Why "Sorry" Feels Like Razor Blades

If you’re like me you’ve experienced being both wronged, hurt or betrayed, …and you’ve been wrong. Often times being wrong can be something as simple as running late, losing your temper or even not taking something as seriously as you needed to. Many times it can be something more. In those cases we often have awareness that we need to initiate repair, be the bigger person, apologise, move on. But. That five letter word that we know can do so much toward Connection - instead just seems to feel like swallowing razor blades.

Let's Cover WHY this happens, and also the Tools you need to Rewire to be able to know when and how to Connect and Repair, Safely.

How do you teach your Nervous System not to freak out and burn down the house (figuratively) when your logical MIND wants to begin seeing small moments of rupture as opportunities for Reconnection, but your BODY sees every transgression or mistake - that’s made by ourselves or others - as a signal to release all the exact same chemicals that a Tiger is chasing you?

1. We start to get familiar with our Patterns. You can being to start doing this by Journaling about the last mistake you may have made where you wished to repair and apologise, but find that you couldn’t. Ask yourself these questions:

• What does this moment remind me of?
• Does my body match this with an experience from my childhood?
• What had I learnt from this moment about repair that makes repair so difficult now as an adult?
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2. We start practicing Somatic exercises to find Safety within our body during stressful moments. This means Taming the "Nervous System Tiger".

3. Start Small. Find a moment where perhaps you may have been able to do better: maybe you were running late, perhaps were a little careless with a close connections feelings or circumstances, and choose - instead of brushing it off - to practice a small opportunity for repair. This can sound something like “Hey, Thanks so much for your patience, I really appreciate it. AND Sorry for not being here on time when we needed to be, I know it’s important to you. (Then use a bridging statement like) can I grab you a cuppa, I love you", or whatever feels reparative.

If apologies can often lead to more intensity and tension and an "opening of the floodgates" - ask these question during quiet moments:

• What am I not regularly sharing with my partner?
• How can I ask my partner what they need from me?
• How much time are we putting aside each week to invest in the emotional health of our relationship, if at all?

We all know how investing out time or finances in different opportunities can set ourselves or our businesses up for success.

How much time are you taking to invest in the health of your relationship, the same as you would in any other business or goal or plan? 

We hope you enjoyed this episode!

Come and connect with Lauren more over on Instagram at @Lauren_Dry

Do you have something you'd like us to cover on Marriage and Relationships for Modern, Driven Couples? Comment HERE or reach out over at instagram

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Lauren - The Connection Catalyst