WHY Did My Adult Child STOP Calling Me Mom?

When your adult child stops calling you “Mom” and starts using your first name, it can feel like a dagger to the heart. In this episode, I’m talking about what it really means when this shift happens—and how to protect your peace while navigating the emotional pain of estrangement. You’ll learn why some adult children stop using “Mom,” what it says about them (and not you), and how to respond from a place of strength and faith. You’re not alone in this. If you’ve been quietly grieving the loss of that sacred title, this message is for you.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Have you ever opened a message fromyour son or daughter and instead

(00:02):
of mom, you saw your first name?
it might seem small on the surface, butit can feel like a very deep cut to the
heart that word mom has held decadesof memories, love and your identity,
and suddenly it feels like it's gone.
If this has happenedto you, please hear me.
You are not imagining the pain,you're not being overly sensitive.

(00:27):
You're facing a very real shiftin a relationship that may
have felt unshakeable in thepast, and you are not alone.
In fact, I'm hearing more and morelately your sons and daughters
calling you by your first nameand stopped calling you mom.
So let's dive in.

(00:51):
Number one is losing the mom title.
You know, being mom, being calledmom isn't just about biology.
Yes, you're their mother and theyhave a father, but it's about a
belonging and it's the role thatmany of US have lived 24 7, right?

(01:12):
That name tied to late nights, all ofour sacrifices and unconditional love.
And so when that name disappears, itwill feel like part of your identity
has been erased, and that grief is real.
There's nothing fake about that.
You're not making this up.
This is not in your head.

(01:34):
even family psychology experts confirmthat when adult children create
distance through silence, behavior,or even language, it can activate a
deep emotional loss in the parent.
And that's because it isa death of sorts, right?
The grief often goes unrecognizedby others, but you see it.

(01:58):
I see it.
And I want you to recognize ittoo, so you can begin to heal it.
Number two is let's talk aboutwhat this shift usually reflects,
because quite honestly, this shiftbeing called by your first name
is more about them than about you.
And you all hear me say thata lot, because it's so true.

(02:23):
it's signaling some unresolvedpain or anger, or even a need
for emotional separation.
It's not always a conscious insult,although I'm sure that's what it
feels like, sometimes it's yourchild's way of managing difficult
feelings or asserting control.
You know your son or daughter best,and I'm sure you probably know the

(02:43):
answer to that, is it their difficultfeelings or are they trying to control?
For a lot of you, it's the control aspect.
You know, adult child estrangement.
A lot of the research does show anda lot of research in regards to the
moms I speak to on a daily basis.
You know, distancing behaviors likename changes or just cutting off

(03:06):
communication or rewriting history.
A lot of that is tied totheir own identity struggles.
that doesn't make it right, but I wantyou to know this so you can hopefully
stop internalizing it as your fault.
So I hope that puts some realistic,behavior behind it that you can accept

(03:28):
and, be able to move forward in this.
But if you are done trying to guesswhat your child's behavior really means.
And ready to take a nextstep towards healing.
I would like to invite you toa private consultation with me.
It is not a coaching call.
It's a one-on-one conversation to help usfigure out the next right move for you.

(03:50):
when you are ready for coaching and wantto evaluate what that looks like, you can
book your call, the link for the call.
It's a discovery call.
It is in the description,and show comments.
Number three is, guess what?
You're still a mom.
Even if they can't say it, a namedoes not define your motherhood.
Love does.

(04:12):
Even if they're calling you by yourfirst name, even if they've pulled away,
even if they never say mom again, you'restill the woman who gave life showed
up and poured herself out for them.
You know?
There's a lot of guilt thatour kids are feeling too.
And they may not have thetools to navigate back into
this closeness relationship.

(04:33):
Maybe not yet.
the words may be missing, but nobodycan take away the bond that you had.
And if you've had a close bond withyour kids, I believe it's coming back.
You know, there's a lot of thingshappening in our world right
now that we can't all explain.
just because the bond is brokenright now, know that it doesn't

(04:54):
mean it's broken forever.
hold your head high because your value hasnever been up for debate, in my opinion,
your mom, whether they call you thator not, because at the end of the day,
this speaks more about them than you.
lastly, number four is respondingwith strength, not emotion.

(05:14):
If you are still in a relationship withthem, maybe they're emailing you, texting
you, maybe they say this in person.
How do you respond?
You don't need to react immediatelyor emotionally, like most of us
probably do, But your silence isyour strength, and if you do feel
led to say something, do it calmly.
You might say, when you use my first name.

(05:38):
It feels very distant, but I'm stillyour mom and that hasn't changed, period.
You're not begging for validation.
You're just stating the truth withlove, and that's all you have to do.
And then release the outcome.
Continue to pray for them.
Protect your peace, because if youdon't have your peace, what do you have?

(05:59):
We have to get that back for you sothat you can navigate these waters.
Build a life that isn't defined byhow someone else chooses to refer to
you, I hope this helped you today.
This is a message of hope.
You are not forgotten.
You are not too broken to be restored.
Your children are not toobroken to be restored.

(06:23):
God sees what your children can't.
God sees what we can't, but he knowsyour heart and he knows every tear
that you've cried over your kids.
And it's okay to still be healing,
Just know that you are still mom.
And you can be full of hope, strength,and grace when you are ready.

(06:44):
So I hope that helped youand resonated with you.
I will see you in the next episode.
God bless.