I Let My Emotions Take Over… And It Cost Me

I’m breaking down the difference between reacting and responding—and why learning this one skill can protect your peace, support your healing, and even open the door to better communication with your adult child.

We’ll talk about:

✔️ Why reacting can make things worse
✔️ How to create space before responding
✔️ What it looks like to respond with clarity, grace, and emotional strength
✔️ How this shift can bring peace in the middle of uncertainty

This message is for every mom who wants to show up with strength, wisdom, and love—even in the most painful situations.

👇 Let me know in the comments: Have you ever sent a message you later regretted? What helps you pause instead of react?

💬 If you found this helpful, please like, subscribe, and share this with another mom who needs encouragement. You are not alone—and I’m so glad you’re here.

READY TO TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP? Book a discovery call for a consultation.👇 Discovery call link: https://calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

CONNECT WITH SALLY HARRIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA:

INSTAGRAM | https://www.instagram.com/sallyharriscoach/

FACEBOOK | https://www.facebook.com/coachsallyharris

WEBSITE | https://www.sally-harris.com 

 

 

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Have you ever stared at your phonewith your heart pounding after getting
a message from your adult child forthe first time in a long time and
suddenly your fingers are moving,your emotions are spilling out, and
before you realize it, you hit sendbefore you even realize what you wrote.
Then the regret sets in.
Then you start overthinking, andyou might even be thinking, I

(00:24):
shouldn't have said that, but thepain of wanting this so badly.
You wanting to fix this, knowingyou may have made it worse.
If that is you, you are not alone.
And today I wanna help you shift thatpattern, not with shame, but with grace.
So let's dive in.

(00:47):
I have four points for you today.
the first is, let's talk about whatit means to react versus to respond.
So we've all done both, right?
Reacting comes from emotion.
So if you can remember thatreacting comes from emotion.
It's that split second reply you send whenyour heart feels bruised, maybe you feel
misunderstood or desperate to explain.

(01:10):
You know, it's raw andoften it's regret filled.
Responding though is rooted in calm,and it gives your heart time to
settle so your wisdom can catch up.
you still honor what you're feeling,but instead of spilling it onto
someone else, give yourself somespace to filter it through Grace.
Now, the shift from reaction toresponse is not about being perfect.

(01:34):
it's more about becoming intentionalbecause how you show up matters.
Even a text message, which may seemfrivolous, can make a big difference
in your communication with your child.
number two is why reactingcan keep you stuck.
Let's face it, it is so naturalto wanna fix the story or defend

(01:54):
yourself, especially if your child sayssomething that feels untrue or hurtful.
your instinct might be to explainor correct them immediately.
How many of you do that?
I think we've all done it.
But here's the problem.
When you're reacting out of pain,usually keeps the cycle going.
So when we're reacting out of pain, we'regonna keep that negative cycle going.

(02:18):
You may come across as tryingto guilt them, trying to change
their mind or justify yourself.
And while your heart may be in the rightplace, they might see it as pressure
and then they may shut down even more.
So I wanna say this.
Really gently to be honest, because evenwhen your pain is valid, your reaction
to them can unintentionally build a wall.

(02:42):
But responding when you'recalm can build a bridge.
So if you can remember that yourpain is valid, We don't wanna
build a wall up, we wanna tearthat wall down and build a bridge.
So if this is resonating with you andyou are tired of feeling like every
conversation is a minefield, I wantto invite you to something deeper.

(03:07):
I offer a 30 minute discoverycall for moms who are navigating
estrangement or struggling tocommunicate with their adult children.
We're gonna talk about where you'recurrently at, where you wanna be,
and what is the plan to get there?
So if that is you, just remember,this is not a coaching session.
It is an opportunity for me toget clarity on your situation.

(03:29):
There's no pressure, no judgment,just you and me finding that
next best step together.
So if you're interested in that, youcan click the link for my discovery
call below in the show notes.
remember, you do nothave to do this alone.

(03:49):
Number three, the power of the Pause.
This is a game changer.
We talk about this all thetime, the pause, something
we all could improve upon.
You know, even most recently, Ijust wanna share with you, If you've
heard of Jefferson Fisher, stronglyrecommend following him in regards to
communication techniques, I love how hesays your first word should be a breath.

(04:13):
That is a pause, right?
rather than reacting, if your firstresponse is a breath, it centers
you When you get that gut punchmessage, the most powerful thing you
can do is not respond right away.
Give yourself 24 hours unless it's urgent.
go take a walk, write inyour journal, go pray.

(04:34):
talk to a trusted friend.
Let your emotions settle a littlebit, and ask yourself, what
am I really feeling right now?
ask yourself that question versustelling your adult child on the other
end of the phone or of the text message,What am I really feeling right now?
And the message that I'm about to sendis either going to move things forward

(04:58):
or it's gonna move things backwards.
Right?
You could even type out a messagein your notes section or on paper,
but don't send it immediately.
Just that alone can help you movefrom venting to wisdom when you
actually go back and look at whatyou were going to send, but then
in reality, you wait, you pause.
There's so much wisdom in that.

(05:20):
And lastly, number four ishow to respond with strength.
You know, respondingwith strength and grace.
When you do decide to respond,aim for three things, clarity,
boundaries, and grace.
clarity is going to get you to the pointwithout defensiveness or overexplaining.

(05:42):
Be clear, be simple.
We don't need tons ofwords in our response.
Boundaries mean you don'ttake responsibility for
things that are not yours.
If your child said something like, thatfelt like maybe they were rewriting the
whole past, it's okay to say, I respect.
That's how you experienced it.

(06:03):
even if it feels differentfrom my memory, right?
I hear this a lot.
A lot of your kids are creatingmemories, but that's their perception.
Whatever it is or however it gotthere, that is their truth and their
perception, and we can't say thatit's wrong because they can't really
say that yours is wrong either.
So just remember, giveyourself some grace here.

(06:25):
Grace is about being kind even whenthey're not, and it's not weakness.
Grace is not weakness.
It's strength under control, andGod-given, thank goodness we all need it.
sometimes grace might look likewalking away from that conversation,
or it might mean not replying at all.
sometimes it's saying, youknow what, I'm here when you're

(06:47):
ready to talk with respect.
So I hope these tips helps you today.
You know, reacting versus respondingis becomes a skill, but it's a part
of communication that is so important.
I look forward to hearing fromyou all in the comment section.
I wanna hear how this has affecting you.
And if you feel Led, go ahead and sharethis video, share this podcast with

(07:10):
someone, another mom who needs this.
Alright, take care.
God bless.
I'll see you in the next episode.