts inmindset courage and confidence,
plus heart-to-hearts with fellowcreatives who are turning their
dreams into reality.
It's time to get unstuck andstart showing up.
Let's dive in.
So recently, I asked 110 peopleone simple question If you had
(00:44):
all the confidence, time, energyand money in the world, what
would you be doing?
Most people didn't give me likea massive, fully lit up dream
answer.
They gave me safe answers, thesame kind of bare bones dreams
that I used to carry around,because I was too scared to
actually say them out loud forfear of being judged for these
wild, outlandish dreams, or Iwas asking too much of the world
(01:06):
, or who was I to share theseand claim these?
I was a nobody no followers,nothing.
I wasn't famous.
But most people, like I said,didn't give me these
well-thought-out dreams.
They gave me safe answers, andas a kid, though, if you think
back to when you were a kiddreams they gave me safe answers
(01:26):
.
And as a kid, though, if youthink back to when you were a
kid, we had huge dreams.
We allowed ourselves to dream.
So I remember in sixth grade, Iwatched Pretty Woman on screen,
and that's when I realized Iwanted to be an actor.
I was watching Julia Roberts,and then I listened to Paula
Abdul, and I watched her danceon MTV, and I was like, yes, I
want to sing and dance likePaula Abdul.
And then I got to see OprahWinfrey having conversations
(01:48):
that changed people's lives inthose deep, transformational
spaces.
I realized I wanted to do thattoo, but I had no idea how to
build those dreams into myreality.
Like they were over here and Iwas over here.
They were up here, I was downhere, and because they felt so
big and impossible, I was afraidof them.
(02:10):
So I tucked them away for avery long time.
I wandered around.
I took pre-med in college, thenI ended up with a business
degree.
I took one acting class incollege and got scared because I
was so nervous.
I didn't know that nervouscould also be excitement though.
So I was like I labeled myselfas like this isn't for me, this
(02:32):
is too scary, and so I tucked itaway.
I tucked it away until itshowed up again in my 30s, when
I was depressed and I actuallyhad a psychic party with my
friends, my neighborhood friends, and we each had time with the
psychic.
I think I asked her somethingand she said, oh, could have
(02:53):
been an actress.
And I was like, oh no, don'tbring that up again.
I pushed that away a long timeago.
I said no, I ran away from that.
I avoided it at all costs.
But that was a big wake up forme.
It was like I was looking foranswers outside of myself and
the universe brought it back tome.
So I started taking actingclasses and was very scared in
(03:14):
my acting classes, like mynerves, my heart was beating out
of my chest.
It was crazy.
I started taking acting classesin South Florida and then nine
months later we moved to Atlantaand I got myself an agent.
I'm with the Line Stars agencyin Atlanta here.
I've been with them for likenine, ten years now.
Love them.
I started auditioning, bookinga ton of commercials.
(03:35):
I've booked more than 30commercials.
I've been on national ones likeEdible Arrangements and Wayfair
.
I was on a Wayfair commercialthat aired four years in a row.
It was my really sweet dancemoves Really cool one.
I never really clarified what Iwanted to do with the acting and
so my dream was kind of murky.
It was like, yes, I want to bean actress, but like why and
doing what specifically, andwhat is the long-term vision of
(03:58):
this?
My new book, the ConfidenceShortcut, is almost here and I
want you to be among the firstto know when it goes on sale.
This isn't just a book, it'salso a journal and a calendar
that walks you through the exactprocess I used to go, from
over-preparing and stuck inperfection to finding my voice
and using it on stage, inrelationships and in business.
(04:19):
When you sign up, you'll getearly access, updates,
behind-the-scenes bonuses andfirst dibs when the book goes
live in December.
Don't wait.
Sign up at the link in the shownotes and be the first to know
when the confident shortcut isavailable.
Three years ago, I had a healthcrisis and I almost lost my
dreams entirely.
(04:40):
I had multiple chemicalsensitivity where I was getting
myself on sets and when I did Iwould get sick.
I would get a headache, I wouldget brain fog, so I couldn't
remember my lines.
Chronic fatigue, immune systemjust falling apart.
My brain was stuck in limbicsystem impairment and I didn't
know that there was a way toretrain your brain, and so that
(05:01):
is my.
One of my hugest aha moments inlife was knowing that I
actually get to create a loopthat my brain is in.
Instead of a fear loop, mybrain is now in a growth loop,
and I was able to create thatthrough consistent repetition
habits, daily habits of trainingmy brain.
Just like you brush your teethtwice a day, I train my brain
(05:22):
twice a day, in the morning andat night, to believe exactly
what I want and know is true.
In my life.
It changed right away.
It was almost instantaneously.
That moment of almost losing mydreams forced me to get curious
again, to become a dreamdetective in my own life.
That's where everything beganto change.
So today I want you to become adream detective too.
(05:46):
I want you to grab a piece ofpaper right now and draw a cross
through the middle.
So you've split the page intofour boxes.
I want you to label them likethis so top left is health, top
right is relationships, bottomleft is career and creative
expression, and bottom right isfun and adventure.
So again, top left health, topright relationships, bottom left
(06:09):
career, creative expression,and bottom right is fun and
adventure.
Now, in each box, write twothings.
I want you to probably pausethis podcast and write down what
do I have currently for myhealth and what do I desire for
my health.
To give you an idea, here aresome of the things that I had
(06:30):
written down, and now I've beenworking on my building my dream
for like three years almost now.
So I have a lot of dreams.
I've been putting the detailsin and that's what I'm asking
you to start doing.
So health, current reality.
I did this back in July when Istarted teaching the Confident
Shortcut.
So the current reality at thetime was that I was lifting
(06:52):
three to four times a week andgoing for walks, but I was also
staying up until 1 to 3 am.
So I never felt fully rested.
My voice was struggling fromoveruse, and what I wanted, my
desired reality, was I wanted tohave seven to eight hours of
solid sleep.
I just wanted to feel like Iwas getting sleep and to feel
strong and energized every day.
I wanted to train my voiceproperly with daily vocal
exercise.
(07:13):
The vocal cords are a muscle,so you train them.
I purchased a program where Icould do it in my car on the way
to the gym.
So it was like knocking twothings out at once.
I was habit stacking, I wasdriving to the gym to work out,
to continue with the strengthtraining, and I was doing the
exercises in the car which I wasgoing to be singing anyway.
So why not train in a way thatI wanted to do?
And then, moving intorelationships, my current
(07:34):
reality, my family is supportivebut I wasn't spending enough
intentional time with them andin my romantic life we were more
like roommates than partners,which frustrated my husband to
no end.
And the desired reality that Iwanted was that I wanted more
vulnerable conversations, Iwanted adventures with my family
and more play, more pleasure.
I wanted to allow pleasure inand I wanted more connection in
(07:56):
my marriage.
We've definitely opened.
I've opened up more.
My husband has been wantingmore connection.
I actually sang to him.
It's funny, the vocal stuff andthen the vulnerability, so it
all kind of merged into one acouple of weeks ago.
I've been working on singing aswell, and so I asked him to
come up into my studio and Iheld his hand as I was singing a
(08:18):
song and I broke down crying inthe middle of the song because
it was such a vulnerable momentwhere I felt so cracked wide
open.
And it actually healed mebecause the next day when I went
to sing another song, I had noissue.
It was like I had completelyhealed that part of my heart
which was wild.
(08:39):
I did not expect that.
Okay, career, creativeexpression.
So current reality.
I was on an improv and sketchteam giving tours on the funny
bus.
I still am doing both of thosethings, which I love.
I'm also writing my book andauditioning a lot too.
So, desired reality I want todeliver a TEDx talk.
I want to be on stage speaking.
I want to perform a one womanshow.
I want to create characters forstage and screen and lead
(09:02):
programs that help others stepinto courage.
My dream is to be morecomfortable on stage than off
stage.
So what have I been doing?
I've continued to perform theimprov and sketch team in the
funny bus.
I'm working on my book and Ijust performed at In my Shoes,
which is a storytelling eventwhere I got to write a TEDx type
(09:23):
of talk and perform it for thefirst time on stage, which was
very exciting.
I'm also signed up to attendthe TED Next event in Atlanta in
November, and so I'm puttingthings on the calendar that are
setting me up for success,because I know what I want to do
, I know my desire, and the lastcategory is fun and adventure.
So my current reality most ofmy fun was tied to my career
(09:45):
shows, rehearsals, performing,and not much outside of that.
My desired reality I want toexplore Georgia.
Georgia is so beautiful.
I see people posting picturesall the time of like.
I hiked to this waterfall, Iwent to a concert, I just tried
out this new restaurant.
I want to travel again.
I know that right now I'm likein this grind place, which I'm
(10:12):
loving.
I enjoy it so much.
The work of like creating it'slike.
I'm birthing the confidenceshortcut right now, which is
super exciting, and sharing itwith people in the program.
I've got 35 people in theprogram and it's absolutely
incredible and they're teachingme how to teach and it's been
transformational in my life.
So I know that this is just aseason I'm in right now and I'm
going to be on stage next year alot, and I know that being a
dream detective is writing itdown, and it's really important
(10:35):
to just be specific, like whatis it that you want to do and
where do you want to go and whodo you want to do it with?
Like, I want to be at the beach,I want to be near the ocean.
I crave the sense of adventureand freedom that I had a year
ago when I was on the couragequest, so I want more of that in
my life, and I know that that'swhat being a dream detective is
all about Looking at what youwant versus what you have and
noticing the gap.
(10:55):
The gap isn't failure, it's aroadmap.
It shows you exactly wherecourage belongs.
So I want you to reflect.
It's your turn.
Be honest about your currentreality in each of the four
boxes and then, after you'vewritten that down, where do you
want to let yourself dream intowhat you really desire, even if
(11:16):
it feels scary or too big.
Like, what do you actually wantto have in your life?
What would make you happy tohave in your life?
What would make you happy?
And then you'll probably wantto pause this and come back to
it after you've written thatdown and then reflect on which
of these four areas feels mostalive for me right now and what
do I truly desire there?
(11:37):
And that's where you want tofocus right now.
It might be one area, it mightbe two.
My book, the Confidence Shortcut, is almost here.
Want to be first in line whenit goes on sale in December?
Sign up at the link in the shownotes to get early access
bonuses and launch day alerts.
Don't wait.
Be the first to know Courage onpurpose every day.
(11:58):
Oprah says people get to wherethey want to go because they
know where they want to go, andthat's what we're doing.
Being a dream detective is howyou begin to know.
So if you want to be among thefirst to know when my book, the
Confidence Shortcut, comes outit'll be available this December
.
You can sign up at the link inmy show notes when this podcast
(12:19):
drops.
And remember, don't stay stuck.
Like.
Confidence doesn't come first,courage does.
So that's what we train in theconfidence shortcut Courage on
purpose every day.
Okay, I'll see you next week.
Thanks so much for listening tothe confidence shortcut.
I hope today's episode wokesomething up in you, reminding
(12:41):
you that your dream matters andyou can start now.
If this sparked something.
Share it with a friend whoneeds it too.
And don't forget to follow meon Instagram at Nikki Sterner
and join our Facebook communityat the Confidence Shortcut.
Ready to take the next step?
Check out my free guide, theConfidence Kickstart, linked in
the show notes.
Keep showing up, keep takingaction and remember the shortcut
(13:03):
to confidence is courage.
Welcome to the Confidence Shortcut, the podcast
for ambitious creatives andentrepreneurs who are ready to
stop overthinking, take boldaction and finally step into the
life they've been dreamingabout.
I'm your host, nikki Sterner,mom, actor, comedian and
producer.
After years of playing smalland waiting to feel ready, I
went on a courage quest andfound a shortcut to confidence.
(00:21):
Each week I'll bring you realstories, simple steps and
conversations with experts inmindset courage and confidence,
plus heart-to-hearts with fellowcreatives who are turning their
dreams into reality.
It's time to get unstuck andstart showing up.
Let's dive in.
So recently, I asked 110 peopleone simple question If you had
(00:44):
all the confidence, time, energyand money in the world, what
would you be doing?
Most people didn't give me likea massive, fully lit up dream
answer.
They gave me safe answers, thesame kind of bare bones dreams
that I used to carry around,because I was too scared to
actually say them out loud forfear of being judged for these
wild, outlandish dreams, or Iwas asking too much of the world
(01:06):
, or who was I to share theseand claim these?
I was a nobody no followers,nothing.
I wasn't famous.
But most people, like I said,didn't give me these
well-thought-out dreams.
They gave me safe answers, andas a kid, though, if you think
back to when you were a kiddreams they gave me safe answers
(01:26):
.
And as a kid, though, if youthink back to when you were a
kid, we had huge dreams.
We allowed ourselves to dream.
So I remember in sixth grade, Iwatched Pretty Woman on screen,
and that's when I realized Iwanted to be an actor.
I was watching Julia Roberts,and then I listened to Paula
Abdul, and I watched her danceon MTV, and I was like, yes, I
want to sing and dance likePaula Abdul.
And then I got to see OprahWinfrey having conversations
(01:48):
that changed people's lives inthose deep, transformational
spaces.
I realized I wanted to do thattoo, but I had no idea how to
build those dreams into myreality.
Like they were over here and Iwas over here.
They were up here, I was downhere, and because they felt so
big and impossible, I was afraidof them.
(02:10):
So I tucked them away for avery long time.
I wandered around.
I took pre-med in college, thenI ended up with a business
degree.
I took one acting class incollege and got scared because I
was so nervous.
I didn't know that nervouscould also be excitement though.
So I was like I labeled myselfas like this isn't for me, this
(02:32):
is too scary, and so I tucked itaway.
I tucked it away until itshowed up again in my 30s, when
I was depressed and I actuallyhad a psychic party with my
friends, my neighborhood friends, and we each had time with the
psychic.
I think I asked her somethingand she said, oh, could have
(02:53):
been an actress.
And I was like, oh no, don'tbring that up again.
I pushed that away a long timeago.
I said no, I ran away from that.
I avoided it at all costs.
But that was a big wake up forme.
It was like I was looking foranswers outside of myself and
the universe brought it back tome.
So I started taking actingclasses and was very scared in
(03:14):
my acting classes, like mynerves, my heart was beating out
of my chest.
It was crazy.
I started taking acting classesin South Florida and then nine
months later we moved to Atlantaand I got myself an agent.
I'm with the Line Stars agencyin Atlanta here.
I've been with them for likenine, ten years now.
Love them.
I started auditioning, bookinga ton of commercials.
(03:35):
I've booked more than 30commercials.
I've been on national ones likeEdible Arrangements and Wayfair
.
I was on a Wayfair commercialthat aired four years in a row.
It was my really sweet dancemoves Really cool one.
I never really clarified what Iwanted to do with the acting and
so my dream was kind of murky.
It was like, yes, I want to bean actress, but like why and
doing what specifically, andwhat is the long-term vision of
(03:58):
this?
My new book, the ConfidenceShortcut, is almost here and I
want you to be among the firstto know when it goes on sale.
This isn't just a book, it'salso a journal and a calendar
that walks you through the exactprocess I used to go, from
over-preparing and stuck inperfection to finding my voice
and using it on stage, inrelationships and in business.
(04:19):
When you sign up, you'll getearly access, updates,
behind-the-scenes bonuses andfirst dibs when the book goes
live in December.
Don't wait.
Sign up at the link in the shownotes and be the first to know
when the confident shortcut isavailable.
Three years ago, I had a healthcrisis and I almost lost my
dreams entirely.
(04:40):
I had multiple chemicalsensitivity where I was getting
myself on sets and when I did Iwould get sick.
I would get a headache, I wouldget brain fog, so I couldn't
remember my lines.
Chronic fatigue, immune systemjust falling apart.
My brain was stuck in limbicsystem impairment and I didn't
know that there was a way toretrain your brain, and so that
(05:01):
is my.
One of my hugest aha moments inlife was knowing that I
actually get to create a loopthat my brain is in.
Instead of a fear loop, mybrain is now in a growth loop,
and I was able to create thatthrough consistent repetition
habits, daily habits of trainingmy brain.
Just like you brush your teethtwice a day, I train my brain
(05:22):
twice a day, in the morning andat night, to believe exactly
what I want and know is true.
In my life.
It changed right away.
It was almost instantaneously.
That moment of almost losing mydreams forced me to get curious
again, to become a dreamdetective in my own life.
That's where everything beganto change.
So today I want you to become adream detective too.
(05:46):
I want you to grab a piece ofpaper right now and draw a cross
through the middle.
So you've split the page intofour boxes.
I want you to label them likethis so top left is health, top
right is relationships, bottomleft is career and creative
expression, and bottom right isfun and adventure.
So again, top left health, topright relationships, bottom left
(06:09):
career, creative expression,and bottom right is fun and
adventure.
Now, in each box, write twothings.
I want you to probably pausethis podcast and write down what
do I have currently for myhealth and what do I desire for
my health.
To give you an idea, here aresome of the things that I had
(06:30):
written down, and now I've beenworking on my building my dream
for like three years almost now.
So I have a lot of dreams.
I've been putting the detailsin and that's what I'm asking
you to start doing.
So health, current reality.
I did this back in July when Istarted teaching the Confident
Shortcut.
So the current reality at thetime was that I was lifting
(06:52):
three to four times a week andgoing for walks, but I was also
staying up until 1 to 3 am.
So I never felt fully rested.
My voice was struggling fromoveruse, and what I wanted, my
desired reality, was I wanted tohave seven to eight hours of
solid sleep.
I just wanted to feel like Iwas getting sleep and to feel
strong and energized every day.
I wanted to train my voiceproperly with daily vocal
exercise.
(07:13):
The vocal cords are a muscle,so you train them.
I purchased a program where Icould do it in my car on the way
to the gym.
So it was like knocking twothings out at once.
I was habit stacking, I wasdriving to the gym to work out,
to continue with the strengthtraining, and I was doing the
exercises in the car which I wasgoing to be singing anyway.
So why not train in a way thatI wanted to do?
And then, moving intorelationships, my current
(07:34):
reality, my family is supportivebut I wasn't spending enough
intentional time with them andin my romantic life we were more
like roommates than partners,which frustrated my husband to
no end.
And the desired reality that Iwanted was that I wanted more
vulnerable conversations, Iwanted adventures with my family
and more play, more pleasure.
I wanted to allow pleasure inand I wanted more connection in
(07:56):
my marriage.
We've definitely opened.
I've opened up more.
My husband has been wantingmore connection.
I actually sang to him.
It's funny, the vocal stuff andthen the vulnerability, so it
all kind of merged into one acouple of weeks ago.
I've been working on singing aswell, and so I asked him to
come up into my studio and Iheld his hand as I was singing a
(08:18):
song and I broke down crying inthe middle of the song because
it was such a vulnerable momentwhere I felt so cracked wide
open.
And it actually healed mebecause the next day when I went
to sing another song, I had noissue.
It was like I had completelyhealed that part of my heart
which was wild.
(08:39):
I did not expect that.
Okay, career, creativeexpression.
So current reality.
I was on an improv and sketchteam giving tours on the funny
bus.
I still am doing both of thosethings, which I love.
I'm also writing my book andauditioning a lot too.
So, desired reality I want todeliver a TEDx talk.
I want to be on stage speaking.
I want to perform a one womanshow.
I want to create characters forstage and screen and lead
(09:02):
programs that help others stepinto courage.
My dream is to be morecomfortable on stage than off
stage.
So what have I been doing?
I've continued to perform theimprov and sketch team in the
funny bus.
I'm working on my book and Ijust performed at In my Shoes,
which is a storytelling eventwhere I got to write a TEDx type
(09:23):
of talk and perform it for thefirst time on stage, which was
very exciting.
I'm also signed up to attendthe TED Next event in Atlanta in
November, and so I'm puttingthings on the calendar that are
setting me up for success,because I know what I want to do
, I know my desire, and the lastcategory is fun and adventure.
So my current reality most ofmy fun was tied to my career
(09:45):
shows, rehearsals, performing,and not much outside of that.
My desired reality I want toexplore Georgia.
Georgia is so beautiful.
I see people posting picturesall the time of like.
I hiked to this waterfall, Iwent to a concert, I just tried
out this new restaurant.
I want to travel again.
I know that right now I'm likein this grind place, which I'm
(10:12):
loving.
I enjoy it so much.
The work of like creating it'slike.
I'm birthing the confidenceshortcut right now, which is
super exciting, and sharing itwith people in the program.
I've got 35 people in theprogram and it's absolutely
incredible and they're teachingme how to teach and it's been
transformational in my life.
So I know that this is just aseason I'm in right now and I'm
going to be on stage next year alot, and I know that being a
dream detective is writing itdown, and it's really important
(10:35):
to just be specific, like whatis it that you want to do and
where do you want to go and whodo you want to do it with?
Like, I want to be at the beach,I want to be near the ocean.
I crave the sense of adventureand freedom that I had a year
ago when I was on the couragequest, so I want more of that in
my life, and I know that that'swhat being a dream detective is
all about Looking at what youwant versus what you have and
noticing the gap.
(10:55):
The gap isn't failure, it's aroadmap.
It shows you exactly wherecourage belongs.
So I want you to reflect.
It's your turn.
Be honest about your currentreality in each of the four
boxes and then, after you'vewritten that down, where do you
want to let yourself dream intowhat you really desire, even if
(11:16):
it feels scary or too big.
Like, what do you actually wantto have in your life?
What would make you happy tohave in your life?
What would make you happy?
And then you'll probably wantto pause this and come back to
it after you've written thatdown and then reflect on which
of these four areas feels mostalive for me right now and what
do I truly desire there?
(11:37):
And that's where you want tofocus right now.
It might be one area, it mightbe two.
My book, the Confidence Shortcut, is almost here.
Want to be first in line whenit goes on sale in December?
Sign up at the link in the shownotes to get early access
bonuses and launch day alerts.
Don't wait.
Be the first to know Courage onpurpose every day.
(11:58):
Oprah says people get to wherethey want to go because they
know where they want to go, andthat's what we're doing.
Being a dream detective is howyou begin to know.
So if you want to be among thefirst to know when my book, the
Confidence Shortcut, comes outit'll be available this December
.
You can sign up at the link inmy show notes when this podcast
(12:19):
drops.
And remember, don't stay stuck.
Like.
Confidence doesn't come first,courage does.
So that's what we train in theconfidence shortcut Courage on
purpose every day.
Okay, I'll see you next week.
Thanks so much for listening tothe confidence shortcut.
I hope today's episode wokesomething up in you, reminding
(12:41):
you that your dream matters andyou can start now.
If this sparked something.
Share it with a friend whoneeds it too.
And don't forget to follow meon Instagram at Nikki Sterner
and join our Facebook communityat the Confidence Shortcut.
Ready to take the next step?
Check out my free guide, theConfidence Kickstart, linked in
the show notes.
Keep showing up, keep takingaction and remember the shortcut
(13:03):
to confidence is courage.
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