May 12, 2025 • 26 mins
The Funny Kind with Erica Gumieny is where humor meets inspiration!
In each episode, Erica shares insightful and light-hearted conversations that explore life's ups and downs and the importance of spirituality and laughter on the journey.
Whether it’s a solo reflection or a conversation with a special guest, you’ll walk away feeling motivated and uplifted.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 00 (00:00):
Hello and welcome to another episode of The Funny
Kind with your host, EricaGumieny.
Get ready for some laughs andinspiration as Erica takes us on
a journey to find the kindnessand light in everyday places.
And now, without further ado,here's your host, Erica Gumieny.
Speaker 01 (00:20):
Well, I just have to say what an exciting day this
is for me.
I could hardly sleep lastnight.
because I've been so excitedfor our return of the Allie and
Erica show, copyrightforthcoming.
And I'm just so blessed towelcome Allie Hoffman here with
(00:43):
us again today.
Hi, Allie.
Well, hello, Erica.
How are you doing today?
Oh, my gosh, I'm so great.
Thanks for asking.
Allie and I have, it's been ahot minute since we've talked
and we've decided for purposesof ease and comfort to do these
(01:06):
at this moment in time, audiolyinstead of videoly.
And I feel for one that it'sbest for everybody not to see me
the way that I look right now.
I just feel like we've done theaudience a great service.
I mean, and honestly, let's beclear.
We only did it because of theconstruction.
We can't get to one another'shouses.
So we're like stranded on theselittle islands that are our
(01:29):
homes.
You know, Allie, I'm reallyglad that you brought that up.
Allie and I have known eachother for many years.
Our kids went to schooltogether and we've grown quite
close, both emotionally andgeographically.
If I had my druthers, I wouldbe able to sashay over to
Allie's house.
(01:49):
It would just take me but ahalf hour.
However, a year has passed andbecause of construction, we
haven't been able to see eachother.
Is that what you're saying?
Pretty much, yes.
I mean, we wanted to do this,you know, video-ly, which is
your new word, but we wereunable to because for me to get
(02:11):
to your place, I have to go byway of Illinois and then I got
to get on the ferry and Yeah.
To come over to get on theother side of the construction.
And it just, it's not doable.
I think the ferry launched.
I'm not 100% sure.
I didn't see it on the news.
I don't know what my optionsare.
Well, they did just take a boatout of a lake.
Maybe that was it.
Oh, I saw that.
(02:33):
Yes.
Maybe that's the one.
And you know what I'm excitedabout?
Speaking of Illinois, we usedto have this little plastic
transponder.
that would slide here and throwon my dashboard every time I
drove down to Illinois for theI-pass, but it expired.
(02:53):
So I had to go online and get anew one.
And they now have a stickerthat you can just put on the
back of your windshield.
Thank you very much.
So now at least we can use thatwhen trying to see each other.
But yeah, construction.
I don't understand it.
Everywhere you go, the road isclosed.
(03:16):
And I don't know where, I feellike it's the zombie apocalypse
because I drive by and there'scones and there's lanes closed,
but there's nobody workingthere.
Where are they?
What happened?
I'm worried about them.
Does their family know wherethey are?
Do we need like a 10 o'clockp.m.
announcement?
Oh my gosh, is it like thatshow that, what is it, Manifest,
(03:38):
where like they were on theplane and the plane disappears
for like five years and thenthey
Speaker 02 (03:42):
come
Speaker 01 (03:42):
back?
See?
See?
They're in like some alternateuniverse.
Yeah.
I feel like you would be areally great project manager for
this kind of work, where youwould be able to get the
construction workers, theelectricians, the plumbers, the
cement mixers, the linepainters, The grass digger
(04:05):
outers.
I mean, I don't want to get tootechnical.
Obviously.
But for you to be able to justorchestrate all of that, I feel
like you would shine.
Surely somebody's doing allthat, which is why it's such a,
I don't even know what acluster.
(04:27):
I think by the time I'm agrandparent or
great-grandparent, it'll be alldone.
It could be close.
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (04:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (04:37):
Okay.
So other than construction,Allie, it's been almost a year
since we've done one of these.
And I just, it makes me sadthat the world has been feeling
such angst and sadness withoutyour humor in the world.
I think that maybe that's whateverybody's talking about.
Unknown (04:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (04:59):
Are you saying we could have like affected the
whole world if we weren't off?
Shame on us.
Yeah, you're like a butterflywing, man.
You have that kind of impact.
That is putting a lot of unduestress on me now.
Like, oh man, we really wreckedthis.
Well, to whom much is given,much is expected, you know?
(05:22):
Yeah.
So what you been doing allyear?
other than trying to traverseHighway 100.
Like Frogger, just helping thebest.
Nothing, haven't done anything.
Been super boring.
Just working, which, you know,super boring.
(05:44):
Yeah, and let's see, what else?
I don't know.
Got a little kid, moving along.
Yeah, graduation's coming up.
You just had a graduation.
so crazy i i just feel likethey're like i don't i they're
getting old and we're gettingyounger how i know how i i feel
(06:08):
like i i i look at other peoplewho have children our age and
they seem so much older i and idon't mean to be judgmental and
yet i feel so young and dry it'sYou know what it is?
We're probably wherever thoseconstruction workers are, right?
We disappeared for like fiveyears and we don't even know.
(06:28):
That's why.
Yeah.
I feel that way until I use mymagnifying mirror in the
bathroom.
And then, then that's where I,my, I got to face the fact that
the aging process is indeedoccurring.
And any hair that I wantplucked from my, from my
eyebrows has now disappeared.
(06:50):
somehow genetically moved ontomy chin.
It's trying to find a lessobtrusive place.
It's like, okay, you didn'twant me here.
Let me try here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're fast.
It's like crabgrass on yourface.
It's like you look one day,they're gone.
Next day, there's more.
(07:12):
It's like, oh, I don'tunderstand.
Did I just pluck that?
Apparently not.
Does it grow an inch?
Well, then you look in thatmagnifying mirror, and it does
look super long, and you'relike, how do people not just
point at me and laugh?
Right.
And your fingers cramp,tweezing them.
Then you're like, all right, Igot it.
And then, heaven forbid, youlook to the left.
(07:33):
Then there's a whole other cropthat popped up.
Yeah.
And this is who I am now.
This is what I talk about withmy friend Ellie.
It's so sad.
It is.
It is pretty sad.
Yeah.
I do really enjoy, I took mydaughter's magnifying mirror,
like, and it's so magnified thatI don't even need to wear my
(07:55):
glasses with it.
Yeah.
But then you realize how bigyour pores are and stuff too.
And then you're like, should Ido something about that?
That's probably not right.
But what do you do?
And then I'm up in themornings, you know, and I'm
walking on my treadmill and thenthere's Bobby Brown and she's
talking about her makeup andstuff.
And I'm like, does it just fillthose holes?
Yeah.
(08:15):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, evidently the new, Idon't know if it's new, but the
word that my algorithm keepstelling me about is serum,
serum, serum, serum, serum.
I'm like, okay.
So it's like, I am so lowmaintenance.
I've got time to apply lots ofstuff upon me.
I just don't.
(08:35):
So that's why audio is the waywe go now.
And I've now moved intoheadshots of cartoons.
That's how I'm going to belooking like a cartoon character
from now on.
No one will know what I reallylook like.
No one will.
Yeah.
This way now, with thepopular...
(08:56):
popularity of this, you can goout in public and not get mobbed
by people.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Finally, the paparazzi willleave me alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's good for you ingeneral, because I mean, it's a
good thing we took that yearbreak.
So people kind of forgot andnow you just come back as a
voice and they're like, what didthat Erica look like?
(09:16):
Oh my gosh.
Who are these angelic voicesthat I hear from my car radio
speakers?
Unknown (09:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (09:23):
And I'm just going to say, you know how they say,
you have a face for TV or youhave a voice for radio.
Nobody's ever said either tome.
I'm pretty certain I have aterrible voice, and I apologize
to all of the listeners now.
Yeah.
Well, I feel like if somebodytried to take a police sketch,
(09:47):
to make a police sketch of mebased on my voice, it would not
make me feel good about myself.
It would
Speaker 02 (09:55):
feel
Speaker 01 (09:56):
bad.
Be like, am I smoking, like,how many cigarettes am I smoking
a day?
Is it normal that people wearthat much elastic on their
pants?
Like, what?
After a certain age, I thinkso.
What department am I shoppingfor over here at JCPenney's or
something?
Oh my gosh.
(10:18):
You know, you can put likepictures of your dog and like
chat GPT and say, what would helook like as a cartoon or
whatever?
Or what would he look like as ahuman?
That kind of fun stuff.
Like, wouldn't it be cool ifyou could do that?
Like what?
I'm going to talk to you, chatGPT, and you tell me what I
(10:38):
would look like based on myvoice.
Wow.
Oh my God.
I don't think I could.
Future enhancement.
I don't think my self-esteem isso fragile.
I think it would put me into asevere depression if I saw,
based on the sound of my voice,what would I look like?
Or if I was a dog, what would Ilook like?
(10:59):
No.
I have friends that would becute little Pomeranian.
I'd be like the world's ugliestpug.
Eyes look a different way.
A real raspy bark.
I'd be the overweight bassethound, like my hair's just
hanging down, looking tired,fangs under my eyes.
(11:20):
For our next episode, I willturn us into dog cartoon
versions of ourselves.
Every episode we do from nowon, listeners, get excited.
Coming soon, other cartoonypictures of Allie and Erica.
Yeah.
It's all different things.
There was something else wewere chatting about that I
(11:42):
didn't, the other day, perhapsearlier today, I can't recall.
Because now, because of theconstructional distance, we can
only communicate via textcarrier pigeons and dump
seagulls that fly over in themorning.
Yes.
We live near a dump, notscarily near.
(12:07):
but near enough that I'm likeseagulls.
We don't live by a sea.
Why are there seagulls flyingover my house all the time?
They're going to the dump.
You're by a lake.
Not really.
I mean, it's not that far away.
I mean, seagulls are birds,man.
They can fly all over theplace.
Flying from the lakefront toFranklin's like no big deal.
(12:27):
I'm there.
They don't have to pay tolls.
They don't have to get theirtoll stickers out.
And they don't have to stop atstoplights.
They don't have to take thecircuitous route.
No, they just shoot whereverthey want to.
They're like, I'm going to gostraight that way.
As the crow flies or as theseagull flies.
Oh, they just got to watch outfor Fabio on a roller coaster.
(12:48):
Did you ever see that video?
Poor Fabio.
Okay, so circling back, if youwill.
Because I don't circle backenough in my daily work life.
So I think I don't either inthe evening as well.
So yeah.
Okay.
Sometimes I step back.
That's boring.
(13:08):
Circling back makes it fun.
I want to say thank you towhoever it is out there that
invented the zip stickers, thepimple stickers, the acne
stickers.
I don't know what's in them,but they're miraculous.
Unless, if I put them on atnight, I will wake up in the
(13:32):
morning and it's gone.
I feel like some nights my poorhusband looks at me and I look,
I have so many zip stickers onmy face.
It's like, I look like thecover of a Trapper Keeper from
when I was in elementary schooland I had all my stickers on it.
I can't really raise myeyebrows or have any facial
(13:52):
expressions or they'll startfalling off me.
It pulls a little bit, yeah.
It's real attractive.
Oh, it's stuck to my eyebrow.
Yeah.
Have you ever used them?
I have not, but my daughter hasused them.
Yeah, you have greatcomplexion.
Yeah.
You have a very wonderful, if Imay say it, that's not too
bold.
Stop it.
Mm-hmm.
(14:13):
Sadly, nobody can see.
They don't know.
What, what?
Sadly, nobody can see.
They don't know.
They don't know.
They don't know about yourscalp.
You know what?
We could have a whole bunch on.
We could do this with one ofthose face masks that foams, and
nobody would know.
I didn't know they have foamyface masks, but I've seen the
light up ones that look likerobots.
Oh, yeah.
(14:35):
Like the infrared light orwhatever.
LED light.
Yeah.
We should get one of those anddo next time.
No one will know.
No one will know.
No one will know what's underthere.
They won't know.
Nothing's going to help.
I'm just like, You know, yousee these beautiful actresses
who are so beautiful and so cuteand so wonderful, and they get
(14:56):
plastic surgery.
And I'm like, is there any hopefor me?
If these beautiful people aregetting plastic surgery because
they feel like they need anenhancement, forget it.
Forget it.
Like, I'm on a mission to justlove myself the way I am.
Dents and, you know, divots,demarcations.
(15:16):
indentions yeah i get it colorcolor gradients yeah i did
although so i was just kind ofletting you know whatever i
didn't work from home yeah youjust kind of let her go like you
say it's all elastic pants andstuff yeah and i don't even
(15:39):
color my hair anymore i'mletting it go gray except i feel
like this last couple monthslike with work i've gotten extra
gray
Speaker 02 (15:46):
So
Speaker 01 (15:48):
I just, I just proposed that they have to start
covering my hair dyeing as awork expense.
I think that's a, that is, thatshould fall under mental health
support.
Right.
Valid.
It's a valid request.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
And it ain't cheap to get yourhair dyed these days.
(16:09):
No.
I'm spending, I'm spending aridiculous, I'm thinking about
going back to the old clear outbox.
Getting one of them, rememberthem caps that you'd have to get
a crochet hook to pull them outof the little holes on your
head?
I just did that this summer tomy daughter.
She wanted her hair, like,highlighted.
Oh, my gosh.
That's a pain in the butt.
It seems like it would be easy,but it's not.
(16:29):
You can't get that throughthere.
No, it hurts, too.
It did.
Yeah, she was not a fan, and ittook a really, really long
time, and I said, I'm neverdoing it again, so.
Yeah, yeah.
I think my gal charges by thehour, because I'm usually there
for, like, six, seven hours.
Yeah.
But as with all other things inmy body, there's a lot of work
(16:49):
that needs to be done.
You know what I mean?
She got to roll up her sleeves.
She starts sweating at somepoint.
Does she stand back and you'relike, what's this going to cost
me?
The finance department.
What do I need to sign off on?
Here's the title to my car.
Yeah.
I got to get somebody to signoff to be a co-signer.
(17:12):
Yeah.
It's embarrassing.
And, you know, I got a bighead.
Right?
My God, can you imagine if shecame and, like, measured around
your head?
Nope.
Well, that's double the size ofa normal.
So I got to charge you twice.
Oh, I love it.
I love it.
I'd be in the same boat.
Yeah.
(17:33):
Well, you know, when you havethe kind of brains and mental
capacity that you have, Allie,it needs a...
It's like you're one ofthose...
artificial intelligence datawarehouses, you probably take a
lot of water.
I don't drink a lot of water.
That's so weird.
(17:54):
Now you're making me thinkabout it.
I do drink an excessive amountto keep my brain cool.
Except I drink a lot ofbourbon, so I think I'm just
killing off those weak ones.
I'm even more efficient.
Oh my gosh.
Yes.
Allie is the bourbon master.
She has quite the smorgasbord,as we've mentioned in prior
(18:19):
episodes.
For those of you that are new,just so you know, Allie is the
person.
For those just joining us.
Hashtag new customers.
Speaking of new customers, doyou know what really pees me
off?
Any cable provider who shallremain nameless, because there's
(18:43):
only two or three of them left.
I've been a customer of thiscable provider since the birth
of cable.
I have an rr.com email, whichharkens back to host AOL.
That doesn't even work, doesit?
It does.
Yes, it does.
(19:04):
I have been a customer to thatlong.
My bill just went up, so thenyou've got to do the whole kit
and caboodle.
Hey, I'm going to pull mybusiness.
You got to threaten them.
And then they move you to themanager.
Then you get hung up on.
Then you got to call back.
Then they transfer you to thisperson.
And I'm just like, why docompanies not give their
(19:29):
longest-term customers the verybest deal?
Why?
I have asked my mobile phoneprovider that same question.
But yeah, you're right, becausethere's no incentives for you
to stay.
It's a way to get new peopleversus getting you to stay,
which I would think retention iskey.
(19:52):
I mean, you're a sales guru.
You've been in this businessfor as long as I have, if not
longer.
I mean, 10 years because we'reyoung.
Right, true.
That's true.
We just graduated.
Good point.
But everybody knows it costsmore money to get new business.
(20:12):
So I don't understand it.
I mean, for example, ourmarriage.
Chad, your Chad, and my Jay,they get all the benefits of
being married to us for thelongest amount of time, right?
I mean, just so many throws, somany throws of being married to
us.
So what would we do?
(20:34):
Go marry some youngwhippersnapper and be a better
little loopy to those guys?
No, of course not.
Imagine how much work thatwould be.
Absolutely not.
Too much work, yeah.
Yeah, so shame on you all B2Cpeople, or B2B really, anybody.
Give your longest customers thebest rates.
(20:55):
And don't make me use coupons.
Don't make me go on digitalcoupons.
Get me started on that.
My gosh, I could rant for dayson that.
We could.
Because I don't understand if Ihave your loyalty card, why do
I need to do digital coupons ontop of that?
My loyalty card should beenough.
Yeah.
Don't make me sit here and tryto scan stuff.
(21:17):
For a while there, I was usingthis app where you had to
download your receipt and youget points until you get...
Yes.
I don't have time for that.
Stop it.
Done.
Stop it.
Oh, my gosh.
Okay.
Well, we are nearing our time.
We could talk for hours.
We could, we could.
We've barely scratched thesurface of these important
(21:37):
topics.
I did have one more on our listthat I feel like I don't want
to flush it down the toilet, ifyou will.
And it was about publicbathrooms and the nuances that
are changing in this new, wildand crazy AI world.
And I'm talking specificallyabout the hands-free journey in
(22:02):
the bathroom.
Can you tell me a little bit,Allie, about your viewpoints on
this?
Yeah.
You know, you're saying allthese nice things about me and
then you're hitting all of mytriggers, my trigger words, the
digital coupons.
And now we're into thesetouchless bathrooms.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm getting the soap.
Don't die.
I'm not touching that.
Right.
Cool.
Unknown (22:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (22:23):
But then I go and I put my hands under the thing and
the water doesn't come out.
Why?
Because it's not a touchlessfaucet.
So I got to turn the littleknobbies, which that doesn't
make any sense because now I gotsoap in my hands and that's
dumb.
Everybody knows turning theknobbies is going to cause
germs.
Yeah.
Then I go to get some papertowel.
And what do I got to do?
(22:43):
I got to turn the little knobbyon the side and it's not even
like a real turn thing.
It's like stuck in there.
And what if you have bigfingers?
You're not getting it in there.
You're not turning that.
You're not getting any papertowel.
And then it's like a three-inchpiece of paper towel.
Well, thanks.
I just got my pinky and my ringfinger.
Great.
Now I'm bleeding.
It's like a little terroristgoing through the whole roll.
(23:03):
Yeah.
I don't love it.
Oh, sure.
My experience as of late was ahands-free sheeting toilet.
Well...
It must be because I'm soskinny and thin and almost
(23:24):
iridescent, if that's the rightword, that when I am done and I
stand up and the toilet shouldsay, oh my, she has completed
her journey.
Let us flush so she may proceedwith her day.
And it doesn't.
And I'm standing thereawkwardly.
What am I going to do?
Just walk out?
What if it doesn't flush?
Then somebody's going to comein and say, look at this lady.
(23:46):
What a rude so and so.
So I can't do that.
And I'm standing there kind oflike, you know, swaying back and
forth, doing the Macarena in abathroom stall.
The person next to me is like,what's going on in here?
Nothing happens.
So now I've got to find thelittle tiny button to flush the
toilet, which is totally nastybecause they're, surely I'm not
(24:08):
the only person that's doingthis.
So other people have pressedthis little button, which is
kind of like a secret littleescape room button.
And this is before you've gonethrough the hands-free washing
of your hands.
I've not flushed it, right?
(24:29):
I'm annoyed.
I stand up, I open the door,and it flushes again.
Just to mock me.
(25:38):
everywhere.
Oh my gosh.
Well, Allie, it's as if no timehas passed.
I, I eagerly await the momentsthat I can run towards you
across traffic, like Froggerand, and we can embrace in
person and once again, betogether and just, just live out
(26:02):
our lives.
Yeah.
So like 2027, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, thanks Allie.
You are both funny and kind andI appreciate you and thanks for
being here.
And I can't wait till we dothis again.
(26:23):
Yes.
Awesome.
Goodbye everyone.
Speaker 00 (26:27):
Thank you for joining us on this episode of
The Funny Kind with your host,Erica Gumieny.
Be sure to subscribe now so youdon't miss any of the laughs or
inspiration.
And Erica wants to hear fromyou.
Be sure to reach out if youknow of someone Erica should
connect with as she continues totake us on a journey to find
kindness and light in everydayplaces.
Hello and welcome to another episode of The Funny
Kind with your host, EricaGumieny.
Get ready for some laughs andinspiration as Erica takes us on
a journey to find the kindnessand light in everyday places.
And now, without further ado,here's your host, Erica Gumieny.
Speaker 01 (00:20):
Well, I just have to say what an exciting day this
is for me.
I could hardly sleep lastnight.
because I've been so excitedfor our return of the Allie and
Erica show, copyrightforthcoming.
And I'm just so blessed towelcome Allie Hoffman here with
(00:43):
us again today.
Hi, Allie.
Well, hello, Erica.
How are you doing today?
Oh, my gosh, I'm so great.
Thanks for asking.
Allie and I have, it's been ahot minute since we've talked
and we've decided for purposesof ease and comfort to do these
(01:06):
at this moment in time, audiolyinstead of videoly.
And I feel for one that it'sbest for everybody not to see me
the way that I look right now.
I just feel like we've done theaudience a great service.
I mean, and honestly, let's beclear.
We only did it because of theconstruction.
We can't get to one another'shouses.
So we're like stranded on theselittle islands that are our
(01:29):
homes.
You know, Allie, I'm reallyglad that you brought that up.
Allie and I have known eachother for many years.
Our kids went to schooltogether and we've grown quite
close, both emotionally andgeographically.
If I had my druthers, I wouldbe able to sashay over to
Allie's house.
(01:49):
It would just take me but ahalf hour.
However, a year has passed andbecause of construction, we
haven't been able to see eachother.
Is that what you're saying?
Pretty much, yes.
I mean, we wanted to do this,you know, video-ly, which is
your new word, but we wereunable to because for me to get
(02:11):
to your place, I have to go byway of Illinois and then I got
to get on the ferry and Yeah.
To come over to get on theother side of the construction.
And it just, it's not doable.
I think the ferry launched.
I'm not 100% sure.
I didn't see it on the news.
I don't know what my optionsare.
Well, they did just take a boatout of a lake.
Maybe that was it.
Oh, I saw that.
(02:33):
Yes.
Maybe that's the one.
And you know what I'm excitedabout?
Speaking of Illinois, we usedto have this little plastic
transponder.
that would slide here and throwon my dashboard every time I
drove down to Illinois for theI-pass, but it expired.
(02:53):
So I had to go online and get anew one.
And they now have a stickerthat you can just put on the
back of your windshield.
Thank you very much.
So now at least we can use thatwhen trying to see each other.
But yeah, construction.
I don't understand it.
Everywhere you go, the road isclosed.
(03:16):
And I don't know where, I feellike it's the zombie apocalypse
because I drive by and there'scones and there's lanes closed,
but there's nobody workingthere.
Where are they?
What happened?
I'm worried about them.
Does their family know wherethey are?
Do we need like a 10 o'clockp.m.
announcement?
Oh my gosh, is it like thatshow that, what is it, Manifest,
(03:38):
where like they were on theplane and the plane disappears
for like five years and thenthey
Speaker 02 (03:42):
come
Speaker 01 (03:42):
back?
See?
See?
They're in like some alternateuniverse.
Yeah.
I feel like you would be areally great project manager for
this kind of work, where youwould be able to get the
construction workers, theelectricians, the plumbers, the
cement mixers, the linepainters, The grass digger
(04:05):
outers.
I mean, I don't want to get tootechnical.
Obviously.
But for you to be able to justorchestrate all of that, I feel
like you would shine.
Surely somebody's doing allthat, which is why it's such a,
I don't even know what acluster.
(04:27):
I think by the time I'm agrandparent or
great-grandparent, it'll be alldone.
It could be close.
Yeah.
Speaker 02 (04:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (04:37):
Okay.
So other than construction,Allie, it's been almost a year
since we've done one of these.
And I just, it makes me sadthat the world has been feeling
such angst and sadness withoutyour humor in the world.
I think that maybe that's whateverybody's talking about.
Unknown (04:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (04:59):
Are you saying we could have like affected the
whole world if we weren't off?
Shame on us.
Yeah, you're like a butterflywing, man.
You have that kind of impact.
That is putting a lot of unduestress on me now.
Like, oh man, we really wreckedthis.
Well, to whom much is given,much is expected, you know?
(05:22):
Yeah.
So what you been doing allyear?
other than trying to traverseHighway 100.
Like Frogger, just helping thebest.
Nothing, haven't done anything.
Been super boring.
Just working, which, you know,super boring.
(05:44):
Yeah, and let's see, what else?
I don't know.
Got a little kid, moving along.
Yeah, graduation's coming up.
You just had a graduation.
so crazy i i just feel likethey're like i don't i they're
getting old and we're gettingyounger how i know how i i feel
(06:08):
like i i i look at other peoplewho have children our age and
they seem so much older i and idon't mean to be judgmental and
yet i feel so young and dry it'sYou know what it is?
We're probably wherever thoseconstruction workers are, right?
We disappeared for like fiveyears and we don't even know.
(06:28):
That's why.
Yeah.
I feel that way until I use mymagnifying mirror in the
bathroom.
And then, then that's where I,my, I got to face the fact that
the aging process is indeedoccurring.
And any hair that I wantplucked from my, from my
eyebrows has now disappeared.
(06:50):
somehow genetically moved ontomy chin.
It's trying to find a lessobtrusive place.
It's like, okay, you didn'twant me here.
Let me try here.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They're fast.
It's like crabgrass on yourface.
It's like you look one day,they're gone.
Next day, there's more.
(07:12):
It's like, oh, I don'tunderstand.
Did I just pluck that?
Apparently not.
Does it grow an inch?
Well, then you look in thatmagnifying mirror, and it does
look super long, and you'relike, how do people not just
point at me and laugh?
Right.
And your fingers cramp,tweezing them.
Then you're like, all right, Igot it.
And then, heaven forbid, youlook to the left.
(07:33):
Then there's a whole other cropthat popped up.
Yeah.
And this is who I am now.
This is what I talk about withmy friend Ellie.
It's so sad.
It is.
It is pretty sad.
Yeah.
I do really enjoy, I took mydaughter's magnifying mirror,
like, and it's so magnified thatI don't even need to wear my
(07:55):
glasses with it.
Yeah.
But then you realize how bigyour pores are and stuff too.
And then you're like, should Ido something about that?
That's probably not right.
But what do you do?
And then I'm up in themornings, you know, and I'm
walking on my treadmill and thenthere's Bobby Brown and she's
talking about her makeup andstuff.
And I'm like, does it just fillthose holes?
Yeah.
(08:15):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, evidently the new, Idon't know if it's new, but the
word that my algorithm keepstelling me about is serum,
serum, serum, serum, serum.
I'm like, okay.
So it's like, I am so lowmaintenance.
I've got time to apply lots ofstuff upon me.
I just don't.
(08:35):
So that's why audio is the waywe go now.
And I've now moved intoheadshots of cartoons.
That's how I'm going to belooking like a cartoon character
from now on.
No one will know what I reallylook like.
No one will.
Yeah.
This way now, with thepopular...
(08:56):
popularity of this, you can goout in public and not get mobbed
by people.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my gosh.
Finally, the paparazzi willleave me alone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So that's good for you ingeneral, because I mean, it's a
good thing we took that yearbreak.
So people kind of forgot andnow you just come back as a
voice and they're like, what didthat Erica look like?
(09:16):
Oh my gosh.
Who are these angelic voicesthat I hear from my car radio
speakers?
Unknown (09:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (09:23):
And I'm just going to say, you know how they say,
you have a face for TV or youhave a voice for radio.
Nobody's ever said either tome.
I'm pretty certain I have aterrible voice, and I apologize
to all of the listeners now.
Yeah.
Well, I feel like if somebodytried to take a police sketch,
(09:47):
to make a police sketch of mebased on my voice, it would not
make me feel good about myself.
It would
Speaker 02 (09:55):
feel
Speaker 01 (09:56):
bad.
Be like, am I smoking, like,how many cigarettes am I smoking
a day?
Is it normal that people wearthat much elastic on their
pants?
Like, what?
After a certain age, I thinkso.
What department am I shoppingfor over here at JCPenney's or
something?
Oh my gosh.
(10:18):
You know, you can put likepictures of your dog and like
chat GPT and say, what would helook like as a cartoon or
whatever?
Or what would he look like as ahuman?
That kind of fun stuff.
Like, wouldn't it be cool ifyou could do that?
Like what?
I'm going to talk to you, chatGPT, and you tell me what I
(10:38):
would look like based on myvoice.
Wow.
Oh my God.
I don't think I could.
Future enhancement.
I don't think my self-esteem isso fragile.
I think it would put me into asevere depression if I saw,
based on the sound of my voice,what would I look like?
Or if I was a dog, what would Ilook like?
(10:59):
No.
I have friends that would becute little Pomeranian.
I'd be like the world's ugliestpug.
Eyes look a different way.
A real raspy bark.
I'd be the overweight bassethound, like my hair's just
hanging down, looking tired,fangs under my eyes.
(11:20):
For our next episode, I willturn us into dog cartoon
versions of ourselves.
Every episode we do from nowon, listeners, get excited.
Coming soon, other cartoonypictures of Allie and Erica.
Yeah.
It's all different things.
There was something else wewere chatting about that I
(11:42):
didn't, the other day, perhapsearlier today, I can't recall.
Because now, because of theconstructional distance, we can
only communicate via textcarrier pigeons and dump
seagulls that fly over in themorning.
Yes.
We live near a dump, notscarily near.
(12:07):
but near enough that I'm likeseagulls.
We don't live by a sea.
Why are there seagulls flyingover my house all the time?
They're going to the dump.
You're by a lake.
Not really.
I mean, it's not that far away.
I mean, seagulls are birds,man.
They can fly all over theplace.
Flying from the lakefront toFranklin's like no big deal.
(12:27):
I'm there.
They don't have to pay tolls.
They don't have to get theirtoll stickers out.
And they don't have to stop atstoplights.
They don't have to take thecircuitous route.
No, they just shoot whereverthey want to.
They're like, I'm going to gostraight that way.
As the crow flies or as theseagull flies.
Oh, they just got to watch outfor Fabio on a roller coaster.
(12:48):
Did you ever see that video?
Poor Fabio.
Okay, so circling back, if youwill.
Because I don't circle backenough in my daily work life.
So I think I don't either inthe evening as well.
So yeah.
Okay.
Sometimes I step back.
That's boring.
(13:08):
Circling back makes it fun.
I want to say thank you towhoever it is out there that
invented the zip stickers, thepimple stickers, the acne
stickers.
I don't know what's in them,but they're miraculous.
Unless, if I put them on atnight, I will wake up in the
(13:32):
morning and it's gone.
I feel like some nights my poorhusband looks at me and I look,
I have so many zip stickers onmy face.
It's like, I look like thecover of a Trapper Keeper from
when I was in elementary schooland I had all my stickers on it.
I can't really raise myeyebrows or have any facial
(13:52):
expressions or they'll startfalling off me.
It pulls a little bit, yeah.
It's real attractive.
Oh, it's stuck to my eyebrow.
Yeah.
Have you ever used them?
I have not, but my daughter hasused them.
Yeah, you have greatcomplexion.
Yeah.
You have a very wonderful, if Imay say it, that's not too
bold.
Stop it.
Mm-hmm.
(14:13):
Sadly, nobody can see.
They don't know.
What, what?
Sadly, nobody can see.
They don't know.
They don't know.
They don't know about yourscalp.
You know what?
We could have a whole bunch on.
We could do this with one ofthose face masks that foams, and
nobody would know.
I didn't know they have foamyface masks, but I've seen the
light up ones that look likerobots.
Oh, yeah.
(14:35):
Like the infrared light orwhatever.
LED light.
Yeah.
We should get one of those anddo next time.
No one will know.
No one will know.
No one will know what's underthere.
They won't know.
Nothing's going to help.
I'm just like, You know, yousee these beautiful actresses
who are so beautiful and so cuteand so wonderful, and they get
(14:56):
plastic surgery.
And I'm like, is there any hopefor me?
If these beautiful people aregetting plastic surgery because
they feel like they need anenhancement, forget it.
Forget it.
Like, I'm on a mission to justlove myself the way I am.
Dents and, you know, divots,demarcations.
(15:16):
indentions yeah i get it colorcolor gradients yeah i did
although so i was just kind ofletting you know whatever i
didn't work from home yeah youjust kind of let her go like you
say it's all elastic pants andstuff yeah and i don't even
(15:39):
color my hair anymore i'mletting it go gray except i feel
like this last couple monthslike with work i've gotten extra
gray
Speaker 02 (15:46):
So
Speaker 01 (15:48):
I just, I just proposed that they have to start
covering my hair dyeing as awork expense.
I think that's a, that is, thatshould fall under mental health
support.
Right.
Valid.
It's a valid request.
Yeah, it is.
Yeah.
And it ain't cheap to get yourhair dyed these days.
(16:09):
No.
I'm spending, I'm spending aridiculous, I'm thinking about
going back to the old clear outbox.
Getting one of them, rememberthem caps that you'd have to get
a crochet hook to pull them outof the little holes on your
head?
I just did that this summer tomy daughter.
She wanted her hair, like,highlighted.
Oh, my gosh.
That's a pain in the butt.
It seems like it would be easy,but it's not.
(16:29):
You can't get that throughthere.
No, it hurts, too.
It did.
Yeah, she was not a fan, and ittook a really, really long
time, and I said, I'm neverdoing it again, so.
Yeah, yeah.
I think my gal charges by thehour, because I'm usually there
for, like, six, seven hours.
Yeah.
But as with all other things inmy body, there's a lot of work
(16:49):
that needs to be done.
You know what I mean?
She got to roll up her sleeves.
She starts sweating at somepoint.
Does she stand back and you'relike, what's this going to cost
me?
The finance department.
What do I need to sign off on?
Here's the title to my car.
Yeah.
I got to get somebody to signoff to be a co-signer.
(17:12):
Yeah.
It's embarrassing.
And, you know, I got a bighead.
Right?
My God, can you imagine if shecame and, like, measured around
your head?
Nope.
Well, that's double the size ofa normal.
So I got to charge you twice.
Oh, I love it.
I love it.
I'd be in the same boat.
Yeah.
(17:33):
Well, you know, when you havethe kind of brains and mental
capacity that you have, Allie,it needs a...
It's like you're one ofthose...
artificial intelligence datawarehouses, you probably take a
lot of water.
I don't drink a lot of water.
That's so weird.
(17:54):
Now you're making me thinkabout it.
I do drink an excessive amountto keep my brain cool.
Except I drink a lot ofbourbon, so I think I'm just
killing off those weak ones.
I'm even more efficient.
Oh my gosh.
Yes.
Allie is the bourbon master.
She has quite the smorgasbord,as we've mentioned in prior
(18:19):
episodes.
For those of you that are new,just so you know, Allie is the
person.
For those just joining us.
Hashtag new customers.
Speaking of new customers, doyou know what really pees me
off?
Any cable provider who shallremain nameless, because there's
(18:43):
only two or three of them left.
I've been a customer of thiscable provider since the birth
of cable.
I have an rr.com email, whichharkens back to host AOL.
That doesn't even work, doesit?
It does.
Yes, it does.
(19:04):
I have been a customer to thatlong.
My bill just went up, so thenyou've got to do the whole kit
and caboodle.
Hey, I'm going to pull mybusiness.
You got to threaten them.
And then they move you to themanager.
Then you get hung up on.
Then you got to call back.
Then they transfer you to thisperson.
And I'm just like, why docompanies not give their
(19:29):
longest-term customers the verybest deal?
Why?
I have asked my mobile phoneprovider that same question.
But yeah, you're right, becausethere's no incentives for you
to stay.
It's a way to get new peopleversus getting you to stay,
which I would think retention iskey.
(19:52):
I mean, you're a sales guru.
You've been in this businessfor as long as I have, if not
longer.
I mean, 10 years because we'reyoung.
Right, true.
That's true.
We just graduated.
Good point.
But everybody knows it costsmore money to get new business.
(20:12):
So I don't understand it.
I mean, for example, ourmarriage.
Chad, your Chad, and my Jay,they get all the benefits of
being married to us for thelongest amount of time, right?
I mean, just so many throws, somany throws of being married to
us.
So what would we do?
(20:34):
Go marry some youngwhippersnapper and be a better
little loopy to those guys?
No, of course not.
Imagine how much work thatwould be.
Absolutely not.
Too much work, yeah.
Yeah, so shame on you all B2Cpeople, or B2B really, anybody.
Give your longest customers thebest rates.
(20:55):
And don't make me use coupons.
Don't make me go on digitalcoupons.
Get me started on that.
My gosh, I could rant for dayson that.
We could.
Because I don't understand if Ihave your loyalty card, why do
I need to do digital coupons ontop of that?
My loyalty card should beenough.
Yeah.
Don't make me sit here and tryto scan stuff.
(21:17):
For a while there, I was usingthis app where you had to
download your receipt and youget points until you get...
Yes.
I don't have time for that.
Stop it.
Done.
Stop it.
Oh, my gosh.
Okay.
Well, we are nearing our time.
We could talk for hours.
We could, we could.
We've barely scratched thesurface of these important
(21:37):
topics.
I did have one more on our listthat I feel like I don't want
to flush it down the toilet, ifyou will.
And it was about publicbathrooms and the nuances that
are changing in this new, wildand crazy AI world.
And I'm talking specificallyabout the hands-free journey in
(22:02):
the bathroom.
Can you tell me a little bit,Allie, about your viewpoints on
this?
Yeah.
You know, you're saying allthese nice things about me and
then you're hitting all of mytriggers, my trigger words, the
digital coupons.
And now we're into thesetouchless bathrooms.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm getting the soap.
Don't die.
I'm not touching that.
Right.
Cool.
Unknown (22:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 01 (22:23):
But then I go and I put my hands under the thing and
the water doesn't come out.
Why?
Because it's not a touchlessfaucet.
So I got to turn the littleknobbies, which that doesn't
make any sense because now I gotsoap in my hands and that's
dumb.
Everybody knows turning theknobbies is going to cause
germs.
Yeah.
Then I go to get some papertowel.
And what do I got to do?
(22:43):
I got to turn the little knobbyon the side and it's not even
like a real turn thing.
It's like stuck in there.
And what if you have bigfingers?
You're not getting it in there.
You're not turning that.
You're not getting any papertowel.
And then it's like a three-inchpiece of paper towel.
Well, thanks.
I just got my pinky and my ringfinger.
Great.
Now I'm bleeding.
It's like a little terroristgoing through the whole roll.
(23:03):
Yeah.
I don't love it.
Oh, sure.
My experience as of late was ahands-free sheeting toilet.
Well...
It must be because I'm soskinny and thin and almost
(23:24):
iridescent, if that's the rightword, that when I am done and I
stand up and the toilet shouldsay, oh my, she has completed
her journey.
Let us flush so she may proceedwith her day.
And it doesn't.
And I'm standing thereawkwardly.
What am I going to do?
Just walk out?
What if it doesn't flush?
Then somebody's going to comein and say, look at this lady.
(23:46):
What a rude so and so.
So I can't do that.
And I'm standing there kind oflike, you know, swaying back and
forth, doing the Macarena in abathroom stall.
The person next to me is like,what's going on in here?
Nothing happens.
So now I've got to find thelittle tiny button to flush the
toilet, which is totally nastybecause they're, surely I'm not
(24:08):
the only person that's doingthis.
So other people have pressedthis little button, which is
kind of like a secret littleescape room button.
And this is before you've gonethrough the hands-free washing
of your hands.
I've not flushed it, right?
(24:29):
I'm annoyed.
I stand up, I open the door,and it flushes again.
Just to mock me.
(25:38):
everywhere.
Oh my gosh.
Well, Allie, it's as if no timehas passed.
I, I eagerly await the momentsthat I can run towards you
across traffic, like Froggerand, and we can embrace in
person and once again, betogether and just, just live out
(26:02):
our lives.
Yeah.
So like 2027, I think.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, thanks Allie.
You are both funny and kind andI appreciate you and thanks for
being here.
And I can't wait till we dothis again.
(26:23):
Yes.
Awesome.
Goodbye everyone.
Speaker 00 (26:27):
Thank you for joining us on this episode of
The Funny Kind with your host,Erica Gumieny.
Be sure to subscribe now so youdon't miss any of the laughs or
inspiration.
And Erica wants to hear fromyou.
Be sure to reach out if youknow of someone Erica should
connect with as she continues totake us on a journey to find
kindness and light in everydayplaces.
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