Are You Trapped In One Of These 4 Estrangement Patterns?

Are you a mom asking yourself, "Why did my child cut me off?" You're not alone. In this episode, we’re exploring the five most common patterns of estrangement moms face—whether it’s a gradual drift, a sudden shutout, on-again-off-again contact, outside influences, or feeling like you’re the only one trying. Understanding these patterns won’t erase the pain, but it can bring clarity—and sometimes, even hope. If you see yourself in one of these stories, I want to remind you: your healing matters. You are not forgotten. Let's walk through these together with compassion and truth. If this resonates with you, share your experience in the comments and don’t forget to subscribe for more support and encouragement.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever felt like you're trappedin a painful cycle with your adult child?
And no matter what you do, itjust leads to more silence.
Rejection or heartbreak, you'renot crazy and you are not alone.
And over the years I've seen four distinctestrangement patterns kind of emerge in
the lives of the moms that I work with.
while knowing the pattern isn'tgoing to magically fix your pain,

(00:23):
it might give you some clarity.
And sometimes that's the first steptowards healing, growth, and hope.
So let's dive in.
The first one is the gradual drift.
when closeness that you had with yourson or daughter starts to slowly fade.

(00:45):
This is the kind of estrangementthat creeps in quietly.
And I know a lot of moms who come to mindright now that are dealing with this.
And at first it's small things,
It might be that theystop calling as often.
Conversations get shorter, maybea little bit more abrupt, and
their updates on their life maybecome vague or even non-existent.

(01:08):
eventually, your texts may go unanswered,your invitations to dinner or even
a holiday, maybe they're ignored.
It's not necessarilyone big blowout moment.
It's the slow erosion of connection.
Which is so heartbreaking, andthis is where you as a mom, start

(01:29):
second guessing yourself and you'rethinking, did I say something wrong?
am I too much?
But the truth is, in many cases withthis gradual drift, your child may
have been emotionally disconnectingfor a while before you ever noticed.
And the confusion that happens on yourend is that's what's bringing this deep.

(01:49):
Pain because there's noclear reason to grieve.
It's just this like lingering ache thatsomething precious, this relationship
that you once had is missing.
So that might be you.
Number two is the sudden cutoff whenthe door slams right in your face,
The door slams, but there's no warning.

(02:11):
It's this sudden cutoff almost like ahurricane, like everything seems fine.
Or at least tolerable.
You know, it might not have beenperfect, but out of nowhere, you're
blocked, you're ghosted, or you'retold, I don't wanna talk to you anymore.
Maybe it was a disagreement,maybe it wasn't anything that you
could even pinpoint necessarily.

(02:33):
one mom that I coached said that herdaughter stopped speaking to her after
a comment that was made at a familydinner and something that she thought
was completely harmless, but for herdaughter, it was the final straw.
So it's almost like overflowing thatcup that was already full and sudden.
Estrangement can feel the most shockingbecause it's so jarring and feels so final

(02:56):
your mind is spinning, you're rereadingevery text message, every email, trying
to figure out where it all went wrong.
if that is you and you find yourselfstuck in these painful patterns,
especially if the silence came outtanowhere or maybe it didn't, I wanna
invite you to book a discovery call.
It's a 30 minute consultation with me.
It's not a coaching session.

(03:16):
it's reserved for moms who realizethey can't do this on their own.
It's a safe space where I can hearyou and I can see you, and it's a
zoom call and I'm gonna be able toget some clarity on the situation.
But also, what do you really want?
Like what kind of relationship doyou want with them in the future?
what needs to shift, what needs to change?
And you do not have tofigure this out alone.

(03:39):
this is where I come inand I'm able to help.
like I said, it's not a coachingcall, but I look forward to chatting
with you when you are ready for that.
And you can click the link below in theshow notes to find that discovery call.
Alright, number three, this one's tough.
This is the on again, off again cycle.
Someone might call it the pocketparent, the emotional whiplash, right?

(04:05):
It's exhausting.
One week they're textingyou like nothing happened.
And then the next, they're gone again.
Maybe they pop in when they needsomething, or maybe they reach out with
this, you know, burst of love and warmththat gives you hope, and then in the next
breath they pull it away just as quickly.
Like I said, I've heard some momscall it emotional whiplash, and

(04:26):
you try so hard not to say anythingthat might mess it up, right?
But you're constantly anxious,you're walking on eggshells.
You never know where you stand.
This pattern can cause deepemotional fatigue and anxiety, and
it makes it hard to even trust ourown feelings sometimes, let alone
theirs, let alone their intentions.

(04:46):
It's hard to even wrapyour head around this.
And lastly, number four is theoutside influence when someone
else is pulling the strings.
Some of you have daughter-in-lawsor son-in-laws that might
be pulling those strings.
Ex-husbands, and one of the most.
Disorienting patterns thatI've seen is when it's heavily

(05:10):
influenced by someone else.
it might be a spouse, it might bean ex-spouse, it might be a friend,
or maybe it's social media voices.
It can feel like your child has beenconvinced to almost rewrite their
past, rewrite their history, andyou're being painted as this villain
in a story that you didn't even write.

(05:33):
One mom told me that after herdaughter started therapy, and
again, I'm just gonna preface thiswith I am not dissing therapy.
There is a time and a place and thereare amazing therapists out there, those
are the ones that you need to find.
If you're looking for therapy,just do your homework.
That's all I'll say on that.
I had a mom who told me that her daughterstarted therapy and then she received,
the mom then received a letter outliningall the ways that she had failed.

(05:58):
Many of them were complete surprises.
Now, let's be honest, we're moms.
We've all made mistakes.
We're human beings.
If you don't have anything on thatlist, you're not being honest with
yourself, But when some of these thingscome at you as a complete surprise,
you know you're trying to reach yourchild, but it feels like everyone else's
opinion is in the way, and it makesyou feel helpless and misunderstood.

(06:21):
So no matter where you find yourselfin one of those four patterns that
I've seen over and over again, you arenot alone and there is always hope.
I look forward to talking with you onthe discovery call when you're ready.
in the meantime, I will seeyou in the next episode.
God bless.