April 15, 2025 • 18 mins
Join Laura as she decodes what it means to have an identity or many identities, and how that impacts the way we interact with the world.
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Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
Welcome to Domain of Laura podcast with your host,
Laura.
In today's episode, I want todiscuss the concept of having an
identity or many identities,what that means, how it
influences our everydaydecisions and our life path over
(00:22):
time.
Having an identity is unlike ourDNA is something that could be
changed and evolved over time.
When you think of your DNA, itserves mostly as a blueprint or
an imprint of who you are.
I want you to think about whatit means to have an identity.
If I asked you now, you know,what is your identity?
(00:44):
Who are you in a sense?
What would you tell me?
Your answer could be influencedperhaps by where you're sitting
right now, or even the peoplethat you're surrounded with at
the time.
We're first introduced to theconcept of identity when we're
very young, perhaps as youngadults.
And this is the time where youbegin to explore who you really
(01:05):
are.
If you notice, maybe when youthink back to when you were
younger, or if you are young,you start to notice how you're
changing things about yourself.
It could be the way you do yourhair, the way you dress.
how you speak, the music youlisten to, and even the people
that you surround yourself with.
If you're a parent concernedabout these things, don't fret
(01:26):
because it's pretty normal.
This is when your teenagers oryoung adults are trying to
figure out what is their placein the world and where do they
belong.
Your personal identity is whoyou are when no one is looking.
So These are mostly associatedwith your hobbies, your
interests.
If you like to read, maybe youlike to dance, to cook.
(01:46):
You can also think about yourpersonality.
Maybe you feel that you're alittle bit shy, a little bit
more on the introverted side, orif you're an extrovert.
These are all things that aretied to your personal identity.
When people think of astrology,right?
People ask like, hey, what'syour zodiac sign?
They kind of get a glimpse ofwhat your personal profile is
(02:07):
based on these specific traits.
Your social identity, on theother hand, is how society
portrays you by identifying youto certain either groups,
whether in groups or out ofgroups.
And it usually requires you tohave a sense of membership or
belonging.
So think about when you go tocollege or when you join the
(02:29):
military, if you're playingsports, right?
These are all things that youeither have to test for or apply
for in order to have some formof access to it.
Even with family, you either Youeither have to marry into a
family or you're born into afamily.
And I would say that thisidentity is one that has the
most influence on yourself, onyour life path, because there's
(02:51):
definitely a lot of pressure orinfluence that comes from those
groups.
It could affect where you live,who you live with, even your
routine, even your diet.
Of course, there are certaingroups that require certain
types of access.
So maybe talent, skill.
For example, if I wanted to jointhe WNBA at 5'2", they would
(03:16):
probably look at me and laugh,right?
First, I have to make sure thatI pass all the tryouts and they
would probably look at me andlaugh and say, you know, get out
of here.
You don't qualify.
Think of imposter syndrome,right?
Whenever somebody is introducedto a new identity, oftentimes
they tend to go through thisfeeling that they don't belong.
(03:39):
And so remember what I saidearlier, social identities are
feeling that sense of belongingand membership into a group.
Oftentimes you feel that senseof imposter syndrome because
maybe the people in thosegroups, maybe they don't look
like you, they don't act likeyou.
And so you start to feel thatanxiety that comes with imposter
syndrome.
And as a result, you start toquestion, do I belong here is
(04:01):
this where I'm supposed to beremember this is only happening
because you're probably new tothat space and you're becoming
more accustomed to that newidentity you are getting
comfortable with that newidentity and with time and with
experience which is why peopleonce they have all the
experience and they feel at easewhere they are that imposter
(04:22):
syndrome tends to dissipate Whenyou think of people who are
super competitive oroverachievers, oftentimes they
tend to kind of move thegoalpost of what their identity
should be.
They see these higher roles,higher titles, and as a result,
they're always chasing that highof, you know, what's next?
(04:42):
What do I want to do next?
What can I achieve?
What else can I do?
And for some, reaching thatlevel of access that no one can
achieve is thrilling for them.
It's exciting, but there's alsothat danger How much is enough?
How much more do you need toachieve in order to feel
successful, in order to behappy, in order to feel
fulfilled?
(05:03):
Now, I want you to ask yourselfhow much of that is because you
want to follow those dreams oris it a matter of someone else
making those decisions for you?
And I don't mean when you're akid, when your parents are
telling you what to do, but moreso are the dreams that you're
following more aligned with yourauthentic self or are these
(05:24):
dreams that are aligned with thepeople that you're around?
And that could be your family.
peer pressure from your friends,etc.
Oftentimes, we don't realizethat we make decisions in our
lives that are tied to ouridentity, but they're mostly
driven by someone else that isnot us.
Think of some cultures where theparents are the ones who decide
(05:45):
who you marry or what type ofcareer you're going to have.
You know, hey, you're going tobe a doctor when you graduate
college, and there's no ifs,ands, or buts in that sentence.
How often do you stop and think,is this something that I want to
do for myself or is thatsomething that someone else
wants for me?
And how often do we allow thoseinfluences to take over our
(06:09):
lives?
The last thing that I would hopehappens to any of you is having
that sense of regret about Andthis reminds me of, and I've
seen this on social media, wherepeople who are in their last
days are asked, what are thethings that you regret?
What would you change about yourlife if you could do it all
over?
And many of them would say,well, I regret not spending time
(06:31):
with friends.
I regret chasing a career,right, all my entire life.
All I did was work.
Maybe I wish I could have toldsomeone I love them, right?
Like there are so many thingsthat...
lead us back to think of whatled to us not following our true
authentic needs.
And a lot of the times it isbecause of those identities that
(06:53):
we take on.
So I want you to reflect alittle bit on that and list all
of those identities that youhave of yourself.
You know, ask yourself, arethese identities the ones I
wanted for me?
And if so, do I want to changethem?
Maybe you're happy with them,which would be amazing.
But maybe you're not.
(07:13):
Maybe you're just going downthis, and I call this
manufactured life, or at leastidentity or life path, because
you're stuck in this path thatwas not necessarily your own.
And one of those examples, ifyou think about it, is when you
hear the saying, keeping up withthe Joneses.
Why do we feel that we need tokeep up with the Joneses?
Is our life supposed to be whateveryone else's life is like?
(07:36):
And oftentimes it's not.
When I look at my life, forexample, I definitely grew up
trying to do everything theright way.
If you think of the right way,it's usually go to college, get
married, have children, buy thehouse.
But that doesn't always workthat way.
I am divorced now.
I do have a child.
But overall, my life is prettygreat.
I don't have that sense ofregret because I already did
(07:58):
what society expected me to do.
I didn't graduate college, forexample, when everyone else
graduated college.
I actually graduated college 20years later.
So there is no shame in that.
But I did it, right?
Like it wasn't necessarily thesame path that everyone else
followed, but I still feel likeI didn't miss a beat.
So I want you to think aboutthat.
There is no right or wrong wayto do life.
(08:20):
Some people may want to not goto college at all and just
travel the world.
Again, this is one life that youlive and you have who knows how
long to live it.
Sit down sometimes and reflecton that and think, well, if this
is the one life that I have, howdo I want to spend it?
Is the life that I'm livingright now my own or am I living
this for someone else or to makesomeone else happy, which is
(08:43):
fine.
But at the end of the day, weall have free will.
You have to understand thatyou're going to have to live
with those choices.
This is why you see people whenthey reach their 40s and 50s and
they have this midlife crisis oridentity crisis because they
have been kind of going oncruise control, if you can say,
just doing everything right,doing what they're supposed to
(09:05):
do.
And in the end, they real thatthis is not really the direction
that they wanted to take.
So they start acting out anddoing reckless things that may
seem crazy for others becauseit's out of their character.
But they're kind of going backto like those teenage years
where they were trying toexplore their identity and
trying to figure out who theywere.
It may be just a phase, but forsome, it's not, right?
(09:28):
Like they completely changedtheir life and move on to
something else.
I do want to caution you thoughthat there is the danger in
going about the world and notpicking an identity.
Our identities give us a senseof purpose and it leads us to
feeling fulfilled.
And as long as you're followingyour authentic needs and being
(09:49):
genuine with yourself and beingreal and understanding which
identities are more aligned withyou, then you will be great.
But there are times where peoplejust don't know necessarily
where they want to go, what theywant to do.
And they stay in this constantloop where they're trying to
figure themselves out.
And the danger in that is thatthey don't pick one per se, and
(10:11):
instead they seek comfort orthey seek soothing methods to
make themselves feel better.
It could be drinking alcohol ordoing drugs or engaging in other
reckless behavior.
And it's a result of feelingthat sense of anxiety and often
depression that could make youfeel uncertain and unsure about
(10:31):
where you're Something that mostpeople may not even realize is
how susceptible we are to beingvictims of violence.
Let's say hate groups or evencults.
These groups tend to targetpeople who are in vulnerable
situations.
So maybe you've been isolated.
(10:51):
You know, you live alonesomewhere where you have no
family.
Maybe you went through abreakup.
There is something that hasshaken your identity in some
way.
And these groups tend to quicklyidentify who you are based on
those specific situations.
Think about it.
There are times when you getthese texts, right, of like
somebody being super flirty withyou or very friendly, right?
(11:15):
And what they're doing is likethey're fishing.
They're fishing to see howlonely you really are so that
they can go in and just grab youby the horns and feed you
whatever it is that they need tofeed you so that they could
either scam you or takeadvantage of you somehow.
And unfortunately, some of themare hate groups or cults.
This is why it's so important tobe authentic and really dig in
(11:37):
and get to know yourself reallywell.
People won't be able to breakyou.
These groups understand just howmuch of a need it is for you to
belong.
Like I mentioned in thebeginning, there's a sense of
belonging when you join thesesocial groups.
And these groups know exactlywhat they're doing.
They know how to make you feelhappier again, how to make you
(11:59):
feel seen, heard, right?
You have typically a commondenominator, right?
Like you probably hate the samethings because you're going
through something.
And they exploit that in orderfor them to get what they want.
If you feel that you need tojoin or become a member of a
hate group of any sort, askyourself, really, why?
(12:20):
Why do I feel like this isresonating with me?
Is it really that these groupsare who I am?
Oftentimes, it's not.
You're probably going throughsomething.
Again, your identity has beenshaken somehow, and you need to
dig deep and figure out why.
Anytime you're feeling anger,fear, a sense of dread, sadness,
(12:42):
you know, you're more thanlikely to fall victim to one of
these hate groups.
Pay attention to that next timeyou're feeling some type of way
and you start to look for thesethings to soothe you or at least
to help you escape from thatsense of exploration, that time
when you need to explore youridentity and understand who you
(13:02):
really are within.
And I think the solution forthat, if you're feeling that
way, is sit down and just reallyfocus on figuring out what you
want out of life.
You may not necessarily knowwhat that is, but try a few
things.
If you haven't been to college,take some classes.
You don't have to go to a top 10or anything like that.
Go to community college andstart there.
(13:24):
Start small, taking those smallsteps and figuring out what it
is that you want out of life.
Are you happy in the town thatyou live in?
Perhaps try living somewhereelse.
This is when you see people pickup and move to LA or New York
from a very small town becausethey realize that where they are
is not where they're supposed tobe.
(13:45):
That doesn't mean that theycan't come back and pick up
where they left off.
It's just a way for you tounderstand that nothing is set
in stone.
We can always change what wewant to do with our lives.
We can always adjust.
Maybe there are things that workout.
Maybe there are things thatwon't.
With trial and error, you tendto understand and figure out
(14:06):
what are the things that Ireally care about?
What drives me?
What am I passionate about?
I know it sounds cheesy, butlisten to your heart.
How often do you listen to yourheart?
Now, of course, if you're goingto engage in horrible behavior,
I will tell you, cut it out.
Don't go there.
But think about that.
What is going to make yougenuinely happy?
(14:26):
And go from there.
Start there.
I mean, how often have we heardof celebrities or people who
have achieved great success,right?
And there's always that oneperson who tells them, you're
crazy.
Why would you do that?
You're never going to succeed.
Just go back to what you weredoing.
It's a crazy dream of yours.
And then when you look yearslater, right, these people are
(14:47):
super successful.
They have achieved greatnessbecause they didn't listen to
outer influences.
They focused on understandingwho they are, listening to their
heart, being genuine with whatit is that they care about and
what drives them and what makesthem passionate about their
dreams.
And they stuck with it.
This is how I want you to thinkwhen you're making these
(15:07):
decisions.
It's okay to seek guidance fromothers, but the minute that
people start being negativeabout your choices and what are
you going to achieve, then it'stime to shut it out and just
focus on yourself.
This is why sometimes peopletell you, okay, don't tell
anybody your plans or yourdreams, because there's always
going to be that one person ortwo that are going to dampen
(15:29):
them and make you feel likeyou're crazy.
Sometimes people tend to projecttheir insecurities and
limitations onto you.
So don't worry about that.
Don't listen to people whohaven't tried at least to
experience or achieve the thingsthat you want to do.
Keep going and continue to tryto make yourself better, to make
(15:51):
yourself a better person everyday.
If the people you surroundyourself with do not understand
your life path, then perhapsfind a new circle.
This is why people try to findthose inner groups that align
with their dreams that havesimilar interests.
Because at the end of the day,you have things in common.
You have similar dreams.
(16:11):
And those who are not alignedwith you will more than likely
fall by the wayside.
There are so many times in whichwe end up sticking with
situations and places and peoplethat end up keeping us stuck.
And the reason for that is thatthey're not thinking about their
lives in the same way thatyou're thinking about yours.
(16:31):
And it doesn't mean that they'rewrong or that you're wrong, but
sometimes that could causefriction between friends,
between family.
And it's one of those decisionsthat you have to make for
yourself in order to understandwhat it is that is going to make
the most sense to you.
When someone you encounter triesto dissuade you from making
certain decisions and going downa certain life path, then it's
(16:52):
time to question that,especially if that's something
that you really want foryourself or if it's a dream that
you've been trying to achieve.
Why would someone try to tell methat I cannot pursue something
when it is literally somethingthat I think about all the time
and I'm excited for?
Do not let anyone dissuade youfrom following the life path
that you want.
At the end of the day, it isyour life and no one else's.
(17:16):
So for homework, and yes, Iwould like to leave you a little
homework here and there.
I would love for you to get apiece of paper, make a list of
what are the differentidentities that you portray or
take on and could be based onyour family, your social
influences, et cetera, yourcultural influences, and then
(17:39):
decide how many of thoseidentities are a part of you.
How many of those identities area representation of who you are?
If they're not, then make somechanges.
It is okay to make changes.
Remember, your identity is notyour DNA.
It is not something that youcannot change.
It is something that is fluidthat you can reflect and make
(18:01):
adjustments on.
You can go from being a nursetoday and then decide that you
want to be a teacher tomorrow,right?
These are identities that youcan change.
You can decide that you want tolive in a different state or
that you want to change yourhealth habits.
These are things that you canchange, that you can adjust.
Nothing is set in stone.
As long as you're doing thiswith the intention to be happy
(18:24):
and genuine, it will make yourlife so much better because it
takes time.
Take some time and reflect onthat this week.
And I promise you that you'regoing to feel a little better.
And at least it will show youwhere to start making
improvements if that's what youfeel you need.
With that, thank you so much forlistening to The Mandalore.
I appreciate you.
Don't forget to like, share, andsubscribe.
(18:45):
I'm happy that you're here.
And until next week, bye.
Welcome to Domain of Laura podcast with your host,
Laura.
In today's episode, I want todiscuss the concept of having an
identity or many identities,what that means, how it
influences our everydaydecisions and our life path over
(00:22):
time.
Having an identity is unlike ourDNA is something that could be
changed and evolved over time.
When you think of your DNA, itserves mostly as a blueprint or
an imprint of who you are.
I want you to think about whatit means to have an identity.
If I asked you now, you know,what is your identity?
(00:44):
Who are you in a sense?
What would you tell me?
Your answer could be influencedperhaps by where you're sitting
right now, or even the peoplethat you're surrounded with at
the time.
We're first introduced to theconcept of identity when we're
very young, perhaps as youngadults.
And this is the time where youbegin to explore who you really
(01:05):
are.
If you notice, maybe when youthink back to when you were
younger, or if you are young,you start to notice how you're
changing things about yourself.
It could be the way you do yourhair, the way you dress.
how you speak, the music youlisten to, and even the people
that you surround yourself with.
If you're a parent concernedabout these things, don't fret
(01:26):
because it's pretty normal.
This is when your teenagers oryoung adults are trying to
figure out what is their placein the world and where do they
belong.
Your personal identity is whoyou are when no one is looking.
So These are mostly associatedwith your hobbies, your
interests.
If you like to read, maybe youlike to dance, to cook.
(01:46):
You can also think about yourpersonality.
Maybe you feel that you're alittle bit shy, a little bit
more on the introverted side, orif you're an extrovert.
These are all things that aretied to your personal identity.
When people think of astrology,right?
People ask like, hey, what'syour zodiac sign?
They kind of get a glimpse ofwhat your personal profile is
(02:07):
based on these specific traits.
Your social identity, on theother hand, is how society
portrays you by identifying youto certain either groups,
whether in groups or out ofgroups.
And it usually requires you tohave a sense of membership or
belonging.
So think about when you go tocollege or when you join the
(02:29):
military, if you're playingsports, right?
These are all things that youeither have to test for or apply
for in order to have some formof access to it.
Even with family, you either Youeither have to marry into a
family or you're born into afamily.
And I would say that thisidentity is one that has the
most influence on yourself, onyour life path, because there's
(02:51):
definitely a lot of pressure orinfluence that comes from those
groups.
It could affect where you live,who you live with, even your
routine, even your diet.
Of course, there are certaingroups that require certain
types of access.
So maybe talent, skill.
For example, if I wanted to jointhe WNBA at 5'2", they would
(03:16):
probably look at me and laugh,right?
First, I have to make sure thatI pass all the tryouts and they
would probably look at me andlaugh and say, you know, get out
of here.
You don't qualify.
Think of imposter syndrome,right?
Whenever somebody is introducedto a new identity, oftentimes
they tend to go through thisfeeling that they don't belong.
(03:39):
And so remember what I saidearlier, social identities are
feeling that sense of belongingand membership into a group.
Oftentimes you feel that senseof imposter syndrome because
maybe the people in thosegroups, maybe they don't look
like you, they don't act likeyou.
And so you start to feel thatanxiety that comes with imposter
syndrome.
And as a result, you start toquestion, do I belong here is
(04:01):
this where I'm supposed to beremember this is only happening
because you're probably new tothat space and you're becoming
more accustomed to that newidentity you are getting
comfortable with that newidentity and with time and with
experience which is why peopleonce they have all the
experience and they feel at easewhere they are that imposter
(04:22):
syndrome tends to dissipate Whenyou think of people who are
super competitive oroverachievers, oftentimes they
tend to kind of move thegoalpost of what their identity
should be.
They see these higher roles,higher titles, and as a result,
they're always chasing that highof, you know, what's next?
(04:42):
What do I want to do next?
What can I achieve?
What else can I do?
And for some, reaching thatlevel of access that no one can
achieve is thrilling for them.
It's exciting, but there's alsothat danger How much is enough?
How much more do you need toachieve in order to feel
successful, in order to behappy, in order to feel
fulfilled?
(05:03):
Now, I want you to ask yourselfhow much of that is because you
want to follow those dreams oris it a matter of someone else
making those decisions for you?
And I don't mean when you're akid, when your parents are
telling you what to do, but moreso are the dreams that you're
following more aligned with yourauthentic self or are these
(05:24):
dreams that are aligned with thepeople that you're around?
And that could be your family.
peer pressure from your friends,etc.
Oftentimes, we don't realizethat we make decisions in our
lives that are tied to ouridentity, but they're mostly
driven by someone else that isnot us.
Think of some cultures where theparents are the ones who decide
(05:45):
who you marry or what type ofcareer you're going to have.
You know, hey, you're going tobe a doctor when you graduate
college, and there's no ifs,ands, or buts in that sentence.
How often do you stop and think,is this something that I want to
do for myself or is thatsomething that someone else
wants for me?
And how often do we allow thoseinfluences to take over our
(06:09):
lives?
The last thing that I would hopehappens to any of you is having
that sense of regret about Andthis reminds me of, and I've
seen this on social media, wherepeople who are in their last
days are asked, what are thethings that you regret?
What would you change about yourlife if you could do it all
over?
And many of them would say,well, I regret not spending time
(06:31):
with friends.
I regret chasing a career,right, all my entire life.
All I did was work.
Maybe I wish I could have toldsomeone I love them, right?
Like there are so many thingsthat...
lead us back to think of whatled to us not following our true
authentic needs.
And a lot of the times it isbecause of those identities that
(06:53):
we take on.
So I want you to reflect alittle bit on that and list all
of those identities that youhave of yourself.
You know, ask yourself, arethese identities the ones I
wanted for me?
And if so, do I want to changethem?
Maybe you're happy with them,which would be amazing.
But maybe you're not.
(07:13):
Maybe you're just going downthis, and I call this
manufactured life, or at leastidentity or life path, because
you're stuck in this path thatwas not necessarily your own.
And one of those examples, ifyou think about it, is when you
hear the saying, keeping up withthe Joneses.
Why do we feel that we need tokeep up with the Joneses?
Is our life supposed to be whateveryone else's life is like?
(07:36):
And oftentimes it's not.
When I look at my life, forexample, I definitely grew up
trying to do everything theright way.
If you think of the right way,it's usually go to college, get
married, have children, buy thehouse.
But that doesn't always workthat way.
I am divorced now.
I do have a child.
But overall, my life is prettygreat.
I don't have that sense ofregret because I already did
(07:58):
what society expected me to do.
I didn't graduate college, forexample, when everyone else
graduated college.
I actually graduated college 20years later.
So there is no shame in that.
But I did it, right?
Like it wasn't necessarily thesame path that everyone else
followed, but I still feel likeI didn't miss a beat.
So I want you to think aboutthat.
There is no right or wrong wayto do life.
(08:20):
Some people may want to not goto college at all and just
travel the world.
Again, this is one life that youlive and you have who knows how
long to live it.
Sit down sometimes and reflecton that and think, well, if this
is the one life that I have, howdo I want to spend it?
Is the life that I'm livingright now my own or am I living
this for someone else or to makesomeone else happy, which is
(08:43):
fine.
But at the end of the day, weall have free will.
You have to understand thatyou're going to have to live
with those choices.
This is why you see people whenthey reach their 40s and 50s and
they have this midlife crisis oridentity crisis because they
have been kind of going oncruise control, if you can say,
just doing everything right,doing what they're supposed to
(09:05):
do.
And in the end, they real thatthis is not really the direction
that they wanted to take.
So they start acting out anddoing reckless things that may
seem crazy for others becauseit's out of their character.
But they're kind of going backto like those teenage years
where they were trying toexplore their identity and
trying to figure out who theywere.
It may be just a phase, but forsome, it's not, right?
(09:28):
Like they completely changedtheir life and move on to
something else.
I do want to caution you thoughthat there is the danger in
going about the world and notpicking an identity.
Our identities give us a senseof purpose and it leads us to
feeling fulfilled.
And as long as you're followingyour authentic needs and being
(09:49):
genuine with yourself and beingreal and understanding which
identities are more aligned withyou, then you will be great.
But there are times where peoplejust don't know necessarily
where they want to go, what theywant to do.
And they stay in this constantloop where they're trying to
figure themselves out.
And the danger in that is thatthey don't pick one per se, and
(10:11):
instead they seek comfort orthey seek soothing methods to
make themselves feel better.
It could be drinking alcohol ordoing drugs or engaging in other
reckless behavior.
And it's a result of feelingthat sense of anxiety and often
depression that could make youfeel uncertain and unsure about
(10:31):
where you're Something that mostpeople may not even realize is
how susceptible we are to beingvictims of violence.
Let's say hate groups or evencults.
These groups tend to targetpeople who are in vulnerable
situations.
So maybe you've been isolated.
(10:51):
You know, you live alonesomewhere where you have no
family.
Maybe you went through abreakup.
There is something that hasshaken your identity in some
way.
And these groups tend to quicklyidentify who you are based on
those specific situations.
Think about it.
There are times when you getthese texts, right, of like
somebody being super flirty withyou or very friendly, right?
(11:15):
And what they're doing is likethey're fishing.
They're fishing to see howlonely you really are so that
they can go in and just grab youby the horns and feed you
whatever it is that they need tofeed you so that they could
either scam you or takeadvantage of you somehow.
And unfortunately, some of themare hate groups or cults.
This is why it's so important tobe authentic and really dig in
(11:37):
and get to know yourself reallywell.
People won't be able to breakyou.
These groups understand just howmuch of a need it is for you to
belong.
Like I mentioned in thebeginning, there's a sense of
belonging when you join thesesocial groups.
And these groups know exactlywhat they're doing.
They know how to make you feelhappier again, how to make you
(11:59):
feel seen, heard, right?
You have typically a commondenominator, right?
Like you probably hate the samethings because you're going
through something.
And they exploit that in orderfor them to get what they want.
If you feel that you need tojoin or become a member of a
hate group of any sort, askyourself, really, why?
(12:20):
Why do I feel like this isresonating with me?
Is it really that these groupsare who I am?
Oftentimes, it's not.
You're probably going throughsomething.
Again, your identity has beenshaken somehow, and you need to
dig deep and figure out why.
Anytime you're feeling anger,fear, a sense of dread, sadness,
(12:42):
you know, you're more thanlikely to fall victim to one of
these hate groups.
Pay attention to that next timeyou're feeling some type of way
and you start to look for thesethings to soothe you or at least
to help you escape from thatsense of exploration, that time
when you need to explore youridentity and understand who you
(13:02):
really are within.
And I think the solution forthat, if you're feeling that
way, is sit down and just reallyfocus on figuring out what you
want out of life.
You may not necessarily knowwhat that is, but try a few
things.
If you haven't been to college,take some classes.
You don't have to go to a top 10or anything like that.
Go to community college andstart there.
(13:24):
Start small, taking those smallsteps and figuring out what it
is that you want out of life.
Are you happy in the town thatyou live in?
Perhaps try living somewhereelse.
This is when you see people pickup and move to LA or New York
from a very small town becausethey realize that where they are
is not where they're supposed tobe.
(13:45):
That doesn't mean that theycan't come back and pick up
where they left off.
It's just a way for you tounderstand that nothing is set
in stone.
We can always change what wewant to do with our lives.
We can always adjust.
Maybe there are things that workout.
Maybe there are things thatwon't.
With trial and error, you tendto understand and figure out
(14:06):
what are the things that Ireally care about?
What drives me?
What am I passionate about?
I know it sounds cheesy, butlisten to your heart.
How often do you listen to yourheart?
Now, of course, if you're goingto engage in horrible behavior,
I will tell you, cut it out.
Don't go there.
But think about that.
What is going to make yougenuinely happy?
(14:26):
And go from there.
Start there.
I mean, how often have we heardof celebrities or people who
have achieved great success,right?
And there's always that oneperson who tells them, you're
crazy.
Why would you do that?
You're never going to succeed.
Just go back to what you weredoing.
It's a crazy dream of yours.
And then when you look yearslater, right, these people are
(14:47):
super successful.
They have achieved greatnessbecause they didn't listen to
outer influences.
They focused on understandingwho they are, listening to their
heart, being genuine with whatit is that they care about and
what drives them and what makesthem passionate about their
dreams.
And they stuck with it.
This is how I want you to thinkwhen you're making these
(15:07):
decisions.
It's okay to seek guidance fromothers, but the minute that
people start being negativeabout your choices and what are
you going to achieve, then it'stime to shut it out and just
focus on yourself.
This is why sometimes peopletell you, okay, don't tell
anybody your plans or yourdreams, because there's always
going to be that one person ortwo that are going to dampen
(15:29):
them and make you feel likeyou're crazy.
Sometimes people tend to projecttheir insecurities and
limitations onto you.
So don't worry about that.
Don't listen to people whohaven't tried at least to
experience or achieve the thingsthat you want to do.
Keep going and continue to tryto make yourself better, to make
(15:51):
yourself a better person everyday.
If the people you surroundyourself with do not understand
your life path, then perhapsfind a new circle.
This is why people try to findthose inner groups that align
with their dreams that havesimilar interests.
Because at the end of the day,you have things in common.
You have similar dreams.
(16:11):
And those who are not alignedwith you will more than likely
fall by the wayside.
There are so many times in whichwe end up sticking with
situations and places and peoplethat end up keeping us stuck.
And the reason for that is thatthey're not thinking about their
lives in the same way thatyou're thinking about yours.
(16:31):
And it doesn't mean that they'rewrong or that you're wrong, but
sometimes that could causefriction between friends,
between family.
And it's one of those decisionsthat you have to make for
yourself in order to understandwhat it is that is going to make
the most sense to you.
When someone you encounter triesto dissuade you from making
certain decisions and going downa certain life path, then it's
(16:52):
time to question that,especially if that's something
that you really want foryourself or if it's a dream that
you've been trying to achieve.
Why would someone try to tell methat I cannot pursue something
when it is literally somethingthat I think about all the time
and I'm excited for?
Do not let anyone dissuade youfrom following the life path
that you want.
At the end of the day, it isyour life and no one else's.
(17:16):
So for homework, and yes, Iwould like to leave you a little
homework here and there.
I would love for you to get apiece of paper, make a list of
what are the differentidentities that you portray or
take on and could be based onyour family, your social
influences, et cetera, yourcultural influences, and then
(17:39):
decide how many of thoseidentities are a part of you.
How many of those identities area representation of who you are?
If they're not, then make somechanges.
It is okay to make changes.
Remember, your identity is notyour DNA.
It is not something that youcannot change.
It is something that is fluidthat you can reflect and make
(18:01):
adjustments on.
You can go from being a nursetoday and then decide that you
want to be a teacher tomorrow,right?
These are identities that youcan change.
You can decide that you want tolive in a different state or
that you want to change yourhealth habits.
These are things that you canchange, that you can adjust.
Nothing is set in stone.
As long as you're doing thiswith the intention to be happy
(18:24):
and genuine, it will make yourlife so much better because it
takes time.
Take some time and reflect onthat this week.
And I promise you that you'regoing to feel a little better.
And at least it will show youwhere to start making
improvements if that's what youfeel you need.
With that, thank you so much forlistening to The Mandalore.
I appreciate you.
Don't forget to like, share, andsubscribe.
(18:45):
I'm happy that you're here.
And until next week, bye.
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