Episode Transcript
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*inaudible*
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on
it
the
Yo, yo, yo, it's your boy Mr. Broskiii.
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And it's a Poet's Heart.
And we're here bringing you the Midnight Exchange.
And on episode two of our series, Marriage Versus Fantasy.
Oh, my bad.
Fantasy versus reality.
Oh my God.
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Were you the type of person that wanted marriage?
Oh my God, you're not going to talk to me.
You're not going to say, hey, y'all, I hope you're having a great day.
I hope you're having a great night.
Bless much like nothing.
Like.
Okay, niggas and niggas.
Hope your day is going fantastic.
I hope blessings reach you today.
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I hope nothing but good vibes have touched you today.
Now say something.
But anywho, back to the topic.
Right.
I love y'all.
I love you.
I said that already.
Were you the type of person that wanted marriage?
No.
Why not?
Because I was cool with being single until I met my wife and did my whole mindset change.
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But I'm still thinking about it.
Even though I'm married.
Still thinking about what, nigga?
I'm still thinking about it.
You know, I can always go back to the single life.
No, you can't, baby.
Anywho, you know.
Anywho, did I want to get married?
Nah, because I was cool with being single.
Like I was cool with just, you know, sleeping with different women.
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You know, it was cool.
Like, like I wasn't in no committed relationship with nobody.
Like I was telling everybody what I wanted at the get go.
So hey, that works for me perfectly.
Perfectly.
Oh my God.
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So for me, I wanted marriage until like a certain age.
Like I've always wanted to build a family.
I've always wanted to build a foundation.
I always said that if I was to have children, I wanted to be with my husband.
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But you know, after a while, like I didn't think that would happen for me before I met
you.
So I was kind of in a phase where I was just settling with not being married and being
an auntie that travels.
And yeah, that's where I was at with marriage, honestly.
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OK.
So what did you what do you value most about the idea of marriage or your marriage?
And why is marriage something that you want?
Or like, OK, so now we know you there was a point in time where you did it, but you're
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married now.
So you can speak from the point of view of what do you value about marriage and what
made you want to marry me, your wife?
The first part that made me want to marry you is because you know how to cook.
You know, just put that out there.
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You know, they say that's the that's the key to a man's heart.
And you know how to cook.
So I can't let I can't let you cook for nobody else.
So that's why I married you for real.
Not to fuck with the plan to plan around.
But I don't know.
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It's the it's the process that I've seen on myself, the growth in myself that made me
just want to be like a better man, not just for I just for you, but just for myself.
So the positivity brought me in my life like because I never thought I love anybody like
other did, like my mother, you know.
And then once I lost my mom's is like I really was looking for love for real, for real.
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Like the person I truly love is in the dirt now.
So I'm already looking for love.
But the more the more we got close and the closer we got, you know, came to you.
That kind of just it just changed my whole mindset of things.
Like it is people out there that you could love other than such as such like my mom's
or whatever.
Yeah.
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That's really my personal growth as a man, because the man I am today was not the man
I used to be.
So.
I agree.
For me.
How about you?
Everything about marriage.
Now there's there's some things that was, but I really love the idea of a union and
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a companion that companionship and that growth and building together.
It's like when you're, you know, the last episode we talked about, you know, the different,
you know, a little bit about the different stages of a relationship and how it progresses
over time and over time you grow, you know, to me.
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Like.
My husband is my best friend.
I'm trying not to get emotional.
I'm a little crybaby, but I'm saying like my husband's like my best friend.
And I think every good relationship and every good marriage starts with a friendship.
It's like.
That is what I value the most about marriage is the growth, we're on close together, like
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confining each other, the companionship and building with each other.
Like we're building now doing this podcast is something we do together, whether we are
you or whether, you know, it's a good episode or bad episode.
It's something we're doing together.
And that's one of the things I enjoy the most, the building, the growth, like that's what
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I've wanted.
Like, and now planning a family.
That's what I wanted.
That's nothing you want to go through with somebody who don't value you and just here
to use you and have sex with you.
No, like that's something that I save for marriage.
It's something that I thought of for my marriage.
And to me, that's something that that I get to see like that's that's my reality.
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Like I fantasized about it all the time.
And now it's come true.
Like I'm living my reality of what I want and what I value most about marriage.
I want that 50 year, 60 year, you know, not that two, three year marriage.
I want that long love that our grandparents had.
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What I want, what I value.
So what's the truth about marriage that no one talks about?
That shit is hard.
Marriage is definitely hard.
I'm not gonna say it's like it's hard, hard, like, but it ain't no easy task for real,
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for real.
Like, what's the fantasy part?
OK.
Let's not forget like the fantasy versus reality.
What's the fantasy about marriage that people paint?
And then what's the reality?
It's all fucking cookies.
It's not.
That's the fantasy.
They think it's all.
It's easy.
They think it's easy.
They think it's easy.
They think it's easy.
They think it's easy.
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Every after like fairytale love, like don't get me wrong, like.
You can have it.
You can have it.
Yeah.
It is there in it.
But you have to work for that shit.
Yeah.
That ain't no shit that just come because, oh, I love her.
She loves me type shit.
Oh, I'm in love with her.
She's in love with me.
Nah, that shit just don't.
Shit just don't happen like that.
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Like.
It just don't like you got to be willing to fight for it.
Like.
Sometimes marriage is going to be 95 15.
Yeah.
You know, when we talk about me cooking, you know, that's.
That's a hundred percent.
That's a hundred percent.
Zero percent, like.
Cook her fried fish though.
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She like my fried fish.
It's fried fish.
Oh my God.
And I'm really trying.
That's that's probably like the one time I'll be like, OK, baby, you price some fish.
Cut off on my little diet and sheep for a little day and doze a little bit.
But no, I mean.
Marriage is hard.
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I remember like.
When we got married, it's kind of like even when he proposed, like.
Well, do you know what you're doing?
No.
Do you know what you're doing?
No.
Well, I guess we're going to figure it out.
It's like.
I'm sure they have books out there about marriage, but we never had them.
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You know, you see witness love, old love.
Oh, yeah, parents or grandparents or, you know, whatever.
Figure you have in your life has been, you know, married for a while.
You witnessed it, but it's like when it's your turn, you you don't know what to do.
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And a book can only tell you so much.
So marriage is hard, but it's so rewarding.
I think.
We look at movies and we expect.
That's what it's going to be like when I'm love.
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That's what it's going to be like when I get married.
And then when it's not going that way, it's like we're so quick to give up.
Like.
That's the fantasy versus reality.
Like this is this is real.
You really have to put in work to get to that 30 or more year love, like not even 30, like
that five or more.
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First of all, the first year is the hardest.
The first year is the hardest.
We want to discuss that, but I'm saying like it takes.
Time, love, forgiveness and God, you can't do it without God.
So on that note, when do you think is OK to fight and when is it OK to walk away from?
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Always give it your last.
But no one to push you first.
I feel like.
In a marriage and everybody is different, but I feel like in a marriage you can try
a little bit more like you're committed, good, bad, ugly and depending on how long it took
you to get married, you're still learning each other, you know?
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So like for us, like.
We've been together like a little over two years, which may seem crazy to some people,
but we were engaged within like seven months.
I think.
That's him.
But I don't remember the cemetery very much.
Like less than 10 months.
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We got together in September.
You proposed to me in May.
I guess I really love you.
Yeah, but I'm saying like that's what I'm saying.
I'm saying like we've been together.
We've been together.
We've been together.
Well, whatever.
We've been together two years and we've been married for one of those years.
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So that just speaks numbers.
You know what I mean?
Like some people are together way, way longer.
They've had time to get to know each other like everybody's experience and love is different.
Ours was just, you know, a little bit faster, not as fast as most, but everybody's different.
Everybody's path to marriage is different.
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Ours was just a little bit faster.
And I felt like we were still getting to know each other when we got engaged and we got
married.
We were still getting to know each other.
So there had to be forgiveness.
There had to be some fight or there would have been a non giving up, you know?
Because always I think when you're married, there's a little more like I have to fight
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for this.
I can't let this be like for me, it's like I don't want to be my marriage to be another
statistic when I can give it more like and I've seen in myself compared to other past
relationships.
I want to give it more.
I want to give my marriage all of me.
You know what I mean?
Every ounce of me.
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And then if something happens and I can at least look back and be like, I gave that everything,
you know, that's when you walk away.
When you don't gave it every fucking ounce and you don't pray about it.
You got all the red flags to walk away.
You are mentally, physically, emotionally, like mentally drained.
Like it's time to walk away when you've lost yourself.
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Sometimes we get so lost in loving somebody else, no matter what stage of relationship
we in, we forget about ourselves.
And I think when there is no more love, love, there is hate, there's verbal abuse, physical
abuse, there's time to walk away.
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But if there's genuine love and there's just, you know, those flaws and mishaps, you can
fight through it.
We fought through it.
You can fight through it.
And it'll be so much more to value.
Like that's those are the things you want to value.
I fought for my marriage till I couldn't fight no more.
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And we ended up on the other end of things.
What about you?
I mean, you pretty much said everything that needed to be said about fighting for love.
You know, love could be a lot of things and love could make you do a lot of things.
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But I want to say, I'm going to say this.
Love conquers all.
Amen.
Love conquers all.
Love conquers all.
Like if you truly love each other, I ain't talking about like that, that one sided love
that some of y'all be in.
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But I'm talking about when y'all both love each other, when y'all both truly in love
with each other, like not just because a nigga say I love you, a female say she love you.
Like, nah, it's not like that.
Like when it comes to love for real, that's the only, that's one thing that needs to be
50-50 in a relationship.
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Most definitely is love.
That's the most thing that need to be 50-50.
Cause I can't love you 85% and you only got 15 for me.
Like, nah, that'll never work out.
Like you got to make sure your love conquers all.
You got to make sure it's love from both.
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Like both y'all got to love each other.
Both y'all got to be willing to fight.
And sometimes you got to be willing to change for your spouse.
Like you can't be stuck in your ways just to be stuck in your ways.
Like sometimes you got to realize your own flaws.
Vice versa.
Like y'all both got to realize each other's flaws.
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Like be willing to, I'm not saying call each other out on it.
Like just be like, oh, you this, you that.
Now have a sit down conversation, deep convo, like go out, take a walk by the water.
Or if you ain't got a water, like just sit out back and just talk for her.
Find a little quiet time and y'all can just talk about whatever y'all got to talk about.
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You got to keep that communication.
I think that's one big thing I struggle with.
First of all, I was one of the people that just give up.
I'm like, whatever, man.
Like I ain't dealing with this.
And I had to learn is different.
I'm married.
I can't just, while I can just get up and walk away, that's very immature and childish.
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And I had to learn to communicate better.
And I had to learn first of all, how to communicate without being angry.
I had to think before I spoke and even if it came out angry, I had to know when to apologize.
I had to know when to cool off enough to communicate calmly.
Because there are, if you communicate, you communicate in, but you're yelling, what are
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they listening to?
So that communication is a big thing.
You won't have, you can have nothing if you don't have good communication.
Marriage is nothing but a really, really good stable relationship with paperwork.
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That's all it is.
A really good relationship with paperwork, but not everybody can conquer.
I read, let's look at some statistics.
I did read an article though, where they said that.
Okay, so the marriage rates, I think up until like 20, 24, 23, 24 is what they have, has,
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okay, so the amount of marriages that are lasting has decreased.
People are marrying later in life and people are getting divorced sooner than they were
in our early years in the 1900s, early 2000s.
And also during COVID, there was a decrease of divorces.
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But my take on that is, so you know, a hardship will really rekindle love if you no longer
have it.
And we're gonna touch on that, the struggles and the love and all that and how to keep
it in.
It's sad, but it's also not.
Sometimes we get so caught up in life, we forget to love one another.
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Days turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, then you hear us down the line, like the affection's
gone.
It's sad because COVID was very, very traumatic for a lot of people in the world.
But I think the statistics don't surprise me that much because it makes sense when your
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spouse is sick, you know, through sickness and health.
Your spouse is sick, you know, they get on their deathbed, you know, when you don't know
if you're gonna make it because so many people haven't.
That brings out a different side.
I think that brings out more compassion, more understanding, more time to confess how you
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really feel, apologize for those things.
And there you go, you got your new beginning right here.
And I mean, statistic wise, now marriages are lasting less, less than I think two to
three years.
And to me, that's no surprise.
You don't find a lot of people now in society that have the same values on marriage, that
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value a marriage.
They don't even value their spouse, their spouse.
If you don't value who you're with, it won't last.
Marriage won't walk away.
So I think now they are so stuck on the fantasy aspect of what a marriage is and what love
is.
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And with that, you're gonna end up losing them.
You will end up losing them.
Your marriage won't last as long as it did back in the day because they knew how to love
each other.
They knew how to talk to each other.
They knew they weren't so busy on 50-50.
They weren't worrying about if the man or the woman is proposing like that.
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Man was the man.
There was no, I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman making more than
a man.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a woman doing a man's job.
What I'm saying, in today's society, there's women wanting to be men and men having characteristics
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of women.
There's just no more like actual firm, I'm the man of the house.
There's the lack of respect, the lack of submission.
I think for me, I had to learn to submit.
I'm really strong on that.
If you find the right person, you'll submit no matter how independent you are.
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That's not gonna take away any of your independence.
It's still gonna show.
But you have to know when to submit.
Now it's just not the same.
Some people don't know how to submit.
They don't know what it looks like because they've never seen that love.
So the statistics now don't really surprise me, honestly.
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It's just when you see how different it is, it's like, wow, how do we get that old love
back?
How do we get those old values of marriage back?
Why is it something, why would people rather be alone than be with someone if we were made
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to be with someone?
So let's see.
The struggles.
What are the struggles of maintaining love, passion, and trust over time in a marriage?
I wouldn't say I know too many struggles because I'm not that deep into it.
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We're not that deep into marriage.
It was our first year going on our second.
Yeah, but first year is the hardest.
First year is the hardest.
So let's re- I say not giving up.
You can't give up, especially in the beginning.
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So let's say how do you maintain the love and passion?
It's a rocky road for sure, for sure.
But maintaining love, you can do simple things like have days where y'all talk, have days
where y'all pray together.
Something that's going to bring the love in.
You know what I'm saying?
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That's pretty much all to it.
You have to find ways that work for you and your spouse.
I could say what worked for us might not work for everybody.
Oh, might not work for no- might not work at all for some people.
You gotta find out what works for you and never stop loving your spouse.
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I think that's one thing with that whole fight, fight or flight is what we're going to call
it.
Fight or flight, that whole fight or flight.
Never stop loving them.
I knew, I knew I loved my husband when I just couldn't walk away without giving it another
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chance.
There are struggles all through your relationship.
You're going to come across, because I mean, the devil doesn't want anything good to prosper.
Our marriage has had its struggles in the first two years.
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Well year, year, we can say year marriage.
But really when I look back on it now, it was nothing.
I'm sorry y'all.
I'm a damn cat.
But I'm saying when I look back on our marriage, like everything was happening because we were
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allowing the devil to take over.
We were allowing the devil to plant negativity around us.
We were a sidetrack.
We stopped praying more.
We stopped praying together.
And with that, you will become under attack.
When we started praying more, started compromising with each other, communicating better, you
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know, 360.
You know, when you forgive, you gotta forgive and you can't stop loving.
I'm not saying something's, I'm not saying everything's forgivable because everything
is not.
But when you've decided like to forgive and still keep loving and to not let the devil
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win, put it in God's hand, like anything, relationship, marriage will always prosper.
I'm blessed to have a spouse that believes in God like I do.
I really am blessed and I cannot speak for everybody, but I can speak for our marriage
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and what God has done for our marriage and those struggles.
It's really to me just a struggle of who I was and who I am becoming.
Me battling the person that wouldn't take this, wouldn't take that, give up easy.
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And now I'm trying to get to know this person that want to keep trying and I'm confused
trying to figure out, you know, what's going on in this?
It's nothing.
You just, you're loving different.
You have somebody who values you and who respects you and it's different.
That's different.
It's not a regular fling.
It's not just lust.
How you got somebody God sent for you that you asked for and for me, like that is the
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main struggle for me, maintaining the love you never stop fighting for.
Always, always do whatever you can or rekindle the love.
Have those date nights.
Get those, get a movie night going.
You know what I mean?
Like you said, go out for a walk or something, you know, anything.
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Get in the car, laugh, joke, like keep the passion, keep the love alive.
Never stop dating your spouse.
Trust like don't break that trust.
And if you do like work twice as hard to get it back, like I've had to do that.
But when you genuinely love and are in love with someone and you really see them for them,
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trusting them again will come second nature.
Once you forgive them, I think forgiveness is a big thing.
If you can't forgive your spouse and your marriage and you want to keep throwing up those
things, you know, I would talk about the last episode and keep throwing up what you did
here, what you did there.
You can't truly forgive them.
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You can't truly get over it.
Walk away because marriage is hard.
Marriage is not easy.
There's no telling what may happen that caused you to not trust your spouse.
But it's up to you ultimately if you want to keep trusting them, if you want to keep
loving them and if you want to stay.
And through every struggle, first year, second year, whatever, our first year, every struggle,
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I chose to keep trying.
I chose to stay.
And in the end, I can't say I received a greater reward.
Like this my nigga, this my friend, my lover.
Like I can confide in my husband.
I've changed for myself because it was what we needed.
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I couldn't have been my old self in my marriage.
And I think that is the biggest reality.
You can't bring your old self into a stable foundation because marriage is a stable foundation.
You bring your old self in not wanting to fix it, not wanting to improve.
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Just with a mind frame, you're going to accept my flaws.
That's it.
Like some flaws are just your carelessness.
Like they can be fixed.
You got to want to fix it.
Me, I used to not care and I didn't give a damn.
I didn't care.
I didn't give a damn whether I told you I didn't care or not.
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I put me over anything, but I have to realize now it ain't just about me.
It ain't just about my feelings.
Even sometimes when I feel like it is, I have to sit back and, baby, I'm sorry.
You know, like I have to apologize even though I don't like apologizing.
I have to fight the bullet.
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That's the fantasy versus reality.
The struggles, hardships, the ugly, that's what brings that good.
That's what brings that happy marriage that everybody see, you know, and keeping people
out of your business.
That's what keeps home a safe haven.
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I love my marriage.
I love my man.
I don't give a fuck.
I tell anybody.
I really do.
I really do.
Oh, my God.
Stop it.
Like for real, for real, like I'm going to tell you one thing.
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When they ready, they ready.
That's relationship marriage.
Like man, me and my husband are a real live Guapo house story.
I swear to God, like I used to be so scared to talk to him.
I was so nervous, but I had the biggest crush on him.
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And you know, I had before I met him, like I was in a place where I was ready to settle
down.
I didn't want to really keep messing around with everybody.
I was tired of doing that.
I had done it for years.
Like I was still in school.
I was working.
I was ready for God to place me in someone's life to be a wife.
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I was ready to be a wife and I prayed on it.
I manifested on it and he sent me deep.
And I can tell you, I didn't know what to expect.
I remember our first time meeting up outside of work, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings.
She asked me to be her boyfriend.
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Oh my God, he's lying.
I was so nervous, sweating bullets.
Like there was about to close.
I'm eating like, should I text him?
And I text him and he pulled up.
And so I just ordered all types of drinks.
Like I'm like, maybe I should get him drunk.
And then I ordered, I'm looking at the drinks while I'm waiting.
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I'm like, oh my God, he gonna think I'm alcoholic.
He gonna think I'm trying to get in his pants.
Like maybe I shouldn't have ordered.
But then like everything just clicked.
And when I imagined finding a husband and being in love, I never imagined that.
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Everything just clicked.
And I remember he asked me if I wanted to take a risk with him.
Well, that talk game was blue, where?
You told me you want no slit talk.
I told you, a little slit talk.
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And unintentionally, I was like, yeah.
And I was like, wait a minute, let me think about it.
And I thought, and I was like, yeah, it just felt right.
And don't get me wrong, I was talking to Hardin.
Like a little Ceasar Peaks.
So nigga, please.
Don't get me wrong.
I was talking and dealing with people at the time, but nothing serious.
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And that's why I always like say, if they want you, they gonna get you.
Like to me, I'm gonna tell you what I thought about that.
And I didn't know, I didn't know where we would end up.
I didn't know.
I just knew, I told him I'm gonna give you what?
A week?
And a week, well, no, I think.
No, two weeks.
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And he gave me a week and didn't say nothing.
He really gave me a week to see if he was gonna like me as his girlfriend.
Because he asked me to be his girlfriend on that same night.
And I was like, okay, we're gonna give it a two week try run and see if we like him
then.
I mean, hey, look, two years later, I guess he liked it.
But I'm saying like, he saw what he wanted.
He saw something he didn't want to let go.
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And I will never stop telling people about that.
Like that is love.
That's love that you can't explain.
It happens fast.
It happens certain.
But honestly, it's all planned.
God planned it.
You asked for it.
You just didn't know how it was gonna come to you.
You didn't know what it was gonna look like.
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But you asked for it.
And that's what you got.
So you either gonna fight for it or not.
Every time I fought, every time I sat there crying, upset, mad, it's like I'm fighting
because it's what I was destined for.
This is what I asked for.
This is what God had planned for me.
And I believe in any relationship, serious relationship, engagement, marriage, they're
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never gonna stop loving you.
You're gonna know they're always gonna choose you.
They're only gonna have eyes for you.
Stop talking to multiple people for long spans of time that know you in and out, know when
you upset.
And then you have somebody come ready to snatch you up.
(35:43):
I ain't saying it work in everybody case.
It just work in my case.
So I was willing to drop everybody for him.
He ain't no Twitter.
I wasn't playing that shit.
Yeah.
He, I be telling y'all he beats on me.
Nah, I'm gonna stop joking.
I'm joking.
Now he put me in a chicken wing though.
Anyway.
Chicken wing, chicken wing, I love them alone.
(36:07):
What is the fantasy versus reality from a married couple's perspective?
Everybody's marriage is different.
And sometimes people marry people they never should have been married to.
Sometimes we don't get to know each other enough.
And we're not willing to put in the work to finish getting to know one another to see
(36:30):
if maybe that's my person, maybe not.
When people reveal themselves later, when they done got everything they wanted.
You know, everybody's walk is different.
All I can do is speak from our walk, from the struggles we've had in our first year
and where we're at now.
We're on the other side.
We've been blessed to see both sides, the good, the bad, the ugly.
(36:55):
And we're on the other side.
We're the fantasy.
Now we're getting to live that fairytale, what everybody wishes and dreams of, that
laying up, laughing and joking over nothing, watching movies and shit.
That's the fantasy.
But you know, we had to go through the reality of marriage, the hardships.
(37:18):
And honestly, it ain't that hard if you pray on it.
And if you're willing to work through it.
All of these things are minor hiccups.
So yeah.
Alrighty.
So it's time for the midnight thought of the day.
(37:42):
Very well.
Let's get to it.
Midnight thought of the day is marriage the fairytale we imagine or the reality we create.
We grow up believing in soulmates, grand gestures, and happily ever after.
(38:04):
But it's real love about the magic or about choosing each other, other or choosing each
other even with the magic phase.
My bad y'all.
Is real love about the magic or about choosing each other even when the magic phase.
(38:25):
We're going to leave y'all with that thought for today.
It was nice having y'all.
We're going to see y'all for the next one.
Goodnight...