Finding Peace as an Estranged Mom When Their Choices Hurt

Are you a mom who lies awake at night wondering how it all went so wrong? Maybe your adult child is making painful choices you can’t understand… or maybe they’ve shut you out completely without a word of explanation. If you’re grieving, spiraling, or constantly trying to “fix” something that feels completely out of your control—this video is for you.

In this heartfelt message, I share four powerful steps to help you find peace in the middle of the chaos. You’ll learn how to release the illusion of control, process the silent grief of estrangement, rediscover who you are outside of being “Mom,” and build mental boundaries that protect your peace. I want to help you stop carrying this burden alone—and remind you that you are still worthy of love, joy, and healing… even if your child hasn’t come back yet.

READY TO TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP? Book a discovery call for a consultation.👇 Discovery call link: https://calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever whispered to yourself?
If they would just come back, everythingwould be okay Again, you know when
your adult child is making heartbreakingdecisions or has walked away completely,
it can feel like your world is unraveling,the silence is deafening, and then you
feel very disrespected at the same time.

(00:21):
All of the unansweredquestions that you have.
But I wanna share something withyou today that changed my life.
You don't have to wait for theirreturn to start returning to yourself.
You know, peace is still possibleeven in the middle of their chaos.
in this video, I'm walking you throughfour powerful steps to emotional

(00:43):
freedom for those of you that arehurting but are ready to heal.
I think this topic is so important.
I've been talking a lot about it lately'cause it's really been put on my heart.
So let's dive in.
Number one is letting goof the illusion of control.

(01:04):
You notice I said illusion.
I used to think I hadcontrol over the situation.
I used to think that I couldprotect and guide and rescue.
But any of you feeling that way,you know that it doesn't work.
When our kids become adults, that wiringoften turns into fear-driven control.

(01:26):
We think if we can say the right thing,if we can offer just enough help, or
maybe better yet, if we keep tryingharder, they're gonna come around.
that particular mindsetleft me stuck in a cycle.
Of anxiety, false hope, depression.
control is not love.

(01:47):
It's fear in disguise.
Control is not love.
some of you like me, I was nevertrying to control my daughter's life.
I was trying to control thesituations to keep her safe, right?
Because when they'reyoung, that's our job.
But some point along the line.

(02:09):
From birth on up.
Like we, we never make that transition,which is why this is so important,
and explains also why it's so hard.
And so letting go doesn't mean giving up.
It means choosing peace over the panic,It means accepting that their choices
are theirs and so is their journey,and so is their consequences, right?

(02:34):
You can still love themwithout managing them.
What a relief when you don't have todo that because one day when your kids
come back, if you're someone who'sbeen cut off completely when they come
back, or even when the relationshipimproves and you start loving them
without managing them, it is going tofeel like a weight lifted from you.

(02:57):
I promise you know, your job is topray, release, and trust God to work
in the places that you can't reach.
And this is where the piece begins.
It begins in surrender, not strategy.
Peace begins in surrender.
You surrendering yoursons and daughters to him.

(03:17):
It's not your strategy on how you'regonna change them, that's where we get
stuck and then we get stuck in this cycleand we wonder why nothing ever shifts.
We've been talking a lot in my groupcoaching program lately about surrender.
It is so important.
Number two is we need to honorthe grief because a lot of you are
grieving and no one sees it becausethis is a deep, private grief that few

(03:42):
people talk about, and until you haveexperienced it yourself, you probably
weren't talking about it either.
You didn't just lose contactwith your daughter or your son.
You lost a connection.
Some of you lost a closeness andthe future that you dreamed of.
You've lost moments, you've lostholidays, you've lost grandkids,

(04:04):
conversations that never happened, yearsof memories that we can't get back.
And because it's not a final loss, as indeath, it often gets dismissed by others.
So I want you to know that yourgrief is real, and what happens
is unprocessed grief ends upbeing bitterness, shame, numbing.

(04:31):
That was me.
This is why it's important togive yourself space to feel, cry,
journal, break down, feel youremotions, but don't stay there.
You're not broken becauseyou're grieving, you're healing.
Your grief is healing you.
Healing takes some honesty.
It takes a support system.
you can't move forward if you'reconstantly telling yourself,

(04:53):
I shouldn't feel this way.
I shouldn't be crying,I shouldn't be angry.
it's okay.
We just can't stay there.
We have to feel it.
We have to face it because welive by faith, not by feelings.
step by step, you're gonna begin to rise.
if these words are stirring somethingin your heart and you're thinking,
I don't wanna do this alone anymore,then I wanna personally invite you

(05:16):
to book a discovery call with me.
This is not a coaching session, itis a conversation with you and I.
We're gonna talk about the story.
We're gonna talk about the kind ofsupport that might truly help you
take that next level of healing.
Spots are limited, so please only signup if you're serious about prioritizing.
Yourself, your wellbeing.

(05:37):
You wanna embrace your personalgrowth and invest in your healing.
If that's you, you can click thelink in the description or show
notes and schedule your call.
Number three is reclaiming your identity.
We talk about this a lot, and the reasonI talk about it a lot is because a
lot of you are struggling with this.

(05:57):
You know, it's easy to forget whoyou are when your identity has been
wrapped up in being a mom for decades.
You know when your child pulls awayor they become someone you don't
even recognize anymore, you mightfeel like your whole sense of self
goes out the door with them, andthat loss of identity is devastating
to you, to them, and to the rest ofyour family and those that love you.

(06:22):
here's the truth though.
You were someone before you becamea mom, and you are still someone.
God did not stop writing your storyjust because you became a mom.
And for you, it's time to rediscover.
It's time to rediscover.
All of those parts of you that getburied under pain, responsibility, life.

(06:46):
You know the woman who used to laughfreely, who used to actually have dreams?
I know a lot of you are so creative.
I don't have a creative bone in mybody when it comes to creativity.
I love talking to you guys.
so many of you moms thatI serve are so creative.
you're either artists or musiciansor you just are just beautiful.

(07:10):
You have these amazing hobbies Iwould love to be able to help you
navigate and figure out what yours isagain, 'cause we used to have some.
So I want you to just start with onesmall act of self-love for yourself.
Go take a walk, go paint, go pray.
You know you're still hereand your story isn't over.

(07:30):
Your child's story isn't over either.
In fact, their testimony is beingwritten right now and so is yours.
And just because we're in the middle,we're in that wilderness feeling
that time period where we don't haveanswers yet, it's still being written.
And lastly, number four isbuilding boundaries, because
we need to protect your peace.

(07:51):
when you are in the middle ofheartbreak, your mind, oh my goodness,
can become such a battlefield.
Do you know what I mean?
we overanalyze everything.
We take a look at their text tous, we stalk their social media.
most of you who know me well,you know that I used to do that.

(08:14):
Do not recommend that replaying, oldarguments or conversations in your head.
And what happens is every single timeyou do that, it drags you deeper into
despair, which is what we do not want,but you, my friend, has a choice to make.
Because you have the powerto protect your peace.
Healthy boundaries aren't justwhat you say to other people.

(08:36):
It's also about what you allow insideyour own thoughts and your spirit.
So I want you to start thinking andnoticing some of those toxic loops.
Those what if stories, theguilt, and then I want you to
interrupt those with some truth.
This thought does not serve my peace.

(08:58):
I am allowed to focus on what Ican control, which is me, Limit how
long you allow yourself to ruminate.
Choose peace over chaos.
This form of self-respect in a boundary,you are worthy of that protection
and that's exactly what it is.

(09:18):
It's protection, it's self-protection.
Sometimes, some days it mighteven feel like self preservation.
So I want to encourage you in that today.
I hope that helped you and Iwill see you in the next episode.
God bless.