SAYING NO to Your Adult Child Without the Guilt Trip!

If you’re a mom of an estranged or difficult adult child, saying “no” might feel like the hardest thing in the world. Maybe you fear the silence that follows… or the guilt that crashes over you. But saying “yes” to everything—when your heart is screaming “no”—isn’t love. It’s self-sacrifice that can leave you emotionally exhausted and spiritually empty.

In this video, we’ll talk about:

• Why moms feel so guilty saying no
  
  

• How to stop over-explaining your decisions
  
  

• Practical ways to set limits without losing love
  
  

• What to do when your child pushes back, manipulates, or guilt-trips you
  
  

It’s time to move from “keeping the peace at all costs” to “protecting your peace with confidence.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever said yes with asmile, but your soul was whispering?
No.
Maybe you handed moneyover that you didn't have.
Maybe you stayed on the phone throughanother disrespectful rant, or canceled
your own plans to keep the peace deepdown, I know that you know it wasn't
right, but then you have the guiltand the fear of losing them forever.

(00:23):
If that's you, you're not weak.
You're a mom trying her best.
But what if saying no wasn't rejection?
What if it was actually the firststep towards some real peace
for you and your adult child?
Number one is the guilt is real.

(00:43):
You know the guilt is real.
It's how you're feeling.
But don't let it be your guide,because when you have Guilt after
saying no, doesn't always meanyou've done something wrong.
Oftentimes it means you've steppedoutside a longstanding pattern
that you've had with your child.
So most moms are conditioned to believethat good means self-sacrificing, But

(01:06):
love with no limits at all is going tolead to burnout, resentment, and enabling.
Let me say that again.
Love with no limits is going to leadto burnout, resentment, and enabling.
So if you can reframe thatthought by saying, you know,

(01:27):
hey, saying no is not unloving.
It's protecting what God has entrustedto you, your heart, your peace, and
your health, I see so many moms,including myself, I went through this.
So many moms whose health is deterioratingdue to not being able to say no.

(01:48):
And to be honest, I want you to rememberthat, you know, while journaling can, can
definitely help, I know a lot of moms whoare journal fanatics and it's wonderful.
It's really guided them.
But I want you to take note of thiswhether you journal or maybe you just
start today, what is a recent momentwhere you said yes out of guilt?

(02:09):
And the follow-up question is,what did it cost you emotionally?
Number two is no is a complete sentence.
I think our parents used to say thatwhen we were little, you know, you
don't need to defend your decisionevery single time or write an essay
about why you declined something.
You know, really that's fear of rejection.

(02:32):
That's why people do it.
But if you have loving, clear, firmkind language that can preserve
both your peace and your dignity.
You know, so if your child isasking you for something and you're
afraid to say no, but you knowyou need to, but you know what?
I love you, but I can'thelp you with that, or that
doesn't work for me right now.

(02:53):
You know, I hope you canfigure out a solution.
I believe in you.
I know you're gonna figurethis out and empower them.
To empower themselves because right nowthey're not having to do any of the work.
Some of your kids, you know, whensomeone is used to getting a yes, your
no, especially the first one might soundlike cruelty, but actually it's maturity

(03:20):
another journaling, idea for you is topractice three real life, no responses,
just love practice those get, get thoseready so when you get the next question or
you do get the next request for somethingthat you feel that you should not be
doing or giving, you're gonna be prepared.
And so a lot of you moms arestuck in this cycle of saying yes.

(03:44):
When your heart says no, if that'syou, this is your wake up call.
So let's talk about it.
Um, if you are interested, you canbook a discovery call and it's an
opportunity, it's a private call betweenyou and I. Where we navigate through.
I wanna hear a little bit aboutwhat's going on with your child.
I wanna hear even more about how thisis affecting you because that I can let

(04:06):
you know how I might be able to help.
So if when you are interestedin pursuing coaching, interested
in hearing about it, um, you arewelcome to book that discovery call.
Number three is when thepushback feels like punishment.
They are gonna feel that way.
They may respond to those newboundaries, those new personal

(04:26):
limits with a guilt trip.
you're the only onethat I have, mom, right?
Or you don't love me.
They can guilt trip you.
They can accuse you, they cansilence or emotionally withdraw.
So you do need to be prepared for thesethings, I think that's what stops a
lot of people from doing it because youhave so much fear around being rejected.

(04:48):
But don't take the bait, right?
When your no is met with manipulation,it basically should be confirming to
you that that boundary was necessary.
So repeat that boundary calmlywithout engaging in drama with them.
So you just wanna practice thattechnique and repeat it calmly because

(05:11):
you're not gonna just have to sayno one time, they're gonna come back
thinking you've changed your mind.
number four is saying nois part of your healing.
It is part of your healing too.
because every time you sayno to dysfunction, you're
saying yes to your own future.
You're saying yes to your own life,your own finances, because some of

(05:31):
you are struggling with your ownfinances because you are providing
for your adult son or daughter.
setting these limits allowsspace for God to work in both
of your lives, which is amazing.
just remember that sometimes yourno creates the silence they need to
finally hear truth, So what is the oneno that you've been too afraid to say

(05:55):
and what would saying it free you from?
So, I would love to hear fromyou in the comment section
Because I want you to know that youare allowed to prioritize your own
peace and you are allowed to disappointsomeone so that you can stay healthy.
And you are also allowed tosay no and still be loving,
faithful, and incredible mom.

(06:15):
for those of you that are strugglingwith that today, just know want
you to know that there's hopeand there is a way out of that.
it just is gonna take some action.
I hope this helped you today.
I'll see you in the next episode.
God bless.