Should You Be PARENTING Your Adult Child?

If you're a mom struggling with estrangement from your adult child, it might feel like you've tried everything to fix the distance between you. But what if the answer isn't trying harder—it's letting go in a new way? In today’s episode, I’m sharing why continuing to "parent" your adult child could actually be creating more distance, and how shifting into a new role of support, respect, and emotional freedom could be the key to both your healing and theirs.

We'll talk about the powerful difference between parenting and supporting, how continuing to "help" can unintentionally fuel estrangement, and how letting go doesn't mean giving up—it means setting both your heart and theirs free. If you’re ready to stop living in fear, guilt, and heartbreak, and start reclaiming your peace and joy, I want to personally invite you to book a free discovery call with me. We'll walk through where you are right now and explore a path forward that brings hope and healing. You are not alone. You are stronger than you know, and your story isn't over. Faith over fear—always.

READY TO TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP? Book a discovery call for a consultation.👇 Discovery call link: https://calendly.com/sallyharris-discoverycall/30min

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
You poured your heartinto raising your kids.
I know you sacrificed, you prayed, youloved with everything you had, and now
you're facing this distance with them.
And quite honestly, it feelslike sometimes that effort
you did somehow disappeared.
But what if the very thing you'reholding onto, which is the parenting

(00:22):
mindset, is the thing that's quietlykeeping the gap between you two.
today I wanna invite you tosee this from a different lens.
Letting go of the role of a parentdoesn't mean letting go of your love.
It means creating a spacefor healing for you and them.

(00:43):
Today I have four points on this,and this is going to shift your
mindset, at least I hope it does.
So please listen and take notes becauseI really believe that a lot of you.
are dealing with this mindset that justneeds that shift, that one degree shift.
So let's dive in.

(01:07):
Number one, understanding the shift.
So this shift from parentingto supporting, right?
So when your child was young,what does parenting mean?
We all know what it means.
It means stepping in.
It means protecting them.
guiding them.
That was our job to mold them, shapethem correct them, and lead them.

(01:27):
However, as they grow and become anadult, their needs shift dramatically.
Even if it doesn't feel that way to yourheart, they no longer need correction.
They need respect.
Now, don't get me wrong, I know a lot ofyou are dealing with a lot of disrespect.
That's not what I'm referring to here.

(01:47):
I'm referring to the parenting shiftand how you are parenting, and so
just remember that supporting themmeans offering love without control.
I know how hard it is becauseit was our job to control the
situations around them, keepingthem safe, and some of us, including
myself, forgot to make that shift.

(02:11):
If I could do it all over again,I would've made a bigger shift
when they were in their teens.
Keep still keeping them safe.
It's still my responsibilityto know what they're doing, who
they're with and all of that.
But we need to offer love without control.
If my kids are gonna make mistakes,I wanted to be under my roof.

(02:31):
So you can still course correctand help them through it.
So what does this mean foryou now with an adult child?
offering love without control.
It means being availablewithout being intrusive.
You know, offering wisdom onlywhen it's asked for, which I
know is hard for a lot of you.
It was for me too, but it's a shift.

(02:54):
It's going from leading towalking beside them as they allow.
A lot of you are thinking to yourself,I don't even have that opportunity.
No, you don't.
Not right now, but you will.
You will, and you need to be preparedfor what that's gonna look like.
I'm not gonna lie, itfeels unnatural at first.
It's one of the most powerfulacts of love that you can offer

(03:17):
your adult son or daughter, andthey will see a shift in you.
I promise you, when they are readyto receive and ready to come back
into a relationship with you, theyare going to see a difference.
I see it over and over again.
And if I could add, and you couldask my kids this question, I ask

(03:38):
them, if they call me and they're,venting about something, I stop
them and say, okay, am I supposed tojust listen or did you want advice?
depending on the kid, and thecircumstance, most often they say,
well, of course I want your advice,but you know what, there's times
where they just need to vent to.
Number two is how continuing toparent can fuel estrangement.

(04:02):
when we unknowingly continue to parentgiving unsolicited advice, trying to
fix their problems, questioning theirdecisions, even if we don't agree.
We may be sending this messageto them that they're not capable
of doing it on their own.
to a young adult, maybe you havea, a, a young adult, 18, 19 in

(04:22):
their twenties, they're fightingfor their independence, right?
Even a well-meaning comment canfeel like suffocation to them.
And the truth is, if your childalready feels wounded or pressured by
you in Some aspect or misunderstood.
Each attempt to parent them will feellike another reminder that you don't

(04:43):
trust them and that's painful to theirheart and to yours because you're seeing
some of the repercussions from this.
Instead, what if you chose tobe that soft place to land?
Not a guide to follow, but what if yourlove spoke louder than your advice?
That's good.
What if your love spokelouder than your advice?

(05:06):
So if this is stirring something in yourheart and you're realizing, you know what?
I've been trying sohard, but I feel stuck.
I would love to invite youto a discovery call with me.
on this call we're gonna take a look atwhere you are right now, where you feel
stuck, and how I can help you into thishealing and peace and strength because
you don't have to figure this out alone.
And there is a path forwardthat doesn't involve more guilt

(05:29):
and it involves more grace.
So if you are interested in this, it'snot a coaching call, it's a consultation.
For those of you that are ready totake the next step into coaching,
the link is in the show notes.
The description below, and Ican't wait to meet you there.
Let's dive into number three,letting go without giving up.

(05:49):
I talk about this a lot becauseletting go isn't like waving
that white flag of defeat.
It's choosing to live with openhands instead of clenched fist.
It's saying, you know what?
I trust that God is notdone writing our story.
I'm believing for what I can't see yet.
Because when you let go of trying tomanage or control the relationship,

(06:11):
that's when you make room for loveto flow in ways you can't predict.
it's about trusting that yourvalue as a mom doesn't depend on
staying in charge like I'm thematriarch, That's not how it works.
It may have worked that way inpast generations, but that's
not where we're at today.

(06:32):
So we need to change.
It's about choosing faithover fear, hope over hurt.
And lastly, number four is I wantyou to turn the focus back to you.
Some of you are not ready to do this,if that is you and you're not ready to
do that, you hold onto that discoverycall link for when you are ready because
that's what this is gonna require.

(06:54):
Because for so longyour life has revolved.
Around nurturing someone else,your kids, maybe your husband, but
now it's time to parent yourself.
It's time to ask, what do I need?
What brings me peace?
when you stop parenting youradult son or daughter, you can
start nurturing your own soul.

(07:16):
This is where we rediscover what we love.
What are our hobbies?
What do I even like?
What brings me joy?
do I have really goodfriendships, passions?
Also your spiritual growth.
All this stuff has been buriedfor you because caregiving, even
an adult child has consumed youand that's not your role anymore.

(07:38):
So focusing on your own healingis not selfish, my friends.
It is survival, and it just might bethe catalyst for all the growth, yours
and theirs that God has planned next.
I'm believing that for eachand every one of you, 100%.
I hope that helped you today.
I will see you in the next episode.
God bless.