Episode Transcript
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(00:01):
Picture this. You're rocking in a faded beach
chair that's seen better decades, toes digging into warm
sand, drink in hand that tastes like mango and rum made
mischief. No emails, no clocks, no push
notifications, yelling be more, do more, post more.
(00:26):
Just the sea breeze, your heartbeat and the soft truth
floating in on a tide that maybejoy is something that never
needed chasing. Maybe it's been here all along,
lounging in the shade, waiting for you to sit down and pause
long enough to notice. Welcome to the latitude
(00:50):
adjustment. It's time to stop drifting and
start navigating by your own inner compass.
The life you're looking for isn't out there.
It's in motion right now. Get ready to step off the map
with your hosts, Erica and RustyHarrison.
This episode, we're calling bullshit on the Great Happiness
Hustle. Say it loud, say it proud.
(01:12):
You don't find joy by chasing it, you find it when you finally
stop running. Welcome back to the Latitude
Adjustment and Aging Heroes podcast.
We're your island Renegades. Erica, That's me and Rusty and
today's Myth on the Chopping Block.
It's that you've got to pursue happiness to earn it.
(01:35):
OK, now that's a nasty little trap with a devilish smile,
right? OK, let's name what we're really
up against here. We're living in a dopamine drunk
culture that sells happiness like a beach timeshare.
It's one more product, one more job title, and one more
perfectly lit selfie. And then you'll get your joy.
(01:58):
Yeah, all right. So, hedonic adaptation.
Oh, OK, hold on. Those are two pretty big words.
Yeah. Give it to us one more time.
Hedonic means, you know, happiness, joy, joy.
Love, love. Adaptation means you get used to
it. Right.
Groovy. It's the brain's way of making
excitement fade fast. Sweet.
(02:18):
I'm learning things here. It's why the thrill of a new car
vanishes, A promotion loses its sparkle, and that honeymoon glow
turns into Seriously, why are your socks here again?
We acclimate, and we acclimate fast.
And then immediately we begin tochase the next fix.
(02:38):
OK, I'm just keeping it a buck. The pursuit of happiness is just
capitalism wearing a Halo. The more we chase, the more they
sell. Which means the more we miss the
actual good stuff, the now stuff, that sacred stillness in
a cup of coffee, the crack up laughter triggered when you
(03:00):
catch your partner singing to the dog.
Erica who? Me.
The quiet relief of being exactly who you are, unfiltered
and unedited. I've seen it happen.
So folks show up to a session that I'm leading tight as a
tennis racket. They're stressed, selfie ready,
though. But you know, once a safe space
(03:21):
is created and we start to lean in with authenticity and
vulnerability, the armor begins to peel off.
I remember seeing a woman duringmy travels.
She was standing barefoot in theocean at sunrise.
She was alone. She had her arms open, not
posing, just being. And as she returned, I remember
(03:42):
she paused where I was standing and said, and I think this is
the first time I felt anything in months.
She smiled. I smiled.
Joy's not a. Goal No.
It's not earned, No, it's accessed.
It's already there underneath the North.
The DIY joy trap. Let's talk about that.
(04:05):
We've both done it. You create this whole list in
your head. When I lose 10 lbs, when I get
this promotion, when I finally feel confident in my swimsuit,
then I'll be happy. The real shift comes when we
stop chasing joy like a butterfly and start making space
or it to land. I like that.
(04:26):
Yes, space means stillness and stillness is rebellion in this
loud ass world. Love it.
Stillness says I'm enough as is.Even with back pain, even with
unmet goals, even with your retirement looking more hammock
and less yacht. All right, so it's time to drop
(04:49):
the anchor. Rusty and I have this ritual
now. We find a quiet place with a
view, and we sit. 10 minutes. No agenda, no talking, sometimes
no pants. And we just are.
We just be. You don't need pants to find
peace, folks. No.
(05:09):
But seriously, that quiet time? It's like hitting reset on your
nervous system. You start noticing what's
meaningful, what's truly important.
And sometimes what's broken? Both are holy.
One afternoon I came home and I curled up on the seat of my car
and I just cried. Not because anything bad had
(05:32):
happened, but because I had ground myself into the ground
trying to take care of everyone else.
And for the umpteenth time, I had put myself on the back
burner. And I remember when I walked
inside, Rusty, you just sat beside me.
You didn't say anything, you just breathed with me.
(05:55):
And in that breath, joy drifted in like the smoke from incense.
It was subtle, unassuming, but there.
Drift happens. Anchor anyway.
Aging heroes don't pretend life is always pretty hell, someday
is joy. Feels like a rumor.
But when we've learned to anchoranyway, to drop a line deep into
(06:19):
the present and trust that joy is swimming somewhere beneath
the surface. We don't hustle for happiness.
We host it. We make room at the table, pour
it a drink, and if it doesn't show up today, we don't panic.
We trust it'll drift back in on its own tide.
(06:40):
All right, that said, it's time for Aging Heroes challenge #1
sit with the breeze. I love a challenge.
Let's issue it. So this week everybody, your
mission is radically simple. Find your quiet place. 10
(07:01):
minutes, sit, no phone, no performance, no problem solving.
Just listen to your breath and the world around you.
Let joy find you. Not as a prize, as a presence.
And if your brain screams this is pointless, just smile and say
(07:22):
yeah, that's how I know it's working.
It's time for a Segment 1 recap.Driftwood Truths.
What do you say? Let's do it.
OK, Number one, happiness isn't something you chase, it's
something you notice. #2 Stillness is how joy sneaks back
in. #3 presence is not passive, it's a radical act. 4 You are
(07:47):
enough without another damn upgrade.
And five, joy is already here, so stop running past it.
Coming up next in Segment 2, we're flipping more myths like
you should be happy all the timeand success equals fulfillment.
Slight spoiler, They're as hollow as a dollar store pinata.
(08:09):
We'll show you. How to stop performing and start
being? All right, all you love birds
and late bloomers, you made it through the 1st myth.
(08:31):
This idea that happiness is a reward you earn from hustle,
that you've got to chase it likeit's a beach umbrella tumbling
down the shore in a thunderstorm.
You ever actually chase a beach umbrella?
Hell no. OK, fine, maybe once in a
sarong, but I'm sure it was not graceful.
(08:52):
I bet it was glorious. But here's the thing.
We've been sold a sandy bag of lies about joy.
Today, we're flipping the scripton the three biggest myths about
happiness, and they're sneakier than you think.
So myth #1 you should be happy all the time.
This one is the monster under the bed of modern life, it
(09:16):
whispers. If you're not smiling, you're
failing all. Right.
Let me put it bluntly. Give it to us bluntly.
If someone's happy all the time,they're either heavily medicated
or deeply in denial. Real life is a full spectrum of
emotions. Exactly.
I had a friend, financially successful, a marathoner,
(09:39):
Instagram, perfect family. She came to me in a puddle of
burnout, she said. I feel like I'm broken, I have
everything and I still cry in the car.
That sure sounds like me, huh? Well, it sounds like there's a
crying in the car theme going onthis show.
That's it's not broken. No, that's just honest.
(10:02):
Right, so that's what I told her.
Grief and gratitude can hold hands.
Feeling off doesn't mean you're off track, It just means you're
awake. In my psychology classes, we
used to talk about emotional granularity.
Oh, I love that emotional granularity.
Yeah, it's the ability to name and feel a full range of
(10:24):
emotions. Beautiful.
That's not dysfunctional. That's strength training for the
soul. You want to age like a hero?
Learn to honor the whole playlist.
Joy, sorrow, wonder, rage. They're all valid and all
sacred. Tell it baby.
All right, myth #2. What is it?
(10:44):
Success will make you happy. Ah yes, the old if I just get
blank scam. You know this one, friends.
When I finally retire, I'll be happy when the kids move out,
when I buy that lake house. Or my personal favorite, when I
lose 20 lbs, I'll be happy. I've lost those same £20 more
(11:09):
times than I've had birthdays. And guess what?
What? My knees still crack and cheez
its still call. You're not knocking ambition.
We love growth, but let's not confuse achievement with
alignment. One's external, the other's
internal. Yeah, that reminds me of my
buddy from college. You mean your buddy from college
(11:31):
named Buddy? His name was Buddy, as a matter
of fact. What a coincidence.
He was a straight A student, a high achiever.
Dude got a big paying job beforethe rest of us could afford to
pay our light bill. You know where he ended up.
Please say a sailboat in the Bahamas.
I wish. Nope.
In a hospital with a stress induced ulcer wondering why his
(11:53):
life still felt like a treadmilland a thunderstorm.
Success didn't soothe the soul. Because it wasn't his success,
it was a script. That's it.
If your wins don't feel like a homecoming, they're not your
wins. They're just trophies for
someone else's shelf. Well said.
Myth #3 Happiness is a personal responsibility.
(12:17):
OK, this one's got some sharp edges.
Yeah, it's the one that sneaks in, wrapped in Bootstrap slogans
and Instagram quotes with a pinksunrise behind them.
Chase joy, good vibes, only manifest your destiny.
Look, we believe in mindset. Yes we do.
But let's be real, if your roof's leaking, your dog just
(12:40):
died, and the doctor just used the word terminal telling you to
just be happy, that is spiritualgaslighting.
Joy is possible, but it's not a moral obligation, right?
You are allowed to be sad, angry, confused.
I remember when I had to put ourfive year old Pitbull, Bort to
(13:04):
sleep due to an incurable spinalinfection.
I was drinking bourbon at noon and ugly crying in the shower.
My grief was so intense that it embarrassed me.
It took me months to find my wayback to meaning.
And you know what? It didn't come from forcing
myself to smile. It came from finally sitting
(13:26):
still long enough to feel a fullrange of emotions.
Yeah, healing doesn't come from pressure.
It comes from presence. OK, let me tell you about last
year in Panama. We were staying on Isla
Bastimento and one morning grabbed my camera and I went for
a walk. No shoot plan, no real goal in
mind. We were out there like some
(13:48):
barefoot jungle ninja. I was.
You're right. I followed this overgrown trail
that led to this little inlet, just trees and birds and light
dancing on the water. And I realized in the moment I
was in a state of gratitude and joy.
Not because of anything I had done, but because I had just
(14:11):
stopped doing. That's the paradox, right?
Stillness is the doorway. Not productivity, not proof,
just being. We spend so much of our lives
trying to deserve joy, but what if it's been waiting patiently
like a cat on the porch this whole time?
All right, crew, time for check in.
(14:32):
What definition of happiness areyou still following?
That's not even yours. Is it your parents version?
Your, your church's version? Society's version?
Who? Told you you needed to be happy
to be worthy, said rest. Was lazy.
Who convinced you joy has to be earned?
So think of those things and then write it down.
(14:54):
Burn it if you need to, because real joy doesn't come from
perfection, it comes from permission.
Preach, baby. All right, here's Aging Heroes
challenge #2 The Unlearning. This week, we dare you to
unlearn one happiness myth you've been dragging around.
(15:18):
Maybe it's the belief that your worth is tied to your
productivity, or that you can't be joyful if someone else is
suffering, or that your happiness has to look like a
Hallmark commercial. Name it, dismantle it, and then
do one tiny thing that makes your soul smile.
Not because it's useful, impressive or shareable, but
(15:39):
because it's true. Sit on your porch, dance
barefoot, eat the cookie. Say no without guilt.
Let joy be your being, not your brand.
OK, let's do a segment to recap.You ready?
Yeah #1 Myth. You should be happy all the
time. Truth.
You should be real all the time.#2 Myth.
(16:03):
Success equals happiness. Truth alignment equals joy. #3
Myth Joy is your duty. Truth Joy is your birthright.
You don't have to perform joy, You just have to stop
barricading the door. Coming up next, the stillness
practice. In Segment 3, we'll dive into
(16:26):
what it really means to live anchored in presence.
We're talking about sunsets without selfies, mornings
without metrics, and the radicalact of simply being.
And trust me, it's not boring, it's brave.
Stay tuned, edging heroes. The treasure isn't buried, is in
the breeze. All right, friends, we've done
(16:58):
the myth busting. We've ditched the hustle.
Now let's talk about the part that scares people more than
failure or Cellulite stillness. The word stillness makes a lot
of folks twitchy. They hear it and picture some
monk in linen meditating in a candlelit cave while whales sing
(17:19):
in the background. But stillness isn't some
mystical luxury. It's survival.
It's resistance. It's you choosing not to be
chewed up by the grind. Oh.
Exactly. Stillness is where we remember
who we are underneath all that striving.
It's where Joy stops running from us and curls up in our lap
(17:42):
and purrs like a kitten. All right, let me tell you about
one of the best afternoons of mylife.
And it wasn't a party. No, there was no champagne.
Oh damn. No big wins, just me and Erica
anchored in our sailboat Gatsby.I'm in love.
Yeah. The breeze had just enough sass
to keep the wind chimes singing,and the sky looked like melted
(18:07):
sapphires. We weren't talking much.
No. We were just being watching the
horizon do its slow striptease into sunset.
No phones, no music. And in that silence, something
opened that deep, cellular kind of peace that you can't fake.
The kind that doesn't say I should be happy, it just is.
(18:32):
That's stillness. That's joy that doesn't need
applause. Why we avoid stillness Here's
the kicker though. Most of us don't trust
stillness. We avoid it like it owes us
money. Because when we get quiet, the
noise in our heads gets laughed.Sometimes it shouts and screams
(18:55):
the meltdown. All the old fears show up like
uninvited dinner guests. Oh, you know the ones.
You're wasting time. You should be doing something
productive. You're falling behind.
I used to think if I slowed down, everything would fall
apart, but what really fell apart was the illusion that I
(19:15):
needed to be impressive all the time.
Wow, right? Stillness is the moment you
realize you've been juggling flaming expectations and the
only one who told you to do it was you.
And maybe your Mama. And maybe your Mama.
And maybe capitalism and that one ex who said you were a
(19:36):
little much. Burn Aaron.
Karen strikes again. Let me offer you a radical
suggestion. What if nothing is sacred?
No, really. What if doing nothing is exactly
what your soul needs? Yeah, we treat rest like it's a
reward, a thing we earn after we've drained ourselves dry.
(20:00):
But what if we made it the starting point?
Oh yeah, stillness isn't lazy. It's listening.
It's where your body catches up to your spirit.
It's the pregame show for Insight.
Oh, I love that. Yeah, I've never had a decent
epiphany while doom scrolling, but give me a port swing, a
(20:25):
glass of iced tea, and five uninterrupted minutes.
Boom, enlightenment. And here's the best part.
You don't have to go anywhere tofind stillness.
It doesn't cost you anything either.
You need a chair, a breath and the guts to sit with yourself.
(20:47):
Love it. Micro stillness moments.
Here's the thing, we're not asking you to turn into a mock.
Stillness doesn't mean silence, it just means presence.
OK, micro stillness is my jam. It's those in between moments
that most people blow right paststirring your coffee and
(21:10):
actually smelling it. It's watching the birds fly over
a grape, sitting in your car after you park and not checking
your phone. That really is you.
Yeah. One of my favorites.
Letting the shower water hit your back and not planning your
day. Just water, warmth, skin.
(21:32):
Done. I can feel it.
I'm just as you said it. I'm just absorbing it in
starting to melt. Stillness is where life happens.
Not the loud kind. The meaningful kind.
All right, here's the real story.
Surfing the channel. You know, sometimes presence
doesn't mean stillness. It means moving with the chaos
(21:54):
instead of fighting it. I learned that the hard way
while surfing in Bocas del Toro.Here's one for the Bucs.
Oh yeah, that was the day. We thought we were signing up
for a chill beach lesson but gottossed into open been ocean
waves instead. Exactly.
We were expecting a gentle wage from the shore, but instead they
(22:15):
dropped us in the middle of the channel.
Huge waves breaking sideways, nothing but open water and coral
reefs. I was nervous, but I couldn't
let it show, mostly because Erica was way out of her comfort
zone too. I was a little terrified, right?
I've I've got a thing with water.
We all know it. We'll talk about that on another
(22:36):
episode. But I couldn't back out.
That's not me. I love a challenge.
So I'm just thinking psych yourself up for it and give it a
try. The current was brutal.
Just paddling out was like sprinting uphill.
I kept losing my balance and toppling over, and then it was
my turn to catch a wave. The instructor told me to go for
(22:59):
it. I didn't even look behind me, I
just pushed forward. That's when it hit.
Literally. Funny, not funny.
So I should probably take 5 and say that instructor was really
incredible. I mean, he, he really was.
He really was. It was dynamite.
(23:20):
He was kind of hot, but I didn't.
Notice that. I remember looking over and that
wave literally swallowed you whole.
I thought you were going to comeup like super ready to quit.
But when I finally broke the surface, coughing up seawater
and fighting the next wave, I had this weird calm realization
(23:44):
I was not going to conquer the ocean.
Interesting. I just had to move with it, ride
it out. So I stopped fighting.
I found my rhythm and let the water do its thing.
By the end I did not manage to stand up on a surfboard.
And that's OK. But I wasn't wiped out either.
I was just there in the middle of it all.
So that actually makes for a really great story because I
(24:07):
know people ask us all the time about Panama and when we go to
Bocas del Toro. And one of our favorite things
is to share that story of surfing for a vast many reasons.
One, because it provides great humor, but it also talks about
presence, right? You know, when you're moving
with the chaos instead of battling it, That's what that's
(24:30):
all about. You didn't win against the wave,
but you didn't let it take you under either.
That's. It yeah, sometimes you just have
to trust that being in motion, however messy, keeps you in the
game. O aging heroes, it's time for
challenge #3 make stillness a daily practice this week.
(24:53):
Your mission is simple, but not necessarily easy.
Build 1 stillness ritual into your day.
It can be 5 minutes, 1/2 hour, afull hammock, nap, whatever.
You need. The rules, however?
No screens, no problem solving and no judgement.
Just be and if your brain yells you're wasting time, thank it
(25:16):
for trying to protect you. Then you just keep on breathing.
Because nothing heals like nothingness and joy.
She's always nearby, but she whispers, so you got to get
quiet to hear her. All right, here's a Segment 3
recap #1. Recap it.
Stillness isn't the absence of action, it's the presence of
(25:40):
awareness. #2 We avoid stillnessbecause it forces us to face
ourselves, but that's where growth begins. #3 Micro
stillness moments create macro impact overtime and. #4
Stillness is rebellion in a culture of hustle.
(26:00):
Coming up next, the joy of letting go.
In Segment 4, we're diving into the final stretch of the
episode, how releasing expectations, obligations, and
emotional baggage might just be your ticket to the kind of joy
that lasts. Because you can't sail free if
you their anchors tied to other people's definitions.
(26:24):
Get ready to cut some ropes, aging heroes.
Joy isn't ahead of you, it's within you.
All right, heroes, We've peeled the layers, you've ditched the
myths, we've practiced stillness.
(26:45):
And now it's time to let some stuff go.
Yep, this segment's about unloading the junk in your
soul's attic. The expired rules, the hand me
down expectations, the ghost of should that keep you chasing
someone else's version of joy? Because let's be honest, some of
(27:08):
you are still dragging around belief systems like mismatched
luggage at a Greyhound station. It's time to Marie Kondo your
emotional life. It's.
Time to do do it. If it doesn't spark joy or
dignity, it's got to go. A few years back I had a someday
(27:29):
list. You know, the one where
everything starts with one day. I'll.
Yeah. I think I think we've all had
those lists. One day I'll ride a camel in
Morocco. One day I will too, baby for
real. One day I'll learn to speak
Italian. One day I'll publish 3 more
books. How about that Italian one?
(27:49):
Day. I'll give back those six pack
ABS right after the holidays. Yeah, that list was ambitious,
I'll give you that. But here's what hit me Most of
those items weren't mine. They were echoes from mentors,
from movies, from what I thoughtmade a good life.
It was a checklist of performance, not presents.
(28:10):
So I burned it. Literally yes, in a fire pit.
We love that. With a shot of rum and a
Hallelujah. I think we've deemed that our go
to, right? And then we wrote a new list, a
soul list. Mine had things like sleep under
the stars without an agenda check Say no without a novel
(28:33):
explanation. Still waiting on that one.
And eat mangoes without worryingif I'm being proper and.
I think you checked that box too.
Yay, the cost of holding on. You know, the truth is we pay a
steep price for clinging to outdated dreams.
It's like dragging a canoe across dry land wondering why
(28:56):
you're exhausted. So what are you clinging to?
That job title? That image of what your life
should look like by now? That belief that if you stop
trying so hard, everything will fall apart.
What if instead everything fallstogether?
Here's what we've learned Letting go isn't giving up.
(29:16):
It's giving in to something deeper and truer.
It's choosing alignment over appearance, joy over approval.
So here's some real life lettinggo.
I used to think success meant proving myself, especially as a
woman of color adopted into a white Southern family.
(29:37):
The pressure to fit in, to be enough.
It was heavy. You have always been more than
enough, baby. Aw, thanks Rusty.
It took years of silence and sunsets for me to drop the
script to stop editing myself for rooms that didn't deserve
me. But what if your weakness is
(30:00):
where your wisdom lives? The emotional junk drawer
exercise. Let's get practical here.
It's time to do some emotional spring cleaning.
Open your metaphorical junk drawer.
What's in there? Old stories, outdated metrics,
Grudges that expired 2 presidents ago.
(30:22):
Now hold each one up and ask, did I choose this?
Is it still true? Does it help me love better,
live freer, or rest easier? If the answer's no, toss it,
bless it, burn it, bury it undera mango tree, whatever you got
to do. And then eat a mango.
So here is Aging Heroes challenge #4 Drop one rope.
(30:50):
This week we challenge you to let go of one thing you've been
gripping too tight. 1A Perfectionist belief. 2A Toxic
obligation. 3A version of yourself you've outgrown.
Go ahead and write it down, say it out loud, tell a trusted
friend, whatever you need. Then you're going to release it.
(31:13):
And watch how light your boat starts to feel, because Joy's
not at the top of some ladder, it's at the shoreline, waiting
for you to stop climbing and come home.
So let's do our Segment 4 recap,Ready, set, go.
Ready. Set.
Go. Letting go isn't weakness, it's
wisdom. #2 Emotional chatter steals Joy's oxygen. #3
(31:39):
rewriting your life script is one of the bravest things you
can do. #4 When you stop trying to prove your worth, joy becomes
accessible, not conditional. Here's some final words.
Drop the rope, raise the sail. Happiness doesn't have to be
pursued like a fugitive. No it doesn't.
(32:02):
It returns when you stop chasingand start clearing space.
Oh, drop the. Rope aging heroes.
Stop pulling out the old stories.
Cut the tethers, raise the sail.Joy as in the wind.
Not the destination, not the applause, the wind.
And you, you're exactly where you need to be.
(32:25):
Barefoot, brave, and finally free.
If this episode hit your heart, it spoke to you.
Share it, text a friend, tag us,and go follow us on Instagram
and Facebook at Aging Heroes. You can also find our full tribe
at WWW. W.agingheroes.com.
(32:48):
We will see you next week, Agingheroes, and can't wait for
it. See you then.