December 4, 2025 • 30 mins
The Mystic & The Skeptic Podcast 1 2
What do you do when your personal growth feels like it’s putting a big ol’ strain on your relationship? If you've ever felt like you’re outgrowing your partner—or vice versa—you’re definitely not alone, and we’re diving right into that meaty topic today. I'm Heatherleigh, the Mystic, and this is my partner-in-crime, Paul the Skeptic. We've been navigating this wild world of spiritual awakenings together for nearly 30 years, and let me tell you, it's been a rollercoaster! We’re here to share our insights and experiences about the friction that can arise when one partner experiences an awakening while the other feels like they’re stuck in a rut. We’ll chat about recognizing those tricky threat responses and how to maintain connection and respect as you each walk your own unique paths. So grab your headphones and let’s get this conversation rolling—it's going to be a ride!
In a world where personal growth often feels like a rollercoaster ride, Heatherleigh and Paul tackle the bumpy terrain of spiritual awakening in relationships. They open up about their own journey, where Heatherleigh’s unexpected awakening led to a whirlwind of changes that Paul struggled to keep up with. Imagine your partner suddenly wanting to meditate three times a day while you’re just trying to figure out what’s for dinner—that’s the kind of dynamic they’re exploring today!
Throughout the episode, they share their experiences of feeling disconnected during times of growth. Paul reflects on how he initially felt left behind, while Heatherleigh describes her excitement at the new doors opening in her life. They talk about the importance of communication, and how navigating this tricky territory requires a solid dose of empathy and curiosity. It’s easy to let ego take the wheel, leading to feelings of inadequacy and the fear of losing your partner. The key takeaway here is recognizing these patterns and choosing to support each other instead of allowing distance to grow.
Drawing from personal anecdotes, the couple illustrates their contrasting approaches to problems—Paul, the fixer, and Heatherleigh, the intuitive. Their discussions reveal that differing perspectives can actually strengthen a relationship, provided both partners are willing to engage and learn from each other. This episode is rich with humor and warmth, making it a delightful listen for anyone who’s ever felt the strain of personal growth in a partnership. Tune in to discover how to turn potential threats into opportunities for deeper connection and understanding, and don’t miss their next episode, where they’ll delve into the heavy questions of whether to stay together or part ways when the going gets tough!
Takeaways:
- When personal growth feels like a threat to your relationship, it's important to communicate openly about your feelings and experiences.
- Navigating different spiritual journeys together can create friction; recognizing and honoring each other's paths is key to a harmonious relationship.
- Your awakening journey might feel lonely, but understanding that both partners grow at different speeds can foster compassion and patience between you.
- The ego can create a false sense of division during times of growth, so it's crucial to stay aware of your thoughts and feelings to avoid unnecessary conflicts.
Links referenced in this episode:
Links referenced in this episode:
Mentioned in this episode:
K9 Spirit Guides: The Healing Power of Man's Best Friend
Read Heatherleigh Strom's award winning book...
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
What do you do when your ownpersonal growth feels like it's threatening
the very foundation of your relationship?
If you've ever felt thatyou're outgrowing your partner or
that your partner'stransformation is leaving you behind,
you are not alone.
Hi, I'm Heatherleigh, the Mystic.
(00:21):
And I'm Paul the Skeptic.
We've been together for almost30 years. I live in a magical world
filled with synchronicities,messages, mirrors, and cosmic wisdom.
I live rooted in logic,science, data, and spreadsheets,
very tethered to visible reality.
And yet together, we make it work.
We support each other, knowingwe're on different journeys with
(00:43):
different perspectives and purposes.
We created this podcast tohelp you find your own middle ground,
whether you're in arelationship, a marriage, or a partnership.
To offer tools andconversations for navigating the
friction that can arise when awakening.
Happens at different speeds ordoesn't happen at all. All we'll
(01:04):
share what we've discovered inour own conscious coupling and give
you insights, practices, andclarity that have the.
Potential to support yourunion at a whole new level of consciousness
and respect. Keep in mind, weare not licensed therapists.
We're just sharing ourpersonal experiences with you.
Welcome to the mystic and theSkeptic. Welcome to the mystic and
(01:29):
the Skeptic. I'm your host, Heatherleigh.
I'm Paul.
We have a really powerfulepisode for you today. We're going
to be talking about whenawakening feels like a threat. What
happens when your growthcreates a distance in your relationship?
(01:51):
So when I went through myawakening back in 2022, it took us
both by surprise because Iwasn't looking for it and I hadn't
done any research on. Justsort of happened, and it happened
very quickly. Within sixmonths, I was a completely different
(02:13):
person. And this took both ofus by surprise, didn't it?
It did, yes. In the past, we'dboth, you know, done things together,
but also then done things onour own. And I expect this just to
be another one of those thingsthat Heatherleigh di on her own
and was really shocked whenshe wanted me to go down this path
(02:35):
with her and to share thisexperience with her. You know, I
didn't really know how toreact to that, and it wasn't something
that I felt called to do orreally even understood.
Yeah, it was really. It was adifficult time for us, really. And
that's why we're sharing inthis podcast, because so many people
(02:57):
have already been throughthis. They're going through it now,
or they're going to be goingthrough it, through it in the future.
It's a tough place. You know,there's a lot of change happening
all at once. And when you gothrough an awakening, you can kind
of feel really insecurebecause suddenly things that were
important to you are no longerimportant. And you kind of want to
(03:17):
change your entire life tobecome more in alignment with this
new version of you that you'rebecoming. So it's a tricky time for
both of us, and a lot of timesyour partner is not going to want
to go with you. So, you know,there's always that conversation
as to, should I keep going inthis relationship, this marriage,
should we, you know, call itquits and should I be on my own doing
(03:40):
what I need to do? So that'salways the question. But first we
want to talk about. One of thethings we discovered was that we
were on completely differentpages, different levels, different
dynamics. And it's almost likewe didn't speak the same language
anymore. I was speaking thelanguage of a spiritual person, and
(04:03):
my husband was speaking, let'scall it earth language, maybe a very
3D grounded reality. So we'rein two very different places. And
my values really changed. Soas I became more awakened, I wanted
to do different things.Suddenly I'm wanting to meditate
three times a day. I'm readingall of these spiritual books. I want
(04:27):
to take trips to spiritualplaces. You know, go to Egypt and
Peru. And instead of what wehad planned, which was stuff that,
you know, trips that we tookin the RV together. So a lot of that
changed. And also I had thisreally intense desire for a deeper
connection, a deeper heartconnection with my spouse. Right.
(04:50):
Like, I wanted to have thesereally deep, intense, emotional conversations
together. And I don't think mypartner felt the same way.
Felt like Heatherleigh wa ona journey that she wanted me to go
with her on, but she leftwithout me and didn't even leave
(05:10):
a map behind for me to follow.So I wasn't even sure where to go
to find her at times.
Yeah, that must have beenhard. Like, you know, I was so excited
to be going through thisprocess. So it was hard for me to
realize how left behind heprobably felt because I was in this
(05:31):
state of complete joy andspontaneity and connection. And I
don't think I looked behind. Idon't think I looked in the mirror
to see where he was at.
And I think you'd say that itwas continual change and growth.
So it wasn't even like you gotto a place where I Could kind of
then figure that out. Like, assoon as I maybe got close to understanding
(05:52):
what was going on, you werealready moved on to someplace else.
Yeah, that's being fluid. Andit's a constant process. You know,
spiritual awakening isn't justone thing that happens and then you
stay there once the dooropens, it's like this continual process
of knowledge, remembering,downloads, connection. You just keep
(06:15):
going to the next level andthe next level and the next level.
So those of us who areawakening, we don't really know where
we're going, but it's excitingbecause we're happy about it. And
it's something we've kind ofalways, on some level, we always
knew we were going to get tothis point. So it's kind of like
finally graduating fromcollege after trying for 30 years.
(06:37):
Right. You're really exciting.Here it is the moment I've always
wanted. And so you can getwrapped up in that and not realize
that your. Your partner, notonly do they not want to join you,
but they're kind of being leftbehind in the dust. That was kind
of hard for both of us becauseI felt let down because he wasn't
(06:59):
with me and he. He was feelingleft behind because he couldn't really
stay with me even if he wanted to.
I think, you know, when we'remountain biking, at times if you're
in a group, you know, ifeveryone's not working together,
well, you can have a casewhere the stronger riders get to
the summit and leave behindthe slower riders. And by the time
(07:22):
those slower riders finallyget to the top, the, you know, the
front folks are annoyed thatit took so long for them to get there
and then they're ready to go,so they take off before or they have
a chance to rest and take inthe view. So, you know, we gotta
figure out how to. To. To bewilling to slow down for those that
are moving slower and givethem time to. To grow and appreciate
(07:45):
it. And, you know, also thosethat are, you know, dragging behind
maybe just need to learn howto not so much keep up, but just
put in the effort to. To beable to. You'll ride at a pace that's
comfortable for everyone.
(08:54):
Yeah. And I think one thingthat I had to come to terms with
was just being able to stay inmy own lane as far as this was concerned,
and not be worried about whatlane you were in. I just started
to focus on me and my journeyand things I needed to do and the
(09:15):
growth I needed to pursue. Allthe homework I had and didn't worry
about what he was doing, youknow, because at first I wanted him
to catch up. And once Ifinally settled down and realized
it might not even be apossibility, he may never, never
be at the same level I am, Ijust had to be okay with that. Not
(09:39):
everybody's going to be on thesame journey. And, you know, I hear
that a lot. I've said that alot before, but now I really get
it. Here we are in a marriage,and We've been married 25 years now,
almost 26, and we have thiscommon ground together, but really,
(10:01):
we're each in our differentlane with our own objectives, our
own reason for being here, andwhat we want to achieve in our lifetime,
whether it's conscious orsubconscious. And you have to honor
that. Right. We're not thesame, really. So you just have to
be okay sitting in your ownspace and realizing that you might
(10:25):
be alone in that space and betotally okay with it.
Right. I mean, I think it'dalmost be strange if you were doing
everything together in lockand step, you know, that doesn't
provide. You don't challengeeach other that way. If you're both,
you know, walking the samepath. Exactly. By walking different
paths at times, we canchallenge each other, be there to
(10:47):
pick each other up, bringdifferent perspectives into our relationship,
and, you know, value thatdifference between us rather than
using that difference to driveus apart.
Yeah. And now that I'm reallyseeing the differences between us,
I'm starting to really lean onthose differences. So there's parts
of Paul that really completeme because it's a part that I maybe
(11:11):
am weak in or I'm notinterested in. Like, he manages all
our finances because I have nointerest in doing any of that stuff.
He's. He's the fixer, youknow, if we have a problem, he's
great at fixing problems.Right. So I'm just leaning into it
because now that I have a veryspecific goal for myself, I spend
(11:32):
all my energy there, and Ijust allow him to do what he's good
at, and it makes for a great combination.
And even though I'm the fixerof problems, Heatherleigh ha gotten
much better at dealing withproblems than in the past. In the
past, if we were on a campingtrip and something didn't go to plan,
she really struggled withthat. And I think that I was able
(11:57):
to help her understand thatthings are going to go well. There's
going to be bumps in the road,and we'll recover from all those.
That's all part of thejourney. We can't just check out
and let the other person, youknow, do their strength. We need
to be engaged and to not onlylet them do the things that they're
good at, but also appreciateit and learn from it to grow in our
(12:21):
own way.
Well said. I think we shouldshare the story about the last time
we drove out to Colorado andour engine blew up. Because that's
a great example of how thiscan really work to your advantage
and also how to sort ofcompartmentalize a near disaster.
(12:42):
Right. So we were driving fromIndiana to Colorado in our hauling
our RV, our 40 foot trailer,in our diesel truck. We were, we
were 12 hours into the drive.I think we were trying to do an almost
impossible haul on that firstday, almost like a 15 hour haul.
(13:03):
We got up at 4 o' clock in themorning. So we were right at that
12 hour mark and we're twohours from our first layover and
the engine starts leaking fuel.
Yes. I was driving and all ofa sudden the truck announced cutting
power to engine. And at thesame time the check engine light
came on. So it seemed like inslow motion. But I was trying to
(13:26):
decide, you know, I looked upand saw there was an off ramp and
was trying to figure out if Ishould drive all the way up the off
ramp before stopping. Andthat's when this big cloud of black
smoke came pouring out of thefront of our truck. So I pulled over,
luckily at least onto a littlebit onto the off ramp and got the
(13:46):
truck stopped. We both jumpedout. Heatherleigh informe me that
there was a large puddle ofdiesel fuel on the ground and fortunately
the truck didn't catch fireand we got stopped in time in a relatively
safe place. But this threwquite the wrench in our plans for
the day and for the trip in general.
(14:07):
Yeah, well, the trip actuallywas perfect, but at that moment we
weren't sure what was going tohappen. So we're on a very busy interstate
with lots of traffic and verylittle shoulder roof. And we had
the only shoulder availablefor the next five miles, which is
what the police officerinformed us. So we went into our
(14:27):
respective strengths. At thatmoment, Paul starts figuring out
whether he can fix it. Right.Because he's Mr. Fix It. So I start
figuring out, okay, what'sthis about energetically, what's
happening? Like were wesupposed to stop because something
was gonna happen if we didn'tstop? Did we push it too? Because
(14:49):
that was way too long of ahaul on a really hot day because
this was in July, I think, youknow, and what does all this mean?
What steps do we need to takenext? So I went into my calm center
because I didn't want to getinto the chaos and make it worse,
to start offering franticsolutions, frantic scenarios that
(15:15):
would only spiral us into abigger problem. So we sort of went
off on our own paths and didour thing. And I also called for
roadside service at the sametime to cover my bases and when I
really connected in to theenergy of the scenario. Because the
(15:37):
first thing I ask is, is theresomething that I've done that's created
this? Because this could be areflection for me to be aware of?
And I got no. So I was like,wow, I didn't create this. I'm so
happy. Right. But still, I'min it. So I'm just choosing to hold
(15:58):
my calm. And this is sounusual for me. Usually if this had
happened, I'd be goingfrantic. My head would be spinning.
I'd be thinking of all thescenarios that could be happening
next, worrying about where I'mgoing to stay tonight, am I going
to make it to my nextdestination? Which we did not. And
what ended up happening wasjust beautiful. You want to give
(16:23):
a quick description of whathappened next, Paul?
Well, I had a general idea ofwhat part had the issue. And fortunately,
then the state patrol stoppedby and gave me a ride into town.
The local auto place did havethat part. When she brought me back,
I was able to fix the truckand we were able to get moving again.
(16:47):
Yeah. So we weren't real sure.The truck was still a little bit
dicey as far as the electricalinformation we were getting on the
dashboard. We made it a couplemiles down the interstate and we
thought, something's notright. Let's pull off. Let's go to
the gas station, check it out.So as we're pulling off the interstate
at that exit is the Forddealer. As we're sitting at the gas
(17:11):
station, realizing thatsomething's still not right with
the engine, we're going tohave to leave it at the dealership.
I also find out that there isan RV park one mile down the road.
So we had shelter. We werecompletely taken care of. And the
RV park was so gracious. Theyhad a spot for us. They actually
(17:35):
set up free cable for usbecause I was a little bit stressed.
And they just welcomed us in.It was such a nice little quaint
community. It was very quiet,peaceful. And we ended up staying
there a couple days because wehad to wait for the dealership to
open. But we just kind ofleaned into it we didn't freak out.
We never made it to ourdestination. We had already paid
(17:57):
for. But we were able tocontinue our trip a couple days later
and get back on the road andget to Colorado. So it all worked
out. And we had to just sortof understand that there was a purpose
in it, there was a reason wewere there in that space, that very
space, because it was a park Ihad considered staying at, and I
(18:20):
had ruled it out. So maybe Ihad just made the wrong choice after
all. But we just made the bestof it, and the rest of the trip was
absolutely beautiful. And itturns out that that was the trip
that we decided to actuallymove to Colorado. So that's a really
good example of how all thiscan come into play. But we want to
(18:45):
mention something else, too,and that's the subconscious threat
response. When you arenavigating this territory with your
partner, you're probably goingto perceive, like, a divide that
happens between you if one isgrowing and the other is not. And
sometimes the trap is when theperson who's advancing or spiritually
(19:11):
growing is going to feel likethere's a lot of distance between
you. And when you look back atyour partner, what you'll notice
are some things maybe youhaven't noticed before. Or you might
have feelings about thechoices your partner's making, that
they're lagging behind, orthey're being stubborn, or they just
(19:33):
can't see you for who you are.So some questions are going to come
up, and you have to be reallycareful with these questions because
they can be really tricky. Theego will start to play games with
you. The hardest part, Ithink, is to listen carefully to
what's happening with yourthoughts, because the ego will trick
(19:56):
you. So one of the thoughtsthat I had as we were going through
this process was, he doesn'twant to come with me. Does he really
deserve to be part of my life?You know, that's an honest question,
really. Does he deserve to beon this path with me? But that's
(20:19):
the ego. That's the egoflipping this into a threat response.
So it's hard to identify whenyou're standing your ground and when
you're being your own personin your sovereignty, or when the
ego is taking over andinviting you into a crisis that's
(20:42):
not there. If you fall for thebait, you can make a real big mess
of all of this. If you see itfor what it is, then it can be cleared
pretty easily, and you canboth continue to move on, even though
one is in a different place oftheir journey than the other. And
you don't know that you areahead of someone else because it's
(21:03):
not a competition. You're justin different places. But that's where,
for me, I had to do some workto really make sure I was seeing
things clearly. I was honoringmyself, but I was also identifying
shadows that were coming upthroughout the process.
Yes. And especially for me,the change can feel like it, you
(21:25):
know, an unstable situation. Ican't really explain this. I don't
see exactly where it's going.It's hard for me to control.
You.
Know, really a lack of controlthere and inability to. To. To, you
know, dictate what directionwe're going. So at the same time,
(21:45):
I. At times, I felt maybe abit irrelevant. You know, this big,
exciting change was happeningfor Heatherleigh an not for me.
So am I still relevant? Is mypath, you know, no longer important?
Because her path is so big andpowerful, and mine at times could
seem to just be boring. So,you know, I think at times, you know,
(22:09):
it's. It's really easy toretreat and just, you know, kind
of put up your defenses andtry to tune out. Thanks to Heatherleigh,
she didn't allow me to nothave the conversation. So we had
a lot of conversations aboutthis. And, you know, I mean, it was
hard at first. I. You know, Ifelt like there were times where
(22:30):
I could have said the easything that would have made her happy,
even if they weren't truthfulto me. And in the long run, those
were. It was. It was hard, butit was the right thing to do, is
just be honest. Certainly wecan change over time. And, you know,
just because you're feelingsomething today doesn't mean you'll
feel it tomorrow. But yourfeelings are valid on both partners,
(22:52):
and you need to be respectfulof how they're feeling, even if you
know they're not in alignmentwith your view at the moment.
Yeah. And this is something Isay in my keynote, and that is that
your struggle isn't yoursetback, it's your initiation. So
this struggle that you'regoing through in your relationship
(23:13):
is an initiation for the nextevolution of you. So it all depends
on how you respond to this asfar as what ends up happening on
the other side. Right. Are yougoing to get better? Become a better
version of you? Because thechoices you make in what seems like
a struggle. Right. In yourrelationship, it's just a bump. And
(23:35):
if you just see it as just abump and you're willing to find your
way through it, and applyyourself and really dig in and see
where do I need to grow here?What is this trying to show me? You
know, what's my role in thisengagement? That's when you really
start to grow, and that's abeautiful thing. And we've grown
(24:00):
so much. Just, just trying toput this podcast together. It really
shows us where our strengthsare. When we sit down and we think
about ourselves and we thinkabout how we each respond to the
relationship and what we eachbring, it really gives us more clarity.
Just being able to put thatdown on paper and share it with you
(24:20):
guys, it's helped usunderstand our relationship a lot
better, don't you think?
I think it does. We definitelyunderstand each other a lot more.
And I think what's importantis do we make sure we celebrate our
partners successes and growththeir journey, not be jealous of
(24:43):
them for the things thatthey're really doing well at or their.
Their victories and successes.And so even if I didn't always understand
the path you were on, I alwayssaw that this was a good thing for
you and that you were growingas a person and that you were more
happy and felt more fulfilledin your life. And so rather than
(25:04):
focus on the differences, Ireally focused on the how. How I
felt this journey was a goodthing for you and how you were becoming
a better person and a happierperson, to be quite honest, through.
This journey, yeah, I wasn'tvery happy for most of my life. And
that hadn't. It wasn't reallya reflection on our relationship
(25:26):
at all. It was just who I was.I wasn't happy. So this has been
a big change. Thank you,honey. But, yeah, it's about being
curious and really flexingthat curiosity muscle in your relationship.
Even though you don'tunderstand what someone else is experiencing
(25:47):
or what's important to them,if you can feel some ounce of curiosity
and express that as such, thenthere's something there still to
work with. Sometimes you haveto fake it. I know Paul. Paul wasn't
initially curious about what Iwas experiencing, where I was going,
(26:09):
because he. We don't have thesame beliefs. So at first he was
just like, nope, not talkingabout it. Don't even want to hear
about it. So conversationswere really tough. And when you have
that mindset, then there isn'tany room for give and take. There
isn't any room forcommunication. So when we identified
(26:33):
that, I think Paul can speakmore about this, but I think he learned
to at least flex that muscleof curiosity and practice it. And
it helped a lot I think it did.
It helped to just, you know,experience it, take it in. You don't
necessarily have to, you know,believe in it, but if your partner
(26:57):
believes in it, then thatshould be good enough for you to
be curious about it and opento hearing about it again. Being
challenged by things that makeyou uncomfortable, that's. That's
how we grow and. And becomebetter people. So even if I don't
am not in completely the sameplace spiritually as Heatherleigh,
I still am in a more spiritualplace than I was a year or two ago.
(27:20):
Yeah, if you call that. Imean, baby spiritual, we'll call
it baby spiritual.
Small victories.
Yeah, small. Small victories,small steps. But that's okay, because
that's his journey. That's theway he wants to do it. And he doesn't
even have to catch up with mebecause I don. I no longer have that
expectation. And that, I thinkalone has created a lot less pressure
for him. And I no longer haveto think about where he's at. I just
(27:43):
walked away from that rolebecause if it's none of my business,
I can focus on other things.Okay, guys, so what's important to
remember and realize is thatit's not about fixing each other
or the relationship. It'sabout finding that overlapping space
that you both share together.One person isn't superior to the
(28:06):
other, and one person isn'tbroken just because they don't want
to join in the. The growthprocess of the other person. So there's
so many different aspects wecould explore in this topic, and
we're just going to leave thatfor future episodes. And I think
(28:27):
next time, we're going to diginto what happens when your spiritual
awakening starts to shake thefoundation of your relationship and
really makes you wonder, canour relationship survive? Because
that's a heavy one. We had tohave that conversation, too, and
(28:49):
it's a hard one to have. Andthat's what we're going to go into
next segment.
In our next episode, we'regoing to get real about that moment
where you ask yourself, shouldI stay or should I go? Because when
your growth feels like athreat, you need more than just hope.
You need clarity.
Yeah, it's a really scarytime. So we're going to be sharing
(29:10):
the five questions that becameour litmus test for can this work
or should we part ways?
If you've ever felt tornbetween your evolution and your relationship,
you won't want to miss thenext episode.
All right, you guys, don'tforget to join us for the backstage
after show. We're going toshare with you how to recognize a
(29:34):
threat response.
We are going to help youcreate a safety ritual, reframe fear
with compassion.
And guide you in how to speakthe unspoken. So be sure and check
that out. You can find thelink to our private Hero app in the
show description. Thank youfor joining us on the mystic and
(29:56):
the Skeptic podcast. I'm yourhost, Heatherleigh.
And I'm Paul.
Until next time, stay curious,stay conscious.
Stay connected, Stay connected.
What do you do when your ownpersonal growth feels like it's threatening
the very foundation of your relationship?
If you've ever felt thatyou're outgrowing your partner or
that your partner'stransformation is leaving you behind,
you are not alone.
Hi, I'm Heatherleigh, the Mystic.
(00:21):
And I'm Paul the Skeptic.
We've been together for almost30 years. I live in a magical world
filled with synchronicities,messages, mirrors, and cosmic wisdom.
I live rooted in logic,science, data, and spreadsheets,
very tethered to visible reality.
And yet together, we make it work.
We support each other, knowingwe're on different journeys with
(00:43):
different perspectives and purposes.
We created this podcast tohelp you find your own middle ground,
whether you're in arelationship, a marriage, or a partnership.
To offer tools andconversations for navigating the
friction that can arise when awakening.
Happens at different speeds ordoesn't happen at all. All we'll
(01:04):
share what we've discovered inour own conscious coupling and give
you insights, practices, andclarity that have the.
Potential to support yourunion at a whole new level of consciousness
and respect. Keep in mind, weare not licensed therapists.
We're just sharing ourpersonal experiences with you.
Welcome to the mystic and theSkeptic. Welcome to the mystic and
(01:29):
the Skeptic. I'm your host, Heatherleigh.
I'm Paul.
We have a really powerfulepisode for you today. We're going
to be talking about whenawakening feels like a threat. What
happens when your growthcreates a distance in your relationship?
(01:51):
So when I went through myawakening back in 2022, it took us
both by surprise because Iwasn't looking for it and I hadn't
done any research on. Justsort of happened, and it happened
very quickly. Within sixmonths, I was a completely different
(02:13):
person. And this took both ofus by surprise, didn't it?
It did, yes. In the past, we'dboth, you know, done things together,
but also then done things onour own. And I expect this just to
be another one of those thingsthat Heatherleigh di on her own
and was really shocked whenshe wanted me to go down this path
(02:35):
with her and to share thisexperience with her. You know, I
didn't really know how toreact to that, and it wasn't something
that I felt called to do orreally even understood.
Yeah, it was really. It was adifficult time for us, really. And
that's why we're sharing inthis podcast, because so many people
(02:57):
have already been throughthis. They're going through it now,
or they're going to be goingthrough it, through it in the future.
It's a tough place. You know,there's a lot of change happening
all at once. And when you gothrough an awakening, you can kind
of feel really insecurebecause suddenly things that were
important to you are no longerimportant. And you kind of want to
(03:17):
change your entire life tobecome more in alignment with this
new version of you that you'rebecoming. So it's a tricky time for
both of us, and a lot of timesyour partner is not going to want
to go with you. So, you know,there's always that conversation
as to, should I keep going inthis relationship, this marriage,
should we, you know, call itquits and should I be on my own doing
(03:40):
what I need to do? So that'salways the question. But first we
want to talk about. One of thethings we discovered was that we
were on completely differentpages, different levels, different
dynamics. And it's almost likewe didn't speak the same language
anymore. I was speaking thelanguage of a spiritual person, and
(04:03):
my husband was speaking, let'scall it earth language, maybe a very
3D grounded reality. So we'rein two very different places. And
my values really changed. Soas I became more awakened, I wanted
to do different things.Suddenly I'm wanting to meditate
three times a day. I'm readingall of these spiritual books. I want
(04:27):
to take trips to spiritualplaces. You know, go to Egypt and
Peru. And instead of what wehad planned, which was stuff that,
you know, trips that we tookin the RV together. So a lot of that
changed. And also I had thisreally intense desire for a deeper
connection, a deeper heartconnection with my spouse. Right.
(04:50):
Like, I wanted to have thesereally deep, intense, emotional conversations
together. And I don't think mypartner felt the same way.
Felt like Heatherleigh wa ona journey that she wanted me to go
with her on, but she leftwithout me and didn't even leave
(05:10):
a map behind for me to follow.So I wasn't even sure where to go
to find her at times.
Yeah, that must have beenhard. Like, you know, I was so excited
to be going through thisprocess. So it was hard for me to
realize how left behind heprobably felt because I was in this
(05:31):
state of complete joy andspontaneity and connection. And I
don't think I looked behind. Idon't think I looked in the mirror
to see where he was at.
And I think you'd say that itwas continual change and growth.
So it wasn't even like you gotto a place where I Could kind of
then figure that out. Like, assoon as I maybe got close to understanding
(05:52):
what was going on, you werealready moved on to someplace else.
Yeah, that's being fluid. Andit's a constant process. You know,
spiritual awakening isn't justone thing that happens and then you
stay there once the dooropens, it's like this continual process
of knowledge, remembering,downloads, connection. You just keep
(06:15):
going to the next level andthe next level and the next level.
So those of us who areawakening, we don't really know where
we're going, but it's excitingbecause we're happy about it. And
it's something we've kind ofalways, on some level, we always
knew we were going to get tothis point. So it's kind of like
finally graduating fromcollege after trying for 30 years.
(06:37):
Right. You're really exciting.Here it is the moment I've always
wanted. And so you can getwrapped up in that and not realize
that your. Your partner, notonly do they not want to join you,
but they're kind of being leftbehind in the dust. That was kind
of hard for both of us becauseI felt let down because he wasn't
(06:59):
with me and he. He was feelingleft behind because he couldn't really
stay with me even if he wanted to.
I think, you know, when we'remountain biking, at times if you're
in a group, you know, ifeveryone's not working together,
well, you can have a casewhere the stronger riders get to
the summit and leave behindthe slower riders. And by the time
(07:22):
those slower riders finallyget to the top, the, you know, the
front folks are annoyed thatit took so long for them to get there
and then they're ready to go,so they take off before or they have
a chance to rest and take inthe view. So, you know, we gotta
figure out how to. To. To bewilling to slow down for those that
are moving slower and givethem time to. To grow and appreciate
(07:45):
it. And, you know, also thosethat are, you know, dragging behind
maybe just need to learn howto not so much keep up, but just
put in the effort to. To beable to. You'll ride at a pace that's
comfortable for everyone.
(08:54):
Yeah. And I think one thingthat I had to come to terms with
was just being able to stay inmy own lane as far as this was concerned,
and not be worried about whatlane you were in. I just started
to focus on me and my journeyand things I needed to do and the
(09:15):
growth I needed to pursue. Allthe homework I had and didn't worry
about what he was doing, youknow, because at first I wanted him
to catch up. And once Ifinally settled down and realized
it might not even be apossibility, he may never, never
be at the same level I am, Ijust had to be okay with that. Not
(09:39):
everybody's going to be on thesame journey. And, you know, I hear
that a lot. I've said that alot before, but now I really get
it. Here we are in a marriage,and We've been married 25 years now,
almost 26, and we have thiscommon ground together, but really,
(10:01):
we're each in our differentlane with our own objectives, our
own reason for being here, andwhat we want to achieve in our lifetime,
whether it's conscious orsubconscious. And you have to honor
that. Right. We're not thesame, really. So you just have to
be okay sitting in your ownspace and realizing that you might
(10:25):
be alone in that space and betotally okay with it.
Right. I mean, I think it'dalmost be strange if you were doing
everything together in lockand step, you know, that doesn't
provide. You don't challengeeach other that way. If you're both,
you know, walking the samepath. Exactly. By walking different
paths at times, we canchallenge each other, be there to
(10:47):
pick each other up, bringdifferent perspectives into our relationship,
and, you know, value thatdifference between us rather than
using that difference to driveus apart.
Yeah. And now that I'm reallyseeing the differences between us,
I'm starting to really lean onthose differences. So there's parts
of Paul that really completeme because it's a part that I maybe
(11:11):
am weak in or I'm notinterested in. Like, he manages all
our finances because I have nointerest in doing any of that stuff.
He's. He's the fixer, youknow, if we have a problem, he's
great at fixing problems.Right. So I'm just leaning into it
because now that I have a veryspecific goal for myself, I spend
(11:32):
all my energy there, and Ijust allow him to do what he's good
at, and it makes for a great combination.
And even though I'm the fixerof problems, Heatherleigh ha gotten
much better at dealing withproblems than in the past. In the
past, if we were on a campingtrip and something didn't go to plan,
she really struggled withthat. And I think that I was able
(11:57):
to help her understand thatthings are going to go well. There's
going to be bumps in the road,and we'll recover from all those.
That's all part of thejourney. We can't just check out
and let the other person, youknow, do their strength. We need
to be engaged and to not onlylet them do the things that they're
good at, but also appreciateit and learn from it to grow in our
(12:21):
own way.
Well said. I think we shouldshare the story about the last time
we drove out to Colorado andour engine blew up. Because that's
a great example of how thiscan really work to your advantage
and also how to sort ofcompartmentalize a near disaster.
(12:42):
Right. So we were driving fromIndiana to Colorado in our hauling
our RV, our 40 foot trailer,in our diesel truck. We were, we
were 12 hours into the drive.I think we were trying to do an almost
impossible haul on that firstday, almost like a 15 hour haul.
(13:03):
We got up at 4 o' clock in themorning. So we were right at that
12 hour mark and we're twohours from our first layover and
the engine starts leaking fuel.
Yes. I was driving and all ofa sudden the truck announced cutting
power to engine. And at thesame time the check engine light
came on. So it seemed like inslow motion. But I was trying to
(13:26):
decide, you know, I looked upand saw there was an off ramp and
was trying to figure out if Ishould drive all the way up the off
ramp before stopping. Andthat's when this big cloud of black
smoke came pouring out of thefront of our truck. So I pulled over,
luckily at least onto a littlebit onto the off ramp and got the
(13:46):
truck stopped. We both jumpedout. Heatherleigh informe me that
there was a large puddle ofdiesel fuel on the ground and fortunately
the truck didn't catch fireand we got stopped in time in a relatively
safe place. But this threwquite the wrench in our plans for
the day and for the trip in general.
(14:07):
Yeah, well, the trip actuallywas perfect, but at that moment we
weren't sure what was going tohappen. So we're on a very busy interstate
with lots of traffic and verylittle shoulder roof. And we had
the only shoulder availablefor the next five miles, which is
what the police officerinformed us. So we went into our
(14:27):
respective strengths. At thatmoment, Paul starts figuring out
whether he can fix it. Right.Because he's Mr. Fix It. So I start
figuring out, okay, what'sthis about energetically, what's
happening? Like were wesupposed to stop because something
was gonna happen if we didn'tstop? Did we push it too? Because
(14:49):
that was way too long of ahaul on a really hot day because
this was in July, I think, youknow, and what does all this mean?
What steps do we need to takenext? So I went into my calm center
because I didn't want to getinto the chaos and make it worse,
to start offering franticsolutions, frantic scenarios that
(15:15):
would only spiral us into abigger problem. So we sort of went
off on our own paths and didour thing. And I also called for
roadside service at the sametime to cover my bases and when I
really connected in to theenergy of the scenario. Because the
(15:37):
first thing I ask is, is theresomething that I've done that's created
this? Because this could be areflection for me to be aware of?
And I got no. So I was like,wow, I didn't create this. I'm so
happy. Right. But still, I'min it. So I'm just choosing to hold
(15:58):
my calm. And this is sounusual for me. Usually if this had
happened, I'd be goingfrantic. My head would be spinning.
I'd be thinking of all thescenarios that could be happening
next, worrying about where I'mgoing to stay tonight, am I going
to make it to my nextdestination? Which we did not. And
what ended up happening wasjust beautiful. You want to give
(16:23):
a quick description of whathappened next, Paul?
Well, I had a general idea ofwhat part had the issue. And fortunately,
then the state patrol stoppedby and gave me a ride into town.
The local auto place did havethat part. When she brought me back,
I was able to fix the truckand we were able to get moving again.
(16:47):
Yeah. So we weren't real sure.The truck was still a little bit
dicey as far as the electricalinformation we were getting on the
dashboard. We made it a couplemiles down the interstate and we
thought, something's notright. Let's pull off. Let's go to
the gas station, check it out.So as we're pulling off the interstate
at that exit is the Forddealer. As we're sitting at the gas
(17:11):
station, realizing thatsomething's still not right with
the engine, we're going tohave to leave it at the dealership.
I also find out that there isan RV park one mile down the road.
So we had shelter. We werecompletely taken care of. And the
RV park was so gracious. Theyhad a spot for us. They actually
(17:35):
set up free cable for usbecause I was a little bit stressed.
And they just welcomed us in.It was such a nice little quaint
community. It was very quiet,peaceful. And we ended up staying
there a couple days because wehad to wait for the dealership to
open. But we just kind ofleaned into it we didn't freak out.
We never made it to ourdestination. We had already paid
(17:57):
for. But we were able tocontinue our trip a couple days later
and get back on the road andget to Colorado. So it all worked
out. And we had to just sortof understand that there was a purpose
in it, there was a reason wewere there in that space, that very
space, because it was a park Ihad considered staying at, and I
(18:20):
had ruled it out. So maybe Ihad just made the wrong choice after
all. But we just made the bestof it, and the rest of the trip was
absolutely beautiful. And itturns out that that was the trip
that we decided to actuallymove to Colorado. So that's a really
good example of how all thiscan come into play. But we want to
(18:45):
mention something else, too,and that's the subconscious threat
response. When you arenavigating this territory with your
partner, you're probably goingto perceive, like, a divide that
happens between you if one isgrowing and the other is not. And
sometimes the trap is when theperson who's advancing or spiritually
(19:11):
growing is going to feel likethere's a lot of distance between
you. And when you look back atyour partner, what you'll notice
are some things maybe youhaven't noticed before. Or you might
have feelings about thechoices your partner's making, that
they're lagging behind, orthey're being stubborn, or they just
(19:33):
can't see you for who you are.So some questions are going to come
up, and you have to be reallycareful with these questions because
they can be really tricky. Theego will start to play games with
you. The hardest part, Ithink, is to listen carefully to
what's happening with yourthoughts, because the ego will trick
(19:56):
you. So one of the thoughtsthat I had as we were going through
this process was, he doesn'twant to come with me. Does he really
deserve to be part of my life?You know, that's an honest question,
really. Does he deserve to beon this path with me? But that's
(20:19):
the ego. That's the egoflipping this into a threat response.
So it's hard to identify whenyou're standing your ground and when
you're being your own personin your sovereignty, or when the
ego is taking over andinviting you into a crisis that's
(20:42):
not there. If you fall for thebait, you can make a real big mess
of all of this. If you see itfor what it is, then it can be cleared
pretty easily, and you canboth continue to move on, even though
one is in a different place oftheir journey than the other. And
you don't know that you areahead of someone else because it's
(21:03):
not a competition. You're justin different places. But that's where,
for me, I had to do some workto really make sure I was seeing
things clearly. I was honoringmyself, but I was also identifying
shadows that were coming upthroughout the process.
Yes. And especially for me,the change can feel like it, you
(21:25):
know, an unstable situation. Ican't really explain this. I don't
see exactly where it's going.It's hard for me to control.
You.
Know, really a lack of controlthere and inability to. To. To, you
know, dictate what directionwe're going. So at the same time,
(21:45):
I. At times, I felt maybe abit irrelevant. You know, this big,
exciting change was happeningfor Heatherleigh an not for me.
So am I still relevant? Is mypath, you know, no longer important?
Because her path is so big andpowerful, and mine at times could
seem to just be boring. So,you know, I think at times, you know,
(22:09):
it's. It's really easy toretreat and just, you know, kind
of put up your defenses andtry to tune out. Thanks to Heatherleigh,
she didn't allow me to nothave the conversation. So we had
a lot of conversations aboutthis. And, you know, I mean, it was
hard at first. I. You know, Ifelt like there were times where
(22:30):
I could have said the easything that would have made her happy,
even if they weren't truthfulto me. And in the long run, those
were. It was. It was hard, butit was the right thing to do, is
just be honest. Certainly wecan change over time. And, you know,
just because you're feelingsomething today doesn't mean you'll
feel it tomorrow. But yourfeelings are valid on both partners,
(22:52):
and you need to be respectfulof how they're feeling, even if you
know they're not in alignmentwith your view at the moment.
Yeah. And this is something Isay in my keynote, and that is that
your struggle isn't yoursetback, it's your initiation. So
this struggle that you'regoing through in your relationship
(23:13):
is an initiation for the nextevolution of you. So it all depends
on how you respond to this asfar as what ends up happening on
the other side. Right. Are yougoing to get better? Become a better
version of you? Because thechoices you make in what seems like
a struggle. Right. In yourrelationship, it's just a bump. And
(23:35):
if you just see it as just abump and you're willing to find your
way through it, and applyyourself and really dig in and see
where do I need to grow here?What is this trying to show me? You
know, what's my role in thisengagement? That's when you really
start to grow, and that's abeautiful thing. And we've grown
(24:00):
so much. Just, just trying toput this podcast together. It really
shows us where our strengthsare. When we sit down and we think
about ourselves and we thinkabout how we each respond to the
relationship and what we eachbring, it really gives us more clarity.
Just being able to put thatdown on paper and share it with you
(24:20):
guys, it's helped usunderstand our relationship a lot
better, don't you think?
I think it does. We definitelyunderstand each other a lot more.
And I think what's importantis do we make sure we celebrate our
partners successes and growththeir journey, not be jealous of
(24:43):
them for the things thatthey're really doing well at or their.
Their victories and successes.And so even if I didn't always understand
the path you were on, I alwayssaw that this was a good thing for
you and that you were growingas a person and that you were more
happy and felt more fulfilledin your life. And so rather than
(25:04):
focus on the differences, Ireally focused on the how. How I
felt this journey was a goodthing for you and how you were becoming
a better person and a happierperson, to be quite honest, through.
This journey, yeah, I wasn'tvery happy for most of my life. And
that hadn't. It wasn't reallya reflection on our relationship
(25:26):
at all. It was just who I was.I wasn't happy. So this has been
a big change. Thank you,honey. But, yeah, it's about being
curious and really flexingthat curiosity muscle in your relationship.
Even though you don'tunderstand what someone else is experiencing
(25:47):
or what's important to them,if you can feel some ounce of curiosity
and express that as such, thenthere's something there still to
work with. Sometimes you haveto fake it. I know Paul. Paul wasn't
initially curious about what Iwas experiencing, where I was going,
(26:09):
because he. We don't have thesame beliefs. So at first he was
just like, nope, not talkingabout it. Don't even want to hear
about it. So conversationswere really tough. And when you have
that mindset, then there isn'tany room for give and take. There
isn't any room forcommunication. So when we identified
(26:33):
that, I think Paul can speakmore about this, but I think he learned
to at least flex that muscleof curiosity and practice it. And
it helped a lot I think it did.
It helped to just, you know,experience it, take it in. You don't
necessarily have to, you know,believe in it, but if your partner
(26:57):
believes in it, then thatshould be good enough for you to
be curious about it and opento hearing about it again. Being
challenged by things that makeyou uncomfortable, that's. That's
how we grow and. And becomebetter people. So even if I don't
am not in completely the sameplace spiritually as Heatherleigh,
I still am in a more spiritualplace than I was a year or two ago.
(27:20):
Yeah, if you call that. Imean, baby spiritual, we'll call
it baby spiritual.
Small victories.
Yeah, small. Small victories,small steps. But that's okay, because
that's his journey. That's theway he wants to do it. And he doesn't
even have to catch up with mebecause I don. I no longer have that
expectation. And that, I thinkalone has created a lot less pressure
for him. And I no longer haveto think about where he's at. I just
(27:43):
walked away from that rolebecause if it's none of my business,
I can focus on other things.Okay, guys, so what's important to
remember and realize is thatit's not about fixing each other
or the relationship. It'sabout finding that overlapping space
that you both share together.One person isn't superior to the
(28:06):
other, and one person isn'tbroken just because they don't want
to join in the. The growthprocess of the other person. So there's
so many different aspects wecould explore in this topic, and
we're just going to leave thatfor future episodes. And I think
(28:27):
next time, we're going to diginto what happens when your spiritual
awakening starts to shake thefoundation of your relationship and
really makes you wonder, canour relationship survive? Because
that's a heavy one. We had tohave that conversation, too, and
(28:49):
it's a hard one to have. Andthat's what we're going to go into
next segment.
In our next episode, we'regoing to get real about that moment
where you ask yourself, shouldI stay or should I go? Because when
your growth feels like athreat, you need more than just hope.
You need clarity.
Yeah, it's a really scarytime. So we're going to be sharing
(29:10):
the five questions that becameour litmus test for can this work
or should we part ways?
If you've ever felt tornbetween your evolution and your relationship,
you won't want to miss thenext episode.
All right, you guys, don'tforget to join us for the backstage
after show. We're going toshare with you how to recognize a
(29:34):
threat response.
We are going to help youcreate a safety ritual, reframe fear
with compassion.
And guide you in how to speakthe unspoken. So be sure and check
that out. You can find thelink to our private Hero app in the
show description. Thank youfor joining us on the mystic and
(29:56):
the Skeptic podcast. I'm yourhost, Heatherleigh.
And I'm Paul.
Until next time, stay curious,stay conscious.
Stay connected, Stay connected.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Bobby Bones Show
Listen to 'The Bobby Bones Show' by downloading the daily full replay.