July 7, 2025 • 25 mins
“What part of today’s episode hit home? Let me know.”
What happens when a man has no internal compass to guide his decisions? He lives in constant reaction mode—questioning everything, shape-shifting for approval, and slowly losing touch with himself. This essential episode tackles the transformative power of identifying your core values and using them to lead yourself with clarity and conviction.
Most of us were never taught how to define what matters most. We inherited values from our parents, society, and survival strategies without questioning whether they truly align with who we are. The result? That nagging sense of misalignment—the friction between how you live and who you want to be. But what if you could change that?
Through personal stories and practical guidance, we explore how defining your values creates immediate clarity in decision-making. No more agonizing over what others think or what seems safest. Instead, you develop an internal reference point that makes choices simpler, not easier. When you know what you stand for, you stop betraying yourself to avoid discomfort and start building genuine confidence—not from pretending you have all the answers, but from standing firm in who you are.
The episode culminates with a straightforward challenge: set aside 30 minutes this week to identify your top five values, define them in your own words, and take one small action to bring your life into alignment. This isn't about perfection; it's about direction. Because when you start living from your values, you experience less internal noise, less second-guessing, and more of that grounded, quiet pride that comes from leading yourself with integrity.
***
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Are you ready to break free from hesitation,
self-doubt and isolation?
Do you want to lead withconfidence, build powerful
connections and live boldly?
I'm Cory Baum and I'm here toshare the most impactful
strategies and mindsets thatI've learned through coaching,
leadership and real-worldexperience.
Together, we'll forgeunshakable confidence, master
social dynamics and create alife rooted in purpose,
(00:22):
brotherhood and bold action.
Inside, you'll get the toolsand insights to become the
strongest, most connectedversion of yourself.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to the Evolve Menpodcast.
I'm your host, corey Baum.
This is where we talk about thereal work of becoming the man
(00:44):
that you were made to be.
Let me ask you something upfront.
If I stopped you right now andasked what guides your life,
what really drives yourdecisions, your direction, your
sense of self, could you tell meand I don't mean what sounds
good, not what you hope it is,but the truth?
(01:05):
Most men can't, Not becausethey're lost or lazy, but
because nobody ever taught ushow to look that deep.
We've been handed roles, rules,expectations, but very few
tools to build a life that'sactually ours, and that's what
this episode is about.
(01:26):
Today, we're talking aboutvalues, not corporate buzzwords
or aspirational posters, but thereal, gritty stuff, the things
that matter when no one'swatching the inner compass that
either grounds your decisions orleaves you drifting.
We're going to explore whatvalues actually are and how to
(01:48):
uncover the ones that are yoursand what it looks like to live
in alignment with them.
Because when you do, everythingchanges your confidence, your
relationships and your peace.
This isn't about being perfectand your peace, this isn't about
(02:10):
being perfect.
It's about being honest andpowerful in who you are and how
you lead your life.
So let's get into it.
I didn't grow up thinking aboutvalues, right?
No one sat me down and askedhey, what do you stand for?
What are the principles thatguide your life?
That just wasn't a conversationthat we had, not in school, not
at home, not with friends.
(02:31):
The word integrity might havefloated around once in a while,
maybe in a classroom poster oran assembly, but I never really
understood what it meant interms of my actual life, and I
sure as hell didn't have a listof values that I was living by.
So when I first got introducedto this idea of actually
(02:55):
choosing your core values,defining them, letting them
shape how you lead your life, Iwas almost embarrassed.
How you lead your life, I wasalmost embarrassed by how
foreign it felt At the time.
I was surrounded by a group ofother men who were doing similar
work, and a lot of them cameback to the group with their
(03:20):
values nailed down within just afew days.
They'd say things like yeah,you know, I picked mine.
Courage and authenticity anddiscipline, blah, blah, blah.
It took about 10 minutes and Iremember sitting there thinking
what it wasn't that simple forme and it felt huge, like I was
(03:45):
standing at the edge ofsomething that I had never,
never realized.
Right.
I, I was missing and and now Ihad to build it from scratch.
I didn't want to just throwwords on a page and to keep up
with everyone else.
I wanted to actually mean it,because the more that I sat with
it, the more that I realized Ihad been making every decision
(04:08):
in my entire life, both big andsmall, without any framework at
all.
Every conversation, everychoice, every crossroads was a
blank slate that I had to figureout in real time.
That I had to figure out inreal time, and there was no
compass, no North Star, justsurvival, adaptation, trying to
(04:32):
guess what the right move wasbased on whatever felt least
painful or most acceptable inthe moment.
And that was exhausting, andit's a heavy way to live,
because when you don't havevalues to come back to, you
question everything right, yousecond guess yourself, you shape
(04:53):
, shift depending on who'swatching, you try to keep the
peace, to avoid conflict, to getit right, and in the process
you lose touch with who youactually are.
So, for me, discovering thisconcept wasn't just a self-help
exercise.
It was revolutionary.
It was the beginning ofself-leadership for me, and it
(05:17):
taught me something that I hadnever heard before that your
values aren't just about who youwant to be.
They're about how you come hometo yourself, how you decide
what matters when life gets loud, complicated or messy.
(05:38):
And from that day forward, Istarted asking an entirely
different question Not whatshould I do, but what would the
man who I want to be do?
And that really shifted thingsfor me.
So let's slow this down for aminute.
Why is this whole values thingso hard for some of us and why
(06:04):
does it matter so much?
Because most of us were nevershown how to live from the
inside outward.
We were trained to read theroom, to fit in, to do what made
sense right.
We were taught to follow therules to earn the approval,
(06:25):
avoid the consequences.
But no one ever pulled us asideand said hey, man, you don't
have to guess, you can decidefor yourself.
You can actually choose thekind of man that you want to be
and then build your life aroundthat.
And that idea blew my mind whenI first heard it, because
(06:48):
before that life felt like aconstant game of reaction and
negotiation.
What is it that will make herhappy right now?
What is it that will get meahead?
What's the least risky path?
How do I keep the peace?
And there's nothing wrong withbeing strategic or acceptable.
(07:13):
But when every decision in yourlife is made through the lens
of fear, avoidance orappeasement, you lose yourself.
You don't know where you endand the rest of the world begins
.
Most men that I talk to neverconsciously choose their values.
(07:33):
They inherited them from theirparents, from religion, from
school or coaches or culture,from the wounds that shaped them
and the survival strategiesthat protected them.
Sometimes those values are goodand sometimes they're garbage
(07:55):
right, but either way, they'rerarely questioned.
You just absorb them likeoxygen, right?
And eventually you confuse whatyou were taught to value with
what you actually value, andthat's where the friction starts
.
Maybe you value growth, but youwere taught that security is
(08:18):
everything.
Maybe you value honesty, butyou were trained to keep the
peace.
Maybe you value connectionright, but you were rewarded
when you were a kid for beingself-sufficient, right.
So now, when you try to livedifferently, when you speak up
or slow down or choose yourself,you feel this invisible
(08:43):
resistance, this guilt, thisanxiety, and that's not a
character flaw, that's the acheof misalignment.
And you don't fix it byperforming harder.
You fix it by asking a questionthat most men never stop to ask
(09:03):
what do I want to live by?
See, your values are not justabstract ideas.
They're the rules of the gamethat you're playing, not society
, not your parents, not yourboss or your partner, you.
They're your internal code, thelens that you use to make sense
(09:27):
of your life.
And when you define themclearly, when you know them, you
name them and you own them,everything gets simpler, not
easier, but clearer.
You stop spinning in indecision, you stop betraying yourself
just to avoid discomfort and youstop letting other people's
(09:51):
values override your own,because now you have a compass.
And here's what that looks likein real life.
Let's say you're offered a jobthat pays more, but something
feels off.
And instead of agonizing forweeks, you check in with your
(10:12):
values super quick.
Do I value freedom more thanstatus?
Do I value growth more thancomfort?
Do I value alignment more thanapproval?
And suddenly the answer isn'tin the numbers or the opinions.
You find that it's in yourself.
Or maybe you're in arelationship where you've been
(10:36):
holding your tongue for months.
Right, you feel the tensionbuilding.
You've rehearsed theconversation a dozen times, but
you keep swallowing the truth.
And then you remember I valuehonesty, I value self-respect, I
value intimacy, not just peace.
(10:59):
So you have the hardconversation, not because it's
easy, not because it'scomfortable, but because it's
aligned with the man who youwant to be, and that changes how
you feel about yourself.
It builds trust, it buildsintegrity and it builds you.
And look, this isn't I keepsaying this, but this really
(11:22):
isn't about being perfectBecause you're going to mess it
up, you're going to forget yourvalues in the moment.
You're going to make the wrongcall.
Sometimes that's part of beinghuman.
But the difference now is thatyou know what alignment feels
like.
You know what it looks like tobe in integrity with yourself.
(11:45):
You've felt it and once you'vefelt that that's not something
that you can just unfeel.
It becomes your internalreference point, your reset
button and your way back home.
Here's the other thing that I'velearned you don't have to get
your values right per se.
(12:07):
The first try right, and that'swhere I really got stuck.
Early on, I thought thatpicking my values was like
etching commandments into stone,like if I picked the wrong ones
, that I'd be locked into a lifeforever that didn't fit who.
It was that I was right, butthe truth is your values evolve
(12:31):
over time.
Right, they get refined overtime, and the more honest that
you get with yourself, theclearer they become.
The more life that you live,the more you learn what actually
matters to you.
So don't get paralyzed trying topick the perfect list.
Just start with what feels truetoday, because the the power
(12:55):
isn't in the actual wordsthemselves.
It's in the way that you livethem and you.
You do them in everyday life,and when you live them, when you
align your actions with yourdeepest values, you start to
feel something that most men arestarving for, and that's peace.
Not the absence of conflict,but the absence of that internal
(13:22):
war.
You stop feeling like you're atodds with yourself.
You stop questioning everydecision, every instinct, every
desire.
You stop trying to outrun guiltor explain your choices to
other people who don't shareyour vision.
You just show up grounded andhonest and clear.
(13:44):
And that's when confidencekicks in.
And honest and clear, andthat's when confidence kicks in,
not ego, not bravado, but real,earned, quiet confidence, the
kind that doesn't need to beloud because it knows where it
stands.
(14:10):
So here's the question that Iwant to leave hanging in the air
for a second Do you know whatyou stand for?
And, if not, are you ready tofind out?
Because, no matter where you'vebeen, no matter how long you've
been guessing, it's never toolate to lead yourself
differently.
You don't need a life overhaul,you need an anchor.
So let's get there.
So here's the shift that hit melike a brick the first time I
(14:33):
really sat with this.
Nobody is coming to tell youwho you are.
No one's handing you a list ofvalues that perfectly fits your
life.
No one's going to define yourintegrity for you or tell you
what to fight for when thingsget hard.
That's your work.
And at first, man, that feltlike a lot right, like I was
(14:57):
being handed the keys to amachine that I didn't even know
that I was driving.
But once it settled in, once Irealized that I had the
authority to decide for myselfwhat my life stood for.
It changed everything.
Because now the question isn'twell, what should I do?
(15:18):
It becomes what do I stand for?
And when you start asking that,you begin to see your entire
past in a new light.
All the times that youhesitated, betrayed yourself,
avoided the truth or followedthe crowd like those weren't
just mistakes.
They were moments made by a manwho didn't yet know what his
(15:43):
values were.
And that's not something tobeat yourself up for.
That's something to be proud of, because now you see it.
And once you see it, you can'tgo back.
And that's the turning point.
That's the quiet, solid,powerful shift where a man stops
drifting and starts leading.
(16:04):
You move from reaction todirection.
You stop trying to do whatlooks right and you start doing
what feels right, according to acompass that you created.
You start asking harderquestions and giving truer
answers.
You don't need a rule book orsomeone else's checklist.
(16:26):
You need your own set ofinternal standards, your own
North Star, your own code ofconduct, if you will.
And the moment that you start tolive by that, imperfectly,
inconsistently, clumsily atfirst right.
You start to trust yourself inan entirely new way that you
(16:49):
hadn't before, and you stopoutsourcing your decisions to
other people.
You stop performing foracceptance, you stop explaining
yourself Because you know whyyou're doing what you're doing.
You've chosen it, it's yours,and that's not ego, that's not
defiance, that's alignment, andthat's where real confidence
(17:14):
comes from Not pretending thatyou always know what you're
doing, but standing firm in thefact that you know who you are.
This is the moment that youstop waiting for someone else to
define you.
You've got the pen in your handnow.
So the only question left iswhat are you going to write?
(17:36):
So, now that you've seen it,now that you've felt what it
means to choose your own compassinstead of borrowing someone
else's, the only question leftis this what do you actually do
with it?
How do you take this shift fromrealization into alignment?
(18:00):
So let's keep it simple, becausethe real power here doesn't
come from creating a perfectlist.
It comes from taking onegrounded, honest step.
I want you to set aside 30minutes this week.
That's all.
Just 30 minutes ofuninterrupted space, Phone off,
distractions down and giveyourself permission to just
(18:23):
reflect, not to impress anyone,not to get it right, but to get
real.
And I want you to start withthis question what do I actually
value?
And you can pull up a list ifyou want, if you want to spark
some ideas, right, and somewords will probably come up,
(18:44):
like honesty and discipline,faith, courage, freedom.
You know there's a lot ofdifferent words that you can use
, right, but the point is, letyour gut guide you.
Which ones feel like home foryou, which ones stretch you in
(19:04):
the best way?
And then, after you've donethat circle, the ones that you
feel like really matter to you,and that's not the ones that you
think should matter, right?
So then, after that, narrow itdown right, push yourself to get
really, really clear about whatyou think those values are, and
(19:26):
in the end, I want you tochoose five, no more than that.
These aren't just nice ideas.
They're going to become thebackbone and the spine of how
you lead yourself.
And here's where it getspowerful.
Define each one in your ownwords, not a definition that you
(19:48):
find online.
What is this definition in yourwords, in your everyday life?
So, instead of just writingintegrity, you might say I keep
my word, even when it'sinconvenient, I don't ghost,
hide or play small.
Instead of writing presence,you might write something like I
(20:16):
turn toward my life.
I look my kids in the eyes whenthey speak.
I leave my phone in the otherroom when I'm connecting.
So now that you've done that, Iwant you to take those five and
write a value statement, oneparagraph, one bold claim about
(20:36):
who you are and how you liveyour life.
And that would go somethinglike my life is guided by truth,
growth and courage.
I speak honestly, growth andcourage.
I speak honestly.
I choose the path thatstretches me and I take full
(21:01):
ownership in the man that I'mbecoming.
And once you finish that, Iwant you to print it off, post
it and look at it every day,because this is your compass now
, and it won't be perfect and itmight evolve, but it's yours
and that's what matters.
So here's your challenge thisweek Define your values, write
(21:23):
your statement and take onesmall action to align with just
one of them.
And it doesn't have to be big,it doesn't have to be public, it
just has to be honest, becauseconfidence doesn't come from
talking about who you want to be.
It comes from showing up asthat man, one decision at a time
(21:48):
.
And here's what you'll start tonotice when you do this work.
When your life begins to lineup with what you truly value,
when your actions echo your core, you start to feel less noise
inside, less second guessing,less regret and more steadiness.
(22:09):
You begin to walk intoconversations with clarity
instead of anxiety.
You stop feeling like you haveto explain or justify yourself,
because you're not acting out ofguilt or confusion anymore.
You're acting from somethingsolid.
There's less drama, lessresentment and you feel more
(22:32):
proud of how you handle things,even when it's messy.
And that pride, that grounded,quiet pride, is one of the most
powerful things that a man canfeel.
It doesn't just change howothers see you.
It changes how you see yourself.
(22:52):
And if that's something thatyou've been longing for, if
you're tired of feeling like astranger to your own life and
you're ready to come back toyourself fully honestly, then
here's where that work begins.
Book a free discovery call withme over at evolvemenprojectcom.
(23:12):
That's where you'll find freetools, resources and ways to
start doing this work for real.
No pressure, no pitch, just aconversation to explore what
leading yourself could look likein your actual life.
Most men never do this work.
They never stop long enough toask what they actually stand for
(23:37):
.
They stay in motion, they stayreactive, stay disconnected from
themselves, their families,from their choices, from their
deepest truth.
And it's not because they'reweak or they're broken.
It's because no one ever showedthem how.
But you're here, you'relistening, you're reflecting and
(23:58):
you're starting to leadyourself in a different way, and
that's rare that matters.
So, whether you define yourvalues today or you wrestle with
them for the next few weeks,just know this You're already
doing something that most menavoid their entire lives You're
choosing to live on purpose, andthat's how everything begins to
(24:23):
change.
All right, men, that's whatI've got for this episode.
If this spoke to you, leave afive-star review and follow the
show and share it with someonethat you feel could use this.
That's how this message spreads, one man at a time.
We'll be you next time.
Are you ready to break free from hesitation,
self-doubt and isolation?
Do you want to lead withconfidence, build powerful
connections and live boldly?
I'm Cory Baum and I'm here toshare the most impactful
strategies and mindsets thatI've learned through coaching,
leadership and real-worldexperience.
Together, we'll forgeunshakable confidence, master
social dynamics and create alife rooted in purpose,
(00:22):
brotherhood and bold action.
Inside, you'll get the toolsand insights to become the
strongest, most connectedversion of yourself.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to the Evolve Menpodcast.
I'm your host, corey Baum.
This is where we talk about thereal work of becoming the man
(00:44):
that you were made to be.
Let me ask you something upfront.
If I stopped you right now andasked what guides your life,
what really drives yourdecisions, your direction, your
sense of self, could you tell meand I don't mean what sounds
good, not what you hope it is,but the truth?
(01:05):
Most men can't, Not becausethey're lost or lazy, but
because nobody ever taught ushow to look that deep.
We've been handed roles, rules,expectations, but very few
tools to build a life that'sactually ours, and that's what
this episode is about.
(01:26):
Today, we're talking aboutvalues, not corporate buzzwords
or aspirational posters, but thereal, gritty stuff, the things
that matter when no one'swatching the inner compass that
either grounds your decisions orleaves you drifting.
We're going to explore whatvalues actually are and how to
(01:48):
uncover the ones that are yoursand what it looks like to live
in alignment with them.
Because when you do, everythingchanges your confidence, your
relationships and your peace.
This isn't about being perfectand your peace, this isn't about
(02:10):
being perfect.
It's about being honest andpowerful in who you are and how
you lead your life.
So let's get into it.
I didn't grow up thinking aboutvalues, right?
No one sat me down and askedhey, what do you stand for?
What are the principles thatguide your life?
That just wasn't a conversationthat we had, not in school, not
at home, not with friends.
(02:31):
The word integrity might havefloated around once in a while,
maybe in a classroom poster oran assembly, but I never really
understood what it meant interms of my actual life, and I
sure as hell didn't have a listof values that I was living by.
So when I first got introducedto this idea of actually
(02:55):
choosing your core values,defining them, letting them
shape how you lead your life, Iwas almost embarrassed.
How you lead your life, I wasalmost embarrassed by how
foreign it felt At the time.
I was surrounded by a group ofother men who were doing similar
work, and a lot of them cameback to the group with their
(03:20):
values nailed down within just afew days.
They'd say things like yeah,you know, I picked mine.
Courage and authenticity anddiscipline, blah, blah, blah.
It took about 10 minutes and Iremember sitting there thinking
what it wasn't that simple forme and it felt huge, like I was
(03:45):
standing at the edge ofsomething that I had never,
never realized.
Right.
I, I was missing and and now Ihad to build it from scratch.
I didn't want to just throwwords on a page and to keep up
with everyone else.
I wanted to actually mean it,because the more that I sat with
it, the more that I realized Ihad been making every decision
(04:08):
in my entire life, both big andsmall, without any framework at
all.
Every conversation, everychoice, every crossroads was a
blank slate that I had to figureout in real time.
That I had to figure out inreal time, and there was no
compass, no North Star, justsurvival, adaptation, trying to
(04:32):
guess what the right move wasbased on whatever felt least
painful or most acceptable inthe moment.
And that was exhausting, andit's a heavy way to live,
because when you don't havevalues to come back to, you
question everything right, yousecond guess yourself, you shape
(04:53):
, shift depending on who'swatching, you try to keep the
peace, to avoid conflict, to getit right, and in the process
you lose touch with who youactually are.
So, for me, discovering thisconcept wasn't just a self-help
exercise.
It was revolutionary.
It was the beginning ofself-leadership for me, and it
(05:17):
taught me something that I hadnever heard before that your
values aren't just about who youwant to be.
They're about how you come hometo yourself, how you decide
what matters when life gets loud, complicated or messy.
(05:38):
And from that day forward, Istarted asking an entirely
different question Not whatshould I do, but what would the
man who I want to be do?
And that really shifted thingsfor me.
So let's slow this down for aminute.
Why is this whole values thingso hard for some of us and why
(06:04):
does it matter so much?
Because most of us were nevershown how to live from the
inside outward.
We were trained to read theroom, to fit in, to do what made
sense right.
We were taught to follow therules to earn the approval,
(06:25):
avoid the consequences.
But no one ever pulled us asideand said hey, man, you don't
have to guess, you can decidefor yourself.
You can actually choose thekind of man that you want to be
and then build your life aroundthat.
And that idea blew my mind whenI first heard it, because
(06:48):
before that life felt like aconstant game of reaction and
negotiation.
What is it that will make herhappy right now?
What is it that will get meahead?
What's the least risky path?
How do I keep the peace?
And there's nothing wrong withbeing strategic or acceptable.
(07:13):
But when every decision in yourlife is made through the lens
of fear, avoidance orappeasement, you lose yourself.
You don't know where you endand the rest of the world begins
.
Most men that I talk to neverconsciously choose their values.
(07:33):
They inherited them from theirparents, from religion, from
school or coaches or culture,from the wounds that shaped them
and the survival strategiesthat protected them.
Sometimes those values are goodand sometimes they're garbage
(07:55):
right, but either way, they'rerarely questioned.
You just absorb them likeoxygen, right?
And eventually you confuse whatyou were taught to value with
what you actually value, andthat's where the friction starts
.
Maybe you value growth, but youwere taught that security is
(08:18):
everything.
Maybe you value honesty, butyou were trained to keep the
peace.
Maybe you value connectionright, but you were rewarded
when you were a kid for beingself-sufficient, right.
So now, when you try to livedifferently, when you speak up
or slow down or choose yourself,you feel this invisible
(08:43):
resistance, this guilt, thisanxiety, and that's not a
character flaw, that's the acheof misalignment.
And you don't fix it byperforming harder.
You fix it by asking a questionthat most men never stop to ask
(09:03):
what do I want to live by?
See, your values are not justabstract ideas.
They're the rules of the gamethat you're playing, not society
, not your parents, not yourboss or your partner, you.
They're your internal code, thelens that you use to make sense
(09:27):
of your life.
And when you define themclearly, when you know them, you
name them and you own them,everything gets simpler, not
easier, but clearer.
You stop spinning in indecision, you stop betraying yourself
just to avoid discomfort and youstop letting other people's
(09:51):
values override your own,because now you have a compass.
And here's what that looks likein real life.
Let's say you're offered a jobthat pays more, but something
feels off.
And instead of agonizing forweeks, you check in with your
(10:12):
values super quick.
Do I value freedom more thanstatus?
Do I value growth more thancomfort?
Do I value alignment more thanapproval?
And suddenly the answer isn'tin the numbers or the opinions.
You find that it's in yourself.
Or maybe you're in arelationship where you've been
(10:36):
holding your tongue for months.
Right, you feel the tensionbuilding.
You've rehearsed theconversation a dozen times, but
you keep swallowing the truth.
And then you remember I valuehonesty, I value self-respect, I
value intimacy, not just peace.
(10:59):
So you have the hardconversation, not because it's
easy, not because it'scomfortable, but because it's
aligned with the man who youwant to be, and that changes how
you feel about yourself.
It builds trust, it buildsintegrity and it builds you.
And look, this isn't I keepsaying this, but this really
(11:22):
isn't about being perfectBecause you're going to mess it
up, you're going to forget yourvalues in the moment.
You're going to make the wrongcall.
Sometimes that's part of beinghuman.
But the difference now is thatyou know what alignment feels
like.
You know what it looks like tobe in integrity with yourself.
(11:45):
You've felt it and once you'vefelt that that's not something
that you can just unfeel.
It becomes your internalreference point, your reset
button and your way back home.
Here's the other thing that I'velearned you don't have to get
your values right per se.
(12:07):
The first try right, and that'swhere I really got stuck.
Early on, I thought thatpicking my values was like
etching commandments into stone,like if I picked the wrong ones
, that I'd be locked into a lifeforever that didn't fit who.
It was that I was right, butthe truth is your values evolve
(12:31):
over time.
Right, they get refined overtime, and the more honest that
you get with yourself, theclearer they become.
The more life that you live,the more you learn what actually
matters to you.
So don't get paralyzed trying topick the perfect list.
Just start with what feels truetoday, because the the power
(12:55):
isn't in the actual wordsthemselves.
It's in the way that you livethem and you.
You do them in everyday life,and when you live them, when you
align your actions with yourdeepest values, you start to
feel something that most men arestarving for, and that's peace.
Not the absence of conflict,but the absence of that internal
(13:22):
war.
You stop feeling like you're atodds with yourself.
You stop questioning everydecision, every instinct, every
desire.
You stop trying to outrun guiltor explain your choices to
other people who don't shareyour vision.
You just show up grounded andhonest and clear.
(13:44):
And that's when confidencekicks in.
And honest and clear, andthat's when confidence kicks in,
not ego, not bravado, but real,earned, quiet confidence, the
kind that doesn't need to beloud because it knows where it
stands.
(14:10):
So here's the question that Iwant to leave hanging in the air
for a second Do you know whatyou stand for?
And, if not, are you ready tofind out?
Because, no matter where you'vebeen, no matter how long you've
been guessing, it's never toolate to lead yourself
differently.
You don't need a life overhaul,you need an anchor.
So let's get there.
So here's the shift that hit melike a brick the first time I
(14:33):
really sat with this.
Nobody is coming to tell youwho you are.
No one's handing you a list ofvalues that perfectly fits your
life.
No one's going to define yourintegrity for you or tell you
what to fight for when thingsget hard.
That's your work.
And at first, man, that feltlike a lot right, like I was
(14:57):
being handed the keys to amachine that I didn't even know
that I was driving.
But once it settled in, once Irealized that I had the
authority to decide for myselfwhat my life stood for.
It changed everything.
Because now the question isn'twell, what should I do?
(15:18):
It becomes what do I stand for?
And when you start asking that,you begin to see your entire
past in a new light.
All the times that youhesitated, betrayed yourself,
avoided the truth or followedthe crowd like those weren't
just mistakes.
They were moments made by a manwho didn't yet know what his
(15:43):
values were.
And that's not something tobeat yourself up for.
That's something to be proud of, because now you see it.
And once you see it, you can'tgo back.
And that's the turning point.
That's the quiet, solid,powerful shift where a man stops
drifting and starts leading.
(16:04):
You move from reaction todirection.
You stop trying to do whatlooks right and you start doing
what feels right, according to acompass that you created.
You start asking harderquestions and giving truer
answers.
You don't need a rule book orsomeone else's checklist.
(16:26):
You need your own set ofinternal standards, your own
North Star, your own code ofconduct, if you will.
And the moment that you start tolive by that, imperfectly,
inconsistently, clumsily atfirst right.
You start to trust yourself inan entirely new way that you
(16:49):
hadn't before, and you stopoutsourcing your decisions to
other people.
You stop performing foracceptance, you stop explaining
yourself Because you know whyyou're doing what you're doing.
You've chosen it, it's yours,and that's not ego, that's not
defiance, that's alignment, andthat's where real confidence
(17:14):
comes from Not pretending thatyou always know what you're
doing, but standing firm in thefact that you know who you are.
This is the moment that youstop waiting for someone else to
define you.
You've got the pen in your handnow.
So the only question left iswhat are you going to write?
(17:36):
So, now that you've seen it,now that you've felt what it
means to choose your own compassinstead of borrowing someone
else's, the only question leftis this what do you actually do
with it?
How do you take this shift fromrealization into alignment?
(18:00):
So let's keep it simple, becausethe real power here doesn't
come from creating a perfectlist.
It comes from taking onegrounded, honest step.
I want you to set aside 30minutes this week.
That's all.
Just 30 minutes ofuninterrupted space, Phone off,
distractions down and giveyourself permission to just
(18:23):
reflect, not to impress anyone,not to get it right, but to get
real.
And I want you to start withthis question what do I actually
value?
And you can pull up a list ifyou want, if you want to spark
some ideas, right, and somewords will probably come up,
(18:44):
like honesty and discipline,faith, courage, freedom.
You know there's a lot ofdifferent words that you can use
, right, but the point is, letyour gut guide you.
Which ones feel like home foryou, which ones stretch you in
(19:04):
the best way?
And then, after you've donethat circle, the ones that you
feel like really matter to you,and that's not the ones that you
think should matter, right?
So then, after that, narrow itdown right, push yourself to get
really, really clear about whatyou think those values are, and
(19:26):
in the end, I want you tochoose five, no more than that.
These aren't just nice ideas.
They're going to become thebackbone and the spine of how
you lead yourself.
And here's where it getspowerful.
Define each one in your ownwords, not a definition that you
(19:48):
find online.
What is this definition in yourwords, in your everyday life?
So, instead of just writingintegrity, you might say I keep
my word, even when it'sinconvenient, I don't ghost,
hide or play small.
Instead of writing presence,you might write something like I
(20:16):
turn toward my life.
I look my kids in the eyes whenthey speak.
I leave my phone in the otherroom when I'm connecting.
So now that you've done that, Iwant you to take those five and
write a value statement, oneparagraph, one bold claim about
(20:36):
who you are and how you liveyour life.
And that would go somethinglike my life is guided by truth,
growth and courage.
I speak honestly, growth andcourage.
I speak honestly.
I choose the path thatstretches me and I take full
(21:01):
ownership in the man that I'mbecoming.
And once you finish that, Iwant you to print it off, post
it and look at it every day,because this is your compass now
, and it won't be perfect and itmight evolve, but it's yours
and that's what matters.
So here's your challenge thisweek Define your values, write
(21:23):
your statement and take onesmall action to align with just
one of them.
And it doesn't have to be big,it doesn't have to be public, it
just has to be honest, becauseconfidence doesn't come from
talking about who you want to be.
It comes from showing up asthat man, one decision at a time
(21:48):
.
And here's what you'll start tonotice when you do this work.
When your life begins to lineup with what you truly value,
when your actions echo your core, you start to feel less noise
inside, less second guessing,less regret and more steadiness.
(22:09):
You begin to walk intoconversations with clarity
instead of anxiety.
You stop feeling like you haveto explain or justify yourself,
because you're not acting out ofguilt or confusion anymore.
You're acting from somethingsolid.
There's less drama, lessresentment and you feel more
(22:32):
proud of how you handle things,even when it's messy.
And that pride, that grounded,quiet pride, is one of the most
powerful things that a man canfeel.
It doesn't just change howothers see you.
It changes how you see yourself.
(22:52):
And if that's something thatyou've been longing for, if
you're tired of feeling like astranger to your own life and
you're ready to come back toyourself fully honestly, then
here's where that work begins.
Book a free discovery call withme over at evolvemenprojectcom.
(23:12):
That's where you'll find freetools, resources and ways to
start doing this work for real.
No pressure, no pitch, just aconversation to explore what
leading yourself could look likein your actual life.
Most men never do this work.
They never stop long enough toask what they actually stand for
(23:37):
.
They stay in motion, they stayreactive, stay disconnected from
themselves, their families,from their choices, from their
deepest truth.
And it's not because they'reweak or they're broken.
It's because no one ever showedthem how.
But you're here, you'relistening, you're reflecting and
(23:58):
you're starting to leadyourself in a different way, and
that's rare that matters.
So, whether you define yourvalues today or you wrestle with
them for the next few weeks,just know this You're already
doing something that most menavoid their entire lives You're
choosing to live on purpose, andthat's how everything begins to
(24:23):
change.
All right, men, that's whatI've got for this episode.
If this spoke to you, leave afive-star review and follow the
show and share it with someonethat you feel could use this.
That's how this message spreads, one man at a time.
We'll be you next time.
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