Estrangement DESTROYING Your Marriage?

Estrangement DESTROYING Your Marriage? Estrangement from an adult child is heartbreaking, but it doesn’t just affect you—it can put a serious strain on your marriage. If you and your spouse are struggling with the emotional toll of estrangement, you’re not alone. In this episode, we’ll discuss how estrangement impacts marriage, from differences in parenting styles, the blame trap, and maintaining your own identity. My hope is that by the end of this video, you’ll feel empowered to strengthen your marriage and navigate this journey together. If this resonates with you, drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts. And don’t forget to subscribe for more encouragement and support!

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Is estrangement from your adultchild, slowly tearing your marriage
apart, you're not imagining it.
This pain does not just affect you,but it does affect your relationships.
And the good news is you donot have to let it break you.
Today.
I wanna dive into some hidden ways thatestrangement can strain your marriage,
and more importantly, how you and yourspouse can navigate this together.

(00:22):
this is something that a lotof my clients talk to me about
because many of them are married.
It is navigating that relationshipwith their spouse in addition
to the loss of the relationshipwith their adult children.
So let's dive in.
I have four topics for youtoday that I wanna cover in

(00:45):
regards to coping with this.
And the first is copingwith the differences.
Because parenting styles, asyou know, as a mom, it is very
different than being a dad.
A lot of dads will ask me,why do you not coach dads?
Well, my experience is as a momand they are very different, and so

(01:06):
estrangement will often magnify thedifferences in your parenting approaches.
So we've known this sincethey were little, right?
The way you parent, theway your husband parents.
one of you may feel like the otherwas too strict or too lenient.
That can lead to frustration andblame in the marriage overall.
Parenting is hard and it takes a village,But instead of assigning fault in this

(01:31):
area, I want to encourage you to focus onunderstanding each other's perspectives.
this does not turn to be any differentwhen you are dealing with estrangement,
So if you can approach this as a team.
Centered on the shared love foryour child and your marriage.
I know that's easier said than done.

(01:52):
That is the end all.
Be all.
That's where we wanna get to.
I know everyone is not there.
Heck, I was not there.
My marriage almost ended, and it wasreally for a lack of communication.
It wasn't because we loved my daughtermore than we loved each other We didn't
know how to cope with the stress.
That leads me to number two rebuildingthe trust because when you are under

(02:16):
so much stress, the emotional weightof that estrangement can easily put
distance between you and your husband.
And so the grief, the frustration,the worry, all of these emotional and
physical disconnections that happen,We have to be able to prioritize
joy outside of the estrangement.
You have to nurture your marriage.

(02:37):
You have to nurture yourrelationship with your husband.
Why?
Because it will fall apart if you don't.
I'm just being really honest here, andit's really easy to allow that to happen.
know that's not your goal.
I've seen a lot of families break upthrough estrangement, but I've also
seen many become closer than they werebefore because trials do that to us.

(03:00):
Trials allow us to grow personally.
Also in our relationships.
I wanna encourage you today to try to findthose moments of joy that I know you have.
sometimes it's hard tofind and it takes work.
It takes work.
a lot of you are notwanting to do the work.
Heck, I'll be honest, I didn'twanna do the work, But starting to

(03:21):
do the work on my marriage startedwith doing the work on Sally.
And that was even harder than themarriage, So keep that in mind, and
you taking care of yourself throughthis time is going to be so prevalent
and the rest is going to fall intoplace, but it starts with you.
And so if you are a mom that is readyto take the next courageous step,

(03:44):
taking care of yourself, during thisdifficult time, if you're looking
for a lifeline and you're committedto finding peace and support, then
let's explore how I can help you.
;So I offer a discovery call.
It is not a coaching call.
It is an opportunity for me to learnabout what's going on with your child.
I wanna know about what journeyare you going on as a mom.

(04:06):
In fact, that's actually moreimportant than what's going on
with your child because I help you.
That is my job.
And so this is a consultation.
So for those of you that are ready forcoaching, that's what this call's about.
Spots are definitely limited, soplease only sign up if you're serious
about prioritizing your own wellbeing,embracing personal growth, and doing

(04:26):
the work, if that is you, you canclick the link to schedule your call,
and that'll be in the show notes.
Number three is the blame trap.
We always need to avoid theblame trap, and that goes for any
relationship, Because it's easy,number one, to blame yourself.
I should have, I shouldn't have.
I could have, I didn't fill in the blank.

(04:49):
You might be blaming your spouse.
You were too hard on them, youwere too lenient on them, or maybe
you're even blaming your child.
But estrangement is very rarelycaused by one single factor.
the blame can lead to resentment and thatcan drive a wedge between you and your
spouse, just as the blame can drive thewedge between you and your adult child.

(05:12):
it's when we are not navigating the blameand allowing that resentment to build
up, that is where you'll see success.
rather than thinking, who's at fault here?
Who did this, How about howcan we support each other?
What does our family look like right now?
In the end, our family'sgonna come back together.

(05:32):
Right now, how can we supporteach other moving forward?
lastly number four is maintainingyour own identity, right?
You need to support each other, but youalso have to maintain your identity and
estrangement can feel all consuming.
As you know, that can also leadto codependency, which leads to

(05:53):
personal identity loss, this iswhere we have to go back to self-care
hobbies other friendships andfaith to stay emotionally grounded.
You are not meant to do this alone,and sometimes your spouse and your
closest friends are not gonna bethe people who get you through this.
I know that sounds really like,it should not be that way.

(06:16):
It should be my spouse.
It should be my best friend.
Well, if your best friend has notgone through this, they likely are.
They're loving you topieces, I promise you that.
But they don't know what to say.
They don't know how to handle this.
I always tell my clients, savethat best friend for your joy.
Save that best friend forother areas of your life.
Not that you can never talk tothem about this, but this is not

(06:38):
the focus in that relationship.
And so you need to stay emotionallygrounded, and I want you to encourage your
spouse to do the same because two healthyindividuals create a stronger marriage.
The other option is, as most of youknow, I have a group coaching program.
I do one-on-one coaching, hencethe discovery call I mentioned.
You need to be in community, whetherit's my group or someone else's,

(07:01):
you need to be in community 'causeyou are not meant to do this alone.
Heck, I can promise you it'sgonna be a lot harder if you
try doing it on your own.
'cause I did that for a long time.
So honestly, estrangement candefinitely test a marriage, but
it does not have to break it.
By you working through the differencesand rebuilding that trust, avoiding blame,

(07:23):
and nurturing that individual growth,that can strengthen your relationship.
And most of all, rememberthat you are on the same team.
We forget that sometimes.
So remember, you're on the same team.
I hope this helps you today and Iwill see you in the next episode.
God bless.