April 30, 2025 • 20 mins
Have you ever felt like a fraud waiting to be exposed? That nagging inner voice questioning whether you really belong or deserve your success? Welcome to the world of imposter syndrome... that peculiar psychological pattern where capable, accomplished people doubt their abilities and fear being "found out."
But here's the unexpected twist: what if imposter syndrome isn't entirely negative?
Whether you're personally struggling with imposter feelings or supporting someone who is, this episode offers practical strategies to transform self-doubt into self-awareness.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Laura (00:03):
Welcome to the Maine Allure podcast with your host,
laura.
In today's episode, we're goingto talk about the elephant in
the room.
Yes, we're going to talk aboutimposter syndrome.
(00:28):
By definition, impostersyndrome is when you doubt your
own skills and successes.
You feel like you're nottalented enough or worthy enough
as others believe, and you'rebasically scared that one day
people are going to realize thatyou're essentially a fraud.
You feel like you're afraidthat someone will figure you out
(00:52):
.
It leads you to having thisanxiety because you're afraid
that you're going to loseeverything you work for as a
result of all of these crazyfeelings.
Imposter syndrome could fallinto one of these five different
categories.
So the first one is theperfectionist.
(01:12):
And now this is the type whereyou set these standards that are
extremely high for yourself.
You feel like you must doeverything perfectly.
You end up working andoverworking on perhaps the same
task until you feel it'sabsolutely perfect, which ends
up leaving you working on thesame thing over and over and you
(01:35):
never move on into somethingelse.
You typically struggle toaccept that perfection is
unattainable, and you oftendwell on those perceived flaws.
One example that I can think ofis, if you're an artist, you
tend to perhaps work on the samepiece right the same either
piece of music, piece of art andyou're always refining and
(01:59):
tweaking and doing all thesethings and everybody's like, hey
, where's your?
When are you gonna show us youramazing work?
And you're like wait, but I'mstill working on it, I still
need some more time.
So that's an example of thatperfectionist mindset.
The second one is the superhuman.
This one is a little similar tothe last one, but the issue
(02:22):
with this one is that you tendto always believe that you must
excel.
One is that you tend to alwaysbelieve that you must excel at
everything that you take on.
You don't want to feel like afailure.
You feel like you have tojuggle all of these different
things so that you can beperfect at everything.
You don't feel like it's hardfor you to delegate some of your
work, because you want to makesure that you handle it yourself
(02:44):
instead of allowing others tohelp you.
So it's hard for you to seekhelp and a lot of times this
happens because you don'tbelieve that others will work at
the same standard.
So because of that, whateverwork they do, if it doesn't meet
your standards, then you feellike you also failed.
And we see this with people whoare essentially workaholics.
(03:06):
They're always staying late atwork, they're making sure that
things are running smoothly.
You can also think of schoolprojects, where there's always
that one student who always endsup doing most of the work.
They're like no, no, no, I gotit, no worries, and they're okay
with doing it.
But at the same time, it isessentially that they don't want
to give up the reins, becausethey want to make sure that the
(03:28):
project is perfect and they feelsolely responsible for that.
The third one is the naturalgenius.
Now, this type is the one whofeels that everything should be
easy, that things shouldn'trequire much effort, because
they believe that they're verysmart and able and capable.
(03:49):
But the problem here is thatthey're unwilling to acknowledge
that sometimes you need help,sometimes you may struggle in
understanding and learning newthings.
Because of that, they tend todownplay their achievements,
believing that they should havedone better or they should have
done everything without mucheffort.
(04:10):
And a good example of that iswhen you think of valedictorians
.
I remember when I was in collegeI would see this all the time
where you would have people fromall over the country, all over
the world, coming into thisuniversity because it was an Ivy
League university, right.
The acceptance rate was prettylow.
They were excited, right.
(04:31):
Some of these people would comefrom small towns of middle
America, wherever, and theywholeheartedly believed where
they were that they were thesmartest, they were the most.
You know they're geniuses athome, but then when you come
into an institution whereeverybody's smart, everybody's a
genius I mean I wouldn't callmyself a genius, but everybody
(04:53):
there was definitely a genius Idefinitely felt that imposter
syndrome where I was like, wow,everybody just knows everything.
It ends up creeping up on youbecause you start seeing these
people just answer everything,just eloquently and perfectly,
and Eventually you would seestudents sometimes take a
semester off, take a break,because they would feel so
(05:14):
overwhelmed, because the peoplearound them were always so put
together that it ends up beingintimidating and that's why that
natural genius ends up feelinglike they're not worthy anymore.
The fourth one is the soloist,and this type believes that they
can accomplish everything alone, and they tend to just.
(05:35):
They love to work alone.
They refuse to ask for help,seek help, they refuse to let
other people help them becauseif they did, then they would
feel like somebody will figureout that they're incompetent,
now that doesn't mean that theyare.
It's just like this is the waythat their brain is
communicating that to them thatwell, if somebody comes and
works with me, somehow they'regoing to find out that I'm not
(05:58):
as good enough as they are andthey end up taking these heavy
workloads.
Never ask for help, afraid toif you're incompetent, and it
ends up leading them to burnoutand crashing out.
The last one is the expertcrashing out.
The last one is the expert, andthis type expects to know
(06:19):
everything and feels ashamed ifthey don't.
They may over-prepare and behesitant to speak up in meetings
out of fear that they will beexposed of not knowing enough.
So they tend to just sit in theback, not speak.
They're there, they're present,but their presence is not
really felt.
Because they're there, they'represent, but their presence is
not really felt because they'rejust so afraid to say the wrong
thing or act in the wrong way.
(06:39):
So the expert is always holdingthemselves back because they're
afraid again that people aregoing to believe that they're
not really an expert as they, asthey, believe.
Now imagine that you're a newcollege graduate and you go
through a bunch of interviewsand eventually you're hired by
one of your favorite companies.
You're nervous, yet excited atthe same time.
(07:02):
But these thoughts startrunning through your head
wondering you know, how did thiscompany decide to hire me?
You see the salary that theyoffer you and now you're really
excited, but yet even morenervous because it's more money
than you've ever made as acollege student.
You don't want to mess this upOn your first day.
You arrive early, you greeteveryone, everybody greets you,
(07:24):
your boss, your team, and younotice that everyone is just so
comfortable in doing their work.
And you have a millionquestions already, which is
normal because, again, you juststarted.
These questions feel like aburden to you.
You don't want to ruffle anyfeathers, so you're afraid to
ask, out of fear that they mayfind you stupid or that they
think these are stupid questions.
You don't want to come off asincompetent, and especially not
(07:47):
on your first week, even yourfirst month.
So you keep it to yourself andyou try to figure things out
alone.
Your coworker asks time andtime again if you need help, but
nope, you're totally fine,you've got it all figured out.
Everyone goes home and thereyou are still late, working on
this assignment that you weregiven.
Eventually, this becomes apattern.
(08:08):
Now you're wondering if you'reeven cut out for this job.
You're stressing out, you'respending most of your free time
trying to stay ahead so that youdon't fall behind.
That's how it eventuallybecomes a habit.
It becomes a pattern, becausenow you find yourself
overworking and burning yourselfout because deep inside, you
don't feel like you're goodenough.
You see this in the characterof Chris Garner in the Pursuit
(08:32):
of Happiness, which is a greatmovie, by the way, and it's
played by Will Smith and in themovie you see how he's
struggling.
Right, they give him thisopportunity and he's trying time
and time again to prove himself, to show that he's capable and
that he belongs there.
There was a point, even whenhis boss asked him for $5 to
(08:53):
take a cab I don't know if youguys remember that and he was
homeless, he had no money, hehad no way of feeding himself
and his son, and he still wentahead and gave him the last $5
that he had.
That's an example of how muchhe was willing to do right,
always trying to prove himself,always trying to show that he
was good enough to be there.
(09:13):
Even though he was an amazingemployee, he still tried to go
above and beyond than what hisduties were, just so that he
could prove that he belongedthere, and the truth is that he
was more than enough.
With imposter syndrome, you'reexperiencing these thoughts
because you're elevating into anew level, into a new experience
(09:35):
to excel in.
You're shedding what keeps youcomfortable, so let it excite
you.
Don't look at it as fear.
Think of it as excitement forwhat is to come negative
reputation.
I'm here to tell you one thing,and that is that it displays a
(09:56):
trait that most of us tend tooverlook, and that is humility.
The opposite of that is someonewho has this cognitive bias in
which they feel overconfident intheir skills and their
abilities but the reality isvery different and their
abilities, but the reality isvery different.
People like this tend todisplay overconfidence when they
(10:17):
speak, but they know far lessthan they let on.
They don't ask questionsbecause they feel like they know
everything, and so running onassumptions could essentially
lead to disaster, right,especially in the workplace.
I guarantee you that mostpeople you work with would
rather work with someone who hasimposter syndrome, because
(10:37):
people like this are teachable,they're willing to learn, they
have a growth mindset becausethey want to become better.
They're not boasting about howmuch they know or that they know
it all, and people who thinklike that can be a little toxic.
I will say so.
That is why it's easier to hiresomeone, in my opinion, who is
humble yet eager to learn, thansomeone who is essentially a
(11:02):
know-it-all.
If you're thinking to yourselfwell, I think I have imposter
syndrome.
What should I do?
Well, the first step is toadmit that you have it.
Fear is the biggest scam withinyour psyche, and your success
and growth is on the other sideof it.
So don't let doubt, confusefear with unworthiness.
(11:23):
You are more than capable ofbecoming who you've always meant
to be.
Take the first step and theroad to your goals and dreams
will become clear.
Don't be afraid to admit thatyou feel insecure, that you feel
unworthy, and being aware of itwill help you recognize when it
creeps up on you.
So recognizing it will make youbetter equipped to deal with it
(11:47):
in the long term, because thetruth is, it never goes away.
You're always going to findyourself in situations and in
places and even relationshipswhere you're always going to
feel some type of impostersyndrome.
So the best thing to do isrecognize it, admit it and find
ways to mitigate those feelings.
The first thing I will tell youis to tell that inner voice to
(12:09):
shut up.
Literally, our brains aresometimes our enemy.
It will tend to want to changeour minds, almost always in a
negative way.
And removing those doubts andrecognizing that your brain is
having a power struggle with youis when you can take your power
back and say wait a minute, Iam stronger than this.
You're not going to dictate howI think I got this, so don't
(12:37):
let it win you over.
Don't let it win.
Take control of your thoughtsand keep it moving.
And a good way to do that is toreplace those negative thoughts
with positive ones.
Celebrate your wins, remindyourself of everything you have
achieved, because obviouslyyou're not starting from day one
.
You've achieved so much beforethat, so remember all of the
things you have achieved beforeyou reach that point.
(12:57):
And imposter syndrome is theopposite of having a hype man.
It pushes you to believe thatyou don't deserve recognition
nor applause.
It is a voice within that wantsyou stuck, because growth is
scary.
But the beauty of growth isknowing that you have the power
to reach whatever goals you setyour sights on.
Only you have the power tochange your future, so make sure
(13:21):
you celebrate your wins.
If you don't feel like you havemuch to celebrate, then
visualize yourself beingsomewhere in the future, being
in a higher position, at ahigher level, at a bigger office
, whatever that is.
Visualize it, think about it.
Think bigger than where you areright now and I promise you
(13:41):
that your current situation willseem almost irrelevant.
You will feel like you know, Icould definitely be in a bigger
office, I could definitely be ina higher position.
Because I'm visualizing it now,your current situation at that
point will become like just anyother routine.
So make sure you visualize yourdreams where you want to be
(14:02):
next, because wherever you arenow is going to seem like no big
deal Every time.
You have those insecurethoughts, those imposter
syndrome thoughts.
I want you to think of it thisway.
Think of it as being someone'splus one at a wedding.
Think of it as you beinginvited to a party and you don't
(14:23):
know anyone there.
But remember you were invited,you were given a seat at a table
, so it doesn't matter that youdon't know anyone because you
were asked to show up.
You get to eat the same food,you get to drink the same drinks
as everyone else.
There's nothing that says ohwait, wait a second, you're the
plus one, you don't get to dothe same things as everyone else
.
That doesn't happen, right?
(14:44):
Hey, even Uncle Joe will comeup to you and say, hey, hey,
niece, hey, nephew, they'll giveyou this big hug, they'll treat
you like everyone else.
You can catch the bouquet ifyou're a woman, if you're a guy,
you know, you can hang out withthe boys, you can even join the
cousins when the electric slidecomes on.
Nobody's checking you to say,hey, you're the plus one, you
(15:07):
can't be here, you can't comeand do the electric slide or the
cha-cha-cha.
On the other hand, you couldchoose to stay at the table, not
talk to anyone, not dance,maybe eat, maybe get up and talk
to people.
You don't have to come out ofyour comfort zone, but then
you're not going to have fun,you're not going to really enjoy
(15:27):
being there.
You're going to play with yourphone and figure out when you
can leave.
Maybe wait for the cake,because, hey, cake, especially
Dominican cake, it's always bomb.
But what I'm trying to say isthat there is no set rule to how
you can show up.
The point is that you wereinvited.
You were given a seat at thetable, and if you were given a
(15:50):
seat at the table, that meansthat people believe in you,
people trust you, people believein your expertise and your
knowledge and your skills.
Think about it you are beinggiven the privilege to sit in
the same rooms as everyone else.
You are being given theprivilege to sit in the same
(16:10):
meetings and having the sameconversations, providing your
own perspectives.
This is highly valuable and youshould be proud of those things
.
Never believe that you're notgood enough, because if you were
invited to the party, chancesare that you deserve to be there
, and all that matters is thatyou were invited.
You showed up.
(16:30):
Make the best of it and dance.
Come on, you know you want todance.
My point is to enjoy the moment,enjoy the opportunity, enjoy
the place, Enjoy the blessingthat you've been given the
opportunity.
Enjoy the place, enjoy theblessing that you've been given.
Sometimes we don't realize howfortunate we are by being
(16:51):
somewhere, by working somewhere,by being friends with someone.
We have to take stock in all ofthe blessings that we have and
never assume that you're notworthy of it.
This happens when you're datingtoo, by the way you end up
overthinking and thinking oh myGod, this person didn't call me
at exactly two minutes later, sothat means that they don't like
me.
That means that I must not begood enough.
(17:11):
Why haven't they called me?
These are thoughts that takeover and you have to make sure
that you monitor those andrecognize it so that in the
future you're not drivingyourself crazy.
Just enjoy the moment.
Enjoy the time that you havewherever you are, and make it
count.
Have a good story to tell.
(17:32):
If you're someone who believesthat either your coworker or
someone you manage is displayingthese signs of imposter
syndrome, take some time to getto know them.
Set up a meeting with them.
Ask them how they're doing.
Chances are they may sayeverything is fine, but offer
them help anyway.
Let them know that you areavailable, that whenever they
(17:55):
need someone to provide guidanceor advice, you can be there for
them.
Show them that you genuinelywant to help them, that you want
them to succeed.
And you can't be performativein this.
You have to actually do thework so that you can build a
sense of trust, so that theyfeel like they belong.
If they're doing somethingreally well, tell them, let them
(18:15):
know.
Give them public praisewhenever you can.
In the Navy we used to alwayssay critique in private but
praise in public, and I'vealways taken that with me
because it does do wonders forsomeone's self-esteem.
It also helps build that senseof trust, knowing that you don't
want to make me look bad infront of people, which is
(18:36):
essentially what someone withimposter syndrome worries about
all the time.
Let them know that they're notalone and that you're there to
support them.
In closing, you have to rememberthat we are all new at
something at some point in ourlives.
We're not born knowing anythingat all.
We grow by learning about theworld and our surroundings.
(18:58):
The expectation that we mustexcel at everything we do
oftentimes stems from achildhood wound, where we are
taught to never stop working,never stop achieving.
Here's the thing.
We also have to stop and smellthe roses and enjoy the fruit of
our labor.
We're constantly trying toone-up ourselves and because of
that there is never a dedicatedtime to just be, to savor all of
(19:22):
the accomplishments that we'veearned, because, yes, they've
been earned.
So continue to celebrate yourwins and give yourself grace
when you start something new.
In the end, we're all human,even the people you believe are
the geniuses in the room arealso insecure and unsure at
times.
They probably experienceimposter syndrome, just like you
(19:44):
.
I'm pretty sure of that.
So the truth is that you don'tknow how many people admire what
you do and are inspired by yourwork, your abilities.
You may not hear it all thetime or at all, but there is
someone out there who is proudof you, who is inspired by you
(20:05):
and all you have accomplished.
When you look at yourself inthe mirror today, tell yourself
I am strong, I am smart, I cando anything I set my mind to,
and you can add a little shimmyin there too.
Well, I would.
I definitely will.
So remember every day is aninvitation to show up.
Show the world just how amazingyou are and don't let anyone
(20:30):
tell you different.
That is all for this week.
Don't forget to like, share andsubscribe.
Once again, thank you so muchfor listening to the Main Allure
podcast.
I am your host, lauraura, anduntil next time, bye.
Welcome to the Maine Allure podcast with your host,
laura.
In today's episode, we're goingto talk about the elephant in
the room.
Yes, we're going to talk aboutimposter syndrome.
(00:28):
By definition, impostersyndrome is when you doubt your
own skills and successes.
You feel like you're nottalented enough or worthy enough
as others believe, and you'rebasically scared that one day
people are going to realize thatyou're essentially a fraud.
You feel like you're afraidthat someone will figure you out
(00:52):
.
It leads you to having thisanxiety because you're afraid
that you're going to loseeverything you work for as a
result of all of these crazyfeelings.
Imposter syndrome could fallinto one of these five different
categories.
So the first one is theperfectionist.
(01:12):
And now this is the type whereyou set these standards that are
extremely high for yourself.
You feel like you must doeverything perfectly.
You end up working andoverworking on perhaps the same
task until you feel it'sabsolutely perfect, which ends
up leaving you working on thesame thing over and over and you
(01:35):
never move on into somethingelse.
You typically struggle toaccept that perfection is
unattainable, and you oftendwell on those perceived flaws.
One example that I can think ofis, if you're an artist, you
tend to perhaps work on the samepiece right the same either
piece of music, piece of art andyou're always refining and
(01:59):
tweaking and doing all thesethings and everybody's like, hey
, where's your?
When are you gonna show us youramazing work?
And you're like wait, but I'mstill working on it, I still
need some more time.
So that's an example of thatperfectionist mindset.
The second one is the superhuman.
This one is a little similar tothe last one, but the issue
(02:22):
with this one is that you tendto always believe that you must
excel.
One is that you tend to alwaysbelieve that you must excel at
everything that you take on.
You don't want to feel like afailure.
You feel like you have tojuggle all of these different
things so that you can beperfect at everything.
You don't feel like it's hardfor you to delegate some of your
work, because you want to makesure that you handle it yourself
(02:44):
instead of allowing others tohelp you.
So it's hard for you to seekhelp and a lot of times this
happens because you don'tbelieve that others will work at
the same standard.
So because of that, whateverwork they do, if it doesn't meet
your standards, then you feellike you also failed.
And we see this with people whoare essentially workaholics.
(03:06):
They're always staying late atwork, they're making sure that
things are running smoothly.
You can also think of schoolprojects, where there's always
that one student who always endsup doing most of the work.
They're like no, no, no, I gotit, no worries, and they're okay
with doing it.
But at the same time, it isessentially that they don't want
to give up the reins, becausethey want to make sure that the
(03:28):
project is perfect and they feelsolely responsible for that.
The third one is the naturalgenius.
Now, this type is the one whofeels that everything should be
easy, that things shouldn'trequire much effort, because
they believe that they're verysmart and able and capable.
(03:49):
But the problem here is thatthey're unwilling to acknowledge
that sometimes you need help,sometimes you may struggle in
understanding and learning newthings.
Because of that, they tend todownplay their achievements,
believing that they should havedone better or they should have
done everything without mucheffort.
(04:10):
And a good example of that iswhen you think of valedictorians
.
I remember when I was in collegeI would see this all the time
where you would have people fromall over the country, all over
the world, coming into thisuniversity because it was an Ivy
League university, right.
The acceptance rate was prettylow.
They were excited, right.
(04:31):
Some of these people would comefrom small towns of middle
America, wherever, and theywholeheartedly believed where
they were that they were thesmartest, they were the most.
You know they're geniuses athome, but then when you come
into an institution whereeverybody's smart, everybody's a
genius I mean I wouldn't callmyself a genius, but everybody
(04:53):
there was definitely a genius Idefinitely felt that imposter
syndrome where I was like, wow,everybody just knows everything.
It ends up creeping up on youbecause you start seeing these
people just answer everything,just eloquently and perfectly,
and Eventually you would seestudents sometimes take a
semester off, take a break,because they would feel so
(05:14):
overwhelmed, because the peoplearound them were always so put
together that it ends up beingintimidating and that's why that
natural genius ends up feelinglike they're not worthy anymore.
The fourth one is the soloist,and this type believes that they
can accomplish everything alone, and they tend to just.
(05:35):
They love to work alone.
They refuse to ask for help,seek help, they refuse to let
other people help them becauseif they did, then they would
feel like somebody will figureout that they're incompetent,
now that doesn't mean that theyare.
It's just like this is the waythat their brain is
communicating that to them thatwell, if somebody comes and
works with me, somehow they'regoing to find out that I'm not
(05:58):
as good enough as they are andthey end up taking these heavy
workloads.
Never ask for help, afraid toif you're incompetent, and it
ends up leading them to burnoutand crashing out.
The last one is the expertcrashing out.
The last one is the expert, andthis type expects to know
(06:19):
everything and feels ashamed ifthey don't.
They may over-prepare and behesitant to speak up in meetings
out of fear that they will beexposed of not knowing enough.
So they tend to just sit in theback, not speak.
They're there, they're present,but their presence is not
really felt.
Because they're there, they'represent, but their presence is
not really felt because they'rejust so afraid to say the wrong
thing or act in the wrong way.
(06:39):
So the expert is always holdingthemselves back because they're
afraid again that people aregoing to believe that they're
not really an expert as they, asthey, believe.
Now imagine that you're a newcollege graduate and you go
through a bunch of interviewsand eventually you're hired by
one of your favorite companies.
You're nervous, yet excited atthe same time.
(07:02):
But these thoughts startrunning through your head
wondering you know, how did thiscompany decide to hire me?
You see the salary that theyoffer you and now you're really
excited, but yet even morenervous because it's more money
than you've ever made as acollege student.
You don't want to mess this upOn your first day.
You arrive early, you greeteveryone, everybody greets you,
(07:24):
your boss, your team, and younotice that everyone is just so
comfortable in doing their work.
And you have a millionquestions already, which is
normal because, again, you juststarted.
These questions feel like aburden to you.
You don't want to ruffle anyfeathers, so you're afraid to
ask, out of fear that they mayfind you stupid or that they
think these are stupid questions.
You don't want to come off asincompetent, and especially not
(07:47):
on your first week, even yourfirst month.
So you keep it to yourself andyou try to figure things out
alone.
Your coworker asks time andtime again if you need help, but
nope, you're totally fine,you've got it all figured out.
Everyone goes home and thereyou are still late, working on
this assignment that you weregiven.
Eventually, this becomes apattern.
(08:08):
Now you're wondering if you'reeven cut out for this job.
You're stressing out, you'respending most of your free time
trying to stay ahead so that youdon't fall behind.
That's how it eventuallybecomes a habit.
It becomes a pattern, becausenow you find yourself
overworking and burning yourselfout because deep inside, you
don't feel like you're goodenough.
You see this in the characterof Chris Garner in the Pursuit
(08:32):
of Happiness, which is a greatmovie, by the way, and it's
played by Will Smith and in themovie you see how he's
struggling.
Right, they give him thisopportunity and he's trying time
and time again to prove himself, to show that he's capable and
that he belongs there.
There was a point, even whenhis boss asked him for $5 to
(08:53):
take a cab I don't know if youguys remember that and he was
homeless, he had no money, hehad no way of feeding himself
and his son, and he still wentahead and gave him the last $5
that he had.
That's an example of how muchhe was willing to do right,
always trying to prove himself,always trying to show that he
was good enough to be there.
(09:13):
Even though he was an amazingemployee, he still tried to go
above and beyond than what hisduties were, just so that he
could prove that he belongedthere, and the truth is that he
was more than enough.
With imposter syndrome, you'reexperiencing these thoughts
because you're elevating into anew level, into a new experience
(09:35):
to excel in.
You're shedding what keeps youcomfortable, so let it excite
you.
Don't look at it as fear.
Think of it as excitement forwhat is to come negative
reputation.
I'm here to tell you one thing,and that is that it displays a
(09:56):
trait that most of us tend tooverlook, and that is humility.
The opposite of that is someonewho has this cognitive bias in
which they feel overconfident intheir skills and their
abilities but the reality isvery different and their
abilities, but the reality isvery different.
People like this tend todisplay overconfidence when they
(10:17):
speak, but they know far lessthan they let on.
They don't ask questionsbecause they feel like they know
everything, and so running onassumptions could essentially
lead to disaster, right,especially in the workplace.
I guarantee you that mostpeople you work with would
rather work with someone who hasimposter syndrome, because
(10:37):
people like this are teachable,they're willing to learn, they
have a growth mindset becausethey want to become better.
They're not boasting about howmuch they know or that they know
it all, and people who thinklike that can be a little toxic.
I will say so.
That is why it's easier to hiresomeone, in my opinion, who is
humble yet eager to learn, thansomeone who is essentially a
(11:02):
know-it-all.
If you're thinking to yourselfwell, I think I have imposter
syndrome.
What should I do?
Well, the first step is toadmit that you have it.
Fear is the biggest scam withinyour psyche, and your success
and growth is on the other sideof it.
So don't let doubt, confusefear with unworthiness.
(11:23):
You are more than capable ofbecoming who you've always meant
to be.
Take the first step and theroad to your goals and dreams
will become clear.
Don't be afraid to admit thatyou feel insecure, that you feel
unworthy, and being aware of itwill help you recognize when it
creeps up on you.
So recognizing it will make youbetter equipped to deal with it
(11:47):
in the long term, because thetruth is, it never goes away.
You're always going to findyourself in situations and in
places and even relationshipswhere you're always going to
feel some type of impostersyndrome.
So the best thing to do isrecognize it, admit it and find
ways to mitigate those feelings.
The first thing I will tell youis to tell that inner voice to
(12:09):
shut up.
Literally, our brains aresometimes our enemy.
It will tend to want to changeour minds, almost always in a
negative way.
And removing those doubts andrecognizing that your brain is
having a power struggle with youis when you can take your power
back and say wait a minute, Iam stronger than this.
You're not going to dictate howI think I got this, so don't
(12:37):
let it win you over.
Don't let it win.
Take control of your thoughtsand keep it moving.
And a good way to do that is toreplace those negative thoughts
with positive ones.
Celebrate your wins, remindyourself of everything you have
achieved, because obviouslyyou're not starting from day one
.
You've achieved so much beforethat, so remember all of the
things you have achieved beforeyou reach that point.
(12:57):
And imposter syndrome is theopposite of having a hype man.
It pushes you to believe thatyou don't deserve recognition
nor applause.
It is a voice within that wantsyou stuck, because growth is
scary.
But the beauty of growth isknowing that you have the power
to reach whatever goals you setyour sights on.
Only you have the power tochange your future, so make sure
(13:21):
you celebrate your wins.
If you don't feel like you havemuch to celebrate, then
visualize yourself beingsomewhere in the future, being
in a higher position, at ahigher level, at a bigger office
, whatever that is.
Visualize it, think about it.
Think bigger than where you areright now and I promise you
(13:41):
that your current situation willseem almost irrelevant.
You will feel like you know, Icould definitely be in a bigger
office, I could definitely be ina higher position.
Because I'm visualizing it now,your current situation at that
point will become like just anyother routine.
So make sure you visualize yourdreams where you want to be
(14:02):
next, because wherever you arenow is going to seem like no big
deal Every time.
You have those insecurethoughts, those imposter
syndrome thoughts.
I want you to think of it thisway.
Think of it as being someone'splus one at a wedding.
Think of it as you beinginvited to a party and you don't
(14:23):
know anyone there.
But remember you were invited,you were given a seat at a table
, so it doesn't matter that youdon't know anyone because you
were asked to show up.
You get to eat the same food,you get to drink the same drinks
as everyone else.
There's nothing that says ohwait, wait a second, you're the
plus one, you don't get to dothe same things as everyone else
.
That doesn't happen, right?
(14:44):
Hey, even Uncle Joe will comeup to you and say, hey, hey,
niece, hey, nephew, they'll giveyou this big hug, they'll treat
you like everyone else.
You can catch the bouquet ifyou're a woman, if you're a guy,
you know, you can hang out withthe boys, you can even join the
cousins when the electric slidecomes on.
Nobody's checking you to say,hey, you're the plus one, you
(15:07):
can't be here, you can't comeand do the electric slide or the
cha-cha-cha.
On the other hand, you couldchoose to stay at the table, not
talk to anyone, not dance,maybe eat, maybe get up and talk
to people.
You don't have to come out ofyour comfort zone, but then
you're not going to have fun,you're not going to really enjoy
(15:27):
being there.
You're going to play with yourphone and figure out when you
can leave.
Maybe wait for the cake,because, hey, cake, especially
Dominican cake, it's always bomb.
But what I'm trying to say isthat there is no set rule to how
you can show up.
The point is that you wereinvited.
You were given a seat at thetable, and if you were given a
(15:50):
seat at the table, that meansthat people believe in you,
people trust you, people believein your expertise and your
knowledge and your skills.
Think about it you are beinggiven the privilege to sit in
the same rooms as everyone else.
You are being given theprivilege to sit in the same
(16:10):
meetings and having the sameconversations, providing your
own perspectives.
This is highly valuable and youshould be proud of those things
.
Never believe that you're notgood enough, because if you were
invited to the party, chancesare that you deserve to be there
, and all that matters is thatyou were invited.
You showed up.
(16:30):
Make the best of it and dance.
Come on, you know you want todance.
My point is to enjoy the moment,enjoy the opportunity, enjoy
the place, Enjoy the blessingthat you've been given the
opportunity.
Enjoy the place, enjoy theblessing that you've been given.
Sometimes we don't realize howfortunate we are by being
(16:51):
somewhere, by working somewhere,by being friends with someone.
We have to take stock in all ofthe blessings that we have and
never assume that you're notworthy of it.
This happens when you're datingtoo, by the way you end up
overthinking and thinking oh myGod, this person didn't call me
at exactly two minutes later, sothat means that they don't like
me.
That means that I must not begood enough.
(17:11):
Why haven't they called me?
These are thoughts that takeover and you have to make sure
that you monitor those andrecognize it so that in the
future you're not drivingyourself crazy.
Just enjoy the moment.
Enjoy the time that you havewherever you are, and make it
count.
Have a good story to tell.
(17:32):
If you're someone who believesthat either your coworker or
someone you manage is displayingthese signs of imposter
syndrome, take some time to getto know them.
Set up a meeting with them.
Ask them how they're doing.
Chances are they may sayeverything is fine, but offer
them help anyway.
Let them know that you areavailable, that whenever they
(17:55):
need someone to provide guidanceor advice, you can be there for
them.
Show them that you genuinelywant to help them, that you want
them to succeed.
And you can't be performativein this.
You have to actually do thework so that you can build a
sense of trust, so that theyfeel like they belong.
If they're doing somethingreally well, tell them, let them
(18:15):
know.
Give them public praisewhenever you can.
In the Navy we used to alwayssay critique in private but
praise in public, and I'vealways taken that with me
because it does do wonders forsomeone's self-esteem.
It also helps build that senseof trust, knowing that you don't
want to make me look bad infront of people, which is
(18:36):
essentially what someone withimposter syndrome worries about
all the time.
Let them know that they're notalone and that you're there to
support them.
In closing, you have to rememberthat we are all new at
something at some point in ourlives.
We're not born knowing anythingat all.
We grow by learning about theworld and our surroundings.
(18:58):
The expectation that we mustexcel at everything we do
oftentimes stems from achildhood wound, where we are
taught to never stop working,never stop achieving.
Here's the thing.
We also have to stop and smellthe roses and enjoy the fruit of
our labor.
We're constantly trying toone-up ourselves and because of
that there is never a dedicatedtime to just be, to savor all of
(19:22):
the accomplishments that we'veearned, because, yes, they've
been earned.
So continue to celebrate yourwins and give yourself grace
when you start something new.
In the end, we're all human,even the people you believe are
the geniuses in the room arealso insecure and unsure at
times.
They probably experienceimposter syndrome, just like you
(19:44):
.
I'm pretty sure of that.
So the truth is that you don'tknow how many people admire what
you do and are inspired by yourwork, your abilities.
You may not hear it all thetime or at all, but there is
someone out there who is proudof you, who is inspired by you
(20:05):
and all you have accomplished.
When you look at yourself inthe mirror today, tell yourself
I am strong, I am smart, I cando anything I set my mind to,
and you can add a little shimmyin there too.
Well, I would.
I definitely will.
So remember every day is aninvitation to show up.
Show the world just how amazingyou are and don't let anyone
(20:30):
tell you different.
That is all for this week.
Don't forget to like, share andsubscribe.
Once again, thank you so muchfor listening to the Main Allure
podcast.
I am your host, lauraura, anduntil next time, bye.
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