Rebuilding TRUST with Your Adult Child Starts Here!

Rebuilding TRUST with Your Adult Child Starts Here! Rebuilding trust with your adult child can feel overwhelming, especially after estrangement or conflict. In this episode, I’ll guide you through four key steps to restore trust without forcing or rushing the process. We’ll cover how to recognize past hurts, the importance of consistent small actions, offering sincere apologies, and honoring your child’s boundaries and independence. Healing takes time, but with the right approach, you can begin to create a new foundation of trust and mutual respect. Join me to learn how to navigate these challenges and rebuild your relationship with hope and grace!

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Are you a mom struggling withrebuilding trust with your adult child?
I know it can feel impossible, especiallyafter years of hurt and distance.
You know, I've been there and Iknow how painful it is, but trust
can be rebuilt, one step at a time.
remember that forgivenesscomes in there too.
So how do you rebuild trust withsomeone you have not forgiven?

(00:22):
And so that's just a side note.
And I've recently done a video onforgiveness and you can check that out
later on my YouTube channel, I want toencourage you to take some notes here.
Maybe you are not a mom currently inthe situation with your child where
you've been able to implement someof these things yet, but rebuilding
trust is on the horizon for you.

(00:45):
And I want you to believe that, right?
We have to believe that there is hopeand that we will never stop hoping
that our family will be reconciled.
So let's dive in.
Number one is recognizinghow the trust was broken.
To begin with, So what do you do?

(01:07):
Well, I encourage you to take some time toreflect both on your actions and theirs.
think about some situations wheremaybe there were misunderstandings,
hurtful words or behaviors thatmay have caused a loss of trust.
All of those misunderstandingsand behaviors, were very painful
for you and likely for them, butI want you to acknowledge them.

(01:30):
I want you to reflect on those.
I don't want you to assign blame orfocus on defending your intentions.
I want you to listen when giventhe opportunity, of course.
Listen with an open heart, becausewhen your child is going to share
their pain with you, maybe in the pastthey've tried to share their pain,
but you weren't really listening.

(01:50):
Maybe you weren't really listening.
You were hearing them, butyou weren't really listening.
And so we want to be able to, youknow, just in regular constructive,
active listening mode, which a lotof us have a hard time with, you need
to be really intentional about that.
I want to encourage you to think aboutthat when you're having conversations

(02:10):
with them, with anyone really, but Iwant you to listen with an open heart.
Because their pain is veryreal, just like yours is.
Trust with your adult child usuallyis breaking down because either
there's a lack of understanding,or like I said, something happened.
But what's gonna rebuild that trust isa mutual awareness of what happened,

(02:34):
and that means talking it throughwithout constantly bringing up the past.
Doesn't mean we don't addressthings, but we also don't need
to bring up the entire past.
And you're gonna know when you getto that point with your child in the
relationship trust me, you're goingto know what is worth bringing up
and what is worth just letting go.
Because I can promise you, there's alot of things that I always thought.

(02:56):
When my daughter and I reconcile,when she comes back to the family,
I have a million questions for her.
And I can tell you that therewere only a few that I asked
because the rest didn't matter.
Why?
Because I was able to trust her.
She's a changed person.
That's the difference.
So you will know when someone has changed.
Moms in my group coaching program,or even my one on one clients,

(03:18):
they'll ask me all the time.
How do I know if it's real?
I said, give it some time.
You're going to know.
You're going to see changedbehavior, not just words.
So number two is thesmall, consistent actions.
I want you to commit to small,repeated actions that show your
child they can depend on you.

(03:38):
things like respecting their decisions,being reliable, and following through
with these commitments, whatever itis that you said you were going to do.
What we don't want you to dois expect immediate results.
it takes time.
This didn't happen overnight, andit's not going to be fixed overnight.
I know it's tempting to want this quickfix, but trying to force closeness

(03:59):
will likely push them further away.
just remember that every day is anopportunity to rebuild that trust.
Through your own personal integrityand you being reliable and
you being who you say you are.
for those of you moms navigating thissituation with your adult son or daughter
and you're tired of doing it alone, maybeyou're ready to take that courageous

(04:22):
step towards taking better care ofyourself and having a support system.
if you're looking for a lifelineand you're committed to finding some
peace and support, then let's explorehow I might be able to help you.
You can book a discovery call with me.
we're going to talk about thesituation, how the situation is
affecting you, and then see if we'rea good fit for coaching together.

(04:42):
But spots are limited, so pleasesign up when you're serious
about prioritizing yourself.
And I know not everyone is atthat place, and that is okay.
So when you're ready, I am here.
Number three, apologiesand accountability.
You know, when you are apologizing toyour son or daughter, Do it genuinely.

(05:06):
I would encourage you, if you can'tdo it genuinely, then don't do it.
They're going to see you.
They're going to know.
And if you aren't ready for that,then you need to take some more time.
But taking full responsibilityfor your part in past issues.
You notice I did not say takeresponsibility for everything
that has ever happened.
I fully believe that we haveto acknowledge their hurt.

(05:29):
We can be remorseful for things thatwe've said or done or didn't do.
And we can commit to beingbetter in the future,
We're human.
And we make mistakes.
So we don't want to say thingslike, I didn't mean to hurt you.
I've learned over time that thatcan invalidate their feelings.
And also don't over apologize whereit's constantly coming out of your

(05:52):
mouth, It can almost come off astrying to manipulate their forgiveness,
like making them feel guilty.
a heartfelt apology, which I knowmost of you moms would have no problem
doing, and accountability can softenthe mistrust that you're experiencing.
that will open up the door for some honestcommunication, which is what you want.

(06:12):
then I want you to build a relationshipthat honors them as an adult, right?
You have to accept that yourchild may want more control
over how and when you interact.
So let's say you come back together.
They may want to see yourespecting their boundaries.
You know we are stillrebuilding trust here.
We want mutual respect.

(06:33):
my encouragement to you would be tonot try to micromanage their life or
expect to be involved in every decision.
Maybe you were before and that'salways hard for some moms, right?
Like when that shift happens, butrespecting their boundaries, even if
it's painful at times, as long as there'srespect, we can get through anything.

(06:54):
I fully believe that.
But a relationship that is groundedin respect for the two of you.
And respect for their independencebecause they are an adult now,
it's going to show them that you'rea safe person to trust again.
So those are some tipson how to rebuild trust.
I hope you took some notes.

(07:14):
So when that time comes for you andyour family, you're able to navigate
that just a little bit easier.
I hope that helped.
I will see you in the next episode.
God bless.