July 21, 2025 • 21 mins
What if the mountain you’ve been climbing your whole life isn’t actually yours?
That question launched a deep reevaluation of how I approach work, relationships, and success itself.
Most of us are handed a map early on—by family, school, and culture—showing us what “making it” should look like. We chase titles, money, and milestones, often without questioning whether the destination is even ours. And the tragedy? Many arrive only to realize they climbed the wrong peak.
This episode shares how I confronted that realization, including how it showed up in the very way I was creating this podcast—scripted, polished, and disconnected from my value of integrity. In that discomfort, I developed a “success alignment practice”: define your true success values, assess where you’re out of sync, and course-correct.
The key question: Would I still want this life if nobody else saw it?
That question cuts through performance, pressure, and the need for applause.
You only get one life. Don’t waste it performing someone else’s script. Define success on your terms—and live it fully.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Are you ready to break free from hesitation,
self-doubt and isolation?
Do you want to lead withconfidence, build powerful
connections and live boldly?
I'm Cory Baum and I'm here toshare the most impactful
strategies and mindsets thatI've learned through coaching,
leadership and real-worldexperience.
Together, we'll forgeunshakable confidence, master
social dynamics and create alife rooted in purpose,
(00:26):
brotherhood and bold action.
Inside, you'll get the toolsand insights to become the
strongest, most connectedversion of yourself.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to the Evolve Menpodcast.
I'm your host, corey Baum.
This is where we do the realwork of becoming the man that
you were made to be.
So today, I want to pose thisquestion, which is this what
(00:49):
does success actually mean to me?
And when I say to me, I don'tmean myself, but what does
success actually mean to you?
And the reason that I bringthis up is that we're often
(01:10):
handed a map by our parents, byculture, by our teachers, by
social media, and it tells uswhat mountain to climb.
Right, it says to go to school,to get the job, to build the
life, and we follow it, thinkingthat it's ours all along.
Right, we get up every day, wehit the alarm clock and we march
on doing what we do in order tofollow that guide.
A lot of times, none of us everreally stop to ask ourselves
the question as to whether ornot I'm climbing the right
(01:32):
mountain.
Is this even something that Iwant, or is this the way that I
necessarily get there?
The reason that I bring this upis because it's something that
I've been pondering for myself alot lately.
Since I've started this podcast, I've been, to be completely
honest with you guys.
(01:53):
I've been scripting more of theepisode than I'm really
comfortable with, and the morethat I've done it along the way,
the less that I've felt like Iwas acting in integrity, that I
(02:13):
was really the person that Iwanted to become, and it really
just comes down to because itwas so important to me this
entire thing, right To coaching,to conveying my message, to
doing all of this Like it'ssuper important to me to to
share this and to be successfulRight, and it probably gets to
that point.
You know the image that I seefrom my mentors and other people
(02:36):
that I follow and coaches andsuch is that, uh, you know
they've been doing it a longtime.
They, they look great, they'vegot it all figured out.
Their lighting is amazing.
You know, and and I had thisrule for myself that that was
the only way that I could besuccessful was if I basically
had a perfect script that toldyou exactly.
(02:59):
You know exactly what needed tobe done in order to navigate
life Right.
But the reality is, is that Iwas going to get there if I ever
even did and I don'tnecessarily know that I would
have been the type of successfulthat I wanted to be, the type
of successful that is importantto me to show my kids Right.
(03:22):
I'm not here to necessarilyshow my kids that I can create
this amazing script rightThrough chat, gbt or whatever.
It is right that.
I mean, it is still a lot of mystory, it's still all of my
story, but it's not somethingauthentic that I wrote right.
Success to me is embodying thatum, and being a 100% authentic.
(03:45):
So, along the way, right afterwe get this map in the beginning
, I feel like a lot of usthere's these myths out there in
society, right, that the onlyway, along with myself, that the
only way to be successful is toslave away, right?
Or to get a certain level ofstatus, or to have the cars or
(04:09):
the money or the job or whateverit is, and that, and that more
is always better, right, and andthat's like that's well, that's
how you'll know that you'vereached success, right, and and
and a lot of the times thatcomes at the expense of
exchanging dollars for time,right, and a lot of the time
(04:29):
that means exchanging time withyour family in order to get
those dollars right, and thenlooking back later, right, and
this is what I think happens fora lot of people is they often
look back later and they realizeat the end of it, you know that
they, that they, that they getto their destination or their
goal or the top of that mountain, and they look back and that's
(04:51):
not even the mountain that theywanted to climb the entire time.
And so what I've really, youknow, at the end of this time,
that I've started podcasting andman, I tell you the the amount
that I've personally gonethrough, right, I mean, I I
can't even tell you, guys howmany episodes I've attempted to
(05:14):
record even for this one, right,I've hit the record button
easily 50 times, right, justbecause I'm worried about what
it, you know, saying exactlywhat's right, of having it all
kind of freshly baked and puttogether and well thought out,
and.
But I've had to go back andredefine that for myself, right,
(05:38):
and I've come to find thatsuccess has to be personal,
right?
It I can't take the samesuccess from my mentors or my
coaches or any of those sort ofthings, right, because they're
pulling on reasons that arepersonal to them, right, so
success is not performative,it's personal, right, and it has
(05:59):
to be something that you decide, your reason and your way
behind it.
All right, and so one of thethings that is most important
out of this is that we're allgoing to, at any time in our
life, where we're all going tostart climbing mountains, right,
whether this is the map thatyou followed when you were given
(06:20):
along the way growing up, or ormaybe things just changed for
you and you started climbing upthat mountain, um, only to find
that it wasn't the right peak,right.
Something that that I thought ofas I was prepping for this was
that I do a lot of mountainclimbing, or at least I have in
the past, right, and you know,and you kind of set off in the
(06:42):
beginning and you look up there,you know, or maybe it even
starts at home.
You've got, you got theguidebook right, and you've,
you've got the map and you'vetaken all of these sort of notes
and you've got, you've got thewisdom from the people before
you, right, and then you get outthere and you're following your
map and you're doing thesethings and, for whatever reason
you know you're, you end upthere out there without um, a
(07:05):
guide, right, let's say thatyou're climbing up Rainier or
anything like that, and you'reheaded up it, right, and they,
they, they have, while you'reclimbing, what are called false
summits, right, and that's whereyou're going up there and
you're looking, and you'relooking like, all right, I see
the goal, there it is, it'sright ahead just a little bit
further.
And you get up there only tofind that just a little bit
(07:26):
farther in the distance is whatyou think is the actual summit,
right, and this can happen kindof over and over, right, and
until you actually get to thetrue summit.
And the thing is, some of thetimes that you're on these trips
or these journeys, like, youcome to realize that, hey, there
was two mountains that areright next to each other, and I
ended up going up the wrongValley.
(07:47):
I'm on the completely wrongmountain, I'm nowhere, even
close, right, and so.
So the bravest thing aboutabout this, about this entire
thing and this work that we'redoing, is that success isn't
about just pushing to the summit, right, success is about
(08:07):
admitting that, hey, I'm not onthe right path, this is not the
way that I want to go about it.
You know, this is the wrongmountain and choosing to turn
around and to reset andreevaluate and start heading
back up the mountain again.
So today, I want to ask youthese questions for you to
(08:29):
reflect on for yourself, andthese are some of the questions
that I've been asking as I'vebeen going through this as well,
and those are what are youtrying to prove, right?
What is it that that you'rehoping to to get out of this?
Right, that, if this is yourgoal and this is success and
this is what it looks like like,what are you trying to prove
(08:51):
out of that?
But you still felt empty, allright.
So for me, that was something,honestly, that I was doing this,
I was showing up, I wascreating podcasts and I'm doing
(09:11):
this whole thing, but I'm notgetting to the level of
embodiment that I want to, right, I want to be able to stand up
here and put aside my fears andmy perfectionism and just to be
able to speak authenticallyabout what it is that I'm
passionate about, about doingthis work, about doing my growth
, about the contribution thatI'm making with my kids and to
everybody else, right?
(09:33):
And finally, the last questionis what does success feel like
to you and your body?
Right, and so it's actuallytaking that time to stop and to
think about it.
And embodiment, right.
Does this success that I'mchasing, does it bring me stress
?
Does it bring me anxiety ordepression or these things, or
(09:56):
does it brighten me up?
Does it liven me?
Right?
Does it put a smile on my face?
Does it bring joy to me and tothe people around me?
Right?
So, when you start to definesuccess, for me, I found that I
I've got to define success fromthe inside out, right, and for
(10:18):
me that that that means a placeof peace and alignment, you know
, and I've talked a little bitabout embodiment, like really
knowing down in my soul thatthis is who I am and I'm being
the most authentic version ofmyself along the way.
And then also presence and, mostof all, integrity, right, I
(10:40):
don't, I've, I have gotten tothe place in my life now where
integrity is one of my top corevalues, right, like I don't want
to do anything that takes meaway from acting with integrity.
Right, and some might say thatreading from a script isn't
necessarily acting, apart fromintegrity, but it was getting to
(11:03):
the place or to the point forme that it it wasn't.
It wasn't the way that I wantedto do it, it wasn't the way
that I wanted to embody it, andso success for me was acting and
integrity.
And it doesn't have to beintegrity Like you know oh, I
stole, you know, a candy fromthe store or anything like that
(11:23):
Like integrity can also be justintegrity to myself.
That wasn't something that Iwanted to do, that wasn't who I
wanted to be.
So, for me, my definition now ofsuccess has really evolved and
it's no longer as I'm standinghere today right, it's not about
(11:43):
perfection.
Right, like I, and it's goingto be something that I
continually work on.
Right, that I just showing upas a hundred percent who I am.
Right.
And it's not about the hustle.
Right, it's not about beingimpressive, right, what it is
(12:04):
about for me is about acting andliving in integrity.
It's about leading my familyand my boys with the presence
and authenticity that that thatI want to.
That really means something tome.
It's about creating freedomwithout losing my soul, right.
(12:27):
So I want to be able to createcontent and material and convey
my message right, but I don'twant to do that at the expense
of losing who.
It is that I am right.
And if that means that I'mquirky I say things a lot of
times, you know, I use ums orthis or that or whatever it is
then I want to work on that.
(12:48):
And if that means that I needto practice more I need to, you
know, go to Toastmasters orwhatever I need to do, or I just
need to have the reps and do itmore often then that's what I
need to do, and that, for me, issuccess, right, and it's also
choosing depth and truth andlove and just being a hundred
(13:12):
percent honest with who I am andputting that out there.
So, so I want to give to youthis what I would call like a
success alignment practice, thissort of bit that I've kind of
been going through over and over, and this isn't something
that's a one and done sort ofthing, like I didn't, I didn't
(13:34):
go through these steps and thenI'm like, okay, this is success.
I know exactly where I neededto go.
Like, this is an iterativeprocess that, and you know, even
even for me, in doing this,even over the last, this is what
I think.
This will be episode eight.
Right, I've come closer andfarther, or back and forth, you
know, or as my friend would say,kind of swung the pendulum from
(13:56):
one side to the other of how Ido this, that I've swung to
fully kind of scripting theepisodes.
Then I've swung the other wayof of kind of doing it freely,
right, and and I'm still, I knowthat I'm still in this process.
And so, as I, as I look at whatsuccess means to me, it's it's
an iterative process and it'sthings that you're going to go
through over and over again, butit it can be a North star that
(14:19):
you come back to and and a wayto kind of evaluate yourself and
whether or not you're stillclimbing the right mountain,
that you're still on track,right, and so this is what it is
.
So it's a simple, right, butpowerful self-check, and the the
first thing is to to list threeto five success values, right?
(14:43):
Some of the ones that you'veheard me mention today is
integrity, right, integrity issuper important to me.
I wanna, in order for me to besuccessful, I need to be acting
in integrity, right?
Some of the other ones for meconnection community, things
like that.
So list three to five of yoursuccess values.
(15:07):
What is that?
And it's different foreverybody, but what does that
look like for you?
At rate, your current alignment,right, with 10 being like I am
100% aligned with that value,right, and one being I'm not
even anywhere on the map, right,and then getting up every day,
(15:27):
or even doing it multiple timesa day, and choose one step in
order to raise that score, right?
How am I, you know, as kind ofan example, right?
If we talk about the guy thatworks 80 hours a week, right,
and he's not, he's not at homewith his family, right, but yet
he would say that one of hisvalues for success is, you know,
(15:50):
having a happy family at home.
Okay, well, let's take a lookat that.
Like, can you work both 80hours a week and have a happy
family at home?
And if you are, then fantastic,right.
But with the second question,are you how close?
If you were to rate yourcurrent alignment, what would
that be right?
Would it be a 10?
(16:10):
And if it wouldn't be, what canyou do in order to make one
step closer to making that be a10 this week or this day or
whatever it is and, as I say alot in all of the other stuff
that I do and in coaching andwhatnot is that it's not about.
It's obviously not aboutperfection, right, it's about
(16:30):
momentum and it's about movement.
It's about taking one stepcloser.
So this isn't about like throweverything out and start over,
right, it's about.
It's about embodying thesechanges, understanding why it is
that they're important to youand then integrating them into
(16:50):
your life.
So small, subtle, consistentchanges, so kind of to that
point.
Right, I mean, I know that anumber of you guys are going to
be stuck in like this survivalmode.
Right, I've been living thisstory, I've been striving for it
my entire life.
Like, this is the only thingthat I know, right, and you're
(17:12):
telling me now that there's achance or a possibility that I
could be climbing the entirelywrong mountain or, you know,
maybe you've done the work.
You started to ask yourself, I,and you found, like I am, I am
so far off, but kind of goingback to the guy that works 80
hours a week, right, you have tostop and ask yourself if, if
(17:36):
the cost of your success is toohigh, right, are you going to be
the guy that?
Yeah, sure you, you got to, youknow the, the money and the
fame and the possessions andthings like that, but you look
back at the end of it and you'vegot no family and your kids
hate you and you've got nofriends and any of these are,
you know.
And it doesn't have to be thatdrastic, but it could be as
(17:57):
simple as, like, you don't havea social life, you don't have
any friends to actually hang outwith or any of that Like.
So what is the cost of yourquote success at the end of all
of that, right and?
And is it costing your healthand your peace and your
relationships?
(18:17):
And if that's the case, like,I'm sorry, but that's not
success, right and?
And I encourage you to redefinethat for yourself before it's
too late, before you can't takesome of those sort of things
back.
So one of the questions thatreally cut through everything
for me was this, and thequestion was is what I still
(18:44):
want this life if nobody elsesaw it, right?
So if I, if I sat here and Inecessarily recorded every
single episode, right, and Iscripted everything out and I
recorded it and it was on likemy fine, my family album sort of
thing, if I was writing adocumentary to my kids or
whatever it is, and I scriptedit all out and it was polished
(19:07):
and it was perfect.
Is that really what I wouldwant?
Right, if, if nobody else wasto ever see that?
Is that?
Is that what I want?
Is that what I would be proudof?
And and so, as you're goingthrough this for for yourself,
right If, if nobody ever saw the, the, you know, the possessions
(19:28):
and the money and and any ofthat other sort of stuff, like,
would you still want it?
Would you still do it?
And for me, that's my compass,right?
That's how I know.
You know, along with my corevalues and such, that I'm, I'm
headed in the right direction,that I'm, I'm alive, and not
just, I'm not just taking thatmap.
(19:50):
Going back to that, somebodyelse had kind of given me that
I'm, I'm drawing my own map, I'mmaking my own decisions and
what feels right to me.
So, to kind of start wrappingthis up and put a bow on it, you
only get one life right.
And don't, don't perform, don'tchase the applause.
(20:12):
Define your success your wayright, based on your values, on
your life, on your upbringingand your childhood, like what
really matters to you, and thenbuild your life based around
that and live it and refine itand keep doing it again.
Like I said, it's an iterativeprocess.
(20:33):
Keep doing this over and overuntil until you love it.
All right, guys, I appreciateyou spending this time with me.
This is what I've got for thisepisode.
Thanks for tuning in to thisepisode of the Evolve Men
podcast.
If today's episode challengedyou, inspired you or gave you
something to think about, don'tstop here.
(20:55):
Keep building, keep evolving.
Head over towwwevolvemenprojectcom, where
you'll find free resources onconfidence, leadership,
relationships, communication andpersonal power Everything you
need to start applying whatyou've learned here and take
your growth to the next level.
The tools are there.
The next move is yours.
(21:16):
Until the next time, men, staystrong, lead powerfully and live
boldly.
Are you ready to break free from hesitation,
self-doubt and isolation?
Do you want to lead withconfidence, build powerful
connections and live boldly?
I'm Cory Baum and I'm here toshare the most impactful
strategies and mindsets thatI've learned through coaching,
leadership and real-worldexperience.
Together, we'll forgeunshakable confidence, master
social dynamics and create alife rooted in purpose,
(00:26):
brotherhood and bold action.
Inside, you'll get the toolsand insights to become the
strongest, most connectedversion of yourself.
Let's dive in.
Welcome to the Evolve Menpodcast.
I'm your host, corey Baum.
This is where we do the realwork of becoming the man that
you were made to be.
So today, I want to pose thisquestion, which is this what
(00:49):
does success actually mean to me?
And when I say to me, I don'tmean myself, but what does
success actually mean to you?
And the reason that I bringthis up is that we're often
(01:10):
handed a map by our parents, byculture, by our teachers, by
social media, and it tells uswhat mountain to climb.
Right, it says to go to school,to get the job, to build the
life, and we follow it, thinkingthat it's ours all along.
Right, we get up every day, wehit the alarm clock and we march
on doing what we do in order tofollow that guide.
A lot of times, none of us everreally stop to ask ourselves
the question as to whether ornot I'm climbing the right
(01:32):
mountain.
Is this even something that Iwant, or is this the way that I
necessarily get there?
The reason that I bring this upis because it's something that
I've been pondering for myself alot lately.
Since I've started this podcast, I've been, to be completely
honest with you guys.
(01:53):
I've been scripting more of theepisode than I'm really
comfortable with, and the morethat I've done it along the way,
the less that I've felt like Iwas acting in integrity, that I
(02:13):
was really the person that Iwanted to become, and it really
just comes down to because itwas so important to me this
entire thing, right To coaching,to conveying my message, to
doing all of this Like it'ssuper important to me to to
share this and to be successfulRight, and it probably gets to
that point.
You know the image that I seefrom my mentors and other people
(02:36):
that I follow and coaches andsuch is that, uh, you know
they've been doing it a longtime.
They, they look great, they'vegot it all figured out.
Their lighting is amazing.
You know, and and I had thisrule for myself that that was
the only way that I could besuccessful was if I basically
had a perfect script that toldyou exactly.
(02:59):
You know exactly what needed tobe done in order to navigate
life Right.
But the reality is, is that Iwas going to get there if I ever
even did and I don'tnecessarily know that I would
have been the type of successfulthat I wanted to be, the type
of successful that is importantto me to show my kids Right.
(03:22):
I'm not here to necessarilyshow my kids that I can create
this amazing script rightThrough chat, gbt or whatever.
It is right that.
I mean, it is still a lot of mystory, it's still all of my
story, but it's not somethingauthentic that I wrote right.
Success to me is embodying thatum, and being a 100% authentic.
(03:45):
So, along the way, right afterwe get this map in the beginning
, I feel like a lot of usthere's these myths out there in
society, right, that the onlyway, along with myself, that the
only way to be successful is toslave away, right?
Or to get a certain level ofstatus, or to have the cars or
(04:09):
the money or the job or whateverit is, and that, and that more
is always better, right, and andthat's like that's well, that's
how you'll know that you'vereached success, right, and and
and a lot of the times thatcomes at the expense of
exchanging dollars for time,right, and a lot of the time
(04:29):
that means exchanging time withyour family in order to get
those dollars right, and thenlooking back later, right, and
this is what I think happens fora lot of people is they often
look back later and they realizeat the end of it, you know that
they, that they, that they getto their destination or their
goal or the top of that mountain, and they look back and that's
(04:51):
not even the mountain that theywanted to climb the entire time.
And so what I've really, youknow, at the end of this time,
that I've started podcasting andman, I tell you the the amount
that I've personally gonethrough, right, I mean, I I
can't even tell you, guys howmany episodes I've attempted to
(05:14):
record even for this one, right,I've hit the record button
easily 50 times, right, justbecause I'm worried about what
it, you know, saying exactlywhat's right, of having it all
kind of freshly baked and puttogether and well thought out,
and.
But I've had to go back andredefine that for myself, right,
(05:38):
and I've come to find thatsuccess has to be personal,
right?
It I can't take the samesuccess from my mentors or my
coaches or any of those sort ofthings, right, because they're
pulling on reasons that arepersonal to them, right, so
success is not performative,it's personal, right, and it has
(05:59):
to be something that you decide, your reason and your way
behind it.
All right, and so one of thethings that is most important
out of this is that we're allgoing to, at any time in our
life, where we're all going tostart climbing mountains, right,
whether this is the map thatyou followed when you were given
(06:20):
along the way growing up, or ormaybe things just changed for
you and you started climbing upthat mountain, um, only to find
that it wasn't the right peak,right.
Something that that I thought ofas I was prepping for this was
that I do a lot of mountainclimbing, or at least I have in
the past, right, and you know,and you kind of set off in the
(06:42):
beginning and you look up there,you know, or maybe it even
starts at home.
You've got, you got theguidebook right, and you've,
you've got the map and you'vetaken all of these sort of notes
and you've got, you've got thewisdom from the people before
you, right, and then you get outthere and you're following your
map and you're doing thesethings and, for whatever reason
you know you're, you end upthere out there without um, a
(07:05):
guide, right, let's say thatyou're climbing up Rainier or
anything like that, and you'reheaded up it, right, and they,
they, they have, while you'reclimbing, what are called false
summits, right, and that's whereyou're going up there and
you're looking, and you'relooking like, all right, I see
the goal, there it is, it'sright ahead just a little bit
further.
And you get up there only tofind that just a little bit
(07:26):
farther in the distance is whatyou think is the actual summit,
right, and this can happen kindof over and over, right, and
until you actually get to thetrue summit.
And the thing is, some of thetimes that you're on these trips
or these journeys, like, youcome to realize that, hey, there
was two mountains that areright next to each other, and I
ended up going up the wrongValley.
(07:47):
I'm on the completely wrongmountain, I'm nowhere, even
close, right, and so.
So the bravest thing aboutabout this, about this entire
thing and this work that we'redoing, is that success isn't
about just pushing to the summit, right, success is about
(08:07):
admitting that, hey, I'm not onthe right path, this is not the
way that I want to go about it.
You know, this is the wrongmountain and choosing to turn
around and to reset andreevaluate and start heading
back up the mountain again.
So today, I want to ask youthese questions for you to
(08:29):
reflect on for yourself, andthese are some of the questions
that I've been asking as I'vebeen going through this as well,
and those are what are youtrying to prove, right?
What is it that that you'rehoping to to get out of this?
Right, that, if this is yourgoal and this is success and
this is what it looks like like,what are you trying to prove
(08:51):
out of that?
But you still felt empty, allright.
So for me, that was something,honestly, that I was doing this,
I was showing up, I wascreating podcasts and I'm doing
(09:11):
this whole thing, but I'm notgetting to the level of
embodiment that I want to, right, I want to be able to stand up
here and put aside my fears andmy perfectionism and just to be
able to speak authenticallyabout what it is that I'm
passionate about, about doingthis work, about doing my growth
, about the contribution thatI'm making with my kids and to
everybody else, right?
(09:33):
And finally, the last questionis what does success feel like
to you and your body?
Right, and so it's actuallytaking that time to stop and to
think about it.
And embodiment, right.
Does this success that I'mchasing, does it bring me stress
?
Does it bring me anxiety ordepression or these things, or
(09:56):
does it brighten me up?
Does it liven me?
Right?
Does it put a smile on my face?
Does it bring joy to me and tothe people around me?
Right?
So, when you start to definesuccess, for me, I found that I
I've got to define success fromthe inside out, right, and for
(10:18):
me that that that means a placeof peace and alignment, you know
, and I've talked a little bitabout embodiment, like really
knowing down in my soul thatthis is who I am and I'm being
the most authentic version ofmyself along the way.
And then also presence and, mostof all, integrity, right, I
(10:40):
don't, I've, I have gotten tothe place in my life now where
integrity is one of my top corevalues, right, like I don't want
to do anything that takes meaway from acting with integrity.
Right, and some might say thatreading from a script isn't
necessarily acting, apart fromintegrity, but it was getting to
(11:03):
the place or to the point forme that it it wasn't.
It wasn't the way that I wantedto do it, it wasn't the way
that I wanted to embody it, andso success for me was acting and
integrity.
And it doesn't have to beintegrity Like you know oh, I
stole, you know, a candy fromthe store or anything like that
(11:23):
Like integrity can also be justintegrity to myself.
That wasn't something that Iwanted to do, that wasn't who I
wanted to be.
So, for me, my definition now ofsuccess has really evolved and
it's no longer as I'm standinghere today right, it's not about
(11:43):
perfection.
Right, like I, and it's goingto be something that I
continually work on.
Right, that I just showing upas a hundred percent who I am.
Right.
And it's not about the hustle.
Right, it's not about beingimpressive, right, what it is
(12:04):
about for me is about acting andliving in integrity.
It's about leading my familyand my boys with the presence
and authenticity that that thatI want to.
That really means something tome.
It's about creating freedomwithout losing my soul, right.
(12:27):
So I want to be able to createcontent and material and convey
my message right, but I don'twant to do that at the expense
of losing who.
It is that I am right.
And if that means that I'mquirky I say things a lot of
times, you know, I use ums orthis or that or whatever it is
then I want to work on that.
(12:48):
And if that means that I needto practice more I need to, you
know, go to Toastmasters orwhatever I need to do, or I just
need to have the reps and do itmore often then that's what I
need to do, and that, for me, issuccess, right, and it's also
choosing depth and truth andlove and just being a hundred
(13:12):
percent honest with who I am andputting that out there.
So, so I want to give to youthis what I would call like a
success alignment practice, thissort of bit that I've kind of
been going through over and over, and this isn't something
that's a one and done sort ofthing, like I didn't, I didn't
(13:34):
go through these steps and thenI'm like, okay, this is success.
I know exactly where I neededto go.
Like, this is an iterativeprocess that, and you know, even
even for me, in doing this,even over the last, this is what
I think.
This will be episode eight.
Right, I've come closer andfarther, or back and forth, you
know, or as my friend would say,kind of swung the pendulum from
(13:56):
one side to the other of how Ido this, that I've swung to
fully kind of scripting theepisodes.
Then I've swung the other wayof of kind of doing it freely,
right, and and I'm still, I knowthat I'm still in this process.
And so, as I, as I look at whatsuccess means to me, it's it's
an iterative process and it'sthings that you're going to go
through over and over again, butit it can be a North star that
(14:19):
you come back to and and a wayto kind of evaluate yourself and
whether or not you're stillclimbing the right mountain,
that you're still on track,right, and so this is what it is
.
So it's a simple, right, butpowerful self-check, and the the
first thing is to to list threeto five success values, right?
(14:43):
Some of the ones that you'veheard me mention today is
integrity, right, integrity issuper important to me.
I wanna, in order for me to besuccessful, I need to be acting
in integrity, right?
Some of the other ones for meconnection community, things
like that.
So list three to five of yoursuccess values.
(15:07):
What is that?
And it's different foreverybody, but what does that
look like for you?
At rate, your current alignment,right, with 10 being like I am
100% aligned with that value,right, and one being I'm not
even anywhere on the map, right,and then getting up every day,
(15:27):
or even doing it multiple timesa day, and choose one step in
order to raise that score, right?
How am I, you know, as kind ofan example, right?
If we talk about the guy thatworks 80 hours a week, right,
and he's not, he's not at homewith his family, right, but yet
he would say that one of hisvalues for success is, you know,
(15:50):
having a happy family at home.
Okay, well, let's take a lookat that.
Like, can you work both 80hours a week and have a happy
family at home?
And if you are, then fantastic,right.
But with the second question,are you how close?
If you were to rate yourcurrent alignment, what would
that be right?
Would it be a 10?
(16:10):
And if it wouldn't be, what canyou do in order to make one
step closer to making that be a10 this week or this day or
whatever it is and, as I say alot in all of the other stuff
that I do and in coaching andwhatnot is that it's not about.
It's obviously not aboutperfection, right, it's about
(16:30):
momentum and it's about movement.
It's about taking one stepcloser.
So this isn't about like throweverything out and start over,
right, it's about.
It's about embodying thesechanges, understanding why it is
that they're important to youand then integrating them into
(16:50):
your life.
So small, subtle, consistentchanges, so kind of to that
point.
Right, I mean, I know that anumber of you guys are going to
be stuck in like this survivalmode.
Right, I've been living thisstory, I've been striving for it
my entire life.
Like, this is the only thingthat I know, right, and you're
(17:12):
telling me now that there's achance or a possibility that I
could be climbing the entirelywrong mountain or, you know,
maybe you've done the work.
You started to ask yourself, I,and you found, like I am, I am
so far off, but kind of goingback to the guy that works 80
hours a week, right, you have tostop and ask yourself if, if
(17:36):
the cost of your success is toohigh, right, are you going to be
the guy that?
Yeah, sure you, you got to, youknow the, the money and the
fame and the possessions andthings like that, but you look
back at the end of it and you'vegot no family and your kids
hate you and you've got nofriends and any of these are,
you know.
And it doesn't have to be thatdrastic, but it could be as
(17:57):
simple as, like, you don't havea social life, you don't have
any friends to actually hang outwith or any of that Like.
So what is the cost of yourquote success at the end of all
of that, right and?
And is it costing your healthand your peace and your
relationships?
(18:17):
And if that's the case, like,I'm sorry, but that's not
success, right and?
And I encourage you to redefinethat for yourself before it's
too late, before you can't takesome of those sort of things
back.
So one of the questions thatreally cut through everything
for me was this, and thequestion was is what I still
(18:44):
want this life if nobody elsesaw it, right?
So if I, if I sat here and Inecessarily recorded every
single episode, right, and Iscripted everything out and I
recorded it and it was on likemy fine, my family album sort of
thing, if I was writing adocumentary to my kids or
whatever it is, and I scriptedit all out and it was polished
(19:07):
and it was perfect.
Is that really what I wouldwant?
Right, if, if nobody else wasto ever see that?
Is that?
Is that what I want?
Is that what I would be proudof?
And and so, as you're goingthrough this for for yourself,
right If, if nobody ever saw the, the, you know, the possessions
(19:28):
and the money and and any ofthat other sort of stuff, like,
would you still want it?
Would you still do it?
And for me, that's my compass,right?
That's how I know.
You know, along with my corevalues and such, that I'm, I'm
headed in the right direction,that I'm, I'm alive, and not
just, I'm not just taking thatmap.
(19:50):
Going back to that, somebodyelse had kind of given me that
I'm, I'm drawing my own map, I'mmaking my own decisions and
what feels right to me.
So, to kind of start wrappingthis up and put a bow on it, you
only get one life right.
And don't, don't perform, don'tchase the applause.
(20:12):
Define your success your wayright, based on your values, on
your life, on your upbringingand your childhood, like what
really matters to you, and thenbuild your life based around
that and live it and refine itand keep doing it again.
Like I said, it's an iterativeprocess.
(20:33):
Keep doing this over and overuntil until you love it.
All right, guys, I appreciateyou spending this time with me.
This is what I've got for thisepisode.
Thanks for tuning in to thisepisode of the Evolve Men
podcast.
If today's episode challengedyou, inspired you or gave you
something to think about, don'tstop here.
(20:55):
Keep building, keep evolving.
Head over towwwevolvemenprojectcom, where
you'll find free resources onconfidence, leadership,
relationships, communication andpersonal power Everything you
need to start applying whatyou've learned here and take
your growth to the next level.
The tools are there.
The next move is yours.
(21:16):
Until the next time, men, staystrong, lead powerfully and live
boldly.
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