IS Your Adult Child's Spouse DISRESPECTING You?

Are you feeling disrespected or pushed aside by your adult child’s spouse? Maybe your daughter-in-law ignores your presence, dismisses your words, or even seems to turn your child against you. It hurts deeply—and you’re not imagining it. In this episode, we’re talking about how to respond when you feel disrespected without losing your peace, your dignity, or your connection with your child. I’ll walk you through four powerful insights that can help you stay calm, set clear standards, and protect your emotional well-being. You’ll also hear about how to take the next step if you’re ready to get real support through coaching.

If you’re tired of walking on eggshells and ready to feel confident again—watch this all the way through. 💛

READY TO TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP? Book a discovery call for a consultation.👇 Discovery call link: https://calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever felt invisibleor even flat out disrespected

(00:03):
by your adult child's spouse?
maybe they roll their eyes when you talkignore your messages or treat you like a
nuisance instead of part of the family.
It can be heartbreaking, Especiallywhen you've done your best to
love and support your child.
So today I wanna talk about how torespond when you feel pushed, aside,
or dismissed by a daughter-in-law or ason-in-law, or a boyfriend, girlfriend.

(00:28):
how to do that without anger,but with wisdom and strength.
because, let's be honest,you deserve peace.
And this does not have to destroy yourrelationship with your child or yourself.
So today I have four tips for you onthis, and I want you to keep in mind
that your son or your daughter may bea part of this and maybe they're not.

(00:52):
I don't know the answer to that.
And you may be making assumptionsthat it is your son-in-law or your
daughter-in-law, and it might be thedecisions that your own child is making.
They need to have someownership in this, right?
So as you listen to these four points,I want you to keep it in mind because
it's really easy to blame someone else.
Now, don't get me wrong, I see it allthe time where the new, the new spouse

(01:16):
or new boyfriend, new girlfriend comesin the picture and everything changes.
So it's very real, but I justwant you to keep all that in mind.
So let's dive in.
Number one is understandingwhere it's coming from.
So where is the disrespect coming from?
it's easy to assume that they don'tlike you or that it's personal, but

(01:39):
many times the behavior is rootedin something much deeper sometimes
their spouse may be insecure.
Or threatened by your bond, Butalso on the other hand, there's
times where they come from a familywhere closeness feels like control.
what are they bringing into the dynamic?
How are they raised?

(02:00):
What is the relationshiplike with their family?
it might be unspoken resentment from thepast that's being portrayed onto you.
Or maybe just two people tryingto define their new roles.
In what can be a messy family dynamic.
I just wanna say that understandingthe history, the past of this person

(02:21):
doesn't excuse the disrespect by anymeans, but it can help you approach
the situation with a little bit moreunderstanding, and maybe from a place
of you being steady instead of reactive.
So we need you to keepyour power and your peace.
number two is respondingwithout fueling the fire.
Let's be honest, we canall fuel the fire at times.

(02:45):
sometimes it's easier to match thatenergy, to match the disrespect because
then we just shut the conversation down.
But we're not solving anythingand we are making it worse.
when someone, disrespects you, it'snatural you wanna defend yourself.
But when we get emotionally reactive.
Like I said, even whenjustified, it can backfire on us.

(03:07):
it often adds tension to therelationship, to the family, and
creates a narrative that you'rethe one making things difficult.
But what if you keep your peace?
rather than, you know, notresponding calmly, what if you did?
What if you responded calmly?
What if you kept the peace?

(03:28):
What if you were to say, I wannahave a healthy relationship with
both of you, but I need to betreated with kindness and respect.
Now, if it is the case, like Imentioned earlier, that this in-law,
daughter-in-law, son-in-law, if they'rewanting you to be pushed aside because

(03:48):
it feels like control to them orthey're trying to take control of your
child, which I've seen many times too.
This is where you set the standardbecause your son or your daughter,
does have a role to play here.
We can't just blame the spouse.
So we don't wanna beg, we don't wannaaccuse, Just simply setting a standard

(04:10):
that you wanna be treated with respect.
You know, I've said this many times in somany different situations with moms, but.
You teach people how to treat you.
Whatever you tolerate,you can expect more of.
This is where you draw the line in thesand and say, it doesn't have to be
rudely, but you just say, I need tobe treated with kindness and respect.

(04:33):
And like we talked about in acouple videos ago, we can draw
the line in the sand today.
It doesn't have to be, oh my goodness,but I've allowed this for this long.
How are they gonnaunderstand effective today?
This is what I'm expecting.
you can expect from me that I'mgonna treat you with respect.

(04:53):
So it goes both ways, but the moreconsistent you are with that tone and
you're calm and you're clear, and youare protecting your peace, but you're
also responding in a healthy way.
It's setting that standardfor what the relationship is
gonna look like moving forward.
So if this situation sounds like yourlife right now, if you're doing your

(05:14):
best to hold it together and you'rewondering, how do I get the peace?
How do I keep the peace?
How do I protect therelationship with my child?
Or maybe your child's already walked away.
I wanna invite you to a discovery call.
It is not a coaching call.
It's a consultation for moms whoare interested in working with me.
So if you're interested in one-on-onecoaching, you're interested in group

(05:36):
coaching, you're wanting to learn moreabout what that looks like, how I can
help, that's what this call is for.
you can find the link in the shownotes or description below, We
have got to stop feeling powerless.
You have to walk in your ownhealing and in your own strength.
I would love to hear from youwhen you are ready for that.

(05:57):
Alright, number three is when youradult child doesn't defend you.
Ouch.
Right?
This may be the hardest part becausewhen your child doesn't stand up for
you, you raise them, you love them,you supported them, and now it feels
like they're choosing silence or worsesiding with someone who's hurting you.

(06:18):
Now, obviously if there's no justcause for this, We have to look at
all the factors, did something happen?
But it's easy to feel betrayed, Iwant you to remember also that many
adult children freeze in conflict.
So instead of speaking up, they shut downbecause they wanna keep the peace at home.
Maybe they have kids, they're doingthis to protect your grandkids, not

(06:41):
from you, but from chaos at home.
Instead of pushing or blaming,they keep the door open, right?
So what if you were to say to them atsome point, when given the opportunity,
I wanna stay connected with you, evenwhen things are hard, I miss you.

(07:03):
That leaves room for the relationshipto heal without making them
feel like they have to choose.
We cannot make our kids choosebetween their spouse and us.
And lastly, number four is stop competing.
Trying to win them back or prove yourworth will only exhaust you and you
don't need to compete with their spouse.
You are their mom.

(07:24):
That role can never be erased, butyou can choose to step back when
the dynamic becomes toxic, you'redoing it in strength, not anger, it
has gotten so toxic that you need tosay, I love you, but I cannot stay.
In this space where I'm being mistreated.

(07:45):
I love you.
I'm not giving up on you, but whatit's showing them is that you love
yourself everyone deserves respect.
There is a time and a place where peoplewalk away from one another to protect
their own emotional health, physicalhealth, and I understand that there
are a lot of situations like that.
But if you're a mom navigating this andyou're watching this video, You wanna
get along with your daughter-in-law, youwanna get along with your son-in-law.

(08:08):
You want your child back in your lifeas well, because this is a painful road.
And I just wanna say this, you'renot overreacting, you're not alone.
You do deserve to feel respected andvalued, not just as a mom, but as a woman.
So whether your son-in-lawor daughter-in-law.

(08:29):
Respects you really has takenthe time to get to know you.
Only time will tell where this isgonna go, but I believe wholeheartedly,
either your son or your daughter'sgonna step up and make some change in
this vicious cycle, or your son-in-lawor daughter-in-law is going to be
a convicted and they're going to.

(08:51):
Help navigate this connectionwith you again in the future.
I dunno when, I dunno how, butGod does miracles every day.
I hope this helps you and I'llsee you in the next episode.
God bless.