How to CARE Without CARRYING Your Adult Child's Burdens

Are you emotionally drained from constantly thinking about your adult child—worrying, replaying conversations, or carrying guilt for things you can’t fix? If you're a Christian mom feeling overwhelmed, anxious, or disconnected from your own life, this video is for you. We’ll talk about how to love your adult child without carrying the emotional weight of their choices, the warning signs that you’ve crossed the line from healthy caring into soul-crushing over-carrying, and why this is hurting both of you. You’ll learn how to reclaim your peace, your identity, and your purpose—with both faith and practical steps. 

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
If you're sitting there with tearsin your eyes and you're feeling like
you're drowning in your adult child'schaos, well maybe everyone else
seems to have it all figured out.
I want you to take a deepbreath and hear this.
First of all, you are not a bad motherfor feeling overwhelmed, and you are

(00:20):
not selfish for wanting your peace back.
You're not weak for feeling likeyou're walking on eggshells.
In your own life, and you areabsolutely not alone in this struggle.
what you are experiencing is reallyemotional, over caring, and more

(00:42):
importantly, it has a solution.
And today we're gonna walkthrough that together.
So today I have four points for you.
So let's dive right in.
Number one is when love turns heavy.
Carrying versus caring, right?

(01:03):
So when you feel that weight in yourchest and that ache that never lets
up, and I know a lot of you are feelingthat right now, that's not love.
That is carrying what wasnever meant to be yours.
loving your adult child doesnot mean absorbing all the chaos
or fixing their consequences.
It means trusting that God is going toparent them now in ways that you can't.

(01:26):
Because when you carry what's theirs,you unintentionally out of love.
You're blocking the lessonsthat God might be teaching them
through natural consequences.
I want you to think about this.
We all have consequences.
We had consequences in our familiesas we were growing up, right?

(01:47):
we have consequences with the law.
We have consequences with ourjobs, but you're not saving them.
You're stalling them.
that guilt is really misdirected andI know you're feeling exhausted and
that's a sign of a mom trying to be Godin a story that's not yours to write.

(02:07):
I know that sounds heavy because it is,but what if you started to make a list?
you may be raising yourhand saying, yep, that's me.
But what am I supposed to do about it?
I want you to start by making a listof things that are not yours to carry.
every day, write even justone thing that you are handing

(02:28):
back, Giving that back to God.
Release it in prayer,whatever that is for you.
But that is so important because ifyou did that for a week, I guarantee
you could find at least seventhings that are not yours to carry.
Then number two, you know,there's signs that you've crossed
from caring into carrying.

(02:49):
People ask me how I do what I do,and that's something I had to learn.
I love my clients.
I care about each and everyone of these situations.
I care about your situation, but if I wereto carry everything that is not mine, I
would lose my mind, it would be too much.
It would be way too much.

(03:09):
There's a fine line whereyou can make that shift.
And I know it's differentwhen it's your own child.
I totally get it, but you may not evenrealize that you've stepped over the line.
here's a few signs that might helpyou see it a little bit more clearly.
I don't want you to have shameassigned to it either, because
you're not broken, you're human, andyou've been carrying this for far

(03:30):
too long and for a lot of you, you'vebeen carrying it their whole life.
you sit there and you replay theirchoices in your mind, probably
keeps you up at night, right?
I used to do the same thing.
maybe you feel responsible fortheir happiness, their healing.
Maybe you are making excuses for theirbehavior to others because you don't

(03:52):
want them to have those consequences,and most importantly, you're neglecting
your own needs to be there for them.
as moms, we do that at times,but you're doing it a lot to the
point where it's consuming you.
Then on top of it, you're probablyfeeling guilty if you're not
actively helping or fixing becauselike, it's your job to do that.

(04:17):
You've assigned that story to yourown life, that that's your job is to,
be there actively helping and fixingeverything that comes their way.
if you resonated with any of those, I wantyou to know that you're not crazy, you're
not overreacting, and you're not alone.
So I just want you to know that ifyou're tired of living like this,

(04:38):
you're exhausted, you're anxious,you might even be disconnected from
your own life, then I want to inviteyou to something that could change
everything for you when you're ready.
So I offer a private discoverycall for moms just like you.
And this isn't a coaching session.
It's a conversation where we get tolook at what support could finally
bring you the clarity and strength andpeace that you've been looking for.

(05:03):
I'll explain how the coaching programswork, but more importantly, I get to
listen to you and I get to hear whatis happening with your son or your
daughter, and even more importantly,what is happening to you because of it.
So if you're interested in that, whenyou're ready, you can click the link
below, which is in the show notes.

(05:23):
Number three is carryingdoesn't help them.
Like we think it is, We thinkwe're only doing it to help.
We're not doing anythingto harm them intentionally.
But what happens is it'shindering their growth.
And I know this is hard for some of you tohear, but the more you carry for them, the
more you unintentionally send this messagethat I don't believe you can handle this.

(05:46):
And every time you rescuethem, you're robbing them of
discovering their own strength.
How many of you have rescued your kids?
I know I have.
But every time we soften the blowrescue them, they're missing the
lesson that God's trying to teach them.
And we think we're protecting,We think we're protecting them

(06:08):
because obviously that's like themain thing we're trying to do.
Again, we're not doing this outta spite.
We're doing this because welove them, but you're actually
preventing their own progress.
And trust me, they probablydon't see it that way.
Things are working for them.
So they think, but typically, what oftenfeels like love is fear in disguise.

(06:30):
I want you to think about that.
are you doing this outta fear evenmore than you're doing it out of love?
So let's dive into number four, whichis how to love without losing yourself.
You don't have to hardenyour heart to survive.
You just need to shift how you love them.
What it looks like, and thisis what caring without carrying

(06:55):
looks like, you get to setboundaries that protect your peace.
That's a concept, A lot of you haven'tdone that for many, many years, and
you allow the natural consequenceseven when it hurts, and you're offering
support, not always a solution.
There's a big difference.

(07:15):
And you get to reclaim youridentity beyond being mom.
The fixer, right?
Mom.
The one that rushes to the problem andfixes everything, but that allows you to
choose to trust God more than your fear.
'cause right now, faith and fearcannot exist at the same time.
So you were not meant to carry.

(07:36):
Both your pain and theirs, youhave your own pain to deal with.
I understand that, but you weremeant to care, release and then live.
And so maybe even somethinglike a power word for the month.
maybe you're gonna choose peace oryou're gonna choose trust or surrender,
I just wanna encourage youthat you are a good mom.

(07:59):
You are allowed to protect your peace.
You can love them and still liveyour life, and you can stop caring
what was never yours to hold, whichwill allow you to breathe again.
So I hope this helped you.
Don't beat yourself up ifthis was you, if this is you.
So I hope this helped.

(08:20):
I'll see you in the next episode.
God bless.