15. That Sounds Like A You Problem

In this solo episode, Ellen Whitlock Baker takes on one of the sneakiest forms of self-sabotage at work: people-pleasing. Especially when it comes wrapped in the flattery of a “you’re next for promotion” promise—with none of the pay or power to match. If you’ve ever been told you’re being “groomed” for leadership but asked to keep doing the extra work without compensation, this one’s for you.

Ellen shares real-world scripts, a spicy mindset shift ("That sounds like a you problem!"), and three actionable options for those dealing with performative promotions—especially in under-resourced workplaces. Plus, a deep dive into why people-pleasing is so common for women, public sector workers, and those socialized to avoid conflict at all costs.

You’ll hear strategies to hold your boundaries without guilt, protect your time and energy, and respond to that late-night Slack message with confidence (and maybe a little sass). Spoiler: It’s okay if not everyone likes you. Also discussed: white supremacy culture, trauma responses, and why your self-worth is not up for negotiation.

Episode Links:

• Submit an anonymous AMA question about work
  Have a tricky work situation or boundary challenge? Ask anonymously and Ellen might answer it on the show.

• Tema Okun’s White Supremacy Culture site
  A thoughtful, nuanced look at the characteristics of white supremacy culture that show up in our workplaces—and how to challenge them.

• Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

  • Book info & purchase link

• The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban

  • Book info & purchase link