What Happens When GROWN KIDS Blame Their Parents?

What Happens When GROWN KIDS Blame Their Parents? Have you ever been blamed by your adult child for something you know isn’t your fault? It’s heartbreaking, isn’t it? But here’s the truth: their blame says more about their internal struggle than your parenting. In this video, I’ll help you navigate this painful dynamic with strength and clarity. We’ll cover: 1️⃣ Why blame happens and how to understand it. 2️⃣ How to manage your emotions when you’re unfairly blamed. 3️⃣ Practical tips to respond with empathy while setting healthy boundaries. 4️⃣ How to let go of guilt that doesn’t belong to you and reclaim your peace. Mama, you don’t have to carry this alone. Watch now and learn how to protect your heart, find your voice, and move forward with strength. 💖

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever been blamed forsomething you know is not your fault?
Your adult child makes a mistake, butsomehow you're the one carrying the blame.
It hurts.
It's unfair.
And I know it leaves youwondering, what did I do wrong?
So you automatically assumeit's something that you did.
And we hold on to that.
But what if the blame thatthey place on you is more about
them than it is about you?

(00:20):
And sometimes that's the case.
Not always.
But today I want to talk toyou about how to protect your
heart and take back your peace.
So, let's dive into fourreasons why this could be.
Number one is I want you tounderstand why they're blaming you.

(00:42):
blame often stems fromunresolved emotions, right?
There's a common theme here.
And so whether it's an unresolvedemotion of shame, frustration, or maybe
disappointment, when your adult childfeels overwhelmed, it's easier to point
the finger at someone else, especiallya parent, a mom in this case, right?
Than to face their own mistakes.

(01:03):
they go into victim mode andwould rather blame everybody else
than look in the mirror, right?
We all make mistakes.
I want you to see their blame asa reflection of their emotional
struggle, not your parenting.
And in most cases, themoms that I work with.
and so I want you to askyourself feeling right now that's
leading to this reaction, right?

(01:24):
There's so much more going on either inhere or in here or both that is causing
this Like I said, the blame is moreusually about their internal journey
than your actions Number two is I wantyou to think about emotional responses
Managing your emotional response is socrucial here Because it's painful to

(01:46):
hear your child say something hurtful toyou, and it's natural to feel defensive,
maybe even get angry, feel guilty.
But when we react emotionally, It willonly escalate the situation whether this
is something that you did do wrong or youdidn't, manage your emotional response.
So just give it a moment,take pause before you respond.

(02:08):
You know, taking that deep breath,whatever you need to do and
remind yourself that you're notresponsible for their emotions.
You might be responsible for whatthey're upset about, but you're
not responsible for their emotions.
this is where talking to someonethat you trust, can help you process
these feelings, because you cannotcontinue to carry these in silence.

(02:28):
And that's what a lot of moms do.
That's what I did for a long time.
And once I started opening up and sharing,you know, sometimes over sharing with
the wrong people, but at the end of theday, you have to protect your peace.
that starts with managingyour emotions first.
It's really easy to want to fix everybodyelse and manage everybody else's stuff.

(02:51):
But we, need to look in the mirrorand manage our own emotions first.
So, if you are ready, as a mom, to takethat next step towards taking care of
yourself during this difficult time.
If you find yourself estranged fromyour adult child, or maybe you're just
navigating, a really hard time with them.
But if you're looking for a lifelineand you're committed to finding
peace and support, then I wantto explore how I can help you.

(03:13):
I have a Discovery Call link,which should be listed below.
It's an opportunity for us to focuson your needs, your journey And to see
if we are the right fit for coaching.
spots are limited.
So please only sign up when you'reserious about prioritizing your wellbeing.
if that's you, click thelink to schedule your call.
Number three is empathy and boundaries.

(03:35):
such a common theme that we talkabout all the time, but it's true.
It applies almost in everything,but this is how we have to respond.
blame, if you're being blamed forsomething, again, whether accurate or not.
does not need to be metwith anger or acceptance.
It can be met with empathy,acknowledging their feelings

(03:55):
without agreeing to the accusations.
How many of us havebeen in that situation?
Maybe it wasn't always with your child.
Maybe it's with someone else in yourworld, Every human being has dealt with
this and all you'd have to say to yourson or daughter would be, I can see you're
upset and I'm here to listen to you.
It doesn't give them a license to degradeyou or go down this long path about it.

(04:19):
But if they're upset about something,take the time and really listen.
I love you, but I don't thinkthat's a fair assessment
of what happened, you know?
But if their words do become hurtful,you also can remove yourself.
You can say, you know what?
I'm not comfortable beingspoken to like this.
Let's talk again when we're both calmer.
And then you just end theconversation and you pick it back up.

(04:43):
So empathy does not mean absorbing blame.
Like I said, it's about beingcompassionate to them, to your child
whom you love, Being compassionate whilealso standing firm for yourself because
you need to remember that you deserveto be retreated with respect as well.
And number four is lettinggo of unfair guilt.
You know, there's a differencebetween taking responsibility for past

(05:05):
mistakes, which we've all made, right?
And carrying guilt forsomeone else's choices.
You are not responsible fortheir actions as an adult.
Let me say that again.
You are not responsible for yourchild's actions as an adult.
that is something that I dealt withfor a really long time and I thought

(05:26):
it must have been my parenting.
It must have been something I did wrong.
But you know what?
I'm not responsiblefor my child's actions.
I'm not responsible for myhusband's actions, I'm not
responsible for your actions andyou're not responsible for mine.
I want you to ask yourself when youare starting to carry this guilt
and really struggling with this.
I want you to write down,and start journaling.

(05:48):
And I want you to ask yourselfthis question, is this really mind
to carry, or is this a reflectionof their own personal struggle?
the second part of that question, youmay feel like you're not sure, right?
when you start to see a patternhere, it's a reflection of
their own personal struggle.
You may not know what that struggleis, but the main question here,

(06:11):
is this really mine to carry?
And the answer is usually no.
So.
You know what, if there's a grainof truth in whatever they're saying,
acknowledge it, I see how my actionsin the past may have impacted you.
Maybe you were, uh, drinking.
Maybe you had struggled and you divorcedtheir father or something like that.

(06:33):
You can say, I can see, and I can accepthow my actions in the past impacted you.
And I'm sorry for that, butyou can't accept the guilt for
things beyond your control.
So, letting go of this guilt is anact of self compassion for you as a
mom, and it frees you to focus on yourown healing, which is why we're here.

(06:54):
I hope this helps, and I willsee you in the next episode.
God bless.