What's REALLY Behind an Estranged Mother's Pain?

You’re doing everything right—but the heartbreak of estrangement still lingers beneath the surface. You laugh, serve, show up for your family… yet deep down, you feel the ache no one sees. This video is for the moms who are quietly suffering in comfort—those who are functioning on the outside but grieving on the inside. In today’s message, I’m unpacking the real emotional and spiritual toll estrangement takes on a mother’s heart, why your pain is valid, and how you can start healing—even if reconciliation feels far away.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
So you're the mom that does yourbest to keep it all together.

(00:04):
You're showing up for others, you'retrying to stay strong, and maybe you're
even smiling and saying I'm fine.
I'm okay.
But the truth is that you're not.
And there is that quiet ache beneaththe surface that emptiness, that
doesn't go away, no matter howgood everything else might seem.
That is what I call suffering and comfort.

(00:26):
If that's you, I wanna help youuncover what's really behind the
pain and what to do about it.
So today I have four pointsfor you, so let's dive in.
Number one, estrangement isn't just asituation, it's a season in our life
right now, but it is a wound and.

(00:48):
What I've been seeing is sometimesmoms minimize their pain because other
parts of their life are good, but beingestranged from your child is deep.
That goes deeper than mostanything I can think of.
it touches you as a mom.
And it's not really just aboutmissing them, it's about grief.
grieving a relationship.

(01:10):
grieving.
A role as a mom and grieving a futureyou had hoped for and maybe somewhat
planned right, but that kind of paindoesn't go away with distraction or time.
The pain can lessen over time, but itlingers and many times it's unspoken
for your body and in your heart.

(01:31):
And too many times I see moms doingthis, especially in the beginning,
and some of you have told me that youwaited a year or two to even contact me.
that broke my heart when I hear thestories like that because I want
to encourage you to not wait thatlong to seek some type of help.
So I want you to ask yourself, wheredo you feel the wound the most?

(01:53):
Is it your thought life?
Is it sleep?
Is it your health?
So let's dive into some more of this.
Number two, you can begrateful and still be grieving.
This is a situation thatI really struggled with.
I was so grateful and sothankful for so many things in

(02:14):
my life, but I was full of grief.
maybe you've said I should be thankful.
I have other kids.
I have a spouse.
I have a good job, I have a grandchild.
I have my health, right?
We have these other things that wecan be grateful and thankful for.
That doesn't erase the grief, and it'shard to play both sides of the fence.

(02:35):
I totally get that.
But gratitude doesn't cancel out the pain.
It just means you're awareof both and that's okay.
forcing yourself to stay positive allthe time while ignoring what the ache
is inside of you can just deepen it.
when was the last time youactually gave yourself permission
to grieve without guilt?

(02:58):
a lot of times we feelso guilty if we do that.
If we actually take sometime to emotionally process.
Maybe it's journaling, maybeit's talking to someone out loud.
Maybe it's just going fora walk and talking to God.
if that is you and this ishitting home and maybe you're
feeling some tears right now.

(03:19):
I wanna invite you to a discovery call.
This is for moms who areready for that next step.
It's not a coaching call, it's aconsultation where you can learn more
about what I do, but it's gonna bea moment of connection for you and
I where we can navigate next stepsand figure out if we're a good fit.

(03:39):
And so if that's the case, you canclick the link in the show notes below.
And book that discovery callNumber three is maybe you've
been coping but not healing.
You're staying busy, you're checking allthe boxes, you're holding it all together
for everybody else in your family.
But deep down, you know, it's just coping.
It's not true peace, which is what youneed to get to because coping helps

(04:04):
us function for a little while, right?
Healing is gonna helpyou feel whole again.
you weren't meant tojust survive this pain.
You were meant to workthrough it with support.
You were meant to navigate throughthis and come out stronger, just like
I want your son or daughter to as well.
So ask yourself, whatare your coping habits?

(04:26):
Which ones are helping andwhich ones are only numbing?
many of you who know, even justa little bit of my story, know
that I used alcohol to numb.
I didn't wanna feel thepain, so I just numbed it.
But one thing I can promise you is whenyou numb the pain, you numb the joy.
You don't get to choose everything numbs.
So really get a concerted efforthere in thinking about what are my

(04:49):
coping habits, which ones are reallyhelping me, and which ones need to go?
And lastly, number four, healingbegins with that honest support.
'cause when you've been carrying thisfor so long on your own, you might think
I'm the only one going through this,or I don't wanna burden anyone else.

(05:09):
But the truth is, healing happensfor all of us when we stop
hiding and start opening up.
So like I said, whether it'sjournaling, it's prayer, it's speaking
to someone who's walked this path.
Your heart needs a safe space You'veheard me say this many times, but the
people closest to you, your best friend,maybe even your spouse, maybe even your

(05:31):
sibling, those people are not gonna bethe people that get you through this.
Those are your, those are your safespaces, but we need to keep those
relationships intact, if you startnavigating and trying to heal out
loud with them nonstop It doesstart to wear on the relationships.
I promise you that because you know whatyou, you don't have to fix everything.

(05:56):
you just have to start by telling thetruth about your pain, how much it hurts.
I never thought I would go through this.
you need to say it out loud and it's okayto say I'm not okay, and that's okay.
It's okay to not be okay right now.
I don't want you to stay there.
I hope you hear me there.

(06:17):
I don't want you to stay there.
it's okay to not be okay, and I agreewith that, but we have to get up
and keep moving because if we don't,it's gonna be a very dark path.
just remember that this is not selfish.
You're not ungrateful for thosewonderful aspects of your life.

(06:37):
You're a mom who's quietlygrieving something so precious.
God gave you a gift of this sonor daughter, whether through
adoption or natural birth.
You are grieving and youare still standing, and you
are gonna get through this.
But strength does not mean silence.
I want you to stop suffering andstart healing out loud because

(07:00):
that is when the healing happens.
I hope that helps you today.
If you know a mom that this couldhelp, please share this episode
with them and like, and subscribeI will see you in the next episode.
God bless.