Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Welcome to the
Confidence Shortcut, the podcast
for ambitious creatives andentrepreneurs who are ready to
stop overthinking, take boldaction, and finally step into
the life they've been dreamingabout.
I'm your host, Nikki Stirner,mom, actor, comedian, and
producer.
After years of playing small andwaiting to feel ready, I went on
a courage quest and found ashortcut to confidence.
(00:22):
Each week, I'll bring you realstories, simple steps, and
conversations with experts inmindset, courage, and
confidence.
Plus heart to hearts with fellowcreatives who are turning their
dreams into reality.
It's time to get unstuck andstart showing up.
Let's dive in.
When I started doing this work,this dream detective work, I
(00:43):
realized I had buried my dreamsso deep I barely remembered
them.
But they were still there,hiding in the people I admired,
in the things that scared me,and in the moments when I had
already been bold.
I just needed a way to pull theclues out.
That's when I started makingthese three lists.
(01:03):
And today I want to walk youthrough them so you can begin
uncovering your own three listsand your own dreams that are
hiding.
Okay.
So these are the three lists ofa dream detective.
I want you to actually grab apiece of paper right now or open
a note on your phone and writewith me as we go.
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So the first list is called thestar list.
And you're going to write downthe names of people you looked
up to when you were younger.
Who inspired you?
And then add who inspires younow?
Who inspires you right now?
People you admire or want tomodel your career after.
These people are all clues.
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They're showing you what'spossible for you too.
Maybe even people that you'rejealous of, because that is also
showing you an indicator of whatyou actually want, is what they
have.
So write them down too.
There's actually one person onInstagram that I started out
really enjoying.
And then all of a sudden I waslike, I can't watch, I can't
watch this person anymore.
(02:05):
It's just um it's triggering mefor some reason.
And so I stopped following them.
And that's okay.
You have permission to havethings in your feed that get you
excited, not things that makeyou second guess yourself or
trigger you.
You get to block them andunfollow.
You get to do that.
You have permission to do that.
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Okay.
The next list is the scaredlist.
Now, the scared list is allabout writing down things that
both excite you and scare you.
Because let's face it, fear anddesire are neighbors.
Often the very thing that scaresthe crap out of you is the exact
thing that your soul is craving.
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The thing that most excites you,like out of this world.
That thing also may scare you somuch that you have been avoiding
it for a very long time.
So you want to write that downon your scared list.
What's something that you'vesecretly wanted to do, but
you've said no to in the pastbecause of fear?
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You want to write that down.
The third list is called thesuccess list.
Now, this is your receipts,honey.
This is where you write down allthose moments in your past where
you felt proud of yourself.
You felt alive, you felt likeyou nailed something, you were
successful at it.
These are the times when youtook a risk, you spoke up, you
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tried something new, you didsomething out of the ordinary
and it lit you up.
Or you studied a skill or asport and you were really good
at it because you did it overand over again.
You had the repetition and thenyou had the success with it
because you know when you lookat these receipts that you've
done this before, you've pickedsomething and put time and
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energy into it, and you weregood at it.
So this is the success thatyou're looking to create in the
future as well.
And this is just proof, it'sevidence.
It's like when you start to getdown on yourself.
Like today, I wrote a song, partof a song for the first time,
and it probably wasn't verygood.
And so for me, it sucks.
Yeah, it stinks to not be goodat something.
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I hate the feeling.
But when we try something new,which we're going to be doing
when we have these big dreams,you have to put yourself in that
uncomfortable feeling.
You have to own the discomfort,you have to invite it in, invite
in the cringe, that feeling thatyou've been avoiding for so
long, because that is where thegrowth happens.
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That is where the magic happens.
It doesn't feel good at first,though.
It really kind of sucks.
But you just got to tellyourself like people that are
great at something didn't startout being great.
Like they worked at it, they putin the time and energy.
Okay.
So, yes, these success lists,the success list is really just
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your receipts.
It's evidence that you'vealready been courageous before
and you can do it again.
Psychologists have found thatwhen we write things down, we
actually activate the brain'sencoding process.
It helps us remember and makesour goals feel real.
Neuroscience shows that thissimple act of writing shifts
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dreams from being vague ideasinto tangible possibilities.
Have you given yourselfpermission to write this down?
That's why these lists are sopowerful.
You're literally teaching yourbrain to recognize your desires
as something you can movetoward, you can move forward
into.
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As Rumi said, what you seek isseeking you.
These lists aren't just aboutwhat you want.
They're about uncovering what'sbeen chasing you after all this
time.
I mean, if you're anything likeme, I have had the same stuff
come back over and over, timeand time again.
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You know, 20 years ago, 10 yearsago, 15 years ago, five years
ago, it just keeps repeatingitself until you face it and go
after it because it's yourdream.
It's never going away.
Like you might as well face itnow rather than suffer through
the avoiding.
Because when you avoid yourdreams, you avoid everything.
You avoid feeling your feelings,which makes you avoid
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vulnerability, which makes youavoid connection, which make
which makes you avoid buildingthe life that you want.
And there's no reason to avoidit.
If something has shown up inyour life three times, it's part
of the dream.
Like write it down in the listssomewhere.
Write it down so your brain cansay, oh, this is what we're
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doing.
It can recognize it.
Take the time to write it down.
It's not hard.
It's so simple.
It's so simple.
So stop finding it and startletting it light the way.
My new book, The ConfidenceShortcut, is almost here.
And I want you to be among thefirst to know when it goes on
sale.
This isn't just a book, it'salso a journal and a calendar
(07:02):
that walks you through the exactprocess I used to go from
over-preparing and stuck inperfection to finding my voice
and using it on stage inrelationships and in business.
When you sign up, you'll getearly access updates,
behind-the-scenes bonuses, andfirst divs when the book goes
live in December.
Don't wait.
Sign up at the link in the shownotes and be the first to know
(07:25):
when the confident shortcut isavailable.
So now I want you to reflect.
I want you to do a reflectionprompt.
Which of the three lists feltthe easiest for you today?
Which one felt the hardest?
Pay attention to that resistancebecause it may be pointing right
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to your biggest clue.
Because often the things that weresist the hardest are the
things that create the biggestbreakthroughs.
So if you're feeling a lot ofresistance, it's probably
something really important inyour life and on your path and
in your dream.
So write it down, even if youdon't want to, even if it feels
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icky right now, even if it feelsscary, even if you like want to
turn and run and hide, write itdown.
Allow your brain to startprocessing these dreams, these
goals.
Start recognizing, startattracting this stuff into your
life.
Because it won't just happen ifit's stuck in your head.
You have to write it down.
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So your challenge today is tocomplete all three lists.
It's not hard.
It's so simple.
You're gonna write down You'regonna write down the three S
lists again.
You have the star list.
Who did you look up to when youwere younger?
Write it down.
Who do you look up to now?
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Because these dreams can shift.
These dreams can shift from yearto year, from month to month.
You just let it shift and rollwith it.
But write it down because it'sin the writing down that you
start to recognize what it isthat you truly want and you
attract it.
The second S list is the scaredlist.
What are you afraid of?
What are you avoiding?
(09:12):
Because it's probably yourbiggest clue to what your dream
actually is.
What have you said no to in thepast?
Because of fear.
And then the third list again isthe success list.
Write down those moments in thepast where you have succeeded.
So when it gets hard, and itwill get hard because anytime
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we're doing something new, it'snot easy.
It's not easy to invite in thecringe.
It's not easy to do somethingnew.
It's uncomfortable.
And uncomfortable can be goodbecause it's all about what we
tell ourselves about it.
Like moving through themessiness of learning how to
write a song today and notgetting great feedback felt
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icky.
It felt discouraging.
But I told myself, this is whatI want to do.
So who cares if I'm not greatright now?
I just have to keep at it.
Like babies fall down how manytimes when they're learning how
to walk?
Do they stop?
No, of course not.
Like, why would you stop?
You won't.
You've got to keep doing this.
So have your success list so youknow, like, hey, I can be good
(10:18):
at anything I put my mind to.
I am a successful person.
Start to identify yourself assomeone who has success.
And then you'll start to proveit in your life.
Confidence doesn't come first.
Courage does.
That's why I wrote theconfidence shortcut.
This book walks you through theexact process I used to go from
over-preparing, stuck inperfection, and imposter
(10:39):
syndrome to finding my voice andactually using it on stage, in
my relationships, and inbusiness.
And it's not just a book, it'salso a journal and a calendar to
help you take bold action everysingle day.
Inside, you'll get my three-partsystem, path, mindset, action.
Plus space to track your habits,reflect, and build momentum that
(11:00):
lasts.
The links in the show notes.
Grab your copy today and startliving with courage on purpose
every day.
Okay.
So you're gonna write threenames for your star list.
Start with three.
You're gonna write three scarybut exciting ideas for your
scared list.
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So for me, it was like speakingon stage or singing in front of
people.
Like using my voice scared thecrap out of me.
I did not want to do it bymyself in front of people.
Absolutely not.
But what am I doing now?
Speaking.
That is my next thing.
That is what I am getting into.
I started speaking on stage withstand-up comedy a year ago and
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just kept, you know, takingclasses and getting up on stage
and building the repetition bybeing in the discomfort over and
over and over again.
And now I my goal now is to bemore comfortable on stage than
off stage.
And I really do.
I love being in front of people.
I thrive when I can have someonecatch my idea in the audience,
when I can have someone connectto what I'm saying and have it
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touch them.
Like that is the most amazing,incredible feeling when someone
comes up to you after you speakand they're like, oh my gosh,
what you said really resonatedwith me.
Or I really understood and feltexactly what you were saying.
Like that is the best feeling inthe world.
And everyone has a story.
Like, what is your story?
What's it gonna be?
Because you get to create it.
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You get to start now, today,with these three lists.
This is you.
This is you.
It's your day.
And then I want you to writethree proud moments for your
success list.
So you got three names for yourstar list, you got three scary
but exciting ideas for yourscared list.
Is it speaking on stage?
Is it starting a business?
Is it writing a song?
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Is it becoming a photographer?
Is it having conversations withpeople?
Is it asking someone out on adate?
Is it getting in a newrelationship?
Is it creating a profile in oneof those apps, the hinge or
wherever?
What is it that you are wantingright now in your life?
Because that you have to learnto trust your intuition and know
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that what's showing up for you,what's presenting itself is
meant for you.
And you get to own it.
You get to claim it.
And how do you do that?
You write it down.
You write it down.
That's it.
Don't overthink it.
Just write this is yourbreadcrumb trail back to your
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wildest yes life.
The life that you were put onthis earth for.
That society and people andplaces have told us to tone it
down and quiet down and don't betoo much.
Screw it.
We're done with that.
We don't buy into that here atthe confidence shortcut.
We want to be too much.
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We want to be all of ourself.
We want to show up fully everyday, move forward messy, invite
in the cringe, do the thingsthat come to you.
Don't tone it down, don't put onthe mask, don't put on the fake
smile.
None of it.
None of that works because it'snot authentic.
We want to learn to trustourselves again and identify as
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someone who moves forward messy.
Do it for yourself.
Because when you do, you giveyour soul the hope that it's
been wanting for so long.
You give yourself something thatno one else can give you.
And you have the power withinyourself to create the life that
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you want.
And I'm gonna keep sharing waysthat you can do this yourself.
You have so much power withinyou already.
It's just learning how to use itand how to tap into it.
I'm so excited that you're heretoday.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for tuning in live onTikTok.
And I do this every Tuesday.
(14:54):
Every Tuesday is when theepisodes drop.
And I'm working on being aspeaker.
And I just appreciate you beinghere catching what I'm saying.
It's like a song when someonesings, they want somebody to
catch it.
I want the message to land onwhoever needs it.
If it's one person, great.
If it's two people, amazing.
Whoever needs to hear it.
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In closing, I just want to saythe more clues that you gather,
the clearer your dream becomes.
So keep writing those cluesdown.
You don't need to see the wholepath yet.
You just need to start noticingwhat lights you up.
Tuning in to what do I like?
What do I love?
What makes me feel good?
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Because clarity is what buildsconfidence.
And every time you write, you'reone step closer to the life
that's been waiting for you toanswer the call.
So write it down and answer thecall.
Thanks so much for listening toThe Confidence Shortcut.
I hope today's episode wokesomething up in you, reminding
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you that your dream matters andyou can start now.
If this sparked something, shareit with a friend who needs it
too.
And don't forget to follow me onInstagram at Nikki Stirner and
join our Facebook community atThe Confidence Shortcut.
Ready to take the next step?
Check out my free guide, TheConfidence Kickstart, linked in
the show notes.
Keep showing up.
Keep taking action.
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And remember, the shortcut toconfidence is courage.