I Love My Child… But I Don’t Like Who They’ve Become

No one talks about this part of motherhood—the part where you still love your child, but you don’t like who they’ve become. Maybe their choices, their behavior, or the way they treat you has made it painful to be around them. And then comes the guilt: “Am I a bad mom for feeling this way?” If you’re wrestling with these emotions, you are not alone. In this episode, we’re talking about why this happens, why it’s more common than you think, and how to navigate these feelings without shame. If you’re tired of walking on eggshells or silently grieving the relationship you once had, this message is for you.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
No one talks about thispart of motherhood.
It's the part where you stilllove your child, but you don't
necessarily like who they've become.
Maybe it's their choices.
Maybe it's their behavior or theway that they treat you has made
it hard, maybe even impossibleto enjoy being around them.
And then the guilt creeps in.

(00:20):
You're thinking, am I a badmom for feeling this way?
And if this is you, I just wantyou to know that you're not alone.
And today I wanna talk about whythis happens and why it's more
common than you think, and howyou can begin to navigate these
feelings without shame or self blame.
So today I have four tips for you.
let's just dive right in.

(00:45):
Number one is when love andlike don't go hand in hand.
Did you ever think that you wouldsay, I don't like my adult child?
Of course you love them.
I am not questioningthat and nor should you.
But we don't want to forget that.
We need to separate theirbehavior from who they are.

(01:06):
we grow up thinking that this loveand like always comes together.
But as our children become adults, thatoften does change and it ebbs and flows.
Love is unconditional.
It is rooted in your heart.
It doesn't go away, but like isbased on respect, shared values,
or at least respect aroundthem, Emotional connections.

(01:29):
And sometimes we don't like the personthat our adult child has become.
Maybe they've turned into someone who'ssuper selfish, entitled, or even cruel.
Maybe the closeness that you onceshared feels like this distant memory.
It hurts because as moms, wedon't wanna just love our kids.
We want to enjoy them.
And how do you enjoy arelationship when you don't feel

(01:50):
comfortable being around someone?
And when that is missing, that lossjust cuts so deep and it is real
and we do need to acknowledge it.
Number two is the guilt.
You know, this is a guiltthat nobody warned you about.
This is where so many moms I see getstuck and it's in this spiral of shame.

(02:12):
And you might think to yourself,I shouldn't feel this way, or
I must have failed somehow.
Because we've been told that a good motheralways delights in her children, right?
Come on, this is not reality.
Just as they don't always delight in us.
but what happens when you dread theirphone calls or you dread the text?

(02:36):
It's usually becauseyou've been on this spiral.
And so when the conversations leaveyou feeling worse, not better.
You might wonder, why can'tI just be happy to see them?
What is wrong?
But here's the truth, because yourfeelings don't make you a bad mom.
They make you human, And Godgave you emotions for a reason.
denying them is not goingto help the situation.

(02:57):
It just buries the pain.
We have to be able to acknowledge howwe're feeling I don't believe in like
making big decisions off of our feelings.
'cause feelings are fleeting as youknow, and you can feel one way one day
and the next day could be different.
And so I just want you to know that youmay feel like my son or daughter calls me.
This, that or the other thing, andthey're really not enjoying my company.

(03:20):
they say, I'm a horrible mom, They'renot enjoying your company in the moment.
maybe it's okay to acknowledge thatyou're not enjoying theirs either.
Somehow we seem to think that as mom, wehave to always want to be a part of that
regardless of how we're being treated.
And that's just not reality.
for those of you moms, I just wanna pauseand invite you to something special.

(03:41):
This will be one of the last times Ishare this because we are approaching
my retreat here in Ellenton,Florida in just a couple weeks.
And you know, if what I'm saying inthis video or others is resonating
with you and you're feeling emotionallyexhausted or stuck, I want you to
consider joining me at my weekend retreat.
It is a safe space for moms who arewalking this road, and you're gonna get to

(04:05):
connect with other women who truly get it.
You won't have to explainor justify your feelings.
We're gonna have some openconversations, encouragement, time
of rest, and reflection as well.
But you are going to leavefeeling lighter, stronger, and
supported no matter where you arein your journey with your child.
So if that sounds like somethingyou're interested in, you can check

(04:26):
the link below, in the show notes,and I would love to see you there.
We are about three weeksout from this amazing event.
Okay?
Number three, Why does this happen?
And you know what?
It's more common than you think,but you might think, why in the
world am I feeling this way?
Why does it feel like everyoneelse is fine, but I'm hurting?

(04:48):
But here's what I want you to know.
It's often because your child isno longer aligned with your values
or your boundaries, if they havebecome disrespectful, emotionally
unsafe even, or distant, it's naturalto feel a shift in connection.
When you cannot agree to disagree onthings, and trust me, I hear a lot of
the same stories here over and over aboutreasons why these shifts are happening.

(05:14):
But you know what?
You are grieving the version of yourchild that you once knew, maybe the kind
affectionate version that feels long gone.
And others are alsocarrying, the weight of.
Unresolved conflict.
you've had conflicts in the past, butthey never got resolved And sometimes

(05:34):
it's just a reality also that your childis now an adult and who they are might
not reflect the person you raised, butthe core of who they are is still there.
we also have to acknowledge that they aretheir own person and they're gonna have
their own opinions, And they have everyright to, the disconnect is painful.
But it's more common than you think.

(05:56):
So I don't want you to feelalone in this 'cause you're not
the only one holding it all in.
So lastly, number four, I just wanna talkabout how to navigate these feelings.
I want you to be able to navigatethese feelings without shame.
what do you do with all these emotions?
here's where I want you to start.
I want you to acknowledge the truth.
I want you to journal, I wantyou to write these things down.

(06:18):
I want you to know that you're allowedto admit that things are not okay
without blaming yourself, Yes, wehave to take accountability for our
part in things, but everything thathas happened is not one person's
fault, you have to protect your peace.
You can still love themwhile creating this emotional
distance that keeps you healthy.

(06:38):
So again, this is for you, the momnavigating this major disrespect
and unhealthy situation becauseyou have to focus on your healing.
if you are still in that cycle andspiral, you will not be able to
focus on your healing 'cause you areconstantly walking on eggshells and
you can't do both at the same time.
redirect that energy you've beenpouring into the relationship

(07:01):
and pour that back into yourself.
find support, whether that's through mycoaching group, or you know, someone that
you else, you know, or someone that youlove, but don't carry this burden alone.
most of all, give yourself somegrace because I'm sure you're doing
the best you can with this heavyheart, and that's what matters.
I just want you to know that ifyou have felt like you're a bad mom

(07:23):
because you don't enjoy your childright now, I hope today gave you some
permission to breathe again, becauseyou're not broken, you're not unloving.
You're a mom that's been hurt, whostill has the capacity to love, even
if it looks different right now.
So I want you to.
Leave a comment.
I would love to hear your story.
I wanna hear, how this has affectedyou and don't forget to check

(07:47):
out the retreat details if you'reready for connection and healing.
I hope this helps and I will talk to you.
in the next episode.
God bless.