My Adult Child's Suffering Is Crushing ME

Are you carrying the emotional weight of your adult child's pain—so much that it's starting to crush you? In this episode, we’re diving into the painful reality of toxic empathy, when your love and compassion turn into emotional exhaustion. As a mom, it’s natural to feel deeply—but when your empathy starts to erase your peace, your identity, and your well-being, something has to shift. We’ll explore what toxic empathy looks like, how to recognize emotional enmeshment, and why setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. If you're tired of walking on eggshells, drained from constantly worrying, and feeling like you're losing yourself in their struggles, this conversation is for you. You can care without collapsing. You can love deeply and still protect your heart. And most importantly, you are not alone. Listen now and discover how to love them well—without losing yourself in the process. 💛

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
As a mom, you would give anythingto take their pain away, but
what if carrying it is breakingyou more than it's helping them?
if your child is hurting and it feelslike their suffering has become your
full-time job, then this video is for you.
I know you love them deeply, butsomewhere along the way, their
emotional pain started drowning you.

(00:22):
let's talk about what to do when yourcompassion starts to cost you everything.
toxic empathy.
Some of you may have heard this term,this isn't just feeling for someone,
like empathy where you can empathizewith their emotions and their feelings.
It's feeling as them.
So it's when you stop being asupport system and you actually

(00:45):
start almost absorbing theiremotions as if they're your own.
that is what that means.
I've been hearing that a lot lately.
kind of a buzzword.
I wanted you to justbe familiar with that.
in case you hear about it, but you'relosing sight of your own feelings
and you're feeling responsiblefor their emotional state, and
That is burnout while tryingto rescue them from everything.

(01:08):
So it's common for loving compassionatemoms to feel this way, but it's
not healthy for you or for them.
And so let's walk through how thisshows up and what we can do about it.
So today I have four pointsfor you, so let's dive in.

(01:28):
Number one is you're notwrong for feeling this.
Okay.
Like I said, compassionate moms tendto feel our children's pain, but when
it starts affecting your own life,that's when it really becomes a problem.
And so when they're hurting, your heartnaturally is going to break with them.
That's human nature.
It's your child.
So you might be replaying someconversations in your head and

(01:51):
question what you could have donedifferently, especially when they're
struggling and you're hurting Butyou know, this doesn't make you weak.
It makes you a mom, it makes you human.
empathy becomes toxic when itstarts to erase your own identity.
And I talk to a lot of moms and workwith a lot of moms who are feeling this
way, which is why I thought it wouldbe good to have this conversation.

(02:13):
you're losing sleep, you're neglectingyour own health, you're doing the
people pleasing, you're saying?
Yes, when you're at capacity.
you can still love your kidswithout losing yourself completely.
Number two is when empathy becomesenmeshment Again, we're not talking
about just your typical empathy here.
enmeshment typically happens when youas a mom, when your emotional boundaries

(02:39):
disappear, like they're non-existent.
So you're not just supporting yourchild, you are sinking with them.
If they're going down a bad path,you're going down a bad path.
you might constantlyfeel anxious or on edge.
You may even be canceling yourown needs to tend to their crisis.

(02:59):
And don't get me wrong, there'stimes as a mom, we're gonna do this.
So I don't want you to feel guiltyif you're smiling or resting
while they're in a dark place.
It took me a long time to get there.
I'm not saying this is easy.
I'm not saying this is just somethingthat you can turn on and off.
It takes work.

(03:20):
But I remember when I finallylearned to have peace, that
surpassed all understanding.
That made zero sense to me.
I'm like, where is this coming from?
And I know it came from God because Sallyon her own could have never done that.
I used to feel guilty.
I felt guilty for laughing.
I felt guilty for smiling.
I felt guilty for having any fun at all.

(03:42):
mentally we carry their emotions longafter the conversation ends, right?
So we're navigating something theysaid, and we've already gone home,
We've already had the conversation,but you're still carrying it.
You know, that's emotional codependency.
if you are a mom caught in thisexhausting pattern, you're not alone.

(04:04):
And there is a way out.
I help moms just like you set thesehealthy emotional boundaries with
yourself and stopping all this cycleof burnout and all of these things.
So if you are ready to reclaimyour own peace, you can book
a discovery call with me.
Spots are limited, so please signup when you are truly ready that you
know I've done all I can do on my own.

(04:26):
I need some help.
And so I thank you for that and I lookforward to talking with you in the link
you can find in the show notes below.
Number three is you canlove without collapsing.
How many of you feel like you've collapsedor maybe you've collapsed and you got
back up and you're still falling down?
You know, it takes peace.

(04:47):
It takes groundedness.
You can still show up for yourchild and offer encouragement.
Remember, we're not supposedto be the captain here.
We're supposed to be like the cheersquad, and we're supposed to be
the guide when they want us to be.
But offering encouragement and keeping thelines of communication open without losing

(05:10):
your mind, health, or joy in the process.
this may not apply to some of youwho are completely estranged, but
about half of my audience is stillnavigating hard times with their kids.
There's still opportunity to complete.
The work that's going to helpthe relationship move forward
and build into that authenticrelationship you're wanting so badly.

(05:33):
There's nothing better than havinga mom come to me when she's still in
relationship with her son or daughter,but things are just going sideways
and she needs help figuring that out.
And then she puts these thingsinto practice that is, there's
nothing better because it can bea very quick turnaround sometimes.
And that's what real support looks like.

(05:55):
And number four.
Lastly, you know, God never askedyou to be the Savior for them.
I know that's hard.
Trust me, I tried doing all of that too.
It got me nowhere.
But it's hard to admit, right?
I'm not their solution.
You're not their solution.
God is.
Trying to carry their burdenalone is not only exhausting,

(06:16):
but it's really out of alignment.
We have to be responsible for ourselvesand we need to have the relationship.
And so your job is to loveto pray, to set an example,
Not to rescue or fix, or bleedyourself dry to make everything okay?
So I know I've said this before,but let God do what he can do.

(06:37):
You do what you can do
and surrendering them doesn'tmean you're giving up.
It means you're trusting bigger.
And so I just wanna remind you, youare allowed to protect your peace.
You are allowed to feel joy.
You are allowed to say, I love you,but I can't carry this anymore.
I love you, but I can'tkeep on this track.

(07:01):
I can't stay on thiscycle with you anymore.
It's not helping either of us.
Because when you stop caring whatwas never yours to hold, that's when
the healing comes in for both of you.
that's what I want for you morethan anything is the healing for
you and your child and your family.
There's nothing better and so I thank you.

(07:22):
I hope this episode helped you.
I'll see you in the next one.
God bless.